Intimacy is more than just sex - it's connection, communication and validation. So what do you do when you've been missing it and it's starting to get to you?
One Reddit user asked:
People who've been single for a long time: how do you deal with the lack of intimacy?
We're not going to lie to you - no everyone is coping well. This isn't about to be an article full of inspirational rich folk who cope with loneliness by traveling to another country and falling in love with a billionaire who was disguising themselves as a construction worker/fisherman. Sorry to all you Lifetime movie fans.
What you will find are practical tips, honesty, vulnerability, and a lot of talk about the value of wanking with love.
Troll
I call people names on the internet so I know what it's like to have social interactions with other humans...
...b*tch
fck you too b*tch!
sobs inconsolably in the corner
No f*ck you!
*sits next to you and also cries uncontrollably *
Man's Best Friend
Dog Sup GIF by MOODMAN
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Living vicariously thru the shows and music also drinking a sh*t ton, but realistically it gets really really lonely. Especially at night when u have all these thoughts and no one to tell them to, but my dog is what keeps me sane.
I don't know what I would do without him; he's my best friend.
Dogs are the best whether one is single or in a relationship.
Feels Like A Hassle
I used to be a serial monogamist. Been single for like 8 years now? I've lost track. Honestly, I'm happier being single than I ever was in a relationship.
I get the emotional intimacy that I need from friendships and these days I haven't really craved physical intimacy. I have so much that I want to do in my free time that it makes trying to fit a relationship into my life feel like a hassle.
I know and respect that everyone's needs are different, but the thought of being in a relationship plus having kids—like when would I ever sleep? Let alone have time for myself?
p.s. I love working with kids—they're the best. But dang, I love coming home to no one and being able to do what I want, when I want. Lol
Easier As An Introvert
I'm an introvert so I guess it's easier for me, all I have to do is occasionally rub one out and occasionally meditate. That keeps me happy enough sexually and mentally. Every once in a while I try to pick up a lady.
- warpus
Aspiring For Single Time Again
It's funny... I'm in a relationship now, but was single for a long time. When I was single I filled my life doing all the things I aspire to do once again now that I'm in a relationship. I just don't have the time.
- pbm9
Yeah, I've been married for 6 months now, after a long time single. I make sure to still do things I enjoy, at the same time I have to balance things to give time to wifey and my hobbies.
An Expression Of Self Love
I'm pretty introverted, so the lack of companionship doesn't bother me that much. I have a few close friends and talk to each of them about once every six weeks or so, and I interact with people from work fairly regularly. Plus I have my parents and siblings, whom I talk to often, so I really don't lack the social interaction I need. An ideal night for me is just watching YouTube / playing Switch / messing around on Reddit, so being single is kind of a nice fit.
As far as sex goes, I've found it's helpful to try to think of masturbation as a form of self-love, as opposed to just a utilitarian "crank it out" way of getting temporary relief. If you love yourself, and you try to view self-pleasure as an expression of that love, it can satisfy you on an emotional level as well as physically.
I'm not going to lie and pretend that masturbation is as good as regular sex (except in a handful of cases where it's really good), but it can be a lot more emotionally powerful than you'd think if you use it in the right way.
- Norcia
Not That Serious
hqg GIF
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It's not that deep : people need to learn how to be alone and love themselves rather than waste all their energy on somebody who may not even be there 12 months later.
Two half people don't make a whole. You have to be happy with yourself being single if you want a relationship with another person to work. So I embrace and enjoy being single. And the few relationships I do get into don't last longer than they should.
But Here I Am
My wife died 9 years ago. We had a wonderful, dynamic, intimate relationship. I was the happiest I've ever been in my life. She seemed to feel that way too. Her family told me she had never been happier. And then she was gone.
At the urging of friends and family I tried dating a year or so after she passed. After four or so odd years of that I'd had enough. I recently ended a platonic relationship with a lady I met during that time after several years of trying, and failing, to work through her intimacy issues
That all said, the lockdown has hardened me even more. I'm comfortable alone. I've given up. I never thought things would end up this way but here I am. It used to terrify me but I'm good with it now.
- gaberax
Feeling Free
There's flashes where I feel lonely, but they're so short and infrequent that they've become really easy to weather. I think we all want that emotional connection with someone but it's no longer a requirement for me to be happy. I just throw myself into my career and hobbies now when I'm in a rut about it.
When I got out of my last relationship I just felt so free and had the ability to completely reinvent myself. I've had some chances to be in longer relationships since then but I really like just having all of my time to myself to do whatever I feel like doing. It would take a really special person for me to give up being single now, and if it never happens again, I won't regret it because I don't want to settle and be miserable.
It Varies
I'm 29 and I've been single now for 9 years, in the past couple of years I've managed to be intimate with 2 woman and it feels like its given me a new breadth of life in terms of confidence
However before that there were days or weeks I yearned for nothing more than to have someone and it was painful, the longer it got the less confidence I had, the more I judged myself, the more I looked down on myself, then there could be weeks or months that it wouldn't even cross my mind and I was content being alone
What I'm trying to say is that it varies day by day sometimes good sometimes bad, it's not really about dealing with it, it's more like you have no choice and time just keeps on passing and you just have to try to remain hopeful
That's my view anyway.
Other Types Of Love And Intimacy
I've been focused on other types of love and intimacy: New friendships, love of family, and the intimate relationships I have that are not romantic (nor physical, but they are definitely intimate).
Self love, especially. Both in terms of caring for myself by hydrating, eating, sleeping, creating... And also in terms of masturbation. It has been nice getting to know myself more in that way and it keeps my head clear. (Which helps me maintain boundaries with friends... It is easier to get distracted by physical attraction when I haven't gotten off recently.)
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Wanna jump off the bandwagon? Then keep reading!
U/lit3rallyuseless asked: What doesn't deserve the hate it gets?
​Film and media are probably the biggest contender for being hated on randomly. It may seem harmless, but not always deserved.
Actors are people too!
Actors who played characters that people didn't like.
Really if you hated the character then the actor did a good job (assuming that was the role).
The best cartoons.
nice day summer GIF by PBS KIDSGiphyChild cartoons. Some are actually really good, even as an adult.
I feel like watching cartoons aimed at generally a younger audience allows for you to be reminded of some life lessons, I know I forget some things, or didn't realise others, or it at least partially renews my awareness of something I should still like or appreciate
This doesn't deserve awards, it's just my opinion that is apparently shared by many.
This man did nothing wrong.
Guy Fieri, he literally is the nicest person in the world but since he looks like he was electrocuted by mountain dew people want to saw his head off.
Even before that, I was witness to his other charitable work. A few years back, Santa Rosa was hit by some terrible fires and he showed up at a few shelters and personally cooked up and served some killer buffet food. No cameras, no massive team of PR, just a dude with an assistant to keep him on schedule to hit up other shelters in the area. Guy Fieri legit earned a lot of respect in my book for that.
You know who DEFINITELY doesn’t deserve hate? Animals. They’re just living their best lives, and need to be left alone.​
The best cats.
Black cats.
We got a black cat for the first time last year. I've since formulated the theory that black cats might get some of their reputation from the fact that people can't see them well in the dark and so they seemingly appear out of nowhere and they might be instinctually cautious because they know people have a tendency to kick them while walking in the dark. Our black cat is the sweetest cat I've ever known.
They get a bad rep.
Discovery Sharks GIF by Shark WeekGiphySharks. They are beautiful, complex creatures, deserving of respect and, like any wild animal should be left alone in their natural habitat, but they get this reputation as vicious bloodthirsty monsters. This is only because every shark attack is news, and only then because they are so rare. More people are killed EVERY DAY by mosquitoes than sharks kill in a year.
Any apex predator that has remained evolutionarily unchanged for hundreds of millions of years, whose existance predates TREES, is deserving or our respect and admiration. Shine on, you crazy cartlaginous fish, shine on.
So cute too!
Opossums. They're neat little critters. They eat tons of ticks that carry Lyme disease, (mostly) don't carry rabies because their body temp is too low, and they're the only marsupial native to North America! They get a bad rap because their first defense is to hiss and bare teeth, but failing that, they just play dead.
If you don't have the predisposition to hate them, you'll find they're pretty cute too.
E: this is about /opossums/, the north American species.
Kiwis, I feel for you, but this comment isn't about your possums.
​Hating on other people for just living their lives also seems to be a big contender for things that don’t deserve to be hated on.
This is so true.
Unemployed people. A lot of people genuinely are looking for work and did not want to lose their last job/it was beyond their control (like a layoff) but they get so much hate and called lazy by most people. I know too many unemployed people that are actually really trying hard. They definitely aren't lazy. (Not saying lazy unemployed people don't exist, but to be fair, so do lazy employed people too lol)
Leave the weather man alone!
Fox Raining GIF by Family GuyGiphyMeteorologists. They try their best to predict the weather based on patterns, models, and data. They're not perfect because predicting the weather is insanely difficult. When they get it wrong, I think we should go easy on them. It was probably an outlier result almost no one could have foreseen.
I've seen people get angry over the meteorologists for getting it right. Like they control the weather - it is their fault we are having rain, that kind of BS. Never made sense to me, but hey, I have plenty of relatives I clashed with growing up.
Please stop being d*cks to these people.
Customer service associates.
I hate when customers think that I, the minimum wage person forced to sit there and listen to them yell, am personally responsible for every policy they disagree with. Like, ma'am, if I had that much power and influence, I wouldn't be sitting here on a Saturday evening serving you.
Wholesome and necessary.
People don't deserve hate they give themselves when they are not doing too good at the moment.
I'm in a weird place and I didn't know I needed to read this. Thanks buddy.
If you haven't heard it from anyone else today, I'm proud of you.
It seems like people hate on things simply because they think they're meant to hate them. But you can always be the change and make an effort to stop being an a**hole about certain things.
No matter what though, sometimes haters gonna hate