Image by Tumisu from Pixabay

Does anything feel better than a good, old fashioned verbal slam?


These insults aren't to be used on any random occasion. Save these for a rainy day, the day when someone feels like it's okay to step up to you, make your life worse, or give you a hard time. Then, and only then, can we in good consciensce recommend you borrow one of these barbs, wield it like a hammer, and slam them into the ground.

Reddit user, u/sharktoothsoup, wanted to know how you shut people down when they asked:

What is your favorite insult?

There's nothing better than an insult so simple, they can process it in a matter of moments. The cherry on top of the slanderous cake is if they have to think on it the rest of the day, pondering its deeper meaning.

Let Them Know Where You Stand

"I envy people who don't know you.'

devraj7

Turn It Back On Their Family

"Everyone that loves you is wrong."

ChampionOfKhorne

Set Them Up. Knock Them Down.

"I already didn't expect anything from you and you still disappointed me."

DrC8H10N4O2

Listening Is Not Understanding

"I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you" is one I like to use when some dolt isn't getting a simple concept..."

nubsauce87

kids are brutal

Whether they know it or not, kids are some of the most brutal insult artists in all creation. Perhaps it lies in their ability to observe things without others knowing or perhaps it's their lack of a courtesy filter, but they've got the inside scoop on what makes you squirm and will shred you with adorable voices.

Creating A Hilarious Comparison

"My then 6 year old daughter was having a little jokey argument with my best friend, calling each other smelly etc. Out of nowhere she said he looks like a dropped pie."

"It floored me and I love reminding my buddy about it"

an_undercoverpirate

It's Not A Nice Nickname

"My Daughter was probably 4 at the time. Her Uncle farted and she started making fun of him, telling him he is stinky or something like that. He told her that she shouldn't tease someone for farting, since next time it might be her who farts. Her response:"

No, it will be you who will be farting, Fart Boy.

SnakeJG

As In She's Not Proud Of You

"I bet your mom doesn't put your coloring pages on the fridge."

"Was babysitting my 5 year old cousin and was just talking trash with the little dude, having fun, when he busts that that out. Hurts, man."

reynosomarkus

Do The Math

"My baby cousin was like 12 and she observed my very rotund brother and his very tall, skinny girlfriend and said genuinely, "You guys make a perfect 10!"

"May be the funniest unintentional insult I've heard."

mattatee

Cut them down.

No mercy.

That's what these are all about.

Confuse Them, Then Sow The Seeds Of Self-Doubt

"Hope your day is as nice as you."

"It works because it can go either way and double-shames them for choosing to be terrible."

CourtneyThurston

Too Cheap For Bills

"I'm from Germany, and one of my favorites is "Hartgeldnutte" which literally translates to hard money wh*re, meaning your such a cheap wh*re that you get paid in coins"

Castiell1987

Make Them Question Their Own Sanity

"I don't know what wrong with you, but I'm sure it's hard to pronounce."

docungurus

"Or the one from Monster House"

"I don't know what's wrong with you, but I'm sure it's got letters and that they make pills for it"

GimmeThePizza

The tools have been given to you to counter back against the jerks of the world. Use these wisely.

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