I've always been told... NEVER SETTLE!
But settling can work out.
You never know.
So what really happened when people settled?
Redditor adambier1587asked:
"People who married their 'better than nothing' option, how’s your marriage going?"
Still Time
"My wife said 'so far so good' but it's only been 35 years so there is still time for change if needed."
Netman-
black and white love GIFGiphy22 Years
"I feel like we may have both settled because we had a child together, but 22 years in and he’s a better partner than I could have ever dreamed."
armsinstead
"Definitely everything up to the ‘but’ with my wife, things have been good at best and poor recently. Living together before helped some, but damn I underestimated or was decidedly oblivious to the necessity of having a similar level of intelligence, even more so than common ground, for long-term happiness."
Away_Reaction_1628
Give it a shot...
"A coworker got married to their 'better than nothing' six or seven years ago. It was one of those things where both people settled since they were getting older and I guess they figured they'd give it a shot. They went from single to married in eight months."
"Apparently as time went on it only got better for them."
"They both started actively trying to better themselves (seeing therapists, picking up healthy solo hobbies) and learned how to best communicate with each other over that time. They're both in their early 50s now and they act like a happy younger couple whenever we're at work events. It's kinda cool to see."
"Pretty mundane but I wanted to share one that I know that worked out."
Justicles13
Obsessed
"So my marriage is not 'better than nothing,' but I was also never obsessed with my wife the way I have been obsessed with a new person before. Part of the reason I was willing to marry her was because we communicated well, worked with each other to improve each other's lives, and we generally enjoy many of the same things while still retaining who we are individually. The biggest thing is that we both felt physically and emotionally safe with each other."
"I am now obsessed. I love my wife more than I have ever loved anyone."
Xannin
knocking my socks off...
"I think the way you worded this implies that the relationship was shi**y to begin with. I married someone I considered kind of a settle at first. I hadn't had a relationship in over a year and met a girl at a bar and thought, 'she's pretty enough and I like being around her.'"
In Love Hearts GIF by SpongeBob SquarePantsGiphy"The thing is, we grew together and I have a very successful and happy marriage despite her not initially knocking my socks off. I think I fit your comments intent but I'm not sure because at no point in our relationship was it so bad I didn't want to be in the relationship anymore."
"I guess what I'm saying is if my story matches your intent, then it can work out. If you meant marrying into a toxic relationship, I don't think you're going to get many success stories."
MrPopo72
So the end can be different from the beginning. Good to know.
It was devastating...
"I think I am the better than nothing spouse. About a month ago I found out. It was devastating."
Sad Rabbit GIF by Muffin & NutsGiphy"For 17 years she settled for me despite not truly loving me. Life was hard but we had each other or so I thought. The moment we talked about how bad things got she asked for a divorce and I lost my best friend and sole person who I felt I trusted enough to talk to. I move out tomorrow to rebuild my life."
Kierik
The Turning Point
"I don't know if this is exactly what you're after, but my husband and I got together as single parents. When you do that, you're choosing as much for the kids as for you. You actually don't know what kind of couple you are on your own. And when the kids grew up, after over a decade together, we had to figure that out for the first time."
"It started out good for maybe the first 4-5 years, then went really rocky in the kid's teens. Turns out as they needed us less, we really didn't have enough common ground in a lot of ways - in particular, I had emotional and emotional-labour needs that weren't being met."
"We discussed divorce several times, but at our peak crisis point, decided to work on it because one of our kids had just had a bereavement (death of the other parent). And honestly, it still wasn't working that well and maybe still would have ended in divorce, but then I had a terrible work situation that lasted a year, and he really stepped up."
"That was the turning point. I was able to let go of my resentments about all the times I'd carried us, because at some point he'd done enough that I didn't feel baited-and-switched anymore. Then the kids grew up and we had to learn to be a couple on our own together."
"That took time, but we'd sort of grown and changed into a better match by then. We're really solid now, have been for probably the last five years or so. But it's been a team endeavour to get it that way and keep it there, it's not something that just happens."
nurseynurseygander
Love & Loss
"Was married for 10yrs, got 2 kids out of it and some of the happiest years of my life. We both pretty much settled for each other. Eventually both concluded that we just weren't right for each other and cut it off but I don't have any regrets about it. Without her I definitely would have been one of the people out there that are forever alone. So I definitely would agree with the 'better to have loved and lost' saying."
FerretsAteMyToes
Option in my 30's
"I married my 'better than nothing' option in my 30s. We both understood what we had waited for and committed ourselves fully to the marriage. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I had married my 'preferred option' and I realize that the love I feel from the person I married is so much better than the 'preferred option' would have been."
"I never did convince the preferred option to date me, while the woman I'm married to now found me easy to love. In other words, my romantic self is an idiot and my better than nothing was actually better than everything."
eileyle
42
"My parents got married because they were considered old in their church (they were 26 and 24…) and they both wanted kids. My mom told me that is was the practical thing to do, haha! Luckily they hit it off, and though it took a lot of time and work, they are annoyingly in love and have been married for 42 years next month."
Islanduniverse
in love kiss GIFGiphySo good enough can turn into the perfect choice.
Good to know...
"Sailors of reddit,what's the most unusual thing you've experienced while at sea?"
Don't Even Want To Know How It Got There...
'Out of a submarine periscope, we saw a fully inflated, pink, unicorn floaty toy."
"We were very far from any civilization."- mbreinich
blow up summergram GIF by SummerfestGiphyThe Ordinary And The Extraordinary
"We were sailing (330ft. ship) from the North Sea to west Africa."
"I was off shift and sleeping."
"I woke up and for some reason decided to go up to the bridge, which is something I usually never did when I could be sleeping or eating."
"It was night, so all the lights were off on the bridge save for a few red ones, and I noticed how bright it was outside."
"I went over to starboard and the f*cking white cliffs of Dover were completely illuminated by a full moon."
"Just beaming moonlight."
"It was one of the most amazing things I've ever seen."
"Of course the mate on duty was English and was nonchalantly like 'yeah, that's Dover'."
"This one isn't me, but a Welsh guy I met in the Caribbean."
"He had done a few transatlantic trips in a small sailboat so had tons of ocean experience."
"A big storm caught him, with huge rolling waves."
"He decided to heave to to ride it out (basically using your sail and the rudder to put the brakes on and give yourself a smoother ride)."
"He was in the cockpit and was riding up one of the bigger waves."
"The next part is wild."
"He swears to god on his grandmother's grave that a giant whale just below the surface cruised up the wave beside him and just stared straight at him."
"He describes looking into this animal's huge eyeball, just looking back at him, for what was probably a couple seconds but he said felt like minutes, from a few feet away."
"He's never lied or really even exaggerated otherwise, so I believe him."
"Can you imagine seeing that?"
"Sometimes I really miss being at sea."- Zebulon_V
blue whale sea GIF by Monterey Bay AquariumGiphyLes Poissons!
"Flying fish timed a wave right and jumped out the water and through an open hatch directly into the galley."
"Freeboard was like 7 metres."
"The chefs sh*t themselves haha."- BassEvers
Not A Sight Anyone Wants To See
"I was on a run between California and Hawaii, and I was out on deck doing rounds on deck equipment, checking oil levels etc."
"I saw one of those free fall lifeboats just hanging out in the distance and was like wtf."
"I called the bridge, they said a ship accidentally dropped their lifeboat a few years ago and now it turns up from time to time."
"Was glad to know no one was on it, but it gave me a brief scare."- thecactuswrench
Heartbreaking
"Lots of crazy little things, but I was on a ship that lost a man overboard in the Atlantic."
"Reports were that a life saver was thrown immediately after he fell in, the lookout said he saw a swell overtake him as he was going toward the life saver."
"And that was it."
"We searched for hours, never seeing a single sign."
"Search lights in the water."
"Dark shaped swimming past them.'
"Makes you realize how small we are in nature."
"Still think about it to this day."- ConstantTheory255
A Literal Whale Of A Tale
"Was sailing off the coast of the big island Hawaii in February."
"We were mostly interested in fishing since the wind had died down."
"There were no other boats around that were visible and it was a very calm and peaceful day."
"Now often you'll see Humpback whales breaching in Feb and you can also hear them singing if you are underwater."
"That is cool enough, but this encounter was awesome."
"I was baiting a hook, and suddenly on the starboard side of the boat a pod of about 20 melon head whales comes up right beside the boat and they just start staring us down."
"I lean over and this one dude moves a little closer and just keeps moving his head so he can eye me up and down."
"They all just kept staring at us with an expression of 'WTF are these? Hoo interesting, don't look like they can swim at all'."
"They eyed us at close quarters for about 5 min and then just took off."
"The weirdest part of the encounter was the close eye contact I had with the first whale was definitely two individuals sizing each other up."
"Best part of the whole day."- CalEPygous
Ocean Wildlife GIF by BBC AmericaGiphyA Unique And Magical Experience
"Was gently sailing down the northeast cost of New Zealand heading into Auckland at about 2-3 am."
"I was on watch and the other crew member was asleep below."
"It was a pitch black night, no moon, and the sea was very still so as soon as you look overboard all you saw was black!"
"Eventually you saw stars but it was impossible to distinguish sea from sky."
"As I was keeping a watch I saw what I thought was a shooting star just MUCH bigger!"
"It came again and again agin until there were about 30 of these shining glittering trails shooting around the boat."
"It was very disconcerting and it took me a few minutes to click what was happening."
"We had sailed into a patch of luminescence while dolphins were swimming around the boat planing on both it and our wake."
'I had not noticed them due to it being so dark!"
"For something so simple it was a very moving almost spiritual experience and it will remain one of my all time most fondest memories!"- Smh_nz
Never Leave Port If You're Not Prepared To Do So
"French Navy navigator here."
"A few years back, went underway from Toulon on a high sea patrol ship for a routine patrol."
"The sea was very rough out of the roadstead, coming from the west, which was completely contradictory with what our weather briefs were indicating."
"Captain decided to go ahead nonetheless."
"We took a heading towards the east to enter Hyères Bay, when we entered in the pass, sh*t went down."
"I was outside, starboard wing of the bridge to take bearings when the ship took a 35 degrees list on starboard."
"If I had held my arm out, it would have been underwater."
"I held on the compass for dear life, because going overboard in that weather would have probably meant death."
"Needless to say, I sh*t myself.
"When the ship leveled, my boss went out to check if I was still there, and ordered me to go below to check how bad the damage was to some of our gear."
"I went, and when I was at the main deck, the ship took a 43 degrees list to starboard."
'I was then blessed with the horrific sight of a washing machine that was strapped in a room by the hull on portside punch a hole through the bulkhead and go straight to starboard WITHOUT touching the deck."
"Also, a lot of the firefighting equipment (axes, hoses, pumps...) was just flying all over the place, with guys from the security department desperately trying to catch it and fasten it."
"At that point, we had entered the bay and had better weather."
"We had lost electricity in the bridge and CIC, so the captain decided to wait in the bay for the weather to calm down."
'When it did the next day, we pulled back into port for repairs."
"This little escapade resulted in a few bruises, the electrical network of the bridge and CIC being badly damaged (the guys that were supposed to strap down sh*t didn't do it correctly and got punished) and for me, a reminder of my mortality."
"On a more positive note, I once saw a stork land on our 100mm turret after a sandstorm off Libya, and stay there for several hours."
"Also, we had a couple of sperm whales with a calf swimming alongside, for almost a day off Ivory Coast."
"When you see that kind of stuff, it doesn't matter if you are 3 months in or 20 years in."
"You feel like a kid again."- Hans_Von_Seemann
All Aglow
"My area occasionally gets phytoplankton blooms."
"If you're boating at night and sail into a bloom, the wake of your boat will suddenly start glowing blue."
"It's pretty darn bright, easily seen with the naked eye, and appears out of nowhere."
"One minute you're sailing in complete darkness, the next you're in glowing water."- MyNameIsRay·
climate change animation GIFGiphyLife out on the open sea is unpredictable, and sometimes scary.
But those brave enough to venture into it, always return with a story to tell.
