One of the greatest lessons in life is to know when to listen and also acknowledge when someone is talking smack, so you just run away to save your own life.
These days everyone thinks they're an arm chair therapist. Everybody has an opinion, a solution and an answer. In truth everyone has thought this for a long time actually. And it's bunk.
I'm not saying we all don't have ideas for good advice or can't help another person heal. But we really need to be more careful about the knowledge we're tossing about. And we need to be even more astute about what wisdom we decide to believe.
The slightest bit of advice can change a life, if we let it. So first, go on your own thoughts before you piggyback another.
Redditor u/Truzt102 wanted to hear about all the things they've been told "in the spirit" of help that was really just a load of crap, by asking:
What is the worst advice you've ever received?
I stopped listening to people recently. I had to. Mainly because it hindered my ability to listen to myself. I've taken so much bad advice merely because I believed they knew better, when they knew nothing. And I know I'm not alone.
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"You should act less smart so more guys talk to you."
"Just ignore the bully. He'll get bored. I wish my parents told me, "To Hell that kid up. You're 16. Slap on the wrist."
"I was bullied all throughout middle and high school. I dropped out half way through my sophomore year, then went back after working a summer."
"Former bully tried it again, and I just shouted "F* OFF!" in his face. He was so surprised. Thus ended 8+ years of torment. He never tried anything again. I dropped out again though, got my GED, went to college and did well. I'm good now. ADHD + meds = functional adult."
Shake it Off...
"Work through the pain, it will make your back feel better. It didn't."
"I lost a friend because they felt I was lazy for not "powering through" the chronic pain issues I have and "just live life" instead. Umm... I am powering through it every single moment of the day from the moment I will myself out of bed. It is exhausting and there's a limit to how much one can do that. I have an autoimmune condition so it looks like there's nothing wrong with me from the outside, and a lot of folks don't care much beyond the superficial."
My (ex-) co-worker advised me to have a baby because I was suffering so badly from my depression. She said this would cure my "bad mood."
"I once had a patient with borderline personality disorder also suffering from depressions. She already had 5 children from 5 different (ex-)partners, who where all in foster homes, because she could not care for them. Neglect, abuse, dangerous situations and the sorts.
"That day she told me she was so happy because she was pregnant again from an unknown partner. She was happy because pregnancy always made her feel better. I could only think about the next child's life being ruined. Although I'm generally opposed to forced contraception... sometimes... Don't fall for the trap."
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"Come on, stop complaining and swallow it." No mom, I'm allergic to freaking soy, if I swallow it I'll probably die."
First, listen to generational advice carefully. Each generation has a different perspective and we're learning a lot of it is shaded by trauma. That's important to recognize. Don't fall victim to other's issues.
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"Kick it to see if there are anymore bees inside." There were plenty of bees still inside."
never say sorry to a student...
"When I was an aspiring educator, I received a lot of scary advice about how school teachers should run a classroom from people who were well intended, but were completely out of touch. The most memorable was from a woman who had been a special education teacher for years and her nugget of wisdom was to "never say sorry to a student and never admit you're wrong." My philosophy as a teacher could never be more opposite."
911 Operators Break Down The Strangest Call They've Ever Received | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
A Little Rash
"No need to go to the doctor, it's just a little rash." It was Lyme's and I nearly died. "It was the Urgent Care nurse who said this. I believed it, my mom didn't, the next place sent me to the hospital."
"It bothers me how Americans need to make sure they ABSOLUTELY NEED to see a doctor before they go and look for medical help. It must suck that you can't just pop into the ER to check your weird rash, just to be safe. I really hope your healthcare gets better in the future."
"Also, I mean no offence, nor am I sh*tting on your country. I just wished everybody had the reassurance that they'll get the help they need without having to sell your firstborn. Someone mentioned an affordable system called Direct Primary Care. Don't know anything about it, just thought I should pass it on."
Failure to Launch
"My father once told me, when I was in my teens, "don't ever try anything new because you might fail." That's like the opposite of what good parents are supposed to say. He had recently went out and tried a career change and failed."
"My father said something similar. "You think like you live in a game. As if you're Super Mario in The Matrix."
"Something doesn't work out and you think you could just try again. That's not how life works, son. You need to have your entire life planned out and stick to that plan." For one, I did not think that. I was very well aware that I was on planet Earth in material form and that deus ex machinas don't happen in real life."
"Second, The Matrix does not work that way. Third, why do I need to have my life planned out at 13 years old? Aren't I supposed to try things out and then keep trying to do the things I enjoy until I'm good at them? Not according to my dad. He kept berating me about this until I finally moved out after graduating."
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"In 1984 I was told by a friend's mom that computers were "a fad" and that I shouldn't major in computer science in college. I ignored that advice, it was obvious even then this was a crazy take. This was literally 1984! Van Halen wasn't really my scene though, I was more into new wave music at the time."
"When my mom was dying in hospice, a coworker of mine told me I should at least let her family know, even though my mom told me she didn't care if they knew or not. Well, I let them know, and I definitely regretted it. The sister and her kids made it an entire dramatic ordeal and had to be removed from the room. Her brother didn't even call or text, just sent his dingbat wife who didn't even notice my mom had already passed. Haven't heard from either of them in the year since she's passed. My mom was right."
"If somebody's mean to you it's because they like you." Can people please stop telling kids this? I used to believe it, too. Yeah, maybe sometimes it's true, but most of the time it's not! Especially above the age of 7 lol."
"In 1998, I was a senior in college and completely frustrated by the college administrations inability to adapt to the online world, particularly with class scheduling. My last semester of school, where I was a jaded senior and didn't give a crap and just wanted enough hours to graduate."
"I remember a lady in the registrars office vehemently denying that registration would ever go online. Her words were something like "We will ALWAYS do in person registration, computers will never change that." I want to find that lady today and just smirk."
In the ShopsJulia Roberts Shopping GIF by SundanceTV Giphy
"I was 19, thinking about maybe going to college or getting a job in finance. My friend's mum said "no, don't do that. You know where the real money is? Shops. Working in shops."
"You should let it pinch you, it won't hurt that much..."
"It was the biggest crawdad I ever saw and I was maybe like 10 fishing with my Dad. He didn't think I would be stupid enough to do it, but I wanted to impress him. The chaos that then ensued; I picked it up and let it pinch the soft skin between my thumb and hand promptly scream in pain."
"Dad was laughing his butt off tried to help just to be pinched by the other claw on the back of his hand. This cycle of continuous pinching continues as we stupidity try to help one another then finally we get it removed and my Dad says to body slam it so I throw it as hard as I can back into the lake."
"Live above your means. It motivates you to do better" Uhhh...No."
"Had a sales manager basically say this. Honestly don't remember how the conversation got there, but was told "we need to get you some debt so that you will stay motivated." I preferred to live below my means so I could tell him to run off whenever I pleased."
"Try to think of happier things when you hallucinate. Yeah... let me just think of a unicorn, I can totally control schizophrenia. That'll help me not see the blurry faceless man following me in the hallway. Maybe I won't be so paranoid. That how that works, right? Happy away the illness."
"I scraped someone's truck in our apartment complex a few weeks after I first got my license at 18, in my defense he was very over the lines and it was the only available spot. Called my dad in a panic because I didn't know what to do, he told me to go park in the lot of the apartments next to us and just pretend nothing happened unless someone confronts me. New and inexperienced, I listened."
"Horrible advice, someone saw it and the guy found which apartment I was in. He was pissed but more understanding when he realized I was just a kid (to a guy In his 40s I guess 18 is a kid) and explained what happened. We worked insurance stuff out and I learned to never take my dad's advice."
"I should mention that I'm not considering 18 to be fully matured, I'm currently 24 and 18 year Olds definitely seem younger than they did when I was 18, I guess I consider kids to be more like people I wouldn't trust to leave home alone. That said, they are just as stupid as kids sometimes, like when they hit a truck and then take their dad's advice to do nothing and hope I don't get in trouble."
"Don't break up with him! You're perfect together! Spoiler alert: we weren't."
"Not the same but in adjacent territory, my ex-bf's sister said we should have a baby together because they make everything awesome. I was in my early 20s in college, and he was in his late 30s as were his siblings. I was obviously in a predatory dynamic and didn't know it at the time but I definitely wasn't about to take her advice."
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"Former mother in law- if you love him harder he won't hit you."
Advice is tricky. Everyone wants to help. And more often than not we're all more failing than helping. Learning to listen to our gut and our won voice is where we should start with advice. That's my advice. Let's try... begin.
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We all need a little wholesome content every now and then. Much of the world, especially right now, can seem very dark and depressing.
It's important to recognize that not all of the world is as scary as it may seem. So we wanted to see what wholesome facts people had to share with us.
In fact, the world "wholesome" literally means "promoting health or well-being of mind or spirit."
Take a minute to enjoy this list of wholesome facts that will just make your heart melt.
Redditor 2ndRockBottom asked:
"What is the most wholesome fact you know?"
You might want to grab some tissues.
A lottery winner and a lucky waitress.
"In 1984, a regular customer at a pizzeria asked his waitress for help choosing his lottery numbers. He won, came back, and tipped her $3 million."
"For eight years, Robert Cunningham was a regular at Sal's Pizzeria in Yonkers, NY. One night, he asked waitress Phyllis Penzo to split the numbers on his card. On April Fool's Day, she was woken up by a phone call from Cunningham telling her he'd won $6 million and she was entitled to half of it and made good on his promise."
"There's a movie about that, right? Early 90's?"
Yep! It's called It Could Happen To You from 1994.
"There was a man from a small rural settlement in Australia (I think) who won $20,000 from a scratch card."
"A news crew reported on it and the chap demonstrated how it works by buying another ticket. When he scratched the ticket, he had won another $50,000."
"Not $50,000. He won $250,000."
"Not just that, I think he had just survived being declared legally dead, right?"
That's right. The man was declared dead and was then in a 15-day coma.
Cows are actually so cute.
"Cows have best friends."
"My parents had cows for many years. They always knew which cows were friends to each other. It was so cute."
"Cows love music."
"They'll drop what they're doing and run over to listen, and studies have shown lower stress levels and higher milk production."
"(Not doubting you) but I'm my experience, cows are just curious creatures. I remember throwing a football with my dad outside and the cows would always gather around to watch. Same would happen if I were playing in the yard. Any activity that wasn't 'normal' brought all the milkshakes to the yard"
"Cows ARE curious creatures. We had them come investigate our campfire one night."
"THAT'S a startling sight. You're drinking and smoking around a campfire with your friends, and suddenly you're in the middle of a circle of 30 cows."
"It was wild."
Happy little trees.
"Bob Ross's voice was intentionally soothing and quiet."
"He was a Airforce Master Sergeant, 'I was the guy who makes you scrub the latrine, the guy who makes you make your bed, the guy who screams at you for being late to work. The job requires you to be a mean, tough person. And I was fed up with it. I promised myself that if I ever got away from it, it wasn't going to be that way anymore.'"
"My wife and I have been watching Bob Ross' The Joy of Painting on YouTube. If you haven't checked it out, it is really relaxing and sometimes we fall asleep to it on the tv while lying in bed."
"We sometimes like to pick paintings and do a Bob Ross Night. We get out our supplies, some alcohol and some snacks, and we just watch Bob teach us. Some of the paintings do come out well."
More libraries than McDonald's.
"That there are more public libraries in the US than there are McDonald's. I grew up poor and the library was a refuge for me, my library card was the only thing I carried in my first wallet."
"I started taking my kids to libraries like my dad did with me and my brothers when we were kids."
"I f*cking love libraries man."
"Libraries are great! I spent the last 14 years living in a city with an underfunded library system, where I could never find what I was looking for. I moved to a different city that believes in funding public services, and I've been taking full advantage of my local library now."
Animals in mourning.
"Horses mourn the death of other creatures, not just horses. When my daughter was younger we took her to riding lessons. One of the horses stepped on one of the barn cats and killed it. It was buried inside the horse pen and ALL of them, including the younger one that was usually a pita and super playful, were standing around the burial area with their heads down. They were like this for 2 days I was told and this was common for how they deal with the dead."
"Elephants also mourn the dead hence the term 'Elephant graveyard' where relatives pay homage to those that have fallen. It seems the concept of life and death isn't an exclusive human thing."
"Crows mourn the deaths of other crows in a similar manner. They stand in a circle around the deceased and sometimes raise their wings up. Very surreal thing to see. They also remember faces and hold grudges, so be kind to your local crows."
Pets really are healing.
"Interacting with pets causes brain to make oxytocin."
"Where there was a lethal bus accident outside my workplace that had killed 8 passengers including coworkers, our workplace brought in some puppies for people to enjoy to make them feel better."
Mr. Rogers fun fact.
"Every one of the sweaters Mr. Rogers wore on his show were hand knitted by his mom."
"Bonus Neighborhood fact, Mr. Rogers began to include a segment of the show where he fed his fish because a child wrote him, concerned about whether or not they were still alive and well."
"Mr. Rogers kept to a fairly rigid diet and exercise program, in order to consistently weigh 143 pounds. 143 was important to him, because the word 'I' contains 1 letter, the word 'love' contains 4 letters, and the word 'you' contains 3 letters."
"So, 143 = 'I love you.'"
"After he passed away, the Governor of Pennsylvania declared May 23 - the 143rd day of the year - to be '143 Day,' in honor of Mr. Rogers. Citizens are encouraged to show kindness to neighbors on May 23. (And every other day)."
"He responded to every single letter he received, and kept every letter and drawing in a special filing cabinet. He considered every letter and drawing to be sacred."
"He named his puppet King Friday the 13th because he didn't like the negative stigma associated with Friday the 13th, and wanted children to associate Friday the 13th with a friendly puppet rather than a day of bad luck or evil."
"One night, Mr. Rogers was invited to a fancy dinner for PBS employees and executives. He was given a limousine ride to the restaurant. When they arrived, Mr. Rogers asked the chauffer when they would see each other again. The chauffeur explained that he would wait 2-3 hours outside, in the car, then drive him home."
"This didn't sit right with Mr. Rogers. So, he insisted on having the chauffeur join him for dinner."
"On the way home, Mr. Rogers sat in the front seat with the chauffeur, getting to know him better. As the chauffeur told Mr. Rogers what a fan his children were of the show, Mr. Rogers asked the chauffeur if he could meet them. The chauffeur took Mr. Rogers to his own home, where Mr. Rogers met everyone, hung out for a couple hours, and even played piano for them."
"The chauffeur said it was one of the best days of his life."
Some of these really hit hard. If you needed a few happy tears today, we hope this did it for you. There's a lot of difficult news in the world right now and it's important to remember that there are good, wholesome things happening all at the same time.
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Laws exist to maintain order. However, they do not prevent crimes from actually happening, and before any punishments are made, the damage is already done.
Curious to hear about some of the more creepy indiscretions people get away with, Redditor Flytechofficial asked:
"What is perfectly legal, but creepy as hell?"
These things that happen in public restrooms can be considered criminal.
Respecting Splash Zones
"Using the urinal next to me when there were plenty of other choices."
Nightmare For The Pee-Shy
"hanging out in a public bathroom timing how long people pee."
"I swear to God. I did a lot of work in hospitals for a while, big f'king hospitals with tons of bathrooms all over the place. For some God damned reason, regardless of what time or bathroom I selected to take a sh*t in not 30 seconds after I sat down a janitor would knock on the door to clean the bathroom. It's not as if it was one janitor, just some random janitor would inevitably need to clean whatever bathroom I was in as soon as I got comfy. It's like I was being stalked by the janitors."
"So now I'm trying to take a sh*t knowing full well there's somebody out there actively timing how long it takes."
"I was drunk in a casino and went to use the washroom. The floors in there were a polished marble or something. Sitting on the toilet, pants down, my stall neighbour made eye contact with me on the reflective floor tile."
The following examples involving minors have no legal repercussions.
Kids For Show
"Child Beauty pageants."
"Technically, you can stand on the sidewalk and stare into someone's house through a window. It's not illegal as long as you stay off of their property, but it's really freaking creepy."
Keeping Tabs On Someone's Age
"A national newspaper having a countdown for when a child actress becomes 'legal' for sex."
"Answers to questions that will surely come. ....Yes. The Sun (UK). Emma Watson."
The Young Subjects
"When I was a child, we had a creepy horrible neighbor that would harass my family constantly. One of the things he did was stand at the corner of his yard and videotape me playing in a pool with my friends (we were around 8). My parents called the police but were told that it's legal if he's on his property."
These perfectly harmless examples can give you goosebumps.
"Hanging your doll collection from the trees in your yard using string made from human hair."
"I believe the act of cannibalism itself is legal so long as you didn't murder anyone to do it. If your homie gives you his arm to gnaw on, it's fair game."
"Facing the wrong way in an elevator."
I recently treated myself by going to a movie theater after what seemed like a long hiatus for much of the year.
Streaming blockbuster movies from home, while convenient, has never made as much of an impact when compared to the moviegoing experience.
But after my recent trip to our local AMC, I'm beginning to think watching entertainment from the comfort of my quiet home is a much better option.
I forgot that a good majority of audience members are disrespectful and pretty much ignore all the rules—including no texting or talking during the movie.
The normal volume conversations and the number of lit screens from people's smartphone's in my peripheral vision throughout the movie were huge distractions.
Maybe as I'm getting older, my patience has worn thin, or I happened to have a particularly unpleasant experience. But seriously, how can anyone enjoy going to the movies when people are constantly updating their status inside a darkened auditorium?
It should illegal. Rant over.
Shaking hands... what's up with that?
Could this social custom be going out of style given that we're all in the middle of a global pandemic and have become hyperaware of all the germs around us?
And not just that, but just how nasty people are? Why would you want to shake hands with them?
People shared their opinions after Redditor alebenchhe asked the online community,
"What social customs do we need to retire?"
"Making couples feel obligated to have giant, fancy, weddings."
If someone wants that, then more power to them.
But there are indeed people out there who spend thousands upon thousands of dollars to have weddings to please their families... only to divorce later.
"If I take a day..."
"Rest being seen as lazy. If I take a day off of work simply to sleep in and rest at home instead of having to have some sort of big plans or destination it shouldn't be seen as anything less."
"Having to purchase..."
"Having to purchase gifts for extended family that you cannot afford because it is Christmas or another holiday."
Yeah, let's stop that. Not all of us are made of money!
"Though it looks like this custom is fading away during the pandemic...but how about we stop glorifying us "being model employees by showing up to work even while sick?"
I was at a retailer for 14 years, and I don't have enough fingers and toes to count how many times I used to see managers and supervisors dragging themselves to work while sick to please their superiors. In January 2020, I ended up getting the flu from a co-worker that decided it would impress the store manager if she still showed up while sick with the flu.
That culture went away REAL quick when we started getting COVID cases in the store I was at...and I too ended up getting a mild case of COVID. I've called out any time in the past when I felt sick...and I will continue to do so as I normally did."
"I don't create..."
"Worshipping celebrities. I don't get it and it seems to just create tons of problems."
The celebrity worshipping culture, at least in the United States, is insane, and sets people up with rather unrealistic expectations.
"This goes along..."
"That because someone is"family", you should force yourself to spend time with them and be "nice and respectful", no matter what kind of person they are or how they treat you.
This goes along with the enabling acceptance of "that's just how they are" rather than condemning poor behavior choices."
Yes, let's normalize cutting out toxic people from our lives. We'll thank ourselves later.
"Expensive funerals. The funeral industry is insane."
"Discussing salary with co-workers should no longer be taboo."
That's how they get you––it's in your employer's best interest to keep you in the dark, and it's wrong. Many people out there are not aware of their rights in the workplace.
"Giving greeting cards..."
"Giving greeting cards for every single event imaginable. Why pay $5 to give someone a piece of paper that will get thrown out the next day? I'd rather you give me $5 and skip the card."
It's a wild world we live in and social customs can and do change. Life now won't look the same twenty years from now for instance––perhaps for the better? Who knows?
Oh, and sorry, but can we go back to the topic of shaking hands? Let's not do that. Just wanted to be extra clear.
Have some opinions of your own? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!
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I have a paralyzing fear of death. If I could I would live forever. Have you ever seen the movie "Death Becomes Her?" I would give every penny for that potion. And I wouldn't be all crazy like them.
Live well forever and be happy? It's possible. Even though life is nuts and scary, you're still here. What if there is nothing after the final breath? I don't want to just not exist, while everybody else just gets to keep on dancing.
In my hopes I see a Heaven with ice cream and vodka. So I'm going to hold onto that until eternal life is an option. Let's hear from the gallery...
Redditor u/St3fan34 wanted to discuss life after life, by asking:
What do you think really happens after death?
I feel like if there is nothing after life, it just invalidates life. But maybe I'm just dramatic. I hope there is peace. Thoughts?
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"Your family fights for your belongings."
"When we die, the whole world as seen by us, dies together with us."
"Yes it does. As does the entire universe. Only when we are alive can we experience the passage of time. The instant we die the entire universe will experience heat death and cease to be. It my take a million eons but since we can no longer experience time it will be relatively instantaneous."
"It's one of the great wonders of life: What will it be like to go to sleep and never wake up? And if you think long enough about that, something will happen to you. You will find out, among other things, that it will pose the next question to you: What was it like to wake up after never having gone to sleep? That was when you were born. You see, you can't have an experience of nothing. Nature abhors a vacuum. ~Alan Watts"
"When I was much younger, I had a dream where I died. Not a typical dream, not a romanticized dream. It was a dream where I was an archer in a medieval battle. About 5 minutes into the battle, chaos was all around me, and I watched an opposing archer aim and loose an arrow straight into my left eye."
"I remember the sensation of impact, ringing in my ears, and falling to the ground. I remember the warmth of the blood on my face. The feeling of life leaving my body, and the sense of worry evaporating into warmth and peace as the world left behind me."
"I remember waking up shortly after thinking that the feeling and reality of that experience was so vivid and so detailed that it must have been an experience from a previous incarnation hundreds of years ago. From that moment on, I've never feared the actual process of death. I feel like I've experienced it many times before."
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"I think one of your best friends delete's your browsing history."
If you love me... rule number one... HIDE THE EVIDENCE!!! Let that be heard far and wide. And dreams, always so intertwined aren't they?
Before & AfterHappy Baby GIFGiphy
"Exactly the same as before you were born."
"We clean the bed and assign it to another patient."
"The REAL reason why nurses are so dark. 90 year old man in hospice got hit by a car on his way to get fitted for his funeral tuxedo, and didn't have a DNR. Kept him alive for four hours, and now it's time to document everything that was done to save his life because there will inevitably be a lawsuit from a family member who has had four years to say goodbye but somehow didn't get to."
I don't know what they mean or how to utilize them. I'm a Buddhist (but a gamer first and foremost) so it's cool you guys made those connections This totally makes up for r/movies continuously banning me."
"I've answered this one before but here it is again. Either two things happen after you die: you either go somewhere or it's oblivion. If it is oblivion, then we're just going back to the same place before we were born and there's nothing wrong with that. We were there for billions or trillions of years, possibly infinity."
"You lose that concept of time since your brain doesn't work anymore so you don't even know it's over. It's not nothing because nothing would be something and that means that you are aware, which you can not be if you're dead. If we do go somewhere, then that's something no one understands because no one has ever come back to tell us."
"Those stories of people coming back after they "died" and "saw stuff" weren't really dead. Their hearts stopped but their brains were still working. If the Universe continues to recycle itself infinitely, then there's a chance we will be reborn or continuously reborn but have no memory of our previous selves."
"When I was a kid I drowned while on holiday with my family, a giant fat man jumped in the pool on top of me and no one noticed till I was on the bottom of the pool. I remember the feeling of my lungs being on fire, then shivering then as everything was going dark a strange sense of peace and I was ok with it, No panic or terror then it went black."
"I was resuscitated at the side of the pool a few minutes later. I remember nothing from the black to being "alive" again. I was around 7 when it happened and since then I've been strangely at peace with the fact that one day I will die and slip into the dark void of nothingness. Hope that helps."
Popcorn?500 days of summer cinema GIFGiphy
"You wake up in a chair in a cinema and learn that the other are past lives of you and you're about to watch your next life very soon on the big screen."
The truth is none of us know the truth. We live everyday with the afterlife being a gamble. And that seems like it's going to have to be enough.