Eating alone has its pros and cons, but meals after a sad event are a struggle to get through, like when all your friends bail on your birthday dinner at the last minute. Or when you can't afford milk for cereal. Or eating your deceased spouse's leftovers.
Devastatedboy asked Reddit: What's the most depressing meal you've eaten?
Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.
Seems negligent, but okay.
Our parents would get so caught up in work sometimes that they wouldn't buy groceries for an inordinately long time, leaving us to forage for whatever scraps were in the kitchen. The worst it ever got was when we could find nothing to eat except a couple bags of bread in the freezer that only had a couple of endpieces left that were badly freezer burned and a block of cheddar that was so old it was dark orange and cracking. We used it to make the most disgusting cheese sandwiches we ever ate in our lives though.
Wow, hard same. Parents both worked doubles for awhile, and my great-aunt would drop off weird industrial sized food items from her church pantry for us. Three gallons of cottage cheese and 5lbs of black olives? Figure something out, kid.
When you realize that you may have an issue.
Pieces of an earlier meal that I carefully pulled back out of the trash.
I was struggling with an eating disorder, and threw away most of my meal thinking that it being in the trash would turn me away from it. I was strong enough to stay away for an hour or two, then decided I didn't give a F-- that it had been in the trash can. (It was my own, the one under my desk, so mostly just paper anyway.) I don't know if I've ever felt so low and disgusting in my life, knowing that it was my own fault and I was a spoiled bitch who chose to live like this.
Similar story here. My lowest point was standing in front of my parents' fridge, feeling hungry and light-headed, but being unable to eat any of the (completely normal) foods.
I know I might do the trashcan thing too, so when I throw any food away, I always crush it and mix it with trash.
Not so lucky.
Lucky Charms with water, because we didnt have milk, I didn't realize that it was depressing at the time but now that I'm older its sad af.
Just told my dad about this post and he said he also did this once as a kid, looks as if it's being passed down the family tree.
When I was fourteen, I poured myself a bowl of cocoa pebbles, realized were out of milk, and just filled the bowl with whipped cream instead.
Disgusting? Yes.
Delicious? Yes.
Sad Thai.
At a local Thai place me and my then girlfriend would always go, the owner always greeted us and was super friendly. Anyway after we broke up I went in as I fancied a green curry. He asked where she was and I explained. He looked sad and and said "oh..." I sat and had my green curry by myself. It felt sad, I just get take out from them now.
Maybe I'd be a terrible business owner, but I'd have given you that one on the house.
This is a lot.
I once had Thanksgiving dinner alone at a truck stop Denny's in Great Falls, Montana.
Great falls, Montana
You win.
Hey, f*ck you. I like it here.
Really? Why?
... I'm from Lethbridge I suppose it's not all that much better. We're relatively close to Glacier and Waterton though that has to count for something.
Because it has the right amount of nothing, I can walk in a bar and they know my name and drink, great fishing all year round, 15 minute drive gets you out to unruined nature. People aren't up their own butt, friendliest weird town I've ever lived in... I can make a modest wage and live like a millionaire compared to those making the same in any large city.
Came over from Belfast, Northern Ireland, I have been in busy, and I have been in nothing... I like the nothing.
Good for you. I grew up out in Montana/Dakotas and have lived in NYC for the past 19 years. I'm definitely retiring in Montana or Vermont someday. I miss the quiet sometimes.
Well, at least you were fed.
My grandmother died and we were over at her house cleaning stuff out, and mom put me in charge of cleaning out the refrigerator.
My grandmother was always someone who hated to waste things. To such an extent that if she opened a can of soda but didn't finish it, she'd put the open can back in the fridge and finish it later, even though it would be flat by that point.
So as I'm cleaning out the refrigerator, I'm crying and taking bites of all the cold leftover food in there. I was thinking that at least some of her food isn't going to waste, and thinking how sad it is that we'll never have one of her home-cooked meals again.
I gather it's a generation thing. Anyone who grew up during the early 20th century has "don't waste food" tattooed on the inside of their skull with a picture of a ration-card next to it.
My grandma is much the same.
My grandpa is the same, despite being halfway across the world. Grew up under japanese occupation in Singapore and would not let the tiniest scrap of meat on a fish's head go into the trash.
Mickey Dees, always there when you need it.
Mom ended up in the hospital just in time for my sisters b-day.
All my sister wanted to do was go see mom and see if she was okay. I said I would take her as I wanted to see mom myself.
Dad ended up screaming that we didn't have the gas to drive to the hospital she was at and that we could do something "Later."
I got pissed, raided my dads coin jar on his bureau, hauled my sister into the car, put $5 into the gas tank, and drove through McDonalds where my sister and I had a hamburger, shared a small fry and a drink and ate in relative silence.
THAT was a depressing meal.
What happened after that, if you don't mind me asking? And is your mom okay?
She's ok. Dad was upset with me for a bit.
Rest is history almost.
Depressing.
A leftover casserole my 2nd wife had made. I ate it when I came home from her funeral.
I have christmas dinner leftovers in my freezer that my mom made. Not sure if I'm going to eat them...but I also don't know if I'll ever be able to recreate her cooking.
Look at it this way, she made it for you. Would she want you to eat it or toss it? You could look at it as a way of honoring her memory.
Exactly, it's either going to be eaten and enjoyed or it's going to linger in the bottom of the freezer almost totally forgotten about for god knows how long, then chucked in the bin like any other piece of rubbish because you either really need the freezer space, the freezer died or you're moving house.
You may as well put it to good use and appreciate the effort and care that went into making it, rather than that person having spent some of their very last days making a weird frozen food shrine to themselves.
Times is tough and we're tired. And yes, I have.
You ever have sleep for dinner?
I have. The worst feeling is waking up not knowing what you're going to eat that day because you have nothing.
Are you doing better now?
Oh yes. Thankfully. Everything got better once I was able to leave home and support myself. Shitty family even took my hard earned money and used it to buy cigarettes instead of food
If you're going through a similar situation just know you'll be okay. It might not be tomorrow, it might hurt and be very hard for a little longer, but you will be fine and not hungry someday. I wish I could hug you and make everything okay.
When your friends had one job, and failed.
I invited some friends to a sushi restaurant for my birthday. I arrived a little early and sat down at the table for 6 I'd reserved, then one by one the texts came in canceling, and not a single person showed up. Even worse, the waitress noticed it was my birthday when she took my ID, so I knew the waitstaff could tell what was going on and felt sorry for me.
To everyone asking, yes, of course I just ditched all those friends and made a completely new set of friends in my mid 20s. And then everyone in the restaurant stood up and clapped. Those friends' names? Albert Einstein, all of them. Either that, or I learned a valuable lesson that if your birthday falls on a weekday and you're an adult, just celebrate it on the nearest weekend instead of asking people to schlep all the way downtown on a Wednesday and being shocked when they bail.
This sh*t right here is why I try and never cancel, even if I legit have a cold or something or I realize I can't stay the whole time.
You never know, you could be the one friend who came through for someone.
I wish I could go back in time and show up to eat all your sushi, friend.
Could be worse...
Some random snacks from 7-11, eaten for Christmas dinner with my father after my mother kicked him out. My father is a piece of sh*t, but I felt like it was still my job to try to hold the family together (and I was kind of afraid that he was planning to kill himself).
This was very close to a situation I was in 5 years ago except I didn't answer my dads calls. He must of thought we all didn't love him or wanna see him anymore cause he did it. It will always eat me up of how different it could have been if I answered and went to see him.
CAAAAAARBS.
Bread sandwich.
Buy a bag of potatoes with that bread. boiler the potato, mash it, fry, stick inbetween bread. nom nom nom.
And there are people who think carbs are the enemy...
No. Never again.
I once microwaved undercooked noodles with leftover meatballs and poured a bunch of ranch on it because it was the closest thing I could find to a pasta sauce. It 'twas a dark time in history.
How'd it taste?
Like sadness with ranch.
Welcome to Sadness Ranch, the home of the failed rodeo clown.
I've had to eat peanuts for dinner.
When I was scraping by living paycheck to paycheck and I had an unexpected car repair that took away all my spending money, I went to the grocery store and bought a few packages of ramen, a bag of rice and a 12-pack of eggs for like $4-$5 in change and can returns that I scrapped together. Ate a ramen/rice/egg bowl for breakfast and dinner for two weeks.
I'm there right now. In college, switched my major late, ended up going a 5th year so financial aid isn't paying the same. I fry my rice with eggs in the morning and just dump sriracha on it. For dinner I eat ramen with more eggs, or if I'm able to afford chicken breast I eat that.
Went from a bodybuilder to hardly being able to keep muscle o due to lack of calories and protein.
Dark.
Food pulled from dumpsters. The expired food still sealed was ok. Half eaten burgers from McDs? Not so much.
During a short time, my family was homeless (my mother took us in the middle of the night to some distant city via bus). My siblings and I would pretty much hang out at this McDonald's up the road from the shelter we lived in. We would watch people eat and take what was left over, digging through the trash cans when employees were too busy.
My little sister still had the habit after we moved back in with my dad. She would randomly appear with a McDonald's cup or half a burger before we even ordered. I tend to leave my cups on the top of the trash cans when I leave any fast food place, and I'm always looking to see if someone needs something. If someone had paid us more than a moment of attention they would have realized we needed far more help than we were receiving.
"If someone had paid us more than a moment of attention they would have realized we needed far more help than we were receiving"
right in the feels
Winner.
When I was in college I was a typical broke teenager and I relied on Subway a lot, mainly for their daily deals which was usually a 6 inch and chips/drink for $4 or something cheap like that. This was also back when they had the rewards points card, so the more purchases you made the more points you got.
Anyway I had enough points on my card for a free foot long and decided to save that until I was really pressed for food.
Most of the time I would get the daily deal and split it over lunch and dinner. Besides that I would have top ramen and whatever soup was on sale.
So anyway, I had a pretty light week of work and my only food for the week had been 2 packets of top ramen and an orange so I was STARVING and I decided to cash in those points for the foot long.
In my mind, I could split it into 4 or 5 meals which would last me another week until I got paid.
Then I got home and started eating while watching tv and before I knew it half the sandwhich was gone and I was eating the 2nd half. In my mind I told myself I needed to save my food since it was all I had but my bodily instincts kept pushing me to eat.
It was a delicious sandwich but those last few bites I had, I did it with tears in my eyes because I knew I wouldn't be eating for a few days.
So yea, sobbing while eating a meatball sub from Subway
EDIT: This was over 10 years ago, I was fresh out of highschool, my first time on my own with no real concept of money or cooking for myself aside from hamburger helper/Rice-a-roni/boxed mac-n-cheese (if you can call those cooking). I did not eat only Subway but as I said it consisted of most of my diet since I could spend $4 and get 2 meals out of it. In my mind it was better than ramen because I could get veggies and meats. I am a lot better off now in terms of making money stretch and using it in the proper ways. I am also very familiar with cooking cheap meals. TLDR: I was young and dumb.
It's a teacher's job to leave a lasting impression and set a good example for their students.
With this in mind, particularly in this age of viral videos and social media, teachers have to be very careful of what they say during class hours.
Even so, there are very few teachers who haven't said something they've regretted when teaching a class.
Sometimes to control unruly students, other times when they've simply had enough.
Then too, sometimes teachers leave their students baffled and perplexed by what they say in their classroom, well aware of what they were saying.
Always making for a memorable story.
"What’s the wildest thing you’ve ever heard teacher say in class?"
And Anyone With Such Closed Minded Views Shouldn't Be Teaching...
"Had the Head of the Department in college claim in class that anyone who actually needs accommodations for mental health issues should not be in college to begin with."
"This was while we were discussing 'Death of a Salesman' and the discussion had veered over to unhealthy pressure and social standards for success."- RavensQueen502
Wait what?!
"My very well-respected Biology teacher in college spent almost an entire lecture telling us that Jamie Lee Curtis was a hermaphrodite."
"It seemed oddly personal to him."- Urbane_Cowboy
Sad On So Many Levels
"Not heard but my freshmen year high school teacher once pulled a bottle of Jack out of his desk and took a shot during class."
"He was dying so towards the end I think he just stopped caring."- Mangothefello
Can't Take The Heat, Then Stay Out Of The Classroom...
"High school science teacher told my class that a kilometre was longer than a mile."
"Refused to budge when refuted and kicked out several students for doing so."- SupersonicDebris13
"5th grade teacher: 'Mount Whitney in California is the tallest mountain in the world'."
"5th grade me blurts out: 'No it isn't, Mount Everest is."
"Whitney is not even the tallest mountain in the USA, which is Mount McKinley in Alaska'."
"I got in trouble for 'contradicting the teacher'."- gtmattz
get out GIFGiphyIt's Not Just Students Who Are Bullies...
"I had a teacher ridicule a fat kid about his lunch choices in front of the whole class."
"He ran out crying as she was making fat guy blimp gestures and telling him he was going to be huge as an adult."- SnooOwls5859
Some Dramatic License It Seems...
"I had a literature teacher who told the class that he didn't believe in dinosaurs, because the universe is only a couple thousand years old."
"The bones were put there by Satan."
"Thank f*ck he wasn't a science or history teacher."- AllBadAnswers
of montreal dancing GIF by Polyvinyl RecordsGiphyEveryone Deserves Nice Acomodations...
"My English teacher told us that he genuinely believes that the Rothchilds own a hotel for aliens in the Bermuda triangle."- TroyLear77
Well, Then...
"We had this kid in our 6th-grade class."
"Very dark skinned kid from Africa."
"His name was Tajak."
"Every now and then when we'd line up to go to another class or lunch and the lights would go out some of his friends would go 'where Tajak at?'"
"Anyway one day we had a sub and we we're lining up for lunch, the lights went out and there went the 'where Tajak at?' and the SUBSTITUTE TEACHER who was also black went 'Boy you darker than night'."
"6th grade was f*cking wild."- 11221mikew
Sad Premonitions
"Psych teacher in high school told us that 1 in 10 of the people were friends with in high school would be dead within 5 years of graduating."
"At the time I thought it was hyperbole, but it turns out he was being conservative."
"3 of the people in my high school friend group were dead by the time I was 22."- Reddit
Do They Really Need A Reason?
"'Now girls, don't you let them boys touch your breasts'."
"'It'll give you cancer'."- jondru
Maybe Should Have Checked With The Geography Teacher?
"A teacher in Elementary school claimed during history class that the Colosseum was in Greece, as an Italian kid I was very confused, this was in Mexico."- Spascucci
So Much For Instilling Hope...
"Didn't hear this personally, but read in a book about a guy who recalled his teacher skipping chapters in a textbook and saying 'You will not need to know this when you are down in the mines'."- futanari_kaisa
The mark of a good teacher is that students will take everything they hear from them with them for the rest of their lives.
Though, the less-than-wonderful teachers may also say things their students will never forget.
People Who've Had A Serious Illness Describe The Exact Moment They Knew Something Was Really Wrong
As a kid, I never raised alarm bells even when I started to feel sick. My mom got stressed easily and was busy taking care of my younger brother, so I never wanted to be a burden by making her take me to the doctor only to find out nothing was wrong.
However, in fifth grade, my ears started to hurt and I knew something was wrong. I told my mom, she took me to the doctor, and I found out I had an ear infection.
Now, an ear infection isn't serious at all, and it was easily treatable. Still, I learned something from that experience: no one knows your body better than you. You know if and when you're sick and how serious it is, even if you don't now exactly what is wrong.
Redditors can corroborate this. Many of them have experienced symptoms that told them they were sick in some way -- usually with a very serious illness -- and are ready to share those experiences.
It all started when Redditor thelearner18 asked:
"People who have had a serious disease (cancer, MS, organ failure, etc) when did you realize something was really wrong?"
A Lesson Learned
"Hust found out i have rectal cancer. 42 yrs old. multiple stools per day, not fully emptying, thin poop. so got a colonoscopy. bam! cancer. starting chemo next week. lesson learned for everyone....if your stools or stool schedule changes, go see a doctor"
– shawngee03
A Lucky Break
"I had been having a lot of pain in my midsection, and all around my torso for several weeks. I went to the doctor and it was dismissed as gynecological cramping (menopausal?). It remained. After several weeks (6-8) I couldn’t take it anymore. I went to emergency in the middle of the night. I got a CT scan that showed a large kidney stone. They also found a mass on my ovary. The kidney stone lead them to finding a rare ovarian cancer. If not for that stone, I wouldn’t have known about the cancer and might not have caught it in time. I have been in remission since September 2021."
– peachsqueeze66
Cause For Concern
"My kid, who was 14 at the time, kept throwing up in the morning and having weird headaches. Her doctor thought it was migraines. She went back a couple of times, but the doctor was not concerned. Then one day she complained of a whooshing noise in her ear. Went to the children’s hospital and found out it was a brain tumor near her cerabellum. She was in ICU for a month, but turned out it was non cancerous and it never grew back. She is doing great now."
– Evilelfqueen
"I heard a whooshing noise in my ear a few years ago I only really heard it at night when it was quiet it would sometimes switch ears now I basically never hear it. I'm pretty sure it was just pulsatile tinnitus but still scary."
– fallen-summer
It Was The Salt
"I have Cystic Fibrosis (terminal lung disease) and it was found out when I didn't sh*t for 3 days after I was born and then my mother gave me a kiss and said I tasted REALLY salty."
"Now I'm on a gene modification drug called Trikafta and this is some serious witch craft a** sh*t because I no longer feel sick to death and I basically feel like a normal person. It's f*cking wild!
"Went from 19% lung function to 87% in 3 months. I no longer cough my a** off or feel like I'm suffocating from mucus. Go science!"
– Sudden_Blueberry_477
A Funky Optic Nerve
"I was diagnosed with MS when I was 22 after having blurred vision in one eye after a ski trip. I went to the optometrist and they said I had a dry eye probably from not wearing goggles while snow boarding. So they gave me steroid drops. After a week it kept getting worse, so I went back and they told me my eye looked much better so they did a field of view test, which showed I couldn’t see anything out of the lower half of one eye. They sent me straight to the emergency room since nothing was wrong physically wrong with my eye. They did some tests and I was diagnosed with MS and ended up going completely blind in one eye. My vision eventually came back and I got on medication within a month so haven’t really had any symptoms or issues since thankfully. I’m only 29 now though."
– johnjohn9312
Caught It In Time
"This isn't me, but this happened to my best friend VERY recently. Like in the last couple of months."
"Was perfectly fine and healthy one day. Then the next he started feeling a little bit of pain in his kidney. He'd had kidney stones before, so he figured it was that again. Then he started peeing blood. He thought it was still part of the kidney stone thing so let it go for a couple days, but he was still peeing blood and the pain was getting worse."
"That's when he decided to go to the doctor. They did an X-ray and found a mass in his kidney and told him that based on where it was located they can't remove the mass, and they can't do a partial kidney removal, and it's about a 90% chance it's cancerous, but they wouldn't be able to do a biopsy without removing the kidney first. They did the whole insurance dance, but it went fast and within two weeks he was in surgery having his kidney removed."
"He's still recovering at home right now, but they got the biopsy results last week. It was indeed cancerous, but they caught it before it spread."
– SweetCosmicPope
Happily Ever After
"I couldn’t walk anymore with my crutch I had been using to get by. Had Been on Percocet for 8 months because of the extreme pain. Nobody was finding answers to my pain but I knew something was wrong, badly. After finally having an ultra sound on my hips at the age of 26 I found out I had to undergo a double hip replacement to walk again due to a serious rare disease. I was stage 4 Avascular Nercrosis. Took a year to recover from both. But Happier ending, I’m doing good now. However it was very very upsetting news to get over a phone call at 26."
– heartpathetic
It Really Sneaks Around
"My wife started getting numbness in her right arm. The breast cancer had spread to her right shoulder and the tumor was crushing the nerves. She has stage four breast cancer in her bones."
– zenos_dog
A Turn For The Worse
"For me, it started May 14, 2014. I went to work and was having a good morning. Then, at about 9:00 in the morning or so, I started to feel some lower abdominal pain. Not to be crude, but it felt like that cramp you get when you really need to go to the bathroom. I did so, but the pain didn't go away. It got worse. I started to feel chills, was sweating, and felt nauseated. My employer has a clinic on site, so I went there. After some poking and prodding, the nurse asked me if I wanted to go home or if I wanted to go to the emergency room. I decided to go home, and if the pain didn't subside, then I'd go to the emergency room. As I was saying that, though, I noticed that my pain had gotten a LOT worse. They always make you rate your pain on a scale of 0 to 10, with 0 being no pain at all and 10 being the worst pain you've ever felt. When I went into the clinic, I was mostly uncomfortable, maybe a high 2 going into a 3. On that very subjective scale, I was now a 6 or a 7."
"I changed my mind and decided to go straight to the nearest emergency room. My boss drove me, and by the time we got there about 15 minutes later, I was now a 10. This was the worst pain I'd ever felt. My previous definition of the worst pain I'd ever felt was when I broke 7 bones in my wrist, it was misdiagnosed as a sprain, and I had to have them rebroken 2 weeks later. The pain in my abdomen was now worse than that. The emergency room admitted me and put me in a wheelchair. They wheeled me to a room, I curled up on the bed they put me in, and passed out."
"At some point, a nurse came in and gave me some morphine. Great stuff. No pain at all anymore. A doctor came in and told me they suspected a kidney stone. He wanted me to get a CT scan to confirm it, and I agreed. An orderly wheeled me off to imaging. I got scanned without contrast and was wheeled back to the room. My wife had arrived while I was getting scanned. Shortly later, the doctor who told me he thought it was a kidney stone came into the room. With another doctor. And two nurses. They all crowd around me with solemn looks on their faces."
"The first doctor told me it was a kidney stone. A 2 to 3 mm kidney stone had been lodged in the ureter of my left kidney. That's the tube that goes from the kidney to the bladder. It passed into my bladder when they gave me the morphine, but they could see evidence of it on the CT scan. Then the other doctor said they were more concerned about the 6 cm mass they found on my right kidney. They had my attention."
"They did another CT scan, with contrast this time, and it was impossible to see anything but a tumor in the pictures they showed me. They made an appointment for me with a urologist for the next day, as well as an appointment in a few days time to get it biopsied. It was an after-hours appointment for the urologist, but he was nice enough to stay late to see me. He looked at the CT Scans and cancelled my appointment to get it biopsied. He said there was nothing else it could be but cancer, and the kidney would have to go."
"Two months later, I had the kidney and the tumor removed laparoscopically. I was incredibly lucky. They caught it in stage 1. The doctor said there were signs it was going to start moving soon. I have no idea how doctors can look at a softball sized lump of cancer and tell anything other than 'gross', but that's why they're the doctors and I'm not."
"My recovery was smooth, and I've been cancer-free for 9 years. I was incredibly blessed. I didn't have to deal with chemo, or radiation. While those can save your life, they are also horrible experiences with nasty side effects. I didn't have to deal with any of them. I was bracing myself to have to. They said it was a possibility. But I didn't. I have every respect for those not as fortunate as me, and wish them all the best in recovery."
– mnementh9999
Reason #5,622 To Start Exercising
"I started jogging again to try and get back into running shape. I kept noticing that just after a mile or so, I'd stop and get REALLY lightheaded. Kept thinking, "oh, I'm really out of shape" and kept going. Went in a few weeks later for my annual physical and doctor said "you ever been told you have a heart murmur?", no. Two months later I spent Christmas of 2017 in the ICU after having a section of my aorta cut out and a new valve put in. Surgeon said it was bad. Said it wouldn't have made it too much longer."
"Edit: for clarification, it was an aortic dissection."
– Itsawlinthereflexes
Slow And Steady
"My dad's friend went on a hike with a doctor who knew him and he was winded not far from the car. The doctor clocked it right away and told him to get his heart checked. He had 98% blockage in his heart arteries."
"He tells my dad so my dad gets the test to see how his arteries are doing and they found a massive aneurism on his aorta. He is getting it removed tomorrow. He had no symptoms but the doctors said if he had overdone it he would be dead before anyone would even know what was going on. Crazy how a random friend's hike may have saved his life."
– Pencilowner
It Takes A Village
"I never did, my teacher and parents did."
"I was seven, usually an active kid and my first grade teacher noticed that rather than running around at recess I sat down and took a nap. It happened a couple more times and after I fell asleep in class (totally out of character), she gave my parents a call, we had been visiting the doc fairly regularly cause I was also complaining of joint pain and frequent ear infections combined with the new symptoms and a new doc at the practice I was finally diagnosed with leukemia."
– greenmachine11235
Thank goodness for that teacher (and of course, the parents)!
When in the beginning stages of dating, it's important to know as much as humanly possible.
The element of surprise is no longer a fun aspect of romance.
Ask the small questions. Ask the hard questions.
Interrogate. Grill. Investigate.
Of course, you should do it with a subtle hand instead of an interrogation lamp.
The truth is all we have.
Ask everything.
Redditor RedditPenguin02 wanted to make a list of the best inquiries to make when starting a relationship, so they asked:
"What is a good question to ask before you start dating someone?"
From what I've learned in my past, always ask... "Are you into Buffy the Vampire Slayer? The TV show."
If it's a no, then it's a dealbreaker.
I Do
Shocked Schitts Creek GIF by CBCGiphy"Are you married?"
wrenchmonkey135
"I would ask that. If they said no, the next question was 'Would your wife agree?'"
"If they laughed, they were telling the truth. If they got indignant and pissed off that I thought they were lying…they were married."
"Worked every time."
Squibit314
We Lived!
"Do you clap when the plane lands?"
dont_u_know
"I swear people used to do this all the time when I was a kid (early 2000’s), and I don’t think I’ve heard anyone do it in 5+ years. I guess 9/11 really made people afraid of flying for about 10 years and then most folks decided they didn’t need to applaud when the plane landed safely?"
jmims98
Family Planning
"Do you want kids in the future? If one person wants kids and the other wants to stay child-free, then they are not compatible. And it is better to try dating someone else."
GoodAlicia
"It confuses me whenever some couples who disagree on this end up in a conundrum because one expected the other to change their mind. This is something I bring up early cause I see no future with someone who wants kids when I do not."
GoodAlicia
"You should always put childfree on your dating profile. It's not a small thing. Either you agree on it or not. If I had to date, I would put childfree on my profile too."
GoodAlicia
Carb it on...
"Do you like bread? That is the extent of my flirting skills."
HumpieDouglas
"Being German, bread is like a frickin' cultural phenomenon here, we have around 300 kinds of bread, there's a bread museum, every time I go on vacation I'm like yeah it's nice here but the bread ain't it yall, never as good as home lol. So yeah, valid question and the only answer to this is an enthusiastic yes."
Nayeliq1
Room Temperature
Frosty The Snowman Winter GIF by filmeditorGiphy"What temperature do you set the thermostat to throughout the year?"
OneFingerIn
"Haha this one always gets me as someone who needs low temps - you can always put on more clothes, I can't peel my skin off to get cooler."
djdante
The thermostat is a dealbreaker for me.
It's gonna be 60. Love it or move on.
Discovery
Blown Away Wow GIF by AminéGiphy"When was the last time you changed your mind about something?
"Opens a window to how they think."
youcantkillanidea
"If that was really early on in the dating I’d think it was a bit of a head-f**k question. I’d probably find that question a red flag, tone dependent, although I agree with the sentiment."
LivestockMarc
Personal Time
"Aside from major differences about finances, kids, politics, or religion, a big one is; What are your hobbies? If they don’t really have any, you may be the next hobby, which isn’t going to work unless you’ve got that kind of time. If the hobbies are time-consuming ones generally done with a SO."
"But you have no interest in them, that could be an issue as well. If only one of you likes camping, wanted to spend vacation lounging instead of exploring, didn’t like sports, etc either that partner is annoyed or the other feels like they don’t get to enjoy what they love."
Githard
Past Issues
"Ask them about their exes. If they think every single one of them is an a**hole... they are likely the real a**hole."
CantTakeMeSeriously
"I have mixed feelings about that - I've been in three previous relationships and all three were emotionally abusive towards me (one wasn't nearly as bad as the other two, though) in various ways. I know this is a common sentiment and it always makes me afraid that people won't believe me or something.
"I mean, I realize in your comment you said 'likely' and not '100% sure' and there's plenty of room for nuance."
phiore
Values
"I would try to take care of any dealbreakers. If I find out that she has different political values than I do, it's not going to work out in the long run, so I wouldn't bother. Same thing with other factors (religion, financial values, etc.). I would also ask how much cuddling she likes to engage in, as I prefer a lot."
SkullKrusher9000
Essentials
Tell Me More To Do List GIF by Disney ChannelGiphy"When I was dating my three essential questions were always kids, sex, and money. If you're not on the same wavelength for any of those three things, just don't even try."
KhaosElement
TRUTH PLEASE!!
"So, how much personal debt do you have?"
"Source: the guy who dated a woman with huge debts and was asked to pay for everything and then some".
"After that, I'd go with, 'Have you ever been diagnosed with borderline, narcissistic, or histrionic personality disorders?"
extracensorypower
The questions are basic.
Just ask for the truth.
Do you have any good Qs to add to the queue? Let us know in the comments below.
As much as we always hop for our dating efforts to be worth it and for every relationship to work out, we all know that some relationships are not destined to work out.
But sometimes relationships end for totally valid reasons, and sometimes the reasons are painful, if not devastating.
Redditor overIorded asked:
"What went wrong with your last partner?"
History Repeating Itself
"He cheated on me. And I was glad because that was finally reason enough to allow myself to leave."
"Now I know somebody who's in the same situation. They're trapped. And she's such a gentle and fun person who's afraid to leave him because 'well, it's always been like this, I'm used to it,' and 'I deserve it.'"
"She wants to leave him, she knows she should leave him, but it's so hard to do it, and I know that feeling."
"I'm thinking I should give her my phone number like when the day comes you've had enough, I'll gladly come to help you move out from that s**thole."
- NmlsFool
Mental Health Struggles
"I'm lost in my own trauma and mental illness and he deserves better than anything I have to offer right now."
- Last-Celery7146
"I’ve been on the receiving end of this, and mildly said, it absolutely ruined me. Her trauma and mental problems were BAD, but I still wanted to be with them. So if you ask me, as long as they can give you the space and support you need, and want to be with you, let them make the decision."
- emilersen
"It's also fair and mature to care very much about someone but realize that you only have the emotional bandwidth to take care of yourself right now."
"I'm sure it was very hard for both of you to come to terms with that decision. I don't think it's that he deserves better, I think it's that your attention needs to be on guiding yourself through this thicket of trauma and mental illness before you can be someone else's partner. You can love each other very much but also acknowledge that you don't have the tools to spare for a relationship right now."
"I'm proud of you for focusing on your own mental health and someday, when you have more emotional stability and energy, I hope you find a wonderful partner."
- SpoonAtKnifeFight
Relationship Styles
"We disagreed on how many women he was allowed to date. I’m very strong on monogamy and have no interest in someone (in a supposedly committed relationship) that isn’t."
- Altrano
At Least There's That
"Her psychotic brother tried to kill me. Thankfully he has a Stormtrooper's aim..."
- Active-Plate7939
"Hate the attempted murder, love the 'Star Wars' reference."
- letmetellyousom
Childfree Living
"He wanted a big family, like, six kids, all-natural. Obviously, he wouldn't be birthing them. This was very important to him while I was pretty ambivalent about kids, and the further into my adulthood I've gotten, the more I've realized I just don't want to be pregnant."
"I broke it off so we could both get the lives we wanted. He was also quite a bit more conservative than me, and at the time closeted pansexual person, and some stuff he believed just didn't line up with what I believed. It hurt, but it was amicable."
"Now he has a wife and kids like he wanted, and I am happily partnered and childfree. It worked out for the best."
- Free-Government5162
Family Ties
"She hated that I had a healthy relationship with my family and was trying to find ways to sabotage it."
- Cobra-Serpentress
"Similar aspect to mine, she hated my sister and mother because she had a bad relationship with her sister and mother. She would get mad at me whenever I brought my family up."
- letmetellyousom
Quality Time
"My last boyfriend dumped me because I got mad that he was coming to Dallas after I hadn't seen him for two months, but didn't want to see me."
"He was going to meet up with some friends of his he hadn't seen in a few months. I told him that was fine with me, but I felt he should make time to see me too since we hadn't seen each other in two months and we were supposed to be a couple."
"He responded to my anger by ghosting me. That was two years ago."
- dallasmysterylover
Distracted with a Punch
"A girl contacted me about him talking to her. I asked him what was going on, and he sucker-punched me in the face."
- Brilliant-Victory128
Projecting Insecurities
"He cheated on me for all six years we were together and then accused me of cheating on him, even though I wasn't allowed to leave the house."
"I'm also pretty sure he slept with my sister-in-law when my brother and I went to pick up dinner."
- Affectionate_Egg1252
Children Come First
"He was and still is no father to his kids, has anger issues, and probably has other mental health issues. I tried for years to help him and help the relationship, but he wasn't having it. After seeing how my oldest suffered under him, I had to leave."
- rintan13
Poor Communication
"I communicated how I felt about many things in the relationship. He never communicated about anything."
- aj_oof0323
"Oh look, it's the last 14 years of my life..."
- empathetic111
"I'm guilty of this, and boy, do I regret not being able to open up about my feelings. It cost me my marriage. But now I'm trying to be more open and share my thoughts and feelings. Just wished I could've done this earlier than later."
Deserving Better
"I started drinking again and became a miserable a**hole due to my own depression and my s**tty job. As such, she didn't get the attention she deserved, and had to put up with my s**tty mood all the time... so she left. I don't blame her."
"So, it was me. I don't know if I trust myself with a relationship again, but aside from the shame of knowing I hurt someone who I loved, and loved me back, but I was too self-absorbed and selfish, I am trying to be a better human to everyone."
"And to my ex: You'll find someone again... someone better."
- cracksintheegg
Big Moves
"He wanted to move to Alaska to be with some girl he was 'friends' with before me."
- dont_be_trash
Alzheimer's Disease
"My ex's early-onset Alzheimers (at the age of 50) and the resulting violence, paranoia, and irrational thinking. I tried to honor my vows, but he was so far out there, I feared for my life."
- No_Transportation258
Different Definitions of Marriage
"She cheated on me after five years total together, the last one of which was while we were engaged. She cheated on me for months, all while I was planning the wedding, working part-time, and going to graduate school so I can support us comfortably in the future."
"I planned on giving her everything I could and sharing the rest of my life with her, and apparently she didn’t care."
- Mountaingoat1001
This conversation just goes to show that relationships can end for all kinds of reasons. Even in relationships where there is still a lot of love and committment, the relationship can still end, just like how the relationship can end suddenly because of a surprising and devastating realization.