Working retail is the secret to being angry literally all the time.
Customer service is already difficult, but retail, with its low pay, long hours, and difficult streams of humans you're dealing with on a daily basis is enough to drive even the kindest, most sane human up a wall.
And when you get those people who seem determined to make it harder.....it's anybody's guess what your next reaction will be, including yours.
Here were some of those answers.
This Or That
This wasn't an incident that made me angry, but rather I was going to lose my sh*t in the sense this interaction made me feel like I was losing my mind.
I worked at a weird Starbucks that was drive thru and walk up only, there was no indoor seating. There were signs on either side of the walk up window displaying a menu with a photo of each product that was listed. If I was working at the walk up window I couldn't see the menu, even if I leaned out the window as much as I could.
One day a woman came to the store, asked me a question about parking or something, and then ordered. She pointed at the menu and said "Could I have that one?"
"I'm sorry, which drink are you pointing at?"
She points again, "That one."
"I can't see the menu from here, could you tell me what drink it is?"
"I really can't see the menu, can you tell me what it says?"
What the heck? Maybe she doesn't speak English. No, she asked me something in perfect English earlier. Maybe she's embarrassed to pronounce the drink name wrong? Maybe she's illiterate?
"What color is it?"
"Do you want a hot or cold drink?"
"Do you want something with coffee, or maybe something sweet?"
"Did you want a frapuccino?"
It went on like this for a while until I gave up and just rang her up for a grande iced caramel machiatto. She seemed perfectly happy with it when I handed it to her.
She Hit The Floor, Next Thing You Know, She Got LOW
I worked at a department store. I was in charge of the truck and stocking. Usually this included making the department I worked look good, refolding clothes, straightening stacks, sizing the clothing racks, etc.
I'd just finished the juniors department when I turn around and see so many clothes on the floor. There was a teenager picking up folded shirts to look at them and then she was just throwing them on the ground.
It was a particularly bad day for me as all but two of our truck team had called in. I didn't have time for this at all.
I politely asked her to stop throwing the merchandise on the floor. Its fine if she wanted to just set the stuff back onto the tables, but seriously stop throwing it on the ground.
This turned into her proceeding to throw piles of folded clothes on the ground. Picking up hanging items and just tossing them.
So I asked where her parents were. She refused to answer. So I paged overhead asking for the parent of said teen (I described her clothing and hair) to come to the juniors department, as their daughter had something amazing surprise for them.
It wasn't long before a lady walked over with a smile on her face, and then it just fell into the most pissed off/disappointed/disgusted look. She looked at me, then her daughter. The girl tried to say I was the one that did this and was trying to blame her for being bad at my job. Her mom was having NONE of that.
Mom apologized profusely for her daughter's behavior and asked me to show her how we folded the clothes. I tried to tell her not to worry about it, I just wanted her kid to stop. She insisted, so I showed her the fold we used on shirts and the ones we used on pants.
I started picking things up, and noticed that the mom had gone to work telling her daughter how to fold everything. Eventually she told me I could go do something else, they weren't leaving until her daughter fixed everything.
I had other things to do, but I came back later and they were finishing up. Daughter was in tears, saying she was humiliated and that this wasn't her job. Mom just kind of stood there chuckling and said, "it's your job right now, you make a mess you pick it up. Rules don't stop at our front door, they apply to anywhere you go."
Started off as one of the worst experiences but ended on a high note, for me at least.
I worked at Target in the clothing department for about 3 years. One night I was on the closing shift (6pm-11pm). If you work the closing shift, you spend pretty much the entire shift zoning your assigned area. For me, that meant folding clothes for 5 hours. This particular night I was assigned the women's area, which is the largest. Around 8pm a woman, probably in her late 40s, approached me.
She asked if I could help her find maxi skirts. I happily walked her to where they were. She then asks my opinion on which skirts I liked the best. Again, I happily told her. She grabs every single print we offer in the skirt. Then she asks me to come back to the fitting room with her. I obliged.
When we get back to the fitting room she wants me to stand outside the dressing room as she tries the skirts on. She comes out after each one and spends about 5 minutes going back and forth on "does this look good?" "Is it the right size?" "I don't like it." "Actually I do like it."
She asked me to fetch different sizes for different prints. She also has an attitude while she's doing all of this. Telling me that it's my job to help her. This went on until about 9:30. Finally, I think she's done. She now has about 20-25 skirts in her dressing room. She leaves them all sprawled out in the room and proceeds to tell me that she doesn't want any of them. Then she tells me to have a good night and leaves, leaving her mess behind. It took everything in me to smile back and to say have a good night as well.
Also, about 2 years later, my cousin was working at an office and some lady came in there. When my cousin was telling me about the lady and how she was a pain who kept going back and forth on things and was being so rude... We discovered it was the same lady I had helped before. So apparently this is the norm for her.
The End Of My Career
This crazy woman was already a known problem customer in our store. Being one of the managers and a longtime retail veteran, I usually helped her when she came in.
One particular day, she came in wanting to return a clearance item she'd bought 3 MONTHS AGO. I knew she knew our return policy and pointed out the "Final Sale" note on her crumpled receipt. (The day she'd bought the item in question had not been a fun encounter to begin with).
She started screaming that she should be allowed to return it because she has cancer and I have no idea how hard that was. I nursed my grandfather through Stage 4 lung cancer so had some idea but simply gave her calm reassurances. I did stick to the policy though. Side note: she'd been a nightmare long before she became ill and probably should have been banned already for some of her antics.
After more back and forth, she asks that I let her just exchange it. As she's giving me a headache, I agree, inform her that the exchanged item WOULD NOT be able to be returned or exchanged and reminded her of how much credit she had.
She comes back with another item and slams it onto my counter. Lo and behold, there's a dollar and change difference between her original item and the new one. She's furious, shouting that she shouldn't have to pay it and don't I know she's suffering! I firmly insist she coughs up the difference as THAT'S HOW EXCHANGES WORK.
She responded by pulling a fistful of change out of her purse and throwing it at my face. A nickel bounced off of my glasses. I saw red but calmly counted up the change, slid the excess across the counter (which she threw onto the floor) and she stormed out.
There had been a young couple in line behind her who promptly approached the counter and asked if I was okay. The head manager took over the register and sent me to the back to calm down. When I came out, she told me that the crazy woman had caused a ruckus at our sister store a few doors down and was now, finally, banned from both stores.
I quit the store and took a job in an office a few weeks later.
Physics Be Damned
Guy slammed a hot water bottle down on the counter and loudly exclaimed, with wife nodding in agreement behind him, that he'd put cold water in it 3 hours ago and it still wasn't hot.
That's Probably Worse
Idk if this counts as retail, but I was an intern at an aquarium, and while working at the touch-tank, a kid swallowed a handful of sand, I told his mother, and she told me that he was only four. He proceeded to swallow another handful of sand.
When Stubbornness Defies Science
Had a woman come in and request a large drink in a small cup. I asked her to repeat that. She reiterated she wanted a large drink, but in a small cup. I told her that wasn't possible. This went on and on, her yelling that it wasn't that difficult to understand, I'm trying to tell her that they're different volumes. Eventually I filled up a large, got a small cup and dead-eyed her while pouring the large in until it overflowed and went all over the counter.
How Does Capitalism Do This To People?
Former Blockbuster employee here.
There was a woman who not only absolutely refused to pay her late fees (which were legitimate), she became so enraged that she threw her stack of tapes at me, hitting me in the face. She then marched around the store and knocked every cassette, DVD, and coverbox that she could reach off of the shelves (some with her hands, some by swinging her purse), while shouting obscenities.
My manager got on the phone and called the police. When Angry Lady finished trashing the store, she demanded to know which cars out on the parking lot my coworker and I drove. When we refused to say, she spit at us and knocked all of the candy/shelf talkers/etc. off of the counters, and began stomping on them.
I don't know if it was divine intervention, or luck, or what, but as Angry Lady was spitting and stomping on the candy, another woman walked into the store. This woman just happened to be my next-door neighbor...and a police officer.
Officer Neighbor Lady approached Angry Lady and identified herself as a police officer. As she attempted to ask what the problem was, Angry Lady shouted, "WHERE'S YOUR F*****N' BADGE, B***?!", spit at Officer Neighbor Lady, and attempted to flee.
Officer Neighbor Lady grabbed Angry Lady before she could reach the door and a scuffle ensued. In a blink, Officer Neighbor Lady kicked Angry Lady's legs out from under her and she went down like a sack of bricks. I'll never forget the SMACK sound her face made when it hit the concrete floor (satisfying!).
While she held Angry Lady down, Officer Neighbor Lady asked me to go get her purse, out of which she pulled a pair of handcuffs. As the cuffs locked around her wrists, it was then that Angry Lady finally realized what trouble she was in. She began to sob and wail loudly. She promised to make nice, pay her fee, and begged to be let go. Two uniformed officers arrived and hauled Angry Lady away, screaming and crying like a lunatic.
Turned out Angry Lady was actually the mother of a student at my school (I was in high school at the time). He avoided me for the rest of the year (felt terrible for the guy). We found out later that Angry Lady was not under the influence of any alcohol or drugs - she was just a volatile, childish jerk. She was banned from every corporate Blockbuster store.
Oh, and the late fee she owed? $12.
Hot Coffee Drama
When I was a kid, I worked at a fast food restaurant and opened on the weekends. Toward the end of the breakfast rush, some guy comes through with a huge order. We were getting ready for lunch, and didn't have anything he wanted already made, so it took us a few minutes to get it together.
He starts cussing at me that he is late for church, and I need to hurry the hell up. I explain that I will get his food out as soon as the cooks are done, but that's not good enough for him. I finally reached my limit, and told him he should probably leave the house earlier next Sunday.
Dude throws hot coffee on me through the drive-thru window. My manager sees this, and asks me how much their food is. He then pulls that amount out of the register, throws it at the man, and tells him to get the heck out of his drive-thru. The guy threatens to call the cops, and my boss told him they were already on the way and he needed to leave if he didn't want to get arrested for assault.
"Uhh, why this model of shoes has seams on the right, and that one has on the left?" Dude, are you serious? I sell, not design this stuff!
"The mother bought..."
I've had this one mother of a few teenagers tell me verbatim,
"You know if you slowed down, we wouldn't run into this situation."
Story behind it: The mother bought a whole lot of stuff, including some taquitos and a slushie. One of her kids come in and drop their stuff on the counter so I added them and the mom asks "Did you include this?" in a mean manner. While the kid says I'm paying for myself so I void the things the kid put down with the mom still asking and I go "No" and she tells me that quote.
"On one particular Thursday..."
I work at a Starbucks, and you can imagine all of the customers we get. Especially being the only location in my city with a drive thru. But there was one lady who stood out among everyone.
Every Thursday is happy hour, which is a buy one get one for hand crafted espresso beverages, so lattes, Frappuccinos, anything we have to pour out blood, sweat, and annoyance into.
On one particular Thursday we were extremely busy, and one lady came in and decided to order 8 different frappuccinos. All fairly complex; 4 different types of milk, all with more than one syrup and some unusual "secret menu" item that made the print out sticker about half a foot long.
Anyway, there were only two of us making beverages, I was doing cafe orders and my coworker was making drive thru orders, so I got flooded with frappes.
I had already heard this lady chew out my coworker on the POS for not making half of her order free, so I could tell she was a total Karen. But about 2 drinks in she yells at me asking what's taking so long, why I'm purposely working so slow to ruin her day, etc.
I politely explained to her that we only have one blender at the moment so it takes some time to make the drinks, (our other one had been broken because the motor wasn't working properly). She accused me of being extremely rude to her and asked to speak to my manager, and considering they weren't in at the time I asked one of my supervisors to come out.
This lady exclaimed that I had called her a btch, told her to sit the fck down and wait for her damn drinks, and some other bullshit she made up on the spot.
Right then, I used my right to refuse service to anyone, and dumped her three finished frappuccinos down the sink while looking her dead in the eyes. My supervisor backed me up, saying that if she was going to act this way, she would have to leave.
She walked out so fast, without even getting a refund, and I haven't seen her since.
The highlight of that day was getting a 20 dollar tip from an older gentleman which he had given to me as somewhat of a pat on the back for having to deal with that lady, and everyone in the store politely waited for their drinks and thanked everyone in the store.
"I told him what he needed..."
A customer asked me about our coupon. I told him what he needed to know. He asked again and I told him. This went on for a couple minutes before I called up the assistant manager, knowing if my patience was tried any longer I was gonna go off.
"I was a salesman..."
I was a salesman at cell phone store until two years ago, had a guy come in one night about 30 minutes before the store closed. I was the only one working at the time. He wanted to return a phone he had bought because he couldn't get used to the operating system, it was an iPhone and before that he had only used android. Nothing wrong with that, people have their preferences, I myself prefer android, to each his/her/their own. I check the gentleman's receipt and he is within the return period.
I look through the bag and see that the box the phone came in is still neat and tidy and has the charger, headphones, and warranty papers all where they should be. All seems to he om order. Finally I inspected the phone itself. The front looks okay, just heavily fingerprinted. I take the case off and I turn the phone over to look at the back and this thing is massacred. The back is scratched to hell and back. It looked like someone took a weed whacker to it. The glass lens on the camera was smashed. As I'm staring it open mouthed and wide eyed I glance up at the guy and he is just staring me down and then says, "the refund will go back to my card correct?" I took a second to answer because I couldn't understand the stupidity.
I finally said, "Sir, I can't take this back. Not at all. Our policy states that any return or exchange must be in 'like new' condition in order to be resold, albeit in 'open box' condition and with the extensive damage on the back, I cannot return it."
What ensued next was the most idiotic I ever seen a person act.
He said, "There's nothing wrong it. I don't see anything."
HOW DO YOU NOT SEE ANYTHING WRONG?
I looked at him dumbfounded and said, "The phone is right here between us, we are both looking at the same phone, look at the back plate and the camera."
He said, "It looks fine to me. Please refund my money, I don't want it."
"Well, as I said, I cannot take it back. I will not take it back."
"You have to, your policy says I can return or exchange purchases within 30 days and I'm within the 30 days."
"Yes you are, but the phone us damaged."
"No it isn't, where do you get that from?"
"From the fact that it's scratched and the camera lens is destroyed."
"I want to take to corporate."
" Alright, here is their number," I say as I had him a card with the number for customer service.
As he talked to them I went about the store finishing up my closing duties. He put the phone on speaker so I could hear the entire conversation. They told him the same things I told him and also told him that regardless they had no power to compel me to take a phone back. After a while he hing up on then and then sat at my desk staring me down until I can back over to finish the cash reporting at my register.
He looked at me and then said, "So when will I have my money back?"
"I am not returning that phone. Not a chance. You have been arguing with me for 30 minutes now, it is past 9:00pm, my store is now closed. The manager will be here tomorrow if you'd like to talk with him, but as of tonight I cannot and will not return that phone."
At this point his entire demeanor changed. Before he had just been a moron but had been calm. Now he lowered his head slightly and creased his brown and yelled, you f------ piece of scum. That's what you are. You are scum. Absolute filth. Worthless."
I'm not having this so I simply told him, "Gather your things and get out of my store. I will not be spoken to like that."
"No, I'm not leaving until you take this phone back, refund me, and reactivate my old phone."
"You need to leave. This is not public property. If you don't I am calling the police."
"You won't do it because you are spineless, scum."
So I called the police while staring him in the eye. He because even more furious and pushed my desk, not enough to damage it, just enough to nudge it slightly. At this point I realized that he may have weapon of some kind and me trying to stand my ground and be formidable with him may not be the smartest move, I went to the back of the store which is through a locked door and watched him through the security cameras to make sure he didn't trash the place or steal anything. When the police finally arrived I came out and told them the whole story to one officer while the angry man spoke to a separate officer.
The police finally told him that I was right, he needed to leave. The next day the manager called the guy and told him not to come in because he would not return the phone. I had taken pictures of it to show the manager. The man called relentlessly and tried to enter the store but we barred him from it. We eventually told him that if he kept it up that we would involve the police again and press charges this time. He eventually quit harassing us. The best part is the time in between his purchase and attempted return, remember I mentioned he was within his 3p day return period, he bought it two days before trying to return it.
Two days and he trashed the back. My theory is that he was fully aware of the damage and deliberately came so close to closing time thinking I wouldn't be as diligent because I wanted to leave for the night. As for why he wasn't seeking an exchange I am unsure, maybe he just came to conclusion that he didn't want a high phone bill, I have no idea. But those are my theories at least.
"So I ring her up..."
This happened today, a few hours ago.Not as crazy as the others, but I'm still pissed off.
This lady comes in with a return without a receipt. I ask to see her driver's license so I can scan it. So she opens her wallet and lays it on the counter in front of me and gives me an expectant look. I reach to pull her license out of the pocket (to scan it, like I told her, I thought it was pretty fucking obvious I couldn't do that when it's all covered up and I can't see the barcode on the back) and she pries my fingers off of her wallet and angrily says "Don't touch my wallet!" So I ask her to pull it out so I can scan it.
So I ring her up and give her a gift card with store credit. She gives me an angry look and leaves. Then, not a minute later, comes back to my register and demands to speak to a manager. All I can hear while I'm ringing up the next customer is this evil soccer mom loudly talking sh~t about me and everything I did wrong, then my manager has to break the rules and trade her gift card for cash just to get rid of her. I was trying to start up a conversation with the next customer so I didn't have to hear her being so horrible, but it didn't really work out.
"It's not that extreme..."
It's not that extreme, but I work at a Domino's and I have to listen to people asking me how many slices are in X size pizza. They're all cut the same. They all have 8 slices. Of course they aren't happy with that answer.
"She tried to start in on me..."
I managed a coffee shop in college that also had ice cream on one side. Shakes, sundaes, cones, etc...
Had a new girl working her first shift and this rude chick paused her annoyingly loud cell phone convo to berate this girl because she accidentally started to scoop the wrong ice cream. Honest mistake but this chick starts screaming at this poor girl and calling her all kinds of "idiot, dumb b!tch, etc...". The new girl was shaking and trying to apologize while fighting back tears. I walked over and whispered to her to go hang out in the office and that I'd take over. Then I slammed the door to the ice cream case closed and looked at the chick and told her "Get. The F*CK. Out" as calmly as I could.
She tried to start in on me but I just turned to the rest of the line and said "no one is getting ice cream until she's gone. So figure it out."
The rude chick bounced pretty quickly after that.
"I told the lady..."
Was a dog trainer at a pet store talking to a customer about training for their dog. She had her father with her and says something like 'don't worry I'll take care of it' and proceeded to hit the dog. I about lost my sh!t. I told the lady to never let her dad do that again. She was sad but I don't think it changed anything.
Also had someone bring in a litter of puppies that they were feeding fried chicken to. That was very very sad.
"I answered the customer service phone..."
I answered the customer service phone at a supermarket. A customer told me that our produce scales were wrong, because when he got home he checked the weights of all his fruits and vegetables on his kitchen scales and they were different from how the store weighed them. This was a HUGE and unacceptable act of fraud on the store's part, obviously. He had calculated the weight differences and demanded that I refund the amount he'd been "overcharged". The sum? $0.17c.
"I think I actually..."
I think I actually have one for this.
For some backstory, I work at a small store that has 3 locations, two in the city I live in and one an hour away. At the time this happened, I worked in all three locations throughout the week. This story takes place in the location an hour away, where I only worked on Mondays and Thursdays. The other employee worked the other days at this location, we will call her S. S often brought in her girlfriend to hang out, which was fine and our boss didn't care as long as work got done and customers were helped.
Supposedly S's girlfriend looked like me (I have seen her, the only similarity is that we are both blonde, and not even the same shade of blonde). We also have a no refund or exchange policy, as people are a--holes and have abused it in the past, so before I even started working there my boss decided to do no refunds and no exchanges for any reason. This policy is posted at the cash register, on the wall, on the window next to the door, and on one of the counters (this is a very small store, so frankly the amount of places is excessive). It is also posted at the bottom of all receipts.
Okay, so the story. I'm working one Monday and this old couple come in with one of our store bags, so I already know it's going to be a rough visit. They ask for a refund for an OPEN product. That they ADMIT to using. The product helps with pain relief, but there isn't a set amount for everyone. So some people may need one teaspoon, some people may need a tablespoon, some may need multiple tablespoons. Anyways, of course, I tell them no, because of store policy. At this point, they have already mentioned 3 times that I was "here yesterday when it was sold", to which I repeatedly pointed out that, no, I was in another shop an hour away. After I tell them no, the conversation goes something like this:
Old lady: Well yesterday you said it was guaranteed to work, and it didn't work.
Me: Well, yesterday I was in other city at another shop, but we cannot guarantee results for anyone, we can just tell you what works best for most of our customers.
OL: Well he tried it and it didn't work. So you owe us our money back. That's what guarantee means.
M: As I previously said, due to store policy we cannot do refunds or exchanges. How much did he take of it?
OL: Two teaspoons.
M: Well, some people need more than others. We have some customers that take one teaspoon and it works fine, and others who take a couple tablespoons before it works. Everyone is dif-
OL: He tried multiple times. He took one teaspoon and waited 10 minutes and then took another and STILL NOTHING. I told you yesterday that if it didn't work I would be back in here today returning it and you said it was guaranteed to work. You knew I would be back if it didn't work.
M: Once again, I was nowhere near this shop yesterday. The only people who would have been here is S and her girlfriend, and I've heard several times that I look similar to her girlfriend. I don't see it, but since quite a few people do, I'll assume she was here yesterday. I was at our other location in other city, which is over an hour away. That's where I work every Sunday, like every Monday I work here. I do apologize if S told you you could have a refund, as she should never have said that and should not have guaranteed it's success, that isn't what we are supposed to say or do and I apologize on behalf of her. I'll be letting my boss know so he can speak to her about it. However, we do not issue refunds, and I cannot budge on that. (At this point she had tried to cut me off several times but I would slightly raise my voice and then go back to talking at a normal level.)
OL: Well you should really tell people there are no refunds.
(I pulled her receipt off the counter from where she put it and showed her the bottom, where it says no refunds)
M: It says it here at the bottom of the receipt, and there is a sign on the door, on the register, and on the wall. I do apologize if S did not verbally tell you there were no refunds, but that is policy.
OL: Well can't you call your boss?
M: I can, and I will if you would like, however he is going to say the same thing I did.
(I proceed to call my boss, who did indeed say the same thing I did. Only he basically told me I should know better than to call him about it, because I know the policy. The only reason he does this is that USUALLY it calms the customers down when they realize I'm getting in "trouble" for having him explain what I already did. I never actually get in trouble for it. The old lady also mentioned how I was the one who said it was guaranteed the day before, to which my boss responded "She was at other location in other city so there is no way that's true".)
They ended up spending another $100 on something else that they normally buy, vowing to never return again, to which I literally said "Okay." About a month after that S got fired for doing things like that, buying things from the store then selling them to people (we got a damn good discount, so she would buy something for like $8, then sell it to a customer in store for the store price of $22, getting cash for it. Which is basically stealing that money from the store.), constantly lying about me and saying I didn't do things I should have, or that I did do something I shouldn't (the bosses knew me well at that point, so they shut her down), and my personal favorite: harassing a regular customer, who then spotted my car one day and realized it was me working, and proceeded to tell me what had been going on. Safe to say, I was not sad to see S go, or the customer.
"I'm late to this..."
I'm late to this, but I used to manage a pop-up Halloween store in the city. For reasons far out of my control, and because of the nature of the temporary pop-up store, we had a step to come up into our store, so we were not ADA/wheelchair accessible.
One evening, a lady comes on a motorized wheelchair, and then gets upset that she can't come in. She wants to speak to me, the manager, to air her complaints. She was 100% in the right, and very reasonable.
All of a sudden this other able-bodied guy comes walking by and sees the problem. He starts yelling at me that I am treating this lady with a disability very wrong. He is just yelling and complaining and acting as this able-bodied hero for this woman.
There was nothing I could do at the moment, it was 9 PM, and I couldn't just start pouring concrete down to make a ramp into the store. This guy was having none of it. I was mostly upset that he was being belligerent for no reason, when I was having a perfectly fine discussion with the person who was in the wheelchair. I feel like sometimes people just want to start making a scene so they can be the hero.
Eventually, the guy walks away, and I continue on with the customer in a wheelchair who was very, very sweet. I saw her on a bus a few weeks later and we had a discussion like we were old friends.
Don't be the bigger guy in unneeded situations.
"They of course come back..."
Worked at a stand alone computer store in Baton Rouge about 20 years ago. I built custom computers. A man and his two young sons come in. None of them have sleeves on. And they all smell as though they have never even heard of deodorant or showers. Nice people, but you don't want to stand too close, because the smell is overwhelming. Literally. People are coming from the backrooms to see what in the world is going on. Owner is worried about a gas leak.
Anyway, they buy a desktop computer, and they ask how to set it up. I walk them through the whole process, and they're nodding all along. In the back of my mind I strongly suspect that they're not getting it, and that they'll only return later on, but in the moment I don't care. I just want to get through the pain as fast as possible to get some fresh air, and maybe someone else will help them when they come back...
Of course they return. And I could smell them before I saw them. Said the computer didn't work. I asked them to walk through the process that they went through setting it up. Blank look on their faces. So I ask what happens when they push the power button. Blank stares. Ah... So I show them the power button, and say that you need to push that to turn it on. (I AM NOT MAKING ANY OF THIS UP). Thankfully they leave after that, thinking that is that and I won't have to see them again. HA!
They of course come back a third time. Smell and all. This time they say that they did push the button, but nothing happened. I was surprised, because everything worked fine at the store. So I troubleshooting the problem, I asked if the green led on the power supply in the back of the case came on when they plugged the unit into the outlet at home. There was a pause for about 10 seconds before the man said "I didn't know we needed to plug it in. You never told us that!" He was mad, and I was glad that he was, because I got to turn it over to the owner (who ultimately accepted the return, which is probably the only time he did that, as these are custom computers). I suspect that this family didn't even have electricity...
"I was completely disgusted..."
I have sooo many stories but this one stands out cause it still pisses me off. A few years ago I worked for a cell phone store and one day this old guy comes in with his very nearly toothless friend. They needs a new phone but he doesn't pass the credit check, so he calls his wife to ask if she'll add him to her plan, to which she says yes.
I grab the phone he wants and begin the process of adding it to the plan and setting everything up. The WHOLE time, He is making googly eyes at me and flirting heavily while a friend is just sitting there giggling like Beavis. I'm remaining professional and ignoring the flirting, which consisted of compliments to my appearance, calling his wife an old ball & chain, asking me out to dinner, and telling me to make sure I put MY number in his new phone. Bear in mind this guy was at least twice my age and I was in my mid-30s at the time. To top it all off, he didn't even have enough money to pay so he calls his wife again and has her pay over the phone with her credit card.
I was completely disgusted, especially since I had just spoken to his very sweet wife and she clearly loved this creep and took care of him. I desperately wanted to kick him in his old balls but I just gave him b!tchface and clipped answers to everything he said and finished up as fast as I could. Thankfully we had people waiting to be helped, so I was able to shoo them out and move on but man, I was SO tempted to call his wife back and tell her exactly what kind of piece of shit she was married to. I wish I had.
I've got a decent amount of animals - some fish, turtles, dogs, etc. - but out of all of them, Optimus Prime is definitely *my* pet.
He's kind of a jerk to everyone else, but a with me he's a the biggest bestest beefaroni boy.
That is an outright lie, this dog is awfully behaved and taught himself how to open doors so he stays letting mosquitos in the house and air conditioning all of South Florida instead of just my living room. I just have a soft spot for him.
But here's the thing - soft spot or not, if someone offered me $50k for this dog, my reaction wouldn't be horror because I just love my "shmoopies" and even can't imagine. I'm not that privileged.
I grew up poor, believe me I've imagined $50k a lot. "Shmoops" might get voted off the island when $50k keeps your babies safe and housed. Relax, animal lovers. Optimus Prime is in no danger of going anywhere.
Nobody is tryna pay $50k to be headbutted and farted at all day.
That fact is precisely why my reaction to someone offering me cash for him would be straight up suspicion.
Optimus is a big beautiful male pit bull with so much muscle that he has abs on his butt.
He doesn't have any official papers, and he's fixed so he can't be used for breeding.
He's not a therapy dog and doesn't do any special tricks (on purpose) and in the time it took me to write this intro he farted so loudly that he scared himself awake and then got so excited by the sudden wake up that he did 3 bunny bounces. It's clear this would not be a high-skilled-labor kind of hire, ya know?
So why would someone want to spend that much money on this dog specifically?
I'd be suspicious that anyone willing to drop serious money on him was going to try to use his size and strength in dog fights and THAT is not gonna fly with me. Not a chance.
The person offering would have to convince me that they're willing to spend that much money on a giant dumb pit bull for some non-fighting reason and that he would have a dope life. Maybe I'd say yes because they sincerely believe he's the reincarnated spirit of their college bro who died in a horrific skiing accident, and they need to take him on a cross country road trip to fulfill the last thing on their bromantic bucket list?
Reddit user spondgbob asked:
"If someone offered you $50,000 to buy your pet, how would you respond?"
Here's what Reddit has to say.
"I'd tell them to meet me outside the local PetSmart in an hour and then rush there and buy a hamster or something."
"Kind of my only option since I don't have a pet."
"You sir, are playing 3D chess while the rest of us are all playing checkers."
"Made me think for a second because my immediate answer is no but upon thinking about it, and how badly I need the money, the answer is still no."
"Irrational love is crazy."
"I could desperately use that money and there's nothing special about my cats. Took a moment to realize it's completely irrational but I could never part with these idiots."
"The harder question after this is at what price point, if any, would you do it?"
Everything Has A Price
"Everything has a price, and they’re in luck that the price for my blind, deaf, arthritic dog happens to be $50k"
"I mean $50k is $50k."
"Like I get that some people view pets as family, good for them. I don't, so as long as they weren't gonna torture the animal or something, then 100% would do it."
" 'You may have the one that runs from it's own poo after it sh*ts' "
"Had a cat get spooked while sh*tting... when it finished he managed to nuke 4 rooms :( "
"I call what my dog does a 'poop-about.' "
"Like a walk-about, but she is pooping as she waddles around the yard sniffing rocks and stuff. She's a weird critter and I love her more than anything."
"One of my earliest memory is having a blast farting in the bathtub... and then..."
"Don't make fun of your pet, your own poop can be very scary and we deserve love no less than more courageous creatures."
"Give it to them."
"I love my aquarium and fish in it. But I could build a sweet aquarium set up with $50k."
"Exactly! I wouldn't sell my dog but I'd give my aquariums away for 50k."
"One of them is a custom that a built a background for and I'd still give it away for 50k."
"Yeah, I would sell my cat in a heartbeat. Call me a narcissist I guess."
"Good thing I dont have kids."
"I'll take the $100,000 in cash."
"50k to give him to you and another 50k to take him back tomorrow when you've finally reached your limit and can't keep him anymore."
"My dog has his own spirit animal, and that spirit animal is a bag of dicks."
"My dog has separation anxiety and a powerful set of lungs."
"I have to drop him off at my mom's house on the way to work so he can be with someone familiar or else he'll be howling all day. He sounds like a dying bison."
"I'm talking loud enough to hear inside your house half a block away. While he's *inside* my house!"
"My kitty is old at this point and I worry now. Someone willing to pay $50k for her probably has the money to take care of medical needs that will be coming soon. That's money I dont have."
"I love her, she has been my family for 17 years now, but if she gets sick reality is I'm gonna have to get her put down probably. She'd have a better chance with someone rich to spoil her at the end."
"I'm shocked by everyone saying they'd do it?!"
"If someone is willing to pay that much, just imagine the sick sh*t they are planning on doing. No way I could live with myself."
"Would you sell your kid? You can get a lot more than 50k for one of them..."
"I have a hard time believing someone willing to sell a dog for a 'lot of money' wouldn't be tempted to or actually sell a child."
"It's alooooot of money for children, so if money is the motivator...."
"My a$$hole cat is a jerk, but family. Though I would expect a lot of push to sell him since he is mean to everyone with only rare moments of niceness."
"Plus they whoever got him would likely kill him."
"He is allergic to fish, can't wear a collar even a breakaway one (somehow almost strangled himself twice), sits in the middle of the road if he escapes, eats the random stuff on the ground, randomly attacks people (full on claws, teeth- goes for the veins usually breaks skin and causes a bruise), has diseases, and goes after other animals in the house regardless of size."
"I hate it and get mad at my boyfriend every time he says it, but he jokes that natural selection is trying its best with my cat. He's kind of right."
"He is untrainable and awful, but incredibly cute and everyone wants to pet him (but quickly learn not to go near him.) At least he does not attack kids 5 and under though."
"I wanted to name him lil Napoleon as he is perpetually ready for a battle and a short legged munchkin. I took him in from my sister but couldn't change his name so it became my nickname for him."
Get Over It
"It is a beta fish that we have had for six days. The kids are currently celebrating it still being alive because they accidentally killed our first fish in about six hours."
"Suffice to say, I’m pretty sure we can get them over it."
"Yes please on the $50,000."
Time to be honest with yourself—would you do it?
What would your reaction be?
Let's argue in the comments!
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Two years ago I steamed a hole in my belly with a hot water bottle that was slightly open.
I didn't feel myself literally cooking because I have nerve damage in the area, but I still have a quarter-sized circular scar as proof!
I've got lots of scars, but my lobster steam stamp is one of my newer additions so it's kind of a fan favorite right now.
Reddit user jeffcarpthefisheater asked:
"Hey, how did you get that scar?"
and Reddit was collectively like :
"Yes, I would like to tell the story of the time I maimed myself and/or was maimed, thanks for asking!"
It's story time, fam.
Sinus Strugglesfriends tv runny nose GIFGiphy
"They cut across the top of my head, ear to ear, peeled the top of my face down, carved out my frontal sinuses like a pumpkin lid, put me back together, and stapled me shut."
"Repeated sinus infections in the frontal sinuses. Hard to treat."
"My childhood cat gave me a diagonal scar across my chest when I was 5 or so."
"She had jumped from my lap and slipped a bit, the scratch was from her back paws. I was sad when it faded many years later."
"Hmm, I should check something ... brb ... Hey, my boob scar from my cat is still there!"
"That genuinely makes me happy since she passed away more than ten years ago."
"I've got another one from her on my inner elbow. Both are from the one single time I had to give her a bath because she was having an allergic reaction to a flea medication."
"She was Very Displeased with the situation."
Carrying A Torch
"My twin brother accidentally took a blowtorch across my forearm while cutting metal in metals class in high school."
"I was cutting some square tubing in shop class with a cutting torch."
"I cut it just fine ... and then immediately picked it up, burning a square into my palm."
Samurai Shenaniganssamurai GIFGiphy
"From a samurai sword."
"It was the first time I'd ever been around people my age drinking. A friend of mine took a fake swing at me; I grabbed the blade reflexively, he yanked it out of my hand."
"Cut pretty deep, hurt like a b*tch."
"But how many people today have scars caused by samurai swords?"
"I also have a samurai sword scar!!"
"Mines on my right knuckle as the hand guards did not do anything for guarding my inexperienced hands. Nearly completely severed the tendon."
"I was sober and in high school."
"Got severely burned by a wild berry pop tart."
"I was very young maybe 7-8. I was sitting on the counter and when I pulled the pop tart out of the toaster, the frosting was so hot it was bubbling."
"I dropped it out of reflex and it landed frosting side down on my leg. I remember brushing it off and my skin melted off with it."
"I had to go to the emergency room."
"Now 15 years later and I still have the scars on my leg, no hair grows where it was burned."
"No one told me poptarts could turn hostile. I was so young and naive, innocent to the world and the horrors it possesses."
"Wild berry pop tart showed me pain, showed me torture, scarred me for life. I shall never forget, and I shall never forgive."
"That's why I stick to domesticated Pop-Tarts."
The Foam PitFlying Major Air GIF by Nitro CircusGiphy
"My legs are all kinds of f*cked up."
"I lost track of which scars came from where, but the ones on my right leg are the gnarliest and those I definitely remember."
"A couple of years ago a friend of mine took me to an indoor bike park. Ramps and jumps and a pump track. It was a lot of fun."
"Well he talked me into going off of this big jump into a foam pit; the kind where you can practice tricks without getting hurt. Well.....I got hurt."
"I landed in the foam pit. It's just that the bike landed there first and I landed directly on top of the bike. Despite the foam padding I ripped my leg to shreds on the pedals."
"Blood everywhere. Thankfully no stitches."
"I'm glad my girlfriend at the time was a nurse."
A Cyst On My Spine
"Back surgery to remove a bone cyst on my spine."
"It was squeezing my spinal cord and I could barely walk. That resulted in two surgeries, about a 10" scar down my back, another long one under my armpit (part of the work meant collapsing my lung so they could get to stuff), and a small one on my hip that a bone graft came from."
"My surgeon was great. He rebuilt 2 vertebrae from the grafts, bolted everything together, and I wore a full torso brace for half a year."
"At my last checkup, he said he didn't want to see me again, which I was happy to oblige."
Power Ranger Practice
"It was the summer of 1994..."
"I was a Power Ranger practicing some killer ninja moves on the bed in my grandparents' guest bedroom. My head smashed into the ceiling light fixture and one of the shards got me in the leg and sliced it open."
Pizza Rolls And Harry PotterSeason 6 Reaction GIF by FriendsGiphy
"Drunkenly decided a French knife was the proper tool for opening Pizza Rolls. It wasn't."
"So I stop with the pizza rolls and grip my finger, now dripping with blood, all the way to the bathroom. I patched it up in the bathroom and went to go lie down on the couch. Except I never made it."
"Woke up on the floor to my roommates shaking me awake, saying that they 'heard a sound and called out, but got concerned' when I didn't answer them."
"I had turned the corner into the living room too quickly in my stupor and smashed my forehead into the 90⁰ angle of my doorframe. Knocked myself out."
"I cosplay Harry Potter every day now. And yeah, the finger scarred, too."
"Drunken munchies made me fight my house and my house won. Two scars, one bad decision."
You're up, folks. Tell us how you got that scar.
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Have you ever heard of a certain job that people call a career and thought... "PEOPLE PAY YOU FOR THAT?!?!"
All hard, honest work is good work.
And then there is just trash work.
And I don't mean garbage collection, that is honest work.
I don't know how some people live with themselves.
Redditor MrTuxedo1 wanted to discuss the careers they don't believe people should chase. They asked:
"What job do you have no respect for?"
Ticket scalpers. How do you the audacity to say that's a job?
Actual burglars have more empathy.
DisrespectfulOut Of Office Summer GIF by Merge MansionGiphy
"There are debt collectors who call relatives of the deceased to pay off their debts when they are not legally obligated to."
"Australian Real Estate Agents. Laws don't seem to apply to them. Just as dodgy in sales and rentals alike. Never seen anything like it overseas."
"I'm in the US, it can vary state by state but my state is pretty strict on realtor laws. Some states require attorney review and there are definitely penalties for being reported for shady sh*t. It does require consumer reporting though."
"Where I live, tax info was leaked and now scammers are targeting low income individuals/families (people earning under 30,000 per year) with etransfer scams. I got one the other day that was an etransfer warning that 240$ 'a family member sent me' was about to expire."
"That’s disgusting. The scammers know what they’re doing, they know the harm they cause people and yet they don’t care."
Should be illegal...
"MLM managers. Not the low level idiots that get suckered into it, they suck too for trying to bring new people into that sh*tshow, but the people who create them know exactly what they are doing and are pretty much the only ones who profit off of it. Should be illegal. Pyramid schemes are illegal. None of them ever get the just desserts except occasionally by vigilantes I assume."
I hate debt collectors. Yeah, you calling me one hundred times a week is going to miraculously make money appear.
"I met Jack Gleeson (King Joffrey from Game of Thrones) at a bus stop in Dublin. Really nice guy but he said he quit acting due to people being nasty online and constant hounding from paparrazi. He's happier now but it sucks that he was pushed away from a career he was quite good at."
"The pastors at mega churches whom ask their followers for money for private jets. Absolute scum to abuse others faith for your own greed."
"Brian Tamaki is a greedy freaking pig, he takes advantage of so many people who are already struggling. Every time he’s in the local news (which btw is often) I get more and more pissed off at him and his wife. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brian_Tamaki "
it’s a thing???
“'Dating Expert.' Sadly it’s a thing. It’s basically a self appointed title that requires no training or qualifications. What’s worse, is that I have a female friend who uses one. It’s very much a blind leading the blind situation."
"Most of the self proclaimed “dating coaches” I know are women in their late 30s or early 40s who have never been married or had a longer relationship."
"Poachers. Especially big game poachers who purposefully hunt nearly extinct animals from species they know they are on the brink."
"I know there are poachers that come from rural villages who are trying to just put food on the table, which has my sympathy but poachers who come from money and hunt down animals minding their business in most shelters or restricted areas just to put a head on their wall as a trophy are absolutely heinous."
I See It Allmiss cleo fraud GIFGiphy
"Psychic Mediums. Specifically those who prey on the grieving."
"I've always found it interesting how many magicians go after people like this. I think it's because they know what it takes to trick people for the art. The slight of hand and mentalism. And they abhor people who use these tactics for such sh*tty purposes."
I want so bad to believe in psychics and mediums. What say we on that topic?
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The nose is constantly being attacked by odors of the world.
Going through one day without having to hold my breath during a certain point, is a miracle.
Of course, I'm a New Yorker, so I maybe exaggerating for people in the countryside.
What's funnier is odors that are pleasant, that shouldn't be.
Have you ever looked and something and thought... "yuck."
But then you smelled it and it was like... "oh lovely,"
Redditor HappQueue wanted to know what aromas are arousing to the senses that may come as a surprise to many. They asked:
"What smells good but shouldn't?"
For some odd reason I love the things burning. Anything, food, pots, pans. You name it. Weird.
Blowfire burning GIFGiphy
"Matches/candles on a birthday cake. I remember lighting matches as a kid purely to blow them out and inhale that sweet match-y smell."
"I work at a Chemical plant. We make a highly acidic product that is dark blue, viscus, highly corrosive, and smells exactly like Fruit Loops. It is incredibly disturbing."
"Organic chemistry has many 'guilty good' smells. Thiophosgene (sulfur derivative of a chemical weapon used extensively in WW1) apparently smells like meat. Phosgene is used to make polycarbonate, thiophosgene is used to make some sulfur-containing molecules which eventually end up in therapeutic drugs."
I can't huff it...
"Paint, specifically house paint. I love the smell. But anytime I hear that anyone is painting a room or their house, I volunteer. I just love sitting on the floor in a room that's been freshly painted, closing my eyes and just inhaling that slightly chemically, slightly creamy aroma."
A Hint of French...
"A fish and chips shop burnt down as couple blocks from work a few years ago. The whole neighborhood smelled amazing for days. Just the slight hint of French fries. Nothing overpowering. It was so awesome. Until I found out someone was trapped in the fire and died."
DragDrag Racing Vegas GIF by Don Schumacher RacingGiphy
"Race fuel. Instantly puts me in a good mood as it reminds me of going to the drag races with my dad when I was young."
Fuel and matches get me too. And they sort of go together. Interesting.
Just like the Movie...Johnny Depp Drinking GIFGiphy
"The water from the Pirates of the Caribbean ride. Mmm, bromine."
"This is one of my favorite scents of all time, and Disney is very aware that people enjoy it. Evidently it’s a lot harder to recreate than just adding bromine to water."
"There's a chicken wing restaurant near my house that has a challenge sauce called "black widow." The owner claims it to be around 500,000 scovilles. A few years back some buddies and I decided to try them, the sauce was a dark molasses color and smelled almost like a BBQ sauce, no hint of the danger that lurked at all. We each grabbed one wing and it went terribly. I don't know how something so spicy could smell so innocent."
"Hotel/rented rooms whenever you go on vacation. There's this particular smell that just says 'you are on vacation,' especially on a beach/swimming trips/out-of-the-town vacays."
"Bath and Body Works has a plug-in scent called Endless Weekend that replicates that scent (to my humble nose)."
"Someone you are attracted to's body odors. Anyone else who is slightly unhygienic smells repulsive."
"I remember back in high school a girl leaned over, sniffed me, told me that I smelled really good, and asked me what cologne I was wearing. I asked if she was joking, and she's like, no, you smell really good. When I told her I had just gotten done with gym class, she gets a small 'oh no...' look on her face and turns away. I think we both had a revelation that day."
That SmellSmell It Season 6 GIF by This Is UsGiphy
"The smell inflatable things give off. I have no idea how to describe it, but it’s… nostalgic? to me."
I do love the smell of plastics and inflatables. Ahh....
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