Sexual fantasies are hot because we don't have a prior memory of experiencing them to compare them with.
Redditor OperaGhostAD asked:
"What’s a sexual experience you thought you wanted but realized during or after that you really didn’t?"
These erotic activities didn't pan out as expected.
Unsolicited Cosplay
"I was seeing this girl for a short amount of time I am talking 3 dates. She asked me to come hangout at her place. We were in her room and start making out and then she got my clothes off and said she would be right back. I figured okay she might have to pee no big deal. She comes back in a panda onesie."
"She is giggling then climbs on top of me. She just keep giggling needless to say I was not really turned on and then she undoes a front flap and climbs on top. I am guy and I finish but I felt very awkward about the whole situation that I didn't want to continue with the relationship."
"I think I would have felt better if we had discussed that first but to spring it on me was weird."
"Yes, I had thought dressing up in costumes might be fun in my head but to see it in real life just didn't do it for me."
– Kthak_Back
Poor Gag Relfex
"Honestly… getting a blowjob from a specific ex"
"She always claimed her gag reflex was insane poor. Like unable to eat certain foods impossible to do."
"I didn’t believe her, and she challenged me, I had to clean the sheets but I’ll get a BJ, obviously I agree"
"Not even 5 seconds, she projectile vomits all over me and my dick, promptly with an 'I told you so' lol"
"We both laugh, and I never asked a BJ from her again"
– Philaharmic
Amateur Pornography
"Filming it. Those actors in the movies deserve some respect. We looked like two sea lions jumping on top of each other."
– Imarayofsunshinethx
Hitting Balls-Eye
"That thing where you hang backwards off of the bed and give head. Sounded super hot to me, so we decided to give it a go."
"About three seconds in I realized my mistake and that there was absolutely nothing sexy about his balls smacking me in the eyes."
– Pollowollo
Questionable Scenario
"Decided to try the whole... 'consensual non-consent' thing with an ex girlfriend of mine."
"Didn't really work. She just kept kicking and pushing me away and I found it extremely difficult to even get to her and keep her still, so eventually we just decided 'yeah... this isn't working' and did the deed normally haha."
– flameylamey
When it comes to sex, there can be a fine line between pleasure and pain. For these Redditors, it was the latter.
Ouch!
"Hot wax. I thought I could take the pain cause I like other kind of stuff."
"However it burned like a bitch, and ended up spilling all over my bed."
"0/10"
– Sanchezzy123
Size Matters
"I saw a gif of a girl f'king a bed post. I have bed posts. Tried, failed, scarred for life. Bed posts are way bigger than they seem."
– ciupiciu
Scratch That Itch
"I asked my ex to scratch my back once. She clawed the sh*t out of me and I was like, 'Actually, never do that again.'”
–EnshaednCosplay
Trying Out Bondage
"This woman wanted to restrain me. I thought why not, could be hot, she seems to know what she’s doing. As soon as the handcuffs went on I flipped the f'k out like a wild animal. It all surprised me. I was on a wooden chair and it got all smashed up. She unlocked me and it was instant relief. Now I know."
– TeamTigerFreedom
Olfactory Assault
"Eating a girl out from behind. She had an amazing body (still does) and it was awesome. Then without saying anything, she starts pushing my face away. I am very paranoid/worried about doing anything to make my partner uncomfortable, so I just pulled a few inches away from her butt and started to ask 'Are you ok?'"
"But then she let out a huge fart right as I was inhaling to speak. My nasal passages were open and this fart was forceful enough that I felt the hot, heavy gas hit the back of my throat and sink down. Then a few microseconds later, the smell hit me; full-on sh*t grade, permeating my sinuses. I starting choking and gagging and dry heaved a bunch."
"My girlfriend was so horrified she started crying. This was like 2 months into our relationship so she thought I was going to leave her, but as soon as the nausea wore off, I just started laughing because the situation was so funny. We bring it up all the time now and still laugh."
– RightToConversation
A couple and a plus one isn't an ideal scenario for everyone.
Three's A Crowd
"Threesome in college. Everyone said: 'We won’t get weird about it.'”
"THEY GOT WEIRD."
– FlamingTrollz
Chivalry Is Not Dead
"Almost w two dudes on a wild spring break trip in Florida. It was hot up until they got their condoms on and reality of what was happening hit. And then I freaked out a bit because I realized I didn’t want to go further. But I don’t think I even said stop, I think I just kind of froze and looked freaked out."
"I’ll never forget the gentle reassurance of the one young man. He quickly stopped, told the other dude 'hey man it’s off' and I wasn’t shamed or made to feel stupid or anything. We actually kept partying and partied the rest of the week together and had a great time."
"That guy was a stand up young man. Peak era of bro culture way before me too movement and he had full awareness of consent. 20 years later and I remember him!"
– merrythoughts
The Horrific Violation
"I worked with a girl and her husband would come in all the time. We worked at a restaurant so we were always drinking after. He told me he wanted me to f'k his wife while he watched. I thought it was a joke. He brought his wife over and she confirmed it. He was asking her to pick someone for a while, she picked me so I said sure. A couple weeks pass and they invite me over. They made dinner, fed me and gave me drinks. We go over any boundaries. Basically don't cum in her or on her. Ok whatever."
"I'm having sex with her and everything is good. It's weird because he's just sitting there jerking off and talking to himself about how he deserves this and it hurts to see his wife with another man. Every so often he'd tell us to switch positions and he'd go back to wallowing to himself. He'd say he can't watch, but he would watch. Anyway, I was going to cum so I pulled out and stopped and she grabbed me and finished me with her hand. I ended up cumming on her stomach a bit and the dude lost it. He ran over so fast and punched me so f'kin hard I collapsed. I was in a daze."
"I was already in cum euphoria and then almost knocked unconscious within 10 seconds. She starts screaming at him, he tries to drag me out of the room but I managed to get composed and handle myself. I'm f'kin naked with cum dripping out of me, lump on my head, ready to scrap. He starts yelling 'I said no cum!' She says it was her fault. He tells me to leave, so I get dressed real quick and head out."
"She calls me an hour later and apologizes. Says it won't be like that next time. Lmao next time? Nah. Guy has a nasty overhand right and was trying to drag my cummy, naked a** by the ankles like he was going to bury me. No next time. No more couples."
– Hocktober
Erotic engagement in public can be a huge adrenaline rush. Until it isn't.
What's The Buzz, Tell Me Where It's Happening
"Going out in public with one of those remote controled vibrators. The vibrating part kept shifting from where it should be while I was walking and I was SO paranoid about it slipping out and falling out my pants leg for me to enjoy how it felt."
– soup54461
Sex On The Wall
"Had sex on the Great Wall of China, at night under the stars. Was pretty romantic until we finished and realized there were workers cleaning the wall less than 20 ft from us who definitely saw and heard us and were politely waiting for us to finish so they could do their jobs."
– working_joe
Consequences Of The Mile-High Club
"Sex on a plane - Air NZ in the middle of the night. Both snuck to the washroom. Apparently the 'clapping noise' was very audible and not as quiet at we both thought. $1500 fine each and a one year ban from Air NZ."
"Edit: We we’re coming back from a month of backpacking and landed in Vancouver (on route to Manitoba) . The police didn’t seem to care at all but the TSA person seemed to take it personally so I believe that’s what the fine was so large."
– Greenleeman
These people came but didn't conquer, so to speak.
Oh well. You've got to give them points for at least trying to live out their sexual curiosities.
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We've all had a conversation with someone where they say something where they've said something incorrect or inaccurate.
Sometimes, our gut reaction is just to laugh, as it was an honest mistake, such as mixing up a pair of celebrities or misusing or mispronouncing a word.
Other times, we might feel the need to put them in their place and not only correct them but educate them.
Then there are the times when we have just heard something so shockingly inane that we are left completely and utterly speechless.
Redditor Moo1124 was eager to hear all the dumb things the Reddit community heard which left them dumbfounded, leading them to ask:
"What's the stupidest thing you've ever heard anyone say?"
Before You Denounce Something, Make Sure You Know What It Is
"'I don't believe in astronomy'."
"We asked her if she meant astrology, and she asked, 'which is the one where like, you can tell what stars are made of?''
"We confirmed that was astronomy'."
"'Yeah, I don't believe in that'."- octohog
That Explains All The Traffic Jams?
"That when you press on the horn of your car, it lowers the amount of air in your front right tire due to it helping make that horn sound."- Boomstick123456
Oh, Dear...
"I was walking around the ruins of the ancient cliff dwellings at Mesa Verde just outside of Mancos, Colorado, (where the Ancient Puebloans lived from approximately 550 A.D. to 1300 A.D.) when a visitor asked the tour guide:"
"'Why did they build their homes so far from the highway?'"- badwolf1013
driving los angeles GIF by HOLLYWOOD LOVE STORYGiphyRibbet...
“'I can shoot with my left hand, I can shoot with my right hand, I'm amphibious'."- Master_Grape5931
Racist No Matter What...
"Apparently when my daughter was first born she looked vaguely East Asian."
"Enough, at least, for the nurses to ask if I was sure it was my baby."
"Now that was an incredibly weird thing to say to a new dad meeting his daughter for the first time, but it wasn't the stupidest thing someone said about this situation."
"That happened when I was retelling the above story to a client in a meeting."
"He asked to see a photo of my kid as a newborn, remarked how she really did 'look Asian', and then proceeded to ask if I thought my child might end up having an Asian accent when she got older."- JoeyCalamaro
Cbs No GIF by HULUWhen Life Gives You Lemons
"Asked someone if they drove a stick."
"They responded, 'no, I drive a car'."
"Now I have a dad joke I’ll remember forever."- 99problemsbut
ID Please...
"I once found a big bulldog in my back yard."
"I don't own a bulldog."
"He was a big friendly, but slow witted guy."
"He look healthy and had a collar but no tags so I knew he was a local."
"I made sure he had water and went to the front yard to start knocking on doors."
"As soon as I stepped outside I saw the family three houses down all gathered in their front yard."
"So another case closed for our young detective."
"I walked over to them and said, 'You guys missing a bulldog?'"
"The mother looked at me and said, 'Is his name Tyson?'"
"The question took me aback."
"I mean, he didn't have tags."
"They knew he didn't have tags."
"So all I could think to say was, 'He didn't say'."
"'But I'm pretty sure he's yours'."
"To this day I wonder if that woman knew how dumb that question was."- Spodson
looks stupid english bulldog GIFGiphyUnder The Influence
"Stoned friend ."
"What year is February in?'"- IHave47Teeth
Woof Woof...
"My teacher told a class of 16-17 year olds about that super loyal dog in Japan who walked to the train station daily for nine years to wait for his owner, who died at work."
"After hearing that story, a girl raised her hand and asked 'Why didn't somebody just tell the dog?'"- Senator_Ruth_Martin
That's Why The FDA Warns Against It...
"When I was 12 years old a friend told me 'smoking is good for you because the smoke makes a shield around your heart when you breathe it in'."
"He argued that the smoke could prevent you from being stabbed or shot."
"Even at 12 I knew he was a moron."- ipondy
There's Denying Global Warming, And Then...
"Solar panels will cause a global ice age, because the law of thermodynamics states energy cannot be created or destroyed, so obviously they must be removing heat from the air."
"With no sense of irony of the scale nor efficiency (or lack thereof) of solar panels and their capacity to cool."- peptobiscuit
In Debt, Maybe...
"I knew a Finance major in college who thought he was worth $20k because he had two credit cards with $10k limit each."- alano134
No one loves a know-it-all.
Especially when they don't actually know anything at all...
Shoplifting is a prevalent issue, but why do people do it?
Some reasons can be as banal as boredom, but other are far more intruiging.
Redditor WineOhCanada wanted to understand why people steal, so they asked:
"People who shoplift on the regular: why do you do it?"
I loved shoplifting.
Until I was caught, that is. I was a price tag switcher.
I apologize.
So Excited
Happy Thomas Lennon GIF by ABC NetworkGiphy"It makes me feel alive. Jk I don't any more but as a kid, it was for sure a thrill thing."
silly-billy-goat
The Need
"I’m going to give an actual honest answer as someone who has not done this in many years… it becomes addicting."
anewchapteroflife
"Came here to say this. Back in my high school days, I would do it all the time. It's like a rush. Now my shoplifting days are when I forgot the can of soup on the bottom of the grocery cart and don't realize til I'm loading it in the car."
TheRumpleForesk1n
"I used to work in loss prevention. A lot of times we would let you go; especially teenagers. We knew you would be back and have pictures on the wall of you. We focused on shoplifting rings with a higher dollar amount and employees. Employees rob you blind."
taco_cop
The Hit
"I was greedy and had poor impulse control. While shoplifting was terrifying... having the shiny new thing after gave me a dopamine hit. I got caught three or four times and I thank Christ I was under 18 each and every time."
happyele
"It was less about greed for me I think, I've never been addicted to any drugs, whenever I got caught I would always test negative for anything, the custody sergeant who would take my fingerprints/DNA/drug swab would say 'Sean you're the only one that comes in regular that's not on any drugs, what's going on?' I explained that I was homeless, lost my job because the company I worked for folded, and life just kicked me in the butt."
"Flirty Chez I called her, and she would always give me extra food whenever I was brought in, I just thought that was how she was, then one day she said I need a girlfriend and I shot her down, no more flirty Chez. She was shooting her shot and I rejected her without even knowing it."
hardcoresean84
Exchanges
"Much to my mom’s embarrassment, I was a serial shoplifter as a baby. At least I had the presence of mind to take off my socks and shoes and leave them scattered around the store in exchange."
UsualFrogFriendship
"I was once on a camping trip with my parents. We left the campsite for a day and when we got back our soap had been stolen from the tent. Just our soap, nothing else was taken, but we did find the shoes of the perpetrator!"
"This kid left them right at the entrance of our tent, so it was not difficult to find out who did it. When we went to get the soap back and give him back his shoes, sadly the kid threw it over a fence, so we never got it back."
ptbroeke
Influences
Breaking Bad Crying GIFGiphy"My easily influenced mind was corrupted by TV. If it's good enough for Marie Schrader then it's good enough for me."
DavosLostFingers
TV rots your brains and decision making capabilities.
Do the opposite of your favorite characters.
End of Times
Nbc Shoplifting GIF by SuperstoreGiphy"When I was bedridden due to Covid, I had a friend who shoplifted a whole damn box worth of medicine from different drugstores."
"I was very impressed and confused, as I didn't ask for it. Great friend though!"
pepper-blu
Criminals
"As a former loss prevention officer, most of the people I stopped were stealing to resell the items. Many people were clearly drug addicts and many people I stopped had meth and other drugs on them. Not every shoplifter is stealing to buy drugs, but a ton of them are."
"A lot of other people just stole items they wanted, and some people just have a stealing problem and would take whatever random BS they came across and thought would be easy to steal. If I ever saw someone stealing food I'd usually look the other way, but that was pretty rare to see someone taking food, it was usually clothes, electronics, makeup, or tools."
BigBudZombie
The Rush
"Addiction. And that's addiction to shoplifting, not drugs. It's a rush. Confidence grows with each success. It becomes an obsession. It brings an amount of power when stealing from giant corporations. For me, this question is similar to asking an addict why they are addicted to drugs or alcohol."
"I haven't shoplifted in three years. I attended Shoplifters Anonymous and continue to go to therapy which are both very helpful. I'm very lucky I didn't lose everything."
tacoterrarium
Self-Control
"In high school, I dated this guy who would shoplift and I got influenced to start doing it. After we broke up I kept doing it all throughout college since I was a broke college student who had no self-control. I only shoplifted from big retail stores and told myself it was 'okay.' Post college I stopped because the possible consequences as an adult and to my career were not worth it."
isatacobelle
There was no good in it
"I used to do it as a means to support my drug habit. I wouldn't call what I was doing shoplifting though. I moved the volume and high-end merchandise. Honda generators from Home Depot or Lowe's. Shopping carts full of Tide pods, and Similac baby formula. I'd hit Nordstrom during the holidays for their perfumes and colognes. COACH, Burberry for purses."
"I made a good chunk of change from it, yet I was still homeless. Most of my money went to drugs, and hotel rooms at shi**y hotels. I'm no longer like this. I reached out and went to rehab this past July. I now have 132 days clean and sober, and work an honest job. My life's boring as hell now and I love it. Even though people on the street complimented and applauded my skills."
"I was never proud of myself for any of the stealing I was doing. There was no good in it. Now I feel good about myself and can be proud of what I do. It's a nice feeling to go into a store and not have to be aware of my surroundings and not tighten up when the greeters ask for a receipt. Because now, I can happily show them one. Lol."
Crotch-Monster
Think First
Steve Austin Wrestling GIF by WWEGiphy"I work for a 3-letter retail store in NV and we have a ton of theft. I see a lot of random products for sale on the FB marketplace. If it adds up to over $1,200 it’s grand larceny and you get arrested."
"Walmart also allows up to a certain amount to be returned with no receipt and you get cash back."
samisalwaysmad
What have we learned kids?
Theft never really pays.
Do you have any experiences? Let us know in the comments below.
