People Divulge The Stupidest Thing They've Ever Heard Come Out Of Someone's Mouth
Some people's stupidity can just flabbergast you. Oftentimes it comes out in an unexpected moment. For instance, once I was curled up next to someone. It was a winter day in the wee hours of the morning, we were watching big fat snowflakes drift through the ice crystallized trees.
Because of this beautiful setting we got on the subject of how amazing nature is. They mentioned how powerful nature can be, bringing up the supervolcano at Yellowstone. This is where things went sideways, as they began to explain to me how if the volcano were to erupt it would result in a supernova in space.
Still not sure how they got there, honestly I just changed the subject because it seemed easier than a 5 am science lesson.
Redditor KarvedHeart wanted to hear the stupidest things others have heard.
"What is the stupidest thing you have ever heard out of someone's mouth?"
*screams in geography*
“USA specific. I'm from New Mexico. In high school, I was talking with a group of people in my history class about where we were from. When I mentioned I was born and raised in NM, one of the girls (She was from Cali I believe) got really excited and asked if she could see my green card.”
“She had never seen one before, but she was positive that people in this state are given a birth certificate along with a green card. Because of the Mexico part. I had to explain that we didn't get green cards, because NEW Mexico is a state and not part of Mexico.” spooky_panic
How did they get into uni in the first place!?
“'I thought snow was just the dust that blows off mountains and rain was when the snow melted' 23 year old in one of my uni classes." ChemicalHedgehog6avalanche GIFGiphy
They only wanted to pay for half the bottle...
“I worked at a bagel shop and I had a customer come in with a complaint one day after buying some nestle chocolate milk from us. So here is how the story goes:"
“We had a guy come in and accuse us of selling and charging him for 2 bottles worth of chocolate milk inside of one bottle when he only wanted 'one serving'. I guess he thought it was a super large or something? (We only have one size, and it isn't that big) His reasoning for thinking that?"
“On the bottle of chocolate milk it says that a thoughtful serving is half the bottle, so he thought one bottle = 2 bottles of chocolate milk and he only wanted one. I had to explain to this guy that a thoughtful portion was just a recommendation by Nestle that he only drink half the bottle because it's healthier."
"And it's not that there are two chocolate milk bottles in the one bottle he bought. Then he told us we should be less confusing, and then I had to explain to him that we do not own nestle and do not have a chocolate milk factory in the back of the shop where we make and produce the chocolate milk."
"Then he said he no longer wanted it because he is "hearing now that it is not fresh" so he tried to get a refund on a half drunk chocolate milk and I had to explain to him that no, we can not do that. And then he left in a huff. I know it sounds unbelievable, but it really is true. People this stupid exist in our world as members of society." Timothy_McEvoy
“‘How do left handed people drive?’ -my sister. As she then proceeded to try and drive ‘left footed’.” thats_up_top
Almost like teaching CRT is important...
“If the holocaust was real, why didnt the jews just get out? Edit: as in.....walk out of the camps they were held in.” Y_10HK29
“I've had way too many people ask/"ask" me this regarding slavery. ‘Why didn't they just up and leave, or up and murder the enslavers? There's 50 of them and 5 of the family that owned them!’”
“Idk man, perhaps because a nation whose laws, economy, and customs actively supported slavery somehow didn't also have many pathways for escaped people to just waltz away and live freely, or much in the way of legal loopholes that would allow them to murder people without repercussions.”
“Plus when enslavement is race-based, anyone who looks a particular way walking around freely would draw suspicion from literally everyone who saw them.” Much_Difference
But he became a real boy!
“On a tour bus in Italy. A tourist kept asking to see Pinocchio's grave. The tour guide explained he wasn't a real boy. The tourist again said, but where is he buried? He just wasn't understanding."
“Edit: We were in Florence and the guide was sharing stories about Carlo Collodi, Pinocchio's creator. She later shared other hilarious stories about things tourists asked about." AlkahestGem
People Who Made A Lot Of Money From Something Totally Random | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
“Some dad’s breath...”
“At an old job we had balloons in the office leftover from a kids birthday party in the restaurant. A server comes in, and says 'Oh Balloons!' She then picked a balloon up OF THE GROUND, opened it, inhaled the air and said hello all excitedly.”
“She then goes 'Oh! Why didn't it work?' Her face when I explained to her that wasn't helium she had just breathed in, but some Dad's breath that'd been in the balloon for hours, was priceless.” SergeantSGTDisgusted No Thank You GIF by Shark WeekGiphy
“My bother in law plastered baby oil all over his body and sat out in the sun for 2hrs. I told him he was going to get skin cancer. His response ‘I don't believe in skin cancer’. This is the guy who refuses to have a microwave in his house because ‘they are bad for you’.” Cattangel63
To be fair his hair was fantastic and it was the 80s...
“It blew my mind when I found out that David Bowie's hair didn't always look like it did in Labyrinth. I was maybe 7 or so, and while I understood the concept of actors, I just thought as a rock star in the '80s that he looked like that all the time.” BangarangPitaDavid Bowie GIFGiphy
And we have a winner...
“I worked at a hippy crystal store in the mall. These girls come up and are looking at our amethyst cathedrals. One reached out to touch it and her friend immediately held her back and pulled her away, yelling 'Don't touch that! It's Asthmathyst! Being around it gives you asthma'. She was genuinely upset…I stopped dead in my tracks when I heard that one." spooky_panic
“All of these stories are great. Mine isn't super crazy, but it always makes me laugh. My wife called me while I was at the store probably two years ago and told me to get a few things. She starts listing things off and says ‘can you get me some water potatoes’ I had to stop and reboot my brain because that was a sentence I had never heard before.”
“I thought she was messing with me but nope! Deadly serious. After a back and fourth of her trying to explain to me what in the hell it was she was asking for, I find out she wanted water chestnuts. So now they're just called water potatoes in my house.” King_Metzy
No that's definitely not it...
“When I was in high school, I took Latin, which ended up being about half language class and half Roman history class. One day, our teacher asked us if anyone knew what the Feast of the Lupercal was.”
“This kid's hand shot up and he said ‘Oooh! Oooh! Isn't that when the Jews eat their foreskins?’ Class was effectively canceled due to laughter. After about 10 minutes, our teacher got up, went into the next classroom, brought back that teacher and told the kid to repeat what he had said.”
“He did, and the other teacher just stood there, mouth open and shaking his head. 20 years later, my best friend and I still get a laugh out of this.” LastLingonberry3221
It can't unhinge like a snakes jaw for goodness sake!
“That I am technically not a twin because I was born 2 min earlier then my brother instead of exactly at the same time.” Kaporalisvarner
“one of the girls dead serious asked me what it was like living in igloos...”
“When I was in highschool (I'm from Toronto, Canada) I went to Chicago and went on a boat tour highlighting the architecture of the buildings around the city. While on there I began talking to a group of grade 12 students on a field trip from a high school just outside of Chicago.”
“I mentioned I was visiting from Canada and one of the girls dead serious asked me what it was like living in igloos and did we actually get around by dog sledding. It took a lot of people to convince her that Canadians don't all just live in igloos. She even topped it off by asking if our bathrooms were the same. Me and my mom could not get over it.” AcanthocephalaLost40
“I was at an all night coffee shop near a college campus. A jock was trying to impress his study partner with a 20 minute oratory that Watchmen -- the Zack Snyder adaptation of the graphic novel -- was ‘about love.’ His speech caused me physical pain from 2 tables over.”
“His study partner kept having giggle fits because she was watching me wince the whole time. Dude was trying so, so earnestly to impress her with his mind; I don't know how he didn't know he was getting laid that night, and it wasn't because of his brains. I wanted so desperately to walk over, hand him the condom from my wallet, and tell him not to breed.” Relevant-Slide2759
Wait mmmm, that's not how it works...
”My first time in the USA (I'm from South Africa), I met a girl and told her that I love being here but am sad that I'm missing my summer for her winter (it was December). She could not understand how it was a different season in the Southern Hemisphere. Could not comprehend Christmas in Summer.”
“Eventually I managed to convince her of this truth. A few days later, she brought me a gift and said Happy Birthday to me (my birthday is July 16, she said HBD on December 16). She figured that since the seasons are switched the months must be switched too…” ziggyfro
Getting pulled over walking...
“A cop stopped me one day, as I was walking home from the corner store. He pulled up in front of me as I was about to cross the neighborhood street and snarls at me... What are you doing over here!? I said well I live here.. what are you doing here?"
“He says 'WELL WE GOT A CALL THAT THERE WAS SOMEONE RIDING A BIKE DOWN THIS STREET!' I couldn't help but let out a small giggle as I started to ask ok but why are You here tho?? First sir I didn't even know that was a thing."
“Like can people not ride bikes down the street anymore or are you only with people riding a bike down this particular one. ... In a low Harald and Kumar voice I added 'Is this your street, sir?' Haha so why did you stop and start questioning me then.. you realize I'm walking ?" SeirraD223
“Karen conspiracy theorist...”
“My mom thought america made covid to economically reset the world and she thought my brother was on vacation in North Korea. My mom is mostly smart but sometimes she just becomes some Karen conspiracy theorist for some reason." jurredbeste21
Not exactly, try again...
“A friend of my brother saw a picture of mount rushmore and said ‘hey guys, look at the beatles’. I mean, sure, i also think that john, paul, ringo and george should have been presidents, buuuut.” torpedolina
Well if these weren't enough to make your brain hit and want to fund education we don't know what will.
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The Worst Inventions Humanity Has Ever Come Up With
We'd be lying if we said we haven't all made a poor decision in our lives. Whether it's letting a questionable ex back into our lives or pairing that shirt with those jeans, we all have a cringey memory to look back on.
But most of us don't have memories of inventing something terrible, let alone one of the worst inventions ever.
Redditor NPT1506 asked:
"What is the worst human invention ever made?"
"That little 'Press to Open' tab on Kraft Mac 'n' cheese boxes. That has been an effective way of opening those boxes exactly zero times."
"K Cups. The pollution of all that single-use plastic."
Teeny Tiny Bits of Plastic
"Glitter. It N E V E R goes away."
"My printer one day just up and stopped working claiming I needed to replace a part. As it turned out, that part is meant to stop working when the printer reaches 5000 pages."
"I took the part out. There’s no damage or wear on it. So I ordered a 'reset chip' that reset the page count for that part to zero. Cost me $20 vs $110 for a replacement part."
"Later on, I found a way to enable tech mode on my printer to reset the page count for any part I want. Then again, the printer is old, and the WiFi stopped working a few weeks ago, requiring me to use direct WiFi, which sucks."
It's Getting Personal
"Serious answer: chemical toxins that have caused severe health problems."
"Personal answer: HP printers. F**king pieces of s**t."
Unholy Packing Solutions, Batman
"Styrofoam is pretty abominable in my book, especially for things like takeout food that’s destined for the trash within minutes of use."
"Child beauty pageant events."
Profit for Who
"Which leads to state prosecutors who are beholden to them. This increases the probability of being charged with a crime you didn't commit, under the plan that you're too poor to defend yourself and will plead out."
"They can't make a profit without prosecutors feeding them an ever-increasing supply of prisoners (plus parolees and probationers in "offender-funded" programs). It's a recipe for the corruption of our justice system."
"Private prisons are arguably foreign enemy assets."
Addictive Pay-to-Win Games
"Pay to Win Games, especially mobile games."
"Cigarettes. They never should have been made."
"Possibly leaded gasoline. It poisoned billions and left multiple generations more violent and less intelligent."
Reminders of War
"Landmines. They don't just disappear once a war is over. They'll stay around to kill some kids playing. Awful things."
"I’ll say Nerve Toxins/Chemical Weapons. I find few things worse than a weapon that literally gives you the slowest and most agonizing death possible."
"While nukes are horrible beyond imagination, humanity learned to avoid them as a way to ensure their own survival, it's wise, but egoistical nonetheless."
"Chemical weapons on the other hand traumatized the f**k out of the survivors and the ones who called the attacks and got to see the aftermath. They were so horrible that many soldiers deserted after using them and many went mad."
"Throughout the last century, we successfully banned almost all of those: the 1925 geneva protocol, the 1980 chemical weapons convention, among others, but I'm afraid when the next generations start to forget the horrors of chemical warfare, it will resurface in the likes of what's happening with fascism."
From modern inconveniences to climate changing inventions to the literal stuff of war, there are serious contenders here for the worst invention in human history. It would be hard to choose just one.
Things People Were Told By Adults As A Kid That Turned Out To Be Total BS
Children believe what their parents tell them about the world to be true because they don't know any better.
That doesn't mean they have to like what they are told. But a good child listens and will act accordingly to be in their parents' good graces.
But sometimes, adults abuse their power and say whatever it takes to get a desired response from a young one–even if what they're saying may not be entirely true.
Curious to hear from those who've eventually become wise to the ways of a parent or other adult figure, Redditor i_cant_have_dairy asked:
"What's something you were told as a child by adults, that you now realize is complete bullsh*t?"
Parents hoping to prevent a bad habit had interesting things to impart.
Advancing Bone Degeneration
"Cracking your fingers make you get arthritis."
"If you keep masturbating, you'll go blind."
Interesting things were said in school but not everything stuck.
The Threat That Didn't Land
"HS teachers: 'That stuff won't fly in college" College: ✈️✈️✈️✈️'
An Easy Pass For Today
"I got this BS all through school. 'I'll let this slide, but don't think you'll get away it next year...' "You can do this now, but don't think it'll happen in Middle School...' 'Don't expect to get away with this in High School...' 'Yeah, we'll let this go in High School, but if you think you'll get that sort of accomodation in college/the real world...(evil laugh)'. "
"Eventually, I caught on that it was more dependent on the teacher's attitude rather than anything else. Small example, in high school I couldn't remember the name of a town on a test, but I could remember everything else, even drew the diagram the teacher had the board in the margin, just to prove I had paid attention that day. Still got marked wrong. In college, similar brain fart, couldn't recall a place name, but I put as much description as I could otherwise. Professor gave me half credit."
The Wrong Impression
"DARE activities in primary school gave the impression that grownups would always be giving away narcotics for free. lol"
"That a degree would open all the doors and knowing about politics, history and general stuff would make me an interesting person and that socializing was a waste of time. Nowadays I work for a big4 but I have the personality of a boiled potato. And they have the nerves to ask why I don't have a girlfriend or more friends at 27. Teach your kids social skills. Studying is not everything."
Certain behaviors get fact-checked.
The Thing About Respect
"That you gotta have respect for you elders.... Don't get me wrong you gotta have respect for everyone but I'm only gonna give what you give me. If you are a butthole ima be a butthole."
There Are No Stupid Questions...Maybe
“No harm in asking', boy did that get me in trouble…"
'Just ignore them and they'll go away.'
"No it doesn't. It just makes them laugh so they do it more."
Getting Old But Never Wiser
"That adults know what they are doing."
"31 and I feel like a chicken with his head cut off."
You Are Not What You Eat
"That you can't be full unless you eat bread. Carbs actually make you hungrier. Protein fills you up."
"Also: if you drink coffee, you'll grow a tail. Don't ask me where I'm from."
I was a very rambunctious and obnoxious kid, so maybe I deserved the tactic my mother resorted to using to get me to be on my best behavior.
Whenever I acted out, my mother used to convince me she would call the "mountain people" to come back and retrieve me back to the community from where she claimed to have initially found and adopted me.
One time, when I was incredulous and stood my ground after being a pain, my mother told me the mountain people were going to take me back.
So she called them up by using our rotary-dial telephone and faked a whole conversation with them about how unruly I've been and that it was time for me to return.
She sent me to my room to start packing–which I did. Unbeknownst to me, she rang the doorbell to indicate they had arrived to take me away.
When that happened, I profusely apologized to her and promised to behave so she could send them away.
That was the last time she used that effective tactic and the last time I think I was at my worst in terms of my rebellious behavior.
We laugh about it now but back then, I was terrified.
But I can't discredit her for her creative discipline.
No two people have the same threshold for pain.
Some people don't even notice pricking their fingers, while others might equate doing so to being fully amputated.
No matter one's threshold, however, being in pain, big or small, is never a good feeling.
Particularly if it's the sort of pain that aspirin or ibuprofen can't take care of.
Some pain is so horrific that those suffering from it genuinely can't imagine going through anything worse.
"What's the worst physical pain you have ever had?"
"I am a heart-transplant recipient."
"The absolute worst experience of my life was when the tool used to take tissue samples of the heart (biopsy) to check for rejections got stuck and the doctor tried to use force to get it out, he failed."
"Mind you, you shouldn't be able to feel anything in the transplanted heart."
"I felt everything."- Beastrix
Seriously, What Haven't They Been Through?
"Having A UTI after covid that also had light pneumonia."
"Falling on my hands and knees while my backpack full of school books to return [2011 for book reference] that slammed into my back."
"I have scoliosis already and it threw my back out."
"Or my hip dislocating."
"It still dislocates."- Fluffy-Doubt-3547
"Like 10,000 knives in my stomach."- coffeedogsandwine
You Know Its Bad When Surgery's The Only Solution
"Ended up having my gal bladder removed."
"And I've broken my knee skiing which also required surgery."
"Minor annoyance in comparison."- Fracture_98
"I had a doctor once reset a broken bone in my wrist."
"He pushed it back."
"Worst pain I have ever felt."
"I screamed at him 'F*CK YOU, MOTHERF**KER!!'"
"He was nice about it though, and just laughed."- OttersOfNorthAmerica
Headache's Are Never Fun
"Chronic Cluster Headaches."- noiamnotyourfriend
"Worst headache of my life with migraine."
"And with it, an increase in blood pressure."
"I just lay on the floor and couldn't move."
"It cannot be described in words, but I have already vomited everything that is possible, and instinct made me writhe in the urge to give out something that has not been there for a long time."- Exciting_Composer_86
"I had a root canal done on a tooth that wasn’t numb."
"I didn’t realize it until they scraped the nerve out of the bottom of the root."
"It hurt so bad I completely blacked out."- victrola_cola
"Welp I guess now's the time."
"If you're squeamish turn away."
"Allow me to tell you the story of the gigash*t."
"I always had stomach issues."
"One holiday I ate too much dairy and gravy and it didn't agree with me."
"I already had constipation issues, most likely due to college stress, under hydration, and lactose intolerance that I didn't know I had at the time."
"I was hunched over in pain for hours."
"I had been stuck for a week or so and I wanted it out."
"The pain got progressively worse and worse across the day, and then it got to a height. It hurt so bad I cancelled my holiday visits and hobbled to the toilet."
"Little did I know what horrors awaited me."
"I don't know how long I was in there fighting for my life."
"At some point I had pulled a dresser over to lean my head and arms on because I was so exhausted and in pain, and I needed something to help keep my legs up."
"I clung to it like a castaway clings to flotsam."
"I felt like I should have seen a doctor, but I was already hell bound now, couldn't quit after all this work."
"I actually tried to use wipes to pull some of it out by hand, but it was like chiseling at hardening clay, and it was stuck like glue to my dying organs."
"I was certain I was dying too, but I wasn't going to give up."
"I wasn't going to let the football in my guts win."
"I clenched and pushed and suffered for what felt like hours."
"Then, at the height of my pain, it fell like a single brick with a clunk."
"I was huffing and puffing."
"It was like I just gave birth, and my a** was obliterated to the point where it was sore for the rest of the day."
"My guts actually felt empty."
"It's hard to explain, but I never felt so light in my life, despite how horribly the rest of my body ached."
"I was but a husk for the small football shaped demon spawn to shed, and now I was free."
"I immediately went to bed, still unbelievably sore."
"I recovered, but that was the absolute worst."
"Moral of the story, drink your water and eat your fiber, and for God's sake don't eat too much cheese."- mysterious_greenbean
Just When They Thought The Worst Was Over
"Woke up to to a huge spider right next to my face on my pillow."
"My reaction was to jump out of bed screaming bloody murder."
"I landed on the leg I had surgery in the day before, the leg gave out and I hit it hard on the bedframe and tore the wound."
"I passed out from the pain."- mistaekeish
Hopefully Not Simultaneously?!
"Kidney infection and tooth infection have been the absolute worst."- SexyChronicPain
Our Bones Are More Delicate Than We Might Think
"Skull bone infection (osteomyelitis) stemming from a tooth abscess, ended up with 3 front teeth out through high school."
"It took around 11 extraction/bone graft/implant surgeries for like 5 years of my life."
"But I’m all good now."
" Oh and f*ck broken ribs."- throwaway19273919
Thankfully, not all pain is chronic, and only lasts a short time.
If pain is unbearable enough, however, the memory of it can last a life time.
People Divulge The Most F**ked Up Thing They've Ever Done
We've all done things we aren't proud of.
Be it saying something behind someone's back, a prank that went a little too far, or a heated exchange with a friend or family member, everyone has crossed the line at one point or another.
Thankfully, more often than not, these mistakes can be salvaged with an apology and a little contrition.
Unless you've done something that goes well beyond a simple "I'm sorry."
We’re talking about actions that can only be described as "f*cked up."
"Redditors, what is the most fucked up thing you have ever done?"
Duplicity Never Pays Off
"I’m a recovered heroin addict (9 years sober), and I have a lot of stories of how much of a sh*t person I use to be."
"I really can’t gauge what my worst moment would be, but I can post a story or two definitely."
"One day, I was flat broke and on my last bag of dope. My 'neighborhood pharmacist' just recently was arrested for a dui."
"Brainstorming, I came up with an idea to try and get some pills at the e.r. I still had med insurance at the moment, so I thought this was my best option."
"My buddy came by and we were hanging out outside smoking a cigarette and trying to figure out how to get hurt, just enough to get some pills, but not enough to actually have permanent repercussions."
"There was this big cinder block beside my garage, and I decided to drop it on my foot in hopes of just breaking a toe at most."
"I stood outside on the concrete patio for about five minutes with the cinderblock trying to hype myself up enough to drop it on my foot."
"I couldn’t do it, psyched myself out too much."
"I told my friend that he would have to do it for me, and he said OK."
"He held it about waist high and dropped it on my foot."
"I knew it wasn’t enough damage so I told him that he needed to put it up higher and drop it again to which he did."
"So go to the hospital tell them that I was carrying boxes downstairs to the basement and dropped them when I slipped on the bottom step so I go back, get x-rays, and I am in the waiting room."
"Dr comes in and tells me that I’ve torn numerous ligaments in my foot and probably would hurt less if I had just broke my foot."
"Hearing this I was excited thinking yes I just scored."
"I Didn’t care about the pain at the moment just happy that I just potentially scored."
"They release me, and hand me a script."
"They wrote me a script for ibuprofen 800mg."
When Pranks Stop Being Funny
"Was night manager at fast food establishment during college."
"There was a bitter prank rivalry between our establishment and the Subway next to us."
"After months of prank escalation, I crammed a rotting hamburger patty in the handle of the Subway manager's trunk lid so he went knuckle deep in rotting burger when he went home."
"That was the end of the prank war and I've never forgiven myself for crossing the red line."- Quivum
How Ironic This Happened At A Therapists Office
"I’m gonna rat my little sister out."
"During our parents’ divorce & custody battle, we were forced to sit in on family counseling sessions."
"I was 12 & she was 8."
"We thought my Mom was acting funny & might have been banging the counselor on the side for her own personal testimonial interests (still not confirmed)."
"So we were pissed off because we loved our Mom and our Dad."
"It seemed like the counselor favored our mom over our Dad, and it got rough sometimes watching him become outed by the only 2 adult forces who didn’t love him in this world."
"ANYWAY, my little sister and I were left alone in his office, and she decided she was gonna take a sh*t in his little trash can to assert dominance."
"It was asserted."
"We never went back."- Pleasant-Security831
When You Gotta Go...
"Ugh this was an embarrassing one that I hope no one ever finds out."
"One night a few years ago, we (my boyfriend and his family) get Chinese food from our favorite little place."
"For some reason this night it doesn't sit well with me."
"An hour after eating I get that intensely sick feeling, like you have to poop so bad that you want to throw up."
"Whatever, I go upstairs and destroy the bathroom."
"It's important to note, there's two bathrooms upstairs and none downstairs, which is like a little apartment where my boyfriend and I stay."
"After I'm sure my bowels are empty, I go back down to lay in bed."
"Thought I could nap it off."
"Nah, about 30 seconds after laying down I get the urge to go again."
"I run upstairs and to my horror, both bathrooms are occupied. His sister is refusing to get of the shower even though it's an emergency and his dad is blowing up the other toilet, presumably suffering a similar fate to mine."
"I begrudgingly go sit in bed and contemplate my options as the bubbling in my gut grows worse."
"Bust down the bathroom door and traumatize his sister?"
"Make the 30 minute drive home?"
"No, it was urgent."
"I even thought about sh*tting my pants (against my will) and dealing with the embarrassment."
"God I don't want to subject my future in-laws to that."
"I begrudgingly realize my only option is to go outside like nature intended."
"Their yard is very open and it was a super bright-moonlit night, so there was no place to do it without feeling super exposed."
"Except for under the trampoline."
"My thought process was: no one has used the trampoline for years, and it's out of sight/ walking range so no one could accidentally step in it."
"Great. I do my business, get soaked in the process ( it was slightly raining and the trampoline was POURING water on me), clean up with napkins and wet wipes, come inside. Immediately throw up in the trash can from the shock/embarrassment/anxiety/sickness."
"Clean that up and immediately go to bed."
"Everything was fine for a few days, until my boyfriend's dad lightheartedly tells me how he was late for work that morning."
"The dog had rolled in some shit and he had to get a bath."
"I felt like throwing up all over again, but thankfully everyone just suspected it was some type of animal poop."-WeirdConnections
Revenge Is Seldom The Answer
"My hometown is generally pretty middle-class to poor."
"There's a bunch of rich people that live in the woods and one of them had a kid that went to our high school and bullied the f*ck out of the kids that weren't as wealthy."
"That sh*t head grew up and bought a Camaro last summer and removed the muffler so it would be the loudest thing in town."
"On new years eve of 2021, he decided to ruin a town tradition and lapped the town common with it during the tree lighting ceremony. while people were caroling and giving thanks."
"Summer of last year, me and a friend decided it was time to get revenge because nobody wanted to do anything about it."
"My friend's dad owned a junkyard and they recently got an old train horn from a busted diesel that ended up there."
"We spent a good week getting it set up in the back of his work truck and decided to wait on it for a little while."
"A month or so later, we found out he was having a party of some kind with other rich folks and his family but we didn't know what it was about, so we carefully parked outside his house on the opposite side of his fence."
"Right as it was starting, we blasted the train horn and peeled out before anyone knew what happened."
"News got out later and we found out the party we bombed was actually a wake for his late grandfather."- G4rg0yle_Art1st
Seemed Harmless At The Time...
"You know how people bag up their leaves and leave them out by the street?"
"As a teen we used to go out at night and dump them back out on people's lawns."
"Thinking about it now I would be so pissed if someone did that to me."- Toastbuns
They Didn't Have ANY Doubts?...
"When I was about 15 a neighbor of ours stopped us in the road and chewed us out for riding our go-carts in the road."
"This despite the fact that it was a dirt road in a rural area which was the perfect place for riding go carts."
"He was a complete a**hole about it too."
"I don't know where I got the idea from but I promptly went home, called the electric company, pretended to be the neighbor, and told them I wanted my electricity turned off as we were moving."
"It was the eighties so they just looked the account up by name and address and promptly entered my request in the system."
"I'm sure it was just a minor inconvenience for them but they deserved it in my opinion."- BaconReceptacle
Personal Demons Are Hard To Fight
"The day before I stopped drinking alcohol altogether, I was in a really dark place for a number of reasons."
"And I was ABSOLUTELY using alcohol as a crutch."
"One of the reasons why I was in such a bad place, emotionally, was because my cousin was in decline due to glioblastoma."
"I was actively seeing this person, that I loved dearly, lose his sense of self and ability to understand conversations and situations."
"And he was young—just turned 50."
"There was a lot of light in the beginning, but considering that glioblastoma is effectively a stage-less brain cancer, it was almost guaranteed he would lose the battle."
"The day that I stopped drinking altogether was the day that I was supposed to drive him to a research institute for his monthly treatment and check-in."
"It was the only time I was asked to take on that level of responsibility, as his wife would normally take him."
"I helped in a bunch of different ways, like hanging out with him when he’d otherwise be alone, but this appointment was pretty big."
"I depressedly drank myself into a stupor the night before and missed our meet-up time."
"I’d said that I’d be there no matter what, and I wasn’t."
"The appointment happened, and he 'reassured me' everything was okay as he knew the battle was over anyway."
"But I will never forgive myself for that."
"Even typing this out makes me feel like the biggest piece of sh*t."
"I wish I were sober then."- ssssskkkkkrrrrrttttt
Credit where it is due, just about every one of these people admitted to doing something wrong.
Even if it doesn't excuse their actions, as knowingly doing something you know is wrong might make it even worse...