Horror comes in many forms.
Sometimes the scary moments we encounter draw their horror from the eerie unknown in the same way horror films spook us.
Other times, terror comes in a very real-world, pragmatic form--sudden and grave danger of complete vulnerability.
However it comes, it's a whole lot better to read about it on the internet than experience it first hand.
Redditor aggressivepicklenato asked:
"What is the scariest thing that's happened to you?"
Of course, driving an automobile is one of the scariest, most dangerous things we can do. We often forget that, until one moment reminds us.
Out of Control
"Heart attack while I was driving. Pulled over and went into cardiac arrest." -- Big-Craft-72
"So you got arrested while driving." -- Quirinus84
"I was driving home late one night when I saw a girl on the side of the road, asking for help. I distinctly remember every nerve in my body suddenly going on edge, and I locked the doors as I drove past (old car had manual locks)."
"But something was telling me that no matter what, I shouldn't stop and help this girl. As I went by her I remember her yelling 'Fu** you!' "
"I felt guilty for not doing anything about it, so next morning I looked up reports in the area to see if I could find information on her. Turns out a guy got car jacked in the exact same area trying to help a girl in distress."
"He pulled over, and a group of people beat him and left him on the side of the road while they took his car. The girl in the report perfectly matched the description of the girl I saw."
Everything Stopped for a Second
"Truck swerved into my lane going highway speeds this last winter and smoked us. My wife, 3 kids and dog were in the car."
"The scariest part wasn't the impact, or the realization that we were about to get fu**ed. It was the brief moment of stunned silence after, the moment I turned around to see if everyone in my family was ok."
"Thankfully, my kids escaped with no injury, my wife had to undergo surgery for internal bleeding (but ultimately recovered and is great today) and my sweet, lucky old dog. Somehow, he survived getting tossed around in the trunk."
When You Realize How Fast You Were Going
"I had a tire blow out while I was on the highway. I felt the wheel start to vibrate and my heart just dropped. Cars were flying by at least 70 mph as I'm trying to merge onto the shoulder."
"I have had anxiety about driving on the highway since then"
Others traced their horror back to the unbelievable power of the natural world.
At the Whims of Giant Plates
"I live in San Francisco, in 1989 we had an earthquake. It was so intense, it moved my refrigerator to the other side of the room."
"I've never felt that adrenaline fright as much as that day."
"Nearly getting swept out to sea while swimming alone in the ocean and barely making it back to shore."
"This would be super scary now, but for 6 year old me this was TERRIFYING. I was out hiking with my cub scouts group, and I was trailing behind."
"I fell, slipped a couple feet down a hill, and got my leg caught under a log. It was only the start of the hike and it was pretty long, so I was terrified that I'd be stuck there for almost 2 hours. This is canada, during bear season."
"They came back after about 5 minutes. Present me would've know that probably would've happened, but that was terrifying for 6 y/o me."
These Are The Worst Job Interviews Ever | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
And others recalled the times they were sure violence--and even death--were coming straight for them.
A Surge of Violence
"My ex is an angry drunk.. one night we got drunk for our mutual friends birthday. The birthday girl and her bf started getting in a big fight so we separated them. While doing that we got separated and couldn't find each other. I found him after about an hour."
"He was pi**ed I took birthday girl home and didn't care about him being at the bar alone with her bf. So he punches my car windshield out and chases me into the house. He catches up to me and pulls me by my head down to the floor. Proceeds to put one hand over my mouth and one hand around my neck."
"I remember nothing but begging for him to let go. Every second felt like a lifetime without air. On top of him sitting on top of me and the crying I was doing. I never thought I'd ever beg for my life like that. I was literally saying sh** like 'please just take your hand off my mouth, I'll do anything, please, I can't breathe!' "
"Eventually he just snapped out of it and let go in self pity 'omg what am I doing' and I ran upstairs to my roommates as he chased me again to try to not let them know what happened. Luckily I got to them in time and they called the police."
Lock Up Your Guns!!
"I was 13 and baby sitting two 7 year old boys. One of the boys found his dad's gun. They proceeded to point it at me and threaten to shoot me, because they found it funny."
"I still don't know how I talked them into putting the gun away. I had been baby sitting them for a year on Wednesdays. That was the last night I did though."
"Found myself behind my high school with a bunch of kids who didn't know who I was. They threatened me and pulled knives."
"I still don't know how I managed to talk my way out of it but I got out of there as quick as I could"
When I was 12
"My step dad was angry in general and even angrier drunk, which he typically was. One day he decided to scream at me for some reason or another while I'm minding my own business, and he told me he was going to get his shotgun from his mom so he could shoot me. I was 12."
"I called the police, and he started to backtrack and beg me not to call on him. I told the officer to please take me to a friend's house. On the way, the officer was telling me that my stepdad was just drunk and didn't mean any of it. This was a small town where everyone knew each other."
"I suffer from psychosis and I would have to say hallucinations."
"Psychosis was def the scariest thing I've ever been through in my life, and I'm sorry you struggle with it consistently. I went through it three separate times, some lasting days last summer. It was like waking sleep paralysis. At one point I thought I was bleeding out into my carpet, hallucinating the blood and having tactile hallucinations I was wet and sticky and my blood pressure dropped so low I had to be brought to the hospital. I hope you're in a better place. Take your meds, that's what made my hallucinations stop and I eventually began to be able to function."
In the blink of an eye
"10 months ago when I heard a crash in the bathroom my husband was in and he didn't answer me when I called out asking if he was ok. Called 911 as I struggled to get the door open. Got in. Found him facedown. I rolled him over, and he exhaled for the last time in my arms. I tried to breathe for him, compress his chest."
"But I already knew he was gone. And in that moment, it was like a bomb exploded in the middle of my life. It's scary when you've lost your person, your love, the most important thing in the world to you. When your life changes in an instant. I went from being a happy wife to a 31-year-old widow with an uncertain future. In the blink of an eye."
A Trip to Florida...
"Wend for a scuba dive trip down in Florida. On the second day we were just finishing the dive in the Spiegel grove when out of the blue I see a panicked diver heading towards me. He shows me his digital console and there is a big fat 0 there. Gave him my spare second stage."
"The current was very strong and we still had to either descend another 15' or so to the main deck holding on to the railings to reach the boat line which was tied to one of the cranes , or gun against the current directly to the line. I chose the second. By the time we barely made to the line, i started to feel a little water in my regulator. That is a sign my air was depleting. The panicked guy was breathing like a bull. I switched him to my buddy's air and signaled to continue the ascension."
"Luckily as the pressure decreases, air expands a little in the system so o could still breathe up to 15'. I left the two of them there to do a safety stop and surfaced. With them surfacing 3 minutes later. Long story short, he lost visual contact with his buddies during the dive, panicked and used all of his air looking for them. Not following your training can get you killed."
Testing for Weakness
"Woke up around 3am one night to loud tapping outside my bedroom window (my bedroom was in the basement of our house). I assumed it was raccoons or something trying to get into our neighbour's shed. After listening for a while longer I managed to fall back asleep. In the morning I brought up the noise to my mom who said she had heard a similar noise coming from that same side of the house, only she got out of bed and went to the front living room window to investigate."
"What she saw was a man emerge from between our house and our neighbour's place. He stopped in front of our home, took a long look before removing a pair of latex gloves and then proceeded to walk down our street. I assume he was testing for weak spots or something and luckily didn't manage to make it inside that night."
"Mugged and beat up at 1AM behind a dumpster in Denver when I was 19."
"Spinning out on a highway due to hydroplaning. Ended up barely tapping another car, but I thought I was done for."
"Sorry to make it about me but you just reminded me of my first "accident" a few years ago. It had rained the week prior so the ground was very mushy. First snow of the year and it had snowed a good 3-4in (and it was the nasty lake effect snow all Michiganders know)."
"I'm in the left lane, there's a smallish SUV ahead of me and a semi next to them. Then a pickup truck was trying to merge on to the highway. I think what he did was to try to beat the semi truck by speeding the heck up instead of being smart and just entering the highway like a normal person. This fool literally spun out a MINIMUM of 6 times."
"I tried following the path of the little SUV in front of me (in a company Nissan Sentra) which included slightly going off the road. I would have been fine until the pickup barely clipped my car and sent me into the median. And since it had been raining the week before, I was completely unable to get traction to get out. The pickup? Never stopped. By the time I realized he wasn't going to stop, it was too far away to read the license plate. A**hole."
"Also, sleepwalking. Holy crap, is it scary and disorienting to go to sleep in your bed and wake up mid stride through the living room, bruised and bleeding from bumping into things. Night terrors and sleep paralysis are also quite awful. I've experienced all of the above more times than I care to remember."
Dad, what are you doing?
"Fell asleep in the living room watching TV. Wake up around midnight to my Dad walking pass me. He heads to the side door, unlocks it and starts walking to the chicken coop. By the time he's outside I'm up and following after him; calling out in a whisper "Dad, what are you doing?" - no response, I think maybe he can't hear me despite being only a few steps behind him."
"Dad walks in to the chicken coop and I lose sight of him for about two seconds - I walk in to chicken coop and... it's empty. I'm very confused now. There is only one door for the coop and I'm standing in it. Suddenly, there's a hand on my shoulder. Almost jump out of my skin and whirl around - it's my Dad. He heard me walking outside, had followed after me trying to call out my name but for some reason I hadn't heard him."
Surely you have your own example of the most horrifying moment of your life. Here's hoping the scars haven't lasted too long or burrowed too deep.
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Remember way back when the internet wasn't a flaming dumpster fire?
Yeah, us either.
The internet has always been a mess, but it's also always been beautiful.
It connects people, ideas, senses or humor, creativity! Yes, we've got our fair share of deviants, murderers, and trashbag people, but we've also got decades of wonder to celebrate.
Newbies like to think using the internet for awesomeness is something they came up with, but the old heads are here to tell you the internet has ALWAYS been a complicated crash course in the coolest stuff ever.
So let's hop in the wayback machine and get our nostalgia on.
Reddit user ransom0374 asked:
"What do you miss from early internet times?"
So let's take that walk down memory lane, or if you're new-ish here on planet Earth, this is going to be a fun little "history" lesson.
If you're uncertain where you fall, here's a test:
"Badger, Badger, Badger, Badger..."
If you finished the song, you're probably going to remember quite a few of these...
"AIM away messages saying stupid stuff like 'BRB going to get some bagel bites.' "
"Don't forget to update your personal profile with Blink 182 lyrics and the initials of your school sweetheart and some ASCII. Browse for a new inappropriate buddy icon and strike up a convo with SmarterChild"Giphy
"I miss the wild unknown frontier that the internet was."
"It seemed there was so much discovery to be had on the internet, and if you were good at the internet everyone thought of you as 'Hackerman' and you were like a God amongst your peers."
"It seems like there isn't anything 'new' on the internet anymore. No discoveries to be made."Giphy
The Irony Is Not Lost On Us
"Variety. There's a popular tweet that says something like 'the internet has turned into four websites where on each one people share screenshots of the other three.' "
"I miss when you could search a term and there would be dozens of sites dedicated to it or forums especially for it. Now it's just ads, Wikipedia, and Reddit."
"Oh, and not having ads shoved down your throat every time you search a term or navigate to a page!"
"I know there were pop ups and banners, which weren't any better. But there was a sweet spot."
"There was a few years there where you could Google something and half the first page WASN'T sponsored ads that had nothing to do with what you looked up. And you could go to a website and it DIDN'T block the page with a full screen ad asking for your email to join their mailing list or save 10% on their merchandise."Giphy
Figuring It Out
"That all the webpages were just random people trying to figure out HTML."
"There really wasn't a corporate presence at all. It was just a place for people to experiment."
"You could click on a button and make a cardboard hand wave at someone's cats. You could dispense a coke from a machine in some dorm. It was dumb and fun."Giphy
"The learning was endless."
"There were almost an infinite source of information from all over the world. If you wanted to find something all you had to do was search for it in Ask Jeeves or whatever and you'd find any website that had ever mentioned that thing."
"There were more than 10 different websites. And at least it didn't feel like I was being forced to sign up for a subscription after every click."
"There were so many fun, cute stores to shop. Now it feels like everyone dresses and decorates the same."
"I miss a lot of things about the early internet. I'm probably wrong, but it just felt safer than it does now?"Giphy
"I was in my late teens when the internet was becoming accessible to everyone. Our one household computer was in the kitchen & facing in a way so anyone coming in could see your screen."
"I remember looking at someone's website and my Dad passing by to get something to eat, asking me if the person on the website was my friend."
"I miss those old days! The internet seemed endless & friendly."Giphy
A Base Level For Participation
"Most people were smart."
"In the early days (by far) most people on the internet were in college, either as a teacher or student. Beyond that, people had to to be in a lab or make their computer talk to a connected computer which was not so easy in the old days."
"It acted as a sort of intelligence barrier one needed clear to participate in internet things."
"Higher barrier to entry."
"I remember the fond days of SLIP and Trumpet Winsock when you had to know at least a little about tech to get on and participate."
"There was still stupidity, but it just wasn't as loud as it is now."
"In the very very early days, pre-AOL, you needed skill and knowledge to get online."
"Then AOL came onto the scene an d anyone could get online at the push of a button."Giphy
Go Away Now
"I miss when what happened on the internet, stayed on the internet."
"You could turn off the beige box and go about the rest of your day without it affecting you."
"The fact that is only existed on a big computer in the house, as long as no-one was on the phone. It wasn't some all-encompassing thing."
"The internet not following me around. When you logged off, you effectively put the internet away."Giphy
It Used To Be...
"How people used to treat it."
"The internet was not just a novelty, but an amazing piece of technology that let anyone share anything. It was so wholesome and loving, with everyone still being amazed at what we could do now."
"Now? There's so many websites that are designed to make you angry and radicalize your beliefs. It's quantity over quality."
"There was a time when nobody on Reddit shared politics, when Facebook was for socializing, when YouTube was where people uploaded stuff they were passionate about."Giphy
We Used To Love Yahoo
"I can't remember what it was called, but Yahoo had this great music video program where it showed popular artists, and some very unknown folks."
"I discovered some of my favorite artists having it play in the background all the time."
"Launchcast/Yahoo Radio. It was revolutionary for music streaming and the 1-5 star system worked really well. I preferred it over Pandora's up/down system."Giphy
On a personal level, I want to go on record and say MusicMatch was the greatest music program in the history of life.
It just was.
I will die on this hill.
It was dopeness in all forms. MusicMatch Jukebox? Dope. Yahoo MusicMatch? Dope.
So what relics from Ye Olde Internet are you passionate about? Sound off in the comments!
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Never miss another big, odd, funny or heartbreaking moment again.
No one wants war.
Who is going to light the powder keg and set it all off?
Which country will start WW3? Why?
Does anyone really want to start another world war?
They may not have a choice in the matter.
Getting It Out Of The Way Early
"Austrian here, we will do it again probably, I would like to say sorry in advance! Most plausible reason at the moment is because Germans eat schnitzel with sauce on top, then this conflict will spiral out again into WW3."
"Third time's the charm!"
-Some Austrian, probably
Civil War 2: Electric Boogaloo
"It'll be a civil war that devolves into a world war, with no one country clearly responsible for this change."
"But we'll blame it all on germany again, right"
Why I Oughtta...
"At this point, there are enough nukes in the world to ensure that a World War would simply result in nuclear annihilation on all sides. Say what you want about authoritarians like Xi Jinping, Kim Jung Un, and Ali Khameni, they are many things; but they're not suicidal. They know that an all out war would just end everyone, including them, so they're not going to. This is why the US and the USSR never went to all out war, despite coming close a few times; the risks were just too great for both sides."
"What could easily happen, however, is another cold war, this time between the US and China. And like in the Cold War, there could be proxy wars fought as a result of it, but it's unlikely that any country will take the insane risks of starting World War 3."
A full-blown world war is a tricky thing to get off the ground, that is if anyone wants it. The leading cause to impending war could come out of nowhere, or somewhere completely unexpected, or perhaps it will never come.
2-Day War Delivery
"Bruh its gunna be Amazon, not a country"
"Jeff Bezos finna be dropping Amazon basics nukes on us"
Can It Even Happen?
"I don't think the world can handle another world war. simply for the sake that we're all so interconnected. every major nation trades with each other and are in bed with each other. I would be a detriment to whatever country starts a war."
"Think about how the global supply chain has been impacted by the pandemic, the world would probably cease to function all together in a major conflict."
"There was a quote I liked, I think it was from Dan Carlin. He said that leading up to WWI Europe had become too economically entwined to go to war with itself, but none of the economists were invited to the war councils. The generals making the decisions didn't understand the situation so they made dumb decisions. The situation is undoubtably more-so interconnected today, the question is, do we have economists making the call on starting wars?"
A Little Humor Before We Get To The Serious Stuff...
"Probably America, I mean they made Wonder Woman 1 & 2, so highly likely they'd make WW3. At least start it. Not sure why someone else would finish it."
"No, they don't know how to count.. They jumped from WW1 to WW84."
Is it in the realm of possibility? Possibly.
After all, people will be people.
Anyone Else Surprised? No?
"America have a surplus of military might, a recent history of starting wars for profit, EVERYTHING is politicised and extreme nationalism and xenophobia are normalised within the populace. I'm going with them."
These All Feel Tangible
"My guesses would be 1) USA vs China over Taiwan or 2) China vs India (a lot on tension there that doesn't get a lot of news attention)"
"India-Pakistan and China-India are hot beds."
"India and Pakistan have been at war numerous times since their inception. 5 'official' wars and 9 minor skirmishes, to be exact. The last conflict ended with a ceasefire in 2003, but the last incident was a series of skirmishes along the Line of Control in Kashmir, from November 2020 to February 2021."
"Neither is capable of a full-fledged invasion of the other, so it's limited to border disputes. And while Pakistan does have nukes, it would be suicide to use them. There's no incentive for any other countries to get involved."
Going For It
"China making a move on Taiwan or some other land grab in India or other bordering countries."
An Infectious Idea
"India and Pakistan. It will spread to China, then North Korea (or North Korea first) and pull in many others in Asia. This will pull in NATO, either directly or via global partners (Australia)."
This One Makes WAY Too Much Sense
"Twitter. Someone will probably make a typo that everyone takes the wrong way..."
Well, what do you think could happen? Let us know in the comments.
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So let's talk about how a dog owner on Facebook learned her dog's "adorable" behavior was, in fact, furious masturbation.
Readers, if you know anything about me you know I love a good plot twist and I love chonky puppers.
Yesterday, life combined my two great loves in a hilarious and inappropriate way.
I was mindlessly scrolling through my dog groups on Facebook when a video with a few hundred laugh reacts but almost no comments caught my eye.
The still from the video was a pudgy little Frenchie, so obviously I had to read and watch.
The dogs owner shared the video along with a post asking professionals to shed some light on why he does what he does.
Owner-obliviousness as they gushed about how adorable it was made the awkward even better.
The owner explained the Frenchie often makes aggressive eye contact and licks his lips while he "plays air guitar"—which is what the family calls it—and how cute & funny they all find the behavior.
The video was the dog, casually chilling, using his paw to rub the tip of his penis while staring awkwardly at the camera and licking his lips like a pup possessed.
Three hundred and fifteen laugh-reacts—at the time that I saw it—and only three comments:
1. a vet explaining that the behavior showed in the video was the dog masturbating while making direct eye contact
2. the owner giving a simple "thank you" and
3. the admins of the group closing the comments.
So, why am I sharing this with you?
Because Reddit user Drakmamman asked:
"Dog owners of reddit, what the dog doin?"
... and so now you get this whole article just so I had an excuse to tell y'all about a furiously fapping Frenchie, 'cause somebody else needed to know about him.
I cackled for a good 20 minutes imagining the family getting all giddy about their dog "playing air guitar"—making the little air guitar meedly squeedly noises while he played, maybe even playing along thinking they're enjoying a fun little game—but they're really just been giving a hair metal soundtrack to their dogs stroke sesh.
Something tells me now the owner knows what "air guitar" really is, they're not likely to rush and tell Reddit all about how they've been gathering as a family to watch cause it's just so cute.
That's what I'm here for.
Anyway, here's the stuff other people's dogs are up to. It's not fapping—or if it is, the owners aren't telling Reddit.
"Wife just came home with the baby. Dog is acting like she's been abandoned for years running up and down, barking and jumping on everything."
"They'd only been out an hour and I was with her the whole time." - Single_Goose7015
"My dog does this too when my wife comes home. Like what am I, chopped liver?" - jackof47trades
"I feel your pain. My dog started howling mournfully when my partner went back to work last week… I was right there!" - TreatOutside
"Staring at the door waiting for the only human he cares about to come home (obviously not me)" - SnarkyRedhead
"Probably trying to herd the cats."
"He's a border collie mix who's afraid of goats and sheep, but even after six years of living with them he still thinks he can control where the cats go."
"He's a good boy, he's very persistent, but not terribly bright sometimes." - TokesNotHigh
"After 8 years our border collie still herds the cats, and the vacuum." - psychologicaluse28
"Big heart, small brain. I have one of those dogs too. They are the sweetest." - Technobucket
"She has flung herself flat across the bed and is playing dead, quiet except for the occasional pitiful whine. Every now and then she lifts her head up and fixes a desperate look upon me, silently begging for release from her wretched existence."
"She's a bit overdramatic about having to wear a cone. The issue is an abrasion on a toe that she won't stop licking, which is making it worse."
"I've been alternating between bandaging it and having her wear a cone. She's been consistently a drama queen." - halfinboxes
"Staring at me because their dinner time is in one hour and they need to start letting me know that, in an hour, they need to eat...in an hour, so I better not forget...cuz they're hungry, which is why they're staring at me...and it's almost dinner time."
"Just one more hour, And they want to make sure I don't forget. Because maybe I will."
"So, they need to remind me. By staring at me. Every day. One hour before dinner." - MotherOfFred
A Little "Light" ExerciseGiphy
"Mine loves light reflected off watches or phones. And loves lasers."
"It's sunny and he sees light on the wall so he is bothering me to use my watch or phone so he can chase the light. I've spent the last hour doing it."
"I even got him a cat laser toy that's automatic for him and he runs himself tired as all hell with it. But he is STILL asking for it."
"Used the laser toy also too, so he is panting dripping tongue and still wants to play more..." - boomgoon
"Last night my dogs chased down and killed a rabbit in the backyard. They are usually so gentle; this was weird and unexpected."
"I watched the whole thing helpless because it was so fast. The rabbit screamed, it was insane."
"Now, I'm watching them sleep on my couch and can't help but think they just murdered someone."
"They are just vicious predators, right here, in my house. On my couch."
"But they snuggly as f*ck. This trips me out." - Atheist_Redditor
A Problematic PrincessGiphy
"We have two chihuahuas. One is a 15 year old (quite appropriately) named Princess and one is a one year old named Charlie."
"Both have their own dog beds on the couch since they are spoiled."
"When Princess is feeling particularly moody or like asserting her dominance, she will drag Charlie's bed into her bed and lay on top of BOTH of them and snarl at him if he comes close to her personal space bubble/bed mountain."
"And when we tell her she can't have both beds and put his bed back to the side, she just glares at us. Lol." - mslm90
"She's currently in her cage resting after her great adventure."
"She managed to get upstairs and grab a hold of one of my shoes. Not just any old shoe, but one of the shoes I am planning to wear this weekend for my wedding."
"After running around, she dropped the shoe to chew on a shirt - at which point she was cornered, and then brought downstairs."
"Pup and shoe are both unharmed and doing well. My nerves, not so much." - still_interesting23
So ... what's YOUR dog been up to lately?
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Have you ever fantasized about what it would be like to win the lottery? Having money for the rest of your life, as far as the eye can see, to cover your expenses.
And have you thought about all the things you would buy if you could really afford them? Are they ALL practical things, or are some of them silly?
We always love to fantasize about what life would be like if money were no object. And you are not alone!
Redditor OnlyVillager asked:
"If you won the lottery, what's something 'useless' that you would buy?"
Here were some of those answers.
I Be The Witch Of The Wood
"My teenage daughter disclosed to me the other day that her biggest life goal is to buy a house on an acreage that has a large wooded area."
"She plans to build me a house in the woods, fund whatever ridiculous bullsh*t art installations I want to erect in the woods, then spread rumors in neighboring towns that a witch lives back there."
"She's the best."-OpossumJesusHasRisen
My Kingdom For A Castle
"I'm blowing it all on a castle. No, not one of those fairy tale mansions from the 19th century robber barons called 'castles'.
"A fully loaded, honest-to-god, obsolete, medieval fortress. Two curtain walls, a keep, towers, barbican, portcullis, murderholes, loopholes, machicolations, the works. It'll be a well warmed summer retreat/place to hide out if another plague hits the world."
"I'm buying Au Train island in the Upper Peninsula to be specific. When the feds finally come after billionaires to pay their fair share, I'm running to my island and sealing the gates behind me."
"So I can get my affairs in order and pay my taxes. What were you thinking I was gonna do? Hide from the IRS? They can breach any castle lmao."-DaemonTheRoguePrince
I Wanna Be A Billionaire
- "I want a cold water dispenser on my desk. It has to be connected to the water line, filtered and cooled. Ideally it also has that thing that automatically knows when the container is almost full."
- "My new lifestyle would be to live 4 weeks in a different city, then 1 week at home. In each city, I would stay in a Luxury Airbnb or a five star hotel."
- "I would hire a professional soccer coach. I'm talking someone that trains pro players. I'm Arab and I'm tired of not being good at soccer, just a few months of lessons and I'll be able to participate in pick up games and have fun."
- "I would also hire singing, guitar and piano instructors. Singing would be the toughest because my voice sucks, but I figure with time I can be good enough to sing a song if I want to reference it. That's how bad I am today."-Reformedjerk
Imagine just not having to think when you click the "purchase" button.
A Nice Siesta
"Maybe not exactly "useless" in the way people are thinking (the way the question is asked makes me think by "useless" they mean "stupid/wasteful" but I'm thinking in terms of things that are fun and only for the purpose of having fun), but do vacations count?"
"If I had that much money all to myself, I would 100% rather have a regular sized house/car and spend the money on experiences instead."
"The idea of having a normal life but knowing that I can just decide to take the day off and go to DisneyLand or treat myself to a fancy dinner whenever the hell I want to is a fantasy I've had since I was literally a little kid."
"I get that those aren't useful things because they're not things I could USE like a car/house/purse/etc, but I'd definitely be happy:)"-StreetIndependence62
"Well this stuff is only useless if there isn't some sort of apocalyptic event that happens in my lifetime."
"That said, I'd go full prepper and bury myself a bunker in the desert with tons of food and water stored away and decked out with solar panels, a garage full of electric cars, and a stash of every sort of modern electronic equipment available in vast quantities."
"So this would be a huge waste of money if there's never an apocalypse. But it would be very valuable to me if there happens to be one."-TimHawks1983
"I have always wanted a talking toilet. I don't even know why at this point. I just saw it on a tv show, don't even remember what, and since that day I have thought 'yes, I want this.'"
"But right now, with my paupers wage, I cannot afford such a thing. I have a lot of serious plans for lottery level money. I would open a shelter for homeless people and start my own dog shelter. As well as my own theme park."
"But I would still get a talking toilet."-MagnificentColossus
Put Your Bird On My Shoulder
"I would get into falconry, vintage guitars from the 50s and 60s, a live in Cook, most of the surfaces that I touch would be marble, and I would save a significant portion of my money to split between investments and gambling on riskier stocks."
"Depending on how much money a private jet would be in the cards as well as a flight license. This is one of my favorite things to daydream about"-freemason777
The best part of all of this is, it doesn't matter that these things are useless.
They bring us joy, and that is what matters.
"Boring" "Flame Thrower"???
"Definitely a boring company flame thrower. And a Barrett M82."
"Probably a supercar too, but not to drive it. I want to light it on fire in a public space as an appeal to consumerism right before I go take a private jet to Nappa Valley to eat at the French Laundry and get hammered on the most expensive bottles of wine I can find."-xdylanxfrommyspace
"There are many things I bought that I regretted it immediately. I love to try new stuff. Especially no-brand or brand that is not famous. My curiosity is very high, that is the problem."
"I wanted to know whether those products are okay for human being. For example, I bought BioAqua face products. The most product I regret is BioAqua aloe vera. After my third use of the product, I actually experience worst allergic in the world."
"My skin had a lot of red patches appeared in just few hours. It was itchy but not painful. Just I keep scratching my skin but I tried my best to control it."
"It took about three - five days to keep it clear with medication and creams. Then after a couple of weeks, I decided to use it again. I got the reaction."
"Thankfully, I still have the medication and the cream. So, I took it immediately. I also did not apply the cream that much compared to previous time."
"I still have the aloe vera bottle in my room. I wanted to throw it but I could not throw it. Yet, I cannot use it and yes, I feel sad when I saw it. So, you can understand how I feel."-nimbledealing53
Hobby Hobby Hobby!
"If I won the lottery - I would open a shop for my favorite hobby. I would manage it like a business, giving a decent wage to several workers allowing them to pursue a degree or whatever and have a job that doesn't suck."
"I'd lose money on running a store. But I'd enjoy it. I'd enjoy sharing my hobby, selling the stuff I love at reasonable prices and giving a few young people a good job in a stress free environment."
"Useless store, great life experience for the people I'd employ."-Dealthagar
Money doesn't solve all of the world's problems or all of a person's problems, even—but it certainly does make life a little easier here and there for those who need it.
Hopefully the 21st century sees all of us buying things with our millions of dollars.
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