We all need to love ourselves.
And is very important to put ourselves and our happiness first.
Self-love is a vital part of the human existence.
But some people really need to examine the behavior that they deem as "self-care."
Self-care doesn't belittle others.
And it acknowledges the line between confidence and arrogance.
Redditor redhead_in_red wanted to hear about the ways in which choosing "Me First" can actually be a detriment.
So they asked:
"What's some popular self-care/self-love advice that is actually really toxic?"
The telling it like it is crew always gets me.
There is truth and the way you say it.
Nope
Go Away Art GIF by GIPHY Studios OriginalsGiphy"If they can't handle my worst, they don't deserve my best,' funny how those people are always at their 'worst.'"
Team-Hero
"I consider anyone who ever says this to be radioactive, so I stay miles away. I remember being on dating sites and some women using that in their info. Automatic nope... lol."
Beaudaci0us
Stay Positive
"Advice to Surround yourself only with positive people, if you're willing to cut people from the your life when they are a bit down, that's a recipe for people hiding the negatives in their life from friends, only discussing the positive and having mostly superficial friendships, for fear of you being cut out of their lives."
"Not saying you need to keep people in your life who are treating you badly, but we all go through times when we are up and times when we are down, friends give you thier time through both."
cognitivebetterment
Trust
“'Always trust your feelings.'”
"This advice is everywhere. No, oftentimes our feelings require introspection to work through them and make positive change."
youkick
"I always took this as 'trust your gut,' meaning 'trust your instinct.' We describe it as a feeling but it's actually thought, memory, and sensation/feeling - not an emotion. And this definitely gets lost in our collective game of telephone."
"It's meant for things pertaining to general survival decisions, mostly. Like, a gut 'feeling' to not cross the street yet. It's a bunch of things we pick up on but can't quite put our finger on, and it is better to act without thinking on each thing and memory specifically."
Conditional
"That you should expect unconditional support love and acceptance from friends or romantic partners. Popular idea, but if people really care they will tell you when you are harming yourself or others rather than just keep the vibe chill."
"Unconditional support does NOT mean they go along with whatever you want. It means they care about you and support you, even when you make bad decisions. And sometimes, supporting you means telling you how it is."
GildedLily16
Rubbish
You Lie Harry Potter GIF by SkyGiphy"The sort of 'positivity' that relies on dragging other people down."
"I see it the most around body image issues in particular (but can apply to other things too), and I just think it's really sad."
"It doesn't solve any of the underlying issues, just makes more people feel rubbish about themselves!"
ClydeB3
Keeping everyone afloat is part of the positive.
Brutal
Giphy"It's not really advice, but it's popular for people to label themselves as 'brutally honest.'"
"Honesty is good, but beware of people who are more interested in the brutality than the honesty."
SteezyPeez
True Dat.
"'Live your truth.' There is a fine line between between authenticity and being an a**hole."
Kurgan1536
"I've yet to meet a person who uses 'I'm speaking my truth' who didn't clearly mean "I don't care how incorrect or hurtful what I'm about to say is; if you don't accept it you're disrespecting me."
"To clarify since some replies are bringing up specific people. I don't know much about celebrities. I was mostly thinking of a former coworker who would use the phrase constantly when being blatantly wrong but still expecting to be accommodated for her preferred reality."
SumsuchUser
Say NO... to YOU!
“'Ignore the haters.'”
"Sometimes the 'haters' are people who love you and want to warn you of potential pitfalls (such as MLMs, cults, abusive relationships, etc.)"
"Update: A few people are saying that the definition of haters is, essentially, only people who are hating for the wrong reasons. I agree that’s what this advice intends to communicate. Basically, don’t pay any attention to people who project consistent irrational negativity your way."
"My concern is that this phrase is so easily misapplied as a 'self love' mantra which ultimately serves to keep some vulnerable people from listening to the valid and well-intentioned concerns of loved ones. It can be used by a manipulative person to keep victims/vulnerable followers in line."
"I like 'haters gonna hate' better because it implies there is a pattern. Like, 'oh that person is always hating so of course they’re hating now.' But if your sister is usually supportive, and definitely not a hater by nature, and is suddenly very concerned that your relationship is abusive... listen up!"
"I think it comes down to the idea that you have (arguably) more to lose by disregarding a well-intentioned friend than by paying attention to an ill-intentioned one. I appreciated the feedback and did not find any of you to be haters. :) "
REDDT
“girl boss”
"I have a friend who is very sucked into the 'girl boss' subculture that has her working all hours on a business that makes no money, then doing 'self care' in the form of spending the little money she makes on manicures or expensive beauty products that other people have told her are self care."
"Self care and self love is sometimes admitting that you need to stop perusing something that isn’t working and is making you miserable, even if it’s what you thought you wanted and even if everyone is telling you to keep going and not to give up."
wonkyboys
A Constant
Season 7 Work GIF by ShamelessGiphy“'Cut off anyone that doesn’t bring you peace.'"
"Obviously this applies to people who are constantly, deliberately making you miserable. But a stressful situation or argument with a friend that you care about doesn’t count if you haven’t attempted to work it out with them."
tinymom7674
Well I hope some truths sink in.
Do you have anything to add? Let us know in the comments.
Redditor Jakubeu101 was wondering how people really felt about relationships with more than one lover, so they asked:
"What do you think about open relationships?"
It's certainly not for everyone, especially those who have a tendency to get jealous.
Yuck
First Date Dating GIF by OriginalsGiphy"Tried it for a year. Didn't work. It's perpetual dating which is the worst. Then they get jealous."
chewie8291
Avoidance
"All the hassle of 2 (or more) relationships needs to be something everyone involved needs to be okay with. It can be done correctly by couples that really know how to communicate and are strong in conflict resolution. (Usually this also means starting in an open relationship and not opening up later on) Unfortunately many couples use 'opening up the relationship' as a solution to avoid the need to communicate better. Those are doomed from the beginning."
CaelTyr
Shenanigans...
"My parents have been together for 40 years, married for 36. A couple weeks ago we went and stayed with one of my dad's childhood friends. As the wine got flowing, she regaled the rest of us with various stories of the shenanigans they got up to with their other friends. My mom was having the time of her life hearing all these stories she'd never heard before. (this was northern Wisconsin in the early 80s, lots of teenage drunken shenanigans)."
mstarrbrannigan
Consent
"Not for me, but I don't care if everyone's a consenting adult and no one is taken advantage of. The issue IMHO is that if you go from monogamous to open it is shifting the relationship in ways that rarely work, but if you come at it from the start there's decent chances of making it work."
Bi_Aint_Shi
All of It
"I think the idea that you've learned everything and there's nothing else new to know about a person is the first problem. I was in a polyamorous relationship for about a year and even to the end of it was constantly learning things about my partners, their SOs etc."
"I'm now monogamous and married, and years down the road I'm still learning things about my partner. They've lived a whole life before me, it will be many many years before I know 'everything' about them."
Dfnstr8r
Consequences
jealous GIFGiphy"I think it’s one of those things where both partners have to be 100% on board with what it means. There can’t be jealousy and you have to be ok with the idea of your partner sleeping with more people than you possibly. I think most people who consider an open relationship don’t really think about it means so it inevitably fails."
RaijinQ
It's not for everybody. Emotions in check first.
Stronger
Chair Stronger Music Video GIF by Britney SpearsGiphy"I'm in one. Going strong almost 8 years. Requires a ton of communication. Also, what counts as an open relationship varies wildly and the boundaries/rules are determined by the people within the relationship. There is no one size fits all."
nkorper
Bad Ideas
"I met a guy on tinder that was in an open marriage. We went on a few dates, one of which I was surprised to meet his wife and kids."
"They seemed like a happy family, very content with their arrangement. I enjoyed getting to know the guy, but he started to get impatient with how slowly I was moving. I wasn’t comfortable moving forward physically, so we decided to end it. Fast forward a year later, and he ended up committing suicide."
"His wife wasted no time posting online about how awful he was to her. It seems their 20-year open relationship was his game of control. He was a cheater and an abusive husband. I carry some guilt knowing he used me to upset her, and I sat there with a stupid smile on my face."
blahblah-user
Proven False
"Tried it, she screwed some dudes and when I picked up started getting jealous. Most open couples aren't really open. Usually someone wants it (or just wants to cheat without guilt) and someone's getting dragged into, pretending it's okay. Very few true open relationships, it's proven by how many last more than a year."
F33dR
Doing It All
"My husband and I did it...very enthusiastically... For about 6 years. We made the decision to try it after 24 years of marriage and because neither of us had had any other partners before we met. For us it was a fantastic experience. We never had issues with jealousy but we had a very strong relationship with a high degree of trust. We definitely saw a lot of marriages fail due to those issues."
"Eventually we sort of... faded out of it tho. It is just a lot of work. Finding people with the right chemistry-the on line dating scenes, going to the clubs, the meet up's that don't always work: it's exhausting. But for us it was definitely worth it. And if my hubby came to me tomorrow saying that he'd met someone he'd like to screw, I'd still be cool with it."
sabertoothbunni
"guilt free"
"I personally hate them because of an ex. I was pressured to make our relationship open for months, and I really didn't want to. That wasn't the kind of relationship I wanted to have. I later then found out that she was pushing so hard because she was already sleeping with other guys and wanted a 'guilt free' way to cheat on me, and ended up sleeping with three other people that I am aware of."
"Generally I don't mind them if that's what you want and all parties are okay with that situation. I have a friend who does that and he's never been happier in terms of a relationship with someone. But I will refuse to ever do an open relationship with anyone."
A_GuyThatDoesStuff
Not Me
No Way Beer GIF by BuschGiphy"I'm genuinely not a fan, i prefer monogamy as I feel a much closer bond can be created between two people rather than a group. however that is not how it is for everyone."
thra888
Life lesson?
You do you.
Just be honest and really communicate how you're feeling and the boundaries you feel comfortable with.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/
Redditor CodeBlackGoonit wanted to know what aspects of life will probably forever drive us crazy, so they asked:
"What's something you still don't understand even after many different people explain it to you?"
Math, science, love. I give up trying to figure it out.
The Fit
Giphy"How to properly fold a fitted sheet."
crystalsaladsandwich
"It’s pretty straight forward. Pretend to fold it up for 20 minutes, then just shove it somewhere."
dunnodudes
Beyond
"Fourth dimension."
Ceyram
"Think about describing something's location. 3d world is X, Y, and Z. So you could say 'My keys are on the table, 10 ft in from the front door, 5 ft to the left, and 3ft off the ground.'"
"But you go look, and they're not there. So, add a 4th dimension to your description, when were they there? Things move about in space over a period of time; time is that fourth dimension."
thinkofanamelater
Confusing Concepts
"The Krebs Cycle."
kair93
"In 8 years of higher education, I had to regurgitate and draw the Kreb's cycle on tests probably 15 times or so. I had to temporarily re-learn it every time. I still couldn't draw it today. You need to understand the concept, but the individual steps of the process are something most people will never need to remember."
GiggityDPT
Mash
"Math. Just anything more than the basics and my brain turns to mash."
gardenomette
"If it's a problem for you, look into getting tested for dyscalculia. I was diagnosed with it a few years ago and it was such a relief finding out that I'm not less intelligent, I'm not stupid or slow. That there's actually a reason. I wish they were aware of it all the years I was struggling in school. But I'm happy for the kids growing up now that they might have better access to proper help in those classes."
gardenomette
Bad Hype
Trash Cash GIF by Production ClubGiphy"NFT’s."
LeroyJr847
"There's nothing to understand. They're just another Ponzi scheme, but this time each token has a URL attached to it. They are made of hype."
Great-Contest-1928
These NFTs. Who thought this was a good idea?
Value Craziness
Stan Marsh America GIF by South ParkGiphy"The stock market."
Tinydustbunnies
"Owning very small slices of a company. As the company's value goes up or down, so does the value of the individual slices. Some slices also pay out a share of the profits to the 'owners' (dividends)."
SomeHSomeE
WHICH DOOR?
"The Monty Hall Problem."
foxtrot419
"Do this experiment with a friend. Have them shuffle a full deck of cards, and then have you draw one face down."
"Then, have them look through every single card in the deck for the ace of spades. If they find the ace of spades, select it and place it face down. If they don’t find the ace of spades, instead select a random card and put it face down. Put the rest of the deck aside."
"Now, one of you has the ace of spades. Who is more likely to have it: you, who picked blindly from the full deck, or your friend, who got to see every single card in the deck except yours? I think after a few trials, you will very quickly see why the odds are not 50/50."
MoobyTheGoldenSock
Signs
"The greater than/less than signs, <>. I can't read them and am always confused as to which is what. Honestly don't care anymore, I made it this far this long without understanding them so I don't want to know now. But a lot of people still try to explain it to me, the alligator mouth really confuses me even more."
llcucf80
Magic Watching
"How a dvd works. Or how a record player works, for that matter. Like how does it transfer the little grooves to make… sound and light? Black magic."
lilgato443
"DVDs are pits and hills, and it's all 1s and 0s. So it's just reading a file off of the disc, which is usually a video format, similar to an MP4."
"Vinyls have the sound waveform melted into them, the needle vibrates to recreate the sound. That's the gist of it. One complication is that highs are over emphasized and lows are deemphasized, and the turntable runs the sound through an RIAA filter to get the correct sound."
skaterrj
Educational Issues
animation domination lol GIF by gifnewsGiphy"Monopoly."
Heavy_Permission5704
"It was supposed to be an educational tool about how capitalism and private property ownership funnel wealth into the hands of a wealthy few, at the expense of the working class. Then a corporation copied it, rebranded that as a good thing and sold it as entertainment."
HandsomeHeathen
$$$ Issues
"People who don't make a lot who blow all of their money on stupid things that make it look like they have money, rather than actually getting themselves ahead."
"Can explain. Grew up poor. When the basics are (barely) covered, anything else left is seen as extra or feel good money so it is spent accordingly."
Mike7676
I will never get Monopoly. And I no longer care to.
Do you have anything to add to the list? Let us know in the comments below.
Curious to hear from the types of people strangers online prefer keeping a distance from, Redditor KnownNormie asked:
"What type of person could you never be friends with?"
Some people like in the following examples should be put in their place.
Too Many Theatrics
"Someone who constantly makes everything dramatic."
– Anxiety_Ridden_Camel
Space Hoggers
"Someone who obviously doesn't care about anyone's boundaries."
– Jay4025
Embracing The Dark
"Guilt Trippers"
"Those who think its cool and edgy to be negative about everything."
– Stormflier
How can people who think the world revolves around them expect to maintain or gain friendships?
All About Me
"Self centered people."
–needtofreemyself
The One-Upper
"Yeah, that gets old really fast. I am a reformed one upper. I would also interrupt people. I was hard to take when I was younger. I didn’t learn to STFU until I was forced to take a sales job and discovered just how crap I was socially. The last twenty years I’ve gotten a lot better and now enjoy listening to other people’s stories more than telling my own."
– MobileAccountBecause
Not My Problem
"The one who always blame others."
– Reasonable-mcArdles
We could all benefit from personal growth.
They Wait For Life To Happen
"Someone who doesn’t want to learn more about life and its intricacies. I only want friends who think deeply about things and can have varied conversations on religion, politics, the world, and all of life. This life is too vast and insane not to seek depth in it.
– Glass-Philosopher302
Don't Take Life Too Seriously
"Someone who is always serious and can't take a joke. As well as someone who gets offended on the behalf of others."
– HoarderOfPaper
These are hard "no's."
You Can Bet Your Life On It
"a serial killer."
– LongjumpingReturn555
All Creatures Great And Small
"Someone who doesn't like animals."
– InterestingMall8958
It's complicated to categorize exactly the kind of person I would prefer to not to be friends with, but I know that one of my biggest pet peeves that can jeopardize how much effort I put into all kinds of relationships is a person's lack of punctuality.
It says a lot about an individual who is perpetually late outside of an acceptable window between 5 and 15 mins–with a heads up about their tardiness.
If they're always punctual in regards to work obligations and business meetings but very late to meeting up with you for a coffee date, you're clearly not important enough for them to make an effort to avoid keeping you waiting.
And I got no time for that.