Neighbors, they can be wonderful if you have good ones. However, when things go sideways they can really get crazy. The craziest neighbors this writer has seen are right next to my sister. They bought their home with the one next door still for sale. The realtor, who we went to school with, promised to find her “the best neighbors ever"...PSYCH.
I'll set the stage: it's a small, very rural, farming town. *cue banjos* The neighbors that moved in next door were nice but a bit...different. They are a slightly older couple who decided to start their own home-based church, often meeting at the house. Fine, whatever right? Well, they also enjoy sharing conspiracy theories, and apparently, just a home and plain fence were too normal.
It started with the spray paint on the fence. Gems like "Repent Now", "Salvation" and simply "JESUS" scrawled in bright red paint on an old wooden fence. Then they decided to form a church band in their garage. A home gospel garage band except none of them can sing. Or really play. They also write some of their own songs and "practice" regularly.
So now all summer long (for a couple of years now) my sister--and I when visiting--get to enjoy the sound of loud, off-tune, caterwauling while the two small dogs yap nonstop right outside in accompaniment. Welcome to rural Maine... pics or it didn't happen, right?
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Redditor PickYourPoison2020 wanted to hear the juiciest neighbor drama the internet had to offer.
They asked:
"Screw love thy neighbor, why do you hate yours?"
If you've got one to top these we want to hear it.
Did she think no one would notice?
“I planted a smoke tree in my yard. Its a tree is red colored leaves. She dug it up and planted it in her own yard. I mean, who does crap like that? A crazy person. She is nuts.”
“Her daughter graduated from high school and moved to Northern CA. She rented her house out, and moved to Northern CA. Her daughter had moved to get away from her. She is crazy. We ignored her. I did put up an 8 foot fence.”
“dad chasing teenage son around their front yard with a snow shovel...”
“Trailer trash freeloading on their poor old grandmom's goodwill. They don't lift a finger to help her take trash out, get groceries, anything. She's like 85+ with the blinder glasses they give you at the eye doctor after a dilation and a walker."
“Have seen and heard everything from cops showing up, loud car stereo, power tools, screaming matches, and a full-blown dad chasing teenage son around their front yard with a snow shovel yelling 'I'll f**king kill you' for 20 minutes, all happening at all hours of the night and morning."
trailer boys GIFGiphyWanna bet they're also anti-maskers?
“During the pandemic shutdown, my backyard neighbors illegally and without permits, cut down two huge beautiful trees, slashed through the root system to build a retaining wall behind our shared fence, raised their property by 2 feet, and put in an outdoor patio with a kitchen and sitting area with TV.”
“They destroyed my septic system, and installed drainage pipes under the patio which drain against the fence, into my now destroyed septic system, leading to my yard being flooded with sewage water almost constantly. On top of this, they've had huge get togethers all pandemic long, with anywhere from 10-50 people in their yard, being loud, several times per week.”
“I've tried to get help from our local building inspector, but the wife's father is a well known and influential contractor, so they won't do anything. In the 2 years they've been there they've rendered my yard useless and tanked my property value. That's why I hate my neighbors.”
Poor little kitten!
“They arent my neighbors anymore, but they moved into a 2 bedroom house with a TON of foster kids. I'm happy they are fostering but they do NOT monitor these kids at all. Neighbors on the other side had to put up a fence because these kids kept trespassing on their property (I'm talking right up on the house and everything)."
“They would blast very vulgar music through speakers out the house windows all hours of the day, they threw trash in our yard all the time, they trespassed. The parents screamed at us once for shoveling the snow off their sidewalk for them. The rest of the neighbors on the street were elderly so we just did the whole street all the time."
"Worst of all though was when they broke into my house and stole our new kitten because they wanted it. Their dog tried to kill her, so instead of returning her they took her to an abandoned house and dumped her there. We never saw her again."
"The room they stole the cat from was trashed. When we confronted the parents about it they just blamed us and then had some of their relatives harass us via Facebook. We also had 2 ducks and they would regularly harass the ducks."
"One time they drove a lawnmower into our yard and right up against the duck fence, scared the sh!t out of them until the one duck got its head stuck in the fence and couldn't get out. Then they yelled at me because the duck was quacking loudly for help and I wasn't home at the time to do anything about it."
"God damn was I glad to move away from there. I purposefully bought a house with a lot of land so that I have a 'buffer zone' between me and any more potential bad neighbors."
30k wasn't a bad trade off...
“They poisoned my western red cedar because it was casting shade on their pool and dropping needles on their guest house. They drilled a few holes into the tree and poured poison into it. We noticed when the tree started to die from the top down.”
“Can't hate them too much tho we took the to court and got 30k for it. They still hate us, they glare at us every time the see us ; especially when we are on the patio...since we built it with the money we got from them.”
Best Excuses For Late Assignments That Were Actually True | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
We need a drink just hearing it.
“They leave their dog out on their deck, tied to the railing with a VERY short leash, in summer heat or winter cold. It barks all day and whines to be let in but it's ignored until about midnight when they let it into the garage to sleep. Ugh humanity."
“Animal Control called, HOA has been notified, all to no avail. Just a reprimand saying don't leave your dog out in extreme weather (subzero or 100+F for more than 3 hours according to our county laws, which I think is BS), it's technically under 'shelter' which is a tiny piece of tarp that is pretty much useless, and they can't do anything about the barking cuz it's a dog and that's what dogs do."
"Other than it being tied outside, no signs of abuse, it's well fed and they play with it in the afternoon, albeit in their unfenced front yard and the dog is off the leash running around after tennis balls in the freaking street. HOA has been informed about the leash thing and noise ordinance violation (dog barking excessive noise after 10:30 pm) but not sure if there are disciplinary procedures regarding that."
"They moved in a month after I moved into my house. I hate them---my blood pressure. Also they had the nerve to complain to me that someone called Animal Control and HOA on him and he has terrible neighbors... I laughed in his face. I need a drink."
Sweet, satisfying revenge...
“I hate my neighbor because they used to burn garbage in their fireplace. It made foul smelling black smoke. When asked to stop burning it they threw it over the fence into our yard. Our dogs shredded the bags, and all three went to the vet for the night. I got my vengeance by throwing mint seeds into their anal-retentively well kept yard. Hearing him try to keep it under control is delicious.”
merciless evil laugh GIFGiphy“a voice that sounds like she just smoked 10 Newport's...”
“If she catches you outside, you're stuck in a conversation that you CANNOT get out of. She hates the neighbor's dog, on the other side of me. So when I'm trying to garden in peace, I have her yelling at the dog across my back yard, while it in turn barks at her. The whole time talking my ear off, in a voice that sounds like she just smoked 10 newports before i got outside. Which makes me not want to go outside, and I end up neglecting my garden sometimes.”
Others had the same problem being trapped in conversation.
“We just moved away from a very similar neighbor. She learned our schedule, would wait outside our place for us after work, coming home from walking the dog, etc. We felt like prisoners at our own home. Can't tell you how many times we circled the block waiting for her to go inside so we could avoid a 30 minute convo.”
“She's even resorted to bringing us our mail so that she can talk our ears off. The worst part of it all is that she means well, she's a super nice older lady who probably is just lonely, but personal space is necessary and sometime you just want to get home and unwind after work rather than listen to Marge talk about how the neighborhood used to look in 1997 and what each of her 11 grand kids want for Christmas.”
Ankle-biters...
“They have 2 annoying little yapper dogs and 2 kids they don't try to shut up or control. Thier kids hang over the fence teasing/playing with my dogs until they are barking mad.”
“First day we moved in the kids started and I asked them and their parents to not do it. I've since had many words with the parents next door....like talking to a brick wall. I'm moving in a couple weeks, I'm positive my dogs will like the new backyard.”
Pot kettle, kettle pot...
“Has a rock band that practices all the time (LOUD).. no one ever says anything to him about it. I play country on my little portable speaker at 7 on a Saturday and he huffy and puffs and asks me to turn my music down... hypocrite.” Extremelyhotchick
“gifted their three teenage kids dirtbikes for Christmas, duck calls...”
“One behind my house has multiple swastika tattoos and some kind of illicit business operating out of his house.The ones across the street gifted their three teenage kids dirtbikes for Christmas, duck calls for their birthdays and apparently an airhorn at some point recently.”
“We live in an otherwise quiet suburb surrounded by wide open space. Yet there is apparently nowhere better to ride dirt bikes or enjoy the wonderful sport of bad duck calls and uncreative swearing besides the street 15 feet from my house. They make swastika guy look like a good neighbor.” greypouponlifestyle
Before you moved in?
“They came over to complain about the noise before I moved in. The moving truck hadn't even shown up yet… he has been coming over regularly to complain even when there's not people here so I don't know if he has auditory hallucinations or what his problem is.”Possible_Koala2192
Glad the dogs are ok...
“My neighbor has two huge pit bulls that have ripped the fence between our properties to pieces and gotten into my yard a few times, and we've had to call animal control and the police. All the neighbors have called animal control and the cops about them.”
“They used to leave the dogs outside unsupervised and one would bark non-stop. Sometimes it would bark for 3 hours straight from midnight until 3 a.m.”
“We started to get an outdoor rat problem so I put out poison. I also have dogs, so I bought dog-proof bait boxes to keep them from getting at the poison.”
“This guy's dogs ripped through my fence and pulled the poison box into their yard and ripped it open to eat the poison (mind you, this box had been in my yard with my dogs without being ripped open for weeks). They found the box and asked what it was and I immediately told them what type of poison it was and to go to the vet.”
“The dogs are fine.Then the guy flips out on me about paying the vet bills. I told him hell no, it's not my fault he lets his dogs tear their way into my yard.” WTF_HomeSlice
angry dog GIFGiphy“didn’t get mail for three weeks...”
“They have a junkyard in their backyard and it is now spilling out in to their front yard. There is someone up 24 hours a day banging and throwing sh!t all loud doing god knows what. Also their dog bit the mail lady so the entire street didn't get mail for 3 weeks." attackedmoose
They didn't get invited.
“The men who live in the apartment across from mine have sex very loudly. Like, so loud I can't sleep at night. I knocked on their door one time while they were going at it, and when one of them answered the door I practically screamed at him 'I can't sleep because you guys f*ck so loudly. Either keep it down or invite me.' Sadly, they never invited me. But they have been quieter."BigGamerDood
“One night I had enough and called the SPCA...”
“They constantly
“This couple has 4-5kids who are constantly screaming and fighting. They all stomp up and down the stairs and slam doors. (Quick aside: they've slammed their balcony door so hard a few times it made the stuff on the mantle in my living room rattle.) The mom used to blast the tv in her room at 1am until I complained.”
“Easily worst of all: they used to have this really sweet little black cat that they neglected. They never fed him, and he was so scrawny his hip bones jutted out. I would give him food whenever I saw him.”
“One night I had enough and called the SPCA on them because it was below zero and there was plenty of snow on the ground. They basically left him out there to die because they got a new dog and stopped caring about him. Idk what happened to him after they took him away, but I hope he's good.” throwaway1946282
Those poor kids...
“I shared a wall with a family of 4 for 5 years. At least twice a week the mom would freak out at one of the kids, screaming at them for at least 30 minutes. Often it was clear that she was spanking them or some other form of physical punishment, because the kids would cry and scream as well."
“This happened at all hours including 3am a few times. One weekend I let two of my friends stay on my couch, because they were in between leases and couldn't afford a hotel."
“The family found out and tried to get me evicted for having guests over for too long. My ahole land lord took their side, but let me off with a warning. When I brought up all the sh!t they did, he said that that wasn't any of his business. I left a month later." dring157
Cats are holes too
“They collectively have like 6 or 7 cats which all treat my bird feeder and bath and my garden as their personal buffet. It's gotten to the point where they're so bold that if I run out there and try to chase them away, they just sit there looking at me going ‘yeah and what are you going to do to us?’ Because they know I can't lay a finger on them or I'm going to get hell from their owners.”
“I try to tell my neighbours to keep their cats indoors more often or at least put a bell on them but noooo there's no way mister fluffykins could possibly be killing all those birds and rooting through my poppies because he's so sweet and lazy and fat and wouldn't hurt a fly and I'm just a bastard who hates cats. Like no, mister fluffykins killed an entire family of bullfinches that were nesting nearby and left me to deal with their corpses and tore out my lemon balm he is not a sweet little cat he is an environmental pest.”Plethora_of_squids
Living in close proximity to others isn't always easy and takes cooperation from everyone. Unfortunately, that is not always how it works out. However, lucky for our entertainment, plenty of people were willing to share their crazy stories.
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“'Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience'.” What's your best real life example of this?"
They Literally Won't be "Shut Down"
"When I tell people to just reboot your computer and it will fix all their problems and yet they won't because they said if you wait long enough it will shut down, when in reality it only goes to sleep."
"Then when I tell them they have to completely shut it down they look at me like I'm an idiot and say they did."
"I tell them it seems like it but it only went to sleep."
"They argue back."- niallaa
Some People Just Don't Get It...
"I used to argue a lot with my sister when we were kids."
"She would do this thing where she would say something, and then I would reference back to it literally a minute or two later to prove a point and she would say 'I never said that' or 'that’s not what I said'."
"Absolutely impossible to argue with someone who will just deny having said things that could hurt their argument."
"Also, trying to change the course of an argument if they feel like they are 'losing'."
"A coworker once called me an idiot for doing something 'incorrectly' when I was actually doing it the right way."
"When I politely explained to them that the way they suggested doing the task didn’t actually work, they started asking 'why are you getting so angry?? I was just trying to help' etc."
"So now we’re arguing about whether I’m angry or not instead of the right way to complete the task."- themightypianocat
Facts Are Facts...
"Arguing is pointless if you do not agree on a set of facts."- niallaa
Facts GIF by Judge JerryGiphyYou Can't Have It Both Ways...
"For a short while, I worked as a line cook at a Cracker Barrel, and there was a little saloon style door that led to the staff section (kitchen, bathroom, etc)."
"There was a staff only sign on the door, above the doors, and on the wall behind the doors at eye level."
"Usually if someone from the customer side comes in, they said, 'Coming in' before opening the door, so they didn't hit anyone, but of course customers didn't know that."
"So when this dude opened the door and hit a waitress carrying a ton of drinks, we were reasonably upset with him."
"He said, ;You should really put a sign up'."
"We showed him all the signs, and he goes, 'That seems a bit excessive'."- GreyFoxHound1
So Wrong.
"Had an employee sign an NDA about an upcoming art installation that had investors."
"He told everyone."
"He argued with me the NDA only meant he couldn’t disclose anything with the people in the company."- BosskHogg
He Knew What He Was Talking About
This was best said:
“'Never wrestle with pigs'."
"'You both get dirty and the pig likes it'.― George Bernard Shaw"- Zerowantuthri·
pigs GIFGiphySome Outdated Inventions Are Definitely Not Missed...
"I’m showing my age here but I used to work for an estate agency, and we had sales offices set up at the site of large new housing developments."
"Our primary method of communication was fax."
"One of the sales associates telephoned our office to say that the fax machine had run out of paper."
"No problem, I said, one of the guys is coming your way later for a house tour, I’ll give him a box of paper to give to you."
"We then had an almost 20 minute long argument when they kept insisting 'NO, YOU JUST SEND ME A BLANK FAX BECAUSE I NEED THE PAPER, IT WILL JUST COME OUT OF MY FAX MACHINE'.”
"It was like trying to nail jelly to a tree."
"Difficult, irritating, and it achieved nothing."- BettieKat
Very Few Hills Are Worth Dying On...
"I had a friend in university who was a world-class high school debater."
"Over meals, she liked to pick a ridiculous proposition and then talk circles around people until they had to concede to her point, no matter how absurd."
"When she tried it with me, I just stonewalled her."
"Met every point with a solid 'I don't think that's true'." or 'That doesn't make sense'."
"Eventually she gave up and never tried it with me again."
"It was the only time I've ever used the tactics of the stupid to win an argument."
"But, to be fair, if you're not arguing with me in good faith, I feel no obligation to respond in good faith."- kitskill
IS The Customer Always Right?...
"Working retail."
"Especially when I worked in the tech shop or a computer store."
" Trying to convince someone their $500 laptop is never going to be a gaming system no matter how many of the very few replaceable parts we throw at it can be exhausting."- MOS95B
happy episode 7 GIFGiphyEducation Only Matters If You Learned Something....
"Was arguing with this dude about something math-related."
"He didn’t know how to read a study that involved statistics. claimed he was in multiple AP math classes."
"Tried saying that I 'probably don’t even know basic integration'."
"Gave me a common integration problem."
"He wrote it but forgot the minus sign, making it unsolvable."
"I pointed it out and he edited the comment to make it correct."
"Told him that some people can see when you edit comments."
"He claimed that he just capitalized a letter. on and on and on."- SaturdayNightCity
Good Legal Counsel Might Be Worth The Splurge...
"I asked a representative from the Friend of the Court to explain something she said and she told me that I understood what she was saying."
"I replied that I wouldn't have asked her to explain if I had understood."
"She said if I was going to be difficult, she would hold me in contempt."
"My X chimed in that she didn't quite understand what she had said and was greeted with a smile and an explanation."
"From that point on I always disagreed with the Friend of the Court on EVERYTHING, so that I could be seen by the 'Actual Court' and a Judge."- PURPLEPEE
Season 4 Episode 21 GIF by The SimpsonsGiphySore Winners Are No More Attractive Than Sore Losers...
"Once worked with a guy who, by his own admission, got his rocks off by picking fights."
"He'd start an argument over the smallest thing."
"If you said it was white, he'd say it was black, just to try to start something."
"The one that always stood out for me was the weather app competition."
"One day he asked me what temperature it was, so I read it off my weather app."
"He got all offended, because his weather app said it was a couple degrees warmer."
"So he decides we're going to have a weather app competition."
"He was going to chart what our apps said the temperature was, and at the end of the week, whichever one was closest to that day's high would be the winner."
"And the loser would have to start using the winner's app."
"To which I said, "What is your f*cking problem?'"
"So, yeah."
"For the first few days, he'd make a big performance about marching into my office, recording the temperature off my app, jotting down some notes, and walking off."
"This started on a Monday."
"He gave up after Wednesday."
"Either because I was winning, or he was disappointed because, despite his best efforts, I just did not give a f*ck about weather apps."
"Or maybe the boss told him to stop because I filed a complaint that this was bordering on harassment."- originalchaosinabox
Im Always Right GIF by ZionGiphyIt should perhaps be said calling someone an idiot, or even thinking it, is not a particularly nice thing to do.
Even so, if you're tempted to do so when you're in the presence of a particular individual, probably best not to provoke them.
After all, if you're so determined to "win," does it really make you any better than them?