Let's talk about toxic femininity, shall we? VysX_ asked:
There's toxic masculinity but what are examples of toxic femininity?
For some reason, toxic femininity gets really, REALLY prevalent when they become moms. It’s weird and kinda creepy, if you ask me.
Why does Little League bring out the worst in people?
“Mothers who treat other people like crap and then justify it by saying they're a mama bear."
“A few years ago my son's team was playing a little league game against another team. We had a very good team that year and the other team was really struggling. Despite this, it was a close game going into the 5th (i.e. next-to-last) inning.
Well, we're batting and the wheels finally come off for the opposition. A kid on our team gets a simple hit to the outfield and the other team proceeds to go full tee-ball and throw it all over creation. What should have been a single turns into a 3-run HR.
As the batter crosses home plate, fans are going nuts, players are going nuts, everyone is going nuts, and the star player on the losing team just melts down. He picks up the ball and throws it as hard as he can right at our dug out. There's a safety fence of course, so no one gets hurt, but it was still very much an "Oh, snap" moment for everyone.
At this point, the ump turns to the losing coach and says, "Coach, you need to get a hold of your player." That's it. That's all he said. He didn't say anything to the player; he didn't kick him out of the game; he just gave the coach a direct warning.
Next thing I hear is "DONT YOU TALK TO MY BABY THAT WAY" as the dug-out mom comes firing out of the other dug-out, heading straight for the ump. Fortunately for everyone, the head coach comes out of nowhere to intercept her. He proceeds to restrain her and walk her (and the player) away. The whole game stops for ~5 minutes while those three basically have a group hug in the middle of the infield.
Fortunately, that was the end of the drama. I still give major props to that other coach for somehow diffusing that situation without getting the police involved. But I will never understand what was going through that lady's mind."
We can all do “womaning” differently.
Wendy Conrad GIF by Your Happy WorkplaceGiphy“To me it would mean women who bag on other women for womaning differently than they do.
This becomes really toxic after childbirth. Some women will feel nothing about letting you know how you are parenting wrong by using this product or letting you child do this particular thing.
Women who are able to stay at home will be made to feel guilty for not helping to provide; and women who work are made to feel guilty for abandoning their child.
I wish women were more understanding about dealing with differences and letting things slide a bit more. You should never feel higher after putting someone else down.
That being said, I don't know how we did it, but I found the world's greatest group of moms when my son was a year and a half old. We came from all walks of life and supported the ever-loving hell out of each other. This was in Phoenix late 90's and we were completely tight until I moved away when my son was 5. I miss all of em."
They should know better than to tear down other women.
“It's very common for mothers or female relatives to be some of the first ones to comment on a woman's weight, appearance, or personal style/fashion choices, as well as reinforcing a sense of self-hatred (i.e. "I look so fat in this outfit, and you look so ugly in that color"), all while tearing other women down ("I can't believe she's wearing that, doesn't she know how she looks??").
When you have that reinforcement that it's normal to say things like that, because if your mom does it then it's okay to do it too, then you just treat it as normal. And because it's so common, you find other women to do it with and it just becomes a cycle. If you try to break it, then you're labeled as sensitive, a bore, and "Oh my god we're just having fun, chill out, it's not that serious."
I still remember the first time I called my mom on talking sh*t about a woman wearing something she didn't like, and she got so f*cking mad at me."
Let’s dive into the tearing down other women thing some more. We as a society need a wake-up call.
It’s like high school all over again.
"Some women are so judgemental about other women, particularly when it comes to looks or fashion.
Also the women who seem to enjoy forming cliques and cutting out anyone they deem to be an outsider.
Worked with an office full of them once. It really sucked!"
“When I first got out of grad school, my first (and as it turns out, only) teaching job was long-term substituting for a friend while she went on maternity leave. The kids/classroom were mine for the first half of the school year, but we coordinated so that things would be pretty smooth transitioning back to my friend teaching at the end of her leave.
My friend was part of a two-teacher team who ran the 8th grade Student Council. I told the other teacher that I would be happy to help her with the club in my friend's absence, but she insisted she didn't need my help. She then proceeded to 100% ignore me and treat me as if I was invisible during all future interactions. 8th-grade team meetings, if I said even a single word, she shot me side eye, even though what I had said was not at all related to her; just a kind of "you're not a real teacher, how dare you speak?" vibe she was giving off.
My last day, my friend came in after school to put her classroom stuff up as I took my own down. The other teacher and two other women (the PE coach who I'd never talked to and another teacher, I don't remember) came in to help her, but none of the three of them offered to help me take any of my own things down or pack any of it up. They also said things like, "Is this yours or hers?" to my friend, even though I was standing right f*cking there. They also gushed about how excited they were that she was back; again, right in front of me.
After I was finally done putting away all my things--again, by myself--I just left without a word. I texted my friend about it later, and she apologized for her other friends' behavior but just excused it as, "Yeah, they're definitely the 'Mean Girls' types".
I was just floored. These were TEACHERS. You know, the people who are supposed to teach children NOT to bully other people? And I had never been anything but nice to everyone I met during my time there, but they didn't care. I wasn't part of their group, so I wasn't worth their time.
It became one of a laundry list of reasons I decided I didn't actually want to be a teacher for a living, after all.
tl;dr - personally experienced cliquey adult women in the education field, of all places. It sucked.”
How possessive.
“My ex-husband and I separated when our child was 2. Went to a birthday party for daughter's friend and was having a casual conversation with one of the husbands. The group of women stood in a corner staring at me, and the wife came up and grabbed him by the arm and started doing that strange possessive peacock dance.
What were we talking about? Real estate prices."
“No joke, I had a professor I was close with because we were both single moms and she gave me the advice to wear a wedding band even without a man and that the other moms would chill out a bit. It worked and my daughter started getting more opportunities for playdates. It's really demoralizing."
I think we all need to learn how to be more forgiving.
Toxic office culture is the literal worst.
come together love and hip hop GIF by VH1Giphy“The sheer terrifying glee they have at tearing down someone who's made a mistake or is somehow lacking in their eyes. I worked at a doctor's office with a fifty person staff, forty five of which were women. Like they were so fake and catty and just outright hateful to each other. It was a toxic office culture."
“Did they also have a compulsive, competitive need to please the male figures in the department? I go weekly to a fairly small medical department where the head doctor is male and the majority of nurses and admin are female. They treat him like an absolute God and defer to him with everything. He's a huge d*ck and of course, has a big ego by now."
This girl isn't just toxic--she's a monster.
“A girl in the grade below me (I'm a senior in high school at this point) passed away unexpectedly due to sepsis. Our whole city was in shock as the girl was in the school just days before her passing.
I remember I met up with my gf at the time and she asked, "Why do so many people care about her dying? It's not like she was pretty anyways."
This was the type of girl that says, "What??!! I am SOOO nice."
Safe to say, the lord blessed me with a brain and I GTFO of that relationship.
To this day, she is still in contact with me & recently she complained that guys use her & she can't figure out why nobody will be with her.
Well, honey, I don't think it takes a rocket scientist to figure that one out.
Edit: Some of you have said that I should tell her and I did. Apparently, she would "literally never say that about her" and also apparently "I know nothing about her." (My ex. Dated for 4 years. Know nothing)"
This is how eating disorders start.
“Probably the culture around eating.
When I was 17-18, a few friends kept saying how much more attractive I'd be if I lost weight, how that's why most guys weren't into me, how I'd regret not being skinny in college, etc. My BMI was slightly under 25, so I wasn't overweight, but I was close to it, especially compared to them.
So I basically became anorexic from 18-20 just because the feedback was like a high. I recovered, but not enough to make my mom and others happy, even though my BMI was 22-23. This continued for years between friends and family, and it was exhausting cycling between being too skinny or not average enough.
That's really the only strong example I can think of. No matter the trendy body shape, the criticism from others will always continue. I've only had one guy ever comment on my weight compared to the many, many women, even strangers.”
As a woman myself, I’ve encountered plenty of toxic femininity in my life. It’s almost as terrible as the objectifying sh*t I hear men saying about women all the time. We have to be rid of cattiness and tearing other women down.
Remember what we actually need to be working against. So much sexism exists in the world, and we have to stick together.