Neighbors, they can be wonderful if you have good ones. However, when things go sideways they can really get crazy. The craziest neighbors this writer has seen are right next to my sister. They bought their home with the one next door still for sale. The realtor, who we went to school with, promised to find her “the best neighbors ever"...PSYCH.
I'll set the stage: it's a small, very rural, farming town. *cue banjos* The neighbors that moved in next door were nice but a bit...different. They are a slightly older couple who decided to start their own home-based church, often meeting at the house. Fine, whatever right? Well, they also enjoy sharing conspiracy theories, and apparently, just a home and plain fence were too normal.
It started with the spray paint on the fence. Gems like "Repent Now", "Salvation" and simply "JESUS" scrawled in bright red paint on an old wooden fence. Then they decided to form a church band in their garage. A home gospel garage band except none of them can sing. Or really play. They also write some of their own songs and "practice" regularly.
So now all summer long (for a couple of years now) my sister--and I when visiting--get to enjoy the sound of loud, off-tune, caterwauling while the two small dogs yap nonstop right outside in accompaniment. Welcome to rural Maine... pics or it didn't happen, right?
Google Maps
Redditor PickYourPoison2020 wanted to hear the juiciest neighbor drama the internet had to offer.
They asked:
"Screw love thy neighbor, why do you hate yours?"
If you've got one to top these we want to hear it.
Did she think no one would notice?
“I planted a smoke tree in my yard. Its a tree is red colored leaves. She dug it up and planted it in her own yard. I mean, who does crap like that? A crazy person. She is nuts.”
“Her daughter graduated from high school and moved to Northern CA. She rented her house out, and moved to Northern CA. Her daughter had moved to get away from her. She is crazy. We ignored her. I did put up an 8 foot fence.”
“dad chasing teenage son around their front yard with a snow shovel...”
“Trailer trash freeloading on their poor old grandmom's goodwill. They don't lift a finger to help her take trash out, get groceries, anything. She's like 85+ with the blinder glasses they give you at the eye doctor after a dilation and a walker."
“Have seen and heard everything from cops showing up, loud car stereo, power tools, screaming matches, and a full-blown dad chasing teenage son around their front yard with a snow shovel yelling 'I'll f**king kill you' for 20 minutes, all happening at all hours of the night and morning."
trailer boys GIFGiphyWanna bet they're also anti-maskers?
“During the pandemic shutdown, my backyard neighbors illegally and without permits, cut down two huge beautiful trees, slashed through the root system to build a retaining wall behind our shared fence, raised their property by 2 feet, and put in an outdoor patio with a kitchen and sitting area with TV.”
“They destroyed my septic system, and installed drainage pipes under the patio which drain against the fence, into my now destroyed septic system, leading to my yard being flooded with sewage water almost constantly. On top of this, they've had huge get togethers all pandemic long, with anywhere from 10-50 people in their yard, being loud, several times per week.”
“I've tried to get help from our local building inspector, but the wife's father is a well known and influential contractor, so they won't do anything. In the 2 years they've been there they've rendered my yard useless and tanked my property value. That's why I hate my neighbors.”
Poor little kitten!
“They arent my neighbors anymore, but they moved into a 2 bedroom house with a TON of foster kids. I'm happy they are fostering but they do NOT monitor these kids at all. Neighbors on the other side had to put up a fence because these kids kept trespassing on their property (I'm talking right up on the house and everything)."
“They would blast very vulgar music through speakers out the house windows all hours of the day, they threw trash in our yard all the time, they trespassed. The parents screamed at us once for shoveling the snow off their sidewalk for them. The rest of the neighbors on the street were elderly so we just did the whole street all the time."
"Worst of all though was when they broke into my house and stole our new kitten because they wanted it. Their dog tried to kill her, so instead of returning her they took her to an abandoned house and dumped her there. We never saw her again."
"The room they stole the cat from was trashed. When we confronted the parents about it they just blamed us and then had some of their relatives harass us via Facebook. We also had 2 ducks and they would regularly harass the ducks."
"One time they drove a lawnmower into our yard and right up against the duck fence, scared the sh!t out of them until the one duck got its head stuck in the fence and couldn't get out. Then they yelled at me because the duck was quacking loudly for help and I wasn't home at the time to do anything about it."
"God damn was I glad to move away from there. I purposefully bought a house with a lot of land so that I have a 'buffer zone' between me and any more potential bad neighbors."
30k wasn't a bad trade off...
“They poisoned my western red cedar because it was casting shade on their pool and dropping needles on their guest house. They drilled a few holes into the tree and poured poison into it. We noticed when the tree started to die from the top down.”
“Can't hate them too much tho we took the to court and got 30k for it. They still hate us, they glare at us every time the see us ; especially when we are on the patio...since we built it with the money we got from them.”
Best Excuses For Late Assignments That Were Actually True | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
We need a drink just hearing it.
“They leave their dog out on their deck, tied to the railing with a VERY short leash, in summer heat or winter cold. It barks all day and whines to be let in but it's ignored until about midnight when they let it into the garage to sleep. Ugh humanity."
“Animal Control called, HOA has been notified, all to no avail. Just a reprimand saying don't leave your dog out in extreme weather (subzero or 100+F for more than 3 hours according to our county laws, which I think is BS), it's technically under 'shelter' which is a tiny piece of tarp that is pretty much useless, and they can't do anything about the barking cuz it's a dog and that's what dogs do."
"Other than it being tied outside, no signs of abuse, it's well fed and they play with it in the afternoon, albeit in their unfenced front yard and the dog is off the leash running around after tennis balls in the freaking street. HOA has been informed about the leash thing and noise ordinance violation (dog barking excessive noise after 10:30 pm) but not sure if there are disciplinary procedures regarding that."
"They moved in a month after I moved into my house. I hate them---my blood pressure. Also they had the nerve to complain to me that someone called Animal Control and HOA on him and he has terrible neighbors... I laughed in his face. I need a drink."
Sweet, satisfying revenge...
“I hate my neighbor because they used to burn garbage in their fireplace. It made foul smelling black smoke. When asked to stop burning it they threw it over the fence into our yard. Our dogs shredded the bags, and all three went to the vet for the night. I got my vengeance by throwing mint seeds into their anal-retentively well kept yard. Hearing him try to keep it under control is delicious.”
merciless evil laugh GIFGiphy“a voice that sounds like she just smoked 10 Newport's...”
“If she catches you outside, you're stuck in a conversation that you CANNOT get out of. She hates the neighbor's dog, on the other side of me. So when I'm trying to garden in peace, I have her yelling at the dog across my back yard, while it in turn barks at her. The whole time talking my ear off, in a voice that sounds like she just smoked 10 newports before i got outside. Which makes me not want to go outside, and I end up neglecting my garden sometimes.”
Others had the same problem being trapped in conversation.
“We just moved away from a very similar neighbor. She learned our schedule, would wait outside our place for us after work, coming home from walking the dog, etc. We felt like prisoners at our own home. Can't tell you how many times we circled the block waiting for her to go inside so we could avoid a 30 minute convo.”
“She's even resorted to bringing us our mail so that she can talk our ears off. The worst part of it all is that she means well, she's a super nice older lady who probably is just lonely, but personal space is necessary and sometime you just want to get home and unwind after work rather than listen to Marge talk about how the neighborhood used to look in 1997 and what each of her 11 grand kids want for Christmas.”
Ankle-biters...
“They have 2 annoying little yapper dogs and 2 kids they don't try to shut up or control. Thier kids hang over the fence teasing/playing with my dogs until they are barking mad.”
“First day we moved in the kids started and I asked them and their parents to not do it. I've since had many words with the parents next door....like talking to a brick wall. I'm moving in a couple weeks, I'm positive my dogs will like the new backyard.”
Pot kettle, kettle pot...
“Has a rock band that practices all the time (LOUD).. no one ever says anything to him about it. I play country on my little portable speaker at 7 on a Saturday and he huffy and puffs and asks me to turn my music down... hypocrite.” Extremelyhotchick
“gifted their three teenage kids dirtbikes for Christmas, duck calls...”
“One behind my house has multiple swastika tattoos and some kind of illicit business operating out of his house.The ones across the street gifted their three teenage kids dirtbikes for Christmas, duck calls for their birthdays and apparently an airhorn at some point recently.”
“We live in an otherwise quiet suburb surrounded by wide open space. Yet there is apparently nowhere better to ride dirt bikes or enjoy the wonderful sport of bad duck calls and uncreative swearing besides the street 15 feet from my house. They make swastika guy look like a good neighbor.” greypouponlifestyle
Before you moved in?
“They came over to complain about the noise before I moved in. The moving truck hadn't even shown up yet… he has been coming over regularly to complain even when there's not people here so I don't know if he has auditory hallucinations or what his problem is.”Possible_Koala2192
Glad the dogs are ok...
“My neighbor has two huge pit bulls that have ripped the fence between our properties to pieces and gotten into my yard a few times, and we've had to call animal control and the police. All the neighbors have called animal control and the cops about them.”
“They used to leave the dogs outside unsupervised and one would bark non-stop. Sometimes it would bark for 3 hours straight from midnight until 3 a.m.”
“We started to get an outdoor rat problem so I put out poison. I also have dogs, so I bought dog-proof bait boxes to keep them from getting at the poison.”
“This guy's dogs ripped through my fence and pulled the poison box into their yard and ripped it open to eat the poison (mind you, this box had been in my yard with my dogs without being ripped open for weeks). They found the box and asked what it was and I immediately told them what type of poison it was and to go to the vet.”
“The dogs are fine.Then the guy flips out on me about paying the vet bills. I told him hell no, it's not my fault he lets his dogs tear their way into my yard.” WTF_HomeSlice
angry dog GIFGiphy“didn’t get mail for three weeks...”
“They have a junkyard in their backyard and it is now spilling out in to their front yard. There is someone up 24 hours a day banging and throwing sh!t all loud doing god knows what. Also their dog bit the mail lady so the entire street didn't get mail for 3 weeks." attackedmoose
They didn't get invited.
“The men who live in the apartment across from mine have sex very loudly. Like, so loud I can't sleep at night. I knocked on their door one time while they were going at it, and when one of them answered the door I practically screamed at him 'I can't sleep because you guys f*ck so loudly. Either keep it down or invite me.' Sadly, they never invited me. But they have been quieter."BigGamerDood
“One night I had enough and called the SPCA...”
“They constantly
“This couple has 4-5kids who are constantly screaming and fighting. They all stomp up and down the stairs and slam doors. (Quick aside: they've slammed their balcony door so hard a few times it made the stuff on the mantle in my living room rattle.) The mom used to blast the tv in her room at 1am until I complained.”
“Easily worst of all: they used to have this really sweet little black cat that they neglected. They never fed him, and he was so scrawny his hip bones jutted out. I would give him food whenever I saw him.”
“One night I had enough and called the SPCA on them because it was below zero and there was plenty of snow on the ground. They basically left him out there to die because they got a new dog and stopped caring about him. Idk what happened to him after they took him away, but I hope he's good.” throwaway1946282
Those poor kids...
“I shared a wall with a family of 4 for 5 years. At least twice a week the mom would freak out at one of the kids, screaming at them for at least 30 minutes. Often it was clear that she was spanking them or some other form of physical punishment, because the kids would cry and scream as well."
“This happened at all hours including 3am a few times. One weekend I let two of my friends stay on my couch, because they were in between leases and couldn't afford a hotel."
“The family found out and tried to get me evicted for having guests over for too long. My ahole land lord took their side, but let me off with a warning. When I brought up all the sh!t they did, he said that that wasn't any of his business. I left a month later." dring157
Cats are holes too
“They collectively have like 6 or 7 cats which all treat my bird feeder and bath and my garden as their personal buffet. It's gotten to the point where they're so bold that if I run out there and try to chase them away, they just sit there looking at me going ‘yeah and what are you going to do to us?’ Because they know I can't lay a finger on them or I'm going to get hell from their owners.”
“I try to tell my neighbours to keep their cats indoors more often or at least put a bell on them but noooo there's no way mister fluffykins could possibly be killing all those birds and rooting through my poppies because he's so sweet and lazy and fat and wouldn't hurt a fly and I'm just a bastard who hates cats. Like no, mister fluffykins killed an entire family of bullfinches that were nesting nearby and left me to deal with their corpses and tore out my lemon balm he is not a sweet little cat he is an environmental pest.”Plethora_of_squids
Living in close proximity to others isn't always easy and takes cooperation from everyone. Unfortunately, that is not always how it works out. However, lucky for our entertainment, plenty of people were willing to share their crazy stories.
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Redditor MrRandyWatson_100 wanted to hear about what happened to relationships after inviting a third, so they asked:
"Redditors who have had a threesome with their SO, how did the relationship turnout after sex?"
Bad Things
Tim Robinson No GIF by The Lonely IslandGiphy"It was already horrible, that's why I didn't mind trying it. It didn't get any better, but it was a lot of fun."
Educational_Dust_932
Thanks, Jerry
"Went on a vacation with my ex and her best friend from out of state. It was heavily alluded to that we were going to give a threesome a go. We all arrive at the hotel, and her friend turns on the TV while we unpack. It was by chance an episode of Jerry Springer (or some equivalent type of show). The subject was 'Our threesome ruined my life.' Obviously, it didn’t happen."
sincethenes
"Wanna hear a pile on to that? We broke up a few years later, I haven’t seen or heard from her in years. I bought a new home two years ago in the middle of nowhere. I go to the local grocery store, and there she is. Turns out she lives about 1/4 of a mile away from me. Thanks, Universe."
sincethenes
Then Again...
"We all went out to eat breakfast the next day and it was just such a funny experience. We laughed and talked about how crazy it was. Afterward, my girlfriend was embarrassed and said she didn't want anything like that ever again. Then it happened again (at her own insistence, with the same girl)."
"Then again. After the 3rd time, I was pretty blown away that this would be a regular thing. After a while things stopped and my girlfriend went back to being super embarrassed about it and liked to pretend it never happened."
Kogah
Well bye now...
"The sex was fine, we invited a third for a fun night at a hotel with a jacuzzi and drinks. But then the third person didn't leave, nor did they leave in the morning after breakfast, and the next night after dinner we literally had to ask him to leave so we could continue our vacation as a couple in privacy. It gave us a funny story to joke about for years and didn't affect our relationship."
Mister_IceBlister
Realizations
Shocked Sesame Street GIFGiphy"Haven’t been in a threesome, but my gf had two on the same day with her previous partner, which is when she realized she was actually into girls more."
"So in a way, I can thank those threesomes for my relationship. She doesn’t like it when I bring this up lol."
DreaDreamer
Epiphanies can come at the strangest times.
Whoops
Schitts Creek Oops GIF by CBCGiphy"My girlfriend asked me who I would like a threesome with. Then she got angry. Apparently, I was supposed to name only one person."
arvigeus
Long Stories
"I (M) hooked up with a friend and his wife a few times. He originally proposed it as something she would enjoy, with both of us focusing our attention on her. She reluctantly went along with it but quickly got way too into it for his comfort. He got jealous of all the attention she was getting despite that being the point of the threesomes in the first place."
"Long story short, after many long fruitless discussions and a few arguments we finally got him to admit that he was in love with me, he wanted the threesome so that we (he and I) could have sex (despite us having had many conversations in the past about how I'm not that into men and he's definitely not my type) without cheating or him getting a divorce."
"Longer story even shorter, we're no longer friends, they're divorced, wife and I became really close friends for a few years."
tempUN123
Happy Holidays
"Relationship with who, your SO or the third person involved?"
"My SO brought her very close female friend for a threesome as a Christmas present to me one year. I was really nervous but they made me feel super comfortable and able to just enjoy the experience. I'm still with my SO and the friend is still a friend, we don't see her very much as she lives in a different country but it's in no way awkward."
AverageMale31
Surprise
"I had a threesome with one of my close friends and her boyfriend of like 5 years (at the time). She wanted to surprise him and boy did it work. It was fun! We ended up doing it a few more times. They’re still together and doing well and my friendship with them has never changed. The only difference is now we have inside jokes and references together!"
wineshivers
Be Careful
Bedtime Threesome GIF by PantayaGiphy"Just fine... But don't play with others if your relationship isn't on solid footing and your communication isn't up to par."
Misophonic4000
"In my experience, sometimes you think you’re on solid footing, but in reality, it’s a house of cards easily toppled. In retrospect, it was f**ked either way, but this definitely expedited the end."
AdmiralTiberius
Not all fun ideas are good ideas.
Do you have any similar experiences? Let us know in the comments below.
Reddit user SinkingFeelingBruh asked:
"What did you think was fancy as a kid that isn’t?"
Mc's Steakhouse
"Getting to eat McDonald's all the time..."
~ 02red
"This was my first thought, and it was also the first comment I came across opening the thread."
"You are so right..McDonald's used to be so exciting. I don't even eat it anymore."
~ kasparzellar
GiphyWith or Without Crusts
"Cutting sandwiches diagonally."
~ 787la57la47al
"As a college student, I love dressing up my husbands plate when he eats mediocre meals. If he wants a sandwich, I will dress it up like it’s fine dining."
"I made us air fries nuggets and had the ketchup dots and swirls garnishing the plate lol. It makes things more fun."
~ ireallyamtired
Cocktails for Children
"Shirley Temple/Roy Rogers drinks."
"I remember when my parents would take us to a 'fancy' restaurant and we would be able to order these."
"I felt so adult! With the skinny straw and the maraschino cherry..."
~ Iron_Chic
"Okay but low key though… I still love myself a Shirley temple."
"Like if someone were to offer me one I definitely wouldn’t turn it down."
~ faithle97
GiphyWelcome to the Club
"As a kid I thought going to a restaurant and having a club sandwich was the height of sophistication. Probably because I learned about club sandwiches from a family friend who introduced me to them."
"I used to think the little toothpicks with the plastic frills that held the sandwiches together were sooooo fancy. I always brought my toothpicks home with me to play with."
~ Bebe_Bleau
Processed Foods
"My friends whose kitchens were filled with junk food like Captain Crunch, Twinkies and Ding Dongs, hot dogs and American cheese."
"I thought they were so fancy and I was so jealous."
"My mom cooked from scratch every day, and we thought we were so neglected because she wouldn't buy that sh*t for us to eat."
"We were so lucky. Thanks, Mom."
~ riceme0112358
GiphyOoh la la!
"Viennetta ice cream cake was the peak of fancy for me."
~ KaleidoscopeVast9290
"I came here to say this! They marketed it really well to 7-14 year olds."
~ Holiday-Armadillo-34
The BIG Box
"Back in my day, kids who had Crayola 120 colored pencils were considered the elites of society."
~ Prism_Red
"Or the Crayola Crayons with the sharpener on the back."
~ Spoozle64
GiphyA World Tour in a Mug
"A cup of General Foods International Coffee to cap off your five star evening. Might I recommend the Suisse Mocha?"
~ Smooth_Riker
"That was upper class shiz that I begged my parents to buy for company."
"Turns out, Folgers out of the red can was all encompassing; for home and company. Sigh."
~ burgerg10
"My 10 year old self would walk around my room sipping a cuppa and pretending I was grown in my own apartment."
~ odd_kumquat
It's the Foil Wrapper
"Ferrero Rocher chocolate."
~ SirRobynHode
"Richard Gere did the commercials in a tux. I thought these must be the most fancy and expensive chocolates imaginable."
~ Either-Durian-5517
"Dude I'm 22 and they're still fancy to me."
~ rubbersoulelena
GiphyUnder Glass
"Desserts in the display cases (eclairs, bon bons, petifores, etc...)."
~ Med_Vamp
"This jogged my memory of those iced cookies they’d have on display at Giant (American grocery store)."
~ nicheencyclopedia
Pardon Me, Do You Have Any?
"For some reason, as a kid I thought Grey Poupon was some fancy delicacy by the French. I imagined some fancy guy with a gray wig slathering it on a baguette."
"Like only the rich had access to it."
"It’s just mustard. WTF. Still haven’t had it."
~ JackfruitCurry
"When I got married, my dad insisted upon renting a Rolls Royce to take hubs and me from the church to the reception."
"I jokingly asked the driver 'pardon me, do you have any Grey Poupon?' in my snootiest faux-British accent. He popped open the glove box and there it was!!!!"
~ RefugeefromSAforums
GiphyBeep, Beep
"Old cars from fancy brands."
"Kids are always like 'whoa he drives a BMW' without realizing it's not impressive to drive a 1999 BMW in 2023."
~ slightofhand1
Get Some Quarters for the Bed
"Hotels were the fanciest as a kid, weren't they?"
~ Non-opisthokont
"I thought a motel or an inn was fancier than a hotel."
~ tobiiam
"Omg, yes! Lol, the vibrating beds were so fancy & fun! I’d always beg my parents to get me one."
~ Sad-Comfortable1566
Jumping Michael Chiesa GIF by UFCGiphyBut There's Cheddar in the Biscuits
"Red lobster."
~ MonsoonMermaid
"A guy I worked with (in the 90’s) said he treated his women right."
"When he went out to eat, he took them to places like Red Lobster. What a baller!"
~ eastcoastme
"Oof, I took my junior prom date to Red Lobster back in ‘00. Sorry, Michelle…wherever you are."
~ kyd712
The Beer Fridge
"I thought that having a second, older fridge in your garage meant your family was rich.
"Actually, hell, if you had a garage at all I thought you were rich."
~ CoolBugg
"Didn’t realize people used their garages for cars for YEARS. I still have a hard time wrapping my head around it."
"It feels like such a waste of storage space to keep a car in there. Where else do people keep lol their tools, holiday decor, and sh*t they don’t want to throw out but also don’t want to use anymore?"
~ Ithinkillgrowthis
"When we bought our house it came with a fridge in the garage."
"I audibly gasped."
~ Aggravating-Dig-8987
GiphyMy Father was in the military, but didn't want to live on United States Navy bases, so we lived off base in a trailer.
Back then, trailers were much smaller and easily moved from place to place. So each time my Father was stationed at a new base, our trailer was packed up and moved to a new trailer park near the new base.
Because of this life of trailer parks, my idea of luxury living wasn't a mansion—it was a double-wide trailer.
What did you think was fancy as a kid?