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Regretful People Reveal The Worst Things They've Done While Drunk

Regretful People Reveal The Worst Things They've Done While Drunk

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Drunk you and sober you are two totally different people living in the same body. For some people it's like a beautiful bromance where one of you looks out for the other. For some people it's a Jekyll and Hyde situation where one of you seems hellbent on ruining things for the other. One reddit user asked: What is the worst thing "Drunk You" has done that f-ed over "Sober You"?

We learned a lot - but the biggest takeaway from all of this is to hide your money from yourself, for the love of god. Otherwise you're likely to end up homeless, a dude who binge buys lingerie, or buying Target gift cards off of homeless people.

$400 Tip

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Got drunk, went to a taco shop, loudly exclaimed "these tacos are awesome!" and then wrote a $400 tip on the tip line of my receipt. I honestly don't remember if I meant to actually tip 400 since the tacos were so good, or 4.00 and forgot the decimal, but I was able to get the charge reversed luckily since I was a poor college kid who didn't even have $400 in my account. Almost died when I woke up to overdraft alerts on my phone though

Hole In The Ceiling

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I had just passed out and I must have gotten up to go pee, but the only thing I remember is being in the attic squatting and when I stood up my foot fell through the ceiling.

The next morning I woke up with scratches and bruises all down my leg and a huge hole in the ceiling with a pee stain around it. I honestly don't remember how I got up there.

What's crazy about it is, you had to walk through our closet on the other side of the room and climb a flight of stairs to get to the attic. The bathroom was 4 feet away from where I was sleeping.

Look At The Bank Account And Realize

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Woke up to 20 dollars in my wallet, thought to myself "I left with $60 so I only spent $40"

Look at bank account and realize I took out $200 more throughout the night. Damn you drunk me, Damn youu!

Drunkenly "Repairing" Electronics

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I thought my Xbox broke cause it wasn't ejecting the disk, and drunk me thinks he's a technical genius, so he tried to fix it.

Sober me found my Xbox in pieces the next morning, and spent $60 to get it repaired. Oh, and there was never even a disk stuck in it.

Sobriety For A Better Relationship

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Started stupid dramatic fights with my husband. I would get upset over a little bit of nothing and bitch at him for no real reason. I don't think I ever said anything too devastating, but I know I made him feel terrible lots of times. Thing is, he's just the best guy. He never picks fights and has to be pushed really hard before he gets upset. He didn't deserve any of that, and I still regret it. Two-and-a-half years sober.

Not Cheating

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I'm a man. On a drunken shopping spree with my mate, I bought a women's bras and panties and then rushed home so I could try them on. I passed out pretty soon afterwards. The next day when my girlfriend came to visit, she found me passed out undressed and surrounded by lingerie. I had a pretty tough time explaining I wasn't cheating on her. I still have no clue why I bought them.

Drunk At The Office Party, Almost Homeless

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I had recently graduated from a Christian university where you are required to abstain from consuming alcohol (you need to sign an agreement and everything). I had not yet moved off campus and couldn't really afford to yet.

A work function gave us our first 8 drinks free, I took full advantage of this opportunity... and then a little bit more. Some barhopping, 8 cocktails, 3 jack and cokes, and some drunk wandering later, a homeless man approached me offering to sell me a Target gift card.

I bought it for $20 then stumbled drunk to Target and got myself kicked out.

I honestly have no idea how, but I made it back to the dorms somehow. I made it to the shared bathroom, stripped, exploded from both ends and passed out in my own mess. Eventually, security found me and took me in to file a report.

The following weeks were some of the scariest in my life. I had no money and had the looming threat of being kicked out of my apartment. Nothing happened of it though. So I guess the worst thing that happened was losing $20 to a gift card that didn't work.

Also if you are reading this and had to clean up that bathroom, I am so sorry. Please forgive me.

Drunk me doesn't make good decisions.

Abusive Relationship

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I drunk-texted my ex-girlfriend after getting extremely piss-drunk off brandy and iced tea. It led to us getting back together and a very bad, abusive relationship that followed.

Hide And Seek

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Drunk Me hides my things all. the. time. I wake up in the morning, head throbbing. Can't find my keys or my wallet or my purse or my shoes.

Where's my keys? Oh look, it totally makes sense that they're in the freezer inside of the bag of frozen fruit. My wallet is in that bag of DVDs that I haven't looked at since I moved into my apartment. One shoe is on the kitchen counter, the other one is tucked under a blanket by the front door. WHY do I even have a blanket by the front door?! WHO KNOWS.

Key Hulk

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I woke up one morning after a heavy drunkening, went into the kitchen and saw my front door key, on it's own, bent in half in the middle of the kitchen floor. It's usually attached to a keyring with about 6 other keys.

I tried to think back to what the hell I did, vaguely remember being that pissed up I couldn't get the key in the lock, when I did I finally bent it in half but managed to get the door open. Walked into the living room and decided it was the keys fault, so in a rage somehow ripped the keyring apart with my bare hands and launched the keys all over the room.

Took my about 3 days to find them all, there were keys behind the television, under the sofa, in plant pots etc

H/T: Reddit

People With Young Coworkers Divulge The Moment They Thought 'I'm Officially Old'

Reddit user redmambo_no6 asked: 'Redditors with younger coworkers, what was your “I’m officially old” moment?'

Senior citizen using a camera
Tiago Muraro/Unsplash

The realization you're getting older can smack you in the face at any given time, and boy-howdy is it fun!

It can be in the morning when you get up out of bed, and your body makes crackling noises, or when you can't seem to keep up at the gym and you cut short your running time on the treadmill.

That's just the physical.

When you suddenly have the epiphany that you're suddenly the oldest one in a group setting, it's humbling.

Curious to hear from strangers online who are no longer the young whipper-snappers they imagined themselves to eternally be, Redditor redmambo_no6 asked:

"Redditors with younger coworkers, what was your 'I’m officially old' moment?"

These moments of realization never get old. But people do.

Senior Kitty

"My childhood cat lived to 21.5 so teaching (freshman biology lab, so students were ~18) became very weird when I realized my cat was older than my students."

– mollusck_magic

Aging In Reverse

"I'm a preschool teacher. It's been a TRIP to watch parents go from Soooo much older than me, to the same age as me, and now they're younger than me!?!?"

– Smart_Alex

The Shook Pediatrician

"My kids pediatrician was also my husband's pediatrician when he was a kid. He was the first kid she had to come back as a parent and she was SHOOK."

– trixtred

Older Together

"See, that's what really kinda drives it home for me."

"I'm not bothered that I'm 48. But that means my school friends are 48, and that's weird for some reason. Like, I went to school with a guy who was wild and crazy. That guy is 48 now, and has a new grandbaby. Somehow, he's old, and I'm just 'getting up there '."

– ThatWeirdTexan

Relics of the past don't just pertain to humans.

Dialing It In

"Had a co-worker ask me, 'Back before cell phones, did you just have to wait around at your house for a call?' Uh, yeah, pretty much."

– Status-Effort-9380

"Reminds me of having to explain the concept of collect calls to my kids. The whole speed speaking where you were for pick up during the recording so your Mama never accepted the collect call."

– DaraScot

Legendary Aircraft

"Various colleagues were debating whether the Concorde had been real. They couldn’t fathom that supersonic civilian aircraft used to exist and now they don’t anymore."

"The Concorde last flew in 2003, when these colleagues were toddlers."

– geckos_are_weirdos

Foreign References

"We were talking about where we were on 9/11, and my coworker went quiet. He wasn’t even born."

"We also had a band that was famous in the 90s stay at the hotel, and he had no idea who they were, meanwhile I was so star struck as they were my entire childhood!"

– Itsagabby

Gravity is not our friend, and not just because of its effect on our faces.

The Day It Went Downhill

"When i fell down the last couple of steps on a stairway. No one pointed and laughed like I expected, instead they helped me up and asked me if I was okay. That’s when I knew."

– day_of_duke

It's About The Recovery

"F'k. That has to be a bummer."

"You fall. You know you're fine. You feel like an idiot. You get ready to wave to the crowd as they laugh and clap. But then... a hand is placed on your arm and you hear 'that was a big fall, are you ok?' You stay in shock for a moment. Of course, you're fine. Everyone is looking at you. They all have concerned faces. Sh*t. Two weeks later, the soreness finally subsides."

– minimalfighting

Ice Slip, You Slip, We All Slip

"This happened to me as well....walking my dog the day after a huge snowstorm. There were some rowdy teenage boys having a snowball fight across the street (schools were closed that day, of course). I slipped on the ice, my feet flew over my head and I landed solidly on my backside. As I struggled to get up I braced myself for the laughter and catcalls, but all I heard was "Are you OK Ma'am??' 'Do you need help??' I was in my early 50s and had never felt 'old' until that moment."

– Ouisch

Conversations with younger coworkers can be fun.

You can quote lines from your favorite TV shows and talk about the latest CD you bought at Target and brag about your new digital camera that takes better pictures than a smartphone.

And then you can watch the blank expressions on your coworkers' faces because they haven't a clue about what you speak.

Yeah. This has never happened to me...

Old.

person getting a tattoo

Collins Lesulie on Unsplash

The art of tattooing has been practiced across the globe since at least Neolithic times, as evidenced by mummified skin, art and the archaeological artifacts.

The oldest tattooed human skin was found on the body of Ötzi the Iceman from between 3370 and 3100 BC.

Tattooed mummies were recovered in almost 50 archaeological digs across the Earth with locations in Greenland, Alaska, Siberia, Mongolia, western China, Egypt, Sudan, the Philippines and the Andes.

But while advancements in tools and inks have opened up endless possibilities for body art, some designs have garnered a bad reputation.

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National Cancer Institute on Unsplash

"I shall do by my patients as I would be done by; shall obtain consultation whenever I or they desire; shall include them to the extent they wish in all important decisions; and shall minimize suffering whenever a cure cannot be obtained, understanding that a dignified death is an important goal in everyone's life."

~ English translation of the modern abridged Hippocratic Oath

It is the hope of those seeking medical help that the medical professionals providing it will be just that—professional.

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Photo by Louis Galvez on Unsplash

When it comes to making a point, the stronger language you use, the better.

Sometimes, this is true of insults too. If you use strong language, the insult may hurt more. This language may include curse words. A lot of times, cursing while insulting someone is a surefire way to make sure the insult lands the way it was intended.

However, this is not always true.

Redditors know it's completely possible to deliver savage insults without using curse words, and are eager to share their favorites.

It all started when Redditor ILikeExistingLol asked:

"What's an absolutely devastating insult without any cuss words?"

Bad Breath

""First of all, brush your teeth...""

– iSniffMyPooper

"I literally just brushed my teeth because of this comment. I was gonna put it off for a little later, but I couldn't after reading that."

– ClumsyGhostObserver

"A coworker who never showers, washes his clothes, or brushes his teeth was trying to intimidate me once and I told him the scariest thing about him was his breath. He hasn’t spoken to me since."

– Floptopus

"“Well, at least you have more teeth than IQ points.”"

– Average_Aloe

"About the same in his case, really."

– Floptopus

Yikes! That Face!

""I never forget a face. But in your case, I'll be glad to make an exception.""

"– Groucho Marx"

– chumloadio

""You have the face for a career in radio.""

– badmother

""...and a voice for print.""

– Byanl

If Only We Never Met

"I miss the feeling of not knowing you."

– Swivel_D

"I think Shakespeare once said something along the lines of "I wish we were better strangers.""

– Non_Music_Prodigy

Crime Against Humanity

"Have you ever considered that perhaps your low self-esteem is just good common sense?"

– pantsoncrooked

"I'd say shots fired but damn that's a nuclear warhead."

– RBpositive

Winston Churchill

"“He’s a humble man with much to be humble about.”"

"-Winston Churchill"

– Triton289

"Another Winston favorite: “Madam, I may be drunk, but you are ugly. Tomorrow, I will be sober.”"

– hdroadking

"Some lady: “If you were my husband, I’d poison your drink.”"

"Churchill: “If you were my wife, I’d drink it.”"

"May be slightly different wording."

– No-comment-at-all

"Lady Astor! She was an interesting person."

– Rare_Parsnip905

Wrong!

""I could agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong.""

– shaidyn

""You're entitled to your opinion. It's wrong, but you're entitled to it.""

– a_in_hd

Tough Love

"A teacher called my son success-avoidant 3 years ago and he still thinks about that every day. But it did motivate him to get an A in that class, and all his other classes too!"

– OhSassafrass

"Damn, a harsh truth can be very motivating."

– InverstNoob

What I Like About You

"“Do you know what I like about you?”"

"When they say “what?”, you reply, “See? You can’t think of anything either.”"

– Axeman517

"These are always the most devastating ones, when you set them up to expect a compliment."

– TruCelt

"It's risky though. If they actually give an answer, like some cocky "that i'm hot?" or whatever, then you'll have to think fast."

– Ketcunt

""No, that's definitely not it. I'll keep thinking, I'm sure something will come to me.""

– OnionMiasma

Rumor Has It

""I had to see for myself, but people are absolutely right about you.""

"No cussing, no meanness, but they'll get paranoid about who's talking about them and their reputation."

– NinjatheClick

Intelligence Called Out

"Your grades say marry rich, but your face says study harder."

– rrashad21

"Please donate your brain to science, at least that way someone will actually use it."

– MembraneintheInzane

Oooh!

"You are impossible to underestimate."

"You never fail to meet my expectations."

– Zyhre

Hilarious

"You couldn't guess which way an elevator is going if you had three guesses."

– Edward_the_Dog

"I love this insult because you have a moment of silence afterward as the insultee pieces it together."

– -Envixity

I love that one; it's brilliant. I'm using this as soon as I get an opportunity!