Biggest lie of the millennial childhood...not capitalism, the other one...

Sea Monkeys. When I was little, I ordered some from the back of a comic book. I thought they would look like the picture, a nuclear family who would interact and talk to me. Unfortunately, they were turned out to be very nonsentient brine shrimp. It was very anticlimactic.”

No_Administration681

“The caked on makeup just isn't necessary...”

“Jeffery stars liquid lipstick. It dried the sh*t outta my lips and felt Hella uncomfortable. I only wore it once. It was so hyped up a couple years ago. Also tarte eyeshadow pallets are acceptable for the price. I bought a couple and was like....eh. I just buy colourpop now.”

“Also any foundation feels bad on my skin. I have spent hundreds on so many different foundations. Beauty filters on YouTube need to stop.”

“I don't wear foundation now. The caked on makeup just isn't necessary for 90% of people, and is a way to sell way too much makeup by making you feel bad about how your skin looks, with texture etc.”

Turtbergs

“...had to nearly rip my nipple off to get the bra off of me.”

“Anyone remember those sticky cup strapless-backless bras? The ads were all over Facebook and Instagram for a while. I eventually gave in and bought one.”

“The whole point of them in the ads was like pull the string in the middle to give yourself instant mega cleavage, and you can wear it under strapless/ backless clothes. Unfortunately, pulling your boobs together into ultra mega cleavage just means it makes the volume of your boobs flatter to pull them closer together, and since all it had was skin to stick to, and nothing but stickiness to hold it up, it was not very supportive.”

“It was sticky enough for one proper use, but even still, the edges peeled away from my skin pretty quickly. There is a little cutout in the middle that's not sticky. That's where the nipple is meant to go.”

“My nipples did not naturally or comfortably line up with those holes, so I had this incredibly sticky bra suction cupped to my tit, and had to nearly rip my nipple off to get the bra off of me.”

“After that, it is impossible to wash and store anywhere. The sticky surface becomes slick when wet, but goes back to sticky when it gets dry (but never as sticky as the first time).”

“It has to air dry because towel fibres will get stuck on it, and it wouldn't survive a trip through the washer and dryer. It cannot be stored in a drawer, or touching any material because fibres will get stuck on it, and it cannot be stored face up with nothing covering it because dust will get stuck on it, thereby rendering it un-sticky until you wash it again, and air dry it again, and store it wrong again, rinse and repeat until you throw it in the garbage.”

SallyTwoSocks

It wasn’t any better for the next person...

“I wore one clubbing once and let me tell you, worst decision ever. One minute I'm dancing on a podium with a couple of friends, then I just feel it unstick all at once and drop out the bottom of my dress.”

“I subtly kick it off the podium hoping nobody noticed and then 30 seconds later I turn around to a group of 18 year old guys holding it up to their chests and dancing, absolutely losing it. Thankfully I don't think they knew it was mine.”

disgruntled_pelican

Are they still around?

“Sears ‘best"’canister vacuum cleaner. It was expensive, but lasted a few days over one year and quit (with only light household use).”

“Sears wouldn't stand behind it. The cost of parts and repair was greater than the cost of the vacuum cleaner. No wonder Sears is in trouble.”

Back2Bach

People Explain The Worst Thing That's Ever Happened To Them On Their Birthday

“Your house will smell like sh*t.”

“Cloth diapers. My god some of these parents have to stop raving about how amazing cloth diapers are. They are at best an ok alternative to disposable diapers."

“Things I was told about cloth diapers. Less blowouts, less rashes, better for the environment, cheaper. Most of these just depend on your child. And honestly I found most of these false."

“Things they don't tell you. Your house will smell like sh*t. You will constantly be doing laundry. When you're out of the house you'll be carrying around a dirty diaper. If the baby hates being wet you'll constantly be changing them. Daycares don't take them. Babysitters hate them. Diaper changes take way longer!"

“More power to any parent who uses. Like seriously god bless you. But they have some major downsides and I'll happily take Pampers over cloth."

cleaning-meaning

Kinky.

“A garden hose that was ‘unkinkable’, I paid extra for the guaranteed kink free feature. It kinked up like a motherfugger.”

Hamfiter

Not always a great investment...

“Nearly everything i bought on Kickstarter/Indiegogo. if i got the product at all, they're almost always low quality and don't do what they said they would. some products would ship but the company goes under within a year or two so no more support or replacement parts.“

DaveinDigital

Nearly finished him!

“When I was around 9, I got really convinced by their $5m marketing campaign with Mortal Kombat that the Aura Interactor was going to be awesome. It was basically a haptic feedback backpack that converted bass sounds to rumbles and was supposed to make video games super immersive.”

“I was actually nervous that it was going to hurt me, like actually feel like I was being punched. I (somehow) convinced my mom to buy it, set the thing up, and ten minutes later I smelled smoke and then saw the smoke coming from the Interactor on my back.”

KuhlThing

Why didn't I know this as a broke college student!?

“Most of my academic books. All the pdfs are available online“

tellmeaboutyourselfu

“Coach refused to fix it...”

“Coach handbag. The strap broke after a few months and Coach refused to fix it (after I brought it back and the receipt to the store where I had purchased it). I bought an inexpensive replacement strap that lasted longer. After less than a year, there was evident wear at the seams. I have not purchased anything from Coach again.“

KitsuneRouge

Pay-to-win MMOs!

“ArcheAge. I remember it being marketed as "sandbox MMO with realistic player-driven economy". There was a pack that let you into alpha, a pack that let you into beta, and a pack that let you into few days of early access.”

“All of the packs contained nothing but some cosmetic items irrelevant to the economy. The alpha was good. The beta was good. But with the final release, they fired up the cash store with such extreme pay-to-win...”

Odin_Allfathir

You mean infomercials lied to us?

“I bought the slap chop, pure garbage. It literally exploded upon use as directed. No flames or anything, but all the parts came apart and went flying."

switchpickle

“I saw the commercials for it once and got all excited telling my SO about it. She, the person that actually cooks, informed me that you still had to cut everything small enough to fit in the thing plus that you now have a bunch more sh!t to clean after you're done cutting vegetables."

.lAnd now you're telling me there's also shrapnel to worry about. Good thing I didn't buy it."

time_to_reset

About the grossest thing on this thread.

“Ear Wax candles. After laying on the floor like an idiot with a flaming burning candle in my ear, I took a minute to actually think about the process...fools gold.”

Ireallydontknowbuddy

“I had to return the first one I bought...”​

“I bought a platform bed on the recommendation of the Wirecutter. They had this whole big spiel about how they test sh*t, this is the best affordable option, blah blah blah. I had to return the first one I bought because it came scratched up.”

“The second one is just a plain, cheap platform bed. I don't think there's anything about it different from what I could have gotten from just hunting down the cheapest version of the product.”

stink3rbelle

“An ‘indestructible’ dog bed. Even claimed it could withstand bulldogs. Well, my bulldog tore out the rod that propped it open, which turned out to be flimsy plastic. Within a week, she had torn off a zipper, and ripped the filling out. I was more angry at the company for making such false claims than my under one year old dog.”

SarcasticSilvenstar

“Cable TV. More of a service than a product. Spent the past 5 years without it. Had it for 2 months and there is nothing worth watching.“

Kimi-Matias

“I had cable tv for a couple of years. Then I'd turn on the TV and within 5 seconds I recognize the episode as one I'd already seen which, of course, is followed up over the next few hours with ones I'd already seen. Travel channel isn't even about travel anymore and there are a lot of shows on Animal Planet that aren't even about animals. It is like every channel specialized and then changed direction.”

TbonerT

Should have known not to trust that guy...

“My Pillow. It's the worst pillow I've ever used, it is a cotton bag of these foam tetris type blocks, there are 3 levels of firmness based on how many blocks the pillow has. I ordered the firmest level and the pillow was like 1/3 full. It was a totally useless pillow.”

“The return process requires an RMA and they take 20% or something for "restocking". So obviously that's their business plan, sell a cheap overpriced product w heavy advertising, make it hard to return so most people don't bother and charge a restocking fee even if they do return it.”

raddaddio

The most useless of them all...

“I bought my first planner ever in January 2020. I was going to start school again and thought ‘yea I'll get a planner to really get my life together’. Little did I know the universe had other plans so now it's just a book full of scribbled out meetings and cancelled conferences.”

hundredblocks