Some people's stupidity can just flabbergast you. Oftentimes it comes out in an unexpected moment. For instance, once I was curled up next to someone. It was a winter day in the wee hours of the morning, we were watching big fat snowflakes drift through the ice crystallized trees.
Because of this beautiful setting we got on the subject of how amazing nature is. They mentioned how powerful nature can be, bringing up the supervolcano at Yellowstone. This is where things went sideways, as they began to explain to me how if the volcano were to erupt it would result in a supernova in space.
Still not sure how they got there, honestly I just changed the subject because it seemed easier than a 5 am science lesson.
Redditor KarvedHeart wanted to hear the stupidest things others have heard.
They asked:
"What is the stupidest thing you have ever heard out of someone's mouth?"
*screams in geography*
“USA specific. I'm from New Mexico. In high school, I was talking with a group of people in my history class about where we were from. When I mentioned I was born and raised in NM, one of the girls (She was from Cali I believe) got really excited and asked if she could see my green card.”
“She had never seen one before, but she was positive that people in this state are given a birth certificate along with a green card. Because of the Mexico part. I had to explain that we didn't get green cards, because NEW Mexico is a state and not part of Mexico.” spooky_panic
How did they get into uni in the first place!?
“'I thought snow was just the dust that blows off mountains and rain was when the snow melted' 23 year old in one of my uni classes." ChemicalHedgehog6
avalanche GIFGiphyThey only wanted to pay for half the bottle...
“I worked at a bagel shop and I had a customer come in with a complaint one day after buying some nestle chocolate milk from us. So here is how the story goes:"
“We had a guy come in and accuse us of selling and charging him for 2 bottles worth of chocolate milk inside of one bottle when he only wanted 'one serving'. I guess he thought it was a super large or something? (We only have one size, and it isn't that big) His reasoning for thinking that?"
“On the bottle of chocolate milk it says that a thoughtful serving is half the bottle, so he thought one bottle = 2 bottles of chocolate milk and he only wanted one. I had to explain to this guy that a thoughtful portion was just a recommendation by Nestle that he only drink half the bottle because it's healthier."
"And it's not that there are two chocolate milk bottles in the one bottle he bought. Then he told us we should be less confusing, and then I had to explain to him that we do not own nestle and do not have a chocolate milk factory in the back of the shop where we make and produce the chocolate milk."
"Then he said he no longer wanted it because he is "hearing now that it is not fresh" so he tried to get a refund on a half drunk chocolate milk and I had to explain to him that no, we can not do that. And then he left in a huff. I know it sounds unbelievable, but it really is true. People this stupid exist in our world as members of society." Timothy_McEvoy
“Left footed”
“‘How do left handed people drive?’ -my sister. As she then proceeded to try and drive ‘left footed’.” thats_up_top
Almost like teaching CRT is important...
“If the holocaust was real, why didnt the jews just get out? Edit: as in.....walk out of the camps they were held in.” Y_10HK29
“I've had way too many people ask/"ask" me this regarding slavery. ‘Why didn't they just up and leave, or up and murder the enslavers? There's 50 of them and 5 of the family that owned them!’”
“Idk man, perhaps because a nation whose laws, economy, and customs actively supported slavery somehow didn't also have many pathways for escaped people to just waltz away and live freely, or much in the way of legal loopholes that would allow them to murder people without repercussions.”
“Plus when enslavement is race-based, anyone who looks a particular way walking around freely would draw suspicion from literally everyone who saw them.” Much_Difference
But he became a real boy!
“On a tour bus in Italy. A tourist kept asking to see Pinocchio's grave. The tour guide explained he wasn't a real boy. The tourist again said, but where is he buried? He just wasn't understanding."
“Edit: We were in Florence and the guide was sharing stories about Carlo Collodi, Pinocchio's creator. She later shared other hilarious stories about things tourists asked about." AlkahestGem
People Who Made A Lot Of Money From Something Totally Random | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
“Some dad’s breath...”
“At an old job we had balloons in the office leftover from a kids birthday party in the restaurant. A server comes in, and says 'Oh Balloons!' She then picked a balloon up OF THE GROUND, opened it, inhaled the air and said hello all excitedly.”
“She then goes 'Oh! Why didn't it work?' Her face when I explained to her that wasn't helium she had just breathed in, but some Dad's breath that'd been in the balloon for hours, was priceless.” SergeantSGT
Disgusted No Thank You GIF by Shark WeekGiphy“My bother in law plastered baby oil all over his body and sat out in the sun for 2hrs. I told him he was going to get skin cancer. His response ‘I don't believe in skin cancer’. This is the guy who refuses to have a microwave in his house because ‘they are bad for you’.” Cattangel63
To be fair his hair was fantastic and it was the 80s...
“It blew my mind when I found out that David Bowie's hair didn't always look like it did in Labyrinth. I was maybe 7 or so, and while I understood the concept of actors, I just thought as a rock star in the '80s that he looked like that all the time.” BangarangPita
David Bowie GIFGiphyAnd we have a winner...
“I worked at a hippy crystal store in the mall. These girls come up and are looking at our amethyst cathedrals. One reached out to touch it and her friend immediately held her back and pulled her away, yelling 'Don't touch that! It's Asthmathyst! Being around it gives you asthma'. She was genuinely upset…I stopped dead in my tracks when I heard that one." spooky_panic
“Water potatoes?”
“All of these stories are great. Mine isn't super crazy, but it always makes me laugh. My wife called me while I was at the store probably two years ago and told me to get a few things. She starts listing things off and says ‘can you get me some water potatoes’ I had to stop and reboot my brain because that was a sentence I had never heard before.”
“I thought she was messing with me but nope! Deadly serious. After a back and fourth of her trying to explain to me what in the hell it was she was asking for, I find out she wanted water chestnuts. So now they're just called water potatoes in my house.” King_Metzy
No that's definitely not it...
“When I was in high school, I took Latin, which ended up being about half language class and half Roman history class. One day, our teacher asked us if anyone knew what the Feast of the Lupercal was.”
“This kid's hand shot up and he said ‘Oooh! Oooh! Isn't that when the Jews eat their foreskins?’ Class was effectively canceled due to laughter. After about 10 minutes, our teacher got up, went into the next classroom, brought back that teacher and told the kid to repeat what he had said.”
“He did, and the other teacher just stood there, mouth open and shaking his head. 20 years later, my best friend and I still get a laugh out of this.” LastLingonberry3221
It can't unhinge like a snakes jaw for goodness sake!
“That I am technically not a twin because I was born 2 min earlier then my brother instead of exactly at the same time.” Kaporalisvarner
“one of the girls dead serious asked me what it was like living in igloos...”
“When I was in highschool (I'm from Toronto, Canada) I went to Chicago and went on a boat tour highlighting the architecture of the buildings around the city. While on there I began talking to a group of grade 12 students on a field trip from a high school just outside of Chicago.”
“I mentioned I was visiting from Canada and one of the girls dead serious asked me what it was like living in igloos and did we actually get around by dog sledding. It took a lot of people to convince her that Canadians don't all just live in igloos. She even topped it off by asking if our bathrooms were the same. Me and my mom could not get over it.” AcanthocephalaLost40
“I was at an all night coffee shop near a college campus. A jock was trying to impress his study partner with a 20 minute oratory that Watchmen -- the Zack Snyder adaptation of the graphic novel -- was ‘about love.’ His speech caused me physical pain from 2 tables over.”
“His study partner kept having giggle fits because she was watching me wince the whole time. Dude was trying so, so earnestly to impress her with his mind; I don't know how he didn't know he was getting laid that night, and it wasn't because of his brains. I wanted so desperately to walk over, hand him the condom from my wallet, and tell him not to breed.” Relevant-Slide2759
Wait mmmm, that's not how it works...
”My first time in the USA (I'm from South Africa), I met a girl and told her that I love being here but am sad that I'm missing my summer for her winter (it was December). She could not understand how it was a different season in the Southern Hemisphere. Could not comprehend Christmas in Summer.”
“Eventually I managed to convince her of this truth. A few days later, she brought me a gift and said Happy Birthday to me (my birthday is July 16, she said HBD on December 16). She figured that since the seasons are switched the months must be switched too…” ziggyfro
Getting pulled over walking...
“A cop stopped me one day, as I was walking home from the corner store. He pulled up in front of me as I was about to cross the neighborhood street and snarls at me... What are you doing over here!? I said well I live here.. what are you doing here?"
“He says 'WELL WE GOT A CALL THAT THERE WAS SOMEONE RIDING A BIKE DOWN THIS STREET!' I couldn't help but let out a small giggle as I started to ask ok but why are You here tho?? First sir I didn't even know that was a thing."
“Like can people not ride bikes down the street anymore or are you only with people riding a bike down this particular one. ... In a low Harald and Kumar voice I added 'Is this your street, sir?' Haha so why did you stop and start questioning me then.. you realize I'm walking ?" SeirraD223
“Karen conspiracy theorist...”
“My mom thought america made covid to economically reset the world and she thought my brother was on vacation in North Korea. My mom is mostly smart but sometimes she just becomes some Karen conspiracy theorist for some reason." jurredbeste21
Not exactly, try again...
“A friend of my brother saw a picture of mount rushmore and said ‘hey guys, look at the beatles’. I mean, sure, i also think that john, paul, ringo and george should have been presidents, buuuut.” torpedolina
Well if these weren't enough to make your brain hit and want to fund education we don't know what will.
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"What did your company do to “save money” but ended up costing the company lots of money instead?"
You May Get A Little Hot...
"Shut off the HVAC system to save on electricity costs during the summer."
"Had to pay over half a million in mold remediation costs."
"F*cking morons."- dinosore
Never View People As An Expense
"Lay off a bunch of veteran people so they can bring in newer workers for cheaper."
"They find they couldn't bring in newer people for cheaper so they hire newer people at close to the same price as the veteran workers."
"Veteran workers are mad they have to train somebody making almost the same as they are with no experience and start leaving."
"Company has to pay fewer remaining veteran workers even more to get them to stay while paying inexperienced workers close to what the workers they just laid off were making."
"To my knowledge, prior to the lay offs, the veteran workers weren't even complaining about pay."
"Now the department is at a worse state and more expensive than what it was prior to their plan to save money."- Frankie__Spankie
Simply Illogical
"The roof of our building was leaking bad."
"Got quotes for doing just a third of the roof and for doing a whole new roof."
"They choose to do third of the roof."
"All it did was move the leak."
"A month later they did the whole roof."
"They would have paid a lot less had they done it right the first time."- sonsonmcnugget
Cat Olympics GIFGiphyLocation, Location, Location! Or Not...
"Business travelers must fly to the closest airport to the destination."
"Is Airport A one mile closer to the destination than Airport B?"
"Yes."
"Are the airline tickets 2x as expensive?"
"Also yes." - Reddit
A Hospital Is Nothing Without Its Nurses!
"Underpaying the nurses so they quit and had to pay agency 3x the going rate."- junotinychonk
The Dangers Of Outsourcing
"Moved 'corporate' phone support from UK to India for a very large fizzy drinks company, despite the contract saying guaranteed UK support."
"Over 50k phones canceled and moved to their rival."- WimbleWimble
"Someone I know worked for the 'oldest American' hoist company."
"They decided to outsource production to china."
"The cost of transport, losses, customs, etc made the Chinese hoists just as expensive as their American-made ones and then the Chinese company stole the plan to make and sell themselves for less."- Diabetesh
You Never Know When You're Going To Need Them...
"Company ran a campaign for 'outside the box' ideas in cost cutting, with stock awards for proven savings."
"Our facility maintenance manager claimed a $300k savings by eliminating unnecessary capital spare parts in the warehouse and received a $30k award."
"Six months later a critical compressor failed resulting in the plant reducing to half capacity at a $500k per day profit loss."
"It would only take two days to repair, however, the parts were no longer in the warehouse."
"They were among those eliminated and sold for scrap."
"It took 90 days to receive replacements."
"Total loss to our company was just over $50 MILLION."- eron6000ad
God Forbid People Are Rewarded For Good Work
"I used to work at a place with a sizable distribution center and thousands of SKUs."
"The warehouse's team of pickers was a great group of folks."
"They were fast, extremely accurate, and very good at their jobs."
'I brought them cookies on a regular basis and made sure to take good care of them."
"One day, some f*cking walnut decided that they were 'making too much money' in incentive pay (they got a bonus for accuracy and for picking above and beyond their normal quota of items) so they canceled the picker incentive plan and bumped up their quota, saying 'it's their job, we're getting robbed paying them extra to do what they should be doing anyway!'"
"Pick rates began falling sharply within the first week or two, because the incentive pay for being an outstandingly fast and accurate picker made the otherwise crappy base pay for that job turn into a living wage."
"Warehouse staff was enraged by having their pay jacked with and now being unable to pay their bills while still being expected to perform as well as they did before, so they started performing to the old quota."
"Management did much finger wagging and tried to write up a couple of the top pickers for 'deliberately underperforming and hurting the company'."
"Those top tier workers refused to sign the writeups, walked out of our warehouse, walked into the warehouse of our direct competitor, and had new jobs that same day."
"The rest of the high performers followed over the next couple of weeks."
"Delivery routes got delayed because of the short staffing and loss of the best workers, customers got upset because they were receiving the wrong items or not getting them at all, and the sales team, which wasn't paid enough to get screamed at by angry customers, was furious."
"Cue a meeting with the sales team and the f*cking walnut, who proceeded to lecture everybody about how 'picking is an entry level job' and 'anybody could do it' and how they're going to bring in a bunch of temp labor 'because they will actually appreciate the opportunity'."
"Fast forward a few months and it turns out the temps are idiots and caused the number of pick and 'not on pallet' errors to increase, customers are now leaving in droves, and sales people are bailing out too."
"The company lost millions of dollars in business and had to lay off half the staff because they were going to go bankrupt otherwise."
"All this because some f*cking walnut thought they could squeeze the people at the bottom of the pile who actually did the work that made the company money."- nancybell_crewman
From $75 Max, To A $75 Steak...
"We used to get a travel per diem for our meals."
"Most people would eat cheap like get a free breakfast at the hotel and get a $5 footlong and split it for lunch and dinner and bank the rest."
"I traveled a lot so it was like a nice perk."
'The company got wind of this and changed their policy to we had to buy and expense all our meals."
"The problem was they had to have the same policy for all employees so they couldn’t put a cap on meals due to the sales guys having to take out clients and stuff."
"We took full advantage of it and ate like kings."
"My meals expenses were twice what they were paying in per diem."- velvet_satan
Woman Like Me Fine Dining GIF by Little MixGiphySafety First
"I used to be the head of security for a club that had the most tight-fisted owners I’ve ever heard of."
"I kept telling them that we were dangerously understaffed."
"The police told them the same."
"So did the fire brigade, they said there wasn’t enough of us to evacuate the venue if we had to, they were right too."
"The owners wouldn’t listen."
"The club was taking around 45k per week but they wouldn’t pay for radios for us to least be able to communicate."
"We had so many incidents there that it was just insane."
"There just wasn’t enough of us to actually watch the whole club and even when we did see something we couldn’t call for back up."
"I found a set of second hand radios for under £200 but they refused to buy them I ended up buying whistles for the team to at least give us something to use to get each others attention."
"They also wouldn’t pay to get CCTV installed which upset the local police."
"One night a bartender came out to the door and told me there was a fight inside, there was no security inside just 2 of us on the door."
"When we went in there was around 60 people brawling on the dance floor."
"We did what we could but it was beyond our control."
"Eventually the police arrived but wouldn’t come inside they stood outside and essentially instructed us to kick everyone out and they would keep them out."
"We spent 45 minutes dragging people out of there."
"Many people were injured and after the fight one of the guys who had been fighting came back and stabbed a guy he had fought with."
"The police decided enough was enough and approached the council who as expected revoked the premises license."
"They lost the club altogether."- operative87
Gig Economy...
"Not giving the guy doing 2.5 full-time jobs a slight raise, instead letting them walk and paying 3 new people (combined) at least twice what they were paying him to do all the same work at like 65 percent the quality level."- BigPZ
Experience Matters...
"Consolidated the sales departments and made salespeople stop selling the stuff they knew how to sell and forced them to try to sell products they weren't familiar with to customers they had no history with."
"Company almost went out of business in a matter of months, and this was not a small company."- MostBotsAreBad
Sell Salesman GIF by Ryan SerhantGiphyNeedless to say, a business needs money to operate.
But money should never be the driving force behind the decision.
At least not over quality, practicality, and the well being of your employees.
Redditor arisal3 wanted to chat about how to improve the sandwich, so they asked:
"What makes a sandwich go from boring to amazing?"
I say mayo. Mayo. MAYO! More and always.
That's the key improvement.
Elevation
fast food eating GIF by Feliks Tomasz KonczakowskiGiphy"Seasoning and toasting the bread can seriously elevate a sandwich."
lovelyteaparty
"I like boring sandwiches, but toasting the bread 100% improves them. Especially if there is cheese on the sandwich."
Hawntir
Additions
"At the best sandwich places, all the vegetables are basically prepared like side dishes. Marinated, seasoned, grilled, or something."
han7nah
"Vinegar, whether its a dressing, mustard, brined pickles olives or anything else. Vinegar is king. Its also why i use hot sauce on everything."
eggsaladrightnow
"Gonna sound weird but banana peppers in mayo with hot relish. Got delivered someone else's order once and been addicted since."
Johnnyocean
You Do It
"Someone else making it."
unclebobsplayground
"I actually saw an article years ago about some study where they basically confirmed this. Smelling and handling the ingredients before eating the sandwich reduced cravings for and appreciation of the finished product, similar to how the fourth or fifth bite is less exciting than the first because you've gotten used to it."
Palazzo505
Pointed Issues
"Cutting it in half, diagonally."
grantnel2002
"Chef John from the fantastic https://youtube.com/@foodwishes YouTube channel often says 'It's a scientifically proven fact: people like pointy food.'"
shaggydogg
"All the fancy kids at school always had theirs cut diagonally. But our lunch tubbies were square so if it was cut diagonally, it won't fit in. My mom refused to buy new lunch tubbies just because I wanted my bread cut differently. Now that I am all grown up I ALWAYS cut mine diagonally and it is just wonderful. Simply wonderful."
magic7ball
A little touch...
salt salting GIFGiphy"Salt and pepper on the veggies."
beyd1
"Especially tomatoes. Always season your tomatoes before sandwiching."
BigShoots
Those small changes go a long way.
Starving
Hungry Orange And Black GIF by GarfieldGiphy"Hunger. It's amazing how amazing even a boring sandwich can taste when you're famished."
Somnif
The Spice
"Sweet 'n spicy mustard."
Cab8675
"Came to say basically any type of good sauce. Depending on the sandwich, chipotle or herb aioli, spicy mustard, pesto, or even just olive oil (infused is better) and vinegar."
wxmanify
"Philly cheesesteaks are my favorite sandwich, and there’s this local restaurant that makes the best one I’ve ever had."
"The main thing is that the add creole mustard to it. The bread, meat, and everything else is also really good, but that mustard takes it too another level. I never would’ve thought to put a spicy sauce on a cheesesteak (though I don’t know much about cooking)."
Frosty_Analysis_4912
The Feel
"Wrap it tightly in butcher paper after making. The compression marries all the ingredients together and pushes condiments into the crevices of the bread. Even if you're just going to eat it right after making it, a little time wrapped up seriously improves the flavor and feel of the sandwich."
LemFliggity
Just a Touch
"r/EatSandwiches assemble! In my opinion, dressing your greens is critical to a sandwich getting to that next level."
"Typically, for cold cuts, this is a vinaigrette dressing for me. But in hot sandwiches (e.g. the roast pork at DiNic’s in Philly) the greens are braised and thereby dressed as well."
"A touch of olive oil or butter and some fresh salt and pepper will never fail you either."
bpd52
It all changes...
Episode 1 Mind Blown GIF by The OfficeGiphy"Caramelized onion jam. It's a freaking game changer. Sourdough with Comté and BellaVitano expresso rubbed cheese, as a grilled cheese."
TheLivingShit
Now let's go make some sandwiches.
Do you have any other hacks to share? Let us know in the comments.