We all work with them. You would think in the national services we'd not have to deal with them. I'm talking about the people who fall through the cracks that we're trapped working with. The ones who are definitely not up to snuff. The humans who maybe nice but are definitely out of their depth; so we have to pick up the slack. How do they make it this far? One of life's eternal questions. But you know how to pick them out almost instantly.
Redditor u/Mr_Foreman wanted to hear from the soldiers who have shared training with some people they knew wouldn't workout by asking....
Military People of reddit, who was the "how the heck did he pass basic training" guy?
Cold History.
Getting immunization needles, I over heard the nurse asking about medical family history.
"My family has a history of hypothermia..."
During field training with blank rounds, had two negligent discharges (ended up being charged for both), threw their rifle down and starting casing black magic on the rifle. reammachine
Teddy....
GiphyOne of the kindest, sweetest, least aggressive people I know was in the Marines with me. Just a teddy bear. It's not so much that I don't know how he managed, although it was puzzling, and more that I have no idea why he wanted to. moms_new_boyfriend
The Redneck.
Had a kid at my first squadron (Air Force) who was quite possibly one of the dumbest, least self-aware people I've ever met.
This kid either couldn't or wouldn't retain basic information, which was problematic given that he was in the Intelligence career field. At one point he was presenting a briefing about North Korea, and claimed with a straight face that the capitol city of North Korea was Bogota (for those keeping score, Bogota is the capitol of Colombia).
He tried very hard to project a redneck persona, and as part of this bought a massive bright red lifted truck with obnoxious "REDNECK" decal work. Anyone with half a brain could tell you he was struggling to pay for it on his measly E-3 barracks rat pay. Eventually he decided he didn't want to pay for the truck anymore, so he drove it into a lake one night and filed an insurance claim, then used the money to immediately buy a different vehicle.
This was quickly uncovered by the police, and he was kicked out of the Air Force.
To this day I have no earthly idea who thought this kid belonged in military intelligence, or how he got through intel school. Cheesy_Bobs
It was unnerving to watch.
Had a girl who would hit herself in the face when she got upset. Like, full, hard slaps. It was unnerving to watch.
She's also hide candy and food from the mess deck and eat it alone in the head (bathroom).
Our racks (beds) were next to each other, separated by a thin piece of metal with small holes punched in it for air circulation.
One night I was reading a book and she asked me how I liked it. I asked her how she knew what I was reading and she said she was watching me through the holes in the partition.
This girl made it through the recruiter, MEPS (where they do a psych eval) AND boot camp! Clearly someone dropped the ball. beautnight
"Isn't that in Nebraska?"
There was this super nasty dude in our platoon that smelled terrible, and the squad leader figured out it's because he "washed" his clothes by putting them in the freezer overnight. He also got busted malingering by purposely not hydrating in the desert heat, passing out, and having to get IVs from the medics. He did it to get out of work. Eventually they did a home health and wellness check (off base) and found 12 dogs living in his two bedroom apartment and the floor thick as carpet with dog poop. Y'all he was was a 35 series. INTELLIGENCE.
Some scout from a cav company that I was attached to as intel support somehow always showed up when I was washing my feet (my feet got so gross in the desert and baby wipes didn't cut it). One day he got the courage to approach me from around a sand dune and asked where I'm from. I said, "Iowa." He said, "Isn't that in Nebraska?"
Also a woman I was in basic training with who had to have been on the spectrum. We had to teach her and coach her on how to shower, otherwise she just stood under the water for 30 seconds. She fell asleep while LIVE FIRING on the qualification range. A lot of us complained to our PG because we would wake up with her staring at us from the end of our bunks, crouched down like an animal. That's all I remember now. But she graduated. I wonder what happened to her? Hope she's okay. unroulyone
Hey Tom!
GiphyWe had a guy called "Tom Sawyer" his list of offenses were shaving in the chow hall, pulling his molars out with pliers, cutting his toe nails and saving them above his wall locker. Spicyfrijoles
Total Loss.
Army guy here. I went to basic with this one guy. OML. Let's start from the top: almost shot a Drill Sergeant, Got a staph infection and refused to get medicine, slept in is wall locker during toe the line (toe the line is when you stand right by your bunks quiet at the position of attention and wait for your Drill Sergeant). Would listen to the DS Explain what you would have to do and the DS would ask if there was any questions and not ask at that time but then 5 mins later ask him a dummy question. klubby2
Private 48...
GiphyFirst night of actual basic, after shark attack and all that b.s. we're all showering and getting ready for bed, I noticed a guy in the bunk across from me had already changed in to his PT's. I asked him if he was gonna shower and he said, "No, I put on 48-hour deodorant." The entire bay erupted into laughter and for the rest of basic, my guys name was private 48. troyg97
Past Basic.
After Basic Training I was at tech school in a squadron that trains Air Traffic Controllers, Airfield Managers, Command Post, and Aerospace Control and Warning Systems. Had 3 people I wonder get past Basic.
- The person who tossed a whole unopened box of hot pockets into a microwave, set it for 5 mins, and left their door room.
- The person who got 2nd degree burns when they tried to iron their uniform while wearing it.
- The girl who would "hiccup" (sounded like she was trying to imitate a raptor from Jurassic Park) in formation, or whenever people weren't paying attention to her. The_Snarky_Wolf
Out of the blue....
At one of my duty stations there was a girl that wasn't all there. One day, out of the blue, she decides to take the 3-wheel bike (the one with the large basket in between the two rear tires) and go for a spin. She hit a fence post, a parked car and a dumpster, all within 30 feet of her starting position. She eventually went to cook school. CarlosAVP
That's how he passed basic.
This guy was a student in aviation school while I was an instructor. He was a new Soldier attending his technical school after basic. Apparently he was on the autism spectrum but functioned well enough for the Army. He was great at physical tasks. That's how he passed basic. He was also very intelligent in the classroom study. If he was directly instructed he was fine. One day I found him in the hall between classrooms during a class session.
He had taken a restroom break but got sidetracked and was staring deeply into the ceiling fan. It took several attempts to get his attention. I had to touch his arm when he didn't respond to my approach or calling his name a few times. It happened a few times with other instructors until our supervisor addressed it with the division chief.
It was decided after several medical consultations and meetings with the Colonel that it wasn't safe to allow this student to proceed as a helicopter mechanic. It was ultimately a safety matter because he could get mesmerized by a spinning rotor on an airfield. Strangely I saw him later on a deployment to Afghanistan. He was reclassified as an artillery soldier. DustyShadow
Retired.
GiphyWorked with a USAF major long ago who'd been in grade for eons because he couldn't give a briefing without scratching his testicles... only the Vietnam War was keeping him in the service. Eventually he went on an orientation tour of a Minuteman site and fell into a hole; when he got out of the hospital they retired him. shleppenwolf
Not Christian.
At Basic, we had a guy who did a version of the Christian Bale deep batman voice for the entire time and never took off his eye protection—terrifying to be woken up by him for guard duty in the middle of the night. He would just loom over you and say your name while jabbing you violently with his hands. Apparently, his underwear eventually fused to his body because he didn't shower for weeks. The stench was miserable. From what I heard, he was put on suicide watch a couple of weeks after basic, but he passed basic. Lostinthelaw
Consequences.
Anyone who ever lost a weapon in the field, I've seen it happen a couple of times. You feel sorry them because of the consequences they have to face, but at the same time they totally deserve it for the hell they brought upon the whole unit lol. Koldkillr
You find officers like this too.
You find officers like this too. Not lacking basic competencies, just common sense. We had a water leak at the Naval Medical Center and the department head (O6) simply kicked off her shoes so they wouldn't get wet. Part of the ceiling in the space had collapsed and the computer tower was sitting on the floor in the puddle along with her feet. It and the outlet was throwing sparks and you could see the blue light of arcing electricity inside the tower. Didn't stop working until the first IT3 got there to point it out. You could FEEL the electricity in that room. snub999
Honestly, it was me.
Honestly, it was me. Joined the Marines at 17 as an artilleryman, didn't know at the time that I had high functioning autism. I could follow instructions well enough, so I got through basic without any real trouble, but I just didn't have much common sense in my head at the time.
I didn't like to socialize and was very awkward beyond simple order-following things. I got messed with to no end, and wound up beating the snot out of myself from the stress during fleet week. Eventually we got deployed to Iraq as civil affairs, and I was put in administrative and office duties, and found I was especially good at office work.
In the end, it was a positive experience though. I was forced into having a lot more social interactions then I would have as a civilian, and I was able to work on things like that a lot more than I would have if I had not joined. I still had a lot of trouble after leaving the Marines because it was right at the start of the recession, but I would have been even worse off otherwise. onlysane1
damn rotter.
The lad who pooped himself and didn't want to let people know so threw his kit with an actual log inside the trousers into the group wash. damn rotter.
The two females and two males who got caught "fraternising" in the briefing room the night before pass out and somehow managed to not get Day 0'd for it.
The lad who tried to give himself a neck shave and buzzed a racing stripe 5 inches up the back of his head.
The lad who broke his nose trying to impress NCO's with a backflip.
The lad who was going for gunner who couldn't for the life of him figure out how to sling a rifle. Spent 5 hours practicing, crying and stuff. Couldn't hack it and after passing out eventually months after everyone else, got kicked out for drugs. _Haze_There
Go figure.
GiphySold equipment Including his gas mask, tac vest and helmet. Started fights with fellow recruits almost every week threatened to bring his gang to shoot us up. Still passed. Go figure.
EDIT: for those curious I don't think he ever passed his trade course, and I'm fairly certain he got kicked out or released before the year was up. 99043jjdf
The Fall....
We had one guy (in my basic training platoon) that was a walking safety hazard. Among other things, he managed to fall out of a first-floor window, got a quarter of the platoon's packs the squad's packs stolen during an exercise because he fell asleep watching them, fired his rifle on full auto into the damn camp (with training rounds, luckily) because "he thought he saw a wild pig rifling through our stuff" and, to cap it all off, put a live round between the drill instructor's feet at the firing range.
He passed basic with the rest of us (the only guy that failed, failed because he deserted halfway through), although he did get a mark in his file that he was unsuited for any rank with any kind of responsibility. Aibeit
0 Hits.
GiphyThere was a guy next to me on the shooting range. We were suppose to fire a full mag at the target, 29 rounds. Well, when we were done his target had 0 hits, and mine had around 50. SentientDust
It can be a pleasant and exciting surprise to see a friend or family member show up on the evening news.
Particularly if it is a story showcasing their accomplishments or allowing them to let their voice be heard on an important issue.
Of course, showing up on the news isn't always a joyous occasion.
Indeed, some people tune in to find their friends and family on the news for reasons they might hope people will eventually forget down the line.
Redditor Miguenzo was eager to hear stories of a loved one making the evening news for less than brag-worthy stories, leading them to ask:
"What’s the dumbest reason somebody you know landed on the 6 o’clock news?"
15 Minutes, Or Four Seconds, Of Fame...
"Years back, there was a college scholarship scam going on here."
"These companies would go to high schools and do a presentation, and grift parents into paying a large sum for the company to help get a scholarship."
"My mom took one look at this and was like, 'this is a scam'."
"My uncle bought it hook, line and sinker and paid up."
"And received absolutely nothing."
"So he calls our news program and they do a feature with this company in their 'hall of shame.'"
"My uncle was absolutely THRILLED."
"'They interviewed me for 4 hours!'"
"'It's going to be huge!'"
"We all sit around the TV."
"It's February 2000."
"Boom, there's my uncle!"
"They do the lead-in..and then, there's my uncle saying..."
"'They said, uh, sue 'em'."
"My uncle is screaming."
"'What the Hell?! They were at my house for 4 hours!'"
"We still have it on VHS somewhere."
"My uncle's star moment over in seconds."- JKW1988
Episode 19 News GIF by The SimpsonsGiphyPreserved For Posterity...
"My college roommate got stuck in an infant swing at a public park and firefighters had to use some type of Jaws of Life contraption to cut the swing down and cut her out of it."- Nocomt
Oops!
"I know a guy who was interviewed on camera up in the mountains where there was a forest fire."
"He had been up there fishing with his girlfriend."
"He was married."- Fezig
Close Call
"Dude was swimming laps in a lake after dinner (i.e., around sunset)."
"Predictably, he got bit by an alligator."
"I saw him on the news, shirtless in true Floridaman fashion, with a little bandage over each tooth mark."
"The bandages made a dotted line around his shoulder and chest in the shape of an alligator's mouth, like he was in a cartoon or something."- BigRedRobotNinja
Tiere Bis Unters Dach Swimming GIF by SWR KindernetzGiphyUnpaid Extra
"There was a park nearby that had no drainage and was bowl shaped."
"So if it rained hard, this baseball park/ football field turned into a mini lake."
"It rained a lot one day and the news did a story just showing how much it rained, and in the background behind the news-woman, from out of frame you see my friend rowing past her in a kayak."- hook_killed_pan
Right Place At The Right Time?
"A fight broke out at a HS football game."
"Turned into a huge brouhaha.'
"They intervened this dumba** friend of mine on the local news, the only bit that made it into the broadcast was him saying 'For the first time in my life I was happy to see cops!'"- KneeDragr
Awww...
"Marrying their pet goldfish in an underwater ceremony, complete with a wedding gown and guests in scuba gear."- Candies-For-You
Illustration Swimming GIF by Ordinary NadeeGiphyStrike!
'A childhood friend’s dad embezzled money from the local Little League team."- Key-Zebra-4125
How Did He Even Make It To The Freezer?
"An ex boyfriend of my best friend’s sister ended up on the news for breaking into a Checkers through the drive through window and locking himself in the freezer until the cops arrived and arrested him."- pineapple3712·
Ice Cream Snack GIF by My/Mochi Ice CreamGiphySetting An Example...
"I got filmed and aired sticking a swab up my nose at drive thru covid testing."
"I had just declined to be interviewed at my car because I was afraid of getting someone sick."
"Test was negative, and my sister got a new pic for my contact profile on her phone."- idiotsavant419
Criminals Don't Ususally Wait In The Check Out Line...
"My friend was going to target with his mom to buy a tv."
"They stopped at Starbucks in the store."
"When the worker asked what the wanted he said “'he money in the register see' like an old timey gangster, then laughed ordered and payed for their coffee and went into target."
"While they were pushing their cart with a tv in it to the check out line the swat team surrounded them and arrested him for armed robbery.. was on the news."
"Got charged and everything."
"The first hearing the barista could not point him out and the judge threw out the case."- MACHOmanJITSU
Returning To The Scene Of The Crime...
"A guy from my high school stole Michael Jackson's glove from the Motown Museum in Detroit MI in early 90s."
"He returned it."
"I knew it had to be him, and yep, it was."
"I remembered him because he dressed like Michael Jackson every single day of school for years."
"He did it really well, too."
"He also didn't talk much."
"So, I was surprised to see him talking to a TV reporter about it."
"I hope he's doing well."- ATK80k
Animated GIFGiphySome people crave their 15 minutes of fame and embrace it however it may come.
Others only hope that no one they knew happened to be watching their local news that night...
Even though they know deep down that all their friends have it on their DVR and are never planning to erase it...
People say the darndest things after -- and sometimes during -- lovemaking.
Maybe it's the euphoria.
Maybe it's the adrenaline.
Maybe it's the tequila.
It's always good to have a kind-hearted joke on hand or a generic compliment.
Or maybe just grab your belongings and skedaddle.
Redditor ella-es-julia wanted to hear about the craziest pillow talk stories, so they asked:
"Men of Reddit: What's the weirdest thing a girl said to you after sex?"
The weirdest I ever got was... "What city am I in again?"
Geography matters.
Morbid Much?
In Bed Home GIFGiphy"Met girl, went on date, brought girl home, had the sex, finished the sex, laying there she says 'What would you do if I died right now?' and demanded an actual answer."
Vixxay
Meow
"Not to me, but as she walked over to the bathroom after the deed, she said 'I just did your owner' to my cat. Sexiest thing that ever happened to me."
shlanky369
"My Fiancé and I were about to start going at it when the cat appeared from under the bed and stared at me. I went, 'Babe the cat is here. I don't like how he's staring at my boobs."
"Fiancé grabbed the cat and yeeted him into the hallway with the phrase, 'Get out you weird pervert.'"
"The cat proceeded to (without his claws) smack the door over and over again while screaming for a few minutes straight. Pervert."
Trumpet6789
POP!
"'I need you to take me to the hospital. Something is now bleeding and hurts.'"
"Turns out her ovarian cyst popped. We're still together with the running joke of sex so good it put her in the ER."
DasBatt
"Ah ah ah, 2 hemorrhagic cysts ruptured, I was bleeding internally, but only a little bit. I'm still impressed by how quickly you went from a naked sex stupor to being ready and carrying me to the car. Good times."
"In the ER when they asked me what happened all I could do was shout 'we were f**kin!' through my tears. That memory still makes me laugh."
Straystar-626
Damn it's Good
"We were going at it for some time then her face went instantly from 'damn it's good' to full-on crying. I stop, ask her what's wrong and she tells me 'I can't cheat on my boyfriend, it is wrong.'"
"So this is when I learned that the girl that I met on a dating website and that I started seeing 3 weeks before and that she told me she was single had a boyfriend for over 5 years. Got her to talk more, and she told me she was on the dating website to see if there were guys better than her boyfriend so she could end up with someone better."
"This was like 20 years ago, a coworker I have right now knows her (his girlfriend is like a distant relative of hers) and I learned she had 5 different boyfriends since then, cheated on all of them except the last one (for now). She was also a cam model in secret, one of the boyfriends was a high-paying customer."
draftstone
A Binding Contract
"'Pleasure doing sex business with ya.' We then shook hands."
"Still together 5 years later!"
Tatarstan
It's nice when people who have great sex make great partners.
And it all starts with a handshake.
Sleep on It
“'I don’t usually say this but, yeah, you can stay.'"
lennyukdeejay
"Did you high-five after that? Seems like that statement called for it."
EvilNinjaX24
"This is the best one."
TomKhatacourtmayfind
Tiny Dancer
"Not really weird but I slept with this girl while backpacking Asia, she was also a backpacker. After a bit of chillin'/talking, I got up to get dressed, she looked at my flaccid manhood and said 'You're quite shy when you're not excited.' I thought it was hilarious."
fleetwoodsackk
"That's a much better way to put it. My wife, when we were just dating and had moved in together and eventually saw it flaccid just said 'Aww, it's so little.' Thanks, hun, exactly what every guy wants to hear."
striker180
Fine!
"She said 'If I get pregnant I'm keeping it.' I was dumbfounded and when I didn't respond quickly enough she got really agitated like I had hurt her feelings and yelled 'Fine! You don't have to be involved if you don't want to!'"
"We had just met that night. My condom use skyrocketed after that night."
Fullyme
"When I was a poverty-stricken college student I was banging a girl who said, 'If you get me pregnant I’ll take you for everything you own.' I said, 'All I own is my bicycle. You want that?'”
OrwellWasRight101
Amen
"Best weird compliment I ever got was 'Damn boy, you f**k like the Devil!'"
"I married her, we still goin' at it."
BeBearAwareOK
Well, these certainly created some lasting relationships... or hilarious tales to tell their friends.
Do you have any stories to share? Let us know in the comments below.
Reddit user callmejari asked:
"What's the weirdest compliment you have received?"
Zzzzz...
"Someone once told me that my voice was so soothing, it could put a crying baby sloth to sleep."
~ Marena-Cris-18
GiphyWhat About My Sneeze?
"'Your cough sounds nice' Was just a random girl on the train."
"Still throws me off 2 years later."
~ ThatGothDinosaur
GiphyHope It’s Not SpongeBob
"A 5-year-old kid told me he liked me because I looked like a cartoon."
~ Sea_Ganache620
Giphy
Unfulfilled Potential
"I have nice wide birthing hips."
"I'm a guy."
~ kudzufarmer
"You got the foundation for it, you're just missing the plumbing."
~ ARoundForEveryone
Giphy
Wrong Hemisphere, But Thanks
"When I was 16 working the drive thru—'You’re the prettiest Arabic girl I’ve ever seen'."
"I’m Mexican. But thank you ma’am."
~ 3sp00py5me
GiphyWas His Name Vlad?
"'You've got beautiful veins'."
"By the guy that injected my contrast before an MRI."
~ Reblax837
Werner Herzog Halloween GIF by Arrow VideoGiphyIt Keeps My Teeth In Place
"Some random NYC man told me I had a nice chin once. I still think about him."
~ pssht07070707
GiphyNever Skip Leg Day
"I was told by a woman walking behind me on stairs that I had great calves."
"It was kind of weird at the time."
~ Sider-Pride
Not The BBQ Ones
"'I like your ribs'."
"From random girl at a pool party during a music festival."
~ Particular-Natural12
GiphyCleaning Up On Aisle 5
"I delivered bread to grocery stores in the 90’s and when I decided to change routes, the young lady who had always checked me in told me she’d really miss the sound of my voice."
~ OGGBTFRND
GiphyBloody Offal
"One time I was at the doctor for some lower back pain getting an ultra sound and the tech looked me dead in the eye and said 'You have really nice kidneys. They're very plump.'"
"Best strange compliment I ever received."
~ FlashRage
A compliment is a compliment, right?
What's the weirdest compliment you've received?