You know how some articles require a lot of nuanced backstory and tell a deeply heartwarming tale?
Yeah... this ain't that.
This is a nice simple article about why folks should 100% not be allowed to use any of that newfangled youth-speak without a translator. Because when they do, they end up accidentally encouraging students to perform fellatio.
Recently, an image that shows exactly that scenario has been making the rounds across the internet. According to one Reddit user, it's a sign posted at the health center of their sister's school.
Take a long look at that "coughing" emoji. Take a long, deep, hard look.
Do you see it?
Reddit certainly did, and the jokes ... well ... they write themselves.
"A lot of time people are very prone to coughing fits after eating eggplants, you should suggest that they put an eggplant emoji right before it, for awareness." - Cetun
"This emoji would have made The Emoji Movie a whole lot more interesting." - FooFooPottyMouf
"Netflix and coughing is now a thing?!" - SurvivorDress
"This would totally change my tinder game if I had an emoji like this" - TToiv
Twitter noticed, too.
@420iloveweed Omg 🤣😂🤣 Now I want that emoji 😏😂— ɿɘᎸiᴎᴎɘႱ 🇨🇦 (@ɿɘᎸiᴎᴎɘႱ 🇨🇦)1580443764.0
That emoji is not coughing 🤣 #icant #coronavirus #CoronavirusOutbreak #coronaviruses #emoji #sick #cough 😷 https://t.co/1oPM4nxeeP— 𝕯𝖗𝖆𝖈𝖚𝖑𝖆 ❂ (@𝕯𝖗𝖆𝖈𝖚𝖑𝖆 ❂)1580432085.0
@9GAG https://t.co/o6lFOskBF0— aman damai raa (@aman damai raa)1580458416.0
As embarrassing as going viral for this must be for the staff, they shouldn't feel too bad. The students will absolutely remember the sign and the message, after all.
They should really take heart in the knowledge that they're not the only completely oblivious adults out there trying to be "hip" and failing like.
Because this next story had us cackling.
We'll let you use Urban Dictionary to figure out what thunderclap is in current slang and why it's not at all appropriate to call an award for children.
"My husband is a high school teacher, and at his school the mascot is Thor/thunder. Administration started giving awards to praise student behavior, and asked teachers to nominate kids for 'Thunderclap Awards'. "- Cyndurblox
So what have we learned?
If you're old enough to drink, you're old enough to be out of the youth-speak loop; and maybe you should run these things by actual kids before you end up as a cautionary internet tale.