I wish a someone would dare try to rob m-no, no I don't. Let me not put that kind of energy out into the universe. *coughs and keeps composure*
The following Ask Redditors were robbed and are thankfully alive and well to tell us about it below.
Interested in reading more stories? Find the original source thread at the end of the article.
"I've been robbed a couple of times, actually.
One time that sticks out: In college, during the summer, I worked at a local meat store. A guy comes in holding a knife, one of those tactical folding knives. Mind you, we're in a meat store. There are guys in the store that have meat cleavers and machetes.
So, when the guy held a knife up, we were in that state of limbo, asking ourselves, 'Is he serious or kidding?'
I panicked and turned to my manager to my left, who was actually holding a machete in his hand. The thief also turned his head to see that, in fact, there are at least 3 guys in the store with large knives. He then turned around and took off."
"When I was around 7 I had a lemonade stand. There were a lot of kids in the neighborhood, so I had a lot of customers. I got away with charging 25 cents per cup.
A certain boy, about 12-years-old was a frequent customer at my stand. He bought about 3 cups from me, so I really liked him. On his 4th cup, he threw the quarter into the grass and told me to go find it.
I thought it was a fun game, so I did it. When I turned around, the jerk grabbed my cup of money and took off on his bike.
It was awful and I am still pissed about it."
"I went to a bank to open a savings account. Before I left, the bank people gave me an envelope full of information about my account and other services they offered. I left and began walking home.
As I crossed the street, someone ran up behind me, grabbed the envelope out of my hand (I'm sure he thought it was stuffed with cash), and took off down a side street. I hope he puts those pamphlets to good use."
"I once talked myself out of a mugging a few years back. I claimed to be an Off-Duty Police Officer and that I would pretend the event hasn't happened if the miscreants left the area. I still can't believe it worked."
"I needed to print something from the library one night when I was in college and ran to my car to get some change. The lot where the car was parked was near the sketchier part of town but I never locked my doors because: a) I grew up in a small town where I didn't really need to and b) I'm an idiot.
Anyway, when I got to my car, I noticed the door wasn't quite closed all the way, I figured I just shut it like a susie and it didn't latch. Then I notice that it looks like a jacket is lying across my seats, 'Yeah that's normal.'
Then I open it, and a dude just turns and starts looking at me like I walked in on him taking a crap.
Me: Uhhh, whatcha doing?
Him: Oh I'm just waiting for my daughter to meet me, we're about to go get some dinner.
Me: Why are you in my car?
Him: OH, THIS IS YOUR CAR? I thought this was my daughter's car. I haven't heard from her in a while, do you know where I could find out what dorm she is in?
Me: *confused* Yeah, that one over there (point toward campus security).
He walked off as I stood there a bit flabbergasted. Finally, I looked into my car to find my dashboard halfway off and my cup of change gone. But hey, on the brightside there were no new holes in my body!"
"It was a very strange experience. There were two guys and one of them pulled a knife on me.
'Don't worry, we won't kill you. We're drug addicts. We just want your money', one of them told me.
It's weird to have such a comforting mugger."
"I was 12-years-old. I had a box of Oreos in my pocket and someone tried to take them.
I hit them with an arcade hunting shotgun."
"I was attacked walking to the bus stop after work one night at 9 pm in my hometown. I'm a 21-year-old female and have walked the same route for 5 years with no hassle.
Out of nowhere two guys and one girl appeared and told me to hand over my bag and empty my pockets.
I did and the girl decided that she didn't like the way I was 'looking at her', so they proceeded to stamp on my head and kick me on the ground until I was left bleeding and on death's door with serious head wounds.
Some nice person passed by scared them off with threats to call the police.They called me an ambulance and saved my life. I had a dislocated knee, horrific bruises, bleeding in my brain, a broken nose and 3 broken ribs."
"Well, I haven't been mugged but my mother has.
This took place in the late 80's (or early 90's, I can't remember). She was returning from university when a man rushed to her and began to pull off her purse. She resisted, but eventually the mugger ran with it.
Well, about three minutes later, a police officer showed up with her purse on one hand and the thief in the other. It turns out the genius ran into a cop."
"A few months ago, I was (and still am) 18.
I was walking down the street after school with my backpack on when I see a hand pop up to my left and some voice tells me, 'shake my hand.' I shake this hand and turn around to notice a scrawny 20-something-year-old, who was a little bit shorter than me (I'm about 5'9) with a hand in his pocket nervously looking around.
He tells me to give him my cell phone or he would shoot me. I slowly pull my phone out of my pocket and fidget with it telling him that I'm gonna remove the SIM card and then I'd give it to him. I'm really waiting to see if he can follow through on the threat of shooting me.
A girl walks by and he leans up against the wall and pretends to be making small talk with me and I nervously play along out of fear.
About a minute passes since we first shook hands and I can see he's getting nervous watching me stupidly play with my phone in my hands. So he pulls both hands out of his pockets and tries to swipe the phone from my hands, this is where it gets fun...
I'm really proud of my next move. With my right hand I put my phone back in my pocket while I used my left hand to pin him against the wall by the neck and started punching his stomach like my life depended on it.
I got about 6 hits in until I decided to split just in case he wasn't alone. I started walking away while he told me to stop being such a punk and that if I was gonna start trouble I should be able to take the heat...what the heck?
I got to the corner and walked into a restaurant to catch a breath and tell someone what happened (and to also feel like a champ)."
"It was late at night and we were walking through a deserted suburban street playing 'fire hacky sack' which is a variation of hacky sack where you light the ball on fire. As you'd imagine, it is pretty distracting. Because of this, we didn't see the car pull up beside us until it was too late.
A guy came out wearing the creepiest thing ever (a mask made out of a tea towel that he had cut slits for eyes into) and a driver was visible in the front seat. The one guy rushed at us with a knife and grabbed the closest friend of mine, putting the knife to his throat.
He then muttered, 'empty all of your bags and reverse all of your pockets onto the ground in front of you, no sudden movements. If anyone moves, I'll kill this kid.' I wasn't even scared at all, I barely even realized what was happening, I felt absolutely nothing.
My poor friend who had the knife at his throat started crying (I don't blame him) and the rest of us quickly emptied everything we had onto the ground. His friend then came out of the car, and grabbed anything that looked valuable (wallets, phones etc) and annoyingly enough, all of our keys were included.
They then let go of my friend, ran to the car and sped off.
Amazingly, none of us checked the number plate, we were all so busy trying to account for the fact that we were still alive and unharmed, particularly the friend of mine who had had the knife at his throat.
We weren't able to get the cops down there for ages because none of the houses we knocked on believed us (they thought we were trying to rob them).
Aside from all of us changing the locks to our houses, there wasn't much lasting change to my life. Having to buy a new phone and wallet was a pain though."
Points have been edited for clarity.