
Single People Admit Their Biggest And Most Embarrassing Flirting Fails
[rebelmouse-image 18359944 is_animated_gif=Getting out in the dating game takes a lot of bravery. You either need to be able to show honesty and openess to try and make a true connection. Or maybe that doesn't matter to you, and you're simply looking for a one night connection. Regardless of your intentions, you need to be able to show the person you're interested. For some of us, of course that'd be the time when you trip over a stray dime and spill your scalding soup all over the floor. Reddit user, r/ancientkillerX, wanted to know the biggest mistakes made in hopes of making that connection when they asked:
What's the biggest way you failed when trying to flirt with someone?
Take Me Home Tonight...?
[rebelmouse-image 18353717 is_animated_gif=Biggest fail of when someone was trying to flirt with me: I was leaving a party in college, a cute girl offered to drive me home, I said no because I lived 1 block away, she was persistent, so was I...
Took me a couple of days to figure that one out
Keep Your Bottles In Check
[rebelmouse-image 18359946 is_animated_gif=Was at a festival, and went over to talk to a girl I was interested in. For some reason I tried to get her attention with a water bottle, that was unknowingly open.
I f---ing soaked her with it.
There is no coming back from that.
You Know They're Two Different Countries, Right?
[rebelmouse-image 18359948 is_animated_gif=I was ~18 and trying to flirt with a guy who I was sure had a French accent. I wanted to ask where he was from, and said, "Je suis de France?" which, unbeknownst to me at the time, means "I am from France?" He was completely unamused and goes, "I'm from Hungary."
Ten years later and I've never tried to speak French again.
Or Hungarian.
When Someone Asks You To Take Their Lollipop...
[rebelmouse-image 18353423 is_animated_gif=My college crush and I were riding the elevator and she was sucking on her lollipop. She looked at me straight in the eyes and asked me if I wanted it, pointing the lollipop at my lips. I said, "Nah, I'm good." Elevator opened on my floor and I went to class.
I f---ing hated what I did for the rest of the semester.
...Same Goes For A Coke
[rebelmouse-image 18354070 is_animated_gif=I did something similar.
So I'm a nurse and there was a coworker I was crushing on pretty hard. He had a bottle of diet Coke or something similar at work one day in which he took one sip out of it, then asked if I wanted to share it with him. However my dumb a-- misheard him, and I thought he said that he picked it up out of a patient's room and that he saw the patient take only one sip out of it so it was "barely used". The thing that I misheard was that he said he took a sip out of it, but I heard a patient did instead. I had no idea he was drinking from this bottle, and I thought he was offering me a random patient's bottle of Coke who went home. I proceeded to belt out "EWW! F-ck no! What's wrong with you?!" while laughing pretty hysterically.
He looked so sad after but I couldn't really understand why until later that night after he went home and I replayed the situation in my head and realized that I completely misheard him.
As Long As You Get There, I Suppose
[rebelmouse-image 18359949 is_animated_gif=I'm terrible at missing cues like that. I didn't realize my crush-now-boyfriend had been flirting for weeks until he kissed me. The biggest "no sh-t Sherlock" moment I still kick myself over was that he texted me once and said "I'm sore after working out, can you help me and rub my back?"
He and I lived down the hall from each other, so it wasn't a big deal. I thought, sure, I'll be a good friend. I rubbed his back for a minute until he took off his shirt, telling me it'd be easier. To be fair, it was, but like goddamn I should've known then and there. Instead, I went back to my room and had a crisis over how toned his chest was.
Should've Read More Dr. Seuss
[rebelmouse-image 18359950 is_animated_gif=I liked this girl named Sydney and I was like "you know, sydney and pretty rhyme for a reason :)" and she was like "sydney and pretty don't rhyme tho lol".
it was the biggest L of my entire life
[TwainZ__]1
Should've just used your finger guns and been like 'That's the point'.
You'd no longer look like an idiot, but you'd look like an -sshole.
Should've Cited Your Sources
[rebelmouse-image 18358367 is_animated_gif=Does sending her a five paragraph long email, describing how madly in love you are with her, count?
I dont know if it necessarily counts as flirting, because it wasn't subtle, but it definitely failed lol.
That's Why You Always Leave A Note
[rebelmouse-image 18345132 is_animated_gif=In year 1 there was a girl i had a crush on, in my little child mind i thought a good way to get her to like me was to leave those Smiggle erasers, that you put on the end of your pencil, on her desk, smart little child me forgot to actually think about how that would work, she had no idea where they came from and just gave them to the teacher because she thought someone lost them.
When Neither Knows What To Do
[rebelmouse-image 18359951 is_animated_gif=Not me, but a guy I sort of had a crush on totally failed at trying to flirt with me.
We had been flirting and bantering back and forth for months and nothing ever came of it. But one day I ran into him when I was shopping at the grocery store he works at. We had not seen each other in like 6 weeks at this point so we hugged and made small talk.
As we were hugging to say goodbye he turned his head and full on licked my face.
It was incredibly strange.
How Do Mouths Work, Again?
[rebelmouse-image 18359952 is_animated_gif=Cute bartender I'd been lusting after brought me a drink and sat down with me.
I freaked out so bad I spilled the drink on myself TWICE before I actually managed to get any of it in my mouth.
Sigh.
When The Magic Just Doesn't Hit
[rebelmouse-image 18359953 is_animated_gif=I was like 11 on the monorail at Disney. There was a girl I thought was pretty but I couldn't think of any thing to say.
Right before she left for her stop I just said "I like your braces". She looked at me like I had a third eye. My dad had a look of disappointment. It's a moment that still haunts me.
Keep In Mind The Days Of The Week
[rebelmouse-image 18348563 is_animated_gif=She was a stranger, we passed each other, and I was maybe hoping to [strike] up a conversation. That was not the right way, that's for sure.
"I love the way you smell."
In my defense, it had been a long week.
Easy Rule: Don't Make Them Think Of Dead Dogs
[rebelmouse-image 18348581 is_animated_gif=She was talking about Alaska and jokingly said she thinks her dog could run in the Iditarod. And I responded with, "Hey, just like that one book we had to read in middle school! Stone Fox! Wait, but not the ending."
And we sat in awkward silence for a few moments as I realized I made her visualize the death of her dog that she loved so very much.
And He Was Never Seen Nor Heard From Again
[rebelmouse-image 18359954 is_animated_gif=I'm female. I wanted to try to flirt with the cute cop guarding my work building, so on my way back from walking in the rain without an umbrella I tried to make small talk about the weather. What came out instead was:
"In case you didn't know it's raining outside just take a look at me, I'm nice and wet."
His face turned bright red and once I realized what just came out of my mouth I stuttered something like "no, no, I mean....uhhh"
And then I ran up to my office and hid the rest of the day. Never saw him again.
Avoid Stairs
[rebelmouse-image 18359955 is_animated_gif=Was hitting on this girl in college, was a party we had going on in one of the halls (end of the term I think)
Things going well, both having drinks and stuff, just as I'm starting to "make a move in" for a kiss this guy walks past with his girlfriend on his shoulders and the girl I'm flirting with goes "I wanna do that"
So, very drunken me picks her up, proceeds to walk her straight to the next hall, then I trip, she slips down and falls flat on her face, lots of blood poring from her nose.
I stand up to see her on the floor like this, and stupidly say "your face looks f---ed"
She never spoke to me again
When It All Comes Crumbling Down...
[rebelmouse-image 18359956 is_animated_gif=So back when I started learning how to flirt a few prior successes made me decide to try my luck with this intimidatingly hot girl. So I walk up her brimming with confidence tap her on her shoulder, she turns around and I said "Hey" with a raised eyebrow. She's looking unimpressed so I follow up "Why would a girl like you feel the need to hide that pretty brown hair" (her hair was black at the time), she's smiling now I've got this. She gets really close to me all giggly and bright eyed asking how I knew her hair was brown. Her hotness shatters my false confidence and I start mumbling her having freckles, genetic impossibilities and deductive reasoning... it was all down hill from there.
Happy Ending, At Least
[rebelmouse-image 18359957 is_animated_gif=I was talking to a girl and her friend in a nightclub and it was going well so I figured id whip out the ol iPhone 3G (long time ago I know) to ask for her number.
I was far too enthusiastic and it went flying out my hand and landed on the floor and reset so it displayed the apple logo.
I just picked it up and said sighed "never mind" and walked away with my shame.
Little did I know the girl who is now the mother of my child watched it happen and was laughing from afar.
"It All Became A Little Too Much For Me..."
[rebelmouse-image 18346466 is_animated_gif=When I was seven I had a crush on this girl in my class. I was the only boy in the class who actually liked girls by this age and I tried to hide it. At the same time though I really wanted her to be my girlfriend, whatever seven year old me thought that entailed.
So I tried a bunch of different things, I invited her to my birthday party, where my brother made fun of me the whole night, I always picked her when we played 7up, stuff like that. My favorite was when it was Valentine's Day and I wanted to impress her, so I tried to smell really good, I didn't own cologne because I was seven, so I covered myself in baby powder. No joke like head to toe underneath my clothes was covered in baby powder.
On top of that I made this huge Valentine's Day card that had this picture of me and her holding hands I drew myself. When it came to hand out the Valentine's, we did, but I was so nervous when I did it, and everyone started mocking me saying I had a crush on this girl. It all became a little too much for me and I vomited, on to my crush.
If that weren't enough, upon realizing my mistake I blurted out, I'm so sorry, I love you! As I was trying to clean the vomit off of her with my bare hands. Safe to say she didn't feel the same way.
Clever Girl
[rebelmouse-image 18348575 is_animated_gif=Fancied a lass for ages i was around 23 her 22 we was heavily into raving/clubbing at the time to hardhouse specifically. Now this girl Steph was really pretty but had a very unique bone structure to her face the type models have.
So I was pretty smashed and we crossed paths in a club and small talk ensued and I basically said " Steph you are really hot and unique looking you have the bone structure of a velociraptor"
She was horrified and genuinely we spoke very little after this.
Hello, I'm Up Here.
[rebelmouse-image 18359958 is_animated_gif=I meant to say "hi" or something but his arms were so beautiful.
I ended up saying "biceps".
[FamiliarNameMissing\]1_
Deer Blood...Got You Married? Everything I Know Is Wrong...
[rebelmouse-image 18351039 is_animated_gif=I had been invited to go with a friend to Chicago. We brought along a friend of hers, but someone I hadn't ever met. He was a cute guy though, and we talked a lot, had a lot of similar interests.
At one of the museums in Chicago, my friend wanted to go see a deep sea movie, and I... can't do anything deep sea. Her friend offered to stay outside with me so we could both go look at the Lascaux cave painting exhibiting, which was VERY exciting to me. It wasn't all just about the cave painting, but about ancient life, knapping, hunting, the way they made things, etc...
So I, not being able to control myself because I have 0 social knowledge and I'm also yeehaw country, at the exhibit about hunting specifically, ask this very cute guy I am very interested in if he knows how easy it is to skin a deer. He looks at me.
I look up at him and keep. Going.
My brain is screaming at me to stop but it has no control over my stupid honky mouth.
"Simple as getting a truck, a knife, a rope, and some rocks! You cut around the neck...
This dipsh-t dated me and married me instead of running for his life.
Four years married this May. Love you forever, babe, through brightest day and blackest night.
H/T: Reddit
It's a teacher's job to leave a lasting impression and set a good example for their students.
With this in mind, particularly in this age of viral videos and social media, teachers have to be very careful of what they say during class hours.
Even so, there are very few teachers who haven't said something they've regretted when teaching a class.
Sometimes to control unruly students, other times when they've simply had enough.
Then too, sometimes teachers leave their students baffled and perplexed by what they say in their classroom, well aware of what they were saying.
Always making for a memorable story.
"What’s the wildest thing you’ve ever heard teacher say in class?"
And Anyone With Such Closed Minded Views Shouldn't Be Teaching...
"Had the Head of the Department in college claim in class that anyone who actually needs accommodations for mental health issues should not be in college to begin with."
"This was while we were discussing 'Death of a Salesman' and the discussion had veered over to unhealthy pressure and social standards for success."- RavensQueen502
Wait what?!
"My very well-respected Biology teacher in college spent almost an entire lecture telling us that Jamie Lee Curtis was a hermaphrodite."
"It seemed oddly personal to him."- Urbane_Cowboy
Sad On So Many Levels
"Not heard but my freshmen year high school teacher once pulled a bottle of Jack out of his desk and took a shot during class."
"He was dying so towards the end I think he just stopped caring."- Mangothefello
Can't Take The Heat, Then Stay Out Of The Classroom...
"High school science teacher told my class that a kilometre was longer than a mile."
"Refused to budge when refuted and kicked out several students for doing so."- SupersonicDebris13
"5th grade teacher: 'Mount Whitney in California is the tallest mountain in the world'."
"5th grade me blurts out: 'No it isn't, Mount Everest is."
"Whitney is not even the tallest mountain in the USA, which is Mount McKinley in Alaska'."
"I got in trouble for 'contradicting the teacher'."- gtmattz
It's Not Just Students Who Are Bullies...
"I had a teacher ridicule a fat kid about his lunch choices in front of the whole class."
"He ran out crying as she was making fat guy blimp gestures and telling him he was going to be huge as an adult."- SnooOwls5859
Some Dramatic License It Seems...
"I had a literature teacher who told the class that he didn't believe in dinosaurs, because the universe is only a couple thousand years old."
"The bones were put there by Satan."
"Thank f*ck he wasn't a science or history teacher."- AllBadAnswers
Everyone Deserves Nice Acomodations...
"My English teacher told us that he genuinely believes that the Rothchilds own a hotel for aliens in the Bermuda triangle."- TroyLear77
Well, Then...
"We had this kid in our 6th-grade class."
"Very dark skinned kid from Africa."
"His name was Tajak."
"Every now and then when we'd line up to go to another class or lunch and the lights would go out some of his friends would go 'where Tajak at?'"
"Anyway one day we had a sub and we we're lining up for lunch, the lights went out and there went the 'where Tajak at?' and the SUBSTITUTE TEACHER who was also black went 'Boy you darker than night'."
"6th grade was f*cking wild."- 11221mikew
Sad Premonitions
"Psych teacher in high school told us that 1 in 10 of the people were friends with in high school would be dead within 5 years of graduating."
"At the time I thought it was hyperbole, but it turns out he was being conservative."
"3 of the people in my high school friend group were dead by the time I was 22."- Reddit
Do They Really Need A Reason?
"'Now girls, don't you let them boys touch your breasts'."
"'It'll give you cancer'."- jondru
Maybe Should Have Checked With The Geography Teacher?
"A teacher in Elementary school claimed during history class that the Colosseum was in Greece, as an Italian kid I was very confused, this was in Mexico."- Spascucci
So Much For Instilling Hope...
"Didn't hear this personally, but read in a book about a guy who recalled his teacher skipping chapters in a textbook and saying 'You will not need to know this when you are down in the mines'."- futanari_kaisa
The mark of a good teacher is that students will take everything they hear from them with them for the rest of their lives.
Though, the less-than-wonderful teachers may also say things their students will never forget.
People Who've Had A Serious Illness Describe The Exact Moment They Knew Something Was Really Wrong
As a kid, I never raised alarm bells even when I started to feel sick. My mom got stressed easily and was busy taking care of my younger brother, so I never wanted to be a burden by making her take me to the doctor only to find out nothing was wrong.
However, in fifth grade, my ears started to hurt and I knew something was wrong. I told my mom, she took me to the doctor, and I found out I had an ear infection.
Now, an ear infection isn't serious at all, and it was easily treatable. Still, I learned something from that experience: no one knows your body better than you. You know if and when you're sick and how serious it is, even if you don't now exactly what is wrong.
Redditors can corroborate this. Many of them have experienced symptoms that told them they were sick in some way -- usually with a very serious illness -- and are ready to share those experiences.
It all started when Redditor thelearner18 asked:
"People who have had a serious disease (cancer, MS, organ failure, etc) when did you realize something was really wrong?"
A Lesson Learned
"Hust found out i have rectal cancer. 42 yrs old. multiple stools per day, not fully emptying, thin poop. so got a colonoscopy. bam! cancer. starting chemo next week. lesson learned for everyone....if your stools or stool schedule changes, go see a doctor"
– shawngee03
A Lucky Break
"I had been having a lot of pain in my midsection, and all around my torso for several weeks. I went to the doctor and it was dismissed as gynecological cramping (menopausal?). It remained. After several weeks (6-8) I couldn’t take it anymore. I went to emergency in the middle of the night. I got a CT scan that showed a large kidney stone. They also found a mass on my ovary. The kidney stone lead them to finding a rare ovarian cancer. If not for that stone, I wouldn’t have known about the cancer and might not have caught it in time. I have been in remission since September 2021."
– peachsqueeze66
Cause For Concern
"My kid, who was 14 at the time, kept throwing up in the morning and having weird headaches. Her doctor thought it was migraines. She went back a couple of times, but the doctor was not concerned. Then one day she complained of a whooshing noise in her ear. Went to the children’s hospital and found out it was a brain tumor near her cerabellum. She was in ICU for a month, but turned out it was non cancerous and it never grew back. She is doing great now."
– Evilelfqueen
"I heard a whooshing noise in my ear a few years ago I only really heard it at night when it was quiet it would sometimes switch ears now I basically never hear it. I'm pretty sure it was just pulsatile tinnitus but still scary."
– fallen-summer
It Was The Salt
"I have Cystic Fibrosis (terminal lung disease) and it was found out when I didn't sh*t for 3 days after I was born and then my mother gave me a kiss and said I tasted REALLY salty."
"Now I'm on a gene modification drug called Trikafta and this is some serious witch craft a** sh*t because I no longer feel sick to death and I basically feel like a normal person. It's f*cking wild!
"Went from 19% lung function to 87% in 3 months. I no longer cough my a** off or feel like I'm suffocating from mucus. Go science!"
– Sudden_Blueberry_477
A Funky Optic Nerve
"I was diagnosed with MS when I was 22 after having blurred vision in one eye after a ski trip. I went to the optometrist and they said I had a dry eye probably from not wearing goggles while snow boarding. So they gave me steroid drops. After a week it kept getting worse, so I went back and they told me my eye looked much better so they did a field of view test, which showed I couldn’t see anything out of the lower half of one eye. They sent me straight to the emergency room since nothing was wrong physically wrong with my eye. They did some tests and I was diagnosed with MS and ended up going completely blind in one eye. My vision eventually came back and I got on medication within a month so haven’t really had any symptoms or issues since thankfully. I’m only 29 now though."
– johnjohn9312
Caught It In Time
"This isn't me, but this happened to my best friend VERY recently. Like in the last couple of months."
"Was perfectly fine and healthy one day. Then the next he started feeling a little bit of pain in his kidney. He'd had kidney stones before, so he figured it was that again. Then he started peeing blood. He thought it was still part of the kidney stone thing so let it go for a couple days, but he was still peeing blood and the pain was getting worse."
"That's when he decided to go to the doctor. They did an X-ray and found a mass in his kidney and told him that based on where it was located they can't remove the mass, and they can't do a partial kidney removal, and it's about a 90% chance it's cancerous, but they wouldn't be able to do a biopsy without removing the kidney first. They did the whole insurance dance, but it went fast and within two weeks he was in surgery having his kidney removed."
"He's still recovering at home right now, but they got the biopsy results last week. It was indeed cancerous, but they caught it before it spread."
– SweetCosmicPope
Happily Ever After
"I couldn’t walk anymore with my crutch I had been using to get by. Had Been on Percocet for 8 months because of the extreme pain. Nobody was finding answers to my pain but I knew something was wrong, badly. After finally having an ultra sound on my hips at the age of 26 I found out I had to undergo a double hip replacement to walk again due to a serious rare disease. I was stage 4 Avascular Nercrosis. Took a year to recover from both. But Happier ending, I’m doing good now. However it was very very upsetting news to get over a phone call at 26."
– heartpathetic
It Really Sneaks Around
"My wife started getting numbness in her right arm. The breast cancer had spread to her right shoulder and the tumor was crushing the nerves. She has stage four breast cancer in her bones."
– zenos_dog
A Turn For The Worse
"For me, it started May 14, 2014. I went to work and was having a good morning. Then, at about 9:00 in the morning or so, I started to feel some lower abdominal pain. Not to be crude, but it felt like that cramp you get when you really need to go to the bathroom. I did so, but the pain didn't go away. It got worse. I started to feel chills, was sweating, and felt nauseated. My employer has a clinic on site, so I went there. After some poking and prodding, the nurse asked me if I wanted to go home or if I wanted to go to the emergency room. I decided to go home, and if the pain didn't subside, then I'd go to the emergency room. As I was saying that, though, I noticed that my pain had gotten a LOT worse. They always make you rate your pain on a scale of 0 to 10, with 0 being no pain at all and 10 being the worst pain you've ever felt. When I went into the clinic, I was mostly uncomfortable, maybe a high 2 going into a 3. On that very subjective scale, I was now a 6 or a 7."
"I changed my mind and decided to go straight to the nearest emergency room. My boss drove me, and by the time we got there about 15 minutes later, I was now a 10. This was the worst pain I'd ever felt. My previous definition of the worst pain I'd ever felt was when I broke 7 bones in my wrist, it was misdiagnosed as a sprain, and I had to have them rebroken 2 weeks later. The pain in my abdomen was now worse than that. The emergency room admitted me and put me in a wheelchair. They wheeled me to a room, I curled up on the bed they put me in, and passed out."
"At some point, a nurse came in and gave me some morphine. Great stuff. No pain at all anymore. A doctor came in and told me they suspected a kidney stone. He wanted me to get a CT scan to confirm it, and I agreed. An orderly wheeled me off to imaging. I got scanned without contrast and was wheeled back to the room. My wife had arrived while I was getting scanned. Shortly later, the doctor who told me he thought it was a kidney stone came into the room. With another doctor. And two nurses. They all crowd around me with solemn looks on their faces."
"The first doctor told me it was a kidney stone. A 2 to 3 mm kidney stone had been lodged in the ureter of my left kidney. That's the tube that goes from the kidney to the bladder. It passed into my bladder when they gave me the morphine, but they could see evidence of it on the CT scan. Then the other doctor said they were more concerned about the 6 cm mass they found on my right kidney. They had my attention."
"They did another CT scan, with contrast this time, and it was impossible to see anything but a tumor in the pictures they showed me. They made an appointment for me with a urologist for the next day, as well as an appointment in a few days time to get it biopsied. It was an after-hours appointment for the urologist, but he was nice enough to stay late to see me. He looked at the CT Scans and cancelled my appointment to get it biopsied. He said there was nothing else it could be but cancer, and the kidney would have to go."
"Two months later, I had the kidney and the tumor removed laparoscopically. I was incredibly lucky. They caught it in stage 1. The doctor said there were signs it was going to start moving soon. I have no idea how doctors can look at a softball sized lump of cancer and tell anything other than 'gross', but that's why they're the doctors and I'm not."
"My recovery was smooth, and I've been cancer-free for 9 years. I was incredibly blessed. I didn't have to deal with chemo, or radiation. While those can save your life, they are also horrible experiences with nasty side effects. I didn't have to deal with any of them. I was bracing myself to have to. They said it was a possibility. But I didn't. I have every respect for those not as fortunate as me, and wish them all the best in recovery."
– mnementh9999
Reason #5,622 To Start Exercising
"I started jogging again to try and get back into running shape. I kept noticing that just after a mile or so, I'd stop and get REALLY lightheaded. Kept thinking, "oh, I'm really out of shape" and kept going. Went in a few weeks later for my annual physical and doctor said "you ever been told you have a heart murmur?", no. Two months later I spent Christmas of 2017 in the ICU after having a section of my aorta cut out and a new valve put in. Surgeon said it was bad. Said it wouldn't have made it too much longer."
"Edit: for clarification, it was an aortic dissection."
– Itsawlinthereflexes
Slow And Steady
"My dad's friend went on a hike with a doctor who knew him and he was winded not far from the car. The doctor clocked it right away and told him to get his heart checked. He had 98% blockage in his heart arteries."
"He tells my dad so my dad gets the test to see how his arteries are doing and they found a massive aneurism on his aorta. He is getting it removed tomorrow. He had no symptoms but the doctors said if he had overdone it he would be dead before anyone would even know what was going on. Crazy how a random friend's hike may have saved his life."
– Pencilowner
It Takes A Village
"I never did, my teacher and parents did."
"I was seven, usually an active kid and my first grade teacher noticed that rather than running around at recess I sat down and took a nap. It happened a couple more times and after I fell asleep in class (totally out of character), she gave my parents a call, we had been visiting the doc fairly regularly cause I was also complaining of joint pain and frequent ear infections combined with the new symptoms and a new doc at the practice I was finally diagnosed with leukemia."
– greenmachine11235
Thank goodness for that teacher (and of course, the parents)!
When in the beginning stages of dating, it's important to know as much as humanly possible.
The element of surprise is no longer a fun aspect of romance.
Ask the small questions. Ask the hard questions.
Interrogate. Grill. Investigate.
Of course, you should do it with a subtle hand instead of an interrogation lamp.
The truth is all we have.
Ask everything.
Redditor RedditPenguin02 wanted to make a list of the best inquiries to make when starting a relationship, so they asked:
"What is a good question to ask before you start dating someone?"
From what I've learned in my past, always ask... "Are you into Buffy the Vampire Slayer? The TV show."
If it's a no, then it's a dealbreaker.
I Do
"Are you married?"
wrenchmonkey135
"I would ask that. If they said no, the next question was 'Would your wife agree?'"
"If they laughed, they were telling the truth. If they got indignant and pissed off that I thought they were lying…they were married."
"Worked every time."
Squibit314
We Lived!
"Do you clap when the plane lands?"
dont_u_know
"I swear people used to do this all the time when I was a kid (early 2000’s), and I don’t think I’ve heard anyone do it in 5+ years. I guess 9/11 really made people afraid of flying for about 10 years and then most folks decided they didn’t need to applaud when the plane landed safely?"
jmims98
Family Planning
"Do you want kids in the future? If one person wants kids and the other wants to stay child-free, then they are not compatible. And it is better to try dating someone else."
GoodAlicia
"It confuses me whenever some couples who disagree on this end up in a conundrum because one expected the other to change their mind. This is something I bring up early cause I see no future with someone who wants kids when I do not."
GoodAlicia
"You should always put childfree on your dating profile. It's not a small thing. Either you agree on it or not. If I had to date, I would put childfree on my profile too."
GoodAlicia
Carb it on...
"Do you like bread? That is the extent of my flirting skills."
HumpieDouglas
"Being German, bread is like a frickin' cultural phenomenon here, we have around 300 kinds of bread, there's a bread museum, every time I go on vacation I'm like yeah it's nice here but the bread ain't it yall, never as good as home lol. So yeah, valid question and the only answer to this is an enthusiastic yes."
Nayeliq1
Room Temperature
"What temperature do you set the thermostat to throughout the year?"
OneFingerIn
"Haha this one always gets me as someone who needs low temps - you can always put on more clothes, I can't peel my skin off to get cooler."
djdante
The thermostat is a dealbreaker for me.
It's gonna be 60. Love it or move on.
Discovery
"When was the last time you changed your mind about something?
"Opens a window to how they think."
youcantkillanidea
"If that was really early on in the dating I’d think it was a bit of a head-f**k question. I’d probably find that question a red flag, tone dependent, although I agree with the sentiment."
LivestockMarc
Personal Time
"Aside from major differences about finances, kids, politics, or religion, a big one is; What are your hobbies? If they don’t really have any, you may be the next hobby, which isn’t going to work unless you’ve got that kind of time. If the hobbies are time-consuming ones generally done with a SO."
"But you have no interest in them, that could be an issue as well. If only one of you likes camping, wanted to spend vacation lounging instead of exploring, didn’t like sports, etc either that partner is annoyed or the other feels like they don’t get to enjoy what they love."
Githard
Past Issues
"Ask them about their exes. If they think every single one of them is an a**hole... they are likely the real a**hole."
CantTakeMeSeriously
"I have mixed feelings about that - I've been in three previous relationships and all three were emotionally abusive towards me (one wasn't nearly as bad as the other two, though) in various ways. I know this is a common sentiment and it always makes me afraid that people won't believe me or something.
"I mean, I realize in your comment you said 'likely' and not '100% sure' and there's plenty of room for nuance."
phiore
Values
"I would try to take care of any dealbreakers. If I find out that she has different political values than I do, it's not going to work out in the long run, so I wouldn't bother. Same thing with other factors (religion, financial values, etc.). I would also ask how much cuddling she likes to engage in, as I prefer a lot."
SkullKrusher9000
Essentials
"When I was dating my three essential questions were always kids, sex, and money. If you're not on the same wavelength for any of those three things, just don't even try."
KhaosElement
TRUTH PLEASE!!
"So, how much personal debt do you have?"
"Source: the guy who dated a woman with huge debts and was asked to pay for everything and then some".
"After that, I'd go with, 'Have you ever been diagnosed with borderline, narcissistic, or histrionic personality disorders?"
extracensorypower
The questions are basic.
Just ask for the truth.
Do you have any good Qs to add to the queue? Let us know in the comments below.
As much as we always hop for our dating efforts to be worth it and for every relationship to work out, we all know that some relationships are not destined to work out.
But sometimes relationships end for totally valid reasons, and sometimes the reasons are painful, if not devastating.
Redditor overIorded asked:
"What went wrong with your last partner?"
History Repeating Itself
"He cheated on me. And I was glad because that was finally reason enough to allow myself to leave."
"Now I know somebody who's in the same situation. They're trapped. And she's such a gentle and fun person who's afraid to leave him because 'well, it's always been like this, I'm used to it,' and 'I deserve it.'"
"She wants to leave him, she knows she should leave him, but it's so hard to do it, and I know that feeling."
"I'm thinking I should give her my phone number like when the day comes you've had enough, I'll gladly come to help you move out from that s**thole."
- NmlsFool
Mental Health Struggles
"I'm lost in my own trauma and mental illness and he deserves better than anything I have to offer right now."
- Last-Celery7146
"I’ve been on the receiving end of this, and mildly said, it absolutely ruined me. Her trauma and mental problems were BAD, but I still wanted to be with them. So if you ask me, as long as they can give you the space and support you need, and want to be with you, let them make the decision."
- emilersen
"It's also fair and mature to care very much about someone but realize that you only have the emotional bandwidth to take care of yourself right now."
"I'm sure it was very hard for both of you to come to terms with that decision. I don't think it's that he deserves better, I think it's that your attention needs to be on guiding yourself through this thicket of trauma and mental illness before you can be someone else's partner. You can love each other very much but also acknowledge that you don't have the tools to spare for a relationship right now."
"I'm proud of you for focusing on your own mental health and someday, when you have more emotional stability and energy, I hope you find a wonderful partner."
- SpoonAtKnifeFight
Relationship Styles
"We disagreed on how many women he was allowed to date. I’m very strong on monogamy and have no interest in someone (in a supposedly committed relationship) that isn’t."
- Altrano
At Least There's That
"Her psychotic brother tried to kill me. Thankfully he has a Stormtrooper's aim..."
- Active-Plate7939
"Hate the attempted murder, love the 'Star Wars' reference."
- letmetellyousom
Childfree Living
"He wanted a big family, like, six kids, all-natural. Obviously, he wouldn't be birthing them. This was very important to him while I was pretty ambivalent about kids, and the further into my adulthood I've gotten, the more I've realized I just don't want to be pregnant."
"I broke it off so we could both get the lives we wanted. He was also quite a bit more conservative than me, and at the time closeted pansexual person, and some stuff he believed just didn't line up with what I believed. It hurt, but it was amicable."
"Now he has a wife and kids like he wanted, and I am happily partnered and childfree. It worked out for the best."
- Free-Government5162
Family Ties
"She hated that I had a healthy relationship with my family and was trying to find ways to sabotage it."
- Cobra-Serpentress
"Similar aspect to mine, she hated my sister and mother because she had a bad relationship with her sister and mother. She would get mad at me whenever I brought my family up."
- letmetellyousom
Quality Time
"My last boyfriend dumped me because I got mad that he was coming to Dallas after I hadn't seen him for two months, but didn't want to see me."
"He was going to meet up with some friends of his he hadn't seen in a few months. I told him that was fine with me, but I felt he should make time to see me too since we hadn't seen each other in two months and we were supposed to be a couple."
"He responded to my anger by ghosting me. That was two years ago."
- dallasmysterylover
Distracted with a Punch
"A girl contacted me about him talking to her. I asked him what was going on, and he sucker-punched me in the face."
- Brilliant-Victory128
Projecting Insecurities
"He cheated on me for all six years we were together and then accused me of cheating on him, even though I wasn't allowed to leave the house."
"I'm also pretty sure he slept with my sister-in-law when my brother and I went to pick up dinner."
- Affectionate_Egg1252
Children Come First
"He was and still is no father to his kids, has anger issues, and probably has other mental health issues. I tried for years to help him and help the relationship, but he wasn't having it. After seeing how my oldest suffered under him, I had to leave."
- rintan13
Poor Communication
"I communicated how I felt about many things in the relationship. He never communicated about anything."
- aj_oof0323
"Oh look, it's the last 14 years of my life..."
- empathetic111
"I'm guilty of this, and boy, do I regret not being able to open up about my feelings. It cost me my marriage. But now I'm trying to be more open and share my thoughts and feelings. Just wished I could've done this earlier than later."
Deserving Better
"I started drinking again and became a miserable a**hole due to my own depression and my s**tty job. As such, she didn't get the attention she deserved, and had to put up with my s**tty mood all the time... so she left. I don't blame her."
"So, it was me. I don't know if I trust myself with a relationship again, but aside from the shame of knowing I hurt someone who I loved, and loved me back, but I was too self-absorbed and selfish, I am trying to be a better human to everyone."
"And to my ex: You'll find someone again... someone better."
- cracksintheegg
Big Moves
"He wanted to move to Alaska to be with some girl he was 'friends' with before me."
- dont_be_trash
Alzheimer's Disease
"My ex's early-onset Alzheimers (at the age of 50) and the resulting violence, paranoia, and irrational thinking. I tried to honor my vows, but he was so far out there, I feared for my life."
- No_Transportation258
Different Definitions of Marriage
"She cheated on me after five years total together, the last one of which was while we were engaged. She cheated on me for months, all while I was planning the wedding, working part-time, and going to graduate school so I can support us comfortably in the future."
"I planned on giving her everything I could and sharing the rest of my life with her, and apparently she didn’t care."
- Mountaingoat1001
This conversation just goes to show that relationships can end for all kinds of reasons. Even in relationships where there is still a lot of love and committment, the relationship can still end, just like how the relationship can end suddenly because of a surprising and devastating realization.