Warning: Some NSFW content ahead.

Security guards do have an important job. Generally, they are tasked with securing the premises and personnel by patrolling and monitoring surveillance equipment. They might verify visitors, too.

It seems pretty simple, right? Well, you can trust that other people don't make this particularly simple job very easy. Let's just say that just about every security guard out there has a story involving human feces.

People shared their stories with us after Redditor Conscious-Cause-2917 asked the online community,

"Dear security guards of Reddit: What was the most f**ked up thing you've ever seen on your shift?"

"When I told him he had to leave..."

"Saw a guy s****ing into a bucket all the way at the bottom of our parking garage. When I told him he had to leave he tripped on his bucket and his butt had what I assume was blood all over it. It was horrible."

"He then picked up the bucket and put it in his van unsecured so I'm almost positive it later spilled in his van. I asked if he was okay and he said yes and just left."


I wonder if he had ulcerative colitis. An unfortunate condition. He might have been very embarrassed.

"In public housing..."

"In public housing, there are a fair number of dead bodies that go unnoticed until they start to smell. In motels, there are a lot of domestic violence calls. One of the couples, usually the aggressor will attack security."

"Lots of sex workers and drug sales. This is universal in all types of motels, Motel 6 to the three star place. We aren't cops so there is little we can do other than call the cops."

"Another thing, we encounter way more out of place poop than we should."


This sounds like one dangerous assignment.

The "out of place poop" sounds like one of the more innocent elements of the job.

"Worked at a building..."

"Worked at a building that had an attached thrift store and saw a fire truck roll up to the entrance on the camera. Ran over to figure out what was going on, I had no calls or alarms going off.

"Turns out a morbidly obese customer had fallen off the toilet and gotten stuck between the toilet and the wall, and managed to call 911."

"The part I’d actually consider f**ked up was one of the firefighters pulled me aside after and said, 'We took a blanket off the rack to cover them up, but…you’re not going to want it back.'"


Probably not.

Hope you bought yourself a nice new one!

"I didn't see it..."

"I didn't see it but in our daily pass along there were warnings to be on the lookout for a woman s****ing in the stairwells."


There's something about the privacy of stairwells that inspires serial crappers, and it's always really horrifying when you come across it.

"We had a guy..."

"We had a guy who was s****ing in our parking stairwell. Had to call the police on him to get him to finally stop."


See what I mean? These people are utterly relentless!

"We had a dude just out of his mind..."

"Worked security at a concert venue. We had a dude just out of his mind on some kind of wild stuff and had to pull him out and put him on the ground and zip cuff him."

"He put his face to the ground and got a mouthful of rocks and started chewing. Could hear all his teeth breaking and falling out of his mouth with sooo much blood. And he was just smiling like the joker."

"Moderate your drug use."


This is horrifying.

Sorry you had to see that. Not something you'd easily forget.

"I work industrial..."

"A heroin OD. I work industrial, and it’s a whole mess of a story, but basically, this client employee ODed in a bathroom. During a power outage. While I was training a new guard on his first day."


Quite the first day he had.

Sorry you had to go through that.

The drug epidemic has had horrific consequences on society at large.

"I was patrolling..."

"Many years ago I worked armed security. I was patrolling at an abandoned refinery late one night when a silent alarm was tripped. I went to investigate it when a kid, no more than 19, drew down on me. I tried talking him down, but was unsuccessful."

"I tried so very hard. He was convinced that the copper he was trying to steal was worth more than his life. He shot at me and I returned fire. He missed me and I struck him in the head. Not one of my favorite memories."


Hopefully you've been able to have some therapy and find peace. Understandable that you don't like to think of it much.

"Someone had covered..."

"Someone had covered an entire restroom with feces."


Okay, so we've graduated from stairwells to restrooms. Got it. Gross.

"Once opened an electrical room..."

"Former security guard. Once opened an electrical room to a bunch of swastikas and racist stuff graffitied on the wall in human feces. Only know it was human poop from the smell and the fact that there was a guy in there trying to finish his 'art.'"


Okay, so now we've graduated from stairwells to restrooms and now electrical rooms. People will take their feces with them wherever they go, it seems.

While some security guards have quiet jobs where nothing ever happens (and probably get paid to sit around and watch Netflix), they are pretty much the minority.

Safe to say that people keep it... er... interesting wherever they go. Their feces might have something to do with that.

Have some stories of your own? Feel free to share them with us in the comments below!

Want to "know" more?

Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.

Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again.

What is it about someone that captivates you instantly?

Could it be the twinkle in their eye as they talk about their passions? Or perhaps its their overwhelming sense of humor that draws in everyone in the room?

Whatever it might be, everyone has that one trait, that one quality, that can make them instantly interesting to someone listening nearby.

Keep reading... Show less
Kraken Images/Unsplash

Turns out not all of us are interested in being benevolent Gods.

It's Reddit, so we're not exactly surprised, but we're suddenly glad divine cosmic powers don't work this way.

Keep reading... Show less

Are you like me and the 1990s were only 10 years ago?

Yes, I can do the math, but 1990 being 32 years ago still seems unreal.

Why is that?

Maybe it's the fact it marked the end of the 20th century and beginning of the 21st.

Either way, it just doesn't seem that long ago and the nostalgia for the trappings of the 1990s is strong.

Keep reading... Show less

You're probably going to be beat over the head with this as you read this charming article but bedbugs are a nightmare and they are always lurking (in the back of my mind) when I think about purchasing some items secondhand.

Some years ago, a relative brought in a stuffed animal and some other items off the street. Within days we had a bedbug issue.

It was thankfully resolved very quickly–good thing it was caught so early–but let's just say I dealt with phantom itch for a while.

Nooo thank you.

Keep reading... Show less