Sleep Walkers And Talkers Admit The Most Embarrassing Things They've Ever Done

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Somnambulism or noctambulism and somniloquy are medical conditions. Somniloquy is the act of talking in your sleep, is quite common, and is not considered a serious problem. Somnambulism or noctambulism is the act of walking or or performing other complex behaviors while asleep. It is classified as a sleep disorder, affecting 1%-15% of people, requiring treatment due to potential injury or even death due to accident.

Reddit user maelstrommartin asked "Sleep walkers, talkers etc...what is the weirdest thing you've done in your sleep?"

Here are the fascinating responses.

Red Is My Favorite Flavor

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I collected all the red pieces from our display of potpourri in the living room. Only the red pieces. Put them on a platter like it was a snack, put it on my nightstand, and went back to bed.

Kung-Fu

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My friend sleepwalked every night. One evening we watched old ninja/kung fu movies and went to sleep in separate rooms. Woke up in the middle of the night to find him gone and the front door open. Had to wake up his parents (he was then renting their basement, which was a full apartment) and after fifteen minutes of searching in different locations we found him running around in a nearby park, fighting air. He now sleeps with a small source of light and he apparently does not sleepwalk anymore (though we can't know for sure because he now has his own house).

Kakas!

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I yelled rooster in Hungarian repeatedly. Scared the s*** out of my fiance as we were only together a few weeks at the time.

The Men

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Not me, but my husband.

Getting up to use the restroom in the night, he grabs my arm and mentions something about it will all be fine as long as I don't tell them my name. I ask who and he mentions the creatures at the foot of the bed. I decide it's best to fall back asleep then get up.

Numbers Man

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A couple weeks ago, I shook my roommate awake saying that I needed to find the "man with the numbers".

He said it really freaked him out then I just went back to my bed and fell face first into it.

Are You My Mother?

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I used to sleepwalk as a kid. I've eaten cat food and woken up with the worst taste in my mouth. Also according to my mom, I've gotten up and come out of my room, looked right at her and asked where my mom is.

Vacant Stare

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My sister and I shared a room and she would talk in her sleep, which didn't bother me too much.

But every once in a while she would suddenly bolt upright in the bed and silently stare at me.

Morbid Curiosity

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Apparently I sat straight up, turned to my roommate, and asked her, "are you dead yet?" and proceeded to fall straight back to sleep.

Retraction

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The first time my husband said he loved me, he was asleep.

When he woke up I asked what he was dreaming about. He said he was driving a tractor through his old high school.

Go a Few Rounds

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Me and my then girlfriend were taking a nap. She was on the side of the bed with a wall I was on the outer end. She woke up to me saying "no... no stop ice-cream." She was really confused and was about to wake me up when in my sleep I threw a punch missing inches from her head and hitting the wall. (there was a small dent afterwards) I explained that I was having a dream that where Ice-cream men were kidnapping her and I was fighting them off. She was used to me talking and screaming but never sleep fighting. I obviously apologized and was very embarrassed about the whole ordeal.

Ambien Walrus

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My girlfriend will occasionally sleep text me due to some medication. The weirdest thing I remember is her saying she needs more potatoes to buy a shark. The sharks for sale could also predict the future. I never found out how many she needed. Also no red, they only accept russet.

Getting Down to Business

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On one of our first nights sleeping together, my boyfriend rolled over, snuggled up behind me, and seductively whispered:

"I support your business."

Not realizing he was asleep, I asked what he meant. He growled:

"I would buy all your merchandise."

I'll never let him live it down. Sometimes I like to bring up the stock market when I talk dirty.

Potential Threat

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I wrapped my arm around my husband and squeezed him really hard.

Another time, I pushed him into a sitting position and "dove" off the bed behind his back.

My sleep specialist told me not to own any guns or keep keys, pocket knives, or pills near my bed.

Packrat

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Used to collect random things around my room and put them in bed with me.

The weirdest one for me was when I woke up with my head at the foot of the bed snuggling my lamp.

Dreaming of a Music Career

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Me and my brothers (3) used to share a bedroom. One night I woke up to see two of my brothers also sitting up listening to my third brother rapping in his sleep. It was in Spanish, and none of it really made much sense, but it rhymed.

B for Breakfast and Other Words

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The second night I spent sharing a bed with my husband, he sat bolt upright in bed in the middle of the night and said "oh my god, why are there cans everywhere? The bed is full of canned goods! Under the blankets and stacked up." I didn't yet know about his sleep talking, so I was bewildered.

Then he calmed down and laid back down next to me. He grabbed me and said, "I'm gonna need honey on my cereal."

Kibble Nibble

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This was recounted to me by my girlfriend one morning when I was working night shifts: I got up out of bed and walked over to the dog's food bowl, then took a handful and started eating it. I then proceeded to walk back to the bedroom and said "This popcorn tastes like S#!%" and got back into bed.

Determined to Sleep In

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I unplugged my alarm clock in my sleep.

That required me crawling under my bed and reaching up to the plug behind the headboard.

How Do You Get Hit Points?

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My boyfriend plays video games and talks in his sleep, especially in the midst of waking up. He once told me as I tried rousing him that he "had to get the medium ending". I also kissed his forehead once and he mumbled something about each of my kisses being worth two defense potions.

Permission Granted

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My husband sleep talks. He has said many things that are pretty funny, but my favorite was last week. He was laying on his stomach and kind of looked towards me and said "you can touch my butt, you know."

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