People Share Their Views On Having Children
I've known many people who grew up in happy and stable families. I also know plenty of others who did not have the best upbringing or who don't get along with their parents one bit.
A while back, someone confided in me that they do not feel their parent were meant to have children. This was a lot for this person to take in. What would their parent's life have been like if they had felt comfortable or had been able to make a different choice?
It's a lot to think about — having a child is one of those singular events that can change the trajectory of your entire life.
People shared their thoughts with us after Redditor idkwhatoput_111 asked the online community:
"What are your views on having kids?"
"If you want them..."
"If you want them, raise them right. Discipline them, but be kind, don't provoke them to wrath. If you don't want them, that is valid. If you create something in this world, take care of it."
Agreed. Also understand that the world they are going to live in might be very different than the world you grew up in.
"Being firm but still reasonable..."
"Being firm but still reasonable and kind is so important. I'm as anti-authoritarian as ever existed, but if you're a parent you gotta RAISE a human and that's fundamentally different from being their buddy who they give easy love to because you let them do as they please."
You'd be authoritative, then, instead of authoritarian. Significantly better parenting style.
"I have a daughter and a stepson."
"I have a daughter and a stepson. I love them, and I love being a father, but if you don't want kids you shouldn't have them."
Indeed. You should not have a child till you want one, and feel you are ready. They are a lot of work, and expensive.
"More people should ask themselves whether it’s really for them before having them."
Indeed. Sex education matters.
"I'm all for..."
"I definitely had friends who swore they weren't having kids just wind up pregnant. Some of them have grown into it and some haven't."
"I'm all for people changing their minds. We grow up. Follow your heart. But be careful it's not just FOMO or boredom or something."
Such introspection is definitely valued! More people should think like this.
"This could all be prevented..."
"I feel that if more people actually paused and took a second to ask themselves, “Is this really what I want? Or is it because society/family members expect me to?” there would be a shift in the number of people having kids - for the better. It isn’t good for anyone involved to have kids and then later realize it’s not for them, after the kid is here."
"Those people likely won’t be great parents, and they risk their kid feeling unwanted. That could all be prevented if more people just stopped to think about what they actually want in life, whether or not they are suited to handle the challenges of raising another human being, and cared less about what society or family expects of them."
It should be presented as a choice rather than an expectation.
"I had parents that..."
"I am not neurologically suited to the role of being a parent. I had parents that should not have had any kids, let alone 5, so I am firm on this point. I cannot be a good parent, and in my opinion if you can't be a good one you shouldn't be one at all."
And if you grew up in a home with apathetic parents you don't want to live out that same apathy with your own children.
"Make sure you can afford them."
Important point that it's more than just affordability — children can be emotionally taxing and you have to be capable of dealing with that.
"I wish people didn't see it..."
"I wish people didn't see it as "the next step" in life but just as a thing you can do if you have the desire and means to."
That, and not seeing it as somehow being selfish when you choose not to have kids.
"Too many people..."
"Make sure you healed your trauma and generational trauma before even thinking about them. Too many people get children to fill an emptiness… turning the child into their own doll/therapist and then get upset when it becomes a person and not a mirror image."
Understanding and facing generational trauma is so important. Being able to have the courage to heal yourself can then make having children something you might consider.
As you can see, having kids is not an easy decision — and no easy task. It's always worth doing some soul-searching before you decide to have one, but life is of course much more complicated than that for some.
Have some suggestions of your own? Tell us more in the comments below!
- People Reveal The Moment They Decided To Never Have Children ... ›
- Women Who Didn't Want Kids But Had Them Divulge What ... ›
- Children Of Pornstars Explain What It Was Really Like Growing Up ... ›
- Children of Polygamist Parents Reveal What Their Childhoods Were ... ›
- People Confess What It's Really Like To Raise Children They Don't ... ›
People Who Make More Money From Their Side Hustles Than Their Day Jobs Share Their Experiences
In this day and age, it's not uncommon for people to have a side gig -- an extra job as a way to make more money -- aside from their regular 9 to 5.
It's also not super uncommon for some of these people to find that their side gig can -- and sometimes does -- pay them more than their 9 to 5.
My best friend is a brilliant journalist by trade, but he makes way more money by freelance editing than he does as at the paper he writes for. Freelance editing is a side gig, however. He doesn't do it all the time, and yet makes enough to pay his monthly rent just by doing one freelance job!
Redditors have discovered other side gigs that pay them more than their regular 9 to 5, and are ready to share their experidnces.
It all started when Redditor DonkKinnis asked:
"People that actually found a side hustle that makes more than your 9-5, what was it?"
I Need A Weapon
"Making swords, it started as a hobby - like let's see where we can take it. It is now a company with 15 guys employed, and 1,500+ swords a year. Best job ever"
"You’re living my husbands dream. He would love to forge swords as a hobby. If you feel so inclined, can you message me with info on your starter setup? It’s my goal to surprise him someday with a fully functioning beginner forge, but I have no idea where to start"
"Lucky for you guys England and France are at war. Business must be booming."
Happy And Healthy
"I was a therapist for 5 years in acute inpatient psych, and I burned out HARD. From awful pay, zero security, staff getting cut but workload increasing, and the work culture being one of “suffering Olympics” where you’d see who can work the most on the least sleep, it was inhumane."
"In the last 2 years, I turned my photography hobby into a successful business! I shoot weddings, elopements, couples’/family sessions, you name it. I work much less and make much more, plus the second hand dopamine is fantastic for my own mental health."
"Me, working inpatient psych as a nurse, studying this thread like my life depends on it."
"I sculpt miniatures for 3D printing, RPG, DnD etc. I make roughly triple what I was doing at a previous ''real'' entry job."
Just Whistle While You Work
"Cleaning houses makes pretty good money. It's surprising how much people will pay you to just come in once a week and do a little cleaning."
"My dad told me once of a acquaintances wife who started a cleaning business. Not by hour but charged for the task. Floors swept and mopped was $xx dishes done and benches wiped $xx carpets vaccumed $xx bathroom cleaned $xx toilet $xx. It worked brilliantly esp for young busy working men. Having set prices for set tasks was easier for them to get their heads around than 3-4 hours cleaning. She did very very well out of it"
Flowers DO Cost A Fortune!
"Wedding Florist. Quit the 9-5 last year!"
"I sell brownies on delivery apps"
"There is a kid who did this with frozen pizzas from his apartment on YouTube."
"This is f-ing brilliant."
I Want One!
"I sew stuffed animals, quilts and sometimes children’s clothing. I use to work in a nearby hospital working with Covid patients and Covid samples. I can make my old paycheck in a day if I spend the entire day working."
Should I Be Scared?
"Building killer stereo systems I’ve also have been building patio chairs really just making stuff if you can make it but make it well and take pride in your craftsmanship there’s a market for it"
"Read this too fast and thought it said “serial killer system” and I was very confused and slightly worried for a moment."
A New Idea Is A Good Idea
"I’m a software engineer. I had a coworker who was into bowling and couldn’t find an app he liked to track his stats, so he wrote one himself after using it, his friends started asking if he could give it to them. He put it on the App Store. Within a year close to half his income was coming from his app selling."
"He tried to repeat his success a few times, but none of his other apps ever caught on."
Didn't Even Know This Was A Thing
"So technically I don’t have a 9-5 cause I’m a student, but it’s still a VERY well paying hustle."
"Essentially all I do I drive around the city, go to random stores, buy a lottery ticket, see if they ask for ID, and leave. Then I fill out some paperwork, and I’m done."
"They compensate full gas charge, and give roughly 30$ per store. I can easily do 20 stores in a day. The problem is once all the stores are done, I can’t check anymore."
"I'm the unofficial tech guy for a pretty large retirement community. It started by me setting up a dvd player for my grandma, she started telling her neighbors and now one day a week I go by and will spend the day doing minor stuff for tech illiterate people. Half the time it replacing batteries, allot of the residence are given computers their kids or grand kids that ill set up for them. I charge next to nothing, but usually will ask for the old tech if im replacing something which i refurbish and sell. Alot of people buy their grandma new mac book every 2 years that are barely used, then given to me."
Fun, Fun, Fun
"I became an Uber driver and make over 10k a month these days. Really enjoying it too."
Music Ties It Together
"I started a wedding DJ business and found people were willing to pay a premium for a non-cheesy DJ who doesnt make the night or party about them. Even though I only worked Friday-Sat-Sundays due to weddings mostly being held on these days, I was making 2x my 9-5 job."
"This day and age it does make sense to do this. Invest in a good sound system. Invest in a decent light setup. Be sure to have a wi-fi connection at the venue so if someone requests a song you can easily download it. Watch people have a great time"
The Universe At Work
"I left my job in publishing and performed the same functions on a freelance basis for about two years."
"I made only about 5-10 percent less gross. Once you factor in my lack of commute to Manhattan, not havimg to buy clothing for work, not getting lunch out, etc., net was only single digits less."
"It was also cool because every so often the universe would toss me a random extra day off. That was hard to give up."
Check And Mate
"I make custom chess board sets for professional chess players."
I understand. I would pay big money for one of those!
Do you have a side hustle we should know about? Let us know in the comments.
Men Share The Question They've Always Wanted To Ask Women But Were Too Nervous
Let's be honest: men and women are different, and even that statement is pretty diminutive of the truth.
Men and women feel things differently. They think about things differently and go through different things. Their experiences and knowledge base are different.
Sometimes, this means men and women don't understand each other very well. The best way to solve a mystery is to ask a question, but men sometimes feel nervous about doing so. They don't want to offend women by getting too personal, and they don't know how else to proceed.
That's why it's a good thing Reddit exists. Men have finally asked their questions, and women have answered!
It all started when Redditor Asking35 asked:
“Men, what is something about women you are curious about but too afraid to ask?"
"What’s with all the pillows?"
"They make this glorious nest so I can sleep on my side without my hips tightening overnight, support behind my back and shoulders, support against my boobs, good positioning for my arms and legs, etc..."
"It's wonderfully comfy and cozy."
Health Is Hard
"Why do you steal my food"
"You left it unguarded lol"
""I'll have the 'My wife's not hungry". It comes with French fries, onion rings, and chicken nuggets."
"omg I've been waiting for the opportunity to answer this!"
"I don't know about other women, but for me it's because my husband isn't as health conscious about what he eats as I am. And I know that doesn't make sense at first but hear me out..."
"I don't have the same metabolism as my husband and have to monitor what I eat not to gain weight, which I don't like doing cuz it makes my back hurt. The problem is, my husband constantly brings home junk food or take out. He'll always ask if I want something from taco bell or Wendys or something and I'll say no because I genuinely don't want him to bring me any cuz I'm trying to be healthy. But it's always wishful thinking because as soon as he comes home and I catch a whiff of those McDonald's fries I literally can't resist eating some. Or when we're on the couch and he's munching on a cheesy taco, my salad start to look less appetizing and I find myself just staring at his food."
"This never happened when I lived alone because I would just buy healthy groceries so there wouldn't be any junk food at home tempting me with their seductive amazingness. And when I eat out alone I just order something healthy and there's nobody there tempting me with their delicious plate of nachos."
"So yeah to sum it up it's basically just me wishing to eat healthy but then not having any self control when my partner indulges in junk food in front of me."
"Any guys out there, if you want to test if your girl is doing the same thing, try eating healthier and see if she tries to steal your bowl of brown rice with veggies the same as she steels your fries. If she has no problem leaving your food alone when you eat healthier, then maybe stop eating junk food in front of her lol. Or continue, but just expect that she is not going to want to order whole meal but is going to have trouble resisting a couple fries when the smell hits her."
Confidence Is Key
"Do you actually like it when a man approaches you with the intention of asking you on a date? I don't mean catcalling and that sort of weird sh*t, just being genuine and straightforward."
"Depends on the situation. And talk to/get to know me first."
"Also, if I say “no” don’t persist."
"Depends a little on how. If it's someone I've already met a couple of times, like a colleague/fellow student or friend of a friend, I don't mind if he is forward and asks me out - that confidence is attractive, and something I'd envy him, lol."
"If its someone I don't know or just met I prefer if he gives me his contact information rather than asking for mine. I'll most likely say no if it is the latter."
"Something simple like, "Hey, I really enjoyed talking to you and would like to go out sometime to get to know you better. Here's my number". That puts me less on the spot and if he's not my type there won't be the awkwardness of immediate rejection."
"But that's just me."
"Do you admire a guy after he chooses to be vulnerable and bare it all in front of you?"
"Yes. Personally, I have a hard time opening up and just talking about my feelings in general. Whenever my husband does, it makes me feel like I’m doing something right."
Sending A Message
"Why do they all put their hand on their man’s stomach for photos?"
"We want to make sure whomever is looking at the pic to know this is my romantic partner, not my friend."
"Mine, that’s why."
"Is there a calendar function to the menstrual cycle that you guys have memorized? Like does it happen some time on X number week of the month or is it much more systematic and occurs every 30/31 days?"
"First of all, the period is the first 5-7 days of the menstrual cycle. The menstrual cycle is 28-35 days long."
"Everyone is different. Some people it’s every 28 days on the dot exactly, other people it’s “oh it’ll happen sometime this week” and some people it can vary massively. The average is every 28 days but a normal (normal meaning not to be concerned about) is 28-35 days. And then some people do not have a regular cycle, I myself have had it go from 32 - 52 days in the last year."
"Your period happens 12-14 days after you ovulate, which happens on day 12-14 in a 28 day menstrual cycle. The time in between is called the luteal phase. Then your period starts, and the cycle starts over on day 1."
Girls Just Wanna Have Fun
"Hmm, well I've always wondered why women need an entire Sephora store's worth of makeup just to go to the grocery store. But I'm pretty sure if I ask that question out loud, I'll get hit with a mascara wand. So I'll just keep wondering in silence."
"I’ll gladly answer this without throwing anything at you!😂 Make-up is fun; it really is that simple for a lot of us. That’s along with wanting to look our best, which in turn makes us feel our best."
I Don't Get Cold...Sort Of
"How are y’all not freezing when you wear dresses to the club in winter"
"We are. We’re just tougher than men ;)"
"It’s not that we aren’t cold most times, it’s that we are taught by society in general that we have to ignore our own comfort for other people."
It's Mine Now
"Why do you take our hoodies and never give them back?"
"Because they smell good and they're comfy :)"
"what part of the male body are you attracted to"
"Hands that are well kept and groomed finger nails, nice eyebrows and eyes"
"I personally like a nicely trimmed beard. Scraggly beards look horrible IMO."
Hear Me Coming
"Do y'all ever wear heels just to hear the clip-clopping of them on the pavement like you're the main character in a movie? Because that's what I'd do if I wore heels, and I wish to know if there's a woman out there whose brain is on my wavelength or if this is just me."
"Yup. but the feeling is stronger when walking in a fancy building"
"I choose my heels by a) how they look b) how they sound. If they are quiet, I don’t usually get them."
Exactly! What's the point of quiet heels?
Thanks to the ladies of Reddit for sharing their responses to some of these Redditor's questions.
Do you have anything to add? Let us know in the comments below.
I've never dated someone older.
Just hasn't happened.
I'm not averse to it, but I'd feel more comfortable with someone closer in age.
I hear there are a ton of benefits, though.
Learning. Growing. Sharing.
It can be comforting to be with someone who has navigated life in certain ways already.
Redditor hotmomkaia asked:
"Men of Reddit! What are the advantages of dating an older woman?"
The Reddit community opened up about their dating experiences.
RandyOlivia Wilde Reaction GIFGiphy
"I've dated some older women who were frisky as hell."
"My girlfriend is only a few years older than me, but she is BY FAR the horniest I've been with."
Talk 2 Me
"The communication. An older woman that can communicate well will cut through the bulls**t and get straight to what she wants and expects. It’s refreshing as hell."
"Yeah agree. My GF and I are both in our late 50s. Had a long talk on the phone last night and spent some time talking about potential issues between us. Both of us have come out of long and not particularly pleasant marriages."
"We each have low maintenance adult kids. We both have our own places so we don't have to be in each other's space all the time. We are both financially secure so if we want to spend money on some together time then we just do it. I wouldn't have it any other way."
"Older women play less mind games than younger women do. They're more straight up, and often know what they want. The difference between an older woman flirting and a younger woman flirting, in my experience, is night and day."
"Younger woman flirting: 'Hey I like your hair, can I touch it?' Older women flirting: 'I am absolutely swooning over you. If I wasn't married, you'd be with me tonight.'"
"I've been with a few older women, I have also dated women of a closer age. In my personal experience I will say that older women communicate much more, don't have unrealistic standards, they have a lot more experience both in life and the bedroom. The biggest one of all is that older women are just super hot! Is there anything I've missed?"
Eat Updinner GIFGiphy
"She knows where/what she wants to eat."
"Right, but she still won’t tell you."
The food argument has been the downfall of many a couple. Just pick a place!
She KnowsGrowth Growing GIF by Insecure on HBOGiphy
"Maturity. It’s night and day. Most older women actually have their lives together and don’t play the childish game of validation."
"When I was 18 I dated a 28 year old for about a year. I wasn't a virgin, but my experience up until then was just awkward teenage sexual stuff. She taught me the value of the non-sex parts of a sexual relationship. How to listen and learn what your partner enjoys and how to communicate what you enjoy. She helped mature my views on relationships, foreplay and sex in ways that someone my age wouldn't have been able to."
"I’m not dating an older woman but I am in a sexual friendship with a 49 year old mom (we have an agreement that the sex will stop but the friendship will continue if either of us get in a serious relationship). She is extremely good at responding to text messages and being on time. She even apologized for being five minutes late one time. I love this about her because most people I know can’t freaking answer their phone."
"Depends what you are after but I found that there was less pressure of 'is this going to be long term' as you both have realistic expectations up front and know that will not change. Generally because of that, I found there was never any drama and just honest conversations. With one, she would actually talk about what sort of woman she saw me ending up with one day. No jealousy, just an understanding that we were enjoying each other's company for now."
Helping Mearchivesontario yes GIF by Archives of Ontario | Archives publiques de l'OntarioGiphy
"I'm not dating an older woman, mainly because I'm married to one."
"She is 5 years older than me, but it sometimes seems like a much bigger gap when you account for maturity level."
"She's actually helped me do a better job of understanding and managing my emotions, which is nice."
"Perhaps more confidence, steadiness, realism, honesty to themselves and others, fewer illusions and less sensitivity to influence. All just generalisations from my own experience. I don't have mommy issues or anything but I feel more comfortable and equal with slightly older women. I know myself pretty well, I'm pretty independent and I'm not being pushed either."
Love who you love.
Age is only a number.
Do you have any experiences or lessons to share? Let us know in the comments below.
Sex and love.
The heart, the brain, and the body can fall into a "love daze."
Maybe because we've been taught to place too much importance on these matters.
Life can be very fulfilling with love and very complete without them.
But Reddit had a few things to say about dispelling some common misconceptions.
Redditor These-Froyo2242 asked:
"What are some misconceptions about sex or relationships that many people believe?"
Love and sex are misconceptions in general.
Not a FixDont Touch Me Go Away GIF by One ChicagoGiphy
"That your relationship problems or lack of sex gets better when you get married. LOL."
"Or have a child! Yeah cause the incredibly hard task of keeping a tiny human alive will most def help a failing relationship!"
"Getting a girlfriend will not automatically make your depression and self hatred magically disappear."
"At the time I didn't know I had chronic depression so I was confused too. When puberty started my happiness was gone. I had no friends so I thought friends would fix me."
"I got amazing friends and even if I had wonderful adventures with them when I was home alone I cried every time. Then started to think I just needed a gf... And when I had one, the most amazing girl in the world I still felt empty and sad. She suffered a lot because she noticed my struggle and I was an idiot. She left me without knowing how much I loved her."
"That you won't ever have a fight or argument, that it's easy peasy lemon squeezy."
"Yes, but how you disagree matters a lot. Arguments should not devolve into name calling, extended shouting matches, or berating, and it's GOOD to take breaks to calm down/regulate if you're upset. And if one partner is regularly berating the other it's a really really bad thing and not a 'typical argument.'"
"That you have to put up with bulls**t just because it's a relationship. People seem to think it's normal to put up with someone giving you grief just because you're going out with them. Don't put up with behavior in relationships that you wouldn't expect from a best friend."
"To an extent. I think relationships are more complex than that. It can bring out a different side of you when it's a life partner that you feel you need to trust and count on and vice versa. What matters is that you both acknowledge faults, issues and work through them together to improve."
Unhealthynew girl help GIFGiphy
"Drama = passion. That's unhealthy. Be happy in contentment."
"I always hated that the TV show New Girl fell into this trap. They put the main character into the healthiest relationship she has in the whole show then... she dumps him because they never fight? Yeah that's a healthy message to the audience."
Don't use movie and TV love as a blueprint.
Be YouTreat Yourself GIF by blackbearGiphy
"That how my partner sees or treats me is a reflection of how desirable or lovable I am. Nah. If someone doesn't appreciate you or isn't attracted to you, that's about them. Don't change yourself for other people. Be your own person. Love yourself."
"Sex should be fun and natural, and it's ok and not a problem if your partner, says not tonight I'm knackered from work. They still want you they still want to be with you. They are just tired from work, but people get too hung about sex in a relationship. Yes it's definitely a huge part of the closeness in a relationship, but your relationship shouldn't be defined on sex alone."
"If you are just in it for your own pleasure, it’s gonna be bad sex. Sex is a team sport."
"Say it louder for the people in the back please. Last person i was with wanted to do it all the time, but I didn't always have the same energy. he started complaining about me not putting in the effort and I'm like... we just screwed 4 hours ago idk what you expect."
"Also, as a woman, that being desirable is the ultimate goal for a healthy and pleasing sex life. My sexual experience is so much more than my body and it's appearance/desirability. Sex should be mutually pleasing. As women, I think we are fed a lot of crap about what being sexy means. It's good to unpack all of that and ask yourself what YOU want."
Like A...like a virgin madonna GIFGiphy
"It's okay to be a virgin. It should not be stigmatized."
"Absolutely. For years I thought I was broken because I was a virgin in my mid 20s. When I finally lost it when I was 28, I wondered why everyone made such a big deal about it."
All Sizes Welcome
"It’s okay to be average sized in the pants. Many women have said they prefer average."
"Penis size and confirmation gets talked about all the time, but there’s also a lot of variation in labial and vaginal size and conformation. Physical sexual compatibility relies a lot on how those sizes relate and to be honest the rest of your anatomy and preferred sexual positions also tie in to it."
There's quite a lot to unpack here! It seems that open honest communication between partners is best.
Do you have any wisdom to share? Let us know in the comments below.