Warning: Some NSFW content ahead.

Security guards do have an important job. Generally, they are tasked with securing the premises and personnel by patrolling and monitoring surveillance equipment. They might verify visitors, too.

It seems pretty simple, right? Well, you can trust that other people don't make this particularly simple job very easy. Let's just say that just about every security guard out there has a story involving human feces.

People shared their stories with us after Redditor Conscious-Cause-2917 asked the online community,

"Dear security guards of Reddit: What was the most f**ked up thing you've ever seen on your shift?"

"When I told him he had to leave..."

"Saw a guy s****ing into a bucket all the way at the bottom of our parking garage. When I told him he had to leave he tripped on his bucket and his butt had what I assume was blood all over it. It was horrible."

"He then picked up the bucket and put it in his van unsecured so I'm almost positive it later spilled in his van. I asked if he was okay and he said yes and just left."

KtheAvenger

I wonder if he had ulcerative colitis. An unfortunate condition. He might have been very embarrassed.

"I work for a private security detail that’s armed at most locations for a week I was posted at a small psych ward for the graveyard shift and was made to patrol the building and the areas outside the building just in case someone snuck out of their room and was hiding in the back."

This had happened a few weeks before one night I went outside for a smoke break and it was about 2:55 am around that time and as I was walking around I heard a loud ass scream so me not being curious, I took my ass inside and said f*ck that and an hour goes by and it’s time to do my patrol and what looked to be a tall ass creature was sitting next to fhe dumpster they had outside of the building."

"I grabbed my gun and then instantly it took off into the woods on the side of the building."

CHIEF_JUJU6101

That's unsettling!

I tend to stay away from all of the local wildlife, friendly or otherwise.

"Worked as a guard..."

"Worked as a guard at a condo where we had to watch an unstable and highly violent individual that was a menace to other tenants to report anything and get him evicted. We would stay on his floor and would take shifts in turns of 12 hours."

"One day as I was getting off my break and swapping with the on-site patrol guard the guy came out of his unit and threatened us. He would normally do this and at this point I had gotten used to it. This time however the other guard was closer to him than someone would be normally as he was going down the elavator and the man was closer to the elevator."

"As we ignored him and I sat down, the man swung a big right at the other guard just as the elavator came and darted for it. Before I could do anything I called 911 and immediately checked for the guard's pulse. Fortunately he came back to his senses quickly, suffering just a concussion."

"The guy was evicted from the site after police where called and I never worked there again."

mobeenshah

This sounds like it could have been soooo much worse! At least he was actually evicted.

"In public housing..."

"In public housing, there are a fair number of dead bodies that go unnoticed until they start to smell. In motels, there are a lot of domestic violence calls. One of the couples, usually the aggressor will attack security."

"Lots of sex workers and drug sales. This is universal in all types of motels, Motel 6 to the three star place. We aren't cops so there is little we can do other than call the cops."

"Another thing, we encounter way more out of place poop than we should."

Mysterydumper

This sounds like one dangerous assignment.

The "out of place poop" sounds like one of the more innocent elements of the job.

"Worked at a building..."

"Worked at a building that had an attached thrift store and saw a fire truck roll up to the entrance on the camera. Ran over to figure out what was going on, I had no calls or alarms going off.

"Turns out a morbidly obese customer had fallen off the toilet and gotten stuck between the toilet and the wall, and managed to call 911."

"The part I’d actually consider f**ked up was one of the firefighters pulled me aside after and said, 'We took a blanket off the rack to cover them up, but…you’re not going to want it back.'"

ChopperC110P

Probably not.

Hope you bought yourself a nice new one!

"I didn't see it..."

"I didn't see it but in our daily pass along there were warnings to be on the lookout for a woman s****ing in the stairwells."

fallingintothesky09

There's something about the privacy of stairwells that inspires serial crappers, and it's always really horrifying when you come across it.

"We had a guy..."

"We had a guy who was s****ing in our parking stairwell. Had to call the police on him to get him to finally stop."

KtheAvenger

See what I mean? These people are utterly relentless!

"We had a dude just out of his mind..."

"Worked security at a concert venue. We had a dude just out of his mind on some kind of wild stuff and had to pull him out and put him on the ground and zip cuff him."

"He put his face to the ground and got a mouthful of rocks and started chewing. Could hear all his teeth breaking and falling out of his mouth with sooo much blood. And he was just smiling like the joker."

"Moderate your drug use."

Live2Lift

This is horrifying.

Sorry you had to see that. Not something you'd easily forget.

"I work industrial..."

"A heroin OD. I work industrial, and it’s a whole mess of a story, but basically, this client employee ODed in a bathroom. During a power outage. While I was training a new guard on his first day."

MrLanesLament

Quite the first day he had.

Sorry you had to go through that.

The drug epidemic has had horrific consequences on society at large.

"I was patrolling..."

"Many years ago I worked armed security. I was patrolling at an abandoned refinery late one night when a silent alarm was tripped. I went to investigate it when a kid, no more than 19, drew down on me. I tried talking him down, but was unsuccessful."

"I tried so very hard. He was convinced that the copper he was trying to steal was worth more than his life. He shot at me and I returned fire. He missed me and I struck him in the head. Not one of my favorite memories."

UndeadTribe

Hopefully you've been able to have some therapy and find peace. Understandable that you don't like to think of it much.

"Someone had covered..."

"Someone had covered an entire restroom with feces."

Droodster

Okay, so we've graduated from stairwells to restrooms. Got it. Gross.

"Once opened an electrical room..."

"Former security guard. Once opened an electrical room to a bunch of swastikas and racist stuff graffitied on the wall in human feces. Only know it was human poop from the smell and the fact that there was a guy in there trying to finish his 'art.'"

ThatDamnedGuy

Okay, so now we've graduated from stairwells to restrooms and now electrical rooms. People will take their feces with them wherever they go, it seems.

While some security guards have quiet jobs where nothing ever happens (and probably get paid to sit around and watch Netflix), they are pretty much the minority.

Safe to say that people keep it... er... interesting wherever they go. Their feces might have something to do with that.

Have some stories of your own? Feel free to share them with us in the comments below!

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