Redditor Mister_DumDum asked:
"What's the worst weapon (but undeniably a weapon) to have in the Zombie Apocalypse?"
Reload!
"I’d imagine a Musket would suck."
"Makes a ton of noise and only get one shot with a long reload period."
GiphyAll choked up
"One of those assassin choke cables."
- zinglord69
"Garrote wire."
- USS-Missouri
"...piano wire...for...garroting."
- oyM8cunOIbumAciggy
Giphy
Been there, done that...
"A biological weapon that turns people into zombies."
- DavidHewlett
"So, a zombie?"
- Mouler
GiphySpicy
"Pepper spray. You have to be close enough to use it and once you do, they don't give a sh*t because they are dead and can't feel it."
- ghostiesontoasties
GiphySorry, Ash
"Chainsaw, too loud, too much maintenance to be good."
- TimSherrySucks
"I was gonna say chainsaw too."
"Incredibly dangerous to the user, you must get in close to use it, would get jammed up, need sharpening often and fling contaminated blood everywhere."
- polarbearrape
GiphyClean up on aisle...
"I work at a steel mill and one of the services we provide is melting down weapons involved in violent crimes that have been confiscated by police departments."
"So if everything they’ve brought to be melted down qualified as a weapon, my answer would be a Swiffer mop."
- SmartAlec105
"I love that confiscating and melting down that Swiffer was deemed necessary."
- Deracination
GiphyBut, does he die or not?
"Wolverine Claws, you eject them and slice up zombies, now they are covered in infected zombie blood, you retract them into your body, thereby infecting yourself with zombie virus."
- WAXnIT
"If it was wolverine then his healing factor would just make him even more deadly. An unstoppable force even."
- Bandit263
"Or continually self healing undead state."
- Mouler
GiphyRoundhouse or uppercut
"Brass knuckles."
"Imagine you punch a zombie in the face but he bites you in the process."
- Exene9
Giphy
There are definitely some things to consider here.
Does electricity or water or fire work against zombies?
I guess we'll have to wait and see.
Giphy
Redditor Fyre-Bringer asked:
"What's worse than stepping on a LEGO?"
Dr. Scholl's
"Dr. Scholl's wooden sandals we all wore back in the day, every so often the wooden sole would slip to the side so the tenderest, nerve-filled part of your foot would come down on the edge of the sandal."
"I swear I saw God."
- LakotaGrl
GiphyIt's electric
"Stepping on upturned electrical plug."
- LucyVialli
"My freshman year of college I jumped off my half-lofted bed straight into my computer charger. I didn't make a noise because my roommate was sleeping, but it hurt so bad."
"It was a circular plug and took a giant chuck out of my skin."
"I've stepped on tacks, needles, and glass before but this was definitely the worst of all of those because of how blunt the edges are."
- eyetis
GiphyMunch
"Accidentally biting a chunk off the inside of your cheek whilst eating."
- GLucey
"Biting so hard it crunches."
- Sandpaper_Pants
"Or lower lip.. then biting the same spot multiple times while it’s swollen and trying to heal."
- Tdawwg78
GiphyBump
"The only thing in existence that hurts more than stepping on a LEGO is getting hit in the ankle with the side of a scooter."
- Humble_Wonder937
"My little sister is a monster and bangs her stainless steel scooter into my feet on purpose because she thinks me wailing in pain is funny. I want to throw out that scooter so bad, but my parents will probably buy her another one."
- CrypticWeirdo9105
GiphyGlass
"A small thin shard of glass that breaks apart when tweezers pull on it."
- BassoHaase
"Metal in this scenario sucks too."
- RussianTanks
shatter good time GIF by A24GiphyMan's best saboteur
"Stepping on a hard dog chew that has the ability to roll at 3 a.m on the way to the bathroom."
- notsleptyet
"My dog has a knack for chewing her hard toys into sharp little f'ked up torture devices, and likes to carry them anywhere and everywhere around the house with her.
"So anyways, I don’t flop into bed face first anymore."
- misplacedvegetation
"YES, because you can also stub your toe on it, those suckers are HARD, and THEN step on it!!"
"Adds injury to injury, instead of insult to injury 😆"
- rhendon46
Giphy
Weaponized toys
"No one ever talks about stepping on Jacks. Those caltrop looking things."
- Nuclear_Mouse
"How about stepping on actual caltrops, meaning the plant? First time I ever did that it hurt so bad I broke out in a cold sweat."
- JuzoItami
Carlos. E. Serrano/Getty Images
Ewww...
"When you have socks on, go into your kitchen area, and step into 'wet'."
- CarderSC2
"I have a 2-year-old, 4-year-old, a dog and a kitten. Yup."
- p0atato
Giphy
These all sound pretty painful.
Do you have anything to add to the list?
Unless you want your romance to be literally "fleeting".
"Don’t fall in love in the airport."- mdrnsavg
It goes both ways
"Definitely don't sweat the petty things and absolutely don't pet the sweaty things." - User Deleted
Can save you money on buying new dolls
"Barbie clothes will fit on bananas."- highmaintenancebunny·
bananas in pajamas GIFGiphyQuit while you're ahead
"Don’t."
"Whatever you’re thinking, just don’t."- Hold_My_Anxiety
Same goes for your shoes.
"Don’t wear your socks in the shower, they’ll get wet."
There are no "losers" in life
"The answers are all made up and the points don't matter."- Sad_Thought_4642
video games kids GIF by Children's Miracle Network HospitalsGiphyIt's just polite!
"Hold the door."- WaCandor
In case of the need to carbo load!
"Save time with food prep by boiling all the water you need to make pasta for the week each Sunday and freezing it."- TennisADHD
It stops being as easy as it looks
"As you get older and have to get down on your knees (gardening, etc.), Bring a 5 gallon empty bucket to help you get back up."
"If you are too proud you can pretend that you are using it to carry tools."
"Being a young punk in my youth making fun of older people has caught up with me."- charlie2135
Stand Up Help GIF by FC Schalke 04GiphyKnow when to stop...
"Delete that really long text."- The-Zesty-Man
It's easy enough to dismiss these dubious words of wisdom as nothing more than a little frivolity.
But, best to keep all of them in the back of your mind.
After all, who knows, you never know what doing something as simple as holding the door might lead to.
Even the person who seems to be the calmest has that moment when their patience has run thin, and all it takes is a little more prodding and antagonizing to set them off.
Curious to hear examples of when strangers online were surprised by what they witnessed, Redditor Specktakles88 asked:
"Have you ever seen a normally calm person completely lose their sh*t? What happened?"
A triggering moment unleashed wild behavior.
The Dude Who Had It Coming
"I was chilling at a friend’s house as a kid. His dad was the chillest, nicest guy. That day, my friend’s mom (also super nice) was across the street talking to the neighbor about something that I can no longer recall. Neighbor was one of those guys who never respected common etiquette: music blaring, parking his sh**ty boat in front of other people’s house, cars parked on the lawn. The neighbor started screaming at the mom and we all went out on the stoop to see what was happening. As soon as we got outside, the guy called my friend’s mom a c*nt. Well, my friend’s dad heard that and went full Hulk mode. He ran SCREAMING across the street and just f'king decked the guy and crouched over him shouting warnings and threats. Took a while for his wife to calm him down. I don’t think any of them had ever seen him react to something in that way, maybe even the dad himself."
– Corporation_tshirt
Hot Kitchen
"I worked as a line cook with a chef who I became really good friends with. Really chill dude, easy going, and actually super fun to cook with. He taught me most of what I know about cooking and I owe him a lot for my success. Never really saw him get mad until one day, we were getting slammed during busy night and one of the servers said something that really ticked him off, not sure if I ever heard what it was, but next thing I knew he had sent the deep fryer basket flying at Mach 1 across the kitchen, nearly missing the dish kid and shattering a light bulb. He stormed off and 5 minutes later after a smoke break, came back and casually continued cooking as if nothing had happened."
"He apologized about it the next day and we never talked about it again. The restaurant industry is a stressful place."
– Nexteri
Thing About Grandpa
"When I was in my late teens I was financially irresponsible and borrowed money from my grandparents to move out of my mom's house. We made a plan on how I would pay it back in installments and I only missed two payments, with each one I called my granddad and asked if it was okay. He was always cool about it. One day I got a call from him and he was LIVID. Screaming at me on the phone and I could hear my grandmother crying in the background. He was the angriest I’ve ever heard anyone in my life and I was terrified. He wanted to know why I hadn’t made the payment that month, but I was sure I had. It turns out I had accidentally set the automated payment to be drawn from the wrong account and it hadn’t done it. It was an honest mistake on my part, and I explained that to him. I transferred the money immediately and he instantly calmed down. I later found out he had become an alcoholic after he quit smoking, and he would talk to my grandmother like that regularly when no one was around."
– kamaikaja
Awakening The Beast
"This is not my story but my dads. Growing up his best friend Leif was a quiet, shy guy that was a bit socially awkward. In school he wasn't physically bullied but this one kid teased him constantly. This would have been late 50's, early 60's so kids were expected to just tough it out. My dad would usually confront the kid but one day a girl runs up to him and says that Leif and the kid are fighting."
"My dad runs over to save Leif but when he breaks through the circle he finds the bully flat on his back, Leif sitting on his chest, holding him by the ears and smashing his head into the pavement over and over. My dad tackles him, wrestles him to the ground and screams at him, asking what he's doing. The thing that stayed with me from that story was how he described it, 'it was like there was nothing in there, I felt like I could see the back of his skull through his eyes.'"
"Luckily they were kids so the damage was serious but limited, the bully escaped with stitches and a concussion and Leif had to talk to the school psychologist. My dad and Leif stayed best friends and when I met him as an adult he was still quiet but less shy and awkward."
– Kenail_Rintoon
Work-related stresses really brought out the fury in these people.
The Beginning
"I had a friend who was in his 60's, a functioning alcoholic but he was the most calm and composed guy I have ever known. He never used to raise his voice or swear. Everything was done with meticulous precision."
"He once explained to me that if you use vulgar language and shout all the time, then you will have nowhere to go when you really do get angry."
"I had worked with him for about 3 years, never heard him raise his voice or swear before. The week before he had been shafted on his pay and the manager promised to get it sorted by Friday. Friday rolled around and it had not been sorted. So when my friend walked up to the manager in the open office and declared loudly 'Where the f'k is my money? You promised this would be resolved.' The whole office went silent and the look of dread on the manager's face was haunting. The money was in his account by the end of the day."
"That was him losing his sh*t."
– LinktoApop
Parting Words
"I used to see this woman in my building every day. Very friendly. We always checked on each other’s lives. We had lunch a few times over the years. It was friendly to a certain degree. A couple years passed. She was much older than me. One day, riding the elevator, she told me that she was saying goodbye. I said I was sorry to see her go and asked why. She said she was retiring that day. I asked if her office was throwing a party or if she was celebrated. She turned to me and her face contorted into an image of rage. She clenched her teeth and said she didn’t tell anyone in her office, including her bosses. She only told the HR person last week. This was her last day and she was never returning to see or talk to anyone in her office again."
– darthsnakeeyes
The Gentle Giant
"I used to do seasonal work sorting tax returns. Like, 500 people in a warehouse size room sorting through returns, stacking them in boxes, etc. This one guy on my team, huge dude, a gentle giant, really nice. Suddenly one day he smashes the table he's working at, then flips a big box full of paperwork. It flew over my head and twenty feet away. He threw the table out of his way them stormed out. Turns out he was getting his paycheck garnished for something or other."
– TheBelhade
Rambunctious behavior really set these people off, but it also restored peace.
The Teacher Who Had Enough
"One of my teachers in high school was THE calmest dude. Never yelled, never told kids off, would just laugh and smile and wait for us all to calm down and then continue with his teaching. One day we must have been particularly rowdy and we weren’t calming down like we usually did. He couldn’t get a word in edge ways. I could see him getting increasingly frustrated and eventually he just bellowed SHUUUUTTT UPPPPP And the entire class was shocked into silence. He never had to do it again lmao"
– shyaussiegirl26
Too Angry To Hold A Knife
"It takes a lot to make my mom yell. On the rare occasion she did yell, it still felt like she had self control. Like she yelled on purpose, because there was a reason to yell (like she needed to be that loud for us to hear us, or one of the kids needed to learn to never run into traffic again.)"
"But one morning when we were teenagers, my brother was being really, really difficult."
"And my very sweet, soft-spoken mother yelled 'GOD DAMN IT SHAWN' and threw a butter knife down so hard it stuck, 1/4 inch deep, in oak hardwood floor. Against the grain. I can still hear the noise it made."
"We were all very, very well behaved for the rest of the day."
"I did eventually ask my mom why she did that. Her explanation was that she felt she was too angry to hold a knife, even a butter knife, and was trying to get it out of her hand before she did something stupid."
– _Green_Kyanite_
Granny's Mean Streak
"Man my grandma has a similar thing. This boy was a couple years older than she was and he was constantly picking on her. He's riding his bike home from school one day and he rides past her and he's shouting at her and she knocks him right off his bike and beat the sh*t out of him. My sweet lil granny. The neighbor that saw it said he was proud as sh*t that she beat the snot out of this shitty kid lol. I think it was the start of my grandma's bad b*tch streak because not much later, she started street racing. She was allegedly a sweet little girl, but man I think she must have had a mean streak in her."
– Unsd
"Jerry Springer Christmas"
"My mom. We had what we now refer to as the 'Jerry Springer Christmas' when I was 7 or so. One aunt hated her sister in law and started screaming at her, then shoving started, husband's got involved, then it just continued to devolve from there. My mom went straight into mediator mode and tried to calm everyone down but it wasn't working. She decided to come check on us kids and found my cousin and me holding each other and sobbing because we were scared. The next thing I hear is her scary mom voice screaming over everyone 'listen here you motherf'kers. My kid is in there crying on Christmas because her family can't keep their sh*t together for one the one day a year we all see each other. You're gonna march your a**es into that room single file and apologize to each kid individually, then you're going to shut the hell up until I get them out of here. We're going to go find look at lights and this family better be the picture of goddam Christmas joy by the time we get back.' My mom never really cussed in front of me and only ever used gd when things were really bad. That side of the family didn't celebrate Christmas for a few years after that."
"Edit: thank you for the awards and kind words! Ma is tickled pink at all of the comments about how wonderful she is. I tell her every day how lucky I am to have her."
– thatspookyb*tch
Rage is something that exists in all of us.
Some people are good at letting small things run off their back, while others have no patience for the smallest of grievances.
The lesson to be learned here is, never underestimate the calmest people. They might be the ones to really look out for. You don't want to be the reason for them to break their patience streak and unleash all of their built-up fury on you.
Be kind to others, and just don't be a prick.