roc_and_rollHuman beings contain an unbelievable capacity to oppose their own well-being in pursuit of a preserved ego.
This holds true even when discussing the best approach to personal health with the person most qualified to help. People are crazy.
But the self-defeating ruse is a short-lived one. Despite the most outlandish, roundabout attempts to avoid honesty and outwit the doctor, EVERYONE is unsuccessful. It's as if half the job of doctors' work is seeing through these bold faced lies.
Plenty of Redditors are indeed those very doctors, and they give a behind-the-scenes look from their perspective, watching a patient with obvious-and proven-health issues squirm as they downplay those exact issues.
TheGrimReefah asked, "Doctors of reddit, what's the most obvious lie a patient or relative has ever told?"
Hate When That Happens
Patient brought to the ER - was allegedly naked in his bedroom making a salad, when he accidentally sat on an upright cucumber. parrotman41
The condoms keep the veggies fresh. cohrt
Giphy"Nice Try, Twerp"
I am not a doctor, but i once heard a little boy tell a nurse that he was bitten by a brontosaurus.
He was obviously lying, because brontosauruses were herbivores.
The Current and Obvious Facts Say Otherwise
There is no chance of pregnancy because I've never had sex before (patient is pregnant).
I don't use drugs ever (drug screen is positive for marijuana and/or other substances).
"Well, Inside the Hospital Snacks Don't Count."
"I've been sticking to my diet and exercising but my blood sugars are staying high all the time."
Says the diabetic patient who I just saw buy a damn snickers from the vending machine in the waiting room.
GiphyThe Jig's Up
"Do you use cotton buds to clean your ears?"
"No, never, absolutely not, never have, you shouldn't put anything smaller than your elbow in your ear!"
"..... Because there is definitely the end of a cotton bud stuck in your ear.."
"Oh yeah, maybe just this one time.."
Waiving the "Recreational Drug Abuse" Flag
(Trying to weasel a prescription for ADHD medication)
"I have fat-ih-gue."
Fatigue, she was trying to lie about her fatigue.
"Just Making Sure"
Doc: Do you smoke? Patient: No
D: Do you drink alcohol? P: No
D: Are you lying? P: No
Those Long-Con Tests Will ALWAYS Get Ya
Only a medical student, but we had a patient with tremendous degeneration of the liver, and his blood analysis told us he had been drinking heavily at least the last 6 months, despite being instructed it could definitely destroy what he had left of liver.
Most people still don't know we can check daily alcohol consume in such a long term.
"They're Fries, What Was I Supposed to Do?"
"Oh I gave up salt last year for my blood pressure" while literally reaching for her second White Castle slider during our conversation. The cheese fries were gone by then.
At Least Doc Was Cool About It
My parents run a construction store so they have a few other people that are hired to help them.
One day this lady decide she is too lazy to work so she "fainted". People start panicking and bring her to the doctor.
When the doctor tried to open her eyes to see the pupil, she basically rolled her eyes so the doctor couldn't see the pupil. The doctor then kinda poked her telling her to wake up.
GiphyAs Obvious as it is Problematic
“Every time a patient feigns a seizure (either intentionally or unintentionally) it's a comically bad interpretation of what they think it should look like."
The Proof is in the Penis
“'I haven't had sex.' Sorry sir, the syphilitic lesion on the tip of your penis says otherwise." - dagayute
“Someone said my name?" - [deleted]
Pre-CGI Special Effects
“My sister said a kid around 12 came in one day with his dad. The kid had like red marker or something on his wrist and was trying to convince her that it was blood/broken and he got beat up (but beat up the other kids worse)." - AppealToReason16
Here's Hoping the Hospital has Better Technology
"Tests positive for morphine...'I've been eating a ton of poppy seed bagels!'" - cskelly
"A relative of mine played sports at a Division I university. They were not allowed to eat any poppy seed baked goods because they screwed with the drug tests." - aspiegrrrl
A Flesh Wound
"'I'm fine Doc. Just a little scratch.'"
"Me saying this while having blood all over my arm after an accident."
GiphyYou Should See the Other Lie
'I fell and hurt my hand.'
"Yeah, right. It's not called a Boxer's Fracture for nothing."
“Everybody hates me until they need me.” What professions are examples of this?"
Joke All You Want, They Both Help You When You're In Trouble...
"Lawyers and mechanics."
"You want to have a good one of each, but you never want to have to call either of them."- OneFingerIn
Literally Always There To Clean Up Your Mess...
"When I was a janitor I got a lot of hate for knocking out my 8 hour day in 4 individual hour long chunks of effort."
"I Was always available for spills and got extra work done every day but spent another 4 hours basically chilling and management not once got on my case."
"The other employees despised this until a customer's colostomy bag somehow ruptured in the bathroom."
"From that day forward none of them gave a f*ck if I was just hanging out on my phone."- Electronic_Warning49
Risking Their Lives To Save Ours
"The US Coast Guard for fishermen and boaters."
"Usually there's a pretty good working relationship between them, but some hate the Coast Guard for the various inspections they do."
"But the USCG is also the ones who will come out there in a storm to rescue them."- raym0ndv2
sad episode 12 GIFGiphyThe IT Factor...
"IT, except people hate me when they need me, too."- Dogstile
"IT, not the clown."- Nebula_Forte
"Any IT job requiring break/fix support."
"Basically when everything works it’s 'good it’s supposed to work' and then when something goes wrong that’s out of your control it’s 'what did you do?!'"
"When we did absolutely nothing to cause the problem, haha."- Psilocyb-zen
It Crowd Maurice Moss GIFGiphyThe Improve Much More Than People's Vanity
"Plastic Surgeons."
"My uncle is a plastic surgeon and he does only reconstructive stuff, fixing burn victims faces and stuff like that."
"But when people ask him what kind of doctor he is and he says Plastic Surgeon, they usually kinda scoff."- darkysix
The Butt Of One Too Many Jokes...
"Lawyer here."
"The expectation that because you are a lawyer you know everything about every law everywhere."
"In reality most lawyers are highly specialized."- Bisjoux
Ironic That The People Who Help Our Smile Often Make Us Frown
"Dentists for sure."- Ohboohoolittlegirl
Dentist GIFGiphyGetting Your Money's Worth
"All the trades guys."
“'They’re so expensive!'"
"Until that plumber shows up at 2am to prevent the sewage backup."
"Or the electrician that fixes an overloaded breaker panel, preventing a fire."
"Or the carpenter who builds the room for your toddler so you can get some sleep and maybe some sexy time."
"Definitely tradesmen."- Wolfie1531
Be Honest Though, Would You Rather Do Your Own Taxes?
"Accounting."- tadashi4
It's Often The Context Which Ignites The Hatred...
"'Lawyer' is going to be the most common answer to this question by far."
"But I suppose any licensed service provider could fall into this category, given the right context."
"Plumbers are another good example."
'Everyone thinks they're scum and crooks until the washing machine breaks down."
"Electricians, contractors, locksmiths, etc."
"They all fit this mold."
Season 2 Lawyer GIF by MartinGiphy"Unless you work with them daily, you're not going to be seeing them very often."
"And you're only seeing them when there's a problem , so you're primed to be upset by the time they even show up."
"Psychologically, you associate the plumbing issue with the plumber, when ironically, the plumber is there to fix it."
"Everyone wants to shoot the messenger."
"IT people and network security professionals are another classic example of this effect."- MissBitsy
When You Realize You Can't Call To Complain...
"Lineman."
"Been called a lazy overpaid drug addict by old men I don't even know."
"God forbid we go grab lunch or a coffee."- MaesterKyle
The Ones Who Make Your Late Night Craving Feasible...
"Fast food workers."
"They’re the butt of every demeaning comment about a lack of achievement or the reason why minimum wage shouldn’t be raised blah blah blah."
"But those people get real quiet once they’re ordering their Big Mac."- TheHomieData
food service ce416 GIF by truTV’s The Carbonaro EffectGiphyIt's often when we need the help of others that we find ourselves at our most anxious and frustrated.
This is why it's important to remind ourselves that these people are there to help us, and we should not take out our anxiety or frustration on them.
Particularly if we want the problem to be solved.
Redditor mountcoffee wanted everyone to discuss how we decipher the people are awful, so they asked:
"What are your minor red flags that you use see as a subtle but very indicative sign the other person is an a**hole?"
I give too many people the benefit of the doubt.
I need to discuss more red flags.
Nothing
Awkward Season 4 GIF by The OfficeGiphy"They are dismissive of people who can do nothing for them."
BRS023
"Major red flag, and it’s easy to tell if you get them out of a professional environment."
bowtrout
We make mistakes
"Never saying sorry. We are people. We make mistakes. And even if we didn't mean to, our words and behavior can hurt other people's feeling. Just say sorry and move on, it's not a big deal. But if someone is refusing to do so, it is a red flag to me."
Taiyo_K
"Well, there can be layers to it. My kids struggle mightily to ever admit fault and just apologize to each other when they’ve done something wrong. They think there’s some huge shame involved and for some reason it’s tough to shake them of that. Really, it’s the easiest thing in the world to say you’re sorry and move on, and they’re only slowly getting that."
Mikesaidit36
Repairs
"When they’re always the victim in conflicts with friends, coworkers, etc. people who have a capacity for self-reflection and owning their mistakes tell stories where they’re a**holes. Further, they’re able to talk about what they’d do differently or what they’ve learned, and how they took steps to repair the relationships. Never being at fault, always being the victim, and not taking responsibility for repair are huge red flags."
MrsDarcy1983
Talk Crap
"When they talk crap behind everyone's back but have what I like to call a sticky sweet personality to their face. I know some people like that."
EchoSpecial87
"I used to be in a group chat with a bunch of people who did exactly this at least once a week,. I genuinely believe a lot of people who use said fakea** sticky sweet personalities are doing it to soften the blow if someone actually has a problem with em. Because they think 'Ooooh but they're so nice! this is just a minor blemish on a really kind person' to someone who would throw them in the car crusher because their ac was too loud."
TheRockingGoomba
Guys and girls... you're all a mess...
The Company
Season 5 Friends Tv Show GIF by FriendsGiphy"What their friends are also like and how they interact with others/other people."
nazeem_ihateyou
Be Nice
"The Waiter Test. The person who is nice to you but isn't nice to the waiter isn't nice person. This also applies to cashiers, counter help, hotel clerks, custodians, security guards and everyone else in similar positions."
"HOWEVER, don't apply the waiter test the first time you meet someone. Wait until they've been around you a few times and are comfortable in their skin around you. The first few times they are on their best behavior."
AnybodySeeMyKeys
Talk to me...
"I live in Los Angeles so this happens a lot but basically whenever you talk to somebody, and it’s all about them all the time. You give your point of view or interject something about yourself and they immediately dismiss it and go back to them."
DonJuanDingdong
"Some people forget that a conversation is a two way street."
Pass_the_Lasagna
The Game
romantic lady and the tramp GIFGiphy"In an office environment, overly kissing all the managers a**es so they'll let them cut corners all the while calling other people out on minor things. They know how the game works."
psycharious
Slammed!
"When they know someone is behind them, but don't hold the door open. Just let it slam. Or don't say please & thanks to service workers. I understand sometimes missing the opportunity, but when it is consistent, I have been known to say something."
PokerQuilter
Look for the signs... they are there.
Did we miss any? Let us know in the comments below.