People tell white lies to try and get their way out of trouble. However, they usually end up making the situation way worse, as evidenced by these answers given to a question posed by Reddit user, Parmersan:
Creamy or Chunky?
When I first got Married back in 2005, my wife asked me if I like Creamy Peanutbutter. I knew she did, so I told her "Yeah that's great!". She buys creamy peanut butter, I buy creamy peanut butter. About 3 years ago, she's doing some experiment or something with our daughter and she needed chunky peanut butter. I saw it in the pantry and exclaim "Oh chunky peanut butter, I love this stuff!" to which she responds "... You do? I've been buying Creamy peanut butter all these years because you told me that was your favorite"
So long story a little shorter, we both prefer chunky peanut butter by a large margin, but had been buying creamy for ten years because we both thought it was what the other preferred.
Reading that back, we're pretty boring people. yep :D SSChicken
No, Seriously, I Totally Belong Here
I was a new graduate student freshly arrived in the US and very poor, and I couldn't afford a laptop, so the only way I could communicate with my family was to hit up the library and use a public computer to email with them. Eventually my girlfriend back home wanted to Skype, and I wanted a little privacy for this, if you know what I mean, so I set about finding the most private computer available to me in the library.
On a recon mission the day before the Skype, I located a single computer in a conference room and the next morning got up at 7am to account for the time difference and walked into the conference room with my eyes totally focused on the computer. I'd actually walked most of the way in before I realized there was a group of people around the conference table having a ridiculously early morning meeting. The guy at the head of the table, apparently thinking I'd showed up for the meeting and that I was heading towards him, handed me a paper that said "agenda" and said he was so glad a graduate student had shown up, then launched into the most incomprehensible talk about electrodes and chemistry.
Meanwhile I know my girlfriend is sitting halfway around the world thinking we're going to have sexy time Skype and I'm blowing her off and I'm feeling desperate. But everything I knew about US culture was only based on movies, so I have no idea if I can just apologize and leave or what. I miserably sat down for the incomprehensible meeting, rehearsing all the excuses I can give my girlfriend when we talk later. I was barely paying attention. Eventually questions were directed at me and I confess that I'm a new grad student and I don't know much about the equipment they're talking about. Everyone excitedly tells me all about it and I still don't totally understand what they mean, except I'm starting to get that they're going on a research expedition to [an insanely exciting inaccessible dangerous place] and they're building a piece of equipment to bring with them.
By the end of the meeting I am part of the project. 6 months later I am in [an insanely exciting inaccessible dangerous place] helping to operate this equipment. I appear briefly in the background of a Discovery Channel documentary (only black guy within hundreds of miles so easy to spot). I happily transfer to this other lab and this other field for my fully paid and stipended PhD. I am considered a real go getter, mainly based on my arrival at an early morning meeting no one else wanted to attend. New major, new field, new life because I was too awkward to admit I had just been in the room to sexy Skype with my girlfriend. omgpie
I moved to a new city, and got a new dentist. For some reason, the guy thinks I used to see him at his old practice in a town I've never lived in. I corrected him a couple times, but he just keeps bringing it up, so now I just kind of roll with it. He asks after my parents, which is easy enough...but we've had all kinds of conversations about local restaurants I've never been to and other random stuff like that. Davran
I Don't Do Beer
Wasn't a drinker in high school so to shut down peer pressure I told them I was born with half a liver and drinking anything could make me very sick or kill me.
The lie just became natural and followed me to college. Was out with some friends playing pool and decided to have a beer. When I came back, a buddy slapped it out of my hand thinking I was suicidal. Then the explanations began... dopplegangerexpress
Happy Sad Day
A new coworker of mine tried downplaying his bday and eventually after me hounding him about why he didn't like celebrating, he eventually told me in confidence that his best friend was killed on his birthday and he hates thinking about it. Fast forward 8 years -- this guy and I had become really good friends. Best friends. Lived together at one point. He was accepted into my friend group and I always made sure to downplay his bday (his is 4 days after another friend) so we just did a group thing and never made a big deal about it. Finally someone got brave enough and wanted to talk to him about it, and he laughed and had no recollection of telling me that and said he was probably just screwing with me. He always wondered why no one wished him happy bday. jackrack1721
This Is Me, Now
Someone bought my wife a Vera Bradley handbag. She doesn't care for Vera Bradley, but uses the bag anyway.
Because of her use of Vera Bradley, people buy her Vera Bradley things. She has a ton of it, plus gift cards to Vera Bradley. So naturally she has a ton of Vera Bradley accessories. She is now considered by others to be 'very into' Vera Bradley, so she gets more stuff from Vera Bradley. ViolentEastCoastCity
I Am EXACTLY That Person
"You're here for the copywriting position right?"
I was the only one in the waiting area... thought I was there for a design/art direction role. Within 15 minutes of the interview they offered me $2K to move and $45K starting salary a week before graduation. erdle
Lying From Home
I was having a rough time commuting too far for work for a few months. Decided to quit to find something closer to home, but told everyone I had been approved to work from home. When I went to give my two weeks, my manager asked, "I know the driving has been killing you, how would you feel about working from home?"
Work laptop to my left and watching Great British Masterclass as I type, been working at home since then. Geekprincessia
Ger The Mailman
Not me but my Dad. We moved and he was convinced the postman's name was 'Ger' as in short for Gerry. He greeted him by it, nearly every day for about 10 years. We even gave him a Christmas card which he displayed down in the sorting office.
Fast forward and we have a temporary post man, my Mum asking him after a few weeks 'When is Ger coming back?' This was met with stunned silence and a puzzled look, with a resounding 'Who is Ger? No one works in the locality by that name'
Turns out, his name is Declan and he was too nice to correct my Dad for close to a decade. djaxial
In high school, I took a 2-year class spanning junior and senior years. We switched seats sporadically and in the second year I got seated next to a girl who for whatever reason thought my name was the same as another student in the class (she didn't mix us up, but thought we had the same name).
I was extremely timid in high school so I didn't want to correct her and just thought I'd let it ride since I knew we were going to different colleges and I'd likely never see her again. 4 years later, she's organizing a reunion for our class and finds me on facebook, immediately messaged me asking why I let her call me the wrong name all that time... Return_Of_Urkel
Meet Your New Uncle
My uncle's name is Ernie and he owns a restaurant, and likes to talk to guests when they arrive and leave. One of the patrons that eats there a lot, confused his name with Bert, a la Bert and Ernie. Being the pleasant and polite asian dude he is, he didn't have the heart to correct him. Now whenever this one customer comes, the staff and and my aunt (the manager) has to call him Bert. He is my uncle Bert now. seen720
Liar, Liar, Pants on...
I became friends with one of the managers at Panera. One day as I was giving a cashier my order, he told her to give me the same discount as they give to firemen, police and paramedics, i think. He just chose this discount as it was an easy button to push on the register. Well this cashier really thought I was a fireman. I'm not. So for the next two years this cashier gave me the discount. Even if she wasn't serving me, she would go out of her way to tell the cashier that was helping me, "He's a fireman, give him the discount". It snowballed into such an awkward situation that I didn't know how to get out of it. Luckily that cashier eventually transferred to another store and I now happily pay full price. Steve0512
Never Say No To A Free Dinner
I didn't want to go to dinner with the gang from work, including my boss, so I told them I was having dinner with my wife and her parents. I lied.
I get home, wife wants to go out to dinner. So, we head to the restaurant, and just as we're getting near the door, I see the work gang with my loudmouth boss all piling out of their cars. What are odds of us picking the same restaurant? S***. Busted.
There was an old couple walking into the restaurant in front of us. I held the door for them, and insisted they join us for dinner. They were quite perplexed, but accepted my offer of a free dinner.
It was the most uncomfortable dinner ever. They had no clue who we were, none of us had any shared interests... they rushed through dinner, thanked us, and got the hell away from what I'm sure they thought were a couple of weirdos. disgustipated
The Boxing Champion
People picked on my brother in high school for getting jumped by some wannabe blood thugs in the bathroom. It was relentless. His confidence and any friendships were crushed, cause, you know, people cant be seen with the loser.
One day I was confronted by said thugs, basically talking s*** about my brother, and in my infinite wisdom, I said I could box so they better back off. Something to that affect. Looking back, I cringe, but you do what you have to.
Needless to say, they did not back off. Somehow, I landed a punch on one of the kids that dislocated his jaw. Like, flapping around like a mouth piece hanging from a football helmet.
I became the kid who could box but never wanted to fight, which I guess gave me credibility. I dont really know. Everyone and their hyena came to me asking where they could learn said boxing skills, how Id learned by 16, all that crap. Id wanted to just come out and say I had been lucky, but I didnt want anyone to give my brother sh*t again. So the lie stayed.
Luckily, no one ever picked on my brother afterwards, and I did eventually learn some boxing fundamentals, but most because I felt like I was living a lie. Which I was. As a man, I have not had to keep up the facade. PhotoreceptiveFlyer
Run For Your Life
In 4th grade I lied and said I was going to a track meet to impress some friends in class when the teacher asked if anyone was going. I went home and told my mom I needed to sign up for it. I was never good at athletics at this time in my life.
I ended up going to the track meet, it was a 400m race I was entered in, I remember the moment the gun went off I immediately went into a mode I had never remotely gone into before, I was actually ultra competitive for once in my life. I was neck and neck with another kid for the first place spot the entire race, and going into the final stretch I felt like puking and every fiber of my body was burning and he was pulling away. Something came over me and I kicked it into psycho mode and pushed past him for the win and my legs felt like noodles and I collapsed and couldnt get back up.
That race qualified me for a regional meet, I did that one and won again in similar fashion, then went to the state meet and got my ass handed to me. That started me down a long line of running long distance which involved being one of the best in the nation in high school and getting a scholarship to run in college, and trust me the training at that level consumes your life (100 mile weeks), so it was definitely my life at that point. gabriot
Mix Master DJ
I've been making EDM since I was 13, and in my senior year of High School I had the opportunity to play some of my music live with Ableton for my classmates at an event. But, because I couldn't explain what I was doing in the space provided on the sign-up sheet I just put down "DJ", thinking that nobody would be knowledgeable enough to know the difference. Apparently everybody liked it so much that the prom committee asked me to DJ prom, and like an idiot I said yes. I waited for my birthday, and made sure that nobody got me any gifts-just money, which I spent on software and a Mixtrack Pro. I learned how to DJ in three months, did prom, got payed 250$. I'm making decent money off of gigs now, and I do the prom every year. Sanity_Assasin
"The Things We Do For Love"
When I was little, my grandma would make me these horrible frozen chicken tenders filled with cheese. They were just god-awful. Because I am a good grandson, I told her that I loved them. From then on, every time that I visited her, she would cook me those abominations. Even when I was in graduate school, I would go visit her and for one meal, I would have to slide those gross things down my gullet.
Every time I would say, "Thanks! I love them!" The things we do for love. the_planes_walker
The Best Guitar Player
I did online homeschooling for a few years and there was a forum where you could socialize with other students enrolled in the school. During this time I was big into making music on a DAW I had downloaded. I didn't know how to play any instruments, but I could still download different drum beats and guitar riffs from the dev's website. I shared a few songs with my fellow "classmen" and told everyone that I could play guitar and had a friend that tracked the drums. Eventually people started asking me for guitar lessons or more songs. I couldn't keep up the lie so I told them that my friend moved to Africa for a missions trip and would not return for the foreseeable future. But everyone in that forum thought I could play guitar. I couldn't, and still can't play to save my life. Primitive_Teabagger
Debate Topic: Is Lying Okay?
My mother was a super control freak, so one of the ways I would avoid home was after school extracurriculars. I got the date wrong on a math team meeting, so I lied to my mom about it while actually attending the debate team intro meeting. I probably didn't need to lie, but it was always safer to not disrupt her precious schedule. Eventually, debate became a regular activity for me to avoid home.
In 3 years, I was a state semifinalist and in college, I coached the high school national champions and turned that into a free ride for a masters degree. loungeboy79
I told my parents i bought a duck when I was 20 to tease them. I found a picture online of one and sent it to them. Sadly, they believed me. They got overly excited about their "grand-duck" and told my whole family. I ended up buying a duck... ThePolishFish
This Is Steve, Now
My husband's best friend has a 6 year old daughter that I see often. When she was almost 3 she babbled something to me (I think it was "My friends here!") and my husband interpreted it as "My friend Steve!" and started calling me Steve in front of her. Now her whole family call me Steve when she's around, and she still believes that's my name. For clarity, I'm a female and my name isn't anything close to Steve. rebel_natureWhen You Just Don't Want To Play A Video Game
One time someone who I wanted to be better friends with showed me a metal gear solid meme and me being me I pretended to understand it. I then was forced to research all the games and their plots, Easter eggs, quotable characters, and other memes to better fake understanding. I still have never played a metal gear solid game. StandardAlmond
And Sometimes, The Best Reason You Can Lie To Someone...
So I'm a visiting nurse and started seeing a patient 3 days/week for wound care. He was a paraplegic and didn't get out much or have many visitors. He offered me a cup of coffee one morning, but I didn't know him very well yet and was uneasy about drinking something out of unknown person's kitchen. Plus, we are really not supposed to, but I could tell he just needed a little company. I told him I drink it black to keep it simple, never planning to have another cup.
Next day, I come in and notice a little sticky note on his counter that said "Remember to make fresh pot of coffee for Rachael". It was so touching to me that I went early every single appointment from that day forward to have a cup of black coffee. I hate black coffee but I felt it was too late to tell him I liked creamer after all. I drank black coffee with him for 3.5 years and he became a good friend until he passed away... rachabe
Everyone has their travel bucket list.
The list of places they absolutely must visit before they die.
There are those, however, who also have a rather different list of destinations.
The places that have no intention to visit.
Be it for safety concerns, language barriers, or simply that there's nothing at these places that calls to them, there are places some wouldn’t dream of spending the time and money to visit.
Redditor TrooperJohn was curious to hear which places were at the very bottom of the list of travel destinations for his fellow Redditors, leading them to ask:
"What is a popular tourist destination you have no interest in visiting?"
Oasis in the desert? No thank you.
"Why and whats special about it?"
"Its a modern city in a desert."- Maximum_Calendar_791.
"A fake city with fake people, no human rights, where the world's tallest buildings hide corruption and slavery in their shadows."
"It's like someone decided to take every problem of mankind and concentrate it in one spot."- PayNoNoticeOfMe.
"Dubai one i think it is ugly two I would die in two minutes of me being there I can't stand anything above 40 c°."- BookWormPerson.
One of the seven wonders is one too many for me.
"The pyramids. "
"Too many horror stories of Egypt."- Aemiom.
"Not really a destination, but taking a cruise."- Shortbus_Playboy.cruise ship vacation GIF by Hallmark ChannelGiphy
Mountains aren't really my thing.
"You use a bunch of money to get in there them come down."
"And trash your whole way there. It's literally a corner in the Earth insufferable for humans and we still made a way to go there to trash it."- ACLullaby.
It's in my own backyard... but still not interested.
"I have lived about 15km away from the Burj Khalifa ever since it was made."
"I could not care any less besides the occasional pointing out the 'shiny tall building' to my nieces.- legolosss.
The pictures are enough for me.
"Friends who've made the journey to Mount Rushmore mostly say it was no big deal and not worth the effort or expense to travel there."- Back2Bach.States Selfie GIF by Ethan BarnowskyGiphy
Hustle and Bustle? No thanks.
"Whether it's cities, structures, I don't care."
"I'd rather go to a boring empty quiet place than a place full of people."- TheSmeep.
They're watching us.
"That creepy a** place in Japan with all the realistic dolls."
"No thank you."dolly dearest horror GIF by absurdnoiseGiphy
Some dream of paying a visit to these places.
Others hope they never have to set foot there, and will choose to leave it to the other millions of tourists.
To each, their own.
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When it comes to electing a leader, the choice is an easy one if a potential candidate shares the same values as yours.
And while a candidate is fit to lead remains to be seen, we rely on our instinct to choose someone with whom we can relate.
But sometimes, our options are limited and we inevitably go with someone who is the lesser of two evils.
Curious to hear from strangers online about a hypothetical, Redditor Cashmeresquid2309 asked:
"Americans of Reddit, would you vote for an openly Atheist presidential candidate? Why or why not?"
Redditors were quick to point out the answer was a no-brainer.
We Already Know The Answer
"Asking Reddit if they'd vote for an atheist..."
"I feel like the answer would be obvious."
"Americans of Reddit, would you vote for a Star Wars fan who heckin loves doggos?"
For The Atheists In The Crowd
"Atheists of atheistville, would you vote for an open atheist?"
Others weighed in with a range of opinions.
"Better to ask the question in r/conservative"
"What's funny is how many of them would probably say no, even though they voted for Trump and would do so again. Say whatever else you want about him, but I seriously can't understand how anyone could genuinely believe Trump is a Christian. He's so obviously faking it and is undoubtedly the most atheistic president we've ever had or are likely to have for a long time."
"This is a guy who's never even so much as read the Bible or attended church, who told a conservative radio host his favorite Bible verse was 'an eye for an eye', who told evangelical interviewers that he's never asked God for forgiveness because he's never done anything wrong, and who routinely commits all 7 deadly sins (pride, greed, wrath, envy, lust, gluttony and sloth) without remorse."
From A Different Perspective
"Not an american but interestingly according to this survey on 1006 people from 2007, being atheist was the worst thing you could be as a candidate (of the things asked) with only 45 % of people saying they'd vote for one."
An atheist candidate isn't necessarily a big strike.
"I wouldn’t not vote for someone just because they were atheist."
"This is it. If they’re running on platforms I support with a history to back up those campaign promises, I don’t care if they belong to the church of the flying spaghetti monster. They could literally be a member of the satanic temple and I, an actual practicing Christian, would give less shi*s than a constipated sloth."
"Edit: yes, I realize the Satanic Temple does not actually worship satan. I used it for that purpose. The Church of Satan has some…problematic views and I probably would not vote for someone who literally holds a platform of eugenics."
Some view the role of religion in politics as important.
"Religion can be relevant: I would have strong reservations about voting for a Scientologist, even if I agreed with the policies they proposed. I would have strong reservations voting for a member of an apocalyptic cult or, possibly worse, a follower of the (highly heretical) 'prosperity gospel,' which unfortunately includes more and more so-called 'evangelicals' — I didn't vote for George W. Bush, but it's not because he was an evangelical."
"It depends on the role: I'd probably be more flexible with a legislator than an executive (mayor, governor, president), as their character is IMO more important than for a legislator and their policy stances somewhat less important relative to a legislator."
"Satanic temple — well, that's just an organized group of atheists and humanists with an intentionally inflammatory choice of name. They're generally fine people."
A Bad Rap
"The Satanic Temple is an excellent organization that every decent person should be able to respect. A Church of Satan member, not so much."
"There's a huge difference between them!"
And Redditor boganvegan said it best.
"Better an open atheist than a fake Christian."
It all boils down to trustworthiness. Without full transparency, how could anyone put their faith in a candidate who spews nothing but lies?
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Being home alone isn't always the most tranquil thing.
No one is there to help or protect you.
And things that go "bump" in the night... sometimes they do more than bump.
Redditor ag9910 wanted to hear about the times home felt like an unsafe place to be. They asked:
"What is the scariest, strangest, most unexplainable thing that has happened to you while home alone?"
I'm always freaked out when I'm home alone. Lights on. Yeah, my electric bill is high.
Dorothy?Wind Conan Obrien GIF by Team CocoGiphy
"I dreamed the front door blew open at the exact time the house alarm went off... I hopped up and sure enough, the front door was open. No intruder."
I See You
"Not home alone but only one in right side of the house. Went to my mom's bathroom to wash my hands and saw a pair of feet behind the half open door. Laughed and said 'very funny Ma, I see you.' then finished up and left. Bumped into my mother in the kitchen unpacking, nobody else was in the house. I'm glad whatever was behind the door didn't peek out."
"One night I had forgotten to lock my apartment door and woke up in the middle of the night. My bedroom door was about 2 feet from my front door, as you walked into the apartment. First a big dog ran by, then a person. Holy crap I was so scared and I screeched 'Who is it?!?!!'"
"A man said 'It’s Doug!' As I was thinking to myself, who the f**k is Doug, he said 'oh, crap.' He turned around to go back out the front door saying 'Sorry.' I asked 'Didn’t you have a dog with you?' He said 'Oh, yeah. Hey, c’mon!.' He left, his dog ran out after him and I locked my front door."
"Edit: glad you all thought this was funny, because I did too, once my heart quit trying to beat right out of my chest! The next day the girls at work thought I was crazy for not being upset, but eh, done is done. Peace!"
"My sister and I were home alone and we heard someone big running up the stairs. The stairs make lots of noise with slight pressure so when there’s someone big on them you can tell. I went out of my room to check but saw no one anywhere and my sister also came out of her room and she asked if that was me I said no and we both looked around to see if there was anyone but found no one in the whole house. We were confused and called our parents and just waited until they got back and that was that."
I See YouStaring I See You GIF by QuikTripGiphy
"I very clearly saw a guy walk into my room. But when I went after him there was nobody there. I checked in the closet, under my bed, everywhere one could hide in my room."
This is why home video surveillance is key.
"NO"Season 5 No GIF by The OfficeGiphy
"My parents were on a road trip, just left, and I sat down at my desk. I thought 'Weekend alone by myself' and a voice yelled into my right ear 'NO' so loud it hurt."
"I managed to lock myself out of my house on my birthday during a tornado while trying to bring my cats to the basement for safety. I later found out that the tornado was approximately a couple miles or less from me at that exact time. The sky was green and it got weirdly calm and then I could hear what sounded like a train coming before I found an unlocked window to climb through. Wild times."
Saturday morning in the 80s...
"I wasn't home alone but I was awake by myself one Saturday morning in the 80s when I was around 7 or so. I believe my mom was the only one home because my dad went to the lake to go fishing that weekend, and I'm not sure where my older brothers were, maybe they went with him, idk."
"Anyways, my mom's sleeping in, and I'm in the living room by myself, watching Saturday morning cartoons and making a fort out of sheets and cushions. Something made me turn around and I saw my dad in his pajamas standing in the hallway entrance with his hands on his hips, looking the mess I was making and shaking his head."
"He then turned around and walked into my room, which was just off the hallway entrance. Dude. I didn't even look, I just booked it to my parents room and woke my mom up. I don't remember what happened after that, this was around 35 years ago. And yes, my dad was fine, nothing had happened to him."
Get the Bat...
"I was at home by myself on a call with some friends when all of a sudden my dog begins to bark like crazy, which was odd since it was the middle of the night and he's usually sleep. I go downstairs to check on him and find him barking at our hall closet, terrified I grabbed my bat that I keep in my room just in case and open the door. There was nothing out of usual at first at then I look down and notice a familiar looking object at the bottom of the closet."
"It was my mom's necklace she had lost when I was 9, (i'm 15 now just to put in perspective how long it's been). I showed it to my mom at breakfast and she was just as shocked as I was. I still have no clue how it got there or how my dog knew it was in there, definitely one of the oddest occurrences of my life."
MeowHappy Cat GIF by ChubbiverseGiphy
"Many years ago, I was 14 or so, my first night alone in the house when my parents were out. Lying on the living room floor reading, my cat sleeping next to me."
"Suddenly, cat wakes up, stares intently into the dark corner of the room behind me, hair on end, growls and then bolts out of the room and upstairs. I look behind me and see nothing, but follow cat upstairs and hide under the covers. Freaked me out."
Thank God for alarms. I hate being home alone.
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The human body is still such a mystery.
How much do we really know?
Not a lot apparently. We're learning more all the time.
And most of it is gross.
Redditor BathNo7713 wanted to discuss the ick factor of anatomy. So they asked:
"What is the most disturbing fact about the human body?"
The body freaks me out. But it's all I've got. So teach me some things.
"The fastest killing virus takes around 4 days to kill you. That would be Ebola. Your immune system can kill you in 15 minutes."
"If your brainstem (the part of the brain that mediates most motor control for all of the body) is damaged, you can get 'locked-in' syndrome. That means you're fully conscious and aware of your surroundings but unable to move or speak. The only muscles that remain unaffected in most people are the muscles that move they eyes and the eyelids."
"You're essentially trapped within your own body with your only way of communication being blinking or moving your eyes It can be caused by toxins, blockage of the basilar artery which is the main artery of the brainstem, or other brainstem damage."
"Some people suffer from Exploding Head Syndrome, which causes them to hear a loud bang when they wake up."
"When I was younger I believe I experienced this a few times. Sounds I heard were: about a million people talking and laughing all at once, a train that irl would've been about a foot away from me based on the volume of the sound, and a door slamming loudly."
"Not sure if this is by design, but I totaled my car once, almost completely uninjured somehow. Then I looked down to my right hand which I remember jabbing into my dashboard at 55mph. Luckily (unluckily?) only my pinky took the blow. But instead of a floppy-udder full of bone-sand, my pinky was 0.5 inches long."
"Broke no bones, but instead perfectly stacked my phalanges, or finger bones, INTO my hand. This is fixed by a muscular Russian murse grabbing your pinky with both hands and pulling very hard. God I wish they gave me more lidocaine."
Functionsanimation art GIFGiphy
"If you have a surgery where they need to move your organs around they might not function for a day as the body assumes that they are dead."
Move things around? You mean that's not fake when it happens on "Grey's Anatomy?"
GrossBasketball Wives Ugh GIF by VH1Giphy
"It is always making disgusting body noises."
"The only reason you are not aware of it is because the ambient noise kind of drowns it out because your ears focus on it. If you go to one of those super-silent rooms that absorb all sorts of sounds, it is a really weird way to reacquaint yourself with your body."
"Idk about the most disturbing but how bad human teeth are. We’d think it’s our sugary and processed diets these days that cause it, but even Otzi the iceman discovered in Italy was found to have terrible teeth, mouth diseases and cavities. It’s odd that even with the most basic of diets our teeth are so bad."
In the bowels...
"I noticed this after my abdominal surgery. When I turned over in bed my guts seemed to fall from one side to the other. Mentioned to my doc and she confirmed it was my bowels rearranging themselves."
"Apparently the doctor just throws your intestines back in there higgeldy-piggeldy because there isn't a correct way to pack them neatly."
A Quick Burst
"There are a vast number of ways that your body can malfunction and kill you with little or no warning. An aneurysm can go undetected until it bursts and kills you. Getting hit in the chest just the right way can stop your heart. You can encounter an allergen that never previously provoked an immune response that freaks out your body so badly that you die. You literally just never know if your body will just... die."
The body is such a conundrum. Sexy and gross all at once.
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