Dating is supposed to be fun, right?
You get to go out with a person you've hopefully made some kind of connection with, spend quality time together, alone, and forge those bonds with the intent to lead to something better.
And then there's dates like these, which are so awful you might reconsider the whole concept of "dating" ever again.
Reddit user, LankyJeweler4925, wanted to be a little terrified when they asked:
"What was the scariest moment you’ve had on a date?"
First dates are already a cocktail of nerves and excitement. Odds are you might say something awkward and or not phrase something the way you pictured in your head, and that's cute, don't get us wrong.
And then there's saying or reacting the way these people did.
Classic "Shmosby"
"He said he was in love with me and he couldn't live without my scent. It was the first date. I didn't check if he's still alive lol"
Freckles1339
When Your Date Throws You Into The Line Of Fire...
"Dating an extroverted woman that convinced me to go out dancing/cubbing with her. She got drunk and started talking sh-t to some chicks and their boyfriends somehow and telling them that I would bear them up. The bouncers stepped in but they were mean mugging me all night. I thought I was going to get curb stomped or shot at coming out of the club."
BidDaddyFarts
There's a lot you can say about someone who gives off the following vibe on a first date.
None of it is good, but you can say a lot.
Asserting Imaginary Ownership
"He took me out to several different bars and was an @ss the whole night. Plunked me down in a seat and promptly ignored me. I struck up a conversation with the lady next to me. Her husband was talking to someone on my other side. My date comes up to me as the lady and I are exchanging numbers. He accuses me of trying to start a lesbian relationship, takes my phone, and leaves me at the bar. I had to walk back to his place to get my car."
"I knocked on my door and asked for my phone back. He gaslights me, telling me he didn’t have it and I must have dropped it. The next day I got my phone back and he got upset when I told him we weren’t seeing each other anymore. Sat outside my house a solid 5 minutes after I kicked him out."
MuffytheBananaSlayer
Overcompensating For Something
"I just turned 18 and met this guy at a job I was at. My long term partner had recently passed from a drug overdose and this guy invited me to a classic car show."
"I wasn’t really interested in him, but my parents said I should go. I decided why not. He complained because I didn’t wear a dress (first red flag)."
"Then, he asked me if I was afraid of guns. I said not really, I’ve shot them before."
"Well, he pulled out a pistol in the middle of the car drive. I was hours away from home with this guy that I just met, and he had a gun. This was at the beginning of the date."
"I tried to get him to take me home, but I had to spend several hours with him. I ended up getting away from him using the bathroom excuse and calling my parents."
"It was the worst and most frightening date I have ever been on."
Hello891011
GUNS
"I once hooked up with a guy while I was in college (I’m also a man) and, after we were finished, he started talking about guns and asked if I had ever held a pistol before. I said no and he pulled one out and handed it to me. I didn’t want it but he was super insistent and I just remember it being shockingly heavy. I handed it back and tried to be as cool as possible while leaving and going to the car."
"Told him I’d see him again, told him the gun was cool and thank you for letting me hold it, told him to text me soon, etc. Once I was gone I blocked his number and was more paranoid about who I slept with going forward."
Esosorum
And then there's these, stories so harrowing you almost wish the person never went out on the date to begin with. Doesn't matter if they ended up married in the end, no one should have their life threatened on a date.
Dude Needs To Work On His Pickup Lines
"i was once told in the car coming back from the date that i would look good in the coffin. i swear to god that i left his car in the middle of nowhere and yet i felt safer than sitting next to him."
awellintentionedmess
"Wtf that's some psycho sh-t. How did you leave?"
Biosentience
"literally jumped off. still i was nice. i told him i didn’t like what he had said to me and told him to pull over and then i left. i didn’t want to risk since there was a big covered plastic bag in the backseat with something in it. watching all these crime stories all my life made me being really conscious at that very moment. paid off. later in life i found out that there was an axe in this plastic bag."
awellintentionedmess
Be A Better Person Than This
"When I was 18 and naive, I went to the cinema with this guy from tinder and the whole time he kept touching my leg and trying to put his hand up my skirt. It gave me the ick and just wanted to leave."
"After the movie he dropped me home and I went upstairs to bed. About 10 minutes later I turn around and the guy from the date is stood in my bedroom threshold. I was home alone for the weekend too, so I started to panic."
"I asked him why he was in my room, and he said he needed the toilet, knocked but apparently I didn’t hear so he let himself in. At this point my heart was pounding in my chest and I didn’t know what to do."
"He said he had a really nice time and basically pushed me onto my bed and started kissing me. I pushed him away as nicely as possible and said my mum would be back in a minute."
"He then left and I locked the door behind him. I didn’t sleep that night and was terrified he’d break in or something."
smf101
A Happy Ending, At Least?
"I went on a date with a girl not knowing that her ex boyfriend was in a local Mexican gang. She had just broken up with him about a week prior… he didn’t take that well. On top of being a garbage human for physically and mentally abusing her, did I mention he was in a f-cking gang? She and I went out on a whole date, multiple places, back to her house to drop her off."
"I don’t realize until I’m leaving the parking lot of the restaurant we went to that we were being followed… all the way back to her house. I dropped her off, and the guy continued to follow me. Knowing I don’t go home, I make intensional turns and things to confirm he’s following, and he was. Called her, she said don’t go home and I’ll call you back."
"She called me back 20 minutes later after I drove through 2 different police stations and she said “you’re okay to go home now, just act normal” which isn’t sketchy at all. I went home, he followed and drove off… I walk to my apartment door and there’s 30+ Mexican gang members there and her cousin who’s in that gang, as well as her brother who isn’t but knows them. I had never met them before, so I was like I’m dying today. The brother asks how I’m doing, and said “just go inside, you’re good.”
"They stood outside my door and in my apartment complex for 4 hours and then went home after the brother knocked on my door and said that shouldn’t ever happen again."
"That girl I took on a date, ended up dating for 3 years and is now my wife and we had our first baby in September, and celebrated our first year of marriage last week."
MTB199262
“let’s go outside”
"I don’t want to make this story too long, but I met this guy on tinder that I really liked and we went out dancing and to get drinks. We were talking for weeks but this was our second time going out together. During the time we were talking, there were a lot of little red flags that would tell me he drank too much, but I was a lot younger and naive back then and tried to give him the benefit of the doubt."
"Any who out of no where he’s like 'let’s go outside' starts messing around on his phone and is telling me 'I’m trying to find us a way out of here' and said the guys standing by the door were after him. So I’m like okay, let’s go back to my car so maybe we can go somewhere else. My car was parked pretty far away because we had gone to multiple locations that night.. anyways he gets it into his head that multiple people are after him."
"Like random people on the street. Once we were in a part of downtown that wasn’t so busy, nobody around, he started to think that I was out to get him too. I was trying to call his friend (who was nearby) to come get him but he took my phone away from me because he thought I was calling the cops, and then he threatened me. I got scared because I thought 'if he hurts me here and leaves me here, nobody’s going to find me until morning' and it was pretty cold out."
"His friend eventually came and got him and I left. Once I was safe I was jittery all night from the anxiety having been in rocky relationships before. I told him about it the next morning and he didn’t remember any of it. I broke things off shortly after."
cheese007_
Bye...
Season 9 Smh GIF by The OfficeGiphy"Woman asked me back to hers, got there and she introduced me to her boyfriend....noped outta there."
Candy_Lawn
The Crazy One
"I was at a guy's house, it was like our 4th time meeting and we started getting a bit more touchy and kissed more, I said I was gonna head home around 12 as I had a long day and he got in my face and got super aggressive and angry about it, like a child having a tantrum asking me why I didn't want to stop over at his place, this guy was 6ft 6, huge muscular guy who could probably pick me up with one hand."
"I stood my ground and told him to stop overacting and respect my decision. After that blow up I never saw him again. Should have seen the flags as he always claimed his exs were crazy... looks like he was the crazy one."
spiralgalaxym83
Broken
"I took my date to the city from the burbs maybe a 15-20min ride. I was 17 and had an old S-Class Benz that I bought from my dad's friend an old timer who didn't use it too much and owed my dad some money for work on another car. The car ran like a dream and I loved it. We were on the way and traffic started to build up so I removed my foot from the gas and as I braked I noticed the gas pedal was stuck at about 60mph."
"Without thinking I reached down and tried to pull the pedal back. I did it just in time without her noticing. I didn't tell her anything and the date went spectacular. I damn near broke a rib bending like that. Don't forget to stretch kids it could save your life."
Jenghrick
Get Sober
"Was on a date with a girl who proceeded to get very drunk, by the time we finished eating I had to carry her out. Honestly I didn’t notice she was that drunk during the date. Probably cause she was Korean and her English wasn’t very good, that and I was a horny early 20 something I kind of just assumed she was being silly on purpose."
"Well she was so drunk I had to walk her like 9 blocks to where I had parked the car since we had done some window shopping before settling on a restaurant. I have never felt more stress than walking a nearly blackout very attractive Korean girl 9 blocks in the middle if the city with people all down the street giving me looks. I honestly wanted to take a less popular street to avoid the looks but thought that would for sure look way creepier."
_Steve_French_
Oh Well
Shrek Film Smile GIF by PeacockTVGiphy"First date with my wife she took me off roading and when we went over a hill into a dip a donkey was just chilling in the middle of the trail, we drove off the trail and finally came to a stop without hitting any of the car sized boulders that are common in that area. The donkey just stood there the entire time not giving AF."
Peelboy
Walk On By
"We were walking by a river and he said « don’t worry i won’t drown you today » Safe to say i didn’t go out with him again."
zestygerman
Dumb Move
"We were driving past a police station. She was looking for something in her bag. Placed a big bag of weed on the dashboard, with cops outside. This was well before the acceptance and legalization of it. Not that it would have mattered as it was not a small bag. No one saw it, but what a dumb move on her part."
TheBklynGuy
Hi Mom
"I recently went on a second date with a girl (we’re both in our mid-late 20s) at a café and 20 minutes in a middle-aged woman at the table next to us just butted into the conversation. I was kinda confused until she introduced herself as the mother, and then she proceeded to hang out at the table for like 5-10 minutes before leaving. It was incredibly awkward, and although I kinda smoothed past it in the moment it did weird me out that her mom was just spying on us without me knowing, and the daughter never acknowledged her either until she joined in."
Nowhere
"There is a popular beach near my university, and you need to drive though a road that looks like it takes you to the middle of nowhere. Freshman me didn't know this, and I swear I thought I was going to die during that 10 minute drive."
pups_and_doggos
Be open. Be honest. Be your true self. These are the simplest ways for you to make a real connection on a first date.
Unless being honest means taking a gun out. Just, don't.
Reddit user FunChemical3182 asked:
"What is the weirdest animal fact you know?"
Like Perry
"Platypus glow blueish green under ultraviolet light."
"They also don’t have nipples, they just exude milk from glands under the skin and the baby’s lap it up."
~ WakingOwl1
"They have electrolocation in their bills that lets them detect their food under water."
~ DrPlatypus1
"And they lay eggs."
"The more I find out about them the more I understand why people first thought they were fake."
~ Reidroshdy
"After seeing all these platypus facts I am convinced these things are aliens that have been abandoned on Earth."
~ SeattleOne206
Kapow!
"Mantis Shrimp have 16 different sets of cones. Rods and cones are in your eyes. Cones see color, rods see light and motion."
"Dogs have 2 sets of cones—green and blue. Humans have 3 sets of cones—green, blue and red."
"Mantis Shrimp are seeing colors we can't comprehend and explains why they're very colorful."
"That’s not even the strangest thing about them."
"They can also punch as fast as a .22 bullet which cause a cavitation bubble which boils the water around them at temperatures of several thousand Kelvins."
~ RigzDigz
GiphyTerrible Twos
"Cats have the mental capacity of a 2-year-old which makes a lot of sense."
~ Alive_Ad823
Cats Dragging GIFGiphyLike Tinder
"When a female sloth wants a mate she'll hang onto a tree branch and just scream."
~ Remarkable_Sink2542
GiphyGood Thing They're So Small
"Dragonflies are the most successful predators on Earth."
"When lions choose prey they have like a 10% chance of catching it."
"African painted dogs—who hunt in packs—have the highest kill rate of any mammal, successfully catching 51% of their prey."
"When a dragonfly locks onto a target, it has a 99.9% success rate!"
~ PurpleInevitable2103
GiphyOn A Swivel
"Owls have really long necks, but it's hard to notice that because their feathers are so fluffy."
~ ergonaut
GiphyWhat About Cousin It?
"Sea otters are the most densely furred animal with 600,000 to 1,000,000 hair follicles per square inch."
"Dogs have about 15,000 per square inch, humans on average are between 800 to 1,290 hairs per square inch."
~ atom1129
Giphy
Sucker Punchers
"Octopus punch other fish for no reason—so, for fun."
~ Samanthalynn8915
"There's a direct correlation between species' intelligence and dickish behavior."
~ TheDesktopNinja
Looks Are Deceiving
"Polar bear fur isn't white—it's translucent (for most frequencies of light). And they have black skin underneath."
"So polar bear fur lets all the light through to their black skin to warm them—except for a few visible frequencies to keep them camouflaged as white."
~ seedanrun
GiphyWho's Going To Attack One‽‽
"Honey badgers can turn their a**holes inside out and use the smell to deter attackers."
"Not sure what exactly has the guts to attack a honey badger, but if they have the courage to do so, the badger sure as hell isn’t gonna make it easy."
~ nonexistantauthor
GiphyBig Momma
"The Blanket Octopus exhibits the highest degree of sexual dimorphism known."
"Females: About 6 feet across."
"Males: About one inch."
~ Fabulous-Pause4154
High Times
"Dolphins will intentionally use puffer fish to get high."
~ altkaldra
"They upset blowfish so they inflate, and therefore emit poison. It gets the dolphins high. Then they pass it around, literally."
~ smack4u
"Not just the dolphins. I recently saw a video about 10 animals that like to get high. Very interesting."
~ s137leo__
"Lemurs do that with giant centipedes/millipedes too."
~ chubbyknuckles420
Fabrizio Frigeni on Unsplash
Better Than Bike Helmets
"Woodpeckers' tongues wrap around their brains to cushion them from the vibrations of slamming their face into trees all day."
~ we_made_yewww
"Their tongues also have barbs to grab bugs out of the holes."
"Their brains have additional cushioning because, you know, they spend their days smashing their face as hard as possible into trees."
~ RhynoD
Detachable Organs
"Argonauts [paper nautili] are small octopuses that are too lazy to have intercourse."
"They detach their penises and toss them into the open sea to mate with female argonauts."
"The detachable 'd*ck' is a tiny tentacle, complete with suckers and sperm, that develops in a cavity under the eye of a male argonaut [paper nautilus]."
"When it's time to mate, the tentacle explodes out of the cavity, instantly killing the male argonaut. The tentacle then swims towards a female argonaut to insert itself."
"Sexy, huh?"
~ Schwarzes__Loch
What's your favorite weird animal fact?
Tough guys put on a facade that indicates to others that they always know what's going on.
But their confidence doesn't always match their intellect, which is probably why they cover their insecurities by walking around and trying to show everyone who's really the boss.
If that's the case, they should keep their mouths shut because not everything that comes out of their mouth needs to be heard.
Yet, it can be amusing to everyone else.
Curious to hear examples of these, Redditor PrototypeShadowBlitz asked:
"Reddit, what is the stupidest thing you've heard from the 'alpha male' community?"
You might find these guys at a bar.
The Dude Must Be Hungry
"Had a run in once with a group of young lads about something in a bar and one of them said we are top of the food chain bro and you will be the prey."
– insertitherenow
"'Whatever, mall ninja" -proper response."
– TheEighthLord
If The Shoe Fits
"That they were an alpha male."
– I_Have_A_Name37654
"The use of 'Alpha Male,' unironically is every indication that you're dealing with a child's understanding of manhood."
– 88Dubs
Brat Pack
"Me and my bros are all alpha males."
– SonOfDadOfSam
"I was skiing one time and rode the lift with a guy that said, 'I don't feel no pain. I live with 5 roommates and none of us feel any pain.' Okay, bud. That's a really interesting coincidence."
– NicPizzaLatte
They sure thrive on making sexist comments.
Contagious Femininity
"A coworker said, 'I don't spend too much time with my girlfriend because I'll become too feminine.'"
– Lazy_Natural6154
"FELLAS IS IT GAY?!"
– aliebabadegrote
Sexist Categorization
"I have been called a beta for saying that my wife makes more money than I do. She works in a more lucrative field and is more educated than I am, so it makes perfect sense that she makes more than I do."
"So I came back, and this post has really blown up. There's just a few things I want to clarify."
"1- I have only ever been called a beta online."
"2- I work full-time in project management. I have a master's degree. I have a 6 figure salary."
"3- My wife has a PhD and works in finance. She also has a 6 figure salary, it's just a higher salary than my own."
"4- I'm sorry to anyone who might feel as though my original post misled them."
– ExaminationDouble240
It's Teamwork
"A real man would be proud of his wife for achieving success, and not fall for that sort of insecure bullsh*t."
"It's not a contest, that's the real joke here. Good on you for seeing the big picture."
– Mrbeardoesthethings
Do these roles about parenting sound familiar?
Childish Things Are Too Girly
"Real men don't take their kids trick or treating is one that I heard recently."
– constructionguy89
"Related. Guys who brag about not changing diapers, not playing 'girly' games, etc. Essentially guys who brag that their only contribution to fatherhood is money and masculine things like fishing or football. Even then some of them brag about not paying a lot of child support to prove they didn't let the system take advantage of them."
"I can't imagine a life so empty my only accomplishment worth bragging about was being a terrible parent."
– Green7000
This Woman's Work
"I was told that taking care of my kids is woman's work. Apparently it's concerning that I try to spend so much of my free time with them. Oddly enough the meatheads at my grappling club think it's sweet I occasionally have my daughters' hair clips on and nails painted."
– MrFunktasticc
People discussed rules in the bedroom.
Never Submissive
"That a man is turned off when their wife/girlfriend seduces them, because if she wants sex and shows it she is a sl*t, also making the man the submissive one…"
– kamalaophelia
Stifling Emotions
"Not the whole community, but was cuddling with a guy once and could tell he was trying not to get emotional over something that was bothering him. He said, quite literally, 'it's not alpha male behaviour.' I told him that I liked that he showed emotions sometimes, and he looked disgusted by the fact that I pointed it out."
– LambLifts
In high school, a classmate who was on the football team said I was a "sissy" for listening to classical music.
The other classmates laughed at me, which was hardly surprising since all of the guys on our unbeatable football team were considered stars on campus.
This kind of mockery was a typical day for me.
I can laugh at their idiotic comments now but back then, I don't know why I ever let them get under my skin.
We've all done things, or in some cases, regularly do things that others might consider weird.
Even so, we often feel no shame or embarrassment and embrace how unusual these habits are, and take our friends teasing or laughing at us for doing so in stride.
Sometimes, however, we might not like to advertise some of our unusual habits or actions and make every effort to keep them a well-guarded secret.
As raised eyebrows are much easier to take than blatant judgment from friends and peers.
Redditor Key_Nectarine_1969 was curious to hear all the weird things people have done which they still keep under lock and key, leading them to ask:
"What’s the weirdest thing you’ve done that you could only tell people anonymously?"
The Devil [Dogs] Is In The Detail...
"All throughout middle school, there was someone who tucked unwrapped Hostess Devil Dogs into the toilet paper dispensers in the bathrooms, so that when you pulled some toilet paper out, the devil dog would fall out into your hand."
"We had to have an assembly about it."
"That person... Was me."- bejeweled_sky
Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time
"Was drunk at an escape room with coworkers."
"It was an extreme one where you are handcuffed the entire time."
"I decided in my drunken state that it would be bada** to dislocated my thumb and slip off the cuffs like the movies."
"It wasn't."
"We got kicked out, my coworkers were weirded out and I had to go to the hospital."
"I quit a few weeks later."
"White collar wasn't for me."- Grotesque-penguin
The Bread Of Heaven
"Stole over 1,000 wafers from church because I really liked the communion wafers & didn’t know where else to get them."
"I felt really blessed & cursed for a long time."- hALLIEcinate
catholic the exorcist GIFGiphyRetracing Steps...
"Once I got off the subway in NYC and I was super early for an appointment."
"So I picked a random guy and just followed him on foot for like 30 minutes, pretending I was like a private detective or something."
"Always kept about a half block behind."
"He turned this way and that, and eventually went into a building I had lived in 9 years earlier."
"It was weird, and so was I."- OKsurewhynotyep
Hygeine Be Damned...
"I found a dead rat in a field when i was younger and kissed it bc I wanted to say goodbye."- qeleia
exercise push up GIFGiphyBad Decisions Have A Way Of Getting Back To You...
"We got super drunk and ate a ton of spicy food in New Orleans."
"Back at the B&B, the food started to come out the back side."
"I was sitting on the toilet sh*tting bricks of fire."
"At that moment, the booze decided to hang a u-turn."
"The trash can was out of reach and I couldn't risk standing up from the toilet for even 5 seconds."
"The closest receptacle was the bathtub."
"I managed to turn in such a way that I could keep shi*ting in the toilet while projectile vomiting into the tub."
"Both ended up clogged, and there was no plunger."
"I had to call the owner to explain that I had destroyed both their toilet and their tub simultaneously."- HoopOnPoop
Things Best Left To Professionals...
"My partner is weirdly prone to cysts."
"I had to drain a 3 inch cyst on her back (thankfully she had a dr's appt the next week), then multiple other little cysts on her legs and chest."
"I never told her to her face but that first giant cyst literally haunted me, the amount of pus and blood I saw....good heavens."- SleepyBiologist
uruguay spot GIF by sargentoPezGiphyAt Least A Lesson Was Learned...
"When I was walking to school one morning, I saw a kid (7-8 yo?) kicking a dog."
"I ran over & kicked the kid and asked him how it felt."
"He ran off and no one saw."
"Still not sorry."- sneezyailurophile
All Creatures Deserve Love
"I was extremely socially isolated as a child and tried to make friends with the coyotes who lived in the woods by our home."
'I caught one in a snare and fed and kept her."
"I wanted a friend."- letthetreeburn
That's What Friends Are For...
"My wife and her best friend pick me up from a frat party black out drunk."
"Then they helped me take a sh*t on the toilet, wiped my a** and then gave me a shower and put me to bed naked."
"Don’t remember any of it."- nc3100
Party Love GIF by Chris CiminoGiphyNot The Right Kind Of Manure...
"One time I went outside at like 2AM and put the garden hose nozzle into my butthole and sprayed some water into it, then farted it out onto the lawn."
"Basically gave myself an enema with a garden hose."
"I did this because I was bored."
"My neighbour saw me and told my dad (lived at home at the time)."- WaspsInMyGoatse
A Little Fantasy Now And Then...
"When I was younger I joined an international dating site that I figured was a scam."
"Put a black square as my picture and gave myself a fake name, and then looked through their users."
"And after about 10 minutes I had like a 100 messages."
"Most of them were messages telling me how handsome I was or how these women fell in love with me at first site."
"Now I knew it was a scam but when ever I felt down or got rejected for a while I would pop back on the site and read a few messages."
'Yeah it’s kinda cringy and probably pathetic but it made me feel better."
"I would just turn off that logical part of my brain that knew it was a scam for awhile and just pretend I was this popular and desirable guy."
"And it honestly got me through the day sometimes."- Demonking3343
dating app GIFGiphyIf anyone says they've never done anything they're ashamed, or at the very least less-than-proud of, in all likelihood, they are lying.
Or, more likely, they understandably want to pretend that it never happened.
Which might be a little easier than harboring a secret.