Sexual fantasies are hot because we don't have a prior memory of experiencing them to compare them with.
Redditor OperaGhostAD asked:
"What’s a sexual experience you thought you wanted but realized during or after that you really didn’t?"
These erotic activities didn't pan out as expected.
Unsolicited Cosplay
"I was seeing this girl for a short amount of time I am talking 3 dates. She asked me to come hangout at her place. We were in her room and start making out and then she got my clothes off and said she would be right back. I figured okay she might have to pee no big deal. She comes back in a panda onesie."
"She is giggling then climbs on top of me. She just keep giggling needless to say I was not really turned on and then she undoes a front flap and climbs on top. I am guy and I finish but I felt very awkward about the whole situation that I didn't want to continue with the relationship."
"I think I would have felt better if we had discussed that first but to spring it on me was weird."
"Yes, I had thought dressing up in costumes might be fun in my head but to see it in real life just didn't do it for me."
– Kthak_Back
Poor Gag Relfex
"Honestly… getting a blowjob from a specific ex"
"She always claimed her gag reflex was insane poor. Like unable to eat certain foods impossible to do."
"I didn’t believe her, and she challenged me, I had to clean the sheets but I’ll get a BJ, obviously I agree"
"Not even 5 seconds, she projectile vomits all over me and my dick, promptly with an 'I told you so' lol"
"We both laugh, and I never asked a BJ from her again"
– Philaharmic
Amateur Pornography
"Filming it. Those actors in the movies deserve some respect. We looked like two sea lions jumping on top of each other."
– Imarayofsunshinethx
Hitting Balls-Eye
"That thing where you hang backwards off of the bed and give head. Sounded super hot to me, so we decided to give it a go."
"About three seconds in I realized my mistake and that there was absolutely nothing sexy about his balls smacking me in the eyes."
– Pollowollo
Questionable Scenario
"Decided to try the whole... 'consensual non-consent' thing with an ex girlfriend of mine."
"Didn't really work. She just kept kicking and pushing me away and I found it extremely difficult to even get to her and keep her still, so eventually we just decided 'yeah... this isn't working' and did the deed normally haha."
– flameylamey
When it comes to sex, there can be a fine line between pleasure and pain. For these Redditors, it was the latter.
Ouch!
"Hot wax. I thought I could take the pain cause I like other kind of stuff."
"However it burned like a bitch, and ended up spilling all over my bed."
"0/10"
– Sanchezzy123
Size Matters
"I saw a gif of a girl f'king a bed post. I have bed posts. Tried, failed, scarred for life. Bed posts are way bigger than they seem."
– ciupiciu
Scratch That Itch
"I asked my ex to scratch my back once. She clawed the sh*t out of me and I was like, 'Actually, never do that again.'”
–EnshaednCosplay
Trying Out Bondage
"This woman wanted to restrain me. I thought why not, could be hot, she seems to know what she’s doing. As soon as the handcuffs went on I flipped the f'k out like a wild animal. It all surprised me. I was on a wooden chair and it got all smashed up. She unlocked me and it was instant relief. Now I know."
– TeamTigerFreedom
Olfactory Assault
"Eating a girl out from behind. She had an amazing body (still does) and it was awesome. Then without saying anything, she starts pushing my face away. I am very paranoid/worried about doing anything to make my partner uncomfortable, so I just pulled a few inches away from her butt and started to ask 'Are you ok?'"
"But then she let out a huge fart right as I was inhaling to speak. My nasal passages were open and this fart was forceful enough that I felt the hot, heavy gas hit the back of my throat and sink down. Then a few microseconds later, the smell hit me; full-on sh*t grade, permeating my sinuses. I starting choking and gagging and dry heaved a bunch."
"My girlfriend was so horrified she started crying. This was like 2 months into our relationship so she thought I was going to leave her, but as soon as the nausea wore off, I just started laughing because the situation was so funny. We bring it up all the time now and still laugh."
– RightToConversation
A couple and a plus one isn't an ideal scenario for everyone.
Three's A Crowd
"Threesome in college. Everyone said: 'We won’t get weird about it.'”
"THEY GOT WEIRD."
– FlamingTrollz
Chivalry Is Not Dead
"Almost w two dudes on a wild spring break trip in Florida. It was hot up until they got their condoms on and reality of what was happening hit. And then I freaked out a bit because I realized I didn’t want to go further. But I don’t think I even said stop, I think I just kind of froze and looked freaked out."
"I’ll never forget the gentle reassurance of the one young man. He quickly stopped, told the other dude 'hey man it’s off' and I wasn’t shamed or made to feel stupid or anything. We actually kept partying and partied the rest of the week together and had a great time."
"That guy was a stand up young man. Peak era of bro culture way before me too movement and he had full awareness of consent. 20 years later and I remember him!"
– merrythoughts
The Horrific Violation
"I worked with a girl and her husband would come in all the time. We worked at a restaurant so we were always drinking after. He told me he wanted me to f'k his wife while he watched. I thought it was a joke. He brought his wife over and she confirmed it. He was asking her to pick someone for a while, she picked me so I said sure. A couple weeks pass and they invite me over. They made dinner, fed me and gave me drinks. We go over any boundaries. Basically don't cum in her or on her. Ok whatever."
"I'm having sex with her and everything is good. It's weird because he's just sitting there jerking off and talking to himself about how he deserves this and it hurts to see his wife with another man. Every so often he'd tell us to switch positions and he'd go back to wallowing to himself. He'd say he can't watch, but he would watch. Anyway, I was going to cum so I pulled out and stopped and she grabbed me and finished me with her hand. I ended up cumming on her stomach a bit and the dude lost it. He ran over so fast and punched me so f'kin hard I collapsed. I was in a daze."
"I was already in cum euphoria and then almost knocked unconscious within 10 seconds. She starts screaming at him, he tries to drag me out of the room but I managed to get composed and handle myself. I'm f'kin naked with cum dripping out of me, lump on my head, ready to scrap. He starts yelling 'I said no cum!' She says it was her fault. He tells me to leave, so I get dressed real quick and head out."
"She calls me an hour later and apologizes. Says it won't be like that next time. Lmao next time? Nah. Guy has a nasty overhand right and was trying to drag my cummy, naked a** by the ankles like he was going to bury me. No next time. No more couples."
– Hocktober
Erotic engagement in public can be a huge adrenaline rush. Until it isn't.
What's The Buzz, Tell Me Where It's Happening
"Going out in public with one of those remote controled vibrators. The vibrating part kept shifting from where it should be while I was walking and I was SO paranoid about it slipping out and falling out my pants leg for me to enjoy how it felt."
– soup54461
Sex On The Wall
"Had sex on the Great Wall of China, at night under the stars. Was pretty romantic until we finished and realized there were workers cleaning the wall less than 20 ft from us who definitely saw and heard us and were politely waiting for us to finish so they could do their jobs."
– working_joe
Consequences Of The Mile-High Club
"Sex on a plane - Air NZ in the middle of the night. Both snuck to the washroom. Apparently the 'clapping noise' was very audible and not as quiet at we both thought. $1500 fine each and a one year ban from Air NZ."
"Edit: We we’re coming back from a month of backpacking and landed in Vancouver (on route to Manitoba) . The police didn’t seem to care at all but the TSA person seemed to take it personally so I believe that’s what the fine was so large."
– Greenleeman
These people came but didn't conquer, so to speak.
Oh well. You've got to give them points for at least trying to live out their sexual curiosities.
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Reddit user _Brunonono_ asked:
"What's something you can't tell your partner for fear of upsetting them?'
No Malice Intended
"The first piece of jewelery I bought my wife was a necklace. We went on holiday and she lost it."
"I said I would replace it but it wasn’t the same, she was upset that she’d lost it for sentimental reasons."
"I emailed the hotel and of course they hadn’t found it. So I bought a replacement and told my wife they found it."
~ EnzokuhleLesedi
"My wife has a beautiful heart."
"I jokingly call her a Disney princess because any animal that she comes across she has to talk to, and greet. She has cried by seeing a dead raccoon on the side of the road before."
"At the time, I was working day shift and she was working a swing shift."
"I had a busy day, but I saw she sent me some pictures of a young doe that was eating in our front yard. She seemed thrilled."
"I came home and saw the same deer!"
Giphy"Dead."
"On my god damned porch."
"I felt like I started to hear 'the first 48' theme playing as I realized I have six hours to get rid of this thing before my wife gets home and her world is shattered.
"I call my local city authorities thinking they wouldn’t want a dead animal in the middle of town. Turns out, they couldn’t care less."
"I called some local raptor shelters to see if they could take a stat donation but it turns out the dead deer business is booming and they didn’t have a need for donations at this time, especially in the next 6 hours."
"Frustrated, I call my dad to vent and get advice on what to do."
"His response is only a 'Hold on bud, I’ll be there in 15 minutes'.”
"I go back inside to take care of the dogs and within the next 15 minutes I see me dad back his huge truck into my back yard, has the tail gait down and is knocking on my door with a pair of nitrile gloves on and another pair in hand for me."
"It was starting to get dark out, but we had that thing loaded up and found a special place to, uh... dispose' of it. We made it back with 20 minutes to spare before my wife got home."
"I haven’t told my wife because I think it would either break her heart, or creep her out at how efficiently my dad can dump a body."
"Anyway, wifey thinks her deer friend is alive and well, and totally not at the bottom of a ravine."
~ EliseoJan
Oops!
"The remote didn't disappear."
"I accidentally put it through the washing machine and destoreyed it and threw it out in a panic."
~ NinaBen63
"It was me who cooked with oil and didn’t clean the spatters off the stovetop… not the cat."
~ Poorly-Drawn-Beagle
"I'm impressed your cat can cook."
~ Antillaa
"Well, nothing fancy, not what you'd call a feast."
~ Poorly-Drawn-Beagle
"Just a meowdest meal then."
~ Grunthos_Flatulent
GiphyBetter Left Unsaid
"That she is wayyy more like her mom and sisters than she likes to think."
~ Famannot34
"Could be worse ... my partner is becoming more and more like MY mother than she would like to think!"
~ DeeDee_Z
"That’s definitely one to keep to yourself."
"Forever."
~ msjammies73
"I hate your mom and I'm a little afraid you're going to turn into her, both physically and personality wise."
"Especially since your dad keeps talking about how you have your mom's whole face and personality from back when they first got together."
~ midnightsonofabitch
Giphy"I would like to go somewhere and be alone for a few weeks."
"I love them so much but I have never been on my own in my life and I would like to try it for a minute."
~ PeacefulWarCat
"I daydream/wonder what it would be like to live completely alone."
"How I wouldn’t have to compromise."
~ TA_MHGal
"Lord. I always thought when I met the right one I wouldn’t mind sharing my space."
"I’m a loner by nature."
~ illustriousocelot_
"I only put spiders outside when she sees them."
"If they're only noticed by me I let them continue hunting bugs, sometimes with a few soft words of encouragement."
"You're doing a great job, little guy."
~ c7hu1hu
Giphy"She is using words incorrectly."
"She has a half dozen she routinely misuses and does not want to hear it. Example: The middle of the road is the median, not the medium."
"Drives me insane."
"Married 20+ years. Some things you let go."
"I even tried repeating it back to her in the conversation properly to avoid the conflict. Still doesn't work."
"What is surprising is she easily reads a couple of books per month and is super bright. She just has words that somehow got stuck in her vocabulary along the way."
~ Caspers_Shadow
Is Manipulation So Bad?
"I wanted my husband to quit wearing denim shorts because they made him look old. He had gained a bit of weight, so I kept buying his jorts in his old size 34 and I bought khaki shorts in a 38."
"He will never read a label for any reason. He would put on the jorts and then lay on the bed and lift and spread his legs to stretch out the shorts a bit."
"He blew out the back seam of two pairs in the same day, then ended up putting on the khaki shorts."
"Since then, almost 20 years, he has insisted that khaki shorts are made better and fit more comfortably than denim shorts of the same size."
~ fire_thorn
Hiding In Plain Sight
"Not me but my parents. If my mom wants to hide literally anything from my dad, no matter what it is, she just puts it somewhere where he would have to bend over to see it."
"Doesn't matter if it's something like a package of oreos, if my dad has to bend over to find it he's never going to find it. I've tested it with my own snacks when I was still living with them to confirm it works.
"He'd be mad if he knew how many snacks we'd hidden from him simply because he doesn't bend over low enough to see it in the cabinet."
~ WonderfulFennels
"This is rather hilarious. Not quite what I was thinking of, but hilarious."
~ OP _Brunonono_
"Headline: Man Starves To Death In Home: Couldn't Find Food at Knee Height"
~ Papancasudani
GiphyMight Be Time To Speak Up
"I am tired in my soul."
"I carry the mental load, do 99% of the domestic chores, do the meal planning, grocery shopping, and cooking. I’m the breadwinner and also the one responsible for our finances."
"I’m tired in my heart and soul. You agree when we talk about our future but there’s no execution on your end."
"You see my frustrations and you think it’s postpartum depression but it’s you, not the kiddos. I’ve been doing the therapy and the Zoloft. Why aren’t you?"
~ Beagle_Gal
In almost every case, Redditors' biggest concern was their partner's feelings.
Except for those snacks.
Hopefully they put a few snacks in dad's line of sight.
