Not a single thriving relationship has ever suddenly gone through a break up.
When things are ended, the deed comes after a slow creep, the confusing period of self-rationalizations, growing contempt, and willful denial.
After the creep swells for long enough, though, we begin to listen. Feeling unfairly irritable is not an example that you're a jerk, but that you need to listen. Avoidance does not automatically denote pure selfishness, rather forgivable distance or dissatisfaction.
The manifestation of the widening gap takes many forms, all of which Redditors have come across. One question beckoned a list of the great variety of signs that may arise.
FagnusTwatfield asked, "What are some signs that a relationship has run its course?"
The Heart-Sink Alarm
"If you find that you can only relax and be yourself when they aren't around, crushing you with the weight of their silent judgement and disapproval, it's way past the expiration date." -- downhereforyoursoul
"When you turn the corner driving home, and feel disappointment when you see her car in the driveway - because you know the minute you step in the door she's going to start crapping on you again." -- lucky_ducker
Opposite Sides of the Same Coin
"You've bottled your real feelings up so much that now everything they do or say fills you with contempt." -- breakfastinthemornin
From personal experience, the biggest indicator is when tensions should be high, you should be upset or arguing, but you just don't care anymore." -- ThunderPantsDance
Things that Thrive are not so Bitter
"When you start fighting about a lot of meaningless things. In many cases, I'd say it's a manifestation of the hesitation to deal with the quite harsh truth that you no longer feel that you want to be with the person."
Cold, Telling Indifference
"The sight of them does nothing for you. Getting a text or phone call from them elicits an eye-roll. You try to avoid them. You cannot hold a conversation with them because everything they say is irritating. You really could not care less about their day or anything they have to say to you. You find yourself fantasizing of a life without them... and it makes you smile."
Visceral Cues are Sometimes More Attuned
"While I couldn't pinpoint any one thing that was wrong, I started to get the sense he was annoyed with me, I said something wrong, he didn't want me around, etc. Trust your gut. Even if he's not experiencing anything wrong, you're clearly sensing something, so talk it out. Maybe he is cheating on you. Maybe you have unfounded trust issues."
"When you notice that your partner doesn't miss you (or vice versa) after being separated for a while. If you've been apart for a couple weeks or longer and your partner still feels no particular urgency to see you or talk to you, then the relationship is dead."
Forced or Compelled?
"When spending time is something you have to give effort to actively think about and plan out as opposed to something you look forward to and excitedly long for. I know that's what it was for me: she became a block in my schedule instead of the reason my schedule existed."
When "Alone Time" is the Rule
"When you're not enjoying your time around them any more. There's a difference between wanting a night away or a strong life outside of your relationship and full-on disliking their company." -- Responsible-Coyote
Read Your Words
"When you ask Reddit what signs show a relationship has run its course." -- Toxxxixx
"When you go to AskReddit to see if sexting is considered cheating." -- onidels
Where Do You Go When the Chips are Down?
"You have something big happen and they are not the first person you call."
"I had a car accident at like 5am and didn't even bother calling my now ex, he was useless and I called the people that mattered."
Growing up, I had zero idea that the food I ate daily was "cultural."
It didn't occur to me until I was a kid when my mother had to gently explain to me that not everyone ate rice & beans.
She had to explain it because we were about to eat at a white friend's house for the first time.
I've always been weird about food tastes and textures and mom needed to warn me that the beans I could expect would be nothing like what I knew.
They would be sweet, have big chunks of chewy pork (which would also be sweet), and would NOT be served with rice.
"What do you mean there's no rice with the beans? Did they run out? Should we bring some?"
"No, they just don't eat rice and beans."
"So what do they eat with their chicharron de pollo?"
"They don't eat that. They do fried chicken a little different and they tend to eat things like rotisserie chicken instead."
Y'all should have seen my face.
It's been thirty years and I still struggle with the idea of not eating rice and beans all the time. I've come to understand that not everyone grew up in a Caribbean cultural household, though, and most Americans ate from a whole other menu.
Reddit user remyleboi00 asked:
"Non-Americans, what is the best 'American' food?"
Even as someone born in America, it took a while before I got familiar with American food.
So if it's just not your comfort zone - let Reddit guide you to the can't miss dishes.
"Cajun food. Definitely the most unique American food"
"As an American I 100% agree with you. Cajun food is heaven sent"
"That's because of it's native American roots, fun fact Cajun peppers are named after the south American tribe that influenced the Spanish/French who brought it to Louisiana. Maque Choux is also a very native American dish that can be found in Mexico as Calabasitas."
They Are Fundesperate housewives eating GIFGiphy
"Curly fries 👌"
"Recently came across Carl’s jr for the first time in Istanbul airport and the curly fries were just the best"
"the fun thing about curly fries is that they are basically the same everywhere. I'm pretty sure it's one company supplying all the different fast food places"
"I hate to sound like an ignorant foreigner but a made from scratch Mac & Cheese with at least 3 different cheeses plus a crispy breadcrumb crust on top is one of my favorite American dishes"
"Mac & Cheese is such a favorite of family get-togethers that if you volunteer to cook it, your Mac & Cheese needs references."
"It’s especially good with some pulled pork and caramelized onions mixed in. And some insulin."
"Solid choice. We Americans LOVE cheese."
"No need to apologize. One of our favorites too."
Thankful For Thanksgiving.I Love You Cooking GIF by Bob's BurgersGiphy
"I'm from Mexico and we get spoiled with our traditional cuisine but I found the thanksgiving dinner experience in the US incredible."
"Love everything, the turkey (dark meat :) ), cranberry sauce, the stuffing (oh the stuffing), mashed potatoes, salads and the delicious pays that follow for dessert. That whole combination plus the red wine and good company is an incredible experience hard to match."
"We also get spoiled with your traditional cuisine."
"I usually get a food coma on Thanksgiving"
"As an American who loves the Thanksgiving and other holiday classics this warms my heart to hear from someone whose cultural cuisine is considered a full on cultural heritage of humanity by UNESCO."
"A nicely done, quality turkey with proper attention paid to all the sides, and good friends and/family is such a great experience."
"Same with the ham or prime rib dinner at Christmas. And all the pies. God I love pumpkin pie."
"Anything smoked: brisket, pork shoulder, chicken, turkey. I've even had smoked burgers. If seasoned well you don't even need BBQ sauce and it is so tender and juicy."
"I smoke meatloaf, can't go back to oven baked ever again."
"This tread has me wanting to smoke a brisket sooner rather than later."
"I love smoked brisket. I agree with you about the sauce. Taste the brisket before dunking in another flavor."
"Native Texan here. Agreed. The general rule here is that you never sauce beef. Let the flavor of the meat stand for itself. Hell, there are some places in Texas (particularly in Lockhart) that will ask you to leave their establishment if you ask for BBQ sauce."
"Now, pork and chicken, whatever else... Go nuts... Just leave beef alone."
"I had smoked mac and cheese once, it was heavenly."
Risk It Allhungry bart simpson GIFGiphy
"This is probably a recipe for disaster but I'm British and growing up visiting Florida I would love eating raw cookie dough from the refrigerator section"
"Cookie dough is so good that, given the option between not eating it, or getting food poisoning, nearly everyone will pick the cookie dough."
"It’s one of the few foods in the country where everyone knows the risk of food poisoning, and everyone makes the conscious, willing, and eager decision to not give a f*ck."
"All of us here in the U.S. know that eating the cookie dough is the best part of making homemade chocolate chip cookies. I have a recipe for brownies with a cookie dough topping. Cookie dough ice cream is also extremely common (it’s vanilla ice cream with cookie dough bits mixed in)."
The Holy Pudding
"I can’t find someone who’s listed it so"
"That shit is LIFE CHANGING"
"Gotta have the Nilla wafers or it isn't right."
"Ah, finally! A person of culture. Banana pudding is the closest food can come to a religious experience."
Cornbread!cornbread cooking GIF by emibobGiphy
"Oddly enough, no one seems to have mentioned it…but cornbread . Yeah , as a guy who moved here , Americans have got cornbread down to a T . Combined with some soul food ? Makes me smile on the inside . Gives me high blood pressure , but smile on the inside too"
"A nice warm cornbread muffin with some butter and a little drizzle of honey is amazing."
"Cornbread with a nice bowl of chili is such a nice comfort food."
"And the spicier the chili the nicer the sweet, buttery cornbread is with it."
"Peanut butter and jelly sandwich, at first i thought it was a disgusting combo, but when i tried i loved it"
"Interesting, most people in America are introduced to pb&j before we're even old enough to remember"
"Farmer’s market jam is the way."
"That was my most frequent meal in elementary school. I didn't realize it was an American thing until recently."
"It's easily top 3 greatest sandwich ever."
As American As It Getspulp fiction breakfast GIF by MIRAMAXGiphy
"I may be a simpleton, but an average diner with bottomless filter coffee, pancakes, bacon and syrup was my favourite part of the day. Although I did put on about 10-15kg after a month in Texas"
"I missed this sooooo much when I lived in the UK (grew up in New Jersey, land of diners). They simply do not do American diner breakfasts in Europe."
"My wife is German, I am American but we live in Germany. We took her parents to the states with us one summer on vacation and one of the things they insisted we do was go to a diner where they pour your coffee at the table, like in movies and tv shows."
"Took them to my favorite little spot, they loved the waitress filling up their cups unprompted."
Now that youve heard Reddit, it's my turn.
So remember how I said that I wasn't really exposed to American food until I was a bit older, even though I was born and raised in America?
I was 22 before I had meatloaf and mashed potatoes.
FAM. Fam. Faaaaaaaaaaam.
There is no greater meal for after a night of drinking than a good meatloaf and a nice herb and garlic mashed potato.
Keep your greasy pizza, amateurs. It's potato time over here.
Have you ever been caught in a conversation you didn't want to be in? Or start talking to someone only to realize you want to stop? Perhaps you were talking to a friend when the conversation took a turn for the uncomfortable.
Whatever the case, we've all been in those situations where we want the conversation to stop, but don't want to be rude.
When I was in third grade, I asked if I voted on American Idol that week. I said yes, since everyone seemed to, but of course I didn't know what American Idol was. Being pop culture challenged, I thought it was a ship. Needless to say everyone was confused when I was asked who I voted for and I replied, "What do you mean? I voted for American Idol!"
It didn't take me long to realize something was amiss, and I probably would've very rudely excused myself from the conversation (fueled by my embarrassment) if my teacher hadn't called us to attention at that very moment.
Luckily, the people of Reddit were willing to share their methods to politely end a conversation when Redditor Spritti33asked:
"How does someone politely end a conversation with a person who won't stop talking?"
Extricate Yourself Immediately
"When they draw a breath, politely say:"
""On that note, I must be on my way.""
Then, simply leave."
Couldn't Get Him To Shut Up
"Yea I worked with a dude who needed to talk. I just talked to him to be polite and not awkward. And I remember him saying "at least you're not one of those people who are silent all day". In my head I'm like, "FUCK, I wish I could be silent all day but now that you said that it would be even more awkward."
"At some point, I just mentally said f**k it and started giving him one-word replies. I think he got the hint because he started talking to me less. Eventually, he quit after a couple of months so it's all good!"
"But some people just need to talk for whatever reason. I need my freaking silence."
Put It In Writing
"I once worked with a man that managed to say nothing, despite talking nonstop. He would explain an issue to me over the span of 5 min. I would say "OK, so the issue you're having is x?" and he would say "No" then launch into a 5 min monologue about something completely different. One time, after half an hour talking with him I still had no idea what the problem was, so I said "put all the issues in an email so I can put it in the queue" and just left. Never got a coherent email either but at least a rambling incoherent email is easier to walk away from and less time-consuming."
Put Them (Back) To Work
"If you're in an office building with someone (or any location the person you're talking to has a desk), one trick you can try is walking them back to their desk, say something like "well, I'll let you get back to it!", then turn around and leave."
Taking Care Of Each Other
"My workplace has someone like this and it’s pretty much become a part of our culture to monitor who is trapped talking to her, for how long they’ve been stuck, and to rescue them after an appropriate amount of time has passed. She doesn’t get it, and probably never will."
Talk To The Door
"My husband worked with a woman who would not stop talking. Just wouldn't. So you'd gather your stuff, while she monologued. You'd say goodbye to everyone else, while she monologued. You'd walk to the door as she followed you and shut the door in her face while she monologued. You could hear her still talking to you behind the closed door while you walked away."
Take Your Turn
"I learned a trick. Most excessive talkers hate listening. So I simply participate and tell my own stories. After one or two stories they are usually ready to leave themselves to seek their next victim."
Create A Deadline
"My entire dad's side of the family are the type that never stop talking."
"The key to getting a word in is to just respond to whatever you wanted to add to even if they are still talking. It might feel rude but most people who are like that were raised in environments where that's the norm or in the case of people with disorders like ADHD and Autism, they most likely know they have the tendency and will roll with it."
"Best way I've found to get end a conversation with ramblers is to set a deadline as early as possible in the conversation (ex: I have to leave at 6pm to get to ______ on time). If you do this you can do the "I'm sorry I really have to go" and immediately leave without offending them because you've already set the expectation that you would be leaving at a certain time."
"This is why I hate taking Lyft/Uber alone, I seem to always get the folks who just want to talk the entire time. My boyfriend tells me to just not engage but when you’re in a car with someone it’s kinda hard not to. The ONE time I just wore headphones the whole time, the driver at the end said “maybe you’ll actually talk next time”"
No Need To Feel Bad
"People who are like this expect folks to just walk away from them while they are talking because that’s the only way the conversation ends. It’s not rude to them, it’s normal. So, it’s entirely okay to say, “all right this has been great, see you later,” and then just walk away smiling."
Sometimes it's hard to get out of a conversation you never wanted to be in, and sometimes it's equally as hard to keep your temper in check.
However, if you remember some of these tips and tricks, you may be able to successfully get yourself out of an unpleasant or unceremoniously long conversation in the future!
Death is a certainty in life, but what happens after death may be one of those mysteries we never solve. I've always believed that when we're dead, we're dead. However, there are plenty of other theories.
Is there an afterlife? Do we face a supernatural judge who decides whether we go to heaven or hell? Do we get reincarnated as soon as we die? Or is death truly final?
These questions prompted Redditor Maleficent_Team430 to ask:
"What do you think happens to you after you die?"
"I imagine its like when you fall asleep unexpectedly or go under for a surgery and you wake up out of a haze, minus the waking up part."
"I had surgery last year and, before I went under, the anaesthetist said "Enjoy the nothingness". And that was it. No light, no colours, no sound, just complete darkness until I woke up with a breathing tube getting pulled out my throat. I imagine that's what death will be like. And I'm OK with that."
Time To Sell
"My family sells all my stuff way under value."
"I f*cking hope that if i die my wife doesnt sell my Legos at the price i told her i bought them"
"My wife sells my record collection for way less then what it’s worth"
The World Keeps Turning
"I am no different than people who die today, the sun shall rise again and word will keep on rolling tomorrow just fine without me."
"Well in a few billions years the sun shall not rise again. But we will be pretty much dead by then — I hope so."
"It was always that everything goes black and you just don't exist anymore. My SO believes that you die and you get to live in your own little paradise and I've always loved the idea of that. I just wish I could believe it. It's also been super sweet to hear from him that I'm gonna be in his little paradise."
"I've posted this before but the idea of my own little paradise disturbs and terrifies me. Because my little paradise wouldn't be the same as other people's. If I say desire to meet my parents again after I die, the age I'd want them to be is likely different to the age they'd want to be in their paradise. Which means none of our paradises can overlap, and the idea of heaven is really just a simulation in which you are horribly alone."
The Next Universe
"You just transfer to the next universe where you didn't die."
"This is what I think about all the time. I always wonder if I have died in a previous universe and just transferred over to the one in which I am still living, but all my family in the previous one think I’m dead."
"I like this theory"
"You return to that state of non-existence before you were conceived."
"It's like falling asleep and not waking up. I find that comforting. The final I don't give a f*ck."
"Probably nothing, I think it’s probably like when we’re asleep and not dreaming. I was fine before I was born, I’ll be fine again"
We Will Live Again
"I hope something like reincarnation but it’s probably just nothing. Like we just end and we’re not aware that it’s nothing but it is."
"Careful what you wish for. Everyone thinks they'll end up as something cool like a lion but nobody thinks about how insects and bacteria make up some of the largest populations of life on earth. Maybe you'll be gut bacteria for some rat. Or a slug that a kid wants to pour salt on."
Whatever You Believe In
"I wish people would go to wherever they wanted to, like - whatever their religion teaches, they’ll go there. And if their non-religious, then they can choose whatever they want to a believe in. I don’t know what’ll happen to me but I hope to see my friends again"
"I think the same personally. I hope to to still be with my wife either way."
"Honestly this being the case would make up for all the unfairness in life."
"This is my dream as well. I hope so. I want longer with my friends than I’ll get."
I Know What Happens
"19 years in the business tells me you either go in the ground, in a crematory, a mausoleum, or you’re never found again."
"Have you considered trying a different business model?"
We'll Know Eventually
"What’s the rush? We’ll find out soon enough"
We may never truly know what happens to us when we die, but maybe it's better that way! I'd rather not think about it, especially if I'm right!
When people who made positive impressions and inspired others to do better in their long and well-lived lives pass away, the loss can be profound.
But a person who was taken from us at an early age can be even more devastating.
What other things would they have accomplished? What additional contributions could they have made to improve society?
These are the questions one may have following the death of someone they admired and necessarily didn't know personally.
People shared examples when Redditor therealCapCon asked:
"What famous person died too soon?"
These ingenious minds contributed so much to society. What else could they have given us? We'll never know.
He Gave Us The Muppets
"Jim Henson. Man had such a good spirit - he was creative and optimistic and humorous. I'm so sad we lost him so early."
He Gave Us Satire
"Douglas Adams. Died at only 48. Must have been only 10 or 15 years away from stopping procrastinating and finishing another book."
He Fathered Theoretical Computer Science
"A truly just good human. And what the British government did to him is disgusting and inhumane."
He Gave Us Robotics
"I also Cried. And then again when Adam Savage took a tour of Grants workshop that has been kept in stasis since his death."
"Mythbusters is the reason why I'm studying engineering in college. Rip Grant 😞"
These young comedians left quite a legacy in their age.
We will continue to remember them for lifting us up whenever we were down.
He Cracked Us Up
"This was my answer too. Two of his films were always favorites at my house and I wonder how many we missed out on."
He Left Us In Stitches
"I loved him as Troy McClure on the Simpson’s 'I’m Troy McClure and I’ll leave you here for what we all waited to see HARDCORE NUDITY.'”
He Gave Genius Sketch Comedy
"Trevor Moore, comic genius dead at 41 from a random freak accident, def way too soon and would have kept having great material as society really spiralled out of control."
He Gave Us Joy
"John Ritter. Unexpectedly died in his early 50s."
These gifted actors are greatly missed for their inspiring and brilliant work on film.
He Gave Us Drama
"Hans Gruber is and will be my favorite ever movie villain, and snape is and will be my second favorite, Rickman was just on another level."
He Was Just Getting Started
"He was my age and was one of my favorite actors since I saw him in Charlie Bartlett. One of the saddest celebrity deaths for me."
He Gave A Good Fight
"Bruce Lee. He was only 32 and just finished filming Enter the Dragon. His future was so bright."
He Gave Brilliant Performance
"100%. This guy was amazing talent. 23 years old and people who weren’t even alive are still finding out about him every day."
The list was extensive in the thread.
Some of the early losses that gutted me included Prince–who was a musical genius; and the incomparable Robin Williams–whose extraordinary gifts still touch people today.
May all these young souls rest in peace.