People Share Their Views On Having Children
I've known many people who grew up in happy and stable families. I also know plenty of others who did not have the best upbringing or who don't get along with their parents one bit.
A while back, someone confided in me that they do not feel their parent were meant to have children. This was a lot for this person to take in. What would their parent's life have been like if they had felt comfortable or had been able to make a different choice?
It's a lot to think about — having a child is one of those singular events that can change the trajectory of your entire life.
People shared their thoughts with us after Redditor idkwhatoput_111 asked the online community:
"What are your views on having kids?"
"If you want them..."
"If you want them, raise them right. Discipline them, but be kind, don't provoke them to wrath. If you don't want them, that is valid. If you create something in this world, take care of it."
Agreed. Also understand that the world they are going to live in might be very different than the world you grew up in.
"Being firm but still reasonable..."
"Being firm but still reasonable and kind is so important. I'm as anti-authoritarian as ever existed, but if you're a parent you gotta RAISE a human and that's fundamentally different from being their buddy who they give easy love to because you let them do as they please."
You'd be authoritative, then, instead of authoritarian. Significantly better parenting style.
"I have a daughter and a stepson."
"I have a daughter and a stepson. I love them, and I love being a father, but if you don't want kids you shouldn't have them."
Indeed. You should not have a child till you want one, and feel you are ready. They are a lot of work, and expensive.
"More people should ask themselves whether it’s really for them before having them."
Indeed. Sex education matters.
"I'm all for..."
"I definitely had friends who swore they weren't having kids just wind up pregnant. Some of them have grown into it and some haven't."
"I'm all for people changing their minds. We grow up. Follow your heart. But be careful it's not just FOMO or boredom or something."
Such introspection is definitely valued! More people should think like this.
"This could all be prevented..."
"I feel that if more people actually paused and took a second to ask themselves, “Is this really what I want? Or is it because society/family members expect me to?” there would be a shift in the number of people having kids - for the better. It isn’t good for anyone involved to have kids and then later realize it’s not for them, after the kid is here."
"Those people likely won’t be great parents, and they risk their kid feeling unwanted. That could all be prevented if more people just stopped to think about what they actually want in life, whether or not they are suited to handle the challenges of raising another human being, and cared less about what society or family expects of them."
It should be presented as a choice rather than an expectation.
"I had parents that..."
"I am not neurologically suited to the role of being a parent. I had parents that should not have had any kids, let alone 5, so I am firm on this point. I cannot be a good parent, and in my opinion if you can't be a good one you shouldn't be one at all."
And if you grew up in a home with apathetic parents you don't want to live out that same apathy with your own children.
"Make sure you can afford them."
Important point that it's more than just affordability — children can be emotionally taxing and you have to be capable of dealing with that.
"I wish people didn't see it..."
"I wish people didn't see it as "the next step" in life but just as a thing you can do if you have the desire and means to."
That, and not seeing it as somehow being selfish when you choose not to have kids.
"Too many people..."
"Make sure you healed your trauma and generational trauma before even thinking about them. Too many people get children to fill an emptiness… turning the child into their own doll/therapist and then get upset when it becomes a person and not a mirror image."
Understanding and facing generational trauma is so important. Being able to have the courage to heal yourself can then make having children something you might consider.
As you can see, having kids is not an easy decision — and no easy task. It's always worth doing some soul-searching before you decide to have one, but life is of course much more complicated than that for some.
Have some suggestions of your own? Tell us more in the comments below!
- People Reveal The Moment They Decided To Never Have Children ... ›
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- Children Of Pornstars Explain What It Was Really Like Growing Up ... ›
- Children of Polygamist Parents Reveal What Their Childhoods Were ... ›
- People Confess What It's Really Like To Raise Children They Don't ... ›
People Break Down The Times They Thought They Might Actually Die But Didn't
Life is fleeting.
We face the end every second of the day.
We have no idea about the ticking time bombs in our bodies.
We have no clue what's around every corner we turn.
When face to face with death, the mind wonders.
Or maybe it finds peace.
Redditor LaVidaFiesta wanted to hear about the times we've been SHOOK by the aspect of dying, so they asked:
"When did you think you would die, but didn't?"
I've lost track of times I've been near death, mostly all traffic incidents.
I always start praying.
Road HazardDriving Jim Carrey GIF by Morgan CreekGiphy
"Dated a dangerous driver. One night he decided, with me in the car, to overtake a lorry on a country road where he couldn't see crap. We were seconds from a head-on collision and I never set foot in his car again. He later had to go to prison for driving offences."
So Much Blood
"When I was 17, in 1989, I got shot outside of a party in Detroit. So much blood, s**t hurt like hell, burned hotter than the sun. But twas just a flesh wound, didn't hit any vital organs."
"'Minor' heart attack at 37. Nothing minor about feeling like you're drowning on land."
"Go tell that to my dad who refused to take me to the hospital when the 19 yo me asked him to go cause I felt like something was definitely wrong with my heart when it happened 24 yo now, and my cardiologist been saying that I'm a miracle and if I didn't have an healthy and 'athletic' heart I would probably not be here anymore."
Roll With It
"My friends dragged me up to the mountains without my knowledge (i was told we were just going for a drive until we were halfway there). So I'm already at the mountain and I'm like... 'aight i guess ill just roll with it.' They had me build the fire since I'm the only one thats any good at building fires. Long story short the smoke inhalation caused me to have extreme asthma without an inhaler."
"Everyone refused to take me to the hospital the entire day. I ended up coughing so forcefully and so often that I ended up with pneumomediastinum (a hole in the lung causing air to leak into the mediastinum). Needless to say I cut off all ties with them."
"When I woke up with an asthma attack and couldn’t breathe."
"The most frightening feeling in the world... I moved to a different city with a different climate, and my asthma attacks usually will start with coughs, but now it's just a little uncomfortable and boom, my throat is closed... Very, very scary. Hope your asthma is under control."
"I was diagnosed with stage 4 terminal colon cancer and given 4 months to a year. I thought I would be dead by now but I’m still alive coming up to 8 months since the diagnosis. Starting to feel a bit of pain otherwise I’m fine."
Never stop living when you can.
Fast & Furiouspaul walker pw GIFGiphy
"Car tried passing a truck going maybe 120kmh. I was going 100kmh. Head on. Time did slow down but it was calm just accepting I was going to die. Paramedics went to the scene expecting nobody to survive and I came out with couple minor injuries. Haven’t been scared to die since."
"Almost two years ago, my now ex-wife got really made at me. Way more than normal it was so bad I asked her to stop the car and let me out. She stopped, I opened the door, put my feet on the ground and she floored the car! The rear wheel ran over my arm, neck, and shoulder."
"Cracked skull , small brain bleeding loss of mass in the frontal lobe, disconnected my Brain from my nose. What I can't get over is the headlights coming back at me. She told the police the car door just opened."
In my mind...
"I met with an accident where a huge bus knocked me riding a cycle. It came from behind, there were no other vehicles to be seen, and I saw what was gonna happen to me. I knew I was gonna die, but luckily, I was thrown to the other side of the road and survived with small injuries. In my mind, I was gonna die and I just could not believe I lived."
In the Water
"I was out swimming with some friends and since I've been swimming my entire life I wasn't worried about swimming far out and diving by myself. So there I was, 150m away from the nearest person, diving in the sea. All of a sudden a sharp pain hits me in the leg and the shock causes me to breathe out. There I am, alone a couple of meters under the surface, thinking 'I'm dead if I don't calm down.'"
"With that in mind I force the pain away and start using the rest of the body to swim up with. I reach the surface and swim to shore. The whole thing lasted just a couple of seconds but it really didn't feel like it at the time. If I hadn't been swimming my whole life I could've easily died that time. Now it wasn't the closest I've been to dying but it felt the closest."
The RiverBless Jason Watkins GIF by Mammoth ScreenGiphy
"I can't swim we were crossing a river I was front passenger seat and and we started taking on water my side quickly filled and my seatbelt wouldn't unbuckle."
Life is precious.
Never take a moment for granted.
Do you have any near-death experiences? Let us know in the comments below.
People Explain Which Obscure Candle Scents They Wish They Could Buy
Whether or not we enjoy cleaning, we can all appreciate a calm and clean environment.
Some of us really like the "extras" of a comfortable home, like cozy blankets and pillows, soft music, and uniquely scented candles.
There are even some candle scents people would love to have in their homes but which are not available at this time.
Wondering what others liked to be surrounded with, Redditor unknownyoyo asked:
"What obscure smell would you buy a candle of?"
"I'd love a candle that actually smells like wood. I love the smell of fresh lumber."
Only '90s Kids Will Understand
"I want a candle that captures the experience of the Scholastic Book Fair."
Emphasis on "Old"
"Ooh! A candle that actually smells like OLD books."
Talk About Swoon-worthy
"Freshly baked bread."
Oscure and Lovely
"The smell of rain on hot pavement."
Good Morning, Indeed
"I wish I could capture that smell of a clear cold morning in a boreal forest in Northeastern Ontario. Crisp, pine, lake, clear, cold, sunshine... it's a whole vibe."
A Reverse Candle, In a Way
"The smell of a candle that's literally JUST been blown out."
The '90s Friday Night Vibes
"I bought a candle that smells like Blockbuster and I love it. It smells like buttered popcorn, carpet, and that smell VHSs had."
The Smell of Rain
"This might just be a UK thing but there's a certain smell on a cloudy day just before the rain hits and you can tell it's about to start. That's a comfortable smell for me."
"Fresh-cut grass in summer is good too."
Or a Whole Line of Cooking Candles
"Melted garlic butter."
When Nostalgia Comes Knocking
"I want a candle that smells like my old dog. It's not the most pleasant smell, but I miss that big id**t."
Pizza Rolls, Anyone?
"The smell of that friend's house you used to go to sleepovers at and spend all night playing LAN PC games together back in 7th grade and his mom bought pizza for you."
Don't Forget Your Racket
"The smell of a freshly opened can of tennis balls."
French Onion Soup
"About a year ago, I made homemade french onion soup for the first time. I spent over an hour caramelizing the onions on the stove."
"I went to the grocery store to get cheese for the recipe. As soon as I got there, three girls stopped me and asked what I was wearing. I don't wear cologne, so didn't know what they were talking about."
"They were sniffing me all over and telling me that I smell amazing. H**l, they started calling other people over to smell me."
"That's when I realized they were smelling the caramelized onions. I was pretty popular that day. If I wasn't already married, I'd make french onion soup every day!"
Three Cheers for Childhood
"That smell right when you open the container of Play-Doh."
Each of these scent ideas brought back comforting feelings and great memories, especially for anyone who grew up in the '90s. To be surrounded by these scents every day at home would create quite the vibe, for sure.
People Reveal The Real Reason Why They Stopped Having Sex With Their Partner Or Spouse
Whether we intend for it to be the focus of the relationship or not, one of the defining features of a romantic relationship is its physical interactions.
Anyone who deeply values physical touch might not be able to understand how a relationship could continue if the couple was no longer intimate.
Curious, Redditor cold_h*e asked:
"People who stopped having sex with their partner/husband/wife, what made you stop?"
When Health Gets in the Way
"I was on an antidepressant that shut my libido down. No desire whatsoever, and if we tried, it always ended in my failure. Slowly improved, weaned off it over six months, and things began to get better, all around."
"About that time, my wife began getting sinus headaches. It was subsequently diagnosed as an incurable brain tumor, and she was gone 18 months later. That bout of depression was a walk in the park..."
"Sex hurts her (autoimmune problems)."
"It's been seven years. It turns out I love her more than I thought I could."
"He has a medical problem that means he can't orgasm. Sex always ended with him getting frustrated and upset about it. So it's not worth the stress. I'd rather have him and be celibate than be with anyone else."
"It bothered us at first, but only because we were locked into the idea that married couples need to have a sex life. We went to couples counseling and basically figured out that we love each other and are happy together without sex, so why does it matter what is considered 'normal'?"
"We're a couple of happy little weirdos, and it works for us."
"My wife had morning sickness for about half of every one of her pregnancies. Women are amazing at dealing with all of that. On the plus side, after it subsided, sex was great. Just got better and better until the birth."
"He had more experience than me, and wouldn't listen to me when I said what he was doing didn't feel good. He would tell me he knew what he was doing and to just let him."
"Before my divorce, I got tired of being rejected and having promises made that were never going to be kept."
"I had an accident where someone accidentally fell on my face with their knee and crushed it some years ago (not my partner though)."
"I had some surgeries after that and my face is fine now, but I found myself unable to relax during sex since then. Somehow I am not able to give up control and just let it go while doing physical activities that include two people who are physically close together."
"My mental health has been up and down lately so sex has been a rare occurrence. We had a dry spell that lasted about a year. People underestimate how much mental health can affect a person."
"I got tired of being turned down, so I gave up."
Too Many Responsibilities
"He didn’t support/help or even pull his weight, we rarely went out anywhere, and when we did, I often paid and he’d ask to use my card so it didn’t embarrass him if I was seen to be paying."
"Basically, I was giving more than I was receiving and he cared too much about image over substance. Then he expected me to be up for sex as though I could magically turn myself on like a light switch. He’d walk up to me and grope at me when I was busy. Highly bloody irritating!"
"He also suggested I needed sex therapy when the idea of sleeping with him turned me off altogether. It felt like another chore to add to my already manic list since he didn’t do much to help. Both worked full-time and my job included long travel and entertaining out of hours."
"I felt tired and resentful and no matter how I tried to approach a solution, his response was basically that he doesn’t feel inclined to help as I didn’t put out so he didn’t feel loved enough. It exhausts me just to write that."
"I never cheated just to be clear, I wasn’t getting my kicks elsewhere. I did end it though and my sexual appetite returned with my next partner."
"My ex was verbally and emotionally abusive, and also a drug addict. You can't call me those names and be horrible, and then expect me to be turned on just because you take your pants off. I spent most of my marriage on the couch."
"We haven't been intimate for a long time, but I've decided to stay. We have a kid and yes, it had a lot to do with the decision. I just hope I can take it until my libido dries up."
"The worst part is feeling unattractive. I take pains to make sure she knows she's beautiful, and you'd swear I don't exist unless I beg to be noticed."
"There are times when it's better, but it's always after I've almost left over it."
Changing Over Time
"We started dating when we were 15, we were pretty much the same person as each other. Time went on and we changed as people."
"She stopped working and I gained a bit of weight with stress and being overworked. She stopped being attracted to me and we were just two completely different people from when we first met."
"It ended horribly but I’m now with a lady whom I love very much and we’re getting married later this year."
"I was tired of being called a cow. I was left at home every weekend while he took our only car to his friend's house 2+ hours away. I was exhausted from working four 10-hour days and then spending my three days off doing all the yard work, housework, getting groceries, and then being expected to perform like I wasn't entirely exhausted."
"I lasted two years in that marriage."
Whether it's poor relationship dynamics or health concerns, there are all sorts of reasons why the physical relationship between a couple will change over time. The question ultimately is how important physical intimacy is to both people and how to make sure they both continue to feel fulfilled by the relationship.
People Describe The Creepiest Wikipedia Articles They've Ever Come Across
Those who are fascinated by the paranormal or unsettling situations can quickly get their fix by watching many shows on various streaming platforms and literature.
But they seem to forget that truth is actually stranger than fiction and many of the bizarre plotlines depicted in shows and books are inspired by actual life events.
Curious to hear what keeps strangers online up at night, Redditor wisteriasgirl asked:
"What’s the creepiest Wikipedia article you’ve ever read?"
All it takes is a toxic environment to have deadly consequences.
"Tokyo Subway Sarin Attack, wherein a 10 members of the doomsday cult 'Aum Shinrikiyo' launched five separate Sarin gas attacks onboard five subway trains across three major subway lines in Tokyo. Killed 14, and injured approx 5,000 people, 1,000 of which received serious injuries."
"The cult itself started out as simple yoga group, which gradually turned into a doomsday cult whose goal is to start World War 3. They are also infamous for using chemical weapons in their attacks: VX, Phosgene, Cyanide, and Sarin gas."
Fatal Exposure To Chemical Elements
"The death of Karen Wetterhahn. She died of mercury poisoning at the age of 48 due to accidental exposure to the extremely toxic organic mercury compound dimethylmercury."
"Protective gloves in use at the time of the incident provided insufficient protection, and exposure to only a few drops of the chemical absorbed through the gloves proved to be fatal after less than a year."
DIY Cancer Cure Specialist
"The Toxic Death of Gloria Ramirez which is about a woman who possibly (the definitive cause is unknown) used household chemicals to treat cancer and in the process of caring for her many doctors and nurses fell ill. The chemicals reacted with her blood, creating an airborne toxin. She presented with an oily sheen on her entire body and her insides (mouth, blood, etc) had a pungent, sweet, garlic-y smell."
"Edit: A likely cause for Gloria is known but we can't rule out the theory where her IV bag gets switched out with meth ingredients being smuggled through the hospital (that is actually listed in the wiki) or, of course, aliens. /s And YES, I did first hear of her on buzzfeed unsolved, but I read the Wiki after okay?"
The things humans are capable of doing by causing harm to others is deeply disturbing.
Led By A Doomsday Cult Leader
"Oh man, you should check out the Ant Hill Kids then."
"I'm not sure wikipedia goes into the brutality of it, but imagine screwdriver + brain + acid and a bunch of other f'ked up things. No real reason other than they felt like it in the moment."
This Duo Filmed Their Killings
"It was actually mainly just two guys, the third guy didn't get charged with any murders, just armed robberies that took place before the murders."
"The Bath School Massacre about a man who went insane and bombed a school in order to kill the next generation of his town and get back at the prominent community members that 'slighted him'. Awful, awful."
Murder Of A Japanese High School Student
"Junko Furuta. That whole article just makes my blood boil."
"Carl Tanzler A radiographer who got obsessed with a patient of his, Elena Hoyos. She succumbed to tuberculosis while under his treatment. He stole her body and kept it in his house for years to come, until her family discovered what was going on. Hoyos' decaying body was kept together with wires and a mask was made. He was also married to another woman all this while. Just an all-round disgusting case."
Redditors can't bear to imagine perishing by way of these horrific circumstances.
"The article for Lingchi, or 'death by a thousand cuts.' Its a kind of execution method that was used in China where someone is tied to a wooden frame and is cut to death, usually over the course of several days, sometimes in public."
"Hv u heard about the method where a person’s head, arms and legs are tied to five different horses and they walk in away in different directions tearing the guy apart?"
"It’s called 車裂"
The article I personally found absolutely unsettling was the death of Elisa Lam, whose body was found in a large cistern atop the Cecil Hotel.
The budget hotel, which was named Stay On the Main at the time, was notorious for hauntings and housing serial killers like Richard Ramirez–a.k.a. "The Nightstalker."
Lam was last seen alive inside the building's elevator through viral surveillance footage of her behaving erratically.
Social media users were fixated on her subsequent disappearance, and much of what happened to Lam and how her body found its way into the water tank remains the subject of many theories and debates.