'Save That For After Class!' Students Share The Best Burns They Ever Heard From A Teacher.


Just because your science teacher has a BS doesn't mean she's gonna take any of yours.


This piece is based on a Quora Question and an AskReddit thread. Links on the last page.

1/18. Student: "Can we postpone the math test? Its my birthday."

Teacher: "Unlike your birth, the math test was planned ahead of time."


2/18. This guy in middle school wrote a paper about Mars for science class. The teacher called him up to her desk, and asked him if the report was his own work. He said it was. So she asked him to read it to the class.

It turns out this 'paper' was actually a single cut-and-paste internet article on the history of the Mars candy company, makers of Mars Bars, M&Ms, etc. Hed copied and pasted into a Word document and failed to read even the first sentence.

-Marc Whitaker

3/18. "[Student's name], you're my second favorite student of all time. Everyone else is tied for first."


4/18. I remember myself getting roasted by my math teacher.

Basically, one day in class, I make a basic error in my calculation. I laugh out loud and go up to my teacher.

Me: "Mr (confidential name)! Look at this stupid mistake!"

Him: (Looks up at me) "Im looking at one right now!"

I fell to the floor and curled up in a ball. Great teacher, but just ruthless.

-William Owen

5/18. It was biology class.

Our teacher, Ms. Y, was giving us a lecture about the digestive system. She always ended her lectures with a Q&A session. Now, there was this one guy in class who never paid attention and always asked really bizarre, thoughtless questions.

He raised his hand.

"What is your question?" Ms. Y asked.

"You mentioned something how our waste comes out of our butts because it is at the end of our digestive system. So, is it possible for crap to come out of our mouths if it isn't fully digested?" (continued...)

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He acted so smug and proud of his question, like he had asked something truly groundbreaking.

Deadpan as can be, Ms. Y said: "I think your question proves that crap does come out of your mouth."

The class lost it, and that kid thought twice before asking questions that make absolutely no sense.

-Tan Hao Jian

6/18. One of my high school teachers annihilated this one student who constantly skipped class.

Teacher: Where's Justin?

Student: I can call him if you want.

Teacher: Do it.

Calls Justin, puts him on speaker.

Teacher: Hey, Justin where are you when you should be in my class?

Justin: (you can tell he's a little freaked out) Uhhh... McDonalds?

Teacher: Pick up an application.



7/18. Some of the boys in my 8th grade Latin class were particularly rambunctious.

At one point, the teacher was going into a little bit of history, talking about... I don't exactly remember. Senators in ancient Rome, say. Maybe he was describing their daily lives: they did this, they did that, etc.

One kid, looking to stir trouble as usual, asked: "Did they... hehehehehe.... did they masturbate?"

The teacher replied without missing a beat: "Some of them did... did you think you invented it?"

Shut the kid down.

-Charles Slade

8/18. In my high school English class, we had to submit some creative writing. A couple of days later, the teacher asks one particular student to read out a poem he had written.

It was a pretty good poem, we were all impressed with his efforts. The teacher congratulated him on his poem and his recital. We could all see him looking very pleased with himself; swelling with pride and an expectation of an 'A' grade.

Then, with a sly smile, the teacher asked him if he would mind reading another poem. (continued...)

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He gave him a book of poetry and asked him to read the poem from such-and-such a page.

The boy was loving all this attention and proudly, and perhaps a bit arrogantly, flipped to the requested page and started reading out the requested poem....which was the exact same poem he had submitted as his own.

The loud proud voice got him halfway through the first line before realisation sunk in and started faltering. He started on the second line then stopped, staring meekly and red-faced at the teacher. The teacher just stared back for several seconds before saying one word very quietly: 'Continue'.

With each line the student became more red-faced, his voice more faltering and hesitant. At the end of the poem the teacher took the book off him and told him he could return to his seat. He did so very meekly.

The teacher didn't say anything more about this. He didn't need to. We all got the message loud and clear.

-Simon Moore

9/18. This was about 2006. Student: "The song American idiot was written about you." Teacher: "The song Boulevard of Broken Dreams was written about your future."


10/18. I was the one who did the roasting. First off, we would begin each class with a quiz, which I would generally hand out as soon as everyone was seated.

On this day, one of my students (one of my best/ brightest, and smartest mouthed) was on his phone after the quiz had been handed out.

Me: "Put your phone away. You have your quiz."

Student: "But my mom is texting me."

Me: "So? She's texting me too, you dont see me replying while the quiz is going on."

-Zachary Clifford

11/18. Student: "Can I go to the bathroom?" Teacher: "I don't know, can you?" Student: "Well you could always help me out." Teacher: "This isn't a science class, I don't have any tweezers. "

To the burn ward with you!


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12/18. You know that one kid that doesnt give a damn about his education? I have one in my class right now and his name is Andrew. Now, I go to an all boys Jesuit school, so since there are no girls around we act like complete idiots.

When this happened, we had an essay due for history class the next day. So Andrew decided to provoke the teacher by asking for an extension. Of course he didn't word it that clearly. This is the conversation that they had in the middle of class:

Teacher: "Remember guys the essay on the Mongols is due tomorrow so get on it."

Andrew: "What if I have a hot date?"

Teacher Write the paper with your other hand."

I SWEAR TO GOD THE ENTIRE CLASS LOST ITS MIND. No one would expect a teacher at a Jesuit school to make a masturbation joke in class.

So while the entire class was rioting Andrews face was beet red. It took the entire period to calm down. People were yelling and screaming like maniacs.

"Andrew you just got owned!"

"Snap, you got Roasted!"

"Someone contact a burn ward!"

"[Teacher] you are savage!"

The outburst was so loud the class next door came over to figure out what was going on. Andrew has never talked back to any teacher ever since.

-James MacKinnon

13/18. I had a friend in HS who wore khaki pants and a collared shirt to school pretty much every day.

One day he was leaning over some kid's desk helping him with something, with his butt sticking way out. He was just tempting someone to run over and smack it.

Another friend of mine, James, does just that. He runs over and lands a perfect, incredibly loud slap square on the butt-heeks, causing him to bolt up immediately.

Unfortunately for James, he hadn't slapped my friend, but the teacher. (continued...)

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Turns out the teacher also wore khakis and collared shirts to school every day.

Everyone goes silent, and the teacher turns around, bright red, but with a big smile on his face and says, "James! Save that for after class!"

Everyone bursts out laughing and the kid, of course, never lived it down.


14/18. We recently got smartboards at my school - meaning the board is a screen that the teacher can control.

So this guy who is most famous for constantly slacking off and cutting corners had to give a presentation on WWII. He used a much more extensive vocabulary during this presentation than everyone knew he had.

The teacher got suspicious and googled some phrases out of his presentation, while the screen was projected on the board behind my classmate, who didnt notice a thing.

He found the entire presentation my classmate was giving, word for word, as the first result on google. For the remainder of his presentation, my classmate wondered why everyone was laughing at him, while the text to his presentation was projected right on the screen behind him.

-Robin Mulder

15/18. In an English class, senior year, there was a student who was very bright and creative, but who could also be a bit goofy and irresponsible.

He was supposed to present a written report about something we read. He wasn't prepared and fumbled through his backpack for a long time, holding up the class and delaying his report while he searched for it. As he fumbled, he muttered, "I knoooow I can fiiiiiind it. Pleeeeeease be patient

The teacher said loudly, in an annoyed tone, "And I'm sure you're still going to be saying that on your wedding night."

-Athena Ponce

16/18. This high school substitute teacher was a cool 20-something year old guy. He was giving a lecture on math when his voice cracks. For a few seconds no one notices it, then some kid imitates the squeak and gets a couple giggles. Big mistake. (continued...)

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The teacher turned around and said: "Listen kid, the reason my voice is cracking is cause I've been talking all day. The reason your voice cracked is cause your balls never dropped."

Entire class lost it.


17/18. My high school math teacher had three adopted children. He was also the economics teacher (bad move, but oh well) and one day he was talking about loan repayment, etc.

He used the example of the loans that he'd gotten to pay the adoption costs for his kids, and quoted some ridiculously high number.

I am also adopted, and the number he gave was way higher than what my parents told me it costed to adopt my brother and me.

I raised my hand and said this, and he goes, "Well, yeah you were probably on sale."

I laughed so hard I cried. He must have thought I was offended, because he felt really bad about it and apologized later (he was actually crying when he apologized), but I told him it was probably the funniest thing anyone had ever said about me being adopted.


18/18. I got burnt by a teacher so hard.

I was 15, and we were having an assembly. This sort-of-cute teacher was talking about relationships and how we werent allowed to bring non-student partners onto campus, and how "good times can be had off site." Me, being a smart ass, piped up in front of ~200 peers:

Me *slathered with innuendo*: What sort of good times miss?

Her *deadpan, staring me straight in the eyes*: The type youll never have."

Needless to say, 200 teenagers all lost their minds laughing.

-Jamie Strauss



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