I have never been a fan of haunted houses. I even skip the Haunted Mansion ride at Disney World. I think it's because there was a "haunted" townhouse that was on the block I lived on in childhood.
It languished there for years.
Sometimes local crazies and addicts would break in and set up shop. And then there would be an onslaught of insanity.
Of course during summer nights playing we kids would always dare one another to go in. I never could.
So I got labeled a coward. But hey, better a coward than a corpse.
Redditor whales-are-cute wanted to gather up tales about the times some houses got us spooked by asking:
"Redditors who lived in old/haunted houses, what's your mysterious story?"
I do believe spirits roam the halls of buildings. And that is just freaky.
That's why I like to research places before I move in. There is this fabulous luxury building on the Upper West side of Manhattan. People would kill to live there.
But that's because they don't know people were killed trying to leave there. It was an insane asylum shutdown by the city.
So I'll skip it thanks.
"I need sleep"
I was staying in an apt over an old theatre in a mining town. Apt was easily 60' above the street.
Halloween Lights GIFGiphyWoman, blue hued, in long dress... just appears in my peripheral vision. I turn to look... And she does the same. We meet eyes while she pauses there watching me. She then walks across the room and out the front wall of the apt over the street. I look out the window and nothing.
I'm like "I need sleep."
I mention this to owner and he explains there was a balcony there but it was lost in a fire decades ago where a woman died trying to escape said fire. Now it's a solid wall where a doorway was. He just added "long blue dress?"
Like bro... things you could have mentioned in the housing ad!
"You are in my realm"
We live in a 150 year old farmhouse. The first week we lived here, my iPhone was sitting 5 or 6 feet away from me, hadn't been touched in a while (like 20 minutes or more) and Siri just said "You are in my realm." There was no history of the phone saying this, or of any activity.
A few months later, my cat woke my up, waited at the foot of my bed and kept meowing until I got out of the bed.
She went to the top of the stairs, and waited until I followed. Followed her downstairs and she just sat in the middle of the room. I checked a few things to make sure something hadn't caught fire or whatever, while she just sat in the middle of the room looking up the staircase.
The house was SO quiet it was eerie and disturbing, usually something makes a noise in this place. I turned around to go upstairs, and thought I stood in something wet and bent over to check, but it was just a weird spot that was so cold, I thought my socks were wet. When I stood up, I felt a hand on my right shoulder. Nobody was there.
Doors occasionally open, and TV remotes constantly go missing. We've lost I think 5 now, and have never found one. Every single piece of furniture has been removed from the TV room during renovations, so it's not like something ended up in a void under the couch.
Two years ago, I was at a flea market and bumped into a former co-worker I hadn't seen in quite a while (who ended up living just around the corner). She pointed at a couple and said to go introduce myself, as they lived in our house in the 80s. I introduced myself, said I live in their old house and they immediately asked how the ghost was doing! Apparently it had a thing for TV remotes back then as well.
Former Flat Earthers Explain What Finally Made Them Come Around | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
Science is science. Fact is fact. Truth is truth and simple is simple. These are things we must now attest to in 2021. Can we please all get onboard with wha...Be Not Afraid
My Dad was killed before I was born. When I was still in elementary school, I would feel someone tightening the cover on my bed at night. I would look around the room and didn't see anyone. When I told my Mom, she told me it was my Dad tucking me in. She said that he wanted me to be a girl.
Also sometimes I would be out flying in the sky like the birds on his back. He would bring me back home when it would get dark. Then I would wake up and look around the room, and go back to sleep. It didn't scare me.
Just Run!
I moved into a house built in the 1890s several years ago. A few weeks after moving in, before meeting any neighbors, I heard heavy footsteps coming down the attic steps outside my bedroom. I then heard footsteps on the staircase for the first/second floor, and someone say my name.
My husband was 30 miles away, nobody in town knew me or had access to my house, and there was nobody outside at the time. I grabbed my baby, phone and keys, and ran outside to wait. We searched the house top to bottom and never found anything, but I've heard the footsteps multiple times. We have no upstairs plumbing or hvac, so it remains unsolved.
I've also heard music playing downstairs, talking to previous owners this was common. It's just commonplace now, and we don't always have stuff going on. A lot of major remodeling has been done, so I guess maybe that's why it's happening. Honestly the repairs are scarier than anything else.
He left a bunch of furniture including a rocking chair with a matching rocking leg rest.
So one night I came downstairs for a late-night snack had to been after midnight and I was the only one down there, and there is this rocking chair and leg rest just rocking away all by themselves in sync.
See now I think some of y'all need some good sage. Or some nice mantras and perhaps an exorcist. Or a shaman. Try a few different things. See what works. Because that is all a lot of nonsense right there.
He's Here
We would hear foot steps downstairs or upstairs when no one was there.
Some guy died in the house.
Nothing else weird though.
ghost hunters gh GIF by SYFYGiphyI Hear Her
I lived in an old house with my dad after he was divorced. Money was tight, and he lectured me many times to not leave any electronics on so the electric bill wouldn't be outrageous.
In the mornings, I would stand in the living room looking out the window, waiting for my ride for school to drive by.
Only one home, house totally silent. Suddenly start hearing a woman talking, but very muffled. I would compare it to the sound of someone talking on a phone way on the other side of the house.
I thought the TV was on. Bent down and hit the power button only for the TV to turn on. Wtf? I look at the phone, thinking maybe it was on. Nope. Checked radios, etc. Nothing is on.
Walk back into the living room and listen closely. Sounds like a woman having a conversation with someone.
They're talking about sewing needles and materials. Sounds like it's coming from the other side of the room, so I walk closer to hear better. The voices now sound like they're on the other side of the room I just came from.
That was when my hair stood on end. That moment you realize something isn't normal. Quickly ran outside and waited for my school ride lol.
Got home and told my dad about it. He told me he also heard a woman's voice one morning while working out, but it sounded distant and conversational. He didn't want to tell me because he didn't want me to be scared by myself in the house.
I still think about it today and it was a very baffling experience.
Back in the Day
My sister and I were just reminiscing the other day about this house we grew up in. We lived in a townhouse in a complex of low income rental homes for most of our childhoods. Very bad vibes in general, none of the three of us kids were ever alone in any part of the house at any time because we were dead terrified to be.
I peed the couch once because my mother refused to accompany me upstairs to the washroom, and I was too scared to go alone. The house was built more upwards that outwards so it was a long tall steep staircase and long hallways. The bathroom was at the end of the hallway, and you had to cross the hall at the top of the stairs to turn on the hall light.
We've collectively experienced a few events ranging from bad feelings, recurring nightmares, strange occurrences, to apparitions. Strange events include my sister sleepwalking to the top of the stairs and screaming at the top of her lungs that I was going to die. She never did sleepwalk again and to her chagrin, I am alive and well.
Apparitions include the man sitting at the dining room table the morning of my birthday, and the child in the stairwell window that had no landing to stand on beneath it.
That was the only time we saw our parents acknowledge we had a problem, because we were looking at it from outside the house. We were the driveway, all 5 of us and our dog in the car after a camping trip. We stayed with family friends that night.
The Black Mass
There were poltergeists in the apartment where I was living. We were three flatmates, one guy that did not believe in anything paranormal, and me and my best friend. I started hearing noises at night, our two bedrooms were side by side and there was something knocking from her side, like something made of glass. We investigated, turned out it was the bottles she kept in her room shaking by themselves at night.
Got worse later. Some of her clothes were teleporting to my room when we were outside together. One day I was spending a week alone there, I heard my keys shaking on the door when I was trying to sleep. The morning after, I found the strap (5 centimeters long?) of my keys completely and tightly wrapped around the ring that was holding my keys together.
Same day, there was a black mass in the corridor and the curtain of the bathtub was moving by itself, I still remember the sound it was making on the metal pipe. Nearly got an anxiety attack, I called my best friend and she came back early from her holidays to stay with me. My dad called a medium and a lady to make a spiritual cleanse.
Not the Basement
I actually lived in a house that was haunted, but I don't know if it was a "bad" haunted.
Tobe Hooper Poltergeist GIFGiphyMy mother told me when I was kid, she was getting me ready to go out and I was looking at something and talking. I said it was my great mother, mentioning her name. She was deceased before I was born so I never met her or knew she existed at that point in my life... (it was her old house).
Light bulbs used to pop and shatter every once in a while. The sinks and bath tubs would start running (with the knobs turned) every once in a while. The house is still in my family but nothing weird has happened in years.
I frequently have dreams about that house though, and it's always me being scared of the basement!
Moooo!!!
100 year old farmhouse.
I used to hear an odd bell like noise once in a while.
We lived in an old house around that age about 16 years ago. Lots of weird stuff happened in that house. Your comment reminded me about our really old mechanical doorbell that would randomly ring without anyone around it.
MJ?
Martha Jane (the woman who built the house in the 1800s) would creep up the steps every night to check on her 6 kids. I would yell at my mom and she would say... "Its just the ghost..." like this was completely normal.
ghost library GIFGiphyLight a Candle
An apartment I lived in years ago, was the scene of a triple homicide (drug thing). It had been about a year from the time of the murders and when I moved in. The place was professionally cleaned and building owner gave me a great deal due to what had happened. GF at the time, who I never mentioned the circumstances to me getting a great place always said she was cold, especially at night.
It could be dead of summer and if she slept over, she would be under a blanket while I was on top of the covers sweating like a dog. She bought a candle from a Botanica and lit it because she said something bad must have happened there. I never told her about the killing.
Those Screams!
When I was about 4 yrs/old? My parents lived in an farm house. My two older brothers shared a bedroom upstairs. I slept in my parents room (I believe) which was downstairs. Both of my parents, and both of my brothers, claim that the story is true.
On various nights, in the dead of night, the window in my brother's room would suddenly fly open. The room to their door would open and shut. Then there would be footfalls on the landing (think open walkway that looks down onto the living area) towards the stairs. The footfalls would then go down the stairs.
When my parents heard my brothers scream, then the footfalls on the landing, they would rush towards the stairs just to see... nothing. The footfalls always ended at the bottom of the stairs.
We didn't live there long and finally moved into another house.
Woof!
I don't live in an old house, I live in an apartment building that is 11 years old. There's a ghost in my apartment.
White Dog GIFGiphyDon't experience it very often but on occasion it will turn on my iPod. Occasionally there will be scratching coming from the craft room door. And every now and then you will hear a growl. Once saw what seemed to be a small white dog dash behind my sofa; I checked and both of my doggos were sleeping on a chair on the other side of the room.
Same time, Same Place...
My house and my house before this, both were very old, my best friend's great grandpa lived in my current one. I'll just say what happens here. Everyday, at 2:30PM to 3:00PM, I'll hear banging underneath my floorboards as if someone is under the house and trying to get help/trying to get me underneath to kill or kidnap me. I constantly feel watched through my windows as if my neighbor is looking at me while I'm dancing or getting dressed or anything.
My dogs will be walking out of my room and just randomly look down the hall as if someone is walking there, but nobody would be in that vicinity/would be home with me. And just last night, I put my hand near the edge of my bed and something that wouldn't move if my hand moved had moved and touched the palm of my hand.
Not Funny
Currently live in "haunted" house, and we have had the usual happen: doors opening/closing by themselves, voices when no one is around, shadow people. The one thing that takes the cake though is the damn pizza! We were having dinner and watching television when a slice of pizza lifted up and flipped over toppings down and then flipped back over the other way! I'm still scratch my head at how or why this happened.This sounds like a bad joke but trust me it isn't.
What I See
A light in my house kept coming back on when I had turned off-couple who formerly had that room were dead.
Felt Someone brush past me in condo, former tenant had died.
Saw a man's face with long hair and old style clothes on my TV, realized the TV was off.
Had a problem with my son, saw him in front of me on a sofa smiling at me, that spooked me!
When my oldest brother died, I was not able to attend his funeral, he appeared, smiling in a blue shirt. He was buried in a blue shirt. Was very comforting to me. ❤️
I don't know why I see and dream things.
the old gal...
My grandparents house has a ghost of an old lady that literally sits in the corner of the guest room and knits. I've only seen her twice and both times only frightened me because I never expect to see her.
old lady ghost GIF by South Park GiphyThe Crying
I lived in my parent's guest house when I was younger one night my kids were crying in the other room and I got up to check on them and they were on a bunk bed when I went in their room 2 shadow figures were leaning over them and turned to me I screamed and ran towards them grabbed them with the shadow figures beside me and ran out I never screamed like that or felt fear like that before.
I will never understand how people actively seek out places like these to live in.
Some people get excited at the prospect of living in a haunted space.
No thank you. My sleep schedule is already bad enough.
Go spook someone else please.
I'll gobble up pretty much anything.
But I do have my limits.
All people have culinary limitations.
Some menus, as fabulously touted as they are, just don't do it for everybody.
Everything popular is not everybody's cup of tea... or cake, for that matter.
Redditor Complete-Sweet5222 wanted to discuss the menu, so they asked:
"What is the most overrated cuisine?"
I won't do french cuisine. No snails. No way.
That's just me.
Fancy Schmancy
Chrissy Teigen Cupcake GIF by Billboard Music AwardsGiphy"Fancy cupcakes. Every ‘designer’ cupcake I’ve had has been incredibly dry. I just don’t get why they charge $5-$10 per serving, but the quality of the cake is below a Walmart sheet cake."
ThoseArentCarrots
"I make cupcakes sometimes. Over baking and day old baked products tend to dry out. A lot of the fancy desserts take time to build, which means the cupcakes have been sitting out for a while."
Stinkerma
Shock
"Not really a cuisine per se, but ‘shock food.' You know those giant milkshakes with whole slices of cake and candy on top, or quadruple cheeseburgers with so much cheese it’s running everywhere. It’s just not practical/tasty and really only exists to get a cool picture."
viillanelles
"I made the mistake of getting one of those milkshakes exactly once. It was fun to get and then you realize you just paid 20 bucks for a normal milkshake and grocery store sheet cake."
ceigetank
Be Simple
"Complicated burgers. Some a good but others have far to much on to eat without disassembly or using a knife and fork."
MedicalUprising
"Also I hate when they have overly elaborate names. I want to verbally order a cheeseburger, not the ‘big wet sloppy double daddy burger.'"
Guava_
"I totally agree. I hate being embarrassed to order something. There used to be an ice cream shop that had funky names for sizes. I had to stop going because I could not stop giggling at having to say 'no, I don’t want a zinger, I would like a zooper.”
bakay138
Premiums...
"Our family has been restaurant investors for 40 years. High end French cuisine using offal or organ meats."
"These dishes are pushed because the costs of these types of meats are very low and produce a huge profit margin. Also, the lack of experience with guests cooking these types of dishes for themselves mean very few patrons complain about authenticity. Usually a chef will throw his/her twist in the menu."
"Most customers can tell the difference between a great pizza and a mediocre one. They'll remember a great steak - but a restaurant may be paying huge premiums to fly that Waygu in from Japan or for your Flintstone tomahawk. Whereas, a local butcher shop will gladly unload offal and such with glee due to low demand. You'd be surprised as to how little we paid for cow brains for example."
rayrayrayray
No Silver?
gold GIFGiphy"Gold-flaked cuisine."
bushbeanbuddy
"God, why did it take me so long to realize you were talking about literal flakes of gold? I read this three times and thought, 'What a weird way to describe fried food.'"
bygollyollie
Gold is meant to spend not eat.
Price Point
Excited Winnie The Pooh GIFGiphy"The most expensive dishes. 'Yeah, man these diamonds sautéed in truffle oil and emerald dust are good, but do you have a cheeseburger?'"
gmen_forever
For All...
“'Something for everyone' restaurants. Anywhere where the menu has a ridiculously extensive offering. If I’m flipping multiple pages and not even halfway, I just know everything is about to taste questionable."
low_power_mode
"Several of my local Mexican restaurants have 8-page menus. All the dishes use some combination of tortillas, cheese, peppers, onions, avocados, beans, chicken, and beef, it's just the proportions and presentation that differ from one to another!"
MatttheBruinsfan
Pork Scents
"No cuisine, but I am sick of the whole 'bacon life' meme. It was funny for a couple of decades, but enough already. Bacon 'flavored' anything is disgusting."
SirReal_Realities
"One time in college I ordered bacon flavored popcorn."
"When I popped it in the communal microwave it smelled so awful that we had to open all the windows and evacuate until it had aired out enough for us to Febreze the rest away. It tasted like death. A couple guys threatened to beat me up if I popped any more. Some things just don't need to be bacon flavored. Popcorn is one of them."
Waffle_Maestro
Portions
"Rather than pick on a specific nationality or style of cuisine I'll talk about presentation."
"Any restaurant where portion sizes get smaller as the price goes up is the very height of epicurean pretentiousness. Like if they actually serve you enough food to be satisfied, it might as well be McDonald's."
"I spent a lot of years working in restaurants, and the ironic thing is what's on your plate is by far the smallest expense in serving that plate to you. There's no reason for tiny portions other than pretentious do*chebaggery."
McFeely_Smackup
Shrimp Then?
"Lobster. It’s fine, it’s just not really worth it’s cost imo. I also like eating it in things rather than by itself. The lobster rolls I had in Maine were much better than lobster straight up."
babythrottlepop
Food should be more affordable.
Do you have and foodie quibbles you'd like to add to the list? Let us know in the comments below.
We go to the movies to escape reality.
Nothing is more transportive than watching our favorite Marvel heroes face off with their nemesis in an epic battle or going to Middle Earth and following the journeys of different-sized protagonists.
While we may never truly experience their worlds in reality, there are other films deeply routed in real-life that are still a welcome distraction from the stresses of our daily lives.
But there's one thing that separates truth from fiction, and that is plausibility.
Moviegoers offered examples of the things that don't fly in real life when Redditor qbl256 asked:
"What only works in movies?"
Courtroom antics are better left up on the big screen.
Anything Goes In Court
"Doing whatever you want in a courtroom as long as you are 'going somewhere with it.'"
– aperson7780
Ignoring Protocol
"Any random person being able to walk up and present new evidence."
– shegedep
Respecting Boundaries
"Also, yelling at a judge and invading the judges personal space always works out ok."
– Slytherian101
Action movies are entertaining because of its heightened sequences that are more convincing on film.
Violent Tactic
"Conveniently knocking someone unconscious so they're not bothering you for several minutes while you do secret stuff. Without killing them or serious brain damage."
"Actually lampshaded in Archer."
– yParticle
Piercing Glass
"Jumping through shattering glass windows and surviving without lacerations all over."
– Glock43xyz
It's Lit
"Shooting a gas tank so it explodes."
"Or removing a bullet from yourself and then you're fine."
– midunda
The Perfect Aim
"Shooting a lock to open it is my favorite. Sure shooting a lock will break it, but you just broke it in the locked position. Now it’s even harder to open."
– Studio_Life
It's Such A Blast
"Running away from an explosion and letting the blast push you to safety."
– ImInJeopardy
Certain elements are added to elevate a scene–which only proves, "yeah, that's not real-life."
Sonic Aftermath
"A hushed conversation immediately after shooting a gun indoors without ear protection."
– KyOatey
Street Vendor At The Wrong Time & Place
"Someone pushing a fruit cart across a street just as you’re speeding by. I’ve never seen a moving fruit cart otherwise. Or seen a fruit cart, actually."
– Double-Elevator619
No Time For Recovery
"Running for a very long time and then being able to talk normally."
– Ruminations0
What I always get a kick out of is when the distressed character attempts to flee from a knife wielding, masked home intruder by running up the stairs instead of going out the backdoor.
Like, why make the escape route that much more difficult by adding another obstacle like jumping out the window or being trapped in the closet until the inevitable moment of death?
Oh, right, it extends the tense sequence to prolong the final moments of the soon-to-be victim.
Ah, gotta love the movies.
Sometimes we need a night out or to take a break from our cooking, and it's nice to go to a restaurant.
But from bad food to even worse service, there are details about the dining experience that can ruin the whole night out.
Redditor raymorude asked:
"What ruins a restaurant?"
Yelling at Your Date
"When the background music is too loud."
- CrystalQueen3000
"WHAT?!"
- ColoradoScoop
"WHEN THE BACKGROUND MUSIC IS TOO LOUD."
- CrystalQueen3000
Not to Mention Terrible Acoustics
"We went to a small restaurant that had a live band rocking out on a Wednesday night while a bunch of families tried to eat their dinners."
"We couldn't hear one another at our own table, couldn't hear the waitress, etc. Unsurprisingly, they went out of business."
"Live music is great if you're not eating in a shoebox-sized restaurant, and the band isn't trying to void the warranty on their speakers."
- dragon_wryter
Full Disclosure
"When they don’t put a price on the menu. It makes me not want to order anything just in case it comes out to $30 per dish, but I also feel embarrassed to ask for the price of each item."
- Theoldage2147
Over-Stimulating
"I personally like a dark and quiet atmosphere where I can sit in a high-backed booth and enjoy my meal with my family. Restaurants that are too open, too bright, and have loud music playing in the background ruin it for me personally."
- X_brokeham_X
"People underestimate how much atmosphere can make somewhere a lot less appealing."
"Once I found a chill, quiet, British-style pub with nice wooden booths and furniture where you could relax with a beer and actually talk to people, I realized why I hated going out before. I just needed a better atmosphere."
- PolkaWillNeverDie00
That Luke-Warm Feeling
"Slow service coupled to food not served hot enough because it's been sitting in the kitchen too long waiting to be delivered."
- Back2Bach
Hilariously Bad Food
"There's a famous restaurant in Denver called Casa Bonita that had legendarily bad food. I went there once as a kid, hated it, and never went back."
"But people love it and will try to convince you to go. If you point out that the food is terrible, they will even agree with you but say that it's worth it for the atmosphere. And I'm always like, it's a RESTAURANT! Who cares about the atmosphere if the food is terrible?!"
"I heard a few years ago that it's under new ownership. No idea if the food got any better."
- KatieCashew
Just... Bugs.
"A lot of good answers here but bugs top them all for me. The restaurant could have a 10/10 atmosphere, food, drinks, waitstaff, etc… but if I’m trying to swat flies away from my face and food every 10 seconds, my experience is ruined."
"I’ve left places due to this. One of my favorite places in a downtown area has an amazing outdoor patio, but there’s a bee problem there they refuse to deal with. It’s a deal breaker!"
- Strongbad23
Declining Food Quality
"Cutting quality to save money. Sometimes prices need to change, I get that as frustrating as it can be (and in all fairness that can ruin a restaurant for me just because of my budget, but I think that's an exception), but cutting quality to save money doesn't just make your food worse, it makes your image worse to your regulars."
- ParkityParkPark
Young Diners
"Children on loud devices, so d**n annoying."
- Salt_Section_651
Too Many Options
"A menu that's way too freaking big, saying this as a food service worker."
- N1hili
Not Enough Choices
"When you see a menu with like four items to choose from, you better believe all four options better be perfectly delicious."
- zuck_my_butt
So Fast-Paced
"I personally can’t stand when the bussers or servers are going at 100% speed. Makes me feel anxious and like I need to be eating quicker."
"I worked at a restaurant like this and they were borderline abusive and my coworkers would literally be sprinting around trying to get 10 things done at once. I prefer a relaxing environment and I’ll wait a bit longer to get my food."
- reignthepain
Not All Karaoke is Good Karaoke
"I went to a small restaurant that I've liked before. For some reason, the owners decided to put up a karaoke machine in the middle of the place. With the size of the place and how loud the machine was, you could hear everything at any table."
"We sat down, heard a kid trying to sing 'Let It Go' full-blast and all decided to leave."
- KingOfSheepX
Unhappy Staff
"When they don't treat/pay their staff well. You can tell, especially if you've worked in the industry, and it seeps into every aspect of the place. You can practically feel it oozing out of the walls."
- Hey_Its_Crosby
Nightmare Fuel
"Waitstaff walking towards me carrying a cake and singing Happy Birthday..."
- ccl_now
While dining out can be an awesome experience, there are obviously things that can ruin the whole vibe. But it's clear from these diners that there are certain details that will be a deal breaker, no matter what.
People Break Down What Absolutely Ruins A Good Burger For Them
Most people love a good burger, and many, many American restaurants serve them, but not all burgers are created equal.
Super tall burgers that are hard to eat, way too much sauce (or only a tiny bit of sauce on the middle of the bun), soggy lettuce — there are lots of ways to ruin a burger.
Redditor TheKeyMaster365 asked:
"What Instantly Ruins A Burger For You?"
Bad Tomatoes
"Nothing kills a burger faster than a bad tomato"
- EccentricEngineer
"Tomato can be okay if you're eating it right now but tomato on it togo burger or sandwich almost always makes the bread soggy."
- sploittastic
"I don't object to the taste of tomato in a burger, but I despise the actual tomatoes themselves. They're too slippery, so they always end up squeezing out and, somehow, falling on anything except the plate."
- AmazingSpacePelican
"When the tomato has that hard area in the middle (the core I guess?). Gross."
- breadfan1988
Lack of Structural Integrity
"Poor construction. When it flies out the other end. Stick everything together with a blob of sauce."
- IAmStevie420
"Too much sauce can make the bun disintegrate and it becomes a soggy mess."
- caligaris_cabinet
"You’ve identified an important problem but I’m not sure about the effectiveness of the proposed solution"
- aspannerdarkly
Too Much Sauce
"I do enjoy sauces on a burger, but to a point. If I end up having to hold a soggy mess, I'm not going to enjoy the burger nearly as much."
"Also tall burgers. The two also go together to make an awful burger experience"
- krispyboiz
"If I have to wipe/clean my hands after every bite, it is an unpleasant experience."
- meatpipeline
"I hate it when the first bite launches a glob of sauce out the other end."
- Mataraiki
"I feel the same way and thought I was in the minority. If I pick up a burger, take a bite, and immediately need 4-5 napkins, it's not worth it."
- CrochetyNurse
Old Lettuce
"Watery old lettuce. One time I got a burger with terrible lettuce.. it tasted like it came straight out of a lake.. from then I avoid that place saying 'they have lake lettuce.'"
- heckpants
"Limp, watery, garbage lettuce ruins so many things. If you can't get quality lettuce, please leave it off! Restaurants sneak it on without putting it on the menu and you can't just take it off because the wateriness has already soaked into everything else."
- fraud_imposter
Hard-boiled Egg
"I once ordered a breakfast burger that was advertised as having, among other toppings, 'egg.' I imagine a nice fried egg or at least a scrambled egg patty of sorts. No, the monstrosity that came out had a quartered, hard-boiled egg on it. Just terrible - what self-respecting chef would serve that?"
- jokinglyserious1
"Filing this under 'things that feel illegal'"
- theonelittledid
"As someone in the industry, a breakfast lover, and a burger lover, this is honestly one of the most offensive things I've seen on reddit."
- Starscream5
Runaway Patty
"When the patty slips out the other side."
- F35LTNG
"This is a corollary to the massive height complaint. Make a burger wide, not tall, and it won't slip out."
- soulcaptain
"PSA: The toothpick on top of your burger is not for decoration, but they are a functional tool to prevent the contents to fall out."
- moxedana02
Humans Can't Unhinge Their Jaws
"Being too big to fit in your mouth. Pointless. Might as well just throw it all on a plate, and call it 'deconstructed burger'"
- gallows4p0werm0ds
"Yeah, make burgers wider not taller."
- PPLifter
"If I gotta unhinge my jaw like a snake to eat something, I'm not ordering it. It's incredibly annoying and a lot of work. A burger should be a hand held food. If I need a knife and fork, what's the point?"
- megaloduh
"I’ve had a few burgers in my time where I have actually just taken it apart and put it on my plate to slowly eat. It is frustrating."
- TL3490
Soggy Buns
"Wet untoasted bun"
- Ruminations0
"Nothing worse than taking a bite of a soggy bun. Also the reason why I don’t like tomatoes in my burger"
- Pelagius_Hipbone
"Looking at you, Five Guys. $20 burger and it's not even toasted. They tell me it is, but why is it a soggy mess only a couple minutes after it was made?"
"Untoasted bread is acceptable, just a matter of choice. Now, a burger where bread is all soggy because there's tomato or wet lettuce touching it is almost a negligence by the person who made it."
- HYPERNOVA3_
Too Much Conversation
"People that want to talk while I'm eating a burger."
- BlowFrog303
"And then gets mad when you don't respond... Like can't you see I'm chewing?!.."
- IdkTheMeaningOfLife
"I have a mate who, whenever we go for a burger, all of a sudden feels the need to start asking me all these questions about my personal life as soon as I start eating:"
"'What your dad up to at the moment?'"
"'Have you been to your brother's house lately?'"
"'What sort of stuff has your mum been doing since she retired?'"
"'Is your brother still in touch with his ex?'"
"I'm one of those people who sort of gets into a zone while eating so firing a load of questions at me very much kills the 'vibe' I'm on!"
- thisishardcore_
My Wallet Hurts
"When they cost $20+"
- cuttingwoodisfun
"Yeah, I’m fine paying $20 if it’s something good. Bison burger for $18? F*ck yeah! Even just something like local grass fed beef. F*ck yeah!"
- UnbrandedContent
"I went to a burger place by me once, got a burger, loaded fries, and one beer. It wasn’t a sit down place, you order at the counter like it’s fast food but they give you a number to take and they bring your food to the table."
"It was $40. There’s a reason I only went once, and the burger was good but not $40 good."
- Old-Sor
"That does certainly make a burger, no matter how delicious, unappetizing 😵💫"
- TheKeyMaster365
Burgers Are Supposed To Be Boneless
"Bits of bone! I regularly bite down on these at Camino. I kept giving them the benefit of the doubt and tried again multiple times but I haven’t been back in a while because of it."
"This a the real answer. A chunk of bone will ruin your trust in burgers for a very long time."
- HubertFiorentini
"Wow! This brought back some repressed trauma. I bit into a burger over 20 years ago, and it had a bone chip in it. Biting into that (not expecting it) caused my tooth to crack. That tooth later became impacted and lead to the worst pain I have ever felt in my life. That was the worst burger by a long shot."
- rejectedstone
Why Is There So Much Bread?
"A dry bun or too much bun."
- mazlux
"100% … Bun to meat to topping ratio is paramount."
- djdaddyb
"Brioche. Brioche is a terrible choice for a burger bun and I don't understand why everyone is using it these days. Brioche is basically bread make with low-protein flour and lots of eggs."
"Also known as: CAKE, just drier and without any of the chew and texture of a properly made bread roll. Brioche sucks ass and that trend needs to die."
- RockleyBob
Cheese Should Be Melty
"Unmelted cheese - imagine taking your first bite and everything is warm and fresh, then your teeth hit a f*cking ice block."
- miraclechu
"this is why I dislike cheeseburgers. I avoid cheese on mine. and people think I’m f*cking weird."
- Synner40
Unwanted Toppings
"Pickles when I asked for no pickles."
- FrumundaMabawls
"And you can’t just pick em off. The whole fu*kin burger is contaminated if a pickle touches it."
- pyroboy101
"Same thing with mustard. No ... you can't just scrape it off."
- Beard_o_Bees
Making a good burger doesn't seem like it would be very hard, but there's a lot of ways things can go very wrong.
Now it's your turn. What absolutely ruins a burger for you? Let us know in the comments below.