Relationships are hard. Finding the courage to completely open up to someone else is difficult.
So, some people merely do not find that. They instead choose to continue hiding a part of themselves. It's an easy decision to make and yet a hard decision to live with. Sometimes it's a secret for the better; sometimes it's one of their own personal betterment that will end up hurting the other person; sometimes it's one that will hurt everybody in the end.
Love means choosing whether or not to tell your secrets.
Reddit User keepcalmandbecalm asked:
What's the biggest secret that you've kept from your gf / bf ?
Here were some of those answers.
Paying In Kind
"He's super well off and I have some pretty hefty debts that I'm working through. We've been dating for a year, and I think it could be a pretty serious thing but my debt is always on my mind as being the thing that will break us up."
"It bugs me that our dog prefers her. If it's the two of us in the lounge, she'll always go lay her head on my girlfriends lap. I bet she keeps snacks in her trousers. That's got to be it."
"My sister's two dogs have definite gender preferences. One always greets and dotes on men for affection, and the other always does so for women. It might not be you per se."
"That I've been wanting to end things for a couple of months now. We haven't had sex in months and he keeps bailing on plans or putting 0 effort so we sit in my apartment 90% if the time. He also doesn't get why it makes me uncomfortable how much he hangs out with his ex - the day after we went out for our 1 year anniversary, he went out to brunch with her, but still says he loves me etc. Only reason I haven't ended it is he's moving overseas for work at the end of the year so it will be over then anyway."
A Cute Surprise
"She is in Italy living abroad for 3 months, so we are doing LDR."
"I am keeping a journal where I write a page every day about her (what I love about her, what I think about her, memories we've shared, times I was thinking about her)... She doesn't know, but she does know there is some surprise that she will get... I haven't told her anything about it and I'm really excited"
"It's really hard to write when we are in an argument (please don't argue over text, it only makes things worse), but it's also really good because it makes me more mindful and requires me to change my perspective of situations constantly."
"I love her"
"Don't know if this counts. The last girl I dated before I went to uni assumed I didn't have much money because I don't really spend money on myself. I would obviously spend money for dates and gifts, but I've always had a low cost high quality approach for dates, so our dates were well thought out but not fancy. I figured out pretty quickly that she thought I was broke and didn't bother correcting her. I have money but it's my family's so I've never thought of it as my own. She once saw my account balance when I was taking out some cash and got super pissed. It was a bit of an asshole move BUT i didn't take advantage and make her pay for everything."
The Best Twelve Years
"I'm working on a 12 year surprise gift for her."
"3 octagon boxes, each one smaller than the last stacked inside of each other. When the lid comes off the sides fall open with 8 pictures of our wedding anniversary pictures, second lid 8 birthdays of our oldest daughter, last box is 8 birthday pictures of our son."
"Married 4 years and my son is 6 months old, I need to find something super special to go in the middle of the gift but I have plenty of time to figure that out."
It All Worked Out
"That I actually initially wanted to get with their divorced, killer-body mother (who actually was African champion in the 400m hurdles back in her day, she is South African) and only befriended her to gain access to the mother. The mother straight up told me one day that I have "such a handsome face". Her daughter considered this as validation that I was probably a good choice. When a girl's mother thinks the guy she is hanging out with is hot it probably encourages her to move the relationship up to boyfriend and girlfriend status..."
"Anyway, I ended up falling in love with the girl and didn't pursue her mother or my fantasy of sleeping with a hot milf. Now I'll have to wait until me and the girl have been married for twenty years and she is an actual milf herself before I'll get to fulfill my fantasy..."
Sleepless In Seattle
"The only nights I sleep are with my partner. I can barely manage more than a few hours otherwise. I have so much anxiety and overthink so many made up scenarios every night, but when I am with them I feel infinitely more calm. I often fake how much I sleep just so they don't worry or feel bad about when I can't be with them."
I Am Still Bisexual Though
"I never told my last girlfriend that I was bisexual."
"I just didn't see the point. Early on in our relationship, she admitted that she experimented with women in college; since I am not publicly out yet, and she was clearly open to the idea, I simply didn't tell her. She never asked me directly, "Have you ever been with a man sexually?", so I don't feel like I lied to her technically."
"I would never lie to her or cheat on her, I don't have any STDs, and I know my way around a vagina. Does anything else really matter?"
A New Human
"When we first started dating I almost broke up with him because despite being the same age, we had vastly different upbringings and despite loving him as a person, I found some aspects of his behaviour quite immature. There were times I wished I'd met him in three or four years because I knew he was going to be such an incredible person when he grew up but sometimes I felt like I was mentoring him. I've never directly said 'hey I think you're being immature' but I have gently steered him away from some of the more childish aspects of his behaviour (being less judgmental and entitled, etc) and over the course of our relationship I've really watched him become a much kinder, humble person."
Some secrets are are better kept that way it seems!
Do you have anything to get off your chest? Let us know in the comments.