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Seasoned Fathers Share Their Best Advice For First Time New Dads

Where is my parenting instruction manual?

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Parenting is like, the hardest thing that has ever existed. Even worse, there is literally no right way to parent (though there are definitely several wrong ways) and every kid is different, leading to an intense feeling of "wtf am I doing."

In order to curb that feeling, u/GiggaWat asked Reddit:

Dads of reddit, what is your advice for new dads?

Here are some of those pieces of advice.

Not A Creature Was Stirring

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Do NOT have it dead silent in your home when your child is asleep. Do your normal routine or noise level or you end up with a child who is easily woken up by a mouse fart.

Love And Care

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  1. Don't worry if the kid doesn't respond to you for the first few weeks/months. It usually takes longer than bonding with the mom. It will happen I promise
  2. Just like previously posted.... everything is a phase and it will pass. Goes for the good and bad. Enjoy those late nights somehow because soon you will wish they did call for you and you could come to the rescue.
  3. My wife has to remind me all the time, they are babies and they don't know better. Remember this when you inevitably get frustrated with them. It's not personal
  4. Figure out something that you and only you do to help out. Mine was bath time. I gave my daughter every bath/shower except maybe 3 until she was 2 years old. Also always did morning bottle feeds. I liked being the first thing she sees in the morning.
  5. When buying things. Function>Form
  6. Take lots of video and pictures. Can never have too many and can never get them back if you don't.
  7. Try not to take your kid out to be handled in public unless necessary before 3 months. If they get sick and you go to the ER with a high fever because their immune system can't handle the world yet, they will do a spinal tap and it will break your heart putting them in that much pain.
  8. Ask questions, who cares if you feel dumb for asking. We have all done it and it's better to be safe than sorry.

Why Am I Crying?

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Hungry

Tired

Nappy

Want to suck on something

Bored

Scared

It's probably one of them.

It's A Hard Journey

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I've got a 4 and a 5 year old. Here are my bits of advice...

  • Depending on your work schedule try and be there for the night feeds. My wife struggled staying awake to feed, so it was helpful for me to stay up, watch TV and talk to help keep her from falling asleep with baby in arms
  • Help out and be as hands on as you can
  • Try to keep your cool and don't lose your temper (this can be hard with sleep deprivation!)
  • Your wife/partner will most likely be absolutely f-cked. Try and give her regular breaks by taking baby for a walk or to the shops. This is good baby bonding time for you too
  • Babies need constant attention which can be draining on both you and your relationship. It's important to remain a team and talk as much as you can. If you have family or friends that can have baby for a little while, it's good to have a bit of alone time together.
  • Remember that everything is not permanent and things come in phases. The being woken up in the middle of the night, being pissed all over, changing 15 nappies a day, not having a moment to yourself. Things may seem hard right now, but don't stress over it to much, it's all a phase.

Hope this helps!

Hit Ze Gym

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Get in shape now. You'll be carrying a lot more stuff and will be chasing you kid around soon enough.

Practice What You Preach

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The biggest thing I've probably learned from being a step-dad is if you want them to clean their room, you have to keep your room clean too. I mean that metaphorically too. You have to be a role model for the behaviors you want them to have.

Days Are Long But Years Are Short

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The micro goes by very slowly. The macro is like light speed.

Motion Of The Ocean

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Cannot stress this enough. wipe front to back. And get some baby tenderparts cream(i forget what it is called), that way you won't have to wake as much. And more importantly the baby will feel better.

Sharing Responsibility

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Take over the mental load from your partner.

It's invisible work that goes unnoticed - the knowing what is coming, what jabs and immunisations there needs to be, what appointments are going to be happening, what needs to be prepared and ready every day.

You can do the chores, and that stuff will get visually noticed by everyone and it'll feel good and is definitely helpful. But if you're not involved in the thinking and planning side of things then it will just be a drain on your partner.

So make sure that there are enough clean clothes for everyone, that bags are packed and ready for leaving the house, that spare changes of clothing are ready - your partner and child will love you for it cos everything will run far smoother.

Other than that, at least half the night waking where possible and whatever it takes to get through the day without crying.

Fall Down Tired

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A little advice I learned from an Army Ranger: never stand when you can lean, never lean when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, never lie down when you can nap.

Growing Pains

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Spend as much time as you can with your kids. They grow up so fast.

Multiple Roles

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Don't forget to still be a good husband, as well as good dad.

Always Learning

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A few years down the road when they are older, they will challenge you. Allow them to be a vehicle of self reflection and change for you. Why are you saying no? What are your preconceived ideas about parenting; about discipline; about life? My two girls made me do so much self reflection while they were growing up. I learned so much about myself through their presence in my life.

Always Stay Calm

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I can give you a couple pieces of advice that I have used from day one, and I have an amazing relationship with my son now.

  1. Try teach your child as much as possible from as young as you can. They will ask a million questions because everything is brand new and interesting to them. So many parents I've seen just ignore kids or tell them to be quiet when they feel like they keep asking questions, but they are missing out on so many teachable moments! Everything you do is something they can learn. If you go outside with them and you see a cool bug, Google it and explain what it is. When you are cooking, let them follow the recipe with you and see how it's done. When it's time to shave, let them watch. All of this will leave a massive impression on them, and will lead to so many good memories later.
  2. Be understanding. Your kid is a brand new, blank slate driven by emotions. You can teach them as well as you can, but they are still their own unique person. They will make mistakes, argue, get upset, throw tantrums, and frustrate you. Instead of getting angry and reacting with it, stay calm and try to figure out where the behavior is coming from. Wether it's hunger, fatigue, too much TV time, not enough attention, or significant life changes, there is almost always a reason for behavior issues. You will get better results with your little one if you talk about what's wrong and help them through it than you will by yelling at them, or punishing them to make them stop. You will also build a foundation of trust that will make it easier to communicate honestly as they get older as well.

Bonds

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Don't freak out if you don't initially bond with the kid right away. It's often not instantaneous for men ...it took about 2 weeks for me to start bonding, and from there they became my everything.

It's Not About You

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I don't care if you're tired or having a sh-tty day. Read with your child.

Hugs: Always Welcome

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Just hug them. There's never a wrong time.

Save Some Money, Save Your Sanity

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Don't panic.

Also, never buy new clothes and toys for babies. Shop at consignment sales.

Worry Tree

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Get a worry tree. What's that you ask? It's from a story someone told me a long time ago (I don't believe anyone knows the origin).

A handyman I hired to help me do some work around the house had a rough day. He'd gotten a flat on the way over to the house, a power tool stopped working, and he couldn't get his truck started at quitting time. I offered to drive him home, and he sat in taciturn silence the whole drive.

When we got to his house he gruffly invited me in to meet his family. Halfway up the sidewalk he stopped at a small tree, touching different branches here and there. Then he took a deep breath, finished the walk up to the house and opened the front door. Suddenly, he was a different person; he was all smiles as he hugged his two small children and gave his wife a kiss.

He introduced me, and I enjoyed meeting his wife and kids. As we walked back to my car past the tree, my curiosity kicked in. I asked about tree-touching ceremony.

He said, "That's my worry tree. I know sometimes I'm gonna have bad days, but my worries are mine, not my family's. So every night when I come home and walk past that tree I just hang my worries on it instead of taking them in the house with me. Then in the morning I pick them up again."

"Most times," he smiled, "when I go to pick 'em up in the morning there ain't as many hangin' there as I remember from the night before."

Take A Back Seat

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Don't presume that you're going to 'create' your child's personality; that sh-t comes factory-installed!

People Reveal The Weirdest Thing About Themselves

Reddit user Isitjustmedownhere asked: 'Give an example; how weird are you really?'

Let's get one thing straight: no one is normal. We're all weird in our own ways, and that is actually normal.

Of course, that doesn't mean we don't all have that one strange trait or quirk that outweighs all the other weirdness we possess.

For me, it's the fact that I'm almost 30 years old, and I still have an imaginary friend. Her name is Sarah, she has red hair and green eyes, and I strongly believe that, since I lived in India when I created her and there were no actual people with red hair around, she was based on Daphne Blake from Scooby-Doo.

I also didn't know the name Sarah when I created her, so that came later. I know she's not really there, hence the term 'imaginary friend,' but she's kind of always been around. We all have conversations in our heads; mine are with Sarah. She keeps me on task and efficient.

My mom thinks I'm crazy that I still have an imaginary friend, and writing about her like this makes me think I may actually be crazy, but I don't mind. As I said, we're all weird, and we all have that one trait that outweighs all the other weirdness.

Redditors know this all too well and are eager to share their weird traits.

It all started when Redditor Isitjustmedownhere asked:

"Give an example; how weird are you really?"

Monsters Under My Bed

"My bed doesn't touch any wall."

"Edit: I guess i should clarify im not rich."

– Practical_Eye_3600

"Gosh the monsters can get you from any angle then."

– bikergirlr7

"At first I thought this was a flex on how big your bedroom is, but then I realized you're just a psycho 😁"

– zenOFiniquity8

Can You See Why?

"I bought one of those super-powerful fans to dry a basement carpet. Afterwards, I realized that it can point straight up and that it would be amazing to use on myself post-shower. Now I squeegee my body with my hands, step out of the shower and get blasted by a wide jet of room-temp air. I barely use my towel at all. Wife thinks I'm weird."

– KingBooRadley

Remember

"In 1990 when I was 8 years old and bored on a field trip, I saw a black Oldsmobile Cutlass driving down the street on a hot day to where you could see that mirage like distortion from the heat on the road. I took a “snapshot” by blinking my eyes and told myself “I wonder how long I can remember this image” ….well."

– AquamarineCheetah

"Even before smartphones, I always take "snapshots" by blinking my eyes hoping I'll remember every detail so I can draw it when I get home. Unfortunately, I may have taken so much snapshots that I can no longer remember every detail I want to draw."

"Makes me think my "memory is full.""

– Reasonable-Pirate902

Same, Same

"I have eaten the same lunch every day for the past 4 years and I'm not bored yet."

– OhhGoood

"How f**king big was this lunch when you started?"

– notmyrealnam3

Not Sure Who Was Weirder

"Had a line cook that worked for us for 6 months never said much. My sous chef once told him with no context, "Baw wit da baw daw bang daw bang diggy diggy." The guy smiled, left, and never came back."

– Frostygrunt

Imagination

"I pace around my house for hours listening to music imagining that I have done all the things I simply lack the brain capacity to do, or in some really bizarre scenarios, I can really get immersed in these imaginations sometimes I don't know if this is some form of schizophrenia or what."

– RandomSharinganUser

"I do the same exact thing, sometimes for hours. When I was young it would be a ridiculous amount of time and many years later it’s sort of trickled off into almost nothing (almost). It’s weird but I just thought it’s how my brain processes sh*t."

– Kolkeia

If Only

"Even as an adult I still think that if you are in a car that goes over a cliff; and right as you are about to hit the ground if you jump up you can avoid the damage and will land safely. I know I'm wrong. You shut up. I'm not crying."

– ShotCompetition2593

Pet Food

"As a kid I would snack on my dog's Milkbones."

– drummerskillit

"Haha, I have a clear memory of myself doing this as well. I was around 3 y/o. Needless to say no one was supervising me."

– Isitjustmedownhere

"When I was younger, one of my responsibilities was to feed the pet fish every day. Instead, I would hide under the futon in the spare bedroom and eat the fish food."

– -GateKeep-

My Favorite Subject

"I'm autistic and have always had a thing for insects. My neurotypical best friend and I used to hang out at this local bar to talk to girls, back in the late 90s. One time he claimed that my tendency to circle conversations back to insects was hurting my game. The next time we went to that bar (with a few other friends), he turned and said sternly "No talking about bugs. Or space, or statistics or other bullsh*t but mainly no bugs." I felt like he was losing his mind over nothing."

"It was summer, the bar had its windows open. Our group hit it off with a group of young ladies, We were all chatting and having a good time. I was talking to one of these girls, my buddy was behind her facing away from me talking to a few other people."

"A cloudless sulphur flies in and lands on little thing that holds coasters."

"Cue Jordan Peele sweating gif."

"The girl notices my tension, and asks if I am looking at the leaf. "Actually, that's a lepidoptera called..." I looked at the back of my friend's head, he wasn't looking, "I mean a butterfly..." I poked it and it spread its wings the girl says "oh that's a BUG?!" and I still remember my friend turning around slowly to look at me with chastisement. The ONE thing he told me not to do."

"I was 21, and was completely not aware that I already had a rep for being an oddball. It got worse from there."

– Phormicidae

*Teeth Chatter*

"I bite ice cream sometimes."

RedditbOiiiiiiiiii

"That's how I am with popsicles. My wife shudders every single time."

monobarreller

Never Speak Of This

"I put ice in my milk."

– GTFOakaFOD

"You should keep that kind of thing to yourself. Even when asked."

– We-R-Doomed

"There's some disturbing sh*t in this thread, but this one takes the cake."

– RatonaMuffin

More Than Super Hearing

"I can hear the television while it's on mute."

– Tira13e

"What does it say to you, child?"

– Mama_Skip

Yikes!

"I put mustard on my omelettes."

– Deleted User

"Oh."

– NotCrustOr-filling

Evened Up

"Whenever I say a word and feel like I used a half of my mouth more than the other half, I have to even it out by saying the word again using the other half of my mouth more. If I don't do it correctly, that can go on forever until I feel it's ok."

"I do it silently so I don't creep people out."

– LesPaltaX

"That sounds like a symptom of OCD (I have it myself). Some people with OCD feel like certain actions have to be balanced (like counting or making sure physical movements are even). You should find a therapist who specializes in OCD, because they can help you."

– MoonlightKayla

I totally have the same need for things to be balanced! Guess I'm weird and a little OCD!

Close up face of a woman in bed, staring into the camera
Photo by Jen Theodore

Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.

Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?

But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.

It would be so great to be sure there is something else.

But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.

Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:

"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"

Sensations

Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy

"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."

PeachesnPain

Recovery

"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."

"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."

"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."

good_golly99

Take Me Back

"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."

"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."

rayrayrayray

Free

The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy

"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."

TooReDTooHigh

This is why I hate surgery.

You just never know.

Shocked

Giphy

"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."

Admirable_Buyer6528

The SOB

"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."

"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”

1-cupcake-at-a-time

Colors

"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"

Hannah_LL7

"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"

huntokarrr

The Fog

"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."

"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."

Fluffy-Hotel-5184

Through the Walls

"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."

"She's quite alive and well today."

Hot-Refrigerator6583

Well let's all be happy to be alive.

It seems to be all we have.

Man's waist line
Santhosh Vaithiyanathan/Unsplash

Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.

The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.

Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.

Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:

"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"

Redditors didn't see these coming.

Shiver Me Timbers

"I’m always cold now!"

– Telrom_1

"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."

– r7ndom

"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."

– mr_remy

Drawing Concern

"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."

– dee-fondy

"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"

"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."

– LizardofDeath

Unleashing Insults

"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”

"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."

– alanamablamaspama

Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight

"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."

– KeltarCentauri

"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."

– KatMagic1977

"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."

– Jaew96

These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.

Shopping

"I can buy clothes in any store I want."

– WaySavvyD

"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."

– ganache98012

No More Symptoms

"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."

– colleennicole93

Expanding Capabilities

"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."

– Ramblonius

People Change Their Tune

"How much nicer people are to you."

"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"

– LiZZygsu

"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"

"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"

– awholedamngarden

It's gonna take some getting used to.

Bones Everywhere

"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."

– Princess-Pancake-97

"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."

– bekastrange

Knee Pillow

"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."

– snic2030

"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."

– Strongbad23

More Mobility

"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."

"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."

– dma1965

People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.

But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.

That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.