Does anyone enjoy receiving telemarketing calls at night? Truthfully, is there a single person alive who looks at an unlisted number while they eat dinner and think, "Excellent. I can't wait to see who this is." Telemarketers are trying to do a job, that's understandable. What may be less easy to understand and accept are the call centers who are not trying to do anything worthwhile or bring attention to a good cause, but are merely out to scam unsuspecting people of their hard earned money/bank information.
Reddit user, u/cmdrrockawesome, wanted to hear the behind the scenes scoop when they asked:
Quite The First Day With A Soulless CompanyGiphy
Got a job at a telemarketing place once.
First day was told "If you are okay scamming people you can make a lot of money."
After the intro class we were split into pairs and were told to listen in to the experienced "workers". Essentially how it worked was you call into a real company and the scammers would get phone numbers close to the reputable companies, so as you call in and are on hold, you think you are waiting to speak with them.
A message would come on, with some kind of scam deal, a free trip, $1 dollar subscription for 12 months that costs you hundreds later on, things like that.
The very first call this confused senior. Who thought she was waiting to speak with her bank. So she willingly gave out things like her credit card number ect. By the time she clued in and realized it was a scam and asked us not to process the information, the rep hung up on her and was actually laughing...
Needless to say, I hopped on a bus home after that to go back to the want ads.
Magazines Are Not Vacations. Just To Be Clear.
Was some bullsh-t "You won an entry into a cruise" but actually they were selling magazine subscriptions.
I worked there one shift. Actually made sales, felt gross after. Never picked up my one cheque.
Not Free In The Way You Think
Yes. Back in the 90s. We gave away free phones. Then that turned into them paying like 49.99 a month for the service. Then it turned into house alarms. Free and free hookup but like 59.99 a month.
Manager told us "if you get someone bad at speaking English aka immigrant or similar, and you don't land them your fired. Try win they won. Get their credit card number to ship. "
I quit after about a month...
To The Surprise Of No One...
I worked at one where we handled multiple different clients but it was DirectTV that got me fired. I dealt with rebates and they were so sneaky with their sh-t that I just couldn't take it anymore. Essentially they would sign people up to an expensive plan but say "no worries once you send in the rebate you'll get a huge discount on your monthly bill going forward." Then they wouldn't tell people how to send in for it properly.
I got so many calls from people, especially elderly, complaining that their bill was massive compared to what they were told it would be. I would explain the rebate and get them signed up for it but here's the kicker. It took up to 60 days for it to kick in so by the time they got it they were usually paying 3 to 4 big bills. I got fired because I started agreeing with customers that it was bullsh-t and sneaky. The company I worked for listened back to my calls and I was let go. Not even mad honestly, you couldn't pay me enough to scam people out of their money.
When The Way They Dress Is A Dead Giveaway
Worked a call center in college, lasted all of 2 hours. We were collecting for some State Trooper support fund or something, and there was a 'manager' circulating on the floor with his own manager's head set where he could come plug in and listen in on your calls. Dude was a tool, total Colin Ferrell's character from Horrible Bosses type - you know that guys, dark purple dress shirt with skinny black tie, chain wallet, bad goatee, starting to lose his hair at 25, drives a Sentra with an expensive stereo in it and smells like clove cigatrettes.....THAT guy.
Cut into a call where this elderly lady went from "sorry, I can't contribute anything this year" to "because I'm having surgery and blah blah....and Todd or Chad or whatever his name was is all " Bro, you just need to cut people like that off and get to the next call, f-ck em"
I just realized that was not what I wanted to spend my time doing...
Makes You Wonder Where All That Money Is Going
When I was about 19 I worked for a call center for 3 days. They were scamming everyone including the employees.
First, shifts were only 3 hours long and you would be scheduled for 2 of those back to back (I.e. 9-12 & 12:30-3:30). This is because if you are scheduled for longer than that you are 1. Legally entitled to break time 2. If you are scheduled for longer than 3 hours and get cut you have to be paid a minimum of 3 hours. The company would regularly cut you if you weren't bringing in enough money, you were then expected to return for your next shift.
I'm sure they screwed people's pay checks somehow but I walked out in day 3 and abandoned my paycheck.
I walked out because that was the day I learned where the money went. See, we weren't selling sh!t, we were raising money for breast cancer research. The key piece that led me to quit was when I learned that 0.1% of all donations went towards the actual research. The remaining 99.9%? Well, it was lining pockets and funding other centers to scam people.
I now only donate directly to a source and even then only after vetting them.
For a while in Florida (go figure) I was selling "Back to the Fifties" concert tickets. This was to raise money for a police union, but we were told to start off every conversation with "You know the Just say no to drugs program in schools, for the kids?" .
Total scam, the concert was all of these has-been acts and barely anybody showed. Only lasted a couple of months
Many people have been scam like that in Florida, especially the elderly, I don't know how many time I open the tv to watch the news hearing about another elderly how got scam out of thousands of dollars because the were scared they were being convicted of a crime or that they needed a certain product because it was a requirement in the state or if not they would lose their houses, it's very sad to see.
We Want A Gift. But Only If It's MONEY.
It wasn't a scam. But I needed a job in college so I went to the job fair. First booth I approached was the alumni center, connected with the hiring manager, and got the job on the spot. Come to find out, we had to cold call alumni and ask for a "gift" to the university.
The cherry on top was that I was assigned a list of numbers of alumni who had graduated in the 60's and 70's. Few calls ended with widows upset or crying I was asking for their deceased spouse. I lasted two weeks and no called no showed. Not my proudest moment but needed out.
You've Opened The Gates To The Enemy!
I worked for a place to call people and see if they were interested in an insurance quote, if they said 10/10 interested they got BOMBARDED with calls. Constant. I left once I realized this. In Mass we don't like to talk to anyone so once I realized what I was doing I thought about my land line and was like nah. However it was commission so they kept me for a minute.
I got hired for one that was run by Evel Knievel's cousin, back in the day.
It was the weirdest f-cking gig, they were selling boxes of cheap engraved pens for like $600. The whole job was basically cajoling people into buying these overpriced pens... I left after my first day of training.
An Endless Cycle Of Nothing
It wasn't exactly a scam, but it was kind of sketchy IMO. We were fundraising for a grab-bag of causes; pretty much any organization or campaign could hire us and outsource their telefundraising to us. I was pretty desperate for work this one summer and had failed to find anything else, so there I was.
The sketchy part was that the funds we raised were, in some cases, pretty much just being used to...continue telefundraising. It was this self-perpetuating bullsh-t. And while we were, on paper, supposed to be really honest about where the funds went, (a) our materials were always out of date and we'd sound like idiots talking about congressmen who'd died in the meantime,and (b) the people who really racked up the big money lied all the time and management turned a blind eye to it.
Also, they got mad when we wanted to use the bathroom. (You talk for hours, you want water to drink. You drink water, you pee. It's simple biology, people.)
One time the computer system screwed up and started calling Hawaii at like 4am their time. They didn't shut it off while trying to fix it, but told us to keep calling.
I was bad at it and never made much commission (you got a base hourly rate, but it was loooow), and by the time I quit, I was glad I wasn't making much money because it meant I wasn't ripping anyone off. I finally just noped out when my regular job started back up again in the fall.
Burning The Bridge And The Cliff
...I worked for a company that sold different products to people and used celebs to scam them and overcharge them and wouldn't give them the money back. My last day I had had enough because not only this, but they tried telling me I was in the bathroom for three hours in the first two hours of my day. How?
So that day I refunded every person that called and left at 12 pm. Never returned.
At Least You Waited Until The Third Day
You're desperate for a job. They call you and it seems legit enough. You go through training and its fun, the people in your training class are all pretty cool, the managers make you feel special, you think you might actually like this. Then it happens you get on the phone, first real day of work and after the 5th person hangs up you realize that you are one of THOSE people. How did I not see this before, but your Managers are behind you cheering you on, telling you not to lose steam, offering free Lunches.
You get conflicted. You know its wrong. I worked there 2 days , the third day I came to work clocked in... looked around and just got up and left.
i worked for a call center for about a month that bugged people to donate to "charities" with very similar names to actual charities, but less than 1% of the pledge would actually go towards a charity.
when i found this out i felt anxious about it and left, basically ghosting on it. no manager or employee of any kind even so much as called once when i missed my next shift. i just stopped showing up and then never heard from anyone again.
a few weeks later i got a call to my land line (that i don't give out), asking if i wanted to come work for........ the exact same company. in my head i was like "do you guys even remember that i literally DID work there and then just stopped showing up? oh ok then."
definitely how a legitimate and not shady corporation would act.....
Money Ending Up In The Wrong Hands
Worked at one place when I was 19 or so that did public radio pledge renewals. Turned out the boss wasn't actually giving that money to anyone, just kept it. Bunch of suits and uniforms showed up and arrested him, shut the company down in the middle of the work day. No idea if he was ever convicted or what might have happened to him afterward.
Probably jail. That sound like serious fraud.
Oh definitely fraud, probably federal since we were calling all over the country. I didn't follow the case so I can't say for sure what happened tho. Jail at the very least, but more likely a very long prison sentence
When They Represent The Opposite Of What They PreachGiphy
Worked for an environmental non-profit as a teen doing calls and going door to door. I didn't really understand the legislation we were getting signatures for but hey it's good for the environment. A very very nice hippie lady invited me in and explained that the non-profit I was working for was financed by the oil companies and was trying to backdoor a way to remove any liability for spills in the Gulf. I did some research and, sure enough, that was indeed the case.
Told everyone in my office. About half were horrified and the other were like "Eh, it's a livin'" I left and so did many others. It was a trash place to work anyway as you were paid by how much you brought in in donations.
Do you have something to confess to George? Text "Secrets" or "" to +1 (310) 299-9390 to talk him about it.
Let me be real for a second.
Every time I listen to Bjork's "Unravel," my heart breaks a bit.
Have you ever listened to it?
It's on Homogenic, her third studio album, and it's incredible, passionate, smartly produced and a great showcase for her stupendous voice.
That song? An emotional rollercoaster, for sure.
There's tons of great music out there, though, and even more sad and gorgeous songs to discover.
People shared their thoughts after Redditor humanbear07 asked the online community:
"What song genuinely breaks your heart everytime you hear it?"
"Ann Wilson has such an amazing voice..."
"There's a few, but the isolated vocal track for Heart's 'Alone' is especially heartbreaking to me. Ann Wilson has such an amazing voice and her emotion really made that band."
Doesn't grow old.
There have been quite a few excellent covers of this one over the years, too.
"The first words give me chills..."
"Most songs by the late Jeff Buckley are sad on their own, and even more devastating in context. But the one that hits me the hardest is his cover of 'I Know It's Over' by the Smiths."
"The subject of the song is up for interpretation no matter what, but Jeff Buckley's premature death adds an element to it that seems to be about his life, whether he planned to or not."
"The first words give me chills the most— they happen after the classic reverby Jeff Buckley intro, the kind Hallelujah fans will be familiar with. He takes his time with this one, like he does with that."
No love for "Lilac Wine"?
It's clearly the best track.
"Ever since my husband..."
"'Merry Christmas, Darling' by the Carpenters. Ever since my husband Tom died in 2012, my heart breaks every Christmas since. We loved Christmas."
Karen Carpenter's voice hits differently when you realize how tortured her life was.
Gone too young.
"My Dad told me..."
"In My Life by The Beatles. My Dad told me when I was a teenager that he wanted it played at his funeral. I still can't listen, and when that day comes and I HAVE TO listen to it to honor his wish, I'm going to be a blubbering mess."
Sounds like you have an excellent relationship with your dad.
"My grandmother died..."
"He Stopped Loving Her Today, by George Jones. My grandmother died almost 20 years before my grandfather, and we played it at his funeral. Just typing this chokes me up a bit."
Songs have even more meaning (sometimes painfully so) when linked to specific moments in our lives, particularly the moments when we've lost people we care about.
"I'm not a Christian..."
"'Bridge Over Troubled Water' by Simon & Garfunkel. Not a Christian, but when I hear it, I understand why people believe."
A beautiful song, and timeless, too.
"My sister's husband..."
"Always on my Mind by Willie Nelson. My sisters husband chose to have it played at her funeral. And yes he was a crappy husband and she died young in a car accident."
Sounds like art imitating life, no?
"He's an amazing songwriter..."
"Jason Isbell has so many it's honestly hard to choose one. Speed Trap Town, Decoration Day, Cover Me Up. He's an amazing songwriter."
I don't know him–it's time to look him up and see how I feel.
"I can already feel tears..."
"One More Light by Linkin Park. I can already feel tears coming to my eyes just by typing this."
Chester Bennington's death was such a shock.
His music lives on.
"My brothers passed away..."
"Simple Man - Lynyrd Skynyrd."
"My brothers passed away in a car accident shortly after coming home from Afghanistan. Reminds me of them every time I hear it."
Sorry for your loss.
Hopefully hearing the song brings you peace.
Hearing a beautiful song can be an immensely moving experience.
And hearing a sad song can, for many people, help them cope with the pain of heartbreak better than they would have otherwise.
Have some suggestions of your own? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!
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Unfortunately, a friendship could really end at any point in life.
Friends grow apart, but also, sometimes, it's just necessary to say goodbye to your relationship with a friend.
Maybe they aren't the right type of friend for you anymore, or maybe something has happened in their lives to make them self-destructive and toxic.
The reasons are many, and they are all sad.
Redditor monarchmondays asked:
"People who have unfriended their childhood friend/best friend, what happened?"
Here were some of those answers.
Bad Looking Out
"I was more-so the one who was unfriended. Was going to be the best man in his wedding. Saw his fiance out with another dude. Like on this dude."
"Told him, he told me I was wrong, Yada Yada. Things got heated. I told him I couldn't be his best man. Some years down the road, he caught her cheating."
"Called me up, asked if I wanted to grab a beer. I went. He apologized. I accepted, but we're still not friends."-TheMotorcycleMan
Friends Don't Control Friends
"He was a pathological liar, manipulative and told all of my most trusted secrets to everyone because he wanted to feel powerful and like he controlled me."
"Haven't spoken a word in 5 years and I have never looked back."-TheDandy9
Sometimes Life Is The Only Thing In The Way
"As soon as I left my hometown and my best friend growing up stayed, we both changed in opposite directions. He assimilated to the local lifestyle, quickly became friends with people he never got along with in school."
"I left, made new friends, found new things I liked. He started a family, I started a career."
"The final straw though was he RSVP'd to our wedding and then just didn't show. No text, no call, no anything. I think he was pissed that I didn't make him my best man after I was his best man, even though it was exactly because he wasn't reliable and made everything about himself that I couldn't do it."
"He caused sh*t at other people's weddings and I just didn't want to deal with what I knew would be inevitable. It did highlight though that growing up I was his best friend as a matter of convenience where I genuinely liked hanging out with him."-porscheblack
It's never fun or happy to lose a friend, but sometimes it's necessary for your healing process.
We've Reached The Point Of No Return
"I haven't unfriended her YET but I'm basically at the point where I'm sick of her drama, pettiness and 'main character syndrome.'"
"Anything that doesn't go her way is taken personally and if you disagree with her (or even have a preference that differs from hers) she will berate you into submission and 'agreement.'"
"And heaven forbid you have a life that doesn't consider her wants and desires. We're both 30, almost 31. I'm too old for that sh*t."-Deezus1229
When The Punches Come, I Go
"I met my ex-best mate in school, he had a little narcissistic personality, but I understood that and ignored his faults."
"In late Teens, we started drinking and partying as most do; this is when it became apparent that he had alcohol problems, forever being violent looking for fights, killing my good vibes, and getting me pulled into unwanted situations where I saved him or stopped him from beating on someone for no good reason."
"Throughout our life, he never attempted to fight me. He remained a pretty good friend to me until our first trip overseas to Asia; during our trip, he tried to coward punch me in the back of the head because I asked him to put out his cigarette that he had just lit."
"I asked him because we were seated in a restaurant surrounded by families, for some reason that angered him, I got up to leave and luckily heard him coming and avoided his punch, but he then tried to attack me further, which ended with us both on the ground and me on top of him while he shouted and went crazy."
"Eventually, police arrived and pointed a gun at both of us; luckily, they didn't shoot. Having foreign police aiming at me because my friend wouldn't calm down was one of the most scary moments in my life and that's saying something because I don't come from a easy upbringing."
"He was drunk, of course, and claims he doesn't remember, but there's no excuse to try and coward punch anyone, especially your best mate."
"I packed my bags that night and left our joint holiday plans in the dirt, traveling solo and having a blast. When I got back from my trip, I quit drinking myself and have remained sober for the last five years."
"Throughout that five years, I've had brief encounters with him, but our friendship was never the same. Unfortunately, my old friend never changed as he aged; he eventually went to jail."
"I work in hospitals and have seen him show up to the emergency triage, bashed with broken bones, and just a few months ago, he randomly knocked at my door where my wife answered, he was covered in blood."
"My wife went and woke me up; he had a stab wound and refused to go to the hospital; I drove him home and haven't seen or spoken to him since.. His brother updated me and said he was fine, whatever that means."-King-Callous
When He's A Predator
"I, a 5th grader at the time, knew this chick who was in the 7th grade dating a junior in hs. The dude thought she was 16 because she was lying about her age."
"They had been f**king and sexting and all that jazz...he didn't know she was a minor. I went and told him, and they broke up, and he was pissed... yada, yada yada..."
"They became friends again after a few years. When I was in the 8th grade, she called just so he could flirt with me 🤮. I was 13 then, and he was probably around 20. I blocked her real quick."-Cancerous0713
The End Of An Era
"Inseparable all through jr and HS. We graduated in 85 so no social media but I still feel ghosted. He stopped returning my calls, I always had to initiate and when we did get together he wasn't that interested."
"I gave it a few tries but I got the message and just stopped contacting him and he never reach out to me after that. I never new why and it took almost 10 years for me to get over it and stop thinking about it every day."
"I kind of wish he would have just told me he doesn't like me anymore. I have a current best friend I met in college and we've been friends for 30+ years so it's all good."-DreamArcher
There is never a right time to say goodbye to someone you once considered a trusted friend.
"My best friends young son was killed in a four wheeler accident. I was the first responding paramedic. I had to take him from my friends arms to work on him. Knowing he was dead the all along."
"We flex the child on Lifeflight then I drove my best friend and his wife to the hospital. I knew all along he was dead but they didn't. It wasn't his fault or mine that he died in any way but I could never look my best friend in the eye again."
"All I could see was his pain. So we drifted apart. I finally got to tell him and his wife before my friend died with heart trouble."-hotandhornyinbama
Secret Mental Health Leeches
"She started being nasty to my husband when we got engaged. It was so gross. She was snarky and rude to him every time he spoke and made him feel unwelcome in our own home."
"I kind of fell out of friend love with her after watching her behave like that. My mom thinks it was jealousy or something, idk. My husband is the most fun and caring person I've ever known, I expected her to be happy for me."
"In retrospect, I realized there were a lot of other red flag issues I had been ignorant of. It's been 3 years now and I am so much mentally healthier without the drama she was churning up."-ThunderHeavyRains
When Mom Damaged Her
"Had a friend I met pre-kindergarten but had a falling out in middle school. Families knew each other and we were like sisters. But sadly, her mom was a true definition of a Tiger mom. Her mom always pushed my friend to be in all of these extracurricular activities, music lessons, tutoring, etc. Her mom was always dissatisfied; nothing was good enough."
"She wasn't the most nurturing parent. But my parents were the opposite. Especially my mom, she just wanted me to be a good person and do my best. But naturally I was a very good student."
"So my friend's mom would always compare my friend to me saying I was better than her because I was naturally gifted and didn't NEED all of that help. My friend began to resent me."
"Throughout puberty, she would call me a slut because I was physically developing, tried to imply I was ugly just to see my reaction, threatened to punch me, things I understood where they were coming from but did not think were justified as I had not done anything directly to her."
"Final straw was when she posted on Facebook that she thought I was ugly so I just cut her off completely. I pitied her for her family life but her bitterness toward me was wrong. Because through my eyes, she was my best friend and all she wanted to do was hurt me. Don't regret cutting it off"-dookieconductor
The sad truth is that people are not always meant to be close, and that some people are too mentally unhealthy to have any kind of closeness in their lives.
Until they grow up, there is not much we can do but sadly step aside and take care of ourselves.
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Certain personalities show up at almost every party like clockwork.
There's always that person who get's too drunk, someone awkwardly standing in the corner nursing a drink, the person who's not having a good time no matter what and the person babysitting the crowd they came with.
When there's alcohol—or any other substances—and the pressure of a social situation, all sorts of quirks will come out. We wanted to know what people thought their country would act like if they were a person attending a party.
Redditor amotyvukufyd asked:
"All the countries of the world are at a party. What is your country doing?"
Here are some of the best and most hilarious answers.
The United Kingdom is just leaving.
"Not before slapping the knees and saying 'right.'"
"Northern Ireland looks nervously at her sister before putting her sunglasses on and following."
"As an American from the Midwest, we do a 'welp' knee slap. Then sit/stand for another 25 minutes before leaving."
"Then talk in the porch. Then talk in the doorway. Then talk in the driveway. Then talk out the car window."
"'Yuh, I guess.'"
"'See you around, I suppose.'"
"'Yuh you bet.'"
"Buzz of the window rolling up."
Argentina is in the backyard.
"Argentina is either playing football in the backyard with Brazil or aggressively telling whoever's at the grill how to cook a steak."
"Don't forget, they're also drinking fernet and coke, or even cheap wine and juice, out of a cut off bottle even though there were enough glasses for everyone."
"While listening to El Potro Rodrigo."
"For sure we're arguing with Texans over asado."
"Texas would also totally be there despite not being a country itself."
"Texas showing up to a party where only entire nations are invited is such a Texas thing to do."
Greece is making questionable choices.
"I'm Greek so I guess a lot of sex, wine and questionable financial decisions that will ruin us the morning after."
"At least you have your club of friends who will drive you home when you pass out. My country, Argentina, will spend the night borrowing money. When they finally kick him out, he'll have to walk home, broke and alone. And it will start to rain."
Poland fighting with Russia, Belarus, and Ukraine.
"Poland. In the corner with Russia, Belarus and Ukraine, drinking vodka and fighting each other. Poland fighting Belarus and Ukraine fighting Russia."
"With some EU guys walking by with fancy drinks, dropping some concerns."
"And then Russia says 'Oh, you want some too?' And the EU guys turn and walk away."
"Then hours later writes a strongly worded comment to Russia's Facebook page. After spending 8 hours arguing over the exact wording."
Germany brings the beer.
"I'm German and I'd say Germany would complain about the taste of the beer."
"Germany should be bringing the beer. Please don't leave it to America who will bring some watery Coors Light!"
"Wouldn't they discuss politics too?"
"We so would! I was thinking about what we would do what wasn't absolutely cliché (like bringing the beer). I feel we would not only discuss politics but also rant about it. And other stuff. I feel ranting is really something we like to do. But also Germany would be drinking way too much and be completely fine the next morning..."
India is awkwardly dancing.
"India/that uncle dancing inappropriately in the middle of the dance floor."
"Not gonna lie, they got da best moves though."
"I was gonna say India would be that aunty gossiping about and judging others' outfits/looks, but this one is better."
The USA is just destroying things for fun.
"USA. Chugging beers and trying to smash a foldable table by jumping on it."
"I think the US would be like a really obnoxious frat dude that's also kinda fun. Like waaaay over the top bragging... but also did bring the weed. Then word gets around that he has a gun on him and it makes everyone uncomfortable, but he says it's just cause Russia and China are packing too."
"I figure we'd also be the one who obnoxiously insists on 'defending' every girl in the party- whether the girl wants it or not. Lots of 'do you wanna go?' energy, then trying to clean up any mess we make but just doing the absolute worst job of it while staying way, waaay too long after the party is over."
"We'd also get mad at China for stealing our famous brownie recipe even though we asked them to make it for us."
We aren't sure we want to be invited to that party.
Sounds like there's gonna be a lot of drama.
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Irrespective of men's sexual identity or preference, there are men who hate sports, and there are men who love musical theater. Do participating in either activity make men straight or gay?
"Straight men of Reddit, what is the strangest thing you have been told not to do because 'that's gay?'"
The following behavior just screams, "gay," fellas. Watch out.
"Sing a Lily Allen song during karaoke."
"Advice I received in high school from other students:" "Don't cross your legs with one knee over the other. Put one ankle over the other knee." "When carrying books, palm them and carry them at your side. Don't rest one edge of the books near your waist." "Never button the top button of your shirt."
Look, But Don't Look
"This one time, at summer camp, this guy who'd just been swimming in the lake told me you could tell how cold the water was by how hard his nipples were. 'But don't stare too long,' he said, 'because that's gay.'"
"You were the one who told me to look in the first place!"
Sandwich For Sissies
"When I was a kid, my dad called me a sissy because I cut a sandwich diagonally."
"I played the clarinet. I got called Faginet a lot."
"But that's one women do," one might argue.
"Changing my daughter's diaper. Mentioned it in the office one day. Called gay."
A Lighter Shade
"Buying a white IPhone."
"Added my husband (then boyfriend) to my phone plan. Went to the store on my own to upgrade both our phones. We both just wanted the next gen Samsung. It was only available in purplish-pink in store."
"I shrugged and said it didn't matter, he's putting a case on it anyways. Guys working at the store kept trying to talk me out of it, actively pushing me to go to another store, making them lose commission, just so my partner wouldn't have a feminine phone. He used his pink phone for 3 years."
"I've been criticized for knowing how to sew and cook. Those are essential life skills!"
"My father was a Marine drill instructor in the 50's. Guess who did all the sewing in my house growing up?"
"Yeah, no one dared to call him gay for it."
Here are examples of guidelines for being a manly man, according to manly men.
"Not a straight man but... back in my bartending days I asked a man if he wanted to see a dessert menu. He said 'if I wanted dessert I'd order wings like a real man.'"
"Weird flex but okay."
When I'm In The Mood, I Masticate
"When I'm feeling extra manly, I just take a bite out of a cow and then chew on some raw wheat."
"Like a man."
No Appointments Necessary For Straight Men
"I left a pick-up basketball game because I had an appointment to get a haircut. Evidently, the only straight way to get a haircut is as a walk in."
Abiding By The Law Is So Gay
"Using turn signals. And not as some sort of euphemism, but literally using them while driving to turn or change lanes."
In grade school, some fellow classmates asked me to check for gum on my shoe because they saw me step in some.
When I lifted my leg to take a gander, the boys were howling hysterically as if my actions confirmed something.
Well, it sure did. Apparently, if I l looked at the bottom of my shoe from in front of me, I was "normal," but since I bent my leg back and looked at the bottom of my shoe from behind, that made me "so gay."
Although, I didn't come out 'til years later, maybe those goons were onto something. Thanks for the heads up, guys.
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