Reddit user Tier1CSGO asked:
"What is the dumbest way you've ever made money?"
Clean Living
"Sold my urine on job site to guys who knew they were going to be tested."
~ blackp3dro
Polly Want a Story?
"Reading books to my neighbour's parrot."
"He was depressed and needed company, apparently."
"I was 10, I enjoyed that work very much."
"I read a lot on my own, but I was terrible at reading out loud, and I had a stutter."
"The parrot was lonely and plucking his feathers and I was told that the only way I could save him was to read to him every day."
"I suspect anything to keep him company would have worked, but I took my reading job very seriously. It helped us both."
~ alentukh
GiphyTen Pence
"Forgot to submit my self-assessment tax return for a year I owed £0 tax."
"Got fined £100."
"Appealed it, was successful, got paid £100.10 back."
~ sammy_zammy
Fantasy Fabio
"I got a job as a 'fantasy model with long flowing hair' where I modelled for covers of B grade American fantasy novels. Paid OKish, not well."
"I also signed away my rights like an idiot so I occasionally turn up riding a horse, or casting a spell. Also once turned up on a book cover with 'a lady' and my girlfriend went 'Who the f'k is that‽‽'."
"Photoshop my dear. Photoshop."
"I tried to read one of the books and it started 'He was not traditionally handsome'. Ouch."
~ HerrFerret
GiphyFree Profit
"About 10 years ago I downloaded one of those Clash of Clans style app games. This was before the 'pay to win' model had arisen so I played the game for about a year and was actually pretty good at it and managed to get into one of the top clans."
"After a year or so though the pay to win model began to rear its ugly head and ruin the game. I saw the writing on the wall and decided it was time to hang it up."
"Now I had never spent a dime on this game but I knew that a lot of the big spenders would sell their accounts when they quit in an attempt to recoup some of their losses. I knew my account wasn’t at that level but I figured it was worth a try."
"I figured if I could get even $10 I would be happy. I was in no rush to sell it though so I figured I would start very unrealistically high and then slowly go down on my list price."
"I ended up listing it on a third party site starting at $500. Within 12 hours I had a guy 'counter offer' at $350."
"I was blown away. I wasn’t about to negotiate with that and jumped all over it."
"To this day I still can’t believe that I had fun playing a free game for a year and then sold my account for $350."
~ SCHokie2011
GiphyDoesn't Add Up
"Tutoring a kid in math who was far smarter in math than his mother thought. He didn't do the homework because he wanted to play video games."
"He aced all the test and quizzes but homework was 50% of the grade so he was getting a C in math. Mother basically paid me $20 an hour to make sure he did his homework, which he finished in about 5 min."
"We then played video games for the next 55 minutes and whenever the mother would check on us I would say something 'mathematical' then he would say something 'mathematical' and I would say 'exactly, now you've got it'."
"I felt bad taking the money from the mom, but as a poor college kid, $20 is $20."
~ RTAW0lf3
Ah, Craigslist...
"Answered an ad on Craigslist. A dude shaved my head, and filmed it. Paid me $600."
~ Shaladox
"Craigslist had some bizarre ads back in the day. I answered an ad to do some weird stuff too."
"A guy wanted me to pee in a diaper and give it to him."
"So we’d meet up. I’d get in his car. Put on a diaper, pee in it, take it off, give it to him, and he’d pay me $100."
~ princesspeepe
GiphyPound for Pound
"In the 90's I had some money spare and the British Government was attempting to stop the £ falling below a certain level against the US$."
"On the radio in the mornings, day after day, serious expert were saying it couldn't hold out against the markets."
"I converted all my cash into US$. Two weeks later I converted it all back into £'s and made £10,000. I literally did nothing except change some currency."
~ the_real_grinningdog
Miscommunication = $$$
"I was a contractor for a while doing IT. I think I was making around $50k at the time. Hourly pay, but worked out to about $50k annually."
"They wanted to renew my contract and I told my contract company I should get 10 more. I thought I was worth another $10k annually."
"They went and talked to the company and came back and said they got me 9. As in $9 more an hour and if that was OK."
"Yep, that’s about $19k more annually. It was also around Y2K time so overtime was always there too."
~ ShamusNC
GiphySilver Lining
"I once crashed my truck on the freeway (due to a faulty road, I got a big payout, don't worry guys) and when I was all shaken and like holy crap and pulling over into the grass on the side of the road, I stepped out of the truck on shaky legs, and there was just... a 20 dollar bill."
"Crisp and new. Just sitting there."
"I thought I must have imagined it, but I took it as a good sign, and then insurance inexcusably overpaid what my truck was worth and I got a much better truck for free and 20 bucks."
"Dumb. Effective, but dumb."
~ aaronjer
Whistle While You Work
"I worked at a recording studio and one of the engineers was working on a radio commercial. The spot called for a bit of dialogue between a voiceover talent and a bird whistling."
"The client figured we could just use sfx for the bird responses, but nothing was working. The engineer left the session for a bit to get some air and he told me what was going on."
"Not to brag, but I’m a pretty good whistler. I started mimicking what the bird 'should' sound like, and his eyes went wide. He dragged me into the session to present what I did."
"I ended up being hired on the spot. I whistled for one commercial, which happened to be a union gig. So, I signed a contract that basically let me join for the day."
"I got about 800 bucks for the day, but also received residual checks for a couple more years after that. Whistling earned me about $3k in the end."
~ GtrSolo2TheFace
Giphy
"My offer letter was wrong. I asked for a one time sign on bonus since I was leaving my match at my previous job. HR agreed but then instead of doing it as a bonus they added it to my salary."
"I didn’t say anything."
"2 years later during an audit they caught it. The ceo finds out and says 'well even with his raise last year he still is worth it'."
"Never had to pay it back since it was an hr screw up and I’m good at my job."
~ diatho
Cleaning Up
"Shoveling snow. Yeah, I know how it sounds, but I was at my grandma's house and she had this shovel that was curved so if you held it right, the snow would curl up and move just like a snowplow."
"I was like 6 or 7 years old. I thought was so cool so I just went around her block clearing the sidewalks having a blast cause it's just like the big snowplows."
"Before I know it, people are coming out of the houses and giving me money."
~ steppedinhairball
GiphyCandy!
"Some dude hit my friend with his car while we were crossing the sidewalk in front of a 7-11."
"We were 12ish at the time and my friend wasn't hurt except for a bruise that came later."
"He gave us each $20 to not say anything about it."
"We bought SO much candy."
~ hotaffiliatequeen
The United States is described as being in a gig economy.
People are temps, contractors or subcontractors instead of employees.
Some efforts to make a living wage are better ideas than others.
But "dumb" might be a bit harsh if it pays the bills.
What's the most unusual way you've made money?
People can be just the worst, right? Everyone on earth has a million stories about their fellow human beings acting downright terrible. From cheating partners, to rich jerks, to random acts of cruelty, we've all seen humanity's darker side. It should be little surprise then that the people of the internet have some of the most infuriating, cringe-inducing stories about horrible people—and we've collected them for you here!
All in the Family
man in white dress shirt and black pants standing beside green wallPhoto by Blake Carpenter on UnsplashStanding in the rain at night, after two years of dating, I think she is about to tell me that she loves me. Nope. She tells me that she is in love with my brother and has been dating me to get closer to him. I told my brother and he said, "Heck no! Screw her!"
Housewarming Present
We moved into this new house, and apparently, the people who lived there before us never told their "friend" that they had moved. He let himself in one day and went into the bathroom unnoticed. I went in there sometime later to discover some random guy passed out with a needle in his arm in the middle of my new bathroom floor.
Worst first night in a new house ever!
Art of the Deal
I used to be a divorce lawyer. My entire job consisted of dealing with people constantly outdoing each other for the title of "Most Immature Thing You've Ever Seen an Adult Do." Best of all was the guy who, when he felt he was not getting his way, offered to completely abandon his children and agree to never see them again, in exchange for not having to pay any support money.
The Nerve of Some People
Someone had a heart attack on the patio of our restaurant. Paramedics came and were assessing the situation and trying to prep the guy to go to the hospital. This woman dining with her husband decided very loudly to ask my manager in her best condescending rich person tone, “Is this going to take much longer, we were enjoying lunch.”
The restaurant goes dead silent and her husband looks like he’s about to puke from embarrassment. They were politely asked to leave and never come back.
A Serious Effort at Discipline
My nephew (by marriage) is a jerk. I had to drive him once and he kept messing around with the windows, so I locked them. Then he started incessantly pushing my door lock buttons. So I stopped holding back farts and stopped opening the windows. And let me tell ya, this was during a phase in my life where my farts smelled like I might be suffering from some sort of colonic necrosis. He gagged and sputtered and threatened to throw up.
It didn’t matter. I just kept farting. In fact, at a certain point I thought I might crap my pants. I didn’t care. I was willing to do it just to make that little bugger suffer a bit. Take that, Evan.
A New Level of Jerkery
man sitting on stool while crossing both handsPhoto by Muhmed Alaa El-Bank on UnsplashMy boss fired the girl who was in her third trimester of pregnancy three days before her maternity leave was to start.
Small Business, Big Problems
I work at a small business. 20 employees +/-. My wealthy boss made a big speech about austerity measures and no raises this year. A week and a half later he drives up in a brand new Silverado with all the bells and whistles. Expensed to the business of course. He would hate to have to pay taxes on those profits. One of the less subtle members of the staff took a literal dump in front of his office door.
Did He Get an A+?
I caught my boyfriend of two years. He had asked me to proofread his paper on his Mac and the text messenger popped up in the right hand. He was sitting in his bed texting some girl "goodnight, I love you" while sitting right next to me in his bed. I deleted his entire paper, wrote "Who's Marissa?" saved it and told him it looks great and left.
She was his girlfriend of eight years who lived next to his parents two hours away.
Santa’s Been Naughty
I got rejected when I wasn't even trying to hit on the guy. A few years ago in December, I was at a bar with a friend when a guy dressed as Santa Claus was walking around. He walked up to my friend and said something like, "Santa's giving out gifts, and all the pretty girls get one for free!" and handed her a trinket. Then he looked at me up-and-down and added, "Yeah, you'd have to pay."
Sleepover
He has a longtime friend of his (who happened to be female) who was staying the night. She was sleeping in the basement bedroom and we were upstairs. Well, he slipped out of bed in the middle of the night and woke me up. When he noticed, he told me he had to go to the bathroom. I guess I already had my suspicions, because I lay there and listened to him walk down the hall, then past the bathroom, and down the stairs. So, I followed. And caught him in the basement getting ready to have sex with her. Oh. I was not a happy puppy. Was stupid and tried to salvage our engagement, but I wasn't "fun anymore" and he left.
That Explains a Lot
man in black crew neck t-shirt wearing black framed eyeglassesPhoto by Yogendra Singh on UnsplashAfter I came into work on a Saturday to help with some orders that were behind, the boss came in the back and started SCREAMING at me about why things were a certain way. I tried to explain that I just got there, that I had nothing to do with the job until now, and that I was just trying to fix it. More screaming. I said, "Phil, be reasonable!"
He responded by jumping up and down and screaming "I don't WANT to be reasonable!!"
Over the Hill
My ex-wife and I went up to Big Bear to go snowboarding and spend some time together. We were having issues and I thought to be fun to get away and do something fun together. Let's just say it did not go well. She said she grew up snowboarding, but she never made it down a hill and had a terrible time. So we went back to the cabin and she was pretty much just on her phone, not talking to me.
We make it back and she says she needs to just shower and be alone for a bit. She goes off and I just hang in the den. She left her phone in her purse and it just kept buzzing, so I checked it out because what if someone was trying to reach us or something? I open it up to read a full conversation between her and this guy. It wasn't good.
I read how that day’s texts started and they started really early in the morning. "Hope you're doing ok up there." "We'll see, doubt it. He's trying too hard. He should just know it really doesn't matter. Wish I was up here with you instead." Just the worst stuff. And that was before I even woke up. I was pretty devastated and really didn't know what to do.
I knew I didn't want to fight because I realized she wasn't worth fighting for. Grabbed my bag and drove back to San Diego. I took her phone with me, so I could text him and tell him "We're coming home early, let's meet." I ended up inviting him to a coffee shop and waited for him to show up. When he walked through the door, he saw me immediately and kind of stopped. I waved him over and wasn't too far from the door, so I told him we need to talk.
He comes over and already front loads with the "It's not what you think," blah blah blah speech. I told him that if he wants her, he can take his sorry ass to Big Bear and go get her. Because I was leaving and we're through. See you when we sign the papers. And I left. Second worst day of my life but I'm glad it happened. Met my lady three years later and we've been together for four years, now engaged.
Sold to the Highest Bidders
Mitch got everything he wanted. Granted, he was smart and ambitious, but was also petulant and snobby. The combination made him virtually hated by everyone. "I liked him more than most people did and I hate him" (paraphrase: Al Franken on Ted Cruz). Our 3rd-grade class would get monopoly-esque money for an auction of toys at the end of the year. If you were bad, you had to pay money, but if you were a little sycophant, like Mitch, you were filthy rich.
At the end of the year, Mitch surveyed all the toys and calculated how many "brownie points" it would take to swipe all the best stuff. One by one, Mitch swiped the best toys, always bidding perfectly. At the end, Mitch had enough for the most coveted toy on the table: the Chia Pet. Brent had the second most money and timidly started the bidding.
Mitch toyed with him and gradually raised the price until Brent had to go all in. Mitch raised the bid by a small margin and then Susan, who almost had a nerf gun, gave her sizeable pile to Brent and Brent raised. Mitch panicked and counted his money for a higher bid, but it was already too late. All the people he had screwed suddenly turned the auction into a popularity contest and Brent delivered the final blow. Mitch freaked the heck out and had the most satisfying meltdown.
If he had just tried to get a few things, no one would have wanted to screw him, but by leaving so many people with so much worthless cash, he was truly hoisted by his own petard.
Screw Mitch, lol.
You Can’t Always Get What You Want
I work retail at an electronics store and it was launch day for a new product. A guy and his 13-year-old son and asked if we had the biggest and baddest model in a certain color in stock. I told them we had that model in a different color. The father gets a phone call and tells his kid to talk to me. The kid pulls out a wallet full of credit cards and snidely asks, “How much would it take to get me that phone?”
I told him I couldn't sell him something we didn't have, but that he could order it online. The father comes back and the kid tells him the news. The father looks at the kid and says, “I have to go to a meeting, I'll have the driver come get you. Don't back down.” And walks away. I look at the kid. Challenge freakin’ accepted.
He says, “I read on Mac Rumors that you hold 4% of your inventory for DOA phones out of the box. I want one of those phones.” To which I replied, “We don't have any for that model because we didn't get any actual stock for it in.” Long story short, the kid starts screaming in the middle of the jam-packed store.
My team leader, who happens to be there, comes out and the kid tells her that I called him a snobby little jerk. She looks at me like he was a crazy person and somehow convinces the kid to buy a different color. As it turns out we couldn't sell him the phone because the cardholder wasn't present to show ID. I was mad about the whole thing at first, but felt that he got what he deserved.
A Fight to the Death
My old boss started firing people by lining two up at a time and seeing which one they prefer to keep on. Didn't matter if you were there for 20 years or two. Also hiring management from outside and not promoting within which means the new managers have no knowledge of anything that company does in terms of ethics, procedures, or employee status. It has turned this "clique" type environment into every person for themselves. Very toxic.
A Costly Choice
person looking at silver-colored analog watchPhoto by Andrea Natali on UnsplashI was invited to a graduation party, hosted by a very wealthy couple whose daughter had just graduated from Yale. Her father came out, in front of the guests, displaying his Rolex and Cartier watches—asking which one of the two expensive watches the group thought would be "the more appropriate for the occasion." Everyone just looked at each other, silently—not quite sure what to say.
Seems a Little Harsh...
When I was eight, I was on a road trip with my family, and my dad got lost. He got REALLY angry when he got lost. So to vent his frustration, he pulled over to a Jack in the Box and had me come in with him (he demanded that only I come with him, no one else). He relieved his tensions by sitting me down and telling me for ten minutes why he didn't like me. From the way I cleaned my room, to the way I did in school, to the way I SPOKE—he told me how he despised everything about eight-year-old me. I'll never forget him saying, "I don't like a single darn thing about you." Hard to take when you're eight and your dad is still Superman to you.
Getting Peppered
I had a man in his 40s call a 16-year-old girl I work with a stupid idiot because she forgot to put extra peppers on his sandwich. I was in an irritable mood that day, so I confronted him about it. I asked him if he had any children, he said yes. I asked him if he thought it would be appropriate for them to talk to a stranger (let alone a young girl) like that. He said no, so I asked him, "What makes you so special then?" He looked very ashamed of himself and just walked out of the store without saying a word. I got some applause from one of the tables.
Put a Ring On It
I called her at work and their receptionist asked, "Is this her boyfriend, Dave?" "No... it's her fiancé." I'd had suspicions for a few months before that but this was the clincher. So glad I got out of that one.
When You’re Rich, the World Is Your Toilet
I was once a server at a high-end steakhouse in Newport Beach, California. A rich guy's son comes in, probably in his mid-30s, with a big group. They get a private room and spend thousands on food and booze. The guy gets hammered and instead of climbing the stairs to take a leak, he just relieves himself in the hallway. On the floor. He didn't get kicked out, either. They just had a janitor come in and clean it up and the dinner kept going. Nice to have that kind of money, I guess.
Selectively Poor
person holding U.S. dollar banknotePhoto by Vitaly Taranov on UnsplashOur bosses cancelled the Christmas party and Christmas bonuses for the whole company because we "didn't have the money for it." I found out later the CEO and the CTO used company funds to take a week-long ski vacation in Whistler instead of doing something nice for the employees. You better believe I spread that evidence around the office.
It’s the Thought That Counts
20 or some odd years ago I caught my ex, not actually having sex, but in bed with another guy. On Valentine's Day. With a dozen roses in my hand. What a horrible person. Fighting would get you kicked out of college, so I told the much smaller guy that as soon I saw him off campus someday, I'd kill him.
Fifteen years and worlds later, I'm at an engagement party at a bar, and some friends come up and tell me the guy over there is extremely scared of me and thinks I'm going to kill him. I look over and couldn't stop laughing. It was so far in the past, but for some reason, that guy remembered it like I had sworn an oath to avenge my family. It felt good. His fear was redemption enough.
Low-Class Attitude
I was briefly an assistant to the CEO of a large company in my country (I live in Northern Europe), and this guy was a real jerk to everyone. I just made coffee, ran with mail, and copied things. I say "briefly" because I only worked there for three weeks. I made an honest mistake, copying the wrong documents, resulting in a brief embarrassment on his side in an in-house meeting with some of the other big guys of the firm.
I got called into his office and, knowing his history with previous assistants, I was visibly nervous. He then began absolutely shredding me for 15 minutes, completely red in the head, spit flying in my face as he stood above me, basically ripping me a new one. I started crying (This was my first job, and I was 15 at the time), and he stopped shouting. But that wasn't a good sign.
He took one finger to my chin, lifted my face up so I looked straight at him, and then he said "You're a nobody. Don't you ever forget that." And then he threw some paperwork at me to let me officially know that I was fired (which I then had to pick up from the floor), and then he yelled at me to get the heck out of his office.
At Least You Could Still Get Dinner…
I was once given the number to a pizza place instead of the guy's number I had asked out.
A Sinking Feeling...
Years ago, I was hosting a house party. A pair of girls went into the bathroom together. Not uncommon. Well, one of them decided to take a piss in my sink and accidentally dropped a loaf while she was at it. They came out laughing and telling everyone that someone must have pooped in my sink. I was literally the last person in that bathroom before them. I even watched them walk in. And I don't recall defecating in my own sink. After confronting them, they got pissed off and left. They didn't even bother cleaning up the sink!
Getting the Real Story
person holding smartphonePhoto by Rodion Kutsaiev on UnsplashI work in an Apple Store as a Genius. A kid (13-15 yrs old) comes in with his iPhone X and tells me that he wants a new phone now. I ask him what is wrong and he says every time he plays Fortnite or Minecraft his phone gets hot. Explain to him that is an expected behavior for graphic intensive games and explain that I play PUBGmobile and my phone does the same thing. He screams “I want a new f***ing phone now!!” And slams the phone on the table, which shatters the display. The phone drops to the floor (which is stone) and shatters the back. He looks at me and blames me for making him slam his phone. I tell him well now the phone is broke and that will be $549 to replace it since it’s now broken. At this point his mom comes in and sees the phone and asks what happened. Her son starts to say that I did it. She looks at me and says what happened. I tell her and she laughs and tells her son to get the hell out and he will be without a phone until he can pay for it himself.
Be Thankful You Don’t Work For This Guy
After a mistake was made on a product at my work, the assembly team was left to try and get the project out on time. The deadline was around Dec 1st. The boss demanded that everyone work on Thanksgiving. Someone said, "We want to spend time with our families." We were told, "I don’t care, I hate your families!!!"
Indecent Proposal
Oh boy, story time, so, I'd been with this girl for two years, I was madly in love with her, I was going to propose. Bought a ring, went to pay her a surprise visit, walked in because I had a key, found her in bed with another man. Threw the box with the ring at her, walked out, drove off, never looked back. Got about five miles away, pulled over and broke down crying.
Sliding Scale
When I was a waiter, I had a guy put a $20 on the table when I came to greet him and his wife and say, “This is your tip. However, every time you do something wrong, I will remove a dollar.” I thought he was joking, so I chuckled and asked, “Like, what?” He takes the 20 off the table and replaces it with exactly $19. Who carries enough bills to do that? He responds with, “Like that.”
But Tell Us What You Really Think
In a company of six people, owner said in a meeting with everyone that his two sales guys are irreplaceable and that the rest of us are "just paper pushers."
Love is Not a Game
person holding game controller in-front of televisionPhoto by Glenn Carstens-Peters on UnsplashI'd finished doing the daily quests on my WoW character, and I knew he wasn't going to be home for a while so like many times before (with his permission) I logged into his account to do dailies for him. Then the PM's started. Very explicit PM's. Not only was he cheating on me in a game (with loads of people, cybersex in WoW, eugh), but there was one girl who was talking about things outside the game too. I admit I played along for a while to see what was going on. After that, I told her who I was. It all ended rather badly, between her and I, him and I, and him and her.
With a Little Help From My Housekeeper
There was a kid at my high school. When he was 14, he had a learner’s permit, but his parents got him a Mercedes-Benz G-Class. Every day, he drove it to school and was determined to park it in the parking lot to show it off. So, he had his housekeeper drive to school with him and the housekeeper's son drove a car behind her to take her back home—which was only about two miles away from our school.
Preventative Measures
A co-worker came up to me and told me not to even think of asking her out. Umm, I wasn't going to—but thanks for randomly telling me how much I apparently SUCK.
Future Serial Killer Alert
I was a kid, probably 9 or 10, and my mom had a friend and her son over for lunch. The kid disappeared for about 10 minutes, and at the time I thought he had gone to the bathroom because I really had to go. So when he came back I quickly maneuvered my way past him into the room before the bathroom, where we had a fish tank. This would be completely irrelevant if the fish tank wasn’t cloudy and swirling about. At first glance, I didn't know what it was, until I noticed smashed and ripped apart pieces of little fish faces moving around in the swirl. The kid had reached into the fish tank and squeezed the ever-loving life out of every single fish in that tank.
Think Fast!
I was on the bus a year or 2 back and a kid and his mom were seated in front of me. The kid kept screeching about wanting to "press the button" (you press a button to notify the bus driver that you need to get off at the next stop) because he liked the beep it made. Every. Single. Bus stop. This little twat screeched asking if he could press it yet. Finally his mom said he could press the button. I pressed it. It only beeps for the first person to press it. The little brat cried.
Being the Smaller Person
woman in black and white dress sitting on concrete stairsPhoto by Zhivko Minkov on UnsplashWhen I was about six years old, my stepmother had said something that humiliated me. We got into an argument and I yelled that I hated her. She responded, "I hate you, too!" and I was pretty much just stunned. I think she was in her mid-30s then, and that moment stuck with me for a long time…
Power in Numbers
I had accused my boyfriend of cheating previously but over and over he turned it around and got upset that I didn't trust him. Finally, after talking to the girl he cheated with on the phone, we called him together and he came clean. Couldn't lie to us both.
You Probably Know What Evian is Spelled Backwards
I worked at a private villa in Bali. One guest stood out because she only drank and bathed in Evian. So one day I spent almost an hour filling a large tub from tons of Evian bottles. The same young woman complained that the path from her villa gate to her room wasn't well lit. This was probably because she wore sunglasses at night.
All Work and No Play Makes Jack a Dull Boy
My old boss actively tried to ban friendships. If co-workers became friendly she would schedule them so they would NEVER see each other. "You're here to work! Not to socialise!" She also banned everyone from coming into the workplace when they were not working. It was a pub. She banned socializing in a pub. This was a corporate pub, so drinking for free was never allowed. She was literally turning away paying customers.
A co-worker once asked her if he could bring in his visiting Grandpa to show him where he worked and she told him to screw off. She became insanely paranoid when she learned four people were in a WhatsApp group. She said the only reason people who work together set up group chats is because they wanted to talk trash about her. She was actually kind of right.
Holden Would Be Proud
My best friend lived in the family's old vacation trailer behind his house (back in the 90s). I arrived with a twelve-pack, opened the door and there was my girlfriend. She was standing full frontal (not a stitch on) and he was in his boxers. Later he told me "Nothing happened." JD Salinger had a term for that kind of guy, it was... PHONY.
More Income, More Intergenerational Problems
woman in black long sleeve shirt covering her face with her handsPhoto by Elisa Ventur on UnsplashMy mom works in a family-owned business, and while the owners aren't excessively rich they're definitely upper class. I think the most messed up thing that I know about them is just how they treat members of their own families, let alone strangers. For example, the founder of the company fell and broke his hip when he was around 80.
Since he could barely walk around on his own anymore, let alone run a company, he finally retired and gave the company to his daughter. This was a huge mistake. She put him in a home, never visited him again for his entire life (He passed away at age 92, just to give some perspective on how long that was), and almost immediately began to drive the company into the ground.
Around three years after the daughter became the owner of the company, her grandson is hired into basically the same sort of secretary job my mother has. Now it's a bit of a long story, but he lives with his aunt who also works for the company, basically in the same job his grandmother had before she became the company owner.
So, things are going fine for a while, then eventually he comes out as gay, and is immediately fired for some BS reason by his own grandmother. On top of that, she demands that her daughter kick him out of her house or she'll fire her too, but thankfully she wasn't taking any of that, and said she'd sue her mother if she fired her over it. Her mother backs down, and thankfully the kid isn't kicked out onto the streets, but he's sure as heck not getting his job back. Then of course since he was fired, all of the work he was doing is piled onto my mother's desk.
Different Goals
My sister hooked up with a classmate a few times and said they got along very well, sometimes coming over to hook up and never getting the chance because they would get so lost in conversation. So one day she goes, "Hey, we get along well and I think you're pretty attractive, maybe we can go on an actual date sometime?" Without a beat, the guy looks to her and says, "Listen, I'll sleep with you, but I can't be seen in public with you." She claims she clocked the guy and never spoke to him again.
Multiple Counts of Stupidity
I invited a friend over for drinks—and BOY did she drink! She got so drunk that she vomited on my living room wall and fell down the staircase. She looked like she had rolled around in chicken salad. After I made her shower and gave her some of my clothes to wear, she stole my flip-flops and went RUNNING out of the house to go to her boyfriend's apartment.
I had to go follow after her, and she eventually got detained for public intoxication. I have not invited her over since.
The Experience Pays off
Working at a Chuck E Cheese one year. Some little kid keeps getting pissed because he can't win many tickets from a game. Kid begins to kick and scream. Toss stuff around, etc. I think he tried to hit one of the animatronics. When someone tried to get him to stop he pulled the, "DO YOU KNOW WHO MY DAD IS? DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE CAN DO TO YOU?" We all just shook our heads and didn't know what to say. Was his dad the owner? Rich? etc? "Tell me what I can do."
We see this guy in a business suit just standing there with a really pissed off look on his face. It was the kind of face that you look at and wonder if this man ever smiled. The kid just froze up and muttered something. The man apologized and walked away. He came back a few hours later and gave all the employees gifts. I got an Xbox 360. One of the first generation ones. I still have it with me if anyone wants a picture. He just gave me the console. No wires, controllers, or anything.
Selectively Deaf
Both of my parents are very immature in general, but this particular incident caught me totally off guard. When I was 13, I won an argument with my mom. It was something to do with Earth Hour, and how we should try our best not to use any electronic devices during that time. To my surprise, when I started winning the debate, my mom literally put her fingers in her ears and started screaming "I CAN'T HEAR YOU, NANANANANA!" I learned a lot about human nature that day…
Tripped Up
man standing on black rock surrounded body of waterPhoto by Slav Romanov on UnsplashI was gone for a week for work. Got back to my building after a flight home and had no ride. She forgot to come pick me up. I finally got a hold of her, came to pick me up half drunk, went back to our house, I was unpacking and turned around and she had her hair and makeup done and just said "I'm going out, see ya" and left. This was after I had been gone for a week.
The next day was Friday, she had got home after I went to bed and left for work before me. I got home, and she was already gone, and had texted me and said she was going to her friend's house to hang out for a house party for the weekend. I didn't hear from her again for two days despite calling and texting her. She got home late Sunday night and told me she "lost her phone in the couch.”
I told her this wasn't working, and she needed to leave. She packed a bag while I cracked a beer on the couch. A couple days later, my friend emailed me a boatload of pictures from the weekend she disappeared, all of her and the guy she was cheating on me with. He had posted them on his Myspace that Sunday evening.
She actually continued to mess up things for me for quite a while after this, financially mostly, but eventually, I got free of that disaster and moved on happily.
If You’re Going to Complain About a Dish, You Better Know What Goes Into It
At my restaurant, someone once ordered the dessert on special—it was tiramisu that day—and sent it back, saying that “Mascarpone cream doesn't go along well with coffee and your recipe should be changed.” That is literally the original and classic recipe. Then get this. She asked for tiramisu with Victoria sponge.
First, we had no Victoria sponge, second, just because someone asks for it we are not going to make something we won't end up selling, and third, I think the chef would've rather carved his own eyes out with a fork. Just because you have the money to pay for a 200€ meal doesn't mean you are entitled to whatever you want. We are workers who want to turn a profit at the end of the damn day, not your personal staff of cooks and waiters.
False Sense of Hope
My boss told a bunch of people they were going to be promoted to get us to do extra work, but no one actually got promoted. I basically did her job for a month. Me and three of my co-workers quit and she got fired a few months later.
We Feel For You
This is so recent (a week ago). I went to the spot I first took her to on the ship we worked on to surprise her, and she was on top of another dude. They looked me in the face and laughed when they saw me. I absolutely loathe infidelity, and feel for all the victims of heartache.
Spite Trip
I drive a limousine, often for wealthy clients. My least favorite are the children. One of my spoiled trust fund clients once insisted on picking up four friends from different areas of town. He convinces these people to go to the bar with him, but when we get there, he kicks them out and has me drive him to the airport, where he picks up a last-minute flight to Vegas.
One of the lamest ways to insult someone is by describing their behavior as being gay.
The attempt at emasculating a perceived straight heterosexual male by comparing his actions to something that a homosexual male might do is a common form of mockery by alpha males.
Examples include mocking a guy who gets manicures, wears pink, or sits with his legs crossed. "Gay, gay gay," says the immature antagonizer.
Typically, the ribbing occurs between friends and is not prompted by verbal attacks.
Still, this casual form of bullying can be tiresome and only perpetuates misconceptions and stereotypes that can be harmful to the LGBTQ+ community.
Strangers online shared their experiences being targeted when Redditor Spagoobli0 asked:
"What is the dumbest thing people called you gay for?"
Apparently, maintaining good hygiene is so gay.
Being Clean
"i was called gay for showering daily."
– ilive4manass
"with other men?"
– intheken
Scrubbing The Backside
"I was told it was gay to wash my a**. The guy was recently evicted for defecating on his own floor for 6 months and not paying taxes."
– my-recent-throwaway
Pro-Tip
"In boot camp we shower with other dudes. I had someone call me gay in the shower for washing my a**. As if the only reason for washing my a** is to make it presentable for someone else. Nah, dude, I just don’t want skid marks in the tighty whities they make us wear."
"It’s not even like I was doing it weird. Like if I was bent over spreading my cheeks so everyone could see my brown eye, that would be one thing. But I literally just took a handful of suds and ran it down the crack a couple times because, pro tip to my fellow dudes; the water running down your back is not enough to clean the part of you that poop comes out of."
– Morningxafter
Lotion Up
"I once had a friend of mine stop by before we were going to meet some people for brunch. I had just taken a shower and gotten dressed when he walked in the front door (I always had a just walk in policy, suburban life). I have pretty dry skin so I was putting on a bit of moisturizing lotion. First words out of his mouth were 'moisturizing? That’s pretty gay isn’t it?' I said 'If feeling like I don’t want to scrape my skin off is gay, whip out the d*cks!'”
– bg-j38
Keeping up with appearances is hard enough.
The Damaging Effects
"'Gay' was the first 'dis' I ever heard, I had no idea what it meant for like a year. I just knew it was the worst thing to be. My whole generation struggled with that and I really feel for the people who had to come out to friends and family when I was young, it must have been really tough. I came out as bi about 6 or 7 years ago and that was pretty brutal, and the only reason I came out was because something happened that made it clear I was. Tbh it was f'king humiliating and awful at the time, it really f'ked with my head and my self worth. I am totally, 100% ok with it now, in fact I'm kind of proud I have the balls to tell people I'm bi now. It's become who I am and I'm ok with it.
"Just to be clear I've never had an issue with anybody being gay, at all. It's just for me it was a really difficult thing to deal with. Extremely personal. A lifetime of unconsciously being told gay was 'bad' has an effect on me, I wish it didn't but the truth is it did. I have mad respect for all openly gay and trans people."
– NitroD*ckclapp
Revealing Color Choice
"Had a guy genuinely ask if I was gay because I was wearing a red pair of Vans."
– LemonMan589
"Maybe he was cruising."
– InverseRatio
List Of Indicators
"I was a child in the 80s. Calling people gay was standard derogatory talk for checks notes literally everything. Bad play in sport, choice of clothes, hobby, etc."
– f_ranz1224
The Hopscotcher
"I was called gay for about 6 months in middle school for jumping down a hopscotch thing as I walked past it after lunch."
– Sado_Hedonist
What happens in the bedroom...
Going Down
"Like giving oral sex to my wife. Will never understand that."
– Beenthere-doneit55
"Fellas, is it gay to go down on a woman?"
– raveturned
"I view it selfishly. It combines the two two things I love the most, eating and having sex. If that makes me gay, so be it."
– Beenthere–doneit55
Flawed Logic
"They think if you'll do down on your wife you'll go down on a guy?"
"How would the two even translate??"
– WillieOverall
Even before I came out to my friends as gay, being called anti-gay slurs–even in jest–only suppressed my inclination to want to share my truth.
One of the things I've been mocked for during high school pre-coming out was my love for Disney.
The girls had no problem sharing my passion, but the jocks made fun of me for wearing a Mickey Mouse T-shirt to school, saying I was a "sissy boy" for liking Disney and that only "f*ggots" liked Disney.
Now, I know plenty of demographics–gay and straight, all ethnicities–that universally appreciate Disney. But I have to say, good on them for being accurate in knowing who I was before I did: a proud f*ggot who loves Disney.