Courts of law were not made for friendly interactions.
Being taken to court is awful. It's scary, it's taxing, it's expensive. And you're basically playing a giant game where only one person really knows all the rules and depending which side of the table you're on, you're being forced to play defense.
Good luck to you if you ever land in that situation.
Here were some of the answers.
Trigger warnings: drugs, sexual assault, addiction, violence.
A witness for the plaintiff in a civil suit, who was a co-worker of the plaintiff testified very strongly against the company and in favor of the plaintiff. I questioned her about bias toward the plaintiff, if they knew each other well, were friends, etc. She said, no just friendly co-workers, "work friends" at best. I pinned her to it.
When I got a chance to cross-examine the plaintiff, she had no choice but to burn her witnesses credibility, because no only were they very close friends, but they had become sisters in law just a few years before. (no, they did not have the same last name or anything, but I had done my homework).
I still don't get why people want to fight small bias, by destroying their credibility, but ... it happens more than you'd think.
Law And Order
I had this one moment that is my favorite to share so excuse me if it is floating around reddit already.
I was litigating a custody dispute on behalf of the mother in an incredibly conservative jurisdiction. One of the most common ways to get custody was to allege sex or porn addiction because the threshold for it was basically non existent.
For this hearing however, we lucked out with the judge, who I knew from other cases. Opposing counsel tried to "gotcha!" Me into settling before the hearing by showing me surprise sexts between mom and her new boyfriend. This is, of course, not law and order and you can't introduce surprise evidence. So we go through with the hearing, I object to the sexts, but say I would allow them to be ready into the record, in their entirety.
So the uptight very conservative local attorney gets to spend the next twenty five minutes or so reading sexts in open court occasionally asking if she could gloss over parts but no, I didn't feel it would be appropriate. I'll never forget hearing her struggle with the word nipple. It's not even a dirty word!
But this was like the third hearing we had to amend custody because this guy felt his ex wife having a boyfriend meant she was a sex addict. They alleged the sexts happened while the kid was in Mom's custody. But they based that on the timestamp of the screenshots. The timestamp on the texts was clearly at a time when the kid was not even around and mom was safe to get freaky over the phone.
The judge had heard enough of this and awarded attorneys fees and put in the order, consistent with the vexatious litigant statute, that if dad would continue to be liable for her attorneys fees if he kept pushing this.
It was the only joy I got from practicing family law.
Things Of The Past
Too many criminal client situations to count of them screwing themselves over. One of the very few family law cases I handled as a young attorney sticks out to me though.
Young woman and Young man have Child. Young woman seeks divorce from young man because he enjoys the "thug life", he had recently been arrested and charged for possession w/ int to distribute meth (felony) and in possession of a firearm (unlawful carry). Young man doesn't like her leaving him. He hires a local big name top divorce atty (granted, very rural area). Gets temp divorce order entered saying she can not have overnight guests of the opposite sex (common in rural conservative areas, think it's mostly a thing of the past in more urban places).
Young woman starts seeing someone new. Young man is very upset about this. Has his fancy lawyer ask for a hearing accusing her of violating court order and seeking full custody, on top of atty fees. Young woman, on advice from a mutual friend, hires me for this hearing. I sit down with opposing counsel, and she basically tries to strong arm me w/ her experience and lays out egregious terms...mother must not only give up primary custody, but must have visitation with a supervisor and pay child support and atty fees. She knows I'm a new baby atty in town (fairly certain I had been licensed for less than a year). I balk and she says she'll see us in court.
I go into hearing with a copy of his probation arrangement on his Possession w/ Intent to sell & unlawful carry. He hasn't told his atty about this, and she is unaware. She calls him up establishes how my client had her new bf over on x,y,z nights. Judge is VERY conservative, not pleased.
Then, opposing counsel passes the witness. I ask him if he has a job. No. What do you do for money? Things here and there. Oh? Ms. opposing counsel is awfully expensive...Do you sell meth?","...What?", "Have you ever sold drugs to make ends meet?", "Uhhh no." Introduce a copy of his guilty plea and straight probation sentencing. Judge is now staring daggers at him. I lean over to my client sitting next to me, and whisper, "if you took a drug test today, be honest, would you be completely clean?" "Yes."
I ask the Young man, "When was the last time you did meth", atty objects, but Judge overrules...I know this judge will drug test people on the spot as he is also the misdemeanor drug court judge. "It's been years, I'm clean.", "So, if you were tested, you'd be clean?" "Yes." Opposing counsel asks the same of my client, we agree. Judge has them both tested. He tests positive for meth. My client is clean.
Judge denies his motion, and asks me to send in new temp orders where young man is required to maintain employment and start paying child support and places him on supervised visits.
Icing on the cake, opposing counsel actually calls me and leaves me a voicemail congratulating me on, and I quote, "handing her behind to her for the first time in a long time."
Not my case, but my dad's. He was the equivalent of a Public Defender decades ago. There was this guy that would get caught for being drunk in public, public lewdness, etc. EVERY weekend. He seemed to draw the same judges and was pretty well known to everyone in the courthouse as an absolute lost cause. One of the "regular" judges had him appear in his court again. The judge is ready to give him a prison sentence because he was driving a car this time, but the guy starts crying that he finally got a job out of town and was trying to turn his life around. Judge tells him as long as he never makes a mistake "in my town again" he would just drop the charges.
Well sure as hell the guy shows up the following Monday. Same judge. Driving drunk AGAIN. My dad now has his case. The judge tells him he gave him his final chance, to which the guy sobs and replies "I was leaving town, your Honor. But my friends decided to throw me a going-away party." The judge was not amused. My dad had to do everything he could to not laugh.
Remorse To The Ground
This is my boss's story
They had a drunk-driver-kills-a-car-worth-of-people case at the time when they were a general practitioner. My boss was representing the family that got hit (one where the two kids and the wife had died, but the father had not) and wanted the college guy's drunk-driving skin to be mounted on a wall.
This was back before Facebook was commonly used in Court proceedings and before tons of people realized that it is too great for any attorney worth their weight in salt to pass up.
So, the kid (drunk driving college kid) had managed to get the judge's sympathy during the first part of the hearing by saying he was sorry, haunted, never going to drink again, this was going to ruin his life, etc. The judge seemed to really be eating it up.
Then comes my boss and immediately burns this kid's remorse to the ground by showing numerous Facebook statuses and photos of them binge drinking, partying, and even joking about driving drunk from the date of the accident up until a night ago. The kid looked like he was being forced to swallow hot coals and the judge was absolutely livid.
Needless to say, the kid had to do way more than just apologize and be remorseful after that.
Someone I knew had a pro deo case where she had to defend a person who had been charged with a criminal offense (don't know what, confidential and whatnot).
Even though the police and DA could pretty much pinpoint the crime to her client, there was no evidence to tie him to the crime, circumstancial at best.
She had instructed him to shut up and let her do the talking during the trial, as from experience the client sometimes does not know how to answer a question properly. She pleads and can show that the court has nothing on her client, she feels that for once, a pro deo case is going her way.
After her plea, the judge thanks her for her plea and turns to her client. He asks if the client had something to add to the plea. Client looks at her, back at the judge, tears well up in his eyes and he blurts out: "I'm so sorry, I'll never do it again!"
She threw her notes and everything else she had in her hands at the client (now convict) apparently. She basically got screwed by her own client, who screwed himself even worse.
I'm currently representing a sweet old lady on a case. I'll be sparse in the details in case anyone figures out who I am.
Long story short, this lady's neighbour convinces her that her house is basically unsellable, that her house requires all sorts of repairs, the repairs to the house would bankrupt her, and that she should just sell the house. To him.
He shows up at her house the next day with documents to sign. She has no idea what's going on. Doesn't read anything (actually has an eye condition) and signs everything.
When she finally sees a lawyer to close the deal, he says wtf you can't do this. You see, the price of the transaction was about 36% of what the house is actually worth and there weren't any repairs that needed to be done that would justify the price. Not kidding, it was stuff like fixing a faucet in the bathroom.
Also she didn't understand that she would have nowhere to live afterwards. Old lady thought she could just stay in the house until she died.
To make matters worse, she's living off a modest pension and the other side is suing for the house. They're essentially trying to get her to cave because her legal fees are getting exorbitant.
I hate people.
No Time Like No Time At All
A friend kept meticulous records of how much time his estranged wife spent with their daughter. He used pink highlighter for Mom and blue highlighter for himself.
Mom sailed into arbitration demanding full custody and handsome child support and the house. Dad pulled out three years's worth of year long calendars. Mom had spent less than a full month with the child in three years.
Mom was not happy with the outcome.
A wife filed for a restraining order because she wanted the house during divorce. Husband has good job, like 200k per year. Employer finds out about restraining order, husband is fired. He was very specialized employee so only job he can find close to to house, ex-wife, and daughter is 50k.
House gets foreclosed. Child support at less than $500 per month. Wife has to get job as waitress. Four cars get repossessed.
Don't let people fool you. Shade is shade is shade. An insult wrapped in a buttery prose is still a knife meant to slash, no matter how fetching the vocabulary.
If it sounds like a barb, it was. That is not to say that the act of subtly jabbing others, particularly in public, isn't itself an art form. Some of the best people I know can throw scolding tea on someone and the recipient will still believe they're standing in front of the witnesses bone dry.
We've all found little ways here and there to let people know how we really feel, but the insult detector on the receiving end has gotten better over generations.
Redditor u/jrabbit33 wanted to hear best shade they've been sent or witness to, by asking:
What are things that sound like compliments, but are actually insults?
I love a good backhanded comment. Doesn't matter if I'm catching it (which I usually am) or throwing it. It livens up the day. So bring me to the savagery.
Mirror MirrorJessica Lange Beauty GIF by FeudGiphy
"I love how you'll just wear anything."
The Courage You Have
"Had an ex-manger say my haircut was "brave" because I shaved half my head because I thought it looked cool. "Brave" was really code for "Wow. I think you're stupid for doing that and I'm going to be an a**hole about it."
"One of my favorite CosTubers did that about a week ago--Morgan Donner. She was doing a video about the history of hairstyles and kept cutting her butt length hair shorter and shorter, eventually buzzing it off completely. And I was like, "OMG YOUR BEAUTIFUL HAIR!"
WordsRead Beauty And The Beast GIFGiphy
"I have learning difficulties. I've had people say to me when they hear I am a writer "Wow, I'm so impressed someone like you can read!"
"Not a compliment. At all. Lol"
"Related to that is, "You clean up nice". It's basically saying you usually dress and look like crap."
"With all due respect… [place rest of non-respectful sentence here]."
Oh honey. I'm familiar with many of those. We as a society are a mess. I say that with all due respect.
Days Gone ByNo Way Wow GIF by Disney ChannelGiphy
"You look good for your age."
"That dress actually makes you look good."
"Good for you."
You & MeCbs Flirt GIF by Paramount+Giphy
"Why am I weirdly attracted to you?"
"I've found that, if it's preceded with a head tilt and a "ahhhh…" that's usually a sincere "Bless Your Heart". However, if someone says "well just bless your heart," you just got owned or are about to be owned."
You're not worth it...
"You have so much potential…. Meaning you ain't worth a f**k yet."
"I had a manager who constantly used to use that as an excuse to be extra jerkish to me. He said "I can see your potential, so I'm pushing you to do better" like somehow berating me constantly would make me want to work harder. I'm not wasting my potential stocking out a freaking Big Lots taking home less than $10 an hour, Greg. You're not worth it."
Luckyrude bon qui qui GIFGiphy
"It's a good thing you're pretty. One of my teacher's in high school liked to tell me I need to marry someone rich as an insult. I thought it was kinda funny actually."
This is why so many of us no longer have friends. Be nice out there and try to keep the savage chatter to a minimum. Or at the very least, just to those who deserve it.
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Never take your kids to see horror films.
Traumatized Redditors recall some of the most horrific images seen on the screen when they were kids and have grown into adults who are still afraid of the dark.
"What was a movie that traumatized you as a child?"
Don't be fooled by family-friendly films from the 60s through the 80s. There's nothing G-rated about these films.
The Flying Car
"Chitty Chitty Bang Bang the kid-catcher kept me up at night."
"The scariest part of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang was the creepy scene where they pretend to be clockwork dolls. Gave me nightmares about dolls for years and they still creep me out."
"The Neverending Story. The Swamp of Sorrows, the Sphinxes and the knight's corpse, the giant syringe for Falkor, and goddamn Gmork, especially that scene in that cave..."
"It used to be on the Disney Channel a lot in the early 90s, and if I saw something that thought even might be that movie coming on, I'd run to turn the TV off in a panic."
Not About Cute Bunnies
"My parents thought it was a cute cartoon about rabbits. Had no idea how violent and disturbing it was."
"This is the only correct answer."
"I also thought it was a cute bunny movie."
"I'm almost forty and f'k that movie to this day."
Not In Kansas Again
"Return to Oz. My grandparents bought it thinking it was going to be like the first one. Spoiler: it isn't. Comes complete with wheelies( these things that had long bicycle wheels as arms) a headless witch, and a talking jack-o-lantern that gets tied to a couch that can fly."
Golden Ticket To Terror
"Interestingly enough, I was always terrified of Willy wonka and the chocolate factory. When I watched it, I was the only one able to understand that it was child murder. Also I couldn't make it past the violet blueberry scene."
These scary films—one of which is oddly a music video—have scenes that kept people up at night for years.
The Moonwalking Werewolf
"Not a movie, but the Thriller music video by Michael Jackson at the part where he turns into a werewolf is the scariest most disturbing thing to this day."
That Bloody Indy Scene
"I walked in on my parents watching indiana Jones and the temple of doom. The exact moment was the scene with the guys heart being ripped out which scared me for years. Didn't know what film it was until I stumbled on the scene on YouTube a year ago!"
"Far far far from it bro lol. They rereleased the exorcist in theaters in 2000. I was 7. For some reason I'll never understand my dad took me and my cousin to watch this. We literally ran out the theaters crying when she floated and her head spinned. She was my main nightmare , I was scared of dark because of her. She's still my main fear if I'm in the dark lol"
People Avoided The Water After Seeing This
"Jaws. Was taken to see it as a kid in 1975, so I would have been around 6 years old. I spent the next year or two sleeping with my legs tucked up tightly beneath me, coz you know... bed sharks!"
"Also the scene with the head popping out of the sunken boat, I don't think I have ever been as shocked by a jump scare since."
Japanese horror films contain haunting images that are indelible.
The Wretched Curse
"The grudge. I'm 21 now and still afraid of attics until this day ."
Murderous Video Tape Footage
"I saw the Ring when I was 18. I told my boyfriend I wanted to leave within the first 15 minutes and he made me stay anyway. I spent the next few months in absolute freaking terror."
"It's been 20 years and just thinking about that girl makes me sleep with the lights on."
The market of product delivery is a fickle, sometimes senseless beast. There have been so many fads, inventions and ideas that everyone was sure would revolutionize the world. Moments of creative advertising and strategic planning and unveiling go into the perfect introduction. The budgets are blown are cash is thrown.
The heralding of something new and innovative is trumpeted. The hype is big and the anticipation high. Then every once in a while... THUD! What was to be the next big thing is the next big floppy disaster.
Redditor u/MexPoosyConoisseur wanted to compare notes on the items that left us disappointed, by asking:
What was hugely hyped up but flopped?
In my medium of art (film/tv/theatre/literature) the hype/flop game is the norm more times than we care to admit. Sending art to the masses is always a gamble. And every gamble has a loser.
I'll do Diet!90s 1990s GIF by PepsiGiphy
"When the Segway came out I remember an expert on Good Morning America saying that they would design cities around it in the future, instead of cars. Before it was called a Segway it was referred to as 'the thing' and new information about it was treated like freaking nuclear codes."
It's a Negative....
"Google+. It stayed in invitation only phase for way too long. By the time it was open to everyone, people forgot about it and it flopped."
"They also forced you to use it if you had any other kind of google account so people naturally resisted it. What they didn't understand is that people use other social media websites if they have something unique to offer. Unfortunately now it seems like every social media site is copycatting each other."
"I still remember 3D TVs were supposed to be the next "technological leap" or something. Even the World Cup was broadcasted in 3D. Then it just died out."
"Not just TV, but that era where every movie had a 3D version in theatres. As someone who wore glasses and is nearsighted, I was never able to watch them."
Yeah I gave up on cat toys early on, and dog toys. My dogs have never really been into stuffed animals, or squeaky balls. Thank God. And I always thought the Segway was weird and unstable.
Bad MovesTaylor Kitsch What GIFGiphy
"The Nivelle Offensive It was hyped to win WW1 for France in 48 hours. Instead it was so bad that it started a mutiny, got Nivelle fired, and had casualty numbers an order of magnitude higher than expected."
"Atkins diet-esque food items at fast food restaurants in like 2008 or whatever it was. They came and they went like the wind I remember KFC tried to get in the game at the time by claiming their chicken was healthy because it was low in carbs. That went down like a lead balloon."
"Juicero. The ultimate culmination of unicorn companies that make no sense."
"It was partially bankrolled by GOOGLE and I heard that people speculated that the DRM thing it had was so Google could harvest user data. That's gotta be the dumbest way to do that ever why would Google care about people's organic glorified juice box preferences."
"Ooooh. When I read that word, it rang a bell so I looked it up. I remember seeing advertisements for that thing. I think I remember seeing a video of someone opening up their packets and showing it was just... A mush. That you pressed to get a drink out of."
Not so Slender...
"The 2018 Slender Man movie... I remember before it came out it had like a 92% want to see on rotten tomatoes after it came out it got a 17% liked it."
"Honestly the movie shouldn't have been PG13. An R rating (which as far as I know was actually the original focus) would've been much better, as then the movie would've been more like the creepypasta and not like a child's fanfiction. It sucks the R rating was cut but "wOUlD sOMeOnE tHiNK oF tHE ChIlDrEN?????????????"
The Huntgeraldo rivera man GIF by South Park Giphy
"Geraldo Rivera's special Mystery of Al Capone's vault in the 1980s. 💩"
Well on paper they all sounded like good ideas. Maybe the issue lies in the execution. Try again perhaps? Except Slender Man and Geraldo. No, just no.
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Subtext can truly be key when you can't say what's actually beneath the surface. We all know when we say, "I'm fine," we don't actually mean it. So how can we convey that with the phrase, "f*ck off"?
We all want to say it sometimes. Just a big f*ck off to that person who's annoyed the living daylights out of you.
Though, it's not always appropriate. Maybe it's your boss or coworker, maybe it's at the family dinner table, or maybe it's your romantic partner even. Regardless, it's not always the best time to actually yell at someone.
So we wanted to know what are some of the ways we can get the message across without actually saying those two little words that can land us in heaps of trouble.
Reddit users gave us plenty of answers to pull from, with some truly epic mic drops.
Redditor RaiAkshay asked:
"How do you say f*ck off, without saying f*ck off ?"
Here's some amazing examples.
Email come backs.
"Respond to a long, critical email, 'Received, thank you.'"
"Any time you begin with, 'Per my previous email...'"
"Or in the case of a long critical text, 'Unsubscribe.'"
"I just don't reply. When asked about it later I tell them I read it. Which I did truthfully. I just don't answer. It makes them mad."
"I do this too. You wanna go on a power trip in a mail, with tons of people in CC? Go ahead, I won't even answer."
Ending the argument.
"'I'd agree, but then we'd both be wrong.'"
"A similar one I like is 'There's no arguing with stupid people... so I'm just going to agree with you.'"
It's like a read receipt in real life.
"Reminds me of the Curb Your Enthusiasm scene where Larry David responds to the neighbor that tells him to never talk again to the kids at the lemonade stand. He responded with "Duly noted' and left with a big smile."
"Duly noted is a personal favorite and used on the regular. For whatever reason people seem unable to discern whether it's genuine or sarcastic when 'duly' is added to the front."
"Oh f*ck, do I need to stop saying this? I say this a lot especially over text."
"Yeah, but it definitely depends on who you are speaking to and context."
"These days I tend to go with 'okie dokie' or 'alrighty' when I'm responding in the affirmative. Nobody can misread those as being passive aggressive. My mother often responds to texts with 'k,' and I know she doesn't mean anything by it but it comes across as very abrupt and rude."
"Zero emotions shown."
"My old man once told me that people will always want something from you. If they can't get your love then they will go for your hate. Show them nothing. Give them nothing. Show zero emotions to them. It will drive people crazy and you will learn tolerance at the same time."
"This is what got me through having to deal with a few hostile coworkers in my time. Just let it flow right past you and stick to the practicalities. And laugh at their floundering rage later, when you're alone."
"This is key to shutting down d*ckhead customers. Source: was a barista for 5 yrs, waiter for 3."
"I will literally make that cappuccino 30 times before I let you see any sign that it's a problem. When getting under your skin is 70% of why they came to your store, it's withering."
"It's a way to prevent escalating a situation, but it's still not worth it. I worked in the hospitality industry (hotels) for several years. Being a doormat for entitled a**holes is half of the job, and the pay sucks. If you do your job well, you protect the business from negative publicity/reviews/attention at the expense of your self-respect."
"I think that's what a lot of people don't realize about customer service oriented positions: you may be wearing a white collar instead of a blue one, and believe you have a better job for it, but you will pay for it in self-worth over the long run. Unless you can make it to corporate, even the highest positions in the service industry are still subjected to dog sh*t behavior, and moving up is really about being subjected to that behavior less often."
"I was lucky enough to be well-educated (mostly at my parents' expense) and was able to switch industries, but that's not always the case. I would never go back, even knowing the 'tricks' of the trade and dealing with the different hassles of a desk job."
I'll call you.
"I had an old bar regular who was popular for negotiating complex legal agreements over a glass a beer. The absolute highlight of his unorthodox practice was when he was on the phone with someone while sipping on his 8th Miller of the day and said, 'No don't call me, I'll call you. That'll limit our communication, which is great because I hate speaking to you.'"
"I respect that man a lot."
"My grandfather always says, 'Don't call me, I'll call you.' or when we were kids, 'Go play out in the street, I'll call you in later.' He speaks with the driest tone of anyone I've ever met, not sure if he's kidding or just hates everyone."
Shutting down the conversation.
"I'm a fan of saying 'Well, good luck with that then,' and walking away."
"I have a Welsh friend who's a teacher. If he has to deal with a difficult parent, he shuts the conversation down with a 'There We Are Then.'"
"It's like a subtler, more Welsh way of saying 'C U Next Tuesday.'"
Take notes people, because now you'll have some great come backs that wont get you in trouble.
But at the same time, remember when people use these on you. There might be some subtext you've been missing.
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