Son Meets Disappointing Bio-Dad For The First Time, Asks Internet For Advice About Meeting The Rest Of The Family
It takes a lot of work to go and find your biological parents when you're adopted, and how disappointing it can be if you find out they aren't who you think they are.
u/MuNaMunaHuman told his story:
I [14M] met my father for the first time yesterday. I'm really disappointed and I don't know if I want to met the rest of them anymore.
I just got home and I had a day to think it over, I dunno anymore. I really did not enjoy meeting my dad, Zack, and I am just not sure anymore.
Zack is really immature for a 39 year old. He told me he likes to go to night clubs, bars, talk to young girls, etc, he's a frat boy that never grew up. He's just not what I was expecting. He told me that he could give me pointers on how to get 5 girls in 1 night. He comes off as such a douche. He's so in your face and loud. I don't know if I want to meet the rest of the family.
TL;DR: I don't know if I want to meet the rest of the family.
Here was some of the advice he got.
Can I just say I absolutely adore this response? Congrats for being a sensible person.
You are under no obligation at all to see anyone in this ruckus, but who are the rest of the family members you would be meeting?
Regardless, if you do not want to meet them, for whatever reason, just say you are not ready to reintroduce 'family' to your life. Family are the people who you choose as you family - you don't earn being family by blood. You owe nothing to these people, regardless if they share blood with you or not.
By all means, don't if that's what you want.
I met my dad at 16, now 28. First meeting was okay. Met his mom, sister, and my niece and nephew not long after. Overall okay people that love each other. I spent a weekend with him for my birthday and it was a little awkward. I was being shy and wasn't ready to really open up to him.
I was suppose to fly out state to meet the rest of my family...it never happened. He completely cut off all contact. I wrote him a letter expressing my feelings, had a phone conversation with him after that. The gist of that convo was him telling me that he didn't think I cared (because of my shyness towards him). I started bawling, my mom got pissed and started yelling at him. It was bad.
There's more to it. We tried a few other times over true years to connect. But meh. The last time I saw him, his lovely mother was telling me that she doesn't blame my mom for me not being around.... puh-fucking-lease. They wanted nothing to do with me then as an innocent baby, and not now as a grown as woman.
Good thing is that I met my half brother...not through him, naturally. He told me about him at 16, I never forgot. At that time, he was telling me how he told my brother about me, and they were trying to find a gift to get me. I eventually found my brother on Facebook at 23. Turns out our dad lied to me, my brother never even knew I existed. His mom, which is a really awesome woman, let him know that it was true, she just never knew how to tell him.
Well, I ended up moving out of state to get to know my brother for half a year. He's awesome, his family is awesome and welcomed me with open arms, and I am so glad that I got him out of this ridiculous shit factory of a situation.
Oh, yeah, my own dad blocked me on Facebook after we agreed to meet and have a drink together. His lovely mother also makes no effort to be a part of my life either.
This was a learning experience.
If I were you, learn your heritage from him and get any medical history. Phone numbers, addresses, meet your family. The only reason why is because if some health issue happens to you or any children you have in the future, you can try to contact them if absolutely necessary. Other than that, go your separate ways if that's what you are feeling.
Lol was not trying to write a wall of text.
So, I'm 31. I met my dad when I was 13. I have been nothing but increasingly disappointed by my father's, well, everything since that time. I'm pretty sure he's a sociopath trying to fit in with the rest of the world. He treats my half siblings orders of magnitude better than he treats me. I cannot express to anyone how much I wish I could go back and tell 13 year old me not to meet him. I know all of his family, they're not that much different than he is, and they kinda explain him. All of my favorite people from that side of the family are in-laws and weren't raised in those environments.
I will say this, how: I got to meet my dad's dad, with whom my father spent very little of his childhood. He's passed away now, but the 13-14 years in which I knew him were some really good ones. I consider him to be the silver lining to the shit-cloud that is my family.
So, what would I do now that I know what I know? I would dive in, find the people worth their salt, continually have them in my life, and exclude those who aren't. I would be crystal clear to all people where they stand and why.
God, your dad sounds like my mom. I met her when I was fifteen, and she bought me thongs and cigarettes.
I got an amazing half-sister (though I never call her that) out of the meeting, and that was about it.
Few things, he has no clue how to be a parent because while a sperm donor he isn't a parent. Your reaction already at 14 makes you more mature than this guy, who is my age age by a few years and the rest of us cringe at this sad display of a 'man'.
I think you had a mental picture of what your dad would be and god he did not even get close to it. You were not wrong for this, it's natural and he is WAY immature for his age anyway.
The five girls in one night comment shows his lack of respect for people and I think that's part of the disgust! (Your mom did a good job you are mature and can spot a loser, lots of women can't do that :p)
You do not owe this man or his family anything. Have you talked to your mom about this? If he calls I'd tell him I was busy when he tries for future meet ups. The good news (?) is he flaked for 14 years so I doubt he would consistently keep trying, especially if you were the one originally reaching out for the meet up.
As a person who met my bio dad at 36, I understand. He was not someone I wanted to invite to my home or meet the rest of my family, but I did meet my 1/2 sister out of it. She is amazing! Neither of us has a strong relationship with him, I only talk to him maybe twice a year, she sees him and talks to him more than that. But without him I would not have my incredible sister who I can not imagine living without now. Do what makes you comfortable and don't feel pressure to have a relationship with anybody. If you feel adventurous, meet some more of his side of people and maybe meet a cool person that you might have a great relationship with. Remember you don't have to, if you don't want to.
It sounds like you're a bit more mature than the average 14 y/o and he doesn't know how to interact with teenagers at all.
I met my biological father when I was 16. I was super gung-ho because my mother had died a few years before and I was craving/needing a parent in my life. It wasn't bad, he had cleaned up his life and was a decent human, but he never filled the void either.
We took things way too fast and the first time I met him in person I also met his wife and 25 of my aunts, uncles, and cousins. It's a loving family but that was super overwhelming.
It's okay if this guy doesn't feel like 'Dad' to you and it's absolutely okay to not seek that sort of relationship with him. Don't try to force him into that position either because it just leads to frustration. It's best to take it slow. It's okay to say 'I'm not ready yet.' You don't have to meet his family alone. If your Mom can't go with you (when you feel ready, of course) see if another family member you like will go with you. Any decent human being would understand you needing that sort of safety net.
My biological father died last year, 14 years after I met him. At best we were acquaintances that talked on holidays. I don't regret having tracked him down. We found some common ground over the years and a couple instances of 'the apple didn't fall far from the tree.' I feel fulfilled in the sense that I know where I came from but still occasionally grieve what never was.
You've got time to navigate this. You can even take a break, try again later and reassess.
I had exactly the same experience when I met my Dad. It was such a disappointment. He also told me that he didn't see me as a child as he felt I should have made more of an effort... As small children often go out out of their way to book appointments with their father. He is a drunken, stoner loser who has never grown up.
I met up with him a few more times over the years, but decided it wasn't for me. I am almost 30 and haven't seen my father in over ten years now and I don't regret it. I know it's tough having your hopes shattered, but if he was a decent dad you wouldn't be meeting him for the first time at 14. You are under no obligation to meet him again, and if you change your mind you now know where he is.
Unfortunately this is so common (boys building up ideas of what their real father's are like and then being dissapointed) it's a common trope in media now. Fresh prince of bel air had an episode that was really emotional. Basically, there's a reason he wasn't in your life until now. Good men, no matter the circumstances would have made an effort to be in your life. Relationship with your mother non withstanding.
My mother is/was an abusive narcissist. My father left when I was 12. I don't blame him, not even a little bit. What I knew of her then was enough to say that, and that was thru a child's eyes who didn't have full understanding of the situation. It was still enough but I'm sure there was more.
I later found out a lot of what she had told me about him had been a lie. I had been lied to and brainwashed and turned against him. I contacted him. He was so happy he cried. He answered all my questions, and wanted to know all about who I had grown up to be. I was 24 at the time.
We went to dinner the next week and it was a little awkward but very nice.
Sadly, this has no happy ending.
He remarried and my stepmother did everything she could to push me away, convinced for no reason that I didn't like her. She was in the hospital once and I asked my dad to ask her if I could visit. He relayed that she said she didn't want people seeing her sick. I said I understood, because I did, and to let her know if she changed her mind and felt up to it, I would still love to see her.
Well, than I "didn't like her" because I didn't come visit anyway. After she had asked me not to.
They lived about a half hr away from me. They would mention they had been in town, and when I said "Hey, why don't you call, we could grab an ice cream or something" he said "Well we don't want to bother you, you're so busy with school." I would say "I'm busy now, but could we meet up Thur?" if I were busy when they called.
When I graduated, they came, took 1 picture, said "Well, you probably want to go be with your friends...." and left. My friends were all going to lunch. With THEIR families.
I tried talking to my Dad about how I felt I didn't matter and how I felt he didn't want to even try to develop our relationship. He said nothing. We were on the phone and I had to ask if he was still there.
It never got resolved. No acknowledgement I had spoken even happened. We plodded along for a couple more months until there was another incident where I wasn't even thought about. My step brother's bday. I didn't even get an invite because it was "just a small thing for family".
So I wasn't even a cousin anymore. I was his god damned child and I wasn't family.
I lost it that time. I screamed at him. That while I understood why he left, and didn't resent him for it, neither had heever made ONE overture to get in touch, he was so happy to have his only child back that he couldn't even consider her family, this was a mistake. He finally spoke. He said "I just feel like every time we talk all I get is a list of complaints. I've never been the type to drudge up te past, I was hoping we could just put that behind us but I guess that's not possible with you. You were raised by your mother after all, it shouldn't surprise me."
And that's when it finally hit me, if he saw my abusive, insane, manipulative, childish, substance abusing mother as a suitable partner, he couldn't have been healthy either. And he had onviously chosen another personality disordered manipulator as his second wife.
So f*ck em.
I'm not glad I tried to reconnect with him. I wish I had realized that even if he thought I still hated him, as the parent, if he cared, he should have tried somewhere in the span of 12 years. That very probably as an adult, I wouldn't be thinking like the 12 year old he knew.
But no. That would have required effort and he wanted me to just shut up and be his kid when it was convenient for him and call it "moving forward" even tho I got none of what I needed during our attempt at a relationship. I wasn't expecting Daddy. I was grown. I was expecting a Father, tho. An adult with whom I could have an adult family relationship.
I wish I had never called. I wish I hadn't envisioned some great reunion and making up for lost time. Because I should have known that wasn't reality.
There are few things more satisfying than a crisp $20 bill. Well, maybe a crisp $100 bill.
But twenty big ones can get you pretty far nonetheless.
Whether it's tucked firmly in a birthday card, passing from hand to hand after a knee-jerk sports bet, or going toward a useful tool, the old twenty dollar bill has been used for countless purposes.
Breaking Even<p>"I got a jacket and a pair of jeans at goodwill for about $20. My first time wearing the jacket I found a tiny zipper inside a pocket."</p><p>"There was a secret inner pocket with a twenty in it."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lvu5aq/whats_the_best_20_you_ever_spent/gpdv70q?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">TheBrontosaurus</a></p>
Keeps On Giving<p>"23 Years ago I was in the US for some work and was not prepared for the cold of Chicago. Went to wal-mart and bought myself a cheap, warm jacket."</p><p>"I'm wearing that jacket right now - still looks fine, still keeps me warm."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lvu5aq/whats_the_best_20_you_ever_spent/gpe41xv?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">TastyEnd</a></p>
As Good As They Come<p>"Wool pinstripe double breasted suit from Goodwill, fit perfectly and was brand new. Ended up wearing it to get married the next year." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lvu5aq/whats_the_best_20_you_ever_spent/gpdw6mx?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">verminiusrex</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"God I love Goodwill!!" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lvu5aq/whats_the_best_20_you_ever_spent/gpe5aee?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Neverthelilacqueen</a></p>
The Socks She Needed<p>"I work at a thrift shop. A homeless lady came in and asked us where the socks were. We only sell new socks, so I directed her towards the new socks and she was... shocked and disappointed by the price tag, surely."<br></p><p>"I gave her a moment as she looked, and she moved to some kids' socks and picked them up, and I... just couldn't let that happen. I told her that I would help her, and told her to get herself some socks and a jacket."</p><p>"She kind of just... held out the children's socks, so I took them, put them back, and grabbed the extra fluffy socks that were hanging."</p><p>"She grabs a jacket and some pants, and I pay for it. My coworker looks the other way since we're not supposed to purchase anything while on the clock. The lady is in tears as she walks out."</p><p>"I notice that she's still outside a minute later putting them on, and ask her if they fit her or if she needed something else; and she told me they were perfect and proceeded to cry. I cried in return."</p><p>"It was a good day."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lvu5aq/whats_the_best_20_you_ever_spent/gpen3w1?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Snowodin</a></p>
Not Forgotten<p>"A guy came into my work when I managed a mom and pop Pizza Place. He said he was stranded with no phone, and no money, but that the people at the Verizon store next door to us said they could get him a cheap phone with some minutes on it for 20 bucks."</p><p>"He offered to do dishes for a few hours to make some money so he could get this phone. I told him not to worry about it and gave him a 20 from my wallet. He thanked me, asked me for my name, and then he left and I never saw him again."</p><p>"Skip forward about 5 months, and when I get into work the owner was there and said she had gotten a letter addressed to me. 'Weird,' I thought."</p><p>"But when I opened it there was a 50 dollar bill and a short note from the guy I gave 20 dollars to thanking me for my kindness and for not turning him away."</p><p>"Turns out he was in a bad way (addicted to hard drugs and homeless) and really was stranded there. He was trying to get a phone so he could contact his parents (who lived in another state) for help."</p><p>"From what it sounded like, he seemed to really turn his life around. He was clean and working a stable job while still living with his parents."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lvu5aq/whats_the_best_20_you_ever_spent/gpem2xc?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Mixmaster-McGuire</a></p>
The Best Finale<p>"It was the day before payday. My wife came to see me at work. My break was in an hour, so I asked for her to wait a bit, so we could enjoy it together. She did."</p><p>"I bought her some lunch, because it was what I could afford. I bought her a ham and cheese sub sandwich and two iced teas. These were her favorite. I bought gas with the rest of the twenty so she could get home. She dropped me back off at work."</p><p>"That night, she passed away. It brings me comfort to know that I bought her favorite sandwich and drink for her that afternoon. It was likely the last thing she ate, since it was near dinner. I'll never forget it. Best $20 I ever spent, because it was for her."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lvu5aq/whats_the_best_20_you_ever_spent/gpe9c6d?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">LollipopDreamscape</a></p>
Leaning Into the Nerdery<p>"It was my ninth or tenth birthday. My grandparents gave me $20. The first $20 bill I ever held in my hand! I knew exactly what I wanted to do with it."</p><p>"A week later, we went into the city and Toys R Us. I went straight to the Transformers aisle. And there he was. My favourite Transformer. The one I always wanted...Soundwave."</p><p>"He's the one who turned into a Walkman and he could eject cassettes that turned into robot animals. The price tag said $19.99. It was meant to be."</p><p>"I took Soundwave to the clerk and gave her my $20 bill. "And here's your change!" she said, as she gave me a single penny."</p><p>"Ah, Soundwave. The best friend a lonely little nerd could have."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lvu5aq/whats_the_best_20_you_ever_spent/gpdzzxe?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">originalchaosinabox</a></p>
Different Time<p>"I went to a Rush concert in 1982. The ticket was $9.50 and the t-shirt was $10." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lvu5aq/whats_the_best_20_you_ever_spent/gpdyr0k?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">PaulsRedditUsername</a></p>
Motivational Spending<p>"My then six year old niece had a loose tooth she loved to show off and had resisted pulling out for two weeks. We were all at my parents and I was getting ready to leave, I pulled out a $20 and said 'I'll give you this right now if you pull out your tooth.' "</p><p>"She was already crying because her little sister had did something so when she ran into the bathroom none of us had no idea in what she was about to do."</p><p>"So she comes out crying still, but a little bit of blood I'm her mouth because of course, she pulled out her tooth. But the now removed tooth fell down the drain to the sink and she was crying because she lost her proof!"</p><p>"After she calmed down she was happy as a clam with a brand new $20 and everyone was quite proud of her. My sister told me she spent it on candy and shared with her little sister."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lvu5aq/whats_the_best_20_you_ever_spent/gpdxi4k?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">themasimumdorkus</a></p>
For the Story<p>"It was actually to a scammer in Rome. There was this guy right outside of Colosseum who started tying strings around my wrist and told me to make a wish. I knew it was going to cost but I thought what the hell, last day in Rome so might as well go with it. </p><p>"My wish was to find love."</p><p>"I spent rest of the day getting lost in the city and stumbled across two weddings and one baptism ceremony. So I did find love, just not for myself."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lvu5aq/whats_the_best_20_you_ever_spent/gpe7b2w?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">FatalFinn</a></p>
I realize that school safety has been severely compromised and has been under dire scrutiny over the past decade and of course, it should be. And when I was a student, my safety was one of my greatest priorities but, some implemented rules under the guise of "safety" were and are... just plain ludicrous. Like who thinks up some of these ideas?Redditor u/Animeking1108 wanted to discuss how the education system has ideas that sometimes are just more a pain in the butt than a daily enhancement... What was the dumbest rule your school enforced?
Don't Peek<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTcxNDc4OS9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYzNDE0Mzc2OH0.Y1Lzy1MTqxyVqOCe9xjeHTRZsKnbyVjYzdb4-Heldyo/img.gif?width=980" id="78b19" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="e14a90be026b734830e7661f776ba4a8" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="475" data-height="475" />schitts creek wtf GIF by CBCGiphy<p>Took all the doors off the men's room bathroom stalls because of vandalism for 2 months.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lwjlif/what_was_the_dumbest_rule_your_school_enforced/gphrfce?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank"> Endless_Vanity</a><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Endless_Vanity/" target="_blank"></a></p>
Scanned<p>School added thumb print scanners at gates of school which counted as registration - needless to say I would just walk to school scan my thumb and walk back home with them none the wiser. Was a great few months until they noticed. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lwjlif/what_was_the_dumbest_rule_your_school_enforced/gpidnou?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">richpianofan5</a></p>
Age of Empires...<p>Conservative Christian College. A group of us played Age of Empires one weekend. They didn't like it and called a meeting. Everyone involved got misdemeanors on their records. There was nothing in the handbook about it being against the rules. The only person that didn't get any punishment was the son of the president even though he was just as involved as the rest of us. <span></span></p>
"Genius"<p>In my freshman year of high school we had a terrible vandalism problem, the bathrooms would be broken in various ways almost constantly. In a stroke of pure genius, the staff decided that any bathroom that was vandalized would be closed for the week on first offense, the quarter for second, and permanently on the third offense.</p><p>They took back the rule after closing every bathroom on day one. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lwjlif/what_was_the_dumbest_rule_your_school_enforced/gpi77co?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank"> Samus388</a><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Samus388/" target="_blank"></a></p>
Is this Footloose?<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTcxNDc5Ny9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYzMzg0MjU2M30.PeBUt-YWZeeRStaD_RZlGPQzo29E9t733yqZbIiJlYs/img.gif?width=980" id="3a5bd" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="102730e3b1b90ba9cb393561c702c9af" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="500" data-height="500" />kevin bacon dancing GIF by STARZGiphy<p>Prom was a mandatory lockdown for the night in order to avoid students going to parties after prom.</p><p>Prom was held at various house parties across town instead. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lwjlif/what_was_the_dumbest_rule_your_school_enforced/gpi37x7?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Coffee-spree</a></p>
HOLDEN FOREVER!!!<p>My high school mascot was Daniel Boone holding a musket. A kid wore a Guns 'n Roses shirt to school and was told he had to change shirts because of the pistols on the shirt. He pointed out the hypocrisy of the school mascot and they changed EVERYTHING. The mascot was switched to holding a flag pole instead. <span></span></p>
No Dots<p>You couldn't wear ANY kind of head items that were "gang colours" (red or blue) - this No included hair bands, scrunchies, beads in your hair, ribbons - ANYTHING. I got in trouble for wearing a blue hair band with white polka dots. </p><p><span></span><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lwjlif/what_was_the_dumbest_rule_your_school_enforced/gphzpyf?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Pleasant-Flamingo344</a></p>
Clothes Check<p>We had to wear belts. Someone snitched that people weren't wearing belts under their sweaters, and they actually checked and a bunch of people got detentions. Stupid. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lwjlif/what_was_the_dumbest_rule_your_school_enforced/gphz3y6?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">ooo-ooo-oooyea</a></p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lwjlif/what_was_the_dumbest_rule_your_school_enforced/gphz3y6?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer"></a>We had belt raids at my school where the dean would burst into classes, completely interrupting any education, to check that everyone was wearing a belt. </p><p><span></span><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lwjlif/what_was_the_dumbest_rule_your_school_enforced/gpia8pp?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">GuinnessMicrodose</a></p>
Chase the Flat<p>We weren't allowed to play tag football at lunch, only frisbee. When I asked the principal what the difference was, he responded with a sarcastic tone, "A football is round and a frisbee is a flat disk."</p><p>He left the school later that year, went to another school, and a few years later was brought up on charges for failing to report the abuse of a student by a teacher. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lwjlif/what_was_the_dumbest_rule_your_school_enforced/gpi6lh3?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">uninc4life2010</a></p>
Poke-Thief<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTcxNDgwMy9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY0ODg5MzY2Nn0.5LMPk1suou6U2SvAURKP-sHEuK7Izpkbxm0PWqvx95E/img.gif?width=980" id="b6e9f" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="92383d30e34aa92fd74cf6c1374ec294" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="480" data-height="480" />hotline bling pokemon GIFGiphy<p>Pokemon cards got banned in middle school because someone stole the vice principal's kid's cards. Yep. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lwjlif/what_was_the_dumbest_rule_your_school_enforced/gpiapym?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank"> Skadoosh_it</a><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Skadoosh_it/" target="_blank"></a></p>
In the Face...<p>If you were involved in a fight, you got suspended. While it sounds reasonable, context didn't matter.</p><p>I got suspended once not for throwing a single punch, kick, whatever. I got suspended because someone knocked the books out of my hand and when I reached down to grab them they punched me in the face.</p><p>I got suspended for walking down the hallway and unprovoked getting punched in the face.</p><p>Forget Brandon Valley Middle School. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lwjlif/what_was_the_dumbest_rule_your_school_enforced/gpicbyx?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">CLG_MianBao</a></p>
One of the golden rules of life? Doctors are merely human. They don't know everything and they make mistakes. That is why you always want to get another opinion. Things are constantly missed. That doesn't mean docs don't know what they're doing, they just aren't infallible. So make sure to ask questions, lots of them.Redditor u/Gorgon_the_Dragon wanted to hear from doctors about why it is imperative we always get second and maybe third opinions by asking... Doctors of Reddit, what was the worse thing you've seen for a patient that another Doctor overlooked?
Grandma Wins<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTcxNDcxOC9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY0OTQxNTgzOX0.n9IaFGgHwnULMlI2kg7RUftxDg6lyWvdM9CnhvptCRY/img.gif?width=980" id="a0857" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="9762f97a23c27ccf6b75974caa854361" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="480" data-height="270" />Old Lady Wine GIF by MattielGiphy<p>Not a doctor, but my grandmother saved my father's eyesight because she didn't listen to their doctor. </p>
The Mummy Appendage<p>When I was a resident, an 80yo female was admitted from the nursing home for confusion. Workup showed some mild UTI and we were giving her antibiotics. The nurse mentioned that her toe looked dark and asked me to look at it. The toe wasn't just dark, it was mummified. It looked like dry beef jerky. I touched it and pieces flaked off. So the patient from a nursing home, had a mummified toe, probably for months, that no one knew about. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lw2g2z/doctors_of_reddit_what_was_the_worse_thing_youve/gpg00qn?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Dr2ray</a></p>
The CT Save<p>Here's my story:</p><p>A guy came in to our ICU and was very septic but still talking. He had visited his primary care MD with complaints of a sore throat for a couple of days. Dismissed without any intervention since he didn't appear to have strep throat or the flu. At this point he was having pretty severe abdominal discomfort, so we sent him for a CT scan. As the scan was finishing, he coded and had to be intubated, multi-organ failure, etc. </p>
Patches<p>When I was an ER nurse we got an elderly lady in for altered mental status from a nursing home, when we undressed her to put her in a gown and hook her up to the monitor, I noticed no less than 5 fentanyl patches on her, guess I discovered the cause of the AMS. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lw2g2z/doctors_of_reddit_what_was_the_worse_thing_youve/gpg1lml?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">ChewbaccaSlim426</a></p>
Use your Words<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTcxNDcyMi9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY1MDA1NjI0MH0.WtyCdxL1vRZwD2-jpKZXMOEakwhiBaJIkp1YPnOzlvo/img.gif?width=980" id="e45ca" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="f5b98e6a4605a587dbd97579468a51d8" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="498" data-height="367" />Communication GIF by memecandyGiphy<p>Neurologist sent patient to our ED without informing her that imaging showed a glioblastoma assuring her impending death. He didn't overlook the disease, he overlooked the communication. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lw2g2z/doctors_of_reddit_what_was_the_worse_thing_youve/gpfl5t5?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">AzureSkye27</a></p>
Mad Cow Realty<p>During my residency we had this lady in her 60s who was getting progressively more forgetful, just overall declining and getting less and less able to take care of herself. She had been seeing her pcp who diagnosed her with dementia. And she saw a neurologist who agreed. She was not really able to provide an accurate history. <span></span></p>
After Birth...<p>I used to work in maternal-fetal medicine, and every single week, we would have women referred to us "because the doctor couldn't see something clearly with the baby and wanted to double check." Nope, they just didn't want to have to be the ones to tell you that your baby had a complex cardiac defect or multiple anomalies indicative of a genetic syndrome or any other of a large number of horrible things that can happen during fetal development. Still pisses me off when I think about how many women waited weeks for more information because their doctors were cowards who couldn't tell them, "There's something seriously wrong here." <span></span></p>
bad doctors<p>I'm not a doctor, but a RN. This happened to me, but isn't nearly as bad as most of the stories on here.</p><p>When I was in college, I got to where I couldn't swallow. It started with difficulty swallowing, progressed to me having to swallow bites of food multiple times/regurgitating it, and then got to where all I could swallow was broths and mashed potatoes with no chunks. I went to the doctor multiple times, and was told every time it was acid reflux and part of my anxiety disorder. <span></span></p>
The Valve...<p>He put the pacemaker lead in the subclavian artery (and across the aortic valve into the left ventricle). The proper approach is: subclavian vein to right ventricle). And then he didn't notice it for over a year. I saw the patient (a 25 yo woman who didn't need the pacemaker in the first place) when she was in congestive heart failure. <span></span><br></p>
Bitten<p>Rattlesnake bite. On a 2 year old. Patient and dad out in the fields near a small town that is several hours away from the nearest big city, where I work.</p>
When we think about learning history, our first thought is usually sitting in our high school history class (or AP World History class if you're a nerd like me) being bored out of our minds. Unless again, you're a huge freaking nerd like me. But I think we all have the memory of the moment where we realized learning about history was kinda cool. And they usually start from one weird fact.
Here are a few examples of turning points in learning about history, straight from the keyboards of the people at AskReddit.