Everybody knows friends are one of the best things in life - but what happens when the best thing is also the worst?
You know what we mean, most of us have had (or been) a frienemy once or twice in our lives. For a lot of us, that toxic friend relationship was something we didn't even know we were in.
Reddit user @DisruptiveandMissed asked:
What are some red flags of a bad friendship?
We're not saying it was a popular question, but it's got almost 40 thousand people watching, liking and commenting on it. So yeah, it's safe to say folks have a lot to say about craptastical friends.
The Drain
Every time you're finished hanging out you feel worse than you did before, that's a sign of a bad friend.
- LivLoft
Or if you consistently put off replying to them, not out of spite or anything but just because you don't have the energy for them. they're draining you.
obviously not black and white (some people are just the type that require a lot of energy because they have a lot themselves), but recognizing this has saved me from a LOT of unhappy or even toxic friendships.
Eggshells
Walking on eggshells. Constantly worrying if what you say is going to make them mad. When they can lean on you whenever they need you but you can't lean on them.
Dismissive
Being dismissive of all your interests and achievements. Meanwhile everything they do, no matter how mundane, is amazing.
- Wild0ats
Or the flip side of the same coin. Being dismissive of all your problems or struggles. Meanwhile everything that happens to them, no matter how mundane, is a tragedy.
This Time...
GiphyYou see you got a private message from them and your gut reaction is to start getting nervous or anxious.
"What is it this time..."
I recently had a friend that texted "Check your email" and my first thought was "Oh god, what now?" I realized that if another else text, my first thought would be they forwarded me a coupon or an article, something I'd be interested in.
That red flag is real.
New Friend
They act just fine whenever they invite you over, and then as soon as someone else comes into the picture, their whole attitude changes. They begin treating you with disrespect, just to try and act cool in front of their new friend.
Or you're the new friend and you get treated like shit because you haven't known anyone you can't possibly understand the inside jokes, but no offence right?
Me, Myself and I
Flaking on engagements with you, and only talking about themselves without asking about how you are doing.
A friend of mine did the second, and when I told her this and that it didn't feel like a two way friendship, she started making sure to always ask how I was. Only, that's all it is. I could say literally anything in answer and get nothing back but how she's doing. So she fixed her words but nothing else, it feels like.
- Jenamac
Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better (Or Worse)
When they've always got to one-up someone. You had a bad day? Theirs was worse. Your commute was crappy? Theirs was worse. You got a promotion at work? Well, something even better happened to them at their job that day! And on and on...
Freeloaders
GiphyFriend: Hey you wanna come with us to McDonald's
You: Yea sure why why not
at McDonald's
Friend: Hey man I got no money on me, mind if you get me some food? I'll pay you back
You: Uhh yea um I gotchu
one week later
Friend: Hey you wanna come with us to McDonald's
You: Yea sure why why not
at McDonald's
Friend: Hey man I got no money on me, mind if you get me some food? I'll pay you back
You: Uhh yea um I gotchu but you didn't pay me back last time
Friend: don't worry I'll pay you back double
You: Alright
fast forward a year later
Friend: Hey you wanna come with us to McDonald's
You: Yea sure why why not
at McDonald's
Friend: Hey man I got no money on me, mind if you get me some food? I'll pay you back
You: THIS IS BIG MAC #30. PAY ME MY $176.46 CENTS.
Stay away from freeloaders guys.
Cling
Very, very clingy. can't accept that you aren't best friends after knowing each other for two weeks.
I had a girl at work decide I was her work bestie and told me a story involving her blowing a stripper over the previous weekend.... on the first night we ever worked together.
By the second shift I was getting stories of recent suicide attempts and I'm trying to sidle out of the room as naturally as possible.
- CX316
I had to untangle myself from a "friendship" like this nearly two years ago. I was being tagged in best friend Word Porn shit on Facebook every other day after like a month of meeting her, and she would text me almost constantly, either to talk about some drama or to ask a favor of me. I knew she had personal problems and I felt terrible for the feeling of dread I got whenever I received a message from her, but she was exhausting and a huge drain on my emotional reserves.
When my mum was diagnosed with cancer, I told her that I needed her to stop messaging me, as I was trying to process the news and be there for my mum at the same time. She disrespected my wishes, and I blocked her for a few months until she managed to wriggle her way back into my life somehow and it all started again.
In the end, it came out she was crushing hard on me, which I kind of suspected. When her texts started to become sexual, I just snapped and told her to leave me alone once and for all. It also turns out that another person had to get a restraining order out against her before she met me, so there's that.
Dealbreakers
If they don't listen to you in conversations but rather are sitting there waiting for their turn to speak, it's a dealbreaker.
If they are permanently an innocent victim, surrounded by wrongdoers, that's a dealbreaker.
If they are a drama-mama or a drama-papa, that is a deal.break.er.
If they only call you when they need something, they are using you. Dealbreaker
If they are not happy for you when something good happens, but instead lament how they are not as happy - dealbreaker.
If they exclude you intentionally, talk about you behind your back, spill your secrets... those are major dealbreakers, shut it down.
Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.
Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?
But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.
It would be so great to be sure there is something else.
But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.
Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:
"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"
Sensations
Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."
PeachesnPain
Recovery
"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."
"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."
"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."
good_golly99
Take Me Back
"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."
"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."
rayrayrayray
Free
The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."
TooReDTooHigh
This is why I hate surgery.
You just never know.
Shocked
Giphy"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."
Admirable_Buyer6528
The SOB
"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."
"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”
1-cupcake-at-a-time
Colors
"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"
Hannah_LL7
"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"
huntokarrr
The Fog
"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."
"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."
Fluffy-Hotel-5184
Through the Walls
"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."
"She's quite alive and well today."
Hot-Refrigerator6583
Well let's all be happy to be alive.
It seems to be all we have.
Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.
The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.
Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.
Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:
"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"
Redditors didn't see these coming.
Shiver Me Timbers
"I’m always cold now!"
– Telrom_1
"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."
– r7ndom
"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."
– mr_remy
Drawing Concern
"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."
– dee-fondy
"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"
"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."
– LizardofDeath
Unleashing Insults
"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”
"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."
– alanamablamaspama
Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight
"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."
– KeltarCentauri
"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."
– KatMagic1977
"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."
– Jaew96
These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.
Shopping
"I can buy clothes in any store I want."
– WaySavvyD
"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."
– ganache98012
No More Symptoms
"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."
– colleennicole93
Expanding Capabilities
"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."
– Ramblonius
People Change Their Tune
"How much nicer people are to you."
"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"
– LiZZygsu
"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"
"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"
– awholedamngarden
It's gonna take some getting used to.
Bones Everywhere
"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."
– Princess-Pancake-97
"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."
– bekastrange
Knee Pillow
"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."
– snic2030
"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."
– Strongbad23
More Mobility
"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."
"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."
– dma1965
People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.
But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.
That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.