Sentimental People Divulge The Best Piece Of Advice They've Received
Sentimental People Divulge The Best Piece Of Advice They've Received
[rebelmouse-image 18359680 is_animated_gif=Whether we are asking for it or we find it, advice comes to us in life all the time. Unfortunately not all of us take the advice we are given, but these gems are worth paying attention to.
wf4 asks: What is the best piece of advice you've ever received?
Don't be obnoxiously proud
[rebelmouse-image 18347277 is_animated_gif=Never be afraid to admit you don't know something or need something explained again.
too much self consciousness will get to you
[rebelmouse-image 18359682 is_animated_gif=No one is paying nearly as much attention to you as you are to yourself.
How you respond is everything
[rebelmouse-image 18359683 is_animated_gif=You can't control other people's behaviors, but you can control how you respond to their behavior. Learning not to be immediately reactive.
Good friends are hard to find
[rebelmouse-image 18359684 is_animated_gif=To know who your true friends are, look for the ones who say good things behind your back and bad things to your face.
Procrastination will be the death of you
[rebelmouse-image 18359685 is_animated_gif=If it takes less than 8 minutes, go do it.
PS. This is an anti-procrastinating advice. Not a challenge.
Be one of a kind
[rebelmouse-image 18359686 is_animated_gif=You don't get paid based on how hard you work. You get paid based on how hard you are to replace.
You get what you give
[rebelmouse-image 18359687 is_animated_gif=Be the person you needed in life. Gave me something to think about
Number one waste of time
[rebelmouse-image 18349632 is_animated_gif=If you're worried about something and there's something you can do to help the situation, stop worrying and do that thing.
If you're worried about something and there's nothing you can do to help the situation, stop worrying - there's nothing you can do.
So... either way, worrying is a waste of time.
Dating advice from a nun, who knew!
[rebelmouse-image 18359688 is_animated_gif=Oddly enough I was told this dating advice by a Belgian Nun. "Make a list of everything you want in a partner. You know you've found the right person not when they tick every box on that list - but when you throw that list away."
Yes!
[rebelmouse-image 18359689 is_animated_gif=If you expect marriage to change your relationship, you aren't ready for marriage.
Let it live!
[rebelmouse-image 18359690 is_animated_gif=Don't let the child inside you die.
Keep it moving
[rebelmouse-image 18359691 is_animated_gif="do the next thing" an amazingly wise friend told me this 13 years ago when my marriage was falling apart and I was feeling so completely overwhelmed.
Just. Do. The. Next. Thing.
It's never far from my mind, seems basic but when things feel like they're spinning out of control, it's empowering to have just one thing to focus on
Try try try
[rebelmouse-image 18359692 is_animated_gif=Whilst I was travelling in Asia a barman in a hostel in Phnom Penh said to me 'Never try, never know.' Granted this was talking about firing a rocket launcher, which I didn't try, but I say this to myself about new things on a regular basis.
Push through!
[rebelmouse-image 18359693 is_animated_gif=This was probably 25 years ago but I've never forgotten it. I'd just been dumped by my boyfriend and I knew I would be running into him that night at a packed bar where all of our mutual friends would be. I was heart broken, humiliated and so anxious. This girl I barely knew tells me this:
"It doesn't matter how you feel. You walk in there with your head held high and a smile on your face. Act like you own that place. You fake it if you have to. Don't let anyone even think it's something on your mind at all. And after a while you won't have to fake it anymore."
I've used that advice through several difficult situations in my life.
A dad at his best!
[rebelmouse-image 18359694 is_animated_gif=My dad. I was 16 years old and had my first true boyfriend, or so I thought... he dated me for awhile and then told me it wasn't working via text. He then proceeded to booty call me for months afterwards and be mean to me if I tried to contact him too much. I really wanted it to work since all my friends had boyfriends and I felt lame.
Cue the night I was with this boy and I was pressured to stay later. I thought he'd like me more, so I ignored my curfew and several phone calls from my dad and strolled in at 3am.
When I got home I expected to be yelled at beyond belief. However, instead, my dad calmly sat me down and explained to me that I was worth more as a person. That I cannot control how cruel others are at times, but I can control how I respond. That a person who deserved me, wouldn't treat me the way I was being treated. I ended up crying for a bit and stopped responding to this boy shortly after. My relationships became a hell of a lot healthier afterwards, too. Thanks, dad!
The urgency is real
[rebelmouse-image 18345881 is_animated_gif=The best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago, the second best time is today.
Do it before you are dead
[rebelmouse-image 18359695 is_animated_gif="There's one place, where all the people with the greatest potential are gathered. One place --- and that's the graveyard."
--- Viola Davis, Best Supporting Actress speech, 2017
I think about this quote quite literally every day. It encourages me to say "f*** it" and just go, do, and be.
Great advice
[rebelmouse-image 18359696 is_animated_gif=Every person you meet has lived am entire life before that moment. Remember that.
Do you!
[rebelmouse-image 18359697 is_animated_gif=If you just started going to the gym, don't be insecure about your weights or about how you look when you do your exercises. Everyone there is focused on themselves and don't really care.
Agreed!
[rebelmouse-image 18359698 is_animated_gif=Spend 30 minutes in nature everyday unless you're too busy, then spend an hour. :)
Let's just be honest: the dating scene can be rough, especially when you're not sure if that person likes you back or not.
Some people, however, are very comfortable with their dating histories and believe there's a certain "cheat code" to confirming if someone is interested.
But for those of us who have always been bad at flirting and consider ourselves "oblivious" to other people's advances and compliments, maybe there could be some hope for us after all with these tips.
Redditor Independent_Slide932 asked:
"What are signs that there's sexual tension between you and someone?"
Their Undivided Attention
"It's serious eye contact for me, like when they would rather admire you than look anywhere else. It just makes it so obvious."
- GoGoHesHere
Butterflies
"For me, it's not just the eye contact itself, but when the eye contact is made, the two of you are in your own little world. There’s communication happening in that eye contact that you aren’t having with other people."
- la_metisse
The Thrill of the 'Chase'
"To answer the actual question OP asked, it’s finding reasons for eye contact."
"It’s 'accidentally' making physical contact. It’s always ending up sitting next to each other in a group."
"It’s a tingly tight feeling in your guts."
"It’s a beautiful pain to experience. It’s almost more fun than actually 'getting' the other person."
- AllAfterIncinerators
Literal Physical Attraction
"Angling. Always feeling like your center of gravity is shifting towards them."
- thelibrariangirl
Interested or Not?
"There's a regular who comes into my work who makes serious serious 'seductive' eye contact with me and has a smile that looks flirty."
"But he's also hot as f**k. He's just incredibly attractive. So like, just because it's making me turn to jelly doesn't mean it's anything other than just being friendly and having a regular smile to him."
- MangoMambo
It is, Indeed, ...Tense
"It's that awkward, 'I want to f**k this person, and I'm pretty sure this person wants to f**k me, but I'm not sure enough about it to actually make a move.'"
"That's sexual tension."
- Grueaux
Sounds Awkward
"It can manifest in a lot of ways. Usually, sexual tension develops when two people are attracted to somewhat attracted to each other. The funny part is, sometimes they aren't even fully conscious of it, or want to acknowledge it."
"That is where the tension lies. There is a reason why both are not participating in healthily acknowledging attraction for each other. It can look like tense awkwardness, constant fighting, overt flirtatiousness without any progression, and even consciously ignoring/avoiding the other person."
- EimiCiel
Silent Communication
"It's a shared gaze that at once leaves you both relaxed and on edge. It's like being old friends with a stranger."
"It's like an inside joke that isn't funny, it's sexy. I mean, it could be funny or sexy, but you see what I mean, it's a common understanding."
"It's like, 'You've got a secret, and I know it, and I've got a secret, and you know it, and the secret is the same thing, and we both know it, and it's so f**king delicious that we both know that without discussing it. The secret is nothing and everything, it's the knowing and sharing and the edging that is wonderful."
"It is something that is involuntary, but also once you've experienced it (enough), you can put yourself in that mode, make eye contact with a sexy stranger, and they may respond positively. It won't be as good as spontaneous mutual attraction, but you can put the signals out, 'Hey, I dig you, are you interested?'"
"Some people that you have that intense mutual attraction for aren't the right one(s) for you, except that they are the right ones to practice making that connection with. The person who is perfect for you might be someone who grows into the right emotional responses... and that's true of you, for them, as well."
"And lastly, you can choose to ignore both the mutual and asserted versions; the right relationship choices are both an emotional and intellectual decision, don't rely on one exclusively."
- im_dead_sirius
A List of Obvious Signals
"Reading signals is tough, I’m glad I don’t have to date these days."
"But some legit signals I’ve learned, in no particular order:"
"Prolonged or suggestive eye contact."
"Body positioning mirrors yours or stands closer than typical in your culture."
"Playing with hair when you interact."
"Light unconscious brushing up against or touching."
"If seated, leaning forward towards you frequently and/or touching you hand in a friendly way."
"Flushed or light blushing when they interact with you but not others."
"Suggestive teasing."
"Excessive awkwardness that isn’t the case with them around other people. Especially if they straight up start babbling like a loon."
"Awkward silences you could cut with a knife but they still keep seeking you out."
- AndrogynousRain
When Someone Gets It Wrong
"It’s hard to explain. Basically, it’s a nervous, delicious breathless feeling when they are close to you. You both go out of your way to stand just a little bit closer to each other."
"The sad thing is, some people think they 'feel' this with someone just because the other person is being friendly and misread signals. I once had a guy insist that we had sexual tension simply because I twisted my hair."
"He told me that twisting my hair was a 'mating signal.'"
"I told him that I had been twisting my hair has been a nervous habit of mine since I was a toddler, but of course, he wanted to believe I was interested and insisted that I must secretly want him."
- Joygernaut
Obvious to Other People First
"When other people pick up on it."
- The_She_Ghost
Responding to Looks
"When they suddenly look and hold eye contact and then look away. (Low)"
"When they look and notice you're looking then they run their hand through their hair. (Medium)"
"When they notice you looking and suddenly gently bite their lip looking away. (High)"
"When they notice you’re looking and do something to draw attention to their body either stretch and reveal skin or adjust an intimate part of their clothing. (Extreme)"
"Each of the above will make you get butterflies as you know that she knows AND that she knows that you know."
- DragonofDojima_
Trying to Keep the Conversation Going
"When there's a lull in the conversation, and eye contact is maintained while you both are trying to figure out what to say next."
- djpack
Looking But Not Looking
"Catching glances, by either party. The kind where they’re looking at you and don’t think you’ll look up or at them. Then suddenly the ceiling is really interesting to them when you make eye contact."
- HuxEffect
The Classic Note Trick
"When they hand you a piece of paper that says:"
"'Do you think that there is sexual tension between us?'"
"'[ ] Yes or [ ] No'"
- xaradevir
While we'd all love for the dating scene and general flirting to be straight-forward, simple, and stress-free, this thread serves as a reminder that it comes easily for some while being a puzzle for others.
At the end of the day, if you're interested in someone, the easiest thing to do, though it's terrifying, might be to ask them.
Anyone with any amount of dating experience knows at least a few things that they love in a relationship and a few things they find unsavory.
Just like discovering our boundaries and what qualifies as a relationship deal breaker, most of us generally have a few rules that we tend to live by in every relationship, whether it's romantic, platonic, or professional.
Curious to learn some rules to live by, Redditor aytmamatov_musa asked:
"What relationship rule have you memorized forever?"
Actions Speak Louder than Words
"I can't remember the exact wording, but something to the effect of: Pay more attention to how invested your partner is in the relationship, not how much they say they are."
- why_im_single
Know Who Holds the Power
"I remember when I first realized that the person who has the most control in a relationship (especially ending it) is the person that cares about the relationship the least."
"When I thought of all the relationships that I had been in (not just sexual) and how one person decided sometimes months ahead of time that the relationship was over, I remember how oblivious the other person was when it ended."
"By the way, this can also be applied to employment relationships as well."
- Mo_Jack
Don't Fight for Someone's Attention
"If someone does not want to hear you, there is no way you can phrase anything to make them listen."
"This applies to all types of relationships, but I learned it from trying so hard to have a healthy relationship with my mother. Then when I left at 25, she responded by filing a missing person's report, hiring a PI (Personal Investigator), harassing my friends, and hacking my email and bank accounts to monitor my activity."
"This also ties into: abusers see you taking away their ability to abuse you, as an egregious theft of their rightful property."
- CurrentSingleStatus
Be a United Front
"Problems aren’t You vs Me. They’re Us vs The Problem."
- FilecakeAbroad
No Codependent Relationships Here
"You cannot help someone who does not want to be helped."
- Diesel07012012
Be Honest About Your Feelings
"Listen to how you describe your partner to friends, or how you think at the moment how you're describing your partner to them. That will tell you a lot about how you feel about them."
"If you're nervous about introducing them, listen to why. If you're apologizing for their actions, pausing to reframe positive ways to speak about them, or ignoring the red flags, then listen to that instinct. If you're constantly talking about the problems or hiding them, pay attention to why."
"I remember being in one relationship and having those feelings of, 'Should I introduce her to the family, when I talk to others about her, I'm exhausted from some argument, etc.'"
"I remember another relationship, thinking, 'Oh, I would love her to meet the family, she'd get along with everyone's kids, my friends would love her, I just had this great moment with her, and I wanted to tell people about it, I enjoy talking about her.'"
"When you experience that difference (and you have the wisdom and experience to know you're not being deluded by things like abuse or newness or getting caught up in a big fire that's going to burn out fast), it tells you so much."
- ConvenienceStoreDiet
Be Mindful of Reciprocation
"Something a friend of mine once told me was, 'Always ask yourself if this relationship isn't taking more from you than it is giving you.'"
"It saved me a lot of heartbreak."
- Interferonno2fan
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
"If they don’t respect your boundaries while dating, they won’t respect them in marriage."
- Rachel1578
Cheaters Gonna Cheat
"My best mate got with a woman who cheated on her then-boyfriend to be with him. Then my mate and she stayed together for four years, but she ended up cheating on him with another guy that she is now dating."
"I warned him in the beginning and advised him not to get into a relationship with her to start with. If she can do it with one guy, she can do it with another."
"His argument was that her then-boyfriend was not good enough for her which was why she is cheating on him. But what he failed to realize was that no one is the best in the world, and if she decides that he isn’t good enough for her in the future, then she will cheat on him too. And that is exactly what happened."
- dp9116
Acknowledge Red Flags
"Red flags look like normal flags when wearing rose-colored glasses."
- Mezame_Drgn
Common Interests Aren't Everything
"Having a lot in common doesn’t equal a good relationship. It’s just a decent starting foundation."
- ironicallyunstable
Don't Go to Bedroom Angry - Or Do?
"I wouldn't say forever, yet, but since becoming a wife, I have learned that it's okay to sleep off a fight. Don't have to 'resolve' everything right then and there. Give each other space to let steam off and talk in the morning."
- beanedjibe
Be Loved for Who You Are
"Do not change your personality if you don't want to... I didn't realize until the breakup, that my ex did not like me, just the idea of what I could be..."
- Bethedr
Know the Difference
"When an argument comes out of nowhere, ask 'Are you yelling at me, or to me?'"
"It's helped with a lot of arguments. Sometimes we just need a backboard to scream at, and nine out of ten times, that backboard is your significant other."
"A lot of arguments get bad just because they don't know you are releasing anger, which is healthy in the right way."
- spenser1994
Some of these seem pretty simple, but they can make a huge impact in a relationship, if not also to the trajectory and health of a person's life. By understanding our own worth and how it's valued by others, we gave give ourselves a much happier ever after than we might have otherwise settled for.
A breakup can really reveal a person's true colors.
Whoever in the relationship initiated the heartbreaking news that "this isn't working out anymore" or for any other reason the significant other didn't see coming can elicit irrational behavior.
Can they be blamed for going into a blind rage? Well, it depends.
Curious to hear just how someone whose had their heart broken reacted, Redditor No-Feeling865 asked:
"Whats the most f'ked up thing your ex did after a breakup?"
Some people just can't accept the fact that love has died and they resort to revenge.
Fake Pregnancy Alert
"Said she was pregnant and sent me a positive test. I searched positive pregnancy test results on Google Images… it was the first one to pop up."
– SpaceShipET
Public Announcement
"Had an ex make a MySpace page about how I’m a f'king loser. I already knew that, but I just thought it was rude."
– EssEyeOhFour
The Expensive Guilt Trip
"Take out a credit card in my name, go to Greece, and rack up $6K in charges in my name the stick me with it."
– soon_zoo55
Based on these cases, divorce seemed a logical next step.
Expensive Waste Of Time
"Cheated on me, refused to sign the divorce papers, so I had to pay an attorney thousands more to show up to court."
"Showed up to court, judge asked: kids? No. Shared property? No. Bank accounts? No significant money in them."
"Judge literally asked, 'why are you here?' I pointed at her, he sighed, signed the divorce and said 'next case'. Thousands of dollars for literally two minutes of court time."
– Shoddy_Emu_5211
No To Makeup Sex
"I left my wife when she threatened me with a 6' kitchen knife because she was stressed by our 11 year old son's homework. 4 weeks later when I collected the last of my things from our house she looked upstairs and seductively said 'do you want to come upstairs for a f'k?'"
"In the 18 years we had been together she has never said anything like this before."
"That was a definite 'No!'"
– Elegant-Ninja-8166
Actions spoke louder than words verifying these were not the kind of people you'd bring home to meet mom.
Truth Comes Out
"Immediately started dating the girl he swore he wasn’t cheating on me with."
– emshlaf
Animal Cruelty
"Hung my dog off a balcony. He is okay now."
– easygoinggirlie
Sometimes, there's a happy ending.
Blessing In Disguise
"I had an ex who cheated on me multiple times, and just generally manipulated me emotionally. Always lied to me and never actually came clean about the cheating, even when I had evidence, or when her best friend came to me because she thought I should know."
"We finally break up after 8 years, and I get back out there and start hooking up with someone else, ended up getting her pregnant, and it was her choice to keep it."
"My ex heard and called my Mom to tell her before I had decided to tell anyone in my family, totally blindsided me when I started getting calls and texts from my parents."
"Anyway, the other woman ended up being the most amazing mother, friend, and partner you could ask for. We've been married for 4 years this summer, and our son will be 5 in the spring!"
– Cristal_Lizard
The horrific behavior mentioned above just further cements the fact that some people were never meant to be in your life.
That's the thing about a person's true colors–you don't see them until in hindsight when the relationship becomes comfortable.
Love makes jilted people do crazy things, indeed. Like slashing an exe's car tire in a parking lot with surveillance cameras catching all the angry action.
Yeah, that may or may not have happened.
Sharing a home with a roommate is always a balancing act.
Particularly if it's a roommate you settled for, rather than chose to live with.
While some roommates proved to be a match made in rent-controlled heaven, others find themselves to be less than compatible.
From constantly having to clean the dirty dishes they left in the sink, to dealing with them blasting music on full blast at all hours of the night when you're trying to sleep, some people never manage to jump from being roommates to being friends.
Making the day they can finally afford a place of their own to be truly the happiest day of their lives.
"What made your worst roommate ever such a bad roommate?"
With Friends Like These...
"Was a slob who got into drugs and hanging around the wrong sorts of people."
"Completely trashed his room and took off one day leaving his dog he had just gotten behind for me to deal with, along with a bunch of unscrupulous-looking characters knocking at my door telling me that he owed them money and asking where he was."- Electro-Onix
Well That's Disgusting...
"She stole, wore, stained, and destroyed my fancy frilly underwear and then returned them stained and tattered to my drawer and played stupid about it."
"I discovered this by finding my underwear in her laundry basket when I was tearing apart the room going 'what is that SMELL?!''
"I was allowed to change rooms by the school."- CaffeinatedHBIC
Animal Endangerment
"Had a weekend getaway planned, confirmed a couple of weeks in advance that she could take care of my cat while I was gone (side note: she had a cat too.)"
"Before I left, re-confirmed that she would be around and could take care of them."
"Wasn't uncommon for me to do all the kitty duties, which I didn't mind at all, but because I was used to being on top of it I wanted to make sure she had it under control."
"Got back after 3 days and clearly no one had been in the apartment for at least a couple of days."
"Cats had no water or food and had been clawing at the door enough to chip a bunch of the paint off of it."
"I texted her and asked if she had watched the cats, she replied that she decided to stay with her boyfriend for the weekend, completely oblivious to the fact that she had abandoned two helpless animals."
"I asked if she realized the cats hadn't had food or water in a few days, she replied 'oh, they're just cats, they are fine'."
"I asked her to move out and also if I could keep her cat because I was worried about her ability to take care of another creature, both of which she agreed to."
"Some next level loser a**hole sh*t to do that to creatures that are dependent upon you to survive."- basicallyasleep
The Zoo
"Rented a room from a neighbor who let me live there cheaply when I had nowhere else to go."
"Her house was pretty dirty due to her physical limitations from being very obese, but I tried to keep common areas clean."
"Her adult son lived there."
"The worse part was her 25-year-old daughter."
"Immature, entitled, thought she was god’s gift."
"She’d leave blood and pubes all over the bathroom. She’d have sex with her bedroom door open. She was always arguing/disrespecting her mom."
"But the worst part was how she treated her pets."
"She loved to rave about her 'zoo', but her mom had to take care of her dog, cat, and several birds."
"The dog was untrained and it peed on my bed and barked when I was trying to sleep."
"The mom would go out of town sometimes to a family beach house."
"One time she was gone awhile I noticed the dog’s water bowl was always empty."
"So I kept filling it back up."
"Then I realized that the house was pretty quiet."
"She had cockatiels and conures, so the house was never quiet."
"So I went to check them."
'The bowls were bone dry and empty seeds."
"And 2 of the birds were dead."
"I was so happy to finally get out of there."- lalapine
Well, That's A Decision...
"In the middle of a 100F heatwave in August, not only turned off the AC, but turned the heat on."
"To 90F."
"Even at the coldest days of winter, has no one turned the heat to freaking 90."
"Came home to a sauna, and she didn't even stay after she did that."- LeatherHog
Questionable Practice...
"They were drug dealers and they liked to work from home."- Ok_Whatever_Buddy
Did They Think They Would Clean Themselves?
"We had a shared kitchen, the 3 of us, we had cleaning schedules but they never followed it, they just piled it up until it was my turn."
"After numerous complaints that I was the only one cleaning I stopped cleaning."
"3weeks later there was rotten food and fungi all over the kitchen and even a cockroach infestation."
"A cleaning company had to be hired, the costs of which spread over the people living there."
"I objected the bill on grounds of my earlier complaints, they didn’t argue and I did not have to pay."
"I even got compensation for eating out every night, they got kicked out a week later."
"Was a win for me eventually but a horrible time before that."- Mezame_Drgn
Anything But Trustworthy...
"Tried to set the rest of us up for a pot bust after he got caught."- roadfood
Health And Safty? Meh...
"My favorite: She would come in drunk at 2am, turn on all the lights, leaving either her keys in the front door lock, or just leave the door wide open and then pass out in the living room."
"Good times!"- cerart939
Three's A Crowd...
"His girlfriend basically moved in immediately after he did."
"She was nice enough but adding another person to a tiny 2-bed apartment sucks."- beachfun2525
Grand Exit...
"Sh*t in the oven before moving out."- Longearedlooby
Contributed Literally Nothing
"He got into drugs, quit working, and quit paying rent three months into a year-long lease."
"Then he started letting his drug buddies sleep over and they ate all the food I bought."
"So I couldn't keep groceries in the house."
'Then they went through my room looking for things to steal."
"I ended up having to forcibly take away the apartment key and get a second job to make the rent."
"After months of stress, I worked 80 hours a week for eight months because of that b@stard."- luthurian
Consent Was Necessary
"Found out the dude was keeping his webcam running when he was out."
"Being secretly filmed was kinda f’d up."- O_vJust
Sometimes, putting up with a roommate who will never be a friend is worth it for the home you are sharing.
Other times, a tiny studio apartment is probably the way to go.