Some people's stupidity can just flabbergast you. Oftentimes it comes out in an unexpected moment. For instance, once I was curled up next to someone. It was a winter day in the wee hours of the morning, we were watching big fat snowflakes drift through the ice crystallized trees.
Because of this beautiful setting we got on the subject of how amazing nature is. They mentioned how powerful nature can be, bringing up the supervolcano at Yellowstone. This is where things went sideways, as they began to explain to me how if the volcano were to erupt it would result in a supernova in space.
Still not sure how they got there, honestly I just changed the subject because it seemed easier than a 5 am science lesson.
Redditor KarvedHeart wanted to hear the stupidest things others have heard.
They asked:
"What is the stupidest thing you have ever heard out of someone's mouth?"
*screams in geography*
“USA specific. I'm from New Mexico. In high school, I was talking with a group of people in my history class about where we were from. When I mentioned I was born and raised in NM, one of the girls (She was from Cali I believe) got really excited and asked if she could see my green card.”
“She had never seen one before, but she was positive that people in this state are given a birth certificate along with a green card. Because of the Mexico part. I had to explain that we didn't get green cards, because NEW Mexico is a state and not part of Mexico.” spooky_panic
How did they get into uni in the first place!?
“'I thought snow was just the dust that blows off mountains and rain was when the snow melted' 23 year old in one of my uni classes." ChemicalHedgehog6
avalanche GIFGiphyThey only wanted to pay for half the bottle...
“I worked at a bagel shop and I had a customer come in with a complaint one day after buying some nestle chocolate milk from us. So here is how the story goes:"
“We had a guy come in and accuse us of selling and charging him for 2 bottles worth of chocolate milk inside of one bottle when he only wanted 'one serving'. I guess he thought it was a super large or something? (We only have one size, and it isn't that big) His reasoning for thinking that?"
“On the bottle of chocolate milk it says that a thoughtful serving is half the bottle, so he thought one bottle = 2 bottles of chocolate milk and he only wanted one. I had to explain to this guy that a thoughtful portion was just a recommendation by Nestle that he only drink half the bottle because it's healthier."
"And it's not that there are two chocolate milk bottles in the one bottle he bought. Then he told us we should be less confusing, and then I had to explain to him that we do not own nestle and do not have a chocolate milk factory in the back of the shop where we make and produce the chocolate milk."
"Then he said he no longer wanted it because he is "hearing now that it is not fresh" so he tried to get a refund on a half drunk chocolate milk and I had to explain to him that no, we can not do that. And then he left in a huff. I know it sounds unbelievable, but it really is true. People this stupid exist in our world as members of society." Timothy_McEvoy
“Left footed”
“‘How do left handed people drive?’ -my sister. As she then proceeded to try and drive ‘left footed’.” thats_up_top
Almost like teaching CRT is important...
“If the holocaust was real, why didnt the jews just get out? Edit: as in.....walk out of the camps they were held in.” Y_10HK29
“I've had way too many people ask/"ask" me this regarding slavery. ‘Why didn't they just up and leave, or up and murder the enslavers? There's 50 of them and 5 of the family that owned them!’”
“Idk man, perhaps because a nation whose laws, economy, and customs actively supported slavery somehow didn't also have many pathways for escaped people to just waltz away and live freely, or much in the way of legal loopholes that would allow them to murder people without repercussions.”
“Plus when enslavement is race-based, anyone who looks a particular way walking around freely would draw suspicion from literally everyone who saw them.” Much_Difference
But he became a real boy!
“On a tour bus in Italy. A tourist kept asking to see Pinocchio's grave. The tour guide explained he wasn't a real boy. The tourist again said, but where is he buried? He just wasn't understanding."
“Edit: We were in Florence and the guide was sharing stories about Carlo Collodi, Pinocchio's creator. She later shared other hilarious stories about things tourists asked about." AlkahestGem
People Who Made A Lot Of Money From Something Totally Random | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
“Some dad’s breath...”
“At an old job we had balloons in the office leftover from a kids birthday party in the restaurant. A server comes in, and says 'Oh Balloons!' She then picked a balloon up OF THE GROUND, opened it, inhaled the air and said hello all excitedly.”
“She then goes 'Oh! Why didn't it work?' Her face when I explained to her that wasn't helium she had just breathed in, but some Dad's breath that'd been in the balloon for hours, was priceless.” SergeantSGT
Disgusted No Thank You GIF by Shark WeekGiphy“My bother in law plastered baby oil all over his body and sat out in the sun for 2hrs. I told him he was going to get skin cancer. His response ‘I don't believe in skin cancer’. This is the guy who refuses to have a microwave in his house because ‘they are bad for you’.” Cattangel63
To be fair his hair was fantastic and it was the 80s...
“It blew my mind when I found out that David Bowie's hair didn't always look like it did in Labyrinth. I was maybe 7 or so, and while I understood the concept of actors, I just thought as a rock star in the '80s that he looked like that all the time.” BangarangPita
David Bowie GIFGiphyAnd we have a winner...
“I worked at a hippy crystal store in the mall. These girls come up and are looking at our amethyst cathedrals. One reached out to touch it and her friend immediately held her back and pulled her away, yelling 'Don't touch that! It's Asthmathyst! Being around it gives you asthma'. She was genuinely upset…I stopped dead in my tracks when I heard that one." spooky_panic
“Water potatoes?”
“All of these stories are great. Mine isn't super crazy, but it always makes me laugh. My wife called me while I was at the store probably two years ago and told me to get a few things. She starts listing things off and says ‘can you get me some water potatoes’ I had to stop and reboot my brain because that was a sentence I had never heard before.”
“I thought she was messing with me but nope! Deadly serious. After a back and fourth of her trying to explain to me what in the hell it was she was asking for, I find out she wanted water chestnuts. So now they're just called water potatoes in my house.” King_Metzy
No that's definitely not it...
“When I was in high school, I took Latin, which ended up being about half language class and half Roman history class. One day, our teacher asked us if anyone knew what the Feast of the Lupercal was.”
“This kid's hand shot up and he said ‘Oooh! Oooh! Isn't that when the Jews eat their foreskins?’ Class was effectively canceled due to laughter. After about 10 minutes, our teacher got up, went into the next classroom, brought back that teacher and told the kid to repeat what he had said.”
“He did, and the other teacher just stood there, mouth open and shaking his head. 20 years later, my best friend and I still get a laugh out of this.” LastLingonberry3221
It can't unhinge like a snakes jaw for goodness sake!
“That I am technically not a twin because I was born 2 min earlier then my brother instead of exactly at the same time.” Kaporalisvarner
“one of the girls dead serious asked me what it was like living in igloos...”
“When I was in highschool (I'm from Toronto, Canada) I went to Chicago and went on a boat tour highlighting the architecture of the buildings around the city. While on there I began talking to a group of grade 12 students on a field trip from a high school just outside of Chicago.”
“I mentioned I was visiting from Canada and one of the girls dead serious asked me what it was like living in igloos and did we actually get around by dog sledding. It took a lot of people to convince her that Canadians don't all just live in igloos. She even topped it off by asking if our bathrooms were the same. Me and my mom could not get over it.” AcanthocephalaLost40
“I was at an all night coffee shop near a college campus. A jock was trying to impress his study partner with a 20 minute oratory that Watchmen -- the Zack Snyder adaptation of the graphic novel -- was ‘about love.’ His speech caused me physical pain from 2 tables over.”
“His study partner kept having giggle fits because she was watching me wince the whole time. Dude was trying so, so earnestly to impress her with his mind; I don't know how he didn't know he was getting laid that night, and it wasn't because of his brains. I wanted so desperately to walk over, hand him the condom from my wallet, and tell him not to breed.” Relevant-Slide2759
Wait mmmm, that's not how it works...
”My first time in the USA (I'm from South Africa), I met a girl and told her that I love being here but am sad that I'm missing my summer for her winter (it was December). She could not understand how it was a different season in the Southern Hemisphere. Could not comprehend Christmas in Summer.”
“Eventually I managed to convince her of this truth. A few days later, she brought me a gift and said Happy Birthday to me (my birthday is July 16, she said HBD on December 16). She figured that since the seasons are switched the months must be switched too…” ziggyfro
Getting pulled over walking...
“A cop stopped me one day, as I was walking home from the corner store. He pulled up in front of me as I was about to cross the neighborhood street and snarls at me... What are you doing over here!? I said well I live here.. what are you doing here?"
“He says 'WELL WE GOT A CALL THAT THERE WAS SOMEONE RIDING A BIKE DOWN THIS STREET!' I couldn't help but let out a small giggle as I started to ask ok but why are You here tho?? First sir I didn't even know that was a thing."
“Like can people not ride bikes down the street anymore or are you only with people riding a bike down this particular one. ... In a low Harald and Kumar voice I added 'Is this your street, sir?' Haha so why did you stop and start questioning me then.. you realize I'm walking ?" SeirraD223
“Karen conspiracy theorist...”
“My mom thought america made covid to economically reset the world and she thought my brother was on vacation in North Korea. My mom is mostly smart but sometimes she just becomes some Karen conspiracy theorist for some reason." jurredbeste21
Not exactly, try again...
“A friend of my brother saw a picture of mount rushmore and said ‘hey guys, look at the beatles’. I mean, sure, i also think that john, paul, ringo and george should have been presidents, buuuut.” torpedolina
Well if these weren't enough to make your brain hit and want to fund education we don't know what will.
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What grossed you out so much in a relationship that you just left?
Not So Subtle Manipulation
"We were in one of many fights and I told him I needed space, so we hadn't talked in maybe a day."
"I get a text from a random number saying it was his sister and that he was in the hospital after a bad work accident."
"I ask which hospital (knowing that it is him texting me using a number app, lying about being injured - BUT you never know, maybe it's real)."
"'She' tells me the name of the hospital and then sends me a picture of JUST his legs which are bruised, but they looked like how his legs always looked."
"And then she says this is the last picture they took of him before he was life flighted to the hospital."
"She said he had severe head trauma, a cracked skull, and his back was likely broken in several places."
"So...I called the hospital and asked if they had any patients by his name - they said no."
"I asked if anyone was life flighted in in the last few hours - they said no."
"I blocked the number and went to sleep."
"A few days later I got a text from ANOTHER random number claiming to be his brother."
"He sends me a selfie of him in a hospital gown in an exam room at a doctor's office."
"He looked totally normal - no cracked skull or broken back."
"And it was cute because the room was ocean themed with crabs and fish on the walls."
"Anyway, the text said he was in the ICU (the crab room) and he had just woken up from a coma!"
"Again, I ask which hospital and the 'brother' refuses to tell me, saying he'll be RELEASED within the hour so there's no point in a visit."
"I know it makes me sound like a bad person for not believing him, but this man lied to me on several occasions, told me he'd been shot, stabbed, poisoned."
"So many red flags and my mentally ill self was naive and lonely at that time in my life."
"Granted, this was a breaking point for me and I dove head first into therapy and never looked back."- coffeee_bean
Talk About Unhygeinic!
"(Briefly) dated a girl who never cleaned her adult toys."
"It was something I missed the first few times we were together due to lighting but once I did it was all I could do to not retch."
"I played it off like the batteries had died in it."
"Afterwards I took a peek at the rest of her collection and they were all the same, coated in crustyness.
"As far as I could tell she wasn't an otherwise dirty person either."
"He place was well kept and clean and every time we were together it was clear she had either just taken a shower, or we would take one together as part of our pre-game."
"Then again, I have anosmia and can't smell most things, so maybe she stank to hell, and I just couldn't tell?"- TheShandyMan
grossed out seinfeld GIF by HULUGiphyDoes She Even Own A Broom?
"Dated a girl for a while, always seemed really well put together."
"Nice clothes, hair and makeup."
"We usually hooked up at my place."
'Went to her apartment once."
"The smell when she opened the door should’ve been enough."
"There were dirty diapers overflowing trash cans in every room of the house."
"There was a super small walkway through the mounds of dirty clothes to the bathroom."
"And to make it worse , there were used paper plates on top of the MOUNTAIN of dirty dishes in 'the sink'."
"She proudly pointed out a moldy dish and said that it was from when she cooked dinner for two of our mutual friends."
"3 months prior."
'Noped the hell outta there."- Jammin_neB13
Tragic
"When she doted on my kids as though they were hers/ours but treated HERS like they no longer existed or mattered."
"MASSIVE MASSIVE red flag."
"I was sooooo happy to get out of that relationship but years later I feel badly for her kids and pray everything turned out well for them."- Pittman247
Good Thing They Noticed!
"The swastika I found under her left t*t."- vensik
Definitely Not A Keeper
"My ex used to say, constantly, that she wanted to be inside my skin."
"It was her way of saying she desired me, but it was weird and off-putting so I asked her to stop and she couldn't understand what was so uncomfortable about what she was saying."
"Pretty soon after that I went on a week long work trip and three days into it she called and told me the whole time I've been gone she wanted to cheat on me."
"Then she asked me if she could see other people while I'm gone."
"I broke up with her pretty much instantaneously."- BashfulArtichoke
Not What They Did, But What They Were Thinking
"She was jealous of me spending time with my sister and implied our relationship ‘wasn’t normal’."
"I was so grossed out by the implication."
"Dumped her the next day."- Tygoodnight
One Hopes She Got The Help She Needed
"It was two separate incidents, but long story short, one night she got super drunk at my sister-in-law's house."
"After spilling a second glass of red wine on my SIL's white carpet, we opted to move her glass further away from the edge of the table."
"As soon as we left, she screamed, like full-fledged raged, at me for 'not defending her'."
"The very next time we were together, she got drunk again and accused me of trying to cheat on her (I've never cheated on anyone) and threw her purse at me."
"I let things calm down and explained to her that I grew up in a house chock full of domestic violence and that was an absolute line in the sand."
"And for that reason, I was out."- Zutes
When They Admit To Stalking, GET OUT!!!
"He showed me, with excitement, a box of things he'd been collecting from me without my knowledge."
"This included strands of my hair taped up neatly, bobby pins and hair pins I had in from prom, my finger prints and saliva sample that he took out of the trash from our forensics class experiments."
"He thought this was a romantic gesture or something, but it just made me really realize how creepy and obsessive he is."
"He was also very controlling and got jealous/mad at me for hanging out with my sister or spending time on my laptop or with my dog."
"And he also admitted to me that he stalked my FB interests to pretend he knew and liked what I liked, researching the games I played and music I listened to so he could bring it up in conversation."
"Total psycho."- puppycatpie
Rendering His Showers Unnecessary
"I showered at his place after staying over and I asked for a towel."
"He gave me one which had literal skin flakes on."
"I asked for a clean one."
"He asked what I meant."
"He did not realize that you need to wash towels because 'they just have water on them so they clean themselves'."- G1ngerbeer
towel talking GIF by South Park GiphyComplete And Total Lack Of Sympathy
"My mom died just weeks before and I was tired as f*ck, exhausted, and in a traumatic phase of grief after a year of cancer treatments and all the fuss of being there for a cancer battle."
"The woman I was seeing told me I need to get over it and can't just be alone inside all the time."
"Never spoke to her again."
"Went through my phases of grief and have been a resource to ppl in my life that are going through similar loss since then."
"Grief takes time or it doesn't; it's different for everyone."- Stevenerf
Trolls Aren't Just Found Under Bridges...
"Found out gf had several fake social media accounts she’d use to bully strangers and harass women she knew including my ex wife."
"Instant dump."- Zen4rest
Some people simply aren't meant for one another.
After reading some of these cases, however, one could honestly say that some people simply aren't meant for anyone.
Redditor GrouchyResolution974 wanted to know what the boys can't quite seem to grasp about the ladies, so they asked:
"Men of Reddit, what’s one thing you will never understand about women?"
Thankfully, I like boys, but's it's a fascinating topic. I'm listening.
Follicle Issues
Giphy"Based on the amount of hair I have seen in the bathroom, and that I somehow still keep finding in my clothes/bu**crack, how do you still have so much hair on your head?"
shartnado3
mark your territory?
"Are you planting hair ties and bobby pins everywhere to mark your territory?"
"This actually came up in a previous relationship when my girlfriend (at the time) found a 'foreign' bobby pin in one of the bathroom drawers, and freaked out about it until I casually explained that she is in fact not the first girlfriend I ever had and that I don't go through and scrub every square inch of my apartment after a breakup."
onamonapizza
Chaotic Sizes
"Why are women clothing sizes all over the place? One store a size 4 could be a 9 at a different store."
Zihark53
"We don't get it either, and we don't like it. The fashion industry refuses to standardize sizes, make bras for well endowed women at a reasonable price, or put useable pockets on our clothing. It's freaking MADDENING."
TattooedWenchkin
"This is a topic most of us rant about at LEAST twice a month, if not every time we go clothes shopping. My best friend says women’s sizing depends on your horoscope and your immediate proximity to a chicken."
queenlesbian99
Why so Small?
"Why are their pockets so small? Who started this?"
GBgabe13
"Pockets went away because 20th century fashion silhouettes were too slim for pockets, cost of installing pockets makes manufacturers not include them in designs, and women’s clothing is made of weaker fabrics that aren’t suitable for pockets. The purse industry thing is a myth. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=W2zSSE9pgC8"
butter_milk
Chatter
Mean Girls Gossip GIF by Paramount MoviesGiphy"Starting a conversation, then continuing the conversation after walking into another room where you can't be heard."
therealfrankpenny
Women have super sonic hearing, it's a gift.
Bruh!
Jersey Shore Dancing GIF by Jersey Shore Family VacationGiphy"I'm going to McDonalds, want anything? No. *Proceeds to eat all of my fries, bruh."
california-whiskey
"'I'll just have some of yours.'"
"No I want all of mine, that's the point. I'll just get 2 and finish yours."
Idontdanceforfun
0 to 100!!
"How a woman can instantly tap into the rage (with 0 energy loss) they experienced from an argument we had 2 years ago, and I don't even remember it happening."
whatchlookinat
"It's because of the implications of the past rage. I think women tend to connect behaviors into a pattern more, rightly or wrongly. So X things is seen as a warning sign for something negative."
"Something happen twice is a pattern of behavior that indicates negative thing. I think men tend to view each incident as an isolated event. I don't think either one is right or wrong. I think you need both kinds of thinkers in a social group. A lot of women just tend to lean one way and a lot of men the other."
jittery_raccoon
Location?
"Where do you want to eat?!"
WhenAllElseFail
"As a girl, I absolutely hate having to choose. I will never turn down a place when my husband picks. If I actually want something I will tell him. It should be simple. I get stuck making dinner at home most days and make those decisions- don't make me also figure out food out of the house too."
nickygirl19
"Frankly this is a fair take that I’ve never considered."
flaming_carrot12
Hats off y’all...
"Why the f**k you would ever want to be pregnant. I watched my wife push out two kids with no drugs, and y’all have my undying respect. No freaking way I’d do that dude. Courage is defined as a woman who intentionally get pregnant, knowing what that actually entails and all the terrifying risks associated with it. Hats off y’all."
ToastFromTexas
Bad Company
"Toxic Positivity. Why are you always hang around people you don't like and pretend to be nice to them."
Way_2_Go_Donny
"It’s not necessarily a good habit for sure, but women's networks rely upon collaboration so if you burn bridges, women can do a lot of damage to you socially with a bit of well placed gossip. Sadly. Women’s weapons are psychological devices, vs mens which may be more overtly aggressive."
Dry_Representative_9
Googley Eyes
Want You Love GIF by NICOLE DADDONAGiphy"How they can look at men and find them attractive. I’m an overweight turd and somehow I’ve managed to find one that finds me attractive."
mrtouchybum
We thank these ladies for answering these questions so candidly, in hopes of catching some of the men up to speed.
Do you have any burning questions or things you'd like to answer? Let us know in the comments.