Anyone with any amount of dating experience knows at least a few things that they love in a relationship and a few things they find unsavory.
Just like discovering our boundaries and what qualifies as a relationship deal breaker, most of us generally have a few rules that we tend to live by in every relationship, whether it's romantic, platonic, or professional.
Curious to learn some rules to live by, Redditor aytmamatov_musa asked:
"What relationship rule have you memorized forever?"
Actions Speak Louder than Words
"I can't remember the exact wording, but something to the effect of: Pay more attention to how invested your partner is in the relationship, not how much they say they are."
- why_im_single
Know Who Holds the Power
"I remember when I first realized that the person who has the most control in a relationship (especially ending it) is the person that cares about the relationship the least."
"When I thought of all the relationships that I had been in (not just sexual) and how one person decided sometimes months ahead of time that the relationship was over, I remember how oblivious the other person was when it ended."
"By the way, this can also be applied to employment relationships as well."
- Mo_Jack
Don't Fight for Someone's Attention
"If someone does not want to hear you, there is no way you can phrase anything to make them listen."
"This applies to all types of relationships, but I learned it from trying so hard to have a healthy relationship with my mother. Then when I left at 25, she responded by filing a missing person's report, hiring a PI (Personal Investigator), harassing my friends, and hacking my email and bank accounts to monitor my activity."
"This also ties into: abusers see you taking away their ability to abuse you, as an egregious theft of their rightful property."
- CurrentSingleStatus
Be a United Front
"Problems aren’t You vs Me. They’re Us vs The Problem."
- FilecakeAbroad
No Codependent Relationships Here
"You cannot help someone who does not want to be helped."
- Diesel07012012
Be Honest About Your Feelings
"Listen to how you describe your partner to friends, or how you think at the moment how you're describing your partner to them. That will tell you a lot about how you feel about them."
"If you're nervous about introducing them, listen to why. If you're apologizing for their actions, pausing to reframe positive ways to speak about them, or ignoring the red flags, then listen to that instinct. If you're constantly talking about the problems or hiding them, pay attention to why."
"I remember being in one relationship and having those feelings of, 'Should I introduce her to the family, when I talk to others about her, I'm exhausted from some argument, etc.'"
"I remember another relationship, thinking, 'Oh, I would love her to meet the family, she'd get along with everyone's kids, my friends would love her, I just had this great moment with her, and I wanted to tell people about it, I enjoy talking about her.'"
"When you experience that difference (and you have the wisdom and experience to know you're not being deluded by things like abuse or newness or getting caught up in a big fire that's going to burn out fast), it tells you so much."
- ConvenienceStoreDiet
Be Mindful of Reciprocation
"Something a friend of mine once told me was, 'Always ask yourself if this relationship isn't taking more from you than it is giving you.'"
"It saved me a lot of heartbreak."
- Interferonno2fan
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
"If they don’t respect your boundaries while dating, they won’t respect them in marriage."
- Rachel1578
Cheaters Gonna Cheat
"My best mate got with a woman who cheated on her then-boyfriend to be with him. Then my mate and she stayed together for four years, but she ended up cheating on him with another guy that she is now dating."
"I warned him in the beginning and advised him not to get into a relationship with her to start with. If she can do it with one guy, she can do it with another."
"His argument was that her then-boyfriend was not good enough for her which was why she is cheating on him. But what he failed to realize was that no one is the best in the world, and if she decides that he isn’t good enough for her in the future, then she will cheat on him too. And that is exactly what happened."
- dp9116
Acknowledge Red Flags
"Red flags look like normal flags when wearing rose-colored glasses."
- Mezame_Drgn
Common Interests Aren't Everything
"Having a lot in common doesn’t equal a good relationship. It’s just a decent starting foundation."
- ironicallyunstable
Don't Go to Bedroom Angry - Or Do?
"I wouldn't say forever, yet, but since becoming a wife, I have learned that it's okay to sleep off a fight. Don't have to 'resolve' everything right then and there. Give each other space to let steam off and talk in the morning."
- beanedjibe
Be Loved for Who You Are
"Do not change your personality if you don't want to... I didn't realize until the breakup, that my ex did not like me, just the idea of what I could be..."
- Bethedr
Know the Difference
"When an argument comes out of nowhere, ask 'Are you yelling at me, or to me?'"
"It's helped with a lot of arguments. Sometimes we just need a backboard to scream at, and nine out of ten times, that backboard is your significant other."
"A lot of arguments get bad just because they don't know you are releasing anger, which is healthy in the right way."
- spenser1994
Some of these seem pretty simple, but they can make a huge impact in a relationship, if not also to the trajectory and health of a person's life. By understanding our own worth and how it's valued by others, we gave give ourselves a much happier ever after than we might have otherwise settled for.
People Break Down What They'd Do If The Internet Shut Down Tomorrow
Reddit user Samuelwankenobi_ asked 'If the internet shut down tomorrow, what do you do?'
As quickly as the internet and social media came onto the scene, many people can still remember what it was like before the internet was so prevalent, or at least when people were first getting acclimated to it.
Thinking back, they entertained the idea of the internet going away again, and the results were eye-opening.
Redditor Samuelwankenobi_ asked:
"If the internet shut down tomorrow, what do you do?"
Looking for Work
"I would probably have to look for a job."
- alwaysworks
"Almost all business now depends on the internet, including payment networks, infrastructure, etc..."
- trancecircuit
Be Kind; Rewind
"Step 1. Make some phone calls."
"Step 2. Open a new form of Blockbuster. People are going to want their movies and shows that they can't stream anymore."
"Step 3. Profit."
- ooglieguy0211
Office Environments
"Be f**king p**sed because I have to work in an office again."
- FredChocula
Honestly, A Dream
"It would be time to actually 'quit' and get to that plant mom career I’ve been wanting."
- skdubbs
Mental Health Quality
"I'd probably see an improvement in my mental health."
- Pale_Currency_134
Back to Reading
"I'd get a library card."
- Virgin_algerian
Reconnect with Nature
"Go outside."
- CertifiedLurker5
"For a nice long bike ride."
- nutellatubby
Internet Addiction
"I am 20 and the internet is all I have known. I would be so annoyed, frustrated, and depressed all at the same time but I do think with time my mental health would improve and I would start doing the things I actually want to do."
- officialjeasuschrist2
"I am 50 and miss my internet-free life quite often. Tech and the internet have done a number on my ability to focus, productivity, and social interactions. But I also lack the willpower to simply shut it off."
- Taminella_Grinderfal
Options Aplenty
"Clean my house and do the garden. No wait, my current fixation is an offline game, I'd probably play that and watch some of my 12Tb of shows and movies instead..."
- LordOafsALot
Sounds About Right
"Run like a headless chicken for about three hours and then go clean my room."
- RavenWitch13
We Can Certainly Hope So
"Go back to enjoying life as it's supposed to be."
- Starforce1616
Practical Choice
"Well, I’d try unplugging and it plugging it back in. Will probably fix it."
- DisappointingPanda
Apocalypse Now
"There would be no card payments (how do you buy food, gas, medicine,…). Landlines run over the internet where I live so no basic telephones. Communication as we know it would be gone. Would ATMs even work anymore? Things would get really ugly, really fast."
- alwaysaprairiegirl
"Nothing would work, some major infrastructures have backups, but for the most part our entire way of life is run through the internet."
"We’d be f**ked if it was out longer than three to five days."
- Mundane_Tour_3215
Avoid the Panic
"Hunker down for the next 48 hours. Stay away from public places and try to avoid being killed over a can of soup as the panic spreads. If it comes back on immediately, start using the brief calm to stockpile as much as I can. Within a week the cost of living will skyrocket as companies try to bleed people dry to recoup their losses and pay for the new redundancy systems they are putting into place. If it doesn't come back on after 48 hours; well kiss your @ss goodbye."
- westernteryaki
Ready to Go
"I am a child of the 80s. I trained for this."
- Subliminal_Image
Though being without the internet being gone would be incredibly jarring, those who were old enough to remember a time without such a prominent internet actually welcomed the idea.
There's no question that the pandemic changed the world, and as the pandemic grew from a month-long hiatus to a three-year one, it's disconcerting to think of how much things have changed.
For some, basic conveniences, entertainment, and those things we used to take for granted are the things they still miss the most.
Redditor jdward01 asked:
"What do you miss that disappeared during the pandemic?"
Driving Etiquette
"Driving really seems to have gotten worse, hasn’t it? I can’t figure it out."
- limedifficult
"Being passed in the turn lane on a three-lane road. Never in my life saw it before the pandemic. Then it turned into once every several weeks."
"Also, the police completely stopped doing anything about basic laws. Having the person in front of you slam on their brakes and realize they have no brake lights is a blast."
"Also, license plates were ‘optional’ around here until very very recently. But I still can’t remember the last time I saw a police officer pulling over speeders on the highway."
- clocks212
Basic Hope
"My belief that most people are reasonable and compassionate."
- Waughoo81
Good Quality Meals
"24-hour stores and food that had better quality."
"It seems like all food has gone down in quality. Fast food, sit-down restaurants, take out, and grocery stores."
- ZenoSalts
"I took my daughter to Applebee's yesterday (her pick) and I'm not saying their food was ever fantastic, but there was a very noticeable difference in the food from even the past year or two. I've noticed this in several restaurants lately. It's getting harder and harder to find decent restaurant food anymore."
"It sucks because I hate cooking, lol (laughing out loud)."
- anonymousloser000
Basic Kindness
"General friendliness. People care less about each other than they used to."
- Gabrilaellie85
Social Etiquette
"Civility. I mean, it wasn't great to begin with, but post-pandemic, no one seems to know how to act in public anymore."
- kopackistan
Ability to Socialize
"My social skills."
- FreeStudios
"Seriously. I found myself extremely awkward as things started opening up."
- Old_Snow3086
"And social stamina! I went to a baby shower for two and a half hours and to a department store for like an hour yesterday. Came home SO exhausted that I took a nap for an hour. Then a few hours later I went to bed and slept THIRTEEN HOURS STRAIGHT. Like what the f**k?"
- kat_the_houseplant
Medical Work
"I miss when I enjoyed my job, I'm sure I'm not the only one, but the pandemic really changed the way my hospital runs and not for the better. All the good staff who could jumped ship, and if they replace them at all, it's with a traveler or a warm body, and our quality of care has certainly suffered."
"Not to mention, the organization I work for is buying up all sorts of s**t but when we need vital equipment, we are told how there is no money for it. Even more insulting is this stupid f**king robot they bought that's sole purpose is to deliver things between departments. I'm pretty close to quitting healthcare forever at this point."
"Normally I don't entertain when people s**t on America, but for real as someone on the inside our healthcare system is f**king appalling."
- Bootsix
"I came here to post this, it’s not really related to my hospital but just to my disillusionment with medicine in general. I used to feel proud and honored to be a physician. Now it’s just a job and a path to retirement, as early as possible. I’m burnt to a crisp and jaded beyond repair. I’m 40 years old."
- Sp4ceh0rse
Night Shifts
"S**t being open after nine o'clock. Working second shift got harder when everything is closed after."
- Barmacist
"24-hour places don't exist anymore either. Even Walmart isn't 24 hours anymore here. The only things open 24 hours are my local grocery, gas stations, and McDonald's."
- mhenderson1008
Walmart and McDonald's
"24-hour Walmart and all-day breakfast at McDonald's."
- RabidRabbiRabbit
Affordable Living
"Humans need so much STUFF and it all costs money. All this irritating need for food and toothpaste and electricity and whatnot. Why is it so expensive?"
- theyarnllama
Affordable Housing
"I had been saving to buy a house and recognized that everything was going to go bad soon so I closed on a house in June 2020. I don't know when we'll see interest rates that low again."
- TheEveryman86
"My wife and I had the same thought in summer 2020. We bought a small house for what seemed like too much money then."
"Our house is now worth 100k+ more. Good for me, but my friends who have decent jobs tried to buy like three months after us and even though they were in a near exact situation that we were in, their hopes were dashed."
"It’s been three years. They’re still looking, but their option pool is small and pretty terrible."
- UnspeakablyCrass
Loved Ones
"My grandpa."
- Yan-Ts
"Mom for me."
- No_Step_4431
Paper Menus
"Paper menus. I'm tired of scanning a QR code and dealing with terrible interfaces and slow wifi just to order a meal."
- Ariadne_on_the_Rocks
Poor Reception
"People."
"I work in a grocery store. We were deemed essential services and were forced to work. We didn't want to be called heroes, the people did to make themselves feel better. Now that the pandemic is over, the people are back to treating us like garbage again."
"F**k people."
- Wraisted
Employment
"My job... company went under. It was a love-hate relationship, but I've suffered for it."
- BigEyedThresher
The pandemic impacted everyone and with long-lasting effects. But some of the things we're left missing after the pandemic are the same things we took for granted before.
*The following article contains discussion of suicide/self-harm.
Some people have the tendency to hold things in so as not to risk ruffling feathers or facing huge embarrassment.
The problem with that, however, is that these secrets can fester and become unbearable to live with.
At some point, something's gotta give, and it can be worth the release.
Curious to hear examples of those kinds of scenarios, Redditor FazzyPhonix asked:
"What’s something you need to get off your chest but haven’t yet?"
When it comes to finding love, it's complicated.
Feeling Love
"I’ve never experienced genuine, romantic love. I have had opportunities for it. But I never really felt like I could develop it."
– Frisky_Potato42nite
Concept Of Dating
"Aroace here. I can't believe how long I spent waiting for romantic feelings. Dating sounds like a good idea, but I have never once wanted to date anyone in particular. Frankly, it's infuriating."
– grayTorre
Unrequited Love
"I’m madly in love with my ex and can’t move on. He’s across the country and I can’t even look at anyone else because of how I feel. It’s been almost 2 years, I don’t want to feel this way anymore but I can’t make it go away."
"There, that helped a little."
– lavenderdearest
Some people are deep in despair but don't show it.
Feeling Stuck
"I used to self harm by cutting and making myself throw up, I've dealt with several eating disorders and am pretty much still in one currently, I feel stuck in a life that doesn't seem to be going anywhere and I'm kind of just surviving at the moment."
– BarefootBestseller
Choosing Life
"I was in that boat and thinking about ending it. Everything was just boring. In the end I’m glad I didn’t; I’ve had a great couple years. I got engaged and found an amazing house with my fiancée. Now I’m trying to make everyone’s life around me a little better everyday. Whenever I see a post like this I always think about how happy I am I stuck around. Even though you’re just treading water now, you’ll catch a current and go somewhere soon. Just keep hanging on for now, I know things will get better for you and you’ll be looking back happily one day."
– mbur77
Some people wish to avoid placing burden on others by keeping personal matters a secret.
Cancer Risk
"I have to go get a biopsy done because I might have cancer. From what I read, I shouldn’t be overly worried but if it did come back positive there is a little more then a 50% chance I won’t be here in 5 years. Haven’t really told anybody, because it could very well be nothing but f'k it is keeping me up at night."
"Edit: thanks for the love everybody, should be fine. As people have mentioned, could come back negative, could be cancerous but benign. The idea is I just got to know, because I feel like my life is on pause until I find out. ❤️ back at everybody."
– trudenter
Friendly Warning
"Don’t put it off. I put off going to the dr when starting having some downstairs problems. Turned out it was stage 2 cervical cancer. If only I’d have gone to the dr sooner? Maybe the tumour wouldn’t have been so big, I might not have needed so much chemo or radio and I can’t stop thinking about how I should have done it sooner as it’s had so much of an impact on my life."
– shiningstar121618
Some feel a loss so deep, they think it's best to just go through it alone.
Old Best Friend
"I miss my best friend but I do think it's better that we're apart. I try not to think about it."
– twirlingpink
Mourning The Death Of A Friendship
"Best friend from school beat up his baby mama infront of me and I had to intervene. Turned out it had been going on secretly for a long time. Never would have expected it had i not seen it myself. Ended up having to be a witness in court anf give evidence to help her and the kid get the restraining order. I did the right thing, her and the little girl and happy and he's stopped drinking and has visitation rights now. Me and him are done though, well never be friends again. I mourn him as if he were dead."
– Cpt_kaleidoscope
Look Back
"Broke up with my best friend of 9 years almost 8 years ago now. I still miss him at times but eventually got to the point where I saw how toxic that relationship became and know im way better off having ended it. Took a couple years to get there."
– Kinoko98
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/
First impressions can be misleading, to the point of being dangerous.
After all, as Jane Austen taught us in Pride and Prejudice (whose original title was, in fact, First Impressions) the person who ends up being the love of your life might seem utterly loathsome upon a first meeting.
Even so, it's hard not to snap to judgment when meeting someone for the first time, particularly based on what they say.
Be it a difference in political or religious beliefs, or simply something shockingly rude or ignorant, all it can take is a few words or idioms to make us never want to see or hear from someone ever again.
"What words/phrases do you hear someone say and immediately know you’re probably not going to like the person?"
Is It Even Love?
"'Tough love' often seems to be used as an excuse to be a dick. I get it when it's like an intervention, but most times I've personally heard it this was just people who wanted to start sh*t." -Reddit
That Could Be ONE Reason...
“'People don’t like me because I tell it like it is'.”- MassiveProductions
Taking Others Down Is No Way To Pick Yourself Up...
"If a person humiliates others for the sake of boosting his own ego, I immediately stop communicating with that person."- AnastasiaFrid
mean girls ugh GIFGiphyOr Just Brutal?
“I’m brutally honest”- -not-pennys-boat-
And That's A Problem Because...?
“You’re so quiet”- WearyPigeon
Not Everyone Likes Their Family...
"'We're a family here' in a work setting."
"Mother f*cker you just laid off 'cousin' Bill."- recoil669
Hbo Are We Doing This GIF by SuccessionHBOGiphyIf You Think It Might Cause Offense, Then Maybe Don't Say It?
“'No offense, but…', just before saying the most offensive thing you’ve heard in your life."- lisathethrowaway
A Disability Should Never Be A Punch
“'I’m so bipolar' to explain why they are indecisive or to play off poor life choices."
"Or just to say to sound quirky."
"Really hate that."
"I’m bipolar and rarely tell anyone."- PerplexedPoppy
Then Don't Cause Any!!!
"'I hate drama'."
"I have never heard someone say this, unsolicited, and not been exhausted with their shenanigans within a day."- Spodson
Drama Reaction GIF by MOODMANGiphyDefinitely Not Something To Brag About...
"Describes himself as an Alpha Male."
"Tells you implausible stories about how tough he is/how many women he's 'Banged'."
"Yeah, me and you gonna fall out soon buddy."- Johhnymaddog316
Should I?
"'Do you know who I am?'"- Brave_D*ck
A Handshake Is Always The Best Place To Start...
"Where’s my huuuuug?"
"Immediately no."- xPunkdaddy
Come Austin Powers GIFGiphyNever A Good Sign If They Always Need To Declare Who They Are...
"As an empath --"- paramidia
"Good vibes only and 'I’m such an empath'."- Blacklotusispunk
Where To Even Begin...?
"'Why didn't they just take the eagles to Mordor?'"- Calligaster
lord of the rings no GIFGiphyThere's a reason our parents told us to choose our words carefully.
Sometimes the things people say can cause more pain and harm than physical violence of any kind.