We have to find some way to be proud of ourselves.

For example, I can recite the alphabet backwards. My brother can bend his index finger all the way back without blinking an eye.

Our useless talents are a part of our identity just like our useful ones. And we get to be prouder of our useless weird talents since hardly anybody else can do them.


u/ShowofStupidity asked:

What's a useless talent that you are proud of?

Here were some of those answers.

Vibration Vision

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I can shake/vibrate my eyes.

SwobCena

Me too. When i was younger i could really get them going but my skills have diminished

jroze_

Kobeeeeeee

I can spin cushions on my finger like a basketball.

jackkbabe


Me too. Books and plates as well. My mom always freaked out whenever I spun her plates. I still do it for a laugh when I visit.

treetreestwigbranch

More Belly, More To Dance With

I can belly dance incredibly well. I'm a fat dude in his thirties.

Squibabudi


Back in college I was known for having the ability to twerk along with the trashiest thots in the club. I can still bounce that booty, but nearly as filthy as I used to back in college.

I'm a tall lanky nerdy Asian dude in his 30s.

bigtcm

Show Me The Key

After working for years as a fire alarm inspector, i have handled a LOT of keys to a LOT of buildings. At this point, just by looking at a lock, I can tell which key on my keychain will work, and just by looking at a key, i can tell exactly what kind of lock it will fit.

Pretty useless skill to have, but I find it amusing when a new hire is scrambling through the different keys to try and unlock a door, and then I walk up and pick the right key first try.

nut_button

Scrunch Crunch Munch

I can chug a plastic water bottle in 5 seconds by crushing the bottle. One of my proudest and oddest flex.

MubbaBump22

In elementary school we would all see how fast this one kid could chug those milk cartons. He downed like, 14 fl.oz of milk in 5 seconds at my house. He was there, my mom turned around, looked back, he was gone and in his place, an empty milk glass. I miss that kid.

GrackleLackin

Rumbly Rumbly In My Ear Canally

I can make a rumble noise in my ears whenever I want to.

its called your "tensor tympani muscle" and the Wikipedia article says "some individuals can voluntarily produce a rumbling sound"... So you could be one of those lucky individuals as well!

ClarkDiggity

The Nerdiest Family

Factor a quadratic in my head. And use the FOIL method.

In my house to get rid of hiccups we give each other mental math problems. Concentrating on the problems causes your diaphragm to relax. I'm in college now so we have gone from long division to quadratic equations. My mom would throw integrals and derivatives at me, but its been too long since she has been in college for her to know if I'm right or not.

elst3r

Ding Ding Ding

Without tracking it consciously or cheating by looking, I always know when a microwave is about to ding.

Beachdoggo

I worked at a convenience store for a short stint many years ago making breakfast sandwiches in an industrial oven - at any given time, there could be 2-6 trays of food of varying cooking times in there. I had an uncanny knack of knowing when any one of the timers would beep within 3 seconds, at a solid 90% rate of success. It's a weird flex for sure.

micmac1007

Tilt A Whirl

When I'm putting the cap back on a soda bottle, I place it on top and give it a spin with my finger. Closes the sucker all the way with one swift spin. Pretty useless but I've perfected it over the years.

drunkpunk138

Must be annoying with so many people online undoing all your work

TheRealSuperhands

Feets And Up

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I'm really good at picking things up with my toes, like when I'm cleaning the house up or whatever. I ended up developing a chronic pain condition that affects my back when I got into my 20s so it oddly worked in my favor.

Side talent fact- last week my 4 year old wanted to show me her "useless" talent she had been working on and guess what. Girl is damn good at picking things up with her toes. We're weird girls....

wohinoy


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There has to be some funnier or more "for the times" type of "you've been naughty" stocking stuffer.

I feel like the statement coal used to make is kind of last century at this point.

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What is it about them that stirs up these feelings?

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Nik Shulaihin/Unsplash

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Maybe it already has?

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