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People Who Married Their 'Better Than Nothing' Partner Describe How It's Going

bride and groom
Olivia Bauso on Unsplash

I've always been told... NEVER SETTLE!

But settling can work out.

You never know.

So what really happened when people settled?


Redditor adambier1587asked:

"People who married their 'better than nothing' option, how’s your marriage going?"

Still Time

"My wife said 'so far so good' but it's only been 35 years so there is still time for change if needed."

Netman-

black and white love GIFGiphy

22 Years

"I feel like we may have both settled because we had a child together, but 22 years in and he’s a better partner than I could have ever dreamed."

armsinstead

"Definitely everything up to the ‘but’ with my wife, things have been good at best and poor recently. Living together before helped some, but damn I underestimated or was decidedly oblivious to the necessity of having a similar level of intelligence, even more so than common ground, for long-term happiness."

Away_Reaction_1628

Give it a shot...

"A coworker got married to their 'better than nothing' six or seven years ago. It was one of those things where both people settled since they were getting older and I guess they figured they'd give it a shot. They went from single to married in eight months."

"Apparently as time went on it only got better for them."

"They both started actively trying to better themselves (seeing therapists, picking up healthy solo hobbies) and learned how to best communicate with each other over that time. They're both in their early 50s now and they act like a happy younger couple whenever we're at work events. It's kinda cool to see."

"Pretty mundane but I wanted to share one that I know that worked out."

Justicles13

Obsessed

"So my marriage is not 'better than nothing,' but I was also never obsessed with my wife the way I have been obsessed with a new person before. Part of the reason I was willing to marry her was because we communicated well, worked with each other to improve each other's lives, and we generally enjoy many of the same things while still retaining who we are individually. The biggest thing is that we both felt physically and emotionally safe with each other."

"I am now obsessed. I love my wife more than I have ever loved anyone."

Xannin

knocking my socks off...

"I think the way you worded this implies that the relationship was shi**y to begin with. I married someone I considered kind of a settle at first. I hadn't had a relationship in over a year and met a girl at a bar and thought, 'she's pretty enough and I like being around her.'"

In Love Hearts GIF by SpongeBob SquarePantsGiphy

"The thing is, we grew together and I have a very successful and happy marriage despite her not initially knocking my socks off. I think I fit your comments intent but I'm not sure because at no point in our relationship was it so bad I didn't want to be in the relationship anymore."

"I guess what I'm saying is if my story matches your intent, then it can work out. If you meant marrying into a toxic relationship, I don't think you're going to get many success stories."

MrPopo72

So the end can be different from the beginning. Good to know.

It was devastating...

"I think I am the better than nothing spouse. About a month ago I found out. It was devastating."

Sad Rabbit GIF by Muffin & NutsGiphy

"For 17 years she settled for me despite not truly loving me. Life was hard but we had each other or so I thought. The moment we talked about how bad things got she asked for a divorce and I lost my best friend and sole person who I felt I trusted enough to talk to. I move out tomorrow to rebuild my life."

Kierik

The Turning Point

"I don't know if this is exactly what you're after, but my husband and I got together as single parents. When you do that, you're choosing as much for the kids as for you. You actually don't know what kind of couple you are on your own. And when the kids grew up, after over a decade together, we had to figure that out for the first time."

"It started out good for maybe the first 4-5 years, then went really rocky in the kid's teens. Turns out as they needed us less, we really didn't have enough common ground in a lot of ways - in particular, I had emotional and emotional-labour needs that weren't being met."

"We discussed divorce several times, but at our peak crisis point, decided to work on it because one of our kids had just had a bereavement (death of the other parent). And honestly, it still wasn't working that well and maybe still would have ended in divorce, but then I had a terrible work situation that lasted a year, and he really stepped up."

"That was the turning point. I was able to let go of my resentments about all the times I'd carried us, because at some point he'd done enough that I didn't feel baited-and-switched anymore. Then the kids grew up and we had to learn to be a couple on our own together."

"That took time, but we'd sort of grown and changed into a better match by then. We're really solid now, have been for probably the last five years or so. But it's been a team endeavour to get it that way and keep it there, it's not something that just happens."

nurseynurseygander

Love & Loss

"Was married for 10yrs, got 2 kids out of it and some of the happiest years of my life. We both pretty much settled for each other. Eventually both concluded that we just weren't right for each other and cut it off but I don't have any regrets about it. Without her I definitely would have been one of the people out there that are forever alone. So I definitely would agree with the 'better to have loved and lost' saying."

FerretsAteMyToes

Option in my 30's

"I married my 'better than nothing' option in my 30s. We both understood what we had waited for and committed ourselves fully to the marriage. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I had married my 'preferred option' and I realize that the love I feel from the person I married is so much better than the 'preferred option' would have been."

"I never did convince the preferred option to date me, while the woman I'm married to now found me easy to love. In other words, my romantic self is an idiot and my better than nothing was actually better than everything."

eileyle

42

"My parents got married because they were considered old in their church (they were 26 and 24…) and they both wanted kids. My mom told me that is was the practical thing to do, haha! Luckily they hit it off, and though it took a lot of time and work, they are annoyingly in love and have been married for 42 years next month."

Islanduniverse

in love kiss GIFGiphy

So good enough can turn into the perfect choice.

Good to know...

People Break Down The Most Ridiculous Majors They've Ever Heard Of

Reddit user GazelleHistorical705 asked: 'What is the most ridiculous college major you’ve ever heard of?'

College classroom
Dom Fou/Unsplash

Many high school graduates face the conundrum of what to major in when they go on to pursue higher education.

Teens who haven't already sparked an interest in a particular field by the time they graduate wind up buying more time waiting for enlightenment by electing "undecided."

But to avoid any stigma of being an idle scholar, some students settle on majors they thought never existed.

"Fun with pasta," anyone?

While such a major might not exist, I wouldn't put it past some academia for coming up with it.

Curious to hear what those unheard-of specialized fields of study are out there, Redditor GazelleHistorical705 asked:

"What is the most ridiculous college major you’ve ever heard of?"

Majors with one word, please.

Sounds Like A Hard Major

"PENIS. My school offered a major in Political Economy of Newly Industrialized Societies, but eventually realized the acronym and changed the name. Pity. I hope some were able to get their degrees with a concentration in PENIS."

– OhMaiMai

Hidden Objective

"Golf."

"It was made so the Vice Chancellor could buy a private golf course for the university, so he could play on it. I believe it had 5 enrollments ever, and one was a joke that didnt show up or pay. It got cancelled the first year, but he got to enjoy his own personal golf course for some years after."

jadelink88

Just Throwing Ideas

"Frisbee. A friends roommate at Amherst was in some kind of 'create your own major' thing and chose frisbee. His family had momey and college was just a formality."

– hightower65

Certain concepts as a major were hard to grasp.

Seed Of Despotism

"IIRC, like 20 years ago some college in Indiana offered a major in World Domination."

– Rev_Christopheles

"You can only get a job as a henchman with a BS."

"You need a full PhD to be an evil mastermind."

– JimBean823

A Vague Focus

"PhD in general studies."

– dravik

"Tf do you even write your dissertation about."

– Fragile_Line

"Everything."

– ProsciuttoPizza

"Generally."

– cropguru357

Let's Take It Outside

"An old friend has a Bachelor's degree in Outdoor Activities. He was never able to explain exactly what that meant, though."

– EnlargedBit371

"A guy I know majored in Recreation."

– kmsc87

"When I was there, my college had one of the top Parks Recreation and Tourism Management (PRTM) programs in the country."

"It had the nickname 'Party Right Through May.'”

"It was extremely popular with student athletes, especially football players."

"There’s always a demand for graduates too. It seems like one of those fields where you shouldn’t need a college degree to do the work, but you need one to get in the door."

– JimBeam823

Going At Your Own Pace

"When I was in uni my friend dated a guy who was majoring in leisure studies. I used to joke that leisure studies is a 4 year program, but if you’re good enough at it you can do it in 6."

– Mtldoggogogo

Things went up a notch.

Arghhh Ya Kiddin' Me?

"At MIT you can be certified in being a pirate if you complete the courses of pistol, archery, sailing, and fencing."

– yhdreytaweatrst

"It’s not a major, it’s a certificate. But if I ever get my own office it’s going in a very nice diploma frame and I’m gonna see who notices."

– PoorCorrelation

Veritable Hodgepodge

"My university had an Interdisciplinary Studies department that served mainly to get super duper seniors graduated. They would cobble together the random credits people got because they changed majors every semester into a 'degree.' You get some wild majors like a BA in Culinary Traditions and Music in the Former British Empire."

– pinelands1901

Sapphic Education

"My college briefly had a major in Nordic Lesbianism."

– WhizzleTeabags

"I've read many of the responses on here where most of them weren't ridiculous imo but you gave the best one!"

– 90DayTroll

"HUH."

– OP

Make It Up

"At a graduation at the University of Redlands. They have a degree whereby you basically take the classes you want and call it what you want."

"The degree conferred was, I kid you not: 'Still trying to figure out who I am.'”

– dmur726

Clearly there's a major for all occasions.

But at the end of the day, does it really matter as long as you have a BA in something to show you were academically tenacious?

Now go out there and carve out your own path, young scholars!

Just make sure you can pay off those student loans.

Maybe there should be a major on how to avoid debt.

human robot illustration

Possessed Photography on Unsplash

Artificial intelligence (AI) is defined as:

"the theory and development of computer systems able to perform tasks that normally require human intelligence, such as visual perception, speech recognition, decision-making and translation between languages."

AI is broken down into four types—from most basic to most advanced:

  1. Reactive machines
  2. Limited memory
  3. Theory of mind
  4. Self-awareness

The first two—reactive machines and limited memory—currently exist.

Reactive machines AI have no memory—it responds directly to current information. An example is a recommendation based on your streaming activity.

Limited memory looks into the past and monitors specific objects or situations over time, and adds the information to adapt responses. Self-driving cars are a good example of limited memory AI.

The other types—theory of mind and self-awareness—don't exist yet.

Theory of mind AI would be able to understand intentions and predict behavior while adjusting its own responses, simulating human interpersonal relationships.

The final step in AI is self-awareness. These would be systems that have a sense of self, a conscious understanding of their existence.

As AI advances, some human work functions will be done cheaper or more efficiently by AI.

Keep reading...Show less
man and woman holding hands

Brooke Cagle on Unsplash

According to the General Social Survey, 20% of married men and 13% of married women reported having sex with someone other than their spouse.

In the United States, 17% of all divorces cited adultery on the part of either or both parties.

But 70% of married women and 54% of married men reported they didn't know of their spouses’ extramarital affair until their spouse confessed.

And how did the other 30%-46% figure it out?

Keep reading...Show less

I was very fortunate that my parents were able to pay all expensive not only through adolescence but even through college. However, they made it very clear that once I graduated, I was on my own.

I made every effort to make sure I could afford to live once I graduated. I made copies of all the recipes my parents got when they bought stuff for me, and started saving my own receipts, something I didn't do through high school. I calculated monthly expenses and created a budget for the future.

When I graduated, I had accounted for all the big expenses: take-out food, the expensive skin care essentials I needed to keep my acne at bay, and utilities (heat, AC, electricity).

What I didn't realize was that small expenses are not so small. Microwavable meals went up by $2. Gas, which was pretty steady while I was in college, seemed to shoot up daily. And things that don't seem expensive at first glance, such as toilet paper, become big expenses as they add up.

I'm not the only one who had these realizations. Redditors have too, and are eager to share what items they didn't realize were expensive until they became an adult.

It all started when Redditor ForeignReviews asked:

"What item did you not realize was expensive until you became an adult?"

Yummy, Yummy

"Food is both more expensive and goes bad quicker when you're an adult."

– BriSnyScienceGuy

"I know right! I honestly love grocery shopping, so when I started driving I would go grocery shopping when I had the car and so nowadays I do maybe half of the grocery shopping. But, it's just so expensive. I often look for deals and will buy generic/store brand on most items but, still."

"My biggest tip for "goes bad quicker" is to always get from the back, because usually that's where the longer lasting stuff goes and when it's stacked, get from the bottom. When it's stuff with longer shelf life like cereal and canned stuff, I don't usually bother. But I mostly do that with bread and dairy products. My mom taught me that when I was little."

– ariana61104

"Yes! Having to feed yourself and your household is getting too expensive and so tedious. I really admire my mom for making dinner every night when I was growing up. Thankfully I don't have kids so me & my husband are okay with just eating snacks sometimes."

– WildMoonWitch

So Sweet

"My parents split up when I was a kid in the 90s, and I remember going to my dads apartment in another city, and him cooking us steak on the grill. I always loved that."

"Once I moved out I was like "wait steak is how much? Why the hell did Dad keep feeding us this?""

"Then I realised he was eating poverty meals all week to treat his kids on the weekend."

"For his 60th birthday us kids pooled our money and took him to arguably the best fine dining restaurant in my province for the full tasting menu. Seeing him light up at trying things like caviar and truffles for the first time made me realize how much he has sacrificed for us."

"So yeah, steak is expensive."

– KFBass

"You guys are awesome; what a nice story. He raised y'all right."

– Augustus58

Where Do I Sit?

"Gotta be furniture."

– harrisrichard

"When I bought my house I only had a bed in the master bedroom and all my friends kept saying “you make good money just buy furniture, you could have it furnished in a month.” Then they themselves bought houses and now understand why it took me a year to furnish my house."

– Stetikhasnotalent

They Don't Need To Be That Nice!

"Rugs. Why did no one tel me a ‘nice’ rug was $18,000."

– BenSadfleck

"But it really ties the room together."

– alittlec4

"Dude, you could fly to Morocco and get a hand made wool rug for that much. What the heck are you buying?"

– mofukkinbreadcrumbz

"My dog isn’t going to want to butt scoot on anything cheaper than 10k."

– iamaliberalpausenot

Car Accessories

"New tires. Most unexciting $1,000 purchases I have ever made."

– PRCraig

"Also why the hell are oil changes so expensive now!?"

– johnstonb

"Bro fr I swear they were just $20 just a second ago now it’s like $60?? I asked my dad to teach me how to do it myself as a teen and he said it was so cheap that I might as well pay someone else. That didn’t last."

– greeneggiwegs

Walk It Off

"A good pair of shoes will set you back a bit, especially if you need more specialized ones for whatever reason."

– sedition-

Part Of The Family

"Pets."

– TeacherLady3

"They have gotten a lot more expensive due to expected care changing dramatically, and how we feel about them."

"The idea that you would put a pet down because a vet treatment costs too much is horrible now, but was pretty common in the past. Outdoor cats were the norm so they pretty much fed themselves and you had far fewer litter changes - litter was just clay, and you tossed the whole thing."

"Dogs ate table scraps and whatever they hunted down, or cheap as dog feed made of whatever ended up on the slaughter house floor (bones and all)."

"While purebreds were probably still super expensive, most people had a mutt or tabby, that the found/were given, instead of buying."

– RandomChance

"All true. But I waited until I was in my 50's and had raised my kids until I could afford a pet. Like kids, I wasn't going to be a pet owner until I could provide the care they deserve."

– TeacherLady3

The Cost Of People

"Kids."

"I'm amazed how my parents could afford me."

– only_stupid_answers

"My parents had 5 of us. It amazes me to this day, that my fathers paultry salary at the time had to support it all. How the f**k could anyone do that today?"

– The_REAL_McWeasel

Vroom, Vroom

"Cars, all grown-ups had them, maybe even multiple. I still think its insane that some cars are more expensive than a 2 bedroom apartment."

Tommer_nl

"I remember people restoring cars all the time when I was growing up. I would love to do it but even a rough condition rolling rust is super expensive now for even common things people aren’t super after."

Pup5432

"Yeah what the hell!? I feel like everyone's dad (mine included) had a project car that they were tinkering with."

"All of my 'tinkering' is to keep my single, daily driver running!"

disisathrowaway

Shiny Teeth And Me

"My teeth."

– Bumfuzzled_Hobgoblin

"Teeth are luxury bones, don’t ya know? Why on earth would regular health insurance cover them? Hahaha. The fact that vision and dental are separate from the rest of your body is absurd."

– Blackfoxx907

I See You!

"Glasses. I have awful eyesight and an astigmatism and got quite a shock when I had to pay for my own prescription glasses for the first time."

– Heavy_Mycologist_104

Time Flies

"Free time."

"As a kid I had loads of it and gave it away. now I can't afford even a minute !!"

– TokenFeed

"I took a toll road home today for an extra hour of free time and it was the best money I ever spent."

– squidkiosk

What I wouldn't give -- or pay -- for some extra free time!