Some people prefer hearing only the sounds of heavy breathing.

Hush Now

"Can you not talk?"

– DognamedTurtle

"Do you want to gag me?"

"Well, Kinda, now"

– not_a_droid

Body parts are not sentient beings.

Small Talk

"I have a friend who likes to say 'aw small friend!' to things that she likes. Usually reserved for cute dogs, tiny kittens, others along that line."

"For some baffling reason she blurted it out when she and a guy were gonna get down to business."

"She swears up and down that she wasn’t thinking and didn’t mean for it to be a comment on his size, but there’s no coming back from that."

– sagosaurus

Greetings And Salutations

"My first gf my own age finally got my pants off, and got it all worked up, and looked up at me and saiiiid, 'Oh… is this as big as it gets?'”

"Fml"

"Later on, when she couldn’t figure out why I was just staring at the side of her head like it was something I’d never seen before, she did explain it was bc she’d seen a porno, no, not an internet video, a real 1970s porno, and thought all penises would grow to be as big as John Holmes’. She really just had no idea what to expect. Still, I couldn’t believe she said that, and said it like that."

– FellatioAcrobat

Texture

"My gf once said 'Mmm, it's so soft' talking about my unit. She meant my skin was soft but we had to stop for a minute til I stopped laughing."

– heimdahl81

Some people never think before speaking.

Regrets, Much?

“I’m gonna hate myself when I sober up!”

– ItsPaulKerseysCar

"That comment suggests enough awareness that their drunkness isn't really an excuse 😂"

– shieldmaiden27

Let's Make An Effort

“'Are you even trying' when they clearly are."

– LeftOnDead

It's A Pleasure Doing Business

"You should leave the money on the dresser."

– GreatBigTittyLover

People can be so cruel.

Pleased To Meet Ya

"Another person’s name."

– Theweekday0117

Here's A Mask

"Can you like... Cover up your face?"

– maredvajst

Decisions, Decisions

"Hair up, glasses on. No, wait. Hair down, glasses off. NOO. Glasses on…hair…..oh forget it. Hit the lights."

– mattingly233

Not Measuring Up

"why is it so small?"

– bigslenderkyle

"is it in yet?"

– tmw123456789

See Ya

"Soo we’re done; u can go home now. My ex told me that once I felt like a real slut and I hated that."

– Skinny_thickbiss

The Gnashers

"An ex was giving me a bj once and her teeth kept getting involved, so I said ow each time and when she did it again I said 'can you watch the teeth please?.'"

"She took great offense, tears and shouting. I think it’s ok to give pointers if someone is hurting your penis…"

– Soggywallet94

Last-Minute Chauffeur

"Omg similar for me too. We’d just had sex and he immediately got up, got dressed and demanded a ride home. Tf? Didn’t understand why I immediately burst into tears either. Made me drive him home while I was sobbing."

– briarrose077

Sometimes, exceptions can be made.

Orgasmic Expression

"That face you make when you cum, it makes you look like a holocaust denier....just sayin'..."

– __Dystopian__

If you or the person you're about to get busy with are afraid of possibly ruining an erotic evening by saying something offensive in the heat of a moment, just crank up the music and let the soundtrack of your wild night fill the atmosphere.