Everybody knows friends are one of the best things in life - but what happens when the best thing is also the worst?
You know what we mean, most of us have had (or been) a frienemy once or twice in our lives. For a lot of us, that toxic friend relationship was something we didn't even know we were in.
Reddit user @DisruptiveandMissed asked:
What are some red flags of a bad friendship?
We're not saying it was a popular question, but it's got almost 40 thousand people watching, liking and commenting on it. So yeah, it's safe to say folks have a lot to say about craptastical friends.
The Drain
Every time you're finished hanging out you feel worse than you did before, that's a sign of a bad friend.
- LivLoft
Or if you consistently put off replying to them, not out of spite or anything but just because you don't have the energy for them. they're draining you.
obviously not black and white (some people are just the type that require a lot of energy because they have a lot themselves), but recognizing this has saved me from a LOT of unhappy or even toxic friendships.
Eggshells
Walking on eggshells. Constantly worrying if what you say is going to make them mad. When they can lean on you whenever they need you but you can't lean on them.
Dismissive
Being dismissive of all your interests and achievements. Meanwhile everything they do, no matter how mundane, is amazing.
- Wild0ats
Or the flip side of the same coin. Being dismissive of all your problems or struggles. Meanwhile everything that happens to them, no matter how mundane, is a tragedy.
This Time...
GiphyYou see you got a private message from them and your gut reaction is to start getting nervous or anxious.
"What is it this time..."
I recently had a friend that texted "Check your email" and my first thought was "Oh god, what now?" I realized that if another else text, my first thought would be they forwarded me a coupon or an article, something I'd be interested in.
That red flag is real.
New Friend
They act just fine whenever they invite you over, and then as soon as someone else comes into the picture, their whole attitude changes. They begin treating you with disrespect, just to try and act cool in front of their new friend.
Or you're the new friend and you get treated like shit because you haven't known anyone you can't possibly understand the inside jokes, but no offence right?
Me, Myself and I
Flaking on engagements with you, and only talking about themselves without asking about how you are doing.
A friend of mine did the second, and when I told her this and that it didn't feel like a two way friendship, she started making sure to always ask how I was. Only, that's all it is. I could say literally anything in answer and get nothing back but how she's doing. So she fixed her words but nothing else, it feels like.
- Jenamac
Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better (Or Worse)
When they've always got to one-up someone. You had a bad day? Theirs was worse. Your commute was crappy? Theirs was worse. You got a promotion at work? Well, something even better happened to them at their job that day! And on and on...
Freeloaders
GiphyFriend: Hey you wanna come with us to McDonald's
You: Yea sure why why not
at McDonald's
Friend: Hey man I got no money on me, mind if you get me some food? I'll pay you back
You: Uhh yea um I gotchu
one week later
Friend: Hey you wanna come with us to McDonald's
You: Yea sure why why not
at McDonald's
Friend: Hey man I got no money on me, mind if you get me some food? I'll pay you back
You: Uhh yea um I gotchu but you didn't pay me back last time
Friend: don't worry I'll pay you back double
You: Alright
fast forward a year later
Friend: Hey you wanna come with us to McDonald's
You: Yea sure why why not
at McDonald's
Friend: Hey man I got no money on me, mind if you get me some food? I'll pay you back
You: THIS IS BIG MAC #30. PAY ME MY $176.46 CENTS.
Stay away from freeloaders guys.
Cling
Very, very clingy. can't accept that you aren't best friends after knowing each other for two weeks.
I had a girl at work decide I was her work bestie and told me a story involving her blowing a stripper over the previous weekend.... on the first night we ever worked together.
By the second shift I was getting stories of recent suicide attempts and I'm trying to sidle out of the room as naturally as possible.
- CX316
I had to untangle myself from a "friendship" like this nearly two years ago. I was being tagged in best friend Word Porn shit on Facebook every other day after like a month of meeting her, and she would text me almost constantly, either to talk about some drama or to ask a favor of me. I knew she had personal problems and I felt terrible for the feeling of dread I got whenever I received a message from her, but she was exhausting and a huge drain on my emotional reserves.
When my mum was diagnosed with cancer, I told her that I needed her to stop messaging me, as I was trying to process the news and be there for my mum at the same time. She disrespected my wishes, and I blocked her for a few months until she managed to wriggle her way back into my life somehow and it all started again.
In the end, it came out she was crushing hard on me, which I kind of suspected. When her texts started to become sexual, I just snapped and told her to leave me alone once and for all. It also turns out that another person had to get a restraining order out against her before she met me, so there's that.
Dealbreakers
If they don't listen to you in conversations but rather are sitting there waiting for their turn to speak, it's a dealbreaker.
If they are permanently an innocent victim, surrounded by wrongdoers, that's a dealbreaker.
If they are a drama-mama or a drama-papa, that is a deal.break.er.
If they only call you when they need something, they are using you. Dealbreaker
If they are not happy for you when something good happens, but instead lament how they are not as happy - dealbreaker.
If they exclude you intentionally, talk about you behind your back, spill your secrets... those are major dealbreakers, shut it down.
