roc_and_rollHuman beings contain an unbelievable capacity to oppose their own well-being in pursuit of a preserved ego.
This holds true even when discussing the best approach to personal health with the person most qualified to help. People are crazy.
But the self-defeating ruse is a short-lived one. Despite the most outlandish, roundabout attempts to avoid honesty and outwit the doctor, EVERYONE is unsuccessful. It's as if half the job of doctors' work is seeing through these bold faced lies.
Plenty of Redditors are indeed those very doctors, and they give a behind-the-scenes look from their perspective, watching a patient with obvious-and proven-health issues squirm as they downplay those exact issues.
TheGrimReefah asked, "Doctors of reddit, what's the most obvious lie a patient or relative has ever told?"
Hate When That Happens
Patient brought to the ER - was allegedly naked in his bedroom making a salad, when he accidentally sat on an upright cucumber. parrotman41
The condoms keep the veggies fresh. cohrtGiphy
"Nice Try, Twerp"
I am not a doctor, but i once heard a little boy tell a nurse that he was bitten by a brontosaurus.
He was obviously lying, because brontosauruses were herbivores.
The Current and Obvious Facts Say Otherwise
There is no chance of pregnancy because I've never had sex before (patient is pregnant).
I don't use drugs ever (drug screen is positive for marijuana and/or other substances).
"Well, Inside the Hospital Snacks Don't Count."
"I've been sticking to my diet and exercising but my blood sugars are staying high all the time."
Says the diabetic patient who I just saw buy a damn snickers from the vending machine in the waiting room.Giphy
The Jig's Up
"Do you use cotton buds to clean your ears?"
"No, never, absolutely not, never have, you shouldn't put anything smaller than your elbow in your ear!"
"..... Because there is definitely the end of a cotton bud stuck in your ear.."
"Oh yeah, maybe just this one time.."
Waiving the "Recreational Drug Abuse" Flag
(Trying to weasel a prescription for ADHD medication)
"I have fat-ih-gue."
Fatigue, she was trying to lie about her fatigue.
"Just Making Sure"
Doc: Do you smoke? Patient: No
D: Do you drink alcohol? P: No
D: Are you lying? P: No
Those Long-Con Tests Will ALWAYS Get Ya
Only a medical student, but we had a patient with tremendous degeneration of the liver, and his blood analysis told us he had been drinking heavily at least the last 6 months, despite being instructed it could definitely destroy what he had left of liver.
Most people still don't know we can check daily alcohol consume in such a long term.
"They're Fries, What Was I Supposed to Do?"
"Oh I gave up salt last year for my blood pressure" while literally reaching for her second White Castle slider during our conversation. The cheese fries were gone by then.
At Least Doc Was Cool About It
My parents run a construction store so they have a few other people that are hired to help them.
One day this lady decide she is too lazy to work so she "fainted". People start panicking and bring her to the doctor.
When the doctor tried to open her eyes to see the pupil, she basically rolled her eyes so the doctor couldn't see the pupil. The doctor then kinda poked her telling her to wake up.Giphy
As Obvious as it is Problematic
“Every time a patient feigns a seizure (either intentionally or unintentionally) it's a comically bad interpretation of what they think it should look like."
The Proof is in the Penis
“'I haven't had sex.' Sorry sir, the syphilitic lesion on the tip of your penis says otherwise." - dagayute
“Someone said my name?" - [deleted]
Pre-CGI Special Effects
“My sister said a kid around 12 came in one day with his dad. The kid had like red marker or something on his wrist and was trying to convince her that it was blood/broken and he got beat up (but beat up the other kids worse)." - AppealToReason16
Here's Hoping the Hospital has Better Technology
"Tests positive for morphine...'I've been eating a ton of poppy seed bagels!'" - cskelly
"A relative of mine played sports at a Division I university. They were not allowed to eat any poppy seed baked goods because they screwed with the drug tests." - aspiegrrrl
A Flesh Wound
"'I'm fine Doc. Just a little scratch.'"
"Me saying this while having blood all over my arm after an accident."Giphy
You Should See the Other Lie
'I fell and hurt my hand.'
"Yeah, right. It's not called a Boxer's Fracture for nothing."