roc_and_rollHuman beings contain an unbelievable capacity to oppose their own well-being in pursuit of a preserved ego.

This holds true even when discussing the best approach to personal health with the person most qualified to help. People are crazy.


But the self-defeating ruse is a short-lived one. Despite the most outlandish, roundabout attempts to avoid honesty and outwit the doctor, EVERYONE is unsuccessful. It's as if half the job of doctors' work is seeing through these bold faced lies.

Plenty of Redditors are indeed those very doctors, and they give a behind-the-scenes look from their perspective, watching a patient with obvious-and proven-health issues squirm as they downplay those exact issues.

TheGrimReefah asked, "Doctors of reddit, what's the most obvious lie a patient or relative has ever told?"

Hate When That Happens

Patient brought to the ER - was allegedly naked in his bedroom making a salad, when he accidentally sat on an upright cucumber. parrotman41

The condoms keep the veggies fresh. cohrt

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"Nice Try, Twerp"

I am not a doctor, but i once heard a little boy tell a nurse that he was bitten by a brontosaurus.

He was obviously lying, because brontosauruses were herbivores.

max

The Current and Obvious Facts Say Otherwise

There is no chance of pregnancy because I've never had sex before (patient is pregnant).

I don't use drugs ever (drug screen is positive for marijuana and/or other substances).

DrFiveLittleMonkeys

"Well, Inside the Hospital Snacks Don't Count."

"I've been sticking to my diet and exercising but my blood sugars are staying high all the time."

Says the diabetic patient who I just saw buy a damn snickers from the vending machine in the waiting room.

yeahnahmaybe26

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The Jig's Up

"Do you use cotton buds to clean your ears?"

"No, never, absolutely not, never have, you shouldn't put anything smaller than your elbow in your ear!"

"..... Because there is definitely the end of a cotton bud stuck in your ear.."

"Oh yeah, maybe just this one time.."

Scullllaaaay

Waiving the "Recreational Drug Abuse" Flag

(Trying to weasel a prescription for ADHD medication)

"I have fat-ih-gue."

Fatigue, she was trying to lie about her fatigue.

wdproffitt

"Just Making Sure"

Doc: Do you smoke? Patient: No

D: Do you drink alcohol? P: No

D: Are you lying? P: No

amrie_6

Those Long-Con Tests Will ALWAYS Get Ya

Only a medical student, but we had a patient with tremendous degeneration of the liver, and his blood analysis told us he had been drinking heavily at least the last 6 months, despite being instructed it could definitely destroy what he had left of liver.

Most people still don't know we can check daily alcohol consume in such a long term.

Dologolopolov

"They're Fries, What Was I Supposed to Do?"

"Oh I gave up salt last year for my blood pressure" while literally reaching for her second White Castle slider during our conversation. The cheese fries were gone by then.

squirrleyhooker

At Least Doc Was Cool About It

My parents run a construction store so they have a few other people that are hired to help them.

One day this lady decide she is too lazy to work so she "fainted". People start panicking and bring her to the doctor.

When the doctor tried to open her eyes to see the pupil, she basically rolled her eyes so the doctor couldn't see the pupil. The doctor then kinda poked her telling her to wake up.

1357908642468097531e

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As Obvious as it is Problematic

“Every time a patient feigns a seizure (either intentionally or unintentionally) it's a comically bad interpretation of what they think it should look like."

roc_and_roll

The Proof is in the Penis

“'I haven't had sex.' Sorry sir, the syphilitic lesion on the tip of your penis says otherwise." - dagayute

“Someone said my name?" - [deleted]

Pre-CGI Special Effects

“My sister said a kid around 12 came in one day with his dad. The kid had like red marker or something on his wrist and was trying to convince her that it was blood/broken and he got beat up (but beat up the other kids worse)." - AppealToReason16

Here's Hoping the Hospital has Better Technology

"Tests positive for morphine...'I've been eating a ton of poppy seed bagels!'" - cskelly

"A relative of mine played sports at a Division I university. They were not allowed to eat any poppy seed baked goods because they screwed with the drug tests." - aspiegrrrl

A Flesh Wound

"'I'm fine Doc. Just a little scratch.'"

"Me saying this while having blood all over my arm after an accident."

Small_Spiral

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You Should See the Other Lie

'I fell and hurt my hand.'

"Yeah, right. It's not called a Boxer's Fracture for nothing."

angmarsilar

People Share The Dumbest Rules Their Strict Family Enforced
Artyom Kabajev/Unsplash

Growing up, my parents insisted that I take my brother with me everywhere I go. The idea was that he, as a boy, would offer some form of protection.

The reality was that all he did was make my life miserable and create dangerous situations.

Now, this isn't his fault. This is 100% on our family, their built-in patriarchal B.S. (sorry latin people, you know I'm right - we have so far left to go) and their refusal to believe in medicine.

My brother was younger than me (by 5 years, that's a good chunk during childhood) and smaller than me, but because he was a boy he was automatically granted more freedom.

He could go out alone with his friends, I could not. He could date, I could not. He could do things outside of school and church, like martial arts classes. I was only allowed school activities or church activities.

What made the whole thing worse, though, was that his younger age and diagnosed but untreated ADHD meant that not only was he not "protecting" me when they would force him to come as my chaperone - he was creating problems.

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People Confess The Food They Can't Buy Because They'll Eat The Whole Thing In One Sitting
Spencer Davis/Unsplash

I cannot be trusted with chocolate marshmallow cookies.

I don't even like marshmallows, but something happens in my brain when I bite into it and I no longer have an ability to say no. It doesn't even matter what brand - could be Mallomars, or pinwheels, or whatever your local store brand is.

Doesn't matter, just put it in the freezer and walk away. It's best you forget about it, because you'll never see the box again.

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People Confess Which Rules Have Been Created Because Of Their Actions
Allen Taylor on Unsplash

We all did wild things when we were young. Many of us still do wild things now.

Some of these actions were against the rules. Other actions weren't exactly banned but were frowned upon. And some actions were so crazy, no one thought about having a rule against them at first.

Sometimes, we do something so out of the ordinary that a rule is created so it won't happen again. These are often the best stories.

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