Happy move-in day!! Who cried this time? You, your mom, or the RA?
It's always hard to say goodbye to your child. We get it. But sometimes it's like...hey, mom? You gotta go. Dad? You need to leave. Exit is that way. Please. Be on your way.
u/hubbertpuff asked Reddit:
In honour of Move-In Day, RAs of Reddit, what's the worst parent/student separation you've seen?
Here were some of the answers.
Forever Yours
Mom thought she would be able to live with her daughter in the dorms. Upon being told that wasn't possible, she withdrew the daughter, and they both went back home.
Gooooodbye
In a helicopter parenting situation, I had left my phone number at a desk for a desk attendant one night I was on duty. A resident saw this, my personal number, and gave it to his Dad.
Dad calls me and immediately starts yelling that there is a leak in his son's bathroom ceiling and piss has been leaking through it.
"Okay; how long?" "For a week." "Has he done anything? Notified anyone?" "You're the RA, you're supposed to know."
Dad chews me out for ten more minutes. I check out the kid's room. He's got towels all over the bathroom floor. I look up at the ceiling. Super light leak, definitely not piss. I tell him so and tell him to file a maintenance request. He demands that I do it for him. I point him in the right direction, but he's a big boy, so no. He demands to know if what I know is water is piss. I casually ask why he let what he thought was piss leak into his apartment for a week. As I go to leave, he tells me he's going to demand that the university pay for his ruined (read: wet, the function of) towels and he wants my contact info to file a complaint. I nod, give him the info, and leave.
His Dad calls me a day later, but I had spoken to my boss the night before.
"Hi I'm calling on behalf of—" "Yes I know, sir, but I'm an RA and I handle students' problems. If he wants my attention, he can call me himself. Otherwise, I don't report to you. Have a nice day, sir. Delete my number."
Take The Hint
GiphyBeen an RA for 3 years now. Every year, without fail, there's always THAT family that helps their kid move in on Sunday and then stays the ENTIRE freshman orientation week until school actually starts the next Monday. Except the freshmen obviously have activities to go to all throughout the week so the parents, who can't accompany their kids to the activities, sit around either in the kid's room or in the lobby of the dorm. It drives me crazy. Last year was particularly bad, with an entire family of mom, dad, siblings, cousins, etc all camped out in the dorm's lobby for a week.
The university seemed to pick up on the fact that this is a problem, because this year they introduced a new event into orientation week: a "good-bye" lunch specifically for parents to give them the hint it is time to leave.
Two Strangers
Oddest story I had was had one room that had completely different roommates. Not like goth and yacht club odd couple sort of thing but two different away from home experiences. One had been in a boarding school for years and was laid back. Second was a homeschooler with drill Sargent dad and doting Mom.
The laid back resident's parents didn't even show up. I asked him if he came alone and he said his parents were in town but wanted to avoid the chaos and would say goodbye tomorrow. Second resident almost seemed dazed when his parents left. His dad told him to stay in college (like an order) while Mom cried and took forever to leave.
Next day I check in on both. One was gone. The homeschooled one had moved out, drove a few hours and had arrived at his house twenty minutes after his parents did (a fellow student in the dorm was from the same town and even same church which is how we found out).
The parents of the remaining resident showed up the next day, asked where their sons room was at. I told them and they thanked me. then asked if the freshmen had events planned or were they free for dinner because they wanted to take their son and his new roommate out for dinner...
Late Twenties
When I was an RA in 2014-2015, one of my residents was 27-28 and was still having a hard time moving out of the house, but not because of her emotions. Her parents came over every night for dinner (they were over an hour away) and kept on trying to get her to drop out and move back home. It became really hard for her. It got to the point where she asked me and the other RAs to tell her parents that she was out when they came to see her. They got mad since the first time we had to tell them that. She said she didn't know what she was going to do after the school year ended but that she didn't want to move back home, she just wanted to be free from them.
Big Brother Parenting
GiphyEngineering school , 1970's. Mom dropped her kid off at his dorm and drives away. Yes, pushed his suitcase and a few boxes out of the car. Told Junior goodbye, study hard, and left.
Junior was 15 freaking years old, super genius child prodigy with zero social skills.
His roommates were horrified, but most of them had little brothers, so big brother parenting kicked in. The kid was pretty well socialized by the end of the first semester, and had a collection of de facto big brothers and big sisters helping him live life.
It was a relief, because as a house counselor I was really worried I was going to have a bad situation on my hands. I did not need to do anything at all.
Not an RA, but a friend's dorm had the worst case of parent/student separation I've ever seen.
See, there wasn't any. At least if the mother had her way.
The day after move-in the girl's mother showed up in the middle of the day and asked for keys to the daughter's room.
Yeah, no.
Then she wanted someone to come with her upstairs and let her in. She was only there to get her daughter's dirty clothing! Why can't she do that?!
Still no.
After 20 minutes of arguing the woman left a note and told the poor guy at the front desk that it wasn't the last he'd heard from her.
When the student was informed she seemed totally embarrassed, apologized for her mother, and said it wouldn't happen again.
Two days later the woman came back at 5:30am in the morning, shoulder-surfed the pass code to the building, and then, when her child wouldn't answer calls from the lobby phone, snuck upstairs when one of the residents was leaving.
Woke up the entire (wrong) floor of people by banging at the door to an empty room and eventually got escorted out by my friend and Public Safety.
"But I just wanted to take my baaaaaby out to breakfast!" / "How am I going to know she's eating right if I don't?!" / "I'm her mother, and I pay for everything, so you can't make me leave!" / "I'm going to sue you! You're trying to keep me from my baaaaaby!!!"
Public Safety kept someone in the lobby 24/7 for the next three weeks. It would have only been a few days, but scuttlebutt was that she tried twice more, including once in 'disguise'. (Sunglasses, a baseball hat, and a set of University sweats.)
Ashley's Mom...She's Got It Going On
This was over a decade ago. Mom and dad move their daughter onto my floor. Most parents arrive and leave within 3-4 hours. This family were one of the first to arrive at 8:30 when "the doors opened" and spent the morning decorating. I was busy so I said "Hi" and kept on trucking.
They took their daughter out for lunch and got back at like 2pm - very nice send off so far.
At 4pm they were still there. The room was decorated, the daughter and dad were just awkwardly sitting there not sure what to do, but the mom was fussing back and forth around the tiny dorm room.
At 6pm I was rounding up anyone who wasn't already down for dinner to make sure the introverts didn't just hide in their rooms on the first night. This family was still sitting in this room together.
So, I said, "Hey we're all going down for dinner, Ashley, would you like to join us?"
Her mom answered, "Well, we're still sort of getting set up here, so..."
Seeing what was happening I said, "Well, move-in hours expired an hour ago, and we're a little strict about visitors, as you can understand. Why don't you guys say your goodbyes, and Ashley can meet us downstairs?"
The mom non-committaly said, "ok we'll see" But I had like 10 other people with me so I couldn't wait around.
I got back to my floor at 8pm - they were still there - almost 12 hours now. I was trying to be polite and compassionate for the mom, but I told them the parents would either need a visitors pass (for staying the night) if they wanted to stay any longer. The mom didn't say anything to me but confirmed she'd heard the message.
About 20 minutes later the parents left. I talked to Ashley and she said her mom is really overbearing. I introduced her to some other girls who might run in the same cliques, and she settled in really well after that.
This mom ended up being my f*cking nightmare for the first two months of that semester.
Ignored Texts And Calls
GiphyI think the worst was the over protective mother. She constantly called her son, who ended up not answering after the third call of the day.
Mom would then call his RA, who would go to the students room and tell him to call his mom. If he didn't do this she called the RA again and had this repeat.
It hit its climax when the mother couldn't get her son or the RA on the line and called the office in a fit of panic that her son had done drugs and died. No, he was just playing pool and ignored his phone.
I think the Director of Housing stepped in at that point, we didn't hear anything after that.
Bye Bye Bigot
My RA time was the early 90's. The worst I saw was a guy who cried for four days after his mom dropped him off. It was the first time he had been away from home and had been extremely sheltered and couldn't handle being alone. It took a while but his roommate was friendly and a genuinely nice guy and he helped him acclimate.
The second wasn't necessarily separation issues but a fight between a father and the roommate. His son was heterosexual and he and his dad were both strict Christian and macho stereotypical jock types. He saw the posters that his roommate had up, mostly muscley men in speedos and musical posters. They both went ballistic and started harassing the poor kid. He stood up for himself and they jumped him. It took me, the other RA and three other guys from the floor to pull them off. We ended up kicking him out of the dorm and he was reprimanded by the university.
Apparating Parents
My brother and I both went to college far from home, and he's a year older. So my folks didn't drop me off at school, they helped us pack a UHaul and my bro dropped me off w my stuff on the curb. I did sign-in, orientation etc alone. If that sounds rough, don't worry. I wanted to be SO Grown Up going to college far away so that's exactly what I got and I figured everything out.
My friend though. She went to the same college, also far from her folks on purpose. Her mom was very sweet and well meaning, but clingy and needy. Her mom dropped her off, crying etc... and then proceeded to randomly appear on campus throughout the semester. Like out of the blue, unannounced, on a random Thursday or whatever.
The woman had a job. She lived over 12 hour away. How did she manage this?! To this day I can't understand the basic logistics. She would appear in my friends room at like 7am "because class starts at 8!" Oh yes, she had my friends class schedules memorized, and her due dates for major assignments etc. This does not even start to address the phone calls... this was before texting was a thing.
My friend could not escape. Eventually she dropped out and went home... not entirely due to her mom, but it certainly didn't help. Just the complete discord of this woman's lovely, stifling presence, every time my friend felt like she was finally getting her sh*t together, mom swooped in and pulled the rug out from under her. Again.
East Side West Side
GiphyThis is my coworker's story, but she told me and laughed at herself. It's wholesome and I'll share.
Her daughter went to a local college. The campus is about 45 minutes away from the coworker's house down one of the main roads in our area. So, she and her husband packed the daughter up one August day and dropped her off. She said that she and her daughter were standing, crying and hugging, and there was another mother/daughter pair engaged in a similarly emotional good bye near them.
Later that night, her daughter called to let her know that the other mom/daughter were from CA. We're in PA. It was then that my coworker realized she was being ridiculous.
My Fifth Roommate
So I'm not an RA and this was actually in the student apartment housing, but I do have one from my sophomore year! I scrambled last minute to find a place to live close to campus at the end of freshman year. Found this place that seemed pretty decent, 309$ a month free internet and cable. They would pair you with 3 other people in a 4br apartment. One of the dudes I ended up with seemed okay at first(26 yo grad student), but things turned probably 3 weeks into living with him. I'd wake up at 3 or 4am and go out to the kitchen to get a drink and heard him on the phone. Didn't think much of it, figured it was probably a long distance relationship thing "miss you" "can't wait to see you" all that. Turns out he was talking to his mom. Shortly after she started coming and staying with him every game day weekend. Get there Friday morning first thing and not leave until Tuesday or Wednesday. You'd think it would stop when football season was over, but you'd be wrong lol. It hadn't stopped up until I'd moved out. From what the other roommates told me who had lived with him before, it's something they've done since his freshman year
Drunky Dad
My roommate's parents took way too long helping him move in and it got to a point where we all started partying despite them still being there. His dad had about 3-6 beers (and probably a few tokes of weed while nobody was watching) as his wife nitpicked over really arbitrary decorative details. They finally leave and we're all making jokes about how they stayed too long, thank god they finally left, now we can go nuts, etc. Nothing mean spirited, just friendly har-hars at the situation, since they were super nice people.
At this point, my roommate is f*cked up, things are in full swing and lo-in-behold, we see his dad navigating his way through the crowds of people.
Apparently, he was in no shape to drive, his wife was furious and refused to drive, so he needed to borrow a laptop to make hotel reservations for the night. Everyone is drunk trying to help by making hotel suggestions, which app to use for bookings, which deal to take advantage of, etc. and this guy wants to listen to everyone. So in the end, my roommate's mom is sitting in the car parked outside the frat house at 8pm on party night while his dad shoots the sh*t with a bunch of college kids about where to stay.
One...Two...Ten...Forty Missed Calls?
GiphyI had a pretty embarrassing thing happen with my mom in college. I'm an only child so my mom has always been a bit overprotective and it probably didn't help that she and my dad got divorced the year before, so this separation was probably hard for her. Anyway, my friends as me if I wanted to come with them to the Target that was like 30 minutes away. I said sure, but I ended up forgetting my phone in my room. We go to Target and then grab a bite to eat on the eat back, so the whole trip took probably like 2 or 3 hours. I get back to my took and check my phone and see I have like 30 missed calls and a bunch of voicemails from my mom. I call her back and she tells me that she's at the college waiting in parking lot. Apparently she was worried that I wasn't answering my phone in the middle of the day and thought something bad had happened, so she drove the hour and half up to make sure everything was okay.
Homebody!
Not an RA, but I had a friend who brought a huge amount of stuff with her. And that wasn't all! Every time I went over to say hi or ran into her or just went past her dorm, it turned out her dad has left to go get something else. And I mean she brought normal move-in stuff - sheets, a comforter, her laptop, sketchbooks - but she also brought like 60 shirts (for a quarter that was 10 weeks in length), a large storage shelf thing that went over her bed, an over the toilet shelf thing, several other pieces of furniture, SO MANY BINS. It's like she was moving into an apartment and not a freshman dorm room. I'm not sure when her parents eventually left, but she went up to visit them nearly every weekend (for the ENTIRE four years). For our first year, my mom lived locally and I didn't even visit her that often, even though it was only like a 30 minute drive vs my friend's 6 hour drive.
I still get really baffled thinking of all that stuff she brought with her, and kept every year, and she'd always comment on how big my room was when she visited. I couldn't point out it's because my room just had the school-provided furniture and a mini-fridge instead of like 5 extra pieces of furniture (also nobody would believe me when I'd say it just looks bigger because I put my bed lengthwise against one of the walls instead of having both beds with their short sides on the wall, jutting into the middle of the floor).
Anyway besides that, I don't remember there being too much parent/student separation drama. It was mostly pretty normal deals with parents helping carry in suitcases, going out to lunch, and then leaving. And everybody I saw always had normal amounts of stuff that wouldn't take up 3/4 of the dorm room on its own!
Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.
Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?
But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.
It would be so great to be sure there is something else.
But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.
Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:
"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"
Sensations
Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."
PeachesnPain
Recovery
"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."
"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."
"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."
good_golly99
Take Me Back
"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."
"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."
rayrayrayray
Free
The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."
TooReDTooHigh
This is why I hate surgery.
You just never know.
Shocked
Giphy"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."
Admirable_Buyer6528
The SOB
"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."
"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”
1-cupcake-at-a-time
Colors
"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"
Hannah_LL7
"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"
huntokarrr
The Fog
"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."
"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."
Fluffy-Hotel-5184
Through the Walls
"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."
"She's quite alive and well today."
Hot-Refrigerator6583
Well let's all be happy to be alive.
It seems to be all we have.
Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.
The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.
Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.
Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:
"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"
Redditors didn't see these coming.
Shiver Me Timbers
"I’m always cold now!"
– Telrom_1
"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."
– r7ndom
"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."
– mr_remy
Drawing Concern
"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."
– dee-fondy
"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"
"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."
– LizardofDeath
Unleashing Insults
"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”
"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."
– alanamablamaspama
Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight
"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."
– KeltarCentauri
"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."
– KatMagic1977
"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."
– Jaew96
These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.
Shopping
"I can buy clothes in any store I want."
– WaySavvyD
"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."
– ganache98012
No More Symptoms
"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."
– colleennicole93
Expanding Capabilities
"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."
– Ramblonius
People Change Their Tune
"How much nicer people are to you."
"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"
– LiZZygsu
"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"
"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"
– awholedamngarden
It's gonna take some getting used to.
Bones Everywhere
"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."
– Princess-Pancake-97
"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."
– bekastrange
Knee Pillow
"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."
– snic2030
"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."
– Strongbad23
More Mobility
"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."
"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."
– dma1965
People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.
But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.
That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.