People Reveal The Most Important Things To Ask Before Renting
People Reveal The Most Important Things To Ask Before Renting[rebelmouse-image 18359187 is_animated_gif=
A popular financial magazine recently published an article claiming that by age 35, people should have twice their yearly salary saved. People responded ... preeeeeeeeeeetty much how you probably just did. The internet collectively scoffed and pointed out that the financial world isn't what it used to be. With student loans, inflation and insecure career prospects, our goals aren't the same as they used to be. Things like owning a home, having years worth of money in savings, etc. just aren't as easily achieved anymore.
That means more and more people are renting as opposed to purchasing. With all of these people renting for longer, it's important to know what to look for in a rental. One Reddit user asked:
What are the most important things to ask/check when viewing a new property to rent?
We saw answers from property experts, people with horror stories, pizza lovers and at least one person who maybe has never heard of sunglasses... click ahead to read more!
Night Noise[rebelmouse-image 18359188 is_animated_gif=
Go to the property at night and see what the noise is like.
I used to have a neighbor that bought a set of 4-foot tall neighborhood-thumper speakers and decided to start blasting Skynyrd at 12:30 in the middle of the damn night on a weeknight in an apartment building with walls that might as well have been made of cardboard. Like, sh!t hanging on my walls would rattle, and I had stuff falling off of shelves.
I went over and knocked on his door and asked him to turn it down because I had to work the next morning and he told me to go f*** myself because it was his apartment and I couldn't tell him not to.
For the next two weeks or so, he'd fire the speakers up at random times and play one of the same three country songs on repeat for an hour or so before shutting them down.
I'd call the cops and if they'd show up they'd just tell him to knock it off, and he'd turn it down, then half an hour later, he'd pump it again, and the cops had "better things to do" than to come deal with him all the time.
So I watched and figured out his work schedule, then, on a night before he had to work at 6am, I fired up my surround sound at maximum volume blaring Marylyn Manson at midnight, and left that running for about 45 minutes.
I think he got the message because it was never a problem again.
Pizza[rebelmouse-image 18359189 is_animated_gif=
I work for an apartment property investment company. A new thing we implemented when looking at properties to buy is we see if we can order pizza to that location. If they won't deliver there, it's not a good area.
Placement Matters[rebelmouse-image 18359191 is_animated_gif=
We made the mistake of a corner lot two blocks from downtown with a stop sign. This a somewhat country town, lots of lifted trucks and ridiculous exhaust pipes. Apparently this is where you can peel out and accelerate to 70 mph to the next stop sign. I'm somewhat used to it now but sheesh that sh!t is obnoxious.
Hot Water[rebelmouse-image 18359192 is_animated_gif=
I always check if the shower is getting hot and has proper flow. I'll never forget living in my first student flat in a cold winter where the shower wouldn't get hot. That was beyond fucking annoying.
Also check for mold.
Roach Poop[rebelmouse-image 18359193 is_animated_gif=
No one seemed to mention this... but as a kid who grew up in a roach infested apartment in a bad area. The first thing I do when looking at a place is go into the cabinets and crevices and check for droppings. Yes roaches leave tons of s***, even if the owner tries to clean it up, if there are bugs you'll eventually find some droppings. As someone who went through that once, forget about noise and water pressure, this is the most important thing to check for.
No Internet? No Lease.[rebelmouse-image 18359194 is_animated_gif=
What your Internet options are.
And I mean really check. Call the ISP, give the full address, maybe even start filling a request and cancel it in the middle just to see if they can reach your area. A month ago I moved into an apartment that seemed fine. I was waiting a month before getting internet just to make sure I could afford it.
The modem gets mailed to me. It was then that I discovered there were no phone jacks in my apartment... except for one, all the way in my bedroom, that was heavily painted over and looked like it was intentionally concealed. Anyways, it didn't work and AT&T had to send a technician. Of course the phone line was shot, and he had to drill a hole in the wall to get a new line through.
But lo and behold, the guy who sold me the service over the phone lied to me about qualifying for service at my address. It's out of range, as the technician tells me. This is all despite the fact that I live in a decently sized populous city and all. The guy on the phone also lied about the speed, as he assured me this speed was good for gaming and streaming, but the technician told me that the speed could only handle light browsing and no streaming.
"Built To Code"[rebelmouse-image 18359195 is_animated_gif=
If your realtor says "built to code", that means they made the building as crappy as legally possible.
Can You Hear Me Now?[rebelmouse-image 18359197 is_animated_gif=
Check the signal on your phone.
Forgot about that with the house we bought 3 years ago. I can maybe get 1 bar if I stand in the doorway of the master bathroom. Ended up getting a microcell booster because we'd like to be able to call 911 in a real emergency. Which will hopefully not happen during a power outage. The house was built with a landline connection, but no telecom companies are servicing landlines anymore. They're only doing internet phones, which will not work during a power outage.
This is in a suburb of Dallas. We're 1.5 miles west from the nearest cell tower, which is oriented North-South. Our subdivision is on a peninsula in a lake.
We really like this house. It's as old as we are, and will need work in the coming years but, it was a great fit for us from the first walkthrough.
Heads Up[rebelmouse-image 18359198 is_animated_gif=
Know Your Landlord!
And know how much notice the landlord has to give before showing up for whatever reason. Ideally, you want an expressed term of time. I had a lease that stated "reasonable" notice and the law only required the same. As a result, my landlord thought four hours notice was reasonable when I wouldn't even get the message of my phone until much later. I thought 24 hours was reasonable.
Another landlord would give... 20 minutes notice? He'd show up to "check the fire alarm," while I or my roommate was in the shower. Happened more than once. Finally, I googled the law and my state requires 24 hour notice. He and his wife were just banking on the idea that we were all dumb kids. I emailed him the law. When I moved out, he screamed at me that I was not a lawyer and can't quote law to him (I was mentioning the fact that they had built a makeshift locked gate on the fire escape - illegal). He also called me despicable. Get that notice in writing. You can ask for changes to leases before you sign.
Petty Neighbors[rebelmouse-image 18359199 is_animated_gif=
If you're in an apartment complex, check that there aren't a million petty signs up in the foyer telling you what you can't do. A few signs about legitimate issues is to be expected, but if you're finding a bunch of notices about things like a bag of trash outside the door for an hour, kids laughing too loud, parking etc. it's a giveaway that your neighbors are gonna be a problem.
Dumpsters[rebelmouse-image 18359200 is_animated_gif=
I'm a paramedic and have been to an untold number of communities ranging from super high-end to complete nightmares. Regardless of the price range of where you are considering go look at the dumpsters. Nothing will tell you more about the community than how the residents treat the dumpster areas. If you are a jerk that has no regard for other people and is okay just slinging your excrement nonchalantly a community of decent people is not for you.
Utilities[rebelmouse-image 18359201 is_animated_gif=
What utilities are included in the rent, not just this but asking what those total costs are.
On average what is the gas, water and electric bill. I rented a place where it wasn't included (which is fine) and the electric bill was insanely high. There was no insulation in walls to keep heat in so furnace was running constantly. I wish I'd asked the costs.
*Another User Responded: *
The first apartment I ever got was with my sister. We lived in a decent two bedroom and our electric bill was crazy high. I just thought it cost that much. Then she moved for a job, I got a smaller one bedroom apartment, and I thought my first electric bill was a mistake. We had been paying about $300/month and my first bill in my new apartment was $25. Well, no, it wasn't a mistake. The old apartment was basically just walls, no insulation at all, and in Louisiana this means the A/C was trying to cool not just the apartment but the whole neighborhood.
Bed Bugs[rebelmouse-image 18359202 is_animated_gif=
Bed bugs. I moved into an apartment, and when a neighbor moved, I got their bed bugs. It's been hellish, costly, and I just moved back into my apartment last week from staying at my parents for a month. Bought a new bed, and guess what? I might still have them. I don't know. It's like A Scanner Darkly, I'm terrified of itching now.
Here's the rage inducing kicker. I told my apartment manager about the issue, in hopes that they would spray or heat treat for them- since it wasn't me that brought them in. Nope. It's on me. Oh, and if I don't get it treated, they will charge me the cost of getting the place treated and possibly take me to court.
You do not ever want to risk getting bed bugs. It has cost me not only thousands of tangible dollars, but also forced me to get rid of just about every single article of clothing I own, many other possessions (bed, couch, etc), and more than a month of my life.
All because my apartment manager was too cheap to properly treat the units.
(Don't) Go West[rebelmouse-image 18359203 is_animated_gif=
Avoid living west of your work if you drive there. Sun in eyes both ways everyday sucks.
More Power[rebelmouse-image 18359205 is_animated_gif=
Count the outlets. Two per room aren't enough! Also, the number of light fixtures. For some reason, where I live most of the apartments do not have light fixtures in the living room and bedroom areas, so if you forget to buy lamps you have to spend the first night in the dark.
Ghosts[rebelmouse-image 18353260 is_animated_gif=
Who are all of the previous tenants? How did they die? How long did they live after moving into this property? Was the property built on sacred land?
Horror movies have totally prepped me for this.
Orange Discoloration[rebelmouse-image 18359206 is_animated_gif=
As an asthmatic currently having a s*** time thanks to this, have a good look at the ceiling corners in your bathroom. Mold might just be orange discoloration, or straight up black fuzzies.
Moving in June, thank Pete.
Indoor Smokers[rebelmouse-image 18345799 is_animated_gif=
If you are a nonsmoker you're going to want to be sure your apartment has either never had a smoker in it or has been properly cleaned since an indoors smoker lived there. If a long-term resident also smoked indoors, the smell will have permeated in to the walls, carpet, and even the cabinets depending on how long they lived there and how heavy they smoked. Make sure the carpets have been professionally cleaned and open cabinets and closets and sniff for smoke smells. If you smell them, minor cases of bad smoke smells can be fixed with a new coat of paint and steam cleaning the carpet.
Curtains Not Included[rebelmouse-image 18359207 is_animated_gif=
I signed for a beautiful condo that had stainless steel everything, very modern, the works. This included floor-to-ceiling windows. Awesome, right? Wrong. This place didn't have curtains included. I'm talking at least 12 ft windows, sun in my eyes, and visible from the bed. The issues here:
1. There are no curtain rods long enough for the width of the windows
2. There are no curtains long enough for the height of the windows
3. Curtains are !@#$ing expensive when you have to have them custom made, including the damn rod. 4. The building could have not allowed modifications to the walls, which means you can't put up curtains (rare, but happens).
Remember: Just because you see it during the open house/showing, doesn't mean it'll be there when you move in.
Should Be Spotless[rebelmouse-image 18359208 is_animated_gif=
As a land lord let me give you this piece of advice when you are looking at apartments. Look. Take a look at every thing from the moment you arrive to the moment you leave. Is the lawn cut? Is the building landscaped? Is the entry way and hall ways clean. Same goes for the apartment, if it's empty it should be spotless. Try every faucet, flush every toilet, make sure there aren't any drips. Are the door knobs loose? Are any of the windows crack/broken. All of these things are indications on how your apartment will be maintained. If the place looks like shit on the outside chances are your LL isn't going to be rushing over to you place to fix a leaky faucet. If an apartment is empty when you view it, it should be perfect and if there is something wrong ask the LL and if they don't say we'll fix it immediately move along
It's a teacher's job to leave a lasting impression and set a good example for their students.
With this in mind, particularly in this age of viral videos and social media, teachers have to be very careful of what they say during class hours.
Even so, there are very few teachers who haven't said something they've regretted when teaching a class.
Sometimes to control unruly students, other times when they've simply had enough.
Then too, sometimes teachers leave their students baffled and perplexed by what they say in their classroom, well aware of what they were saying.
Always making for a memorable story.
"What’s the wildest thing you’ve ever heard teacher say in class?"
And Anyone With Such Closed Minded Views Shouldn't Be Teaching...
"Had the Head of the Department in college claim in class that anyone who actually needs accommodations for mental health issues should not be in college to begin with."
"This was while we were discussing 'Death of a Salesman' and the discussion had veered over to unhealthy pressure and social standards for success."- RavensQueen502
"My very well-respected Biology teacher in college spent almost an entire lecture telling us that Jamie Lee Curtis was a hermaphrodite."
"It seemed oddly personal to him."- Urbane_Cowboy
Sad On So Many Levels
"Not heard but my freshmen year high school teacher once pulled a bottle of Jack out of his desk and took a shot during class."
"He was dying so towards the end I think he just stopped caring."- Mangothefello
Can't Take The Heat, Then Stay Out Of The Classroom...
"High school science teacher told my class that a kilometre was longer than a mile."
"Refused to budge when refuted and kicked out several students for doing so."- SupersonicDebris13
"5th grade teacher: 'Mount Whitney in California is the tallest mountain in the world'."
"5th grade me blurts out: 'No it isn't, Mount Everest is."
"Whitney is not even the tallest mountain in the USA, which is Mount McKinley in Alaska'."
"I got in trouble for 'contradicting the teacher'."- gtmattzget out GIFGiphy
It's Not Just Students Who Are Bullies...
"I had a teacher ridicule a fat kid about his lunch choices in front of the whole class."
"He ran out crying as she was making fat guy blimp gestures and telling him he was going to be huge as an adult."- SnooOwls5859
Some Dramatic License It Seems...
"I had a literature teacher who told the class that he didn't believe in dinosaurs, because the universe is only a couple thousand years old."
"The bones were put there by Satan."
"Thank f*ck he wasn't a science or history teacher."- AllBadAnswersof montreal dancing GIF by Polyvinyl RecordsGiphy
Everyone Deserves Nice Acomodations...
"My English teacher told us that he genuinely believes that the Rothchilds own a hotel for aliens in the Bermuda triangle."- TroyLear77
"We had this kid in our 6th-grade class."
"Very dark skinned kid from Africa."
"His name was Tajak."
"Every now and then when we'd line up to go to another class or lunch and the lights would go out some of his friends would go 'where Tajak at?'"
"Anyway one day we had a sub and we we're lining up for lunch, the lights went out and there went the 'where Tajak at?' and the SUBSTITUTE TEACHER who was also black went 'Boy you darker than night'."
"6th grade was f*cking wild."- 11221mikew
"Psych teacher in high school told us that 1 in 10 of the people were friends with in high school would be dead within 5 years of graduating."
"At the time I thought it was hyperbole, but it turns out he was being conservative."
"3 of the people in my high school friend group were dead by the time I was 22."- Reddit
Do They Really Need A Reason?
"'Now girls, don't you let them boys touch your breasts'."
"'It'll give you cancer'."- jondru
Maybe Should Have Checked With The Geography Teacher?
"A teacher in Elementary school claimed during history class that the Colosseum was in Greece, as an Italian kid I was very confused, this was in Mexico."- Spascucci
So Much For Instilling Hope...
"Didn't hear this personally, but read in a book about a guy who recalled his teacher skipping chapters in a textbook and saying 'You will not need to know this when you are down in the mines'."- futanari_kaisa
The mark of a good teacher is that students will take everything they hear from them with them for the rest of their lives.
Though, the less-than-wonderful teachers may also say things their students will never forget.
People Who've Had A Serious Illness Describe The Exact Moment They Knew Something Was Really Wrong
As a kid, I never raised alarm bells even when I started to feel sick. My mom got stressed easily and was busy taking care of my younger brother, so I never wanted to be a burden by making her take me to the doctor only to find out nothing was wrong.
However, in fifth grade, my ears started to hurt and I knew something was wrong. I told my mom, she took me to the doctor, and I found out I had an ear infection.
Now, an ear infection isn't serious at all, and it was easily treatable. Still, I learned something from that experience: no one knows your body better than you. You know if and when you're sick and how serious it is, even if you don't now exactly what is wrong.
Redditors can corroborate this. Many of them have experienced symptoms that told them they were sick in some way -- usually with a very serious illness -- and are ready to share those experiences.
It all started when Redditor thelearner18 asked:
"People who have had a serious disease (cancer, MS, organ failure, etc) when did you realize something was really wrong?"
A Lesson Learned
"Hust found out i have rectal cancer. 42 yrs old. multiple stools per day, not fully emptying, thin poop. so got a colonoscopy. bam! cancer. starting chemo next week. lesson learned for everyone....if your stools or stool schedule changes, go see a doctor"
A Lucky Break
"I had been having a lot of pain in my midsection, and all around my torso for several weeks. I went to the doctor and it was dismissed as gynecological cramping (menopausal?). It remained. After several weeks (6-8) I couldn’t take it anymore. I went to emergency in the middle of the night. I got a CT scan that showed a large kidney stone. They also found a mass on my ovary. The kidney stone lead them to finding a rare ovarian cancer. If not for that stone, I wouldn’t have known about the cancer and might not have caught it in time. I have been in remission since September 2021."
Cause For Concern
"My kid, who was 14 at the time, kept throwing up in the morning and having weird headaches. Her doctor thought it was migraines. She went back a couple of times, but the doctor was not concerned. Then one day she complained of a whooshing noise in her ear. Went to the children’s hospital and found out it was a brain tumor near her cerabellum. She was in ICU for a month, but turned out it was non cancerous and it never grew back. She is doing great now."
"I heard a whooshing noise in my ear a few years ago I only really heard it at night when it was quiet it would sometimes switch ears now I basically never hear it. I'm pretty sure it was just pulsatile tinnitus but still scary."
It Was The Salt
"I have Cystic Fibrosis (terminal lung disease) and it was found out when I didn't sh*t for 3 days after I was born and then my mother gave me a kiss and said I tasted REALLY salty."
"Now I'm on a gene modification drug called Trikafta and this is some serious witch craft a** sh*t because I no longer feel sick to death and I basically feel like a normal person. It's f*cking wild!
"Went from 19% lung function to 87% in 3 months. I no longer cough my a** off or feel like I'm suffocating from mucus. Go science!"
A Funky Optic Nerve
"I was diagnosed with MS when I was 22 after having blurred vision in one eye after a ski trip. I went to the optometrist and they said I had a dry eye probably from not wearing goggles while snow boarding. So they gave me steroid drops. After a week it kept getting worse, so I went back and they told me my eye looked much better so they did a field of view test, which showed I couldn’t see anything out of the lower half of one eye. They sent me straight to the emergency room since nothing was wrong physically wrong with my eye. They did some tests and I was diagnosed with MS and ended up going completely blind in one eye. My vision eventually came back and I got on medication within a month so haven’t really had any symptoms or issues since thankfully. I’m only 29 now though."
Caught It In Time
"This isn't me, but this happened to my best friend VERY recently. Like in the last couple of months."
"Was perfectly fine and healthy one day. Then the next he started feeling a little bit of pain in his kidney. He'd had kidney stones before, so he figured it was that again. Then he started peeing blood. He thought it was still part of the kidney stone thing so let it go for a couple days, but he was still peeing blood and the pain was getting worse."
"That's when he decided to go to the doctor. They did an X-ray and found a mass in his kidney and told him that based on where it was located they can't remove the mass, and they can't do a partial kidney removal, and it's about a 90% chance it's cancerous, but they wouldn't be able to do a biopsy without removing the kidney first. They did the whole insurance dance, but it went fast and within two weeks he was in surgery having his kidney removed."
"He's still recovering at home right now, but they got the biopsy results last week. It was indeed cancerous, but they caught it before it spread."
Happily Ever After
"I couldn’t walk anymore with my crutch I had been using to get by. Had Been on Percocet for 8 months because of the extreme pain. Nobody was finding answers to my pain but I knew something was wrong, badly. After finally having an ultra sound on my hips at the age of 26 I found out I had to undergo a double hip replacement to walk again due to a serious rare disease. I was stage 4 Avascular Nercrosis. Took a year to recover from both. But Happier ending, I’m doing good now. However it was very very upsetting news to get over a phone call at 26."
It Really Sneaks Around
"My wife started getting numbness in her right arm. The breast cancer had spread to her right shoulder and the tumor was crushing the nerves. She has stage four breast cancer in her bones."
A Turn For The Worse
"For me, it started May 14, 2014. I went to work and was having a good morning. Then, at about 9:00 in the morning or so, I started to feel some lower abdominal pain. Not to be crude, but it felt like that cramp you get when you really need to go to the bathroom. I did so, but the pain didn't go away. It got worse. I started to feel chills, was sweating, and felt nauseated. My employer has a clinic on site, so I went there. After some poking and prodding, the nurse asked me if I wanted to go home or if I wanted to go to the emergency room. I decided to go home, and if the pain didn't subside, then I'd go to the emergency room. As I was saying that, though, I noticed that my pain had gotten a LOT worse. They always make you rate your pain on a scale of 0 to 10, with 0 being no pain at all and 10 being the worst pain you've ever felt. When I went into the clinic, I was mostly uncomfortable, maybe a high 2 going into a 3. On that very subjective scale, I was now a 6 or a 7."
"I changed my mind and decided to go straight to the nearest emergency room. My boss drove me, and by the time we got there about 15 minutes later, I was now a 10. This was the worst pain I'd ever felt. My previous definition of the worst pain I'd ever felt was when I broke 7 bones in my wrist, it was misdiagnosed as a sprain, and I had to have them rebroken 2 weeks later. The pain in my abdomen was now worse than that. The emergency room admitted me and put me in a wheelchair. They wheeled me to a room, I curled up on the bed they put me in, and passed out."
"At some point, a nurse came in and gave me some morphine. Great stuff. No pain at all anymore. A doctor came in and told me they suspected a kidney stone. He wanted me to get a CT scan to confirm it, and I agreed. An orderly wheeled me off to imaging. I got scanned without contrast and was wheeled back to the room. My wife had arrived while I was getting scanned. Shortly later, the doctor who told me he thought it was a kidney stone came into the room. With another doctor. And two nurses. They all crowd around me with solemn looks on their faces."
"The first doctor told me it was a kidney stone. A 2 to 3 mm kidney stone had been lodged in the ureter of my left kidney. That's the tube that goes from the kidney to the bladder. It passed into my bladder when they gave me the morphine, but they could see evidence of it on the CT scan. Then the other doctor said they were more concerned about the 6 cm mass they found on my right kidney. They had my attention."
"They did another CT scan, with contrast this time, and it was impossible to see anything but a tumor in the pictures they showed me. They made an appointment for me with a urologist for the next day, as well as an appointment in a few days time to get it biopsied. It was an after-hours appointment for the urologist, but he was nice enough to stay late to see me. He looked at the CT Scans and cancelled my appointment to get it biopsied. He said there was nothing else it could be but cancer, and the kidney would have to go."
"Two months later, I had the kidney and the tumor removed laparoscopically. I was incredibly lucky. They caught it in stage 1. The doctor said there were signs it was going to start moving soon. I have no idea how doctors can look at a softball sized lump of cancer and tell anything other than 'gross', but that's why they're the doctors and I'm not."
"My recovery was smooth, and I've been cancer-free for 9 years. I was incredibly blessed. I didn't have to deal with chemo, or radiation. While those can save your life, they are also horrible experiences with nasty side effects. I didn't have to deal with any of them. I was bracing myself to have to. They said it was a possibility. But I didn't. I have every respect for those not as fortunate as me, and wish them all the best in recovery."
Reason #5,622 To Start Exercising
"I started jogging again to try and get back into running shape. I kept noticing that just after a mile or so, I'd stop and get REALLY lightheaded. Kept thinking, "oh, I'm really out of shape" and kept going. Went in a few weeks later for my annual physical and doctor said "you ever been told you have a heart murmur?", no. Two months later I spent Christmas of 2017 in the ICU after having a section of my aorta cut out and a new valve put in. Surgeon said it was bad. Said it wouldn't have made it too much longer."
"Edit: for clarification, it was an aortic dissection."
Slow And Steady
"My dad's friend went on a hike with a doctor who knew him and he was winded not far from the car. The doctor clocked it right away and told him to get his heart checked. He had 98% blockage in his heart arteries."
"He tells my dad so my dad gets the test to see how his arteries are doing and they found a massive aneurism on his aorta. He is getting it removed tomorrow. He had no symptoms but the doctors said if he had overdone it he would be dead before anyone would even know what was going on. Crazy how a random friend's hike may have saved his life."
It Takes A Village
"I never did, my teacher and parents did."
"I was seven, usually an active kid and my first grade teacher noticed that rather than running around at recess I sat down and took a nap. It happened a couple more times and after I fell asleep in class (totally out of character), she gave my parents a call, we had been visiting the doc fairly regularly cause I was also complaining of joint pain and frequent ear infections combined with the new symptoms and a new doc at the practice I was finally diagnosed with leukemia."
Thank goodness for that teacher (and of course, the parents)!
When in the beginning stages of dating, it's important to know as much as humanly possible.
The element of surprise is no longer a fun aspect of romance.
Ask the small questions. Ask the hard questions.
Interrogate. Grill. Investigate.
Of course, you should do it with a subtle hand instead of an interrogation lamp.
The truth is all we have.
Redditor RedditPenguin02 wanted to make a list of the best inquiries to make when starting a relationship, so they asked:
"What is a good question to ask before you start dating someone?"
From what I've learned in my past, always ask... "Are you into Buffy the Vampire Slayer? The TV show."
If it's a no, then it's a dealbreaker.
I DoShocked Schitts Creek GIF by CBCGiphy
"Are you married?"
"I would ask that. If they said no, the next question was 'Would your wife agree?'"
"If they laughed, they were telling the truth. If they got indignant and pissed off that I thought they were lying…they were married."
"Worked every time."
"Do you clap when the plane lands?"
"I swear people used to do this all the time when I was a kid (early 2000’s), and I don’t think I’ve heard anyone do it in 5+ years. I guess 9/11 really made people afraid of flying for about 10 years and then most folks decided they didn’t need to applaud when the plane landed safely?"
"Do you want kids in the future? If one person wants kids and the other wants to stay child-free, then they are not compatible. And it is better to try dating someone else."
"It confuses me whenever some couples who disagree on this end up in a conundrum because one expected the other to change their mind. This is something I bring up early cause I see no future with someone who wants kids when I do not."
"You should always put childfree on your dating profile. It's not a small thing. Either you agree on it or not. If I had to date, I would put childfree on my profile too."
Carb it on...
"Do you like bread? That is the extent of my flirting skills."
"Being German, bread is like a frickin' cultural phenomenon here, we have around 300 kinds of bread, there's a bread museum, every time I go on vacation I'm like yeah it's nice here but the bread ain't it yall, never as good as home lol. So yeah, valid question and the only answer to this is an enthusiastic yes."
Room TemperatureFrosty The Snowman Winter GIF by filmeditorGiphy
"What temperature do you set the thermostat to throughout the year?"
"Haha this one always gets me as someone who needs low temps - you can always put on more clothes, I can't peel my skin off to get cooler."
The thermostat is a dealbreaker for me.
It's gonna be 60. Love it or move on.
DiscoveryBlown Away Wow GIF by AminéGiphy
"When was the last time you changed your mind about something?
"Opens a window to how they think."
"If that was really early on in the dating I’d think it was a bit of a head-f**k question. I’d probably find that question a red flag, tone dependent, although I agree with the sentiment."
"Aside from major differences about finances, kids, politics, or religion, a big one is; What are your hobbies? If they don’t really have any, you may be the next hobby, which isn’t going to work unless you’ve got that kind of time. If the hobbies are time-consuming ones generally done with a SO."
"But you have no interest in them, that could be an issue as well. If only one of you likes camping, wanted to spend vacation lounging instead of exploring, didn’t like sports, etc either that partner is annoyed or the other feels like they don’t get to enjoy what they love."
"Ask them about their exes. If they think every single one of them is an a**hole... they are likely the real a**hole."
"I have mixed feelings about that - I've been in three previous relationships and all three were emotionally abusive towards me (one wasn't nearly as bad as the other two, though) in various ways. I know this is a common sentiment and it always makes me afraid that people won't believe me or something.
"I mean, I realize in your comment you said 'likely' and not '100% sure' and there's plenty of room for nuance."
"I would try to take care of any dealbreakers. If I find out that she has different political values than I do, it's not going to work out in the long run, so I wouldn't bother. Same thing with other factors (religion, financial values, etc.). I would also ask how much cuddling she likes to engage in, as I prefer a lot."
EssentialsTell Me More To Do List GIF by Disney ChannelGiphy
"When I was dating my three essential questions were always kids, sex, and money. If you're not on the same wavelength for any of those three things, just don't even try."
"So, how much personal debt do you have?"
"Source: the guy who dated a woman with huge debts and was asked to pay for everything and then some".
"After that, I'd go with, 'Have you ever been diagnosed with borderline, narcissistic, or histrionic personality disorders?"
The questions are basic.
Just ask for the truth.
Do you have any good Qs to add to the queue? Let us know in the comments below.
As much as we always hop for our dating efforts to be worth it and for every relationship to work out, we all know that some relationships are not destined to work out.
But sometimes relationships end for totally valid reasons, and sometimes the reasons are painful, if not devastating.
Redditor overIorded asked:
"What went wrong with your last partner?"
History Repeating Itself
"He cheated on me. And I was glad because that was finally reason enough to allow myself to leave."
"Now I know somebody who's in the same situation. They're trapped. And she's such a gentle and fun person who's afraid to leave him because 'well, it's always been like this, I'm used to it,' and 'I deserve it.'"
"She wants to leave him, she knows she should leave him, but it's so hard to do it, and I know that feeling."
"I'm thinking I should give her my phone number like when the day comes you've had enough, I'll gladly come to help you move out from that s**thole."
Mental Health Struggles
"I'm lost in my own trauma and mental illness and he deserves better than anything I have to offer right now."
"I’ve been on the receiving end of this, and mildly said, it absolutely ruined me. Her trauma and mental problems were BAD, but I still wanted to be with them. So if you ask me, as long as they can give you the space and support you need, and want to be with you, let them make the decision."
"It's also fair and mature to care very much about someone but realize that you only have the emotional bandwidth to take care of yourself right now."
"I'm sure it was very hard for both of you to come to terms with that decision. I don't think it's that he deserves better, I think it's that your attention needs to be on guiding yourself through this thicket of trauma and mental illness before you can be someone else's partner. You can love each other very much but also acknowledge that you don't have the tools to spare for a relationship right now."
"I'm proud of you for focusing on your own mental health and someday, when you have more emotional stability and energy, I hope you find a wonderful partner."
"We disagreed on how many women he was allowed to date. I’m very strong on monogamy and have no interest in someone (in a supposedly committed relationship) that isn’t."
At Least There's That
"Her psychotic brother tried to kill me. Thankfully he has a Stormtrooper's aim..."
"Hate the attempted murder, love the 'Star Wars' reference."
"He wanted a big family, like, six kids, all-natural. Obviously, he wouldn't be birthing them. This was very important to him while I was pretty ambivalent about kids, and the further into my adulthood I've gotten, the more I've realized I just don't want to be pregnant."
"I broke it off so we could both get the lives we wanted. He was also quite a bit more conservative than me, and at the time closeted pansexual person, and some stuff he believed just didn't line up with what I believed. It hurt, but it was amicable."
"Now he has a wife and kids like he wanted, and I am happily partnered and childfree. It worked out for the best."
"She hated that I had a healthy relationship with my family and was trying to find ways to sabotage it."
"Similar aspect to mine, she hated my sister and mother because she had a bad relationship with her sister and mother. She would get mad at me whenever I brought my family up."
"My last boyfriend dumped me because I got mad that he was coming to Dallas after I hadn't seen him for two months, but didn't want to see me."
"He was going to meet up with some friends of his he hadn't seen in a few months. I told him that was fine with me, but I felt he should make time to see me too since we hadn't seen each other in two months and we were supposed to be a couple."
"He responded to my anger by ghosting me. That was two years ago."
Distracted with a Punch
"A girl contacted me about him talking to her. I asked him what was going on, and he sucker-punched me in the face."
"He cheated on me for all six years we were together and then accused me of cheating on him, even though I wasn't allowed to leave the house."
"I'm also pretty sure he slept with my sister-in-law when my brother and I went to pick up dinner."
Children Come First
"He was and still is no father to his kids, has anger issues, and probably has other mental health issues. I tried for years to help him and help the relationship, but he wasn't having it. After seeing how my oldest suffered under him, I had to leave."
"I communicated how I felt about many things in the relationship. He never communicated about anything."
"Oh look, it's the last 14 years of my life..."
"I'm guilty of this, and boy, do I regret not being able to open up about my feelings. It cost me my marriage. But now I'm trying to be more open and share my thoughts and feelings. Just wished I could've done this earlier than later."
"I started drinking again and became a miserable a**hole due to my own depression and my s**tty job. As such, she didn't get the attention she deserved, and had to put up with my s**tty mood all the time... so she left. I don't blame her."
"So, it was me. I don't know if I trust myself with a relationship again, but aside from the shame of knowing I hurt someone who I loved, and loved me back, but I was too self-absorbed and selfish, I am trying to be a better human to everyone."
"And to my ex: You'll find someone again... someone better."
"He wanted to move to Alaska to be with some girl he was 'friends' with before me."
"My ex's early-onset Alzheimers (at the age of 50) and the resulting violence, paranoia, and irrational thinking. I tried to honor my vows, but he was so far out there, I feared for my life."
Different Definitions of Marriage
"She cheated on me after five years total together, the last one of which was while we were engaged. She cheated on me for months, all while I was planning the wedding, working part-time, and going to graduate school so I can support us comfortably in the future."
"I planned on giving her everything I could and sharing the rest of my life with her, and apparently she didn’t care."
This conversation just goes to show that relationships can end for all kinds of reasons. Even in relationships where there is still a lot of love and committment, the relationship can still end, just like how the relationship can end suddenly because of a surprising and devastating realization.