Who knew you'd need a strong stomach to be a realtor?
Reddit user KBBB223 asked the Realtors of Reddit a question that got some seriously interesting, and sometimes disgusting, responses:
Realtors of Reddit: What's the most disturbing history you've learned about a house you were selling?
You're going to need more than steam for that.
The lady next door to me died, and wasn't found until she was....more liquid than solid on her living room carpet. The family couldn't pay something about back taxes or something, and the house went to HUD to auction. HUD paid for some cleanup, but not to replace the carpet, only steam clean it.
So it finally sold, and was talking to the guy who is flipping it, before I could mention the death, he asked if the house had a water leak under the foundation...... Because when they ripped up the carpet and pad to put down the laminate floor, it was really dirty and got all over them and their clothes...... Told him what happened and how HUD went cheap on what to fix before the auction, he got green as a pea and started puking right there on his side of the fence. tieberion
We bet the ladies loved that.
My grandma sells/rents houses in the Denver area. A few weeks ago I had to help her evict a few college bros from one of her properties. This is a cottage style home, no second floor, no basement. These guys literally dug a hole in the wood floor and made a basement where they've been throwing trash away for the last year. Like it's a living room... with a tv... and a couple arm chairs... and a giant hole in the ground filled with ice cream wrappers, pizza boxes, and cigarette butts. _old
My parents were realtors, and also flipped houses. When I was growing up I used to help them a lot, usually by cleaning. When I was 12 I was helping with a house that was infested with roaches. I noticed the closets were smeared with sh*t and children's hand prints... there were fingernail scratches on the insides of the doors as well. I asked my parents why this was the case. They told me the old tenants used to lock their toddlers in the closets for days. JaytheFarmer
When I was looking for my last house, I went with my wife and realtor to look at several houses. We went to look at one house in particular because it didn't seem like the price they were asking for could be real... huge house sitting on tons of land with outbuildings, going for millions under market value. We got there, and the realtor said "oh, I should mention, a serial killer lived here and when he was put away cops found 11 bodies on the property." Yup4545
We just found ourselves rooting for the zombies.
In Seattle there was a house just up the block from my work. This was probably around 2007/08 or so. There was a zombie themed rave and said house became the after party. Most of the club kids knew each other and the ages ranged from like 16 to 21. Unfortunately they invited this loner dude who came over and started unloading a shotgun around 6:30-7 in the morning.
Kids dressed like zombies were pouring out of the house jumping over fences, into the street, into the backyard. Nobody knew who was actually wounded and who wasn't because everybody looked f'd up due to their costume. I think like 6-7 died. It has always stuck with me. Probably because it was in my neighborhood in which I lived and worked.
Eventually the house went up for sale and I always wondered how much the prospective buyers knew about what happened there. Houses in Seattle don't stay long on the market so it had a lot of real estate agents and buyers coming and going. I also wondered if there was a little discount considering it's history. TheGhost206
Not a realtor, happened to some friends who bought a property, very old site, about 300 years old which had been part of a convent, the living room of the nuns exactly. The aforementioned place had been refurbished as small apartments/houses about 50 years ago.
They went to live there and there was some maintenance given to certain places of the property (the common areas) there was a wall which was slightly wider than the others, they began to give maintenance to that wall but the outer layer fell apart (due to the rain and age) while trying to fix that they found dozens of skeletons of babies, very little babies and very old little skeletons.
Well, authorities and historians came and went by, and they came to the conclusion that the nuns tossed their babies there right after giving birth to them, lord knows if they were alive or dead by then. Moonwarden666
The house we are remodeling & selling now - the previous tenant legit owned almost 40 cats. They completely destroyed the house. She was found dead after seven days, and yes, they ate some of her. Some of the cats just roam the neighborhood now. Allofherhart
The smell gave it away.
I was a property manager who handled all the leasing and running of 126 privately owned houses. This tenant of ours, maybe early 50's, lived alone in one of our rural properties with her 4 dogs. She wasn't a well lady and had regular doctors appointments.
One day she missed her appointment and the doctor called us (small town, everyone knows everyone) to see if we can get a hold of her because it's unlike her to miss an appointment. We tried calling, texting etc, but didn't hear back. It wasn't unusual for her to take a few days to reply and it was summer, extremely hot and with her condition she didn't handle it very well.
Two weeks had passed and we still never heard anything from her, so we wrote a letter thinking that maybe her phone wasn't working. She paid her rent directly into the company trust account, so we rarely had her visit the office to pay and her house was always immaculate during inspections, so she was a good, trouble-free tenant.
A week after we sent the letter, we still didn't get a reply, so I went to visit her. I drove out to the house and noticed something wasn't right straight away.
Her dogs didn't greet me.
Gardens and lawn was a bit over grown.
Letter box was full of mail.
I timidly walked up the stairs to knock when I was greeted by a foul smell. I instantly knew she was dead.
I used my key to unlock the door and found her face down dead in the middle of the lounge room, dressed in her pyjamas. Her dogs were also dead in the kitchen, water and food bowls empty and the house was locked up. No windows open or doors. cadme
"Excuse me gentlemen, I'll just see myself out."
I work in property management on the rental side, and would frequently do post move out walks to assess damages from previous renters, and make ready lists for new ones.
There was a house on my list that had been vacant for a while in a semi seedy area, not a huge deal by any means as it's the middle of the day. I go to the front door, and it was stuck shut. Shoulder checked it a few times, and it would give a little but I couldn't get it open, like furniture or something was barring the way.
So I walk around back and completely ignore he broken storm door (oops) leading up to the other entry. The second I open the door I notice three guys standing in the living room around a table. One conveniently had a gun pointed directly at me.
I apologized, and politely let myself out. No more than ten seconds after I get into my car, our maintenance calls warning me that the property has been broken into half a dozen times already and I shouldn't go in alone.
Wasn't the worst I've seen, but certainly the scariest. Turkeyhuts
Nope, not sewing needles.
Not a realtor, but we learned a lot of dirt about our current house.
The most recent renter had moved in with his girlfriend, who immediately dumped him. He texted our property manager so much about his broken heart that she evicted him.
Before that was a middle-aged married couple. They got into a fight and the husband threatened to commit suicide. The wife left and took everything, both money and possessions.
For my SO, he learned the previous residents were junkies when they found needless on the floors and in the yard. breakfastburritotime
I recently had some buyers move into a house that was being sold due to a divorce. They had mentioned after a few days that it seemed a lot of the door hinges were slightly damaged/bent as well as other things that could point to excessive use.
A few weeks later, my clients call and tell me that they got a green card in the mail from one of the previous owners. I called the listing agent who said he would get in contact with the green card recipient. She turns up later that day unannounced at my clients new house and extremely excited.
YESTERDAY, my client was going through the garage and found a STACK of police reports detailing tons of domestic abuse charges that included threats of deporting the green card recipient if she told/did not stay. tenaciousd199
Like a makeshift prison cell?
Took a couple to see a house in my neighborhood. nice 50's bungalow. there was an add-on of 2 rooms and a bathroom. one room and the bathroom were really well done. one room had a 4x4 foot floor to ceiling cage made of 2x4 and chicken wire with dirt and shit all over the walls and floor, stained in and streaked with what looked like human hands. There was a plastic mop sink in the corner with a hose. Llama_fo_yo_mama
TV's and "love notes"
Creepiest house was the 'backwards TV house' as we called it.
It was easily $200,000 less then any neighboring house. It had some fixer-upper problems but otherwise a good house. Beautiful atrium, master bedroom was all windows looking at the mountains, and a pool overlooking the valley.
We walk in and no lights work. That is ok. Plenty of windows upstairs to give the living room and kitchen light. We walk into the kitchen and pictures of the family and children are spread out all over the dining room table. There is still food on the table. Dishes aren't done. All their medicine is still in the drawers.
It was as if they were abducted overnight by some government agency.
We go downstairs and it is very dark. Only a few windows. All of the TVs are turned backwards facing the wall. These aren't flat screen light-weight TVs either. These are the old school, giant TVs.
There are notes all over the house about how much they love and miss each other. Love notes to the woman of the house.
... and a bunch of notes which get more and more insane. It was very poltergeist.
'I can't believe you didn't show up'
'Does this sh*t even matter to you?'
A couple of ripped out pages.
A weird sketch of a woman with the eyes poked out.
Then a few pages of some weird writings that I didn't understand. They were English letters but it wasn't English. Very dark angry pencil lines.
It was a little psychotic. It was very much in contrast with the love notes all over the rest of the house.
It was top top notch creepy sh*t. We have no idea what happened there but we can only assume they had to flee the country or ghosts. pustulio18
My sister is a realtor. About 12 or so years ago, there was a house down the street from me that two elderly sisters lived in together. The younger sister was more able bodied, and cared for the older sister. When she grew tired of it she beat her sister to death and left her on the back screened in porch to rot. My sister sold that house. etchedchampion
Ignore the jars, focus on the money.
My dad flips houses for a living. Back when I was in grade school he bought a duplex that was in foreclosure. One side was completely normal and the other side was disgusting. The guy who lived there before never paid his water bill and peed in jars that he kept literally all over the place. He had no furniture and it was like he never unpacked because there were boxes everywhere that were super unorganized. It was odd because we found out that he was a waiter at one of the oldest country clubs in CLT and made decent money. He left all of his money scattered between his piles of sh*t (literally and figuratively). My parents had my other siblings and I go on a scavenger hunt for all of the money and to help clean out it. Ew. dancing_butterfly
That's a lot of years of bad luck.
I'm a contractor and recently dismantled what seemed to be a torture room in the basement of a house some clients were selling. Creepy broken mirror included. groel220
Getty Images/ Morsa Images
Almost 200 penises to choose from!
Lady wants me to list her house. I go over and do the routine. As I go to the bedroom closet, she yells, "Oh no! Don't go in there! It's a horrible mess! It's a walk in closet, but please don't go in there. It's such a mess and I'm embarrassed." She went on about it way too long for it to be "just a mess."
I leave it alone and that's that. House gets listed and two weeks later, I offer to do an open house. The lady has started packing already because I already helped her find a new house. She leaves, I get the open house going, and a nice couple comes in. They get to the master bedroom and there's a wall of boxes in front of the closet.
I explain that it's a walk in closet and last time I was here, the lady said it was just filled to the brim with stuff. The wife wants to see the closet. The husband starts moving boxes. I ask him not to and he keeps going saying, "if I'm going to buy a house, I want to see the whole thing." Well, he kind of had me there because I know they loved everything else about the house and the wife seemed super stoked about the kitchen and the master bath.
The last box is moved and the door is opened. Inside is a 10x10 foot room jam packed with sex toys. They're each standing up on very nice custom shelving units with glass doors on the front. The glass doors also have numbers made from a home label maker unit. On the inside of the door is a large sheet of paper. Each number has a corresponding name of some guy.
That's when we noticed two large boxes in the corner. Each box contained 36 unopened "Clone-A-Willy" making kits. We stared in amazement for awhile and then the husband just lost it. It took a good 20 minutes for him to stop laughing (or at least randomly bursting out in laughter). We put everything back the way it was and that was the end of me letting anyone check out the closet for the rest of the open house.
This couple actually ended up buying the house. And since I know everyone will ask, there were 183 home-made toys in the closet (and a few store-bought ones too). Myzyri
We'll be inspecting all mirrors from now on.
Not that I was buying but one I was visiting.
I went to visit my sister in California and once I flew in I wanted to shower. Well I took a long enough shower that the mirror was all steamy when I got out. Except one tiny dot in the middle of the mirror. My immediate thought process was "oh weird. I guess if you draw on a mirror with expo it won't steam around it". So I went to go investigate and upon looking right up to it I realized it was a camera lens.
Well I freaked and ran out to her room and dressed then went and told her. We went around our back and looked in a utility closet type thing that looked like it was in line with her room. Sure enough the drywall had been cut away and re patched at some point. We cut it open and while there was no camera there was a little lens still stuck to the mirror. It's real freaky to think whoever was getting actually spied on and if they ever actually knew. Eeeeeek. snapdragonflies
So, the house is kind of famous then?
An old friend of mine bought a nice house in a quiet neighborhood. The place is beautiful and has a really nice deck outback with a hot tub. About 3 weeks after closing he was cleaning out some previously owner junk in one of the closets and found an old DVD. It was a porno with a hot tub scene on the cover. His hot tub. It was epic. Grandmastrgusto
One, two Freddy's coming for you...
OK so when I was doing the rounds looking to buy my first house we had made an appointment to view this little cottage which was totally in our budget. We weren't familiar with the area so we got there about 45mins early. Instead of just waiting round for the agent to show up we decided to take a tour around the neighbourhood and found another property that had an open house. The one was so not in our budget but we decided to take a look anyway just for sh_ts and giggles. It was very fancy pants. White marble flooring, gym, it's own freaking hairdresser room. Anyway the property was split level and built on the side of a hill. So I'm super interested in looking at everything just to see how the other half live and I go into the laundry room which was at the back of the bottom level of the house. Off the laundry room there was another door which was smaller than a standard door way (lengthwise) and I thought 'oh cool, a secret passageway'. So I go through the doorway and it's a passage way that runs longways down the back of the house. One side is the dirt and the other is gyprock. So I follow the passageway to the end it's very dimly lit and at the end it opens up into a small room which the current owners were using for storage. I nearly sh_t myself when I spot it. There, standing amongst random boxes of god-knows-what, was a life freaking sized replica of Freddy freaking Krueger!!!!
I nope'd out of there and we left very quickly. Suffice to say that we looked at the other property but did not put an offer in. That house is still on the market 4 years later. Miss_Mel_Lives
All of us have fears which some might call irrational.
Up to and including ghosts, witches, monsters.
But more often than not, reality can be far scarier than the supernatural.
And there are very few people indeed who don't have a memory of a moment when they were truly and genuinely scared.
And not by an otherworldly encounter, but by things that could quite literally happen to anyone.
Redditor GodhimselfUwU was curious to hear the scariest experiences people have lived through, leading them to ask:
"What’s the scariest non-supernatural thing that ever happened to you?"
"I was 14, alone at my grandmas house around midnight."
"She was across the street at the bar she owned."
"I was playing games on her computer, about 15 feet from one of the windows facing the backyard."
"All of a sudden the glass from that window shatters, and I ran to one of the bedrooms."
"I can hear my name being called."
"Eventually I see my grandma's ex-boyfriend enter the living room where the computer is."
"He keeps saying my name."
"I’m scared sh*tless, but I walk out and confront him."
"He says my grandma stole his ID and that’s what he came for, as he’s taking money from my grandmas purse."
"He looks f*cked up on something."
"I forget how he leaves but when he does I call the bar and people come over looking for him."
"They didn’t find him."
"About a year later he did it again, and I was once again alone there."
"Except this time instead of breaking a window he decides to try to kick the side door in."
"I’m just there chilling when out of nowhere I hear the loudest bangs coming from the side of the house and I instantly knew what was happening."
"I immediately called the bar and they sent a bunch of people over before he could make it in."
"He apparently tried to jump from one of her sheds into the alley next to her house and broke his leg."
"He went to prison."- nfreshn
They're coming right for us!
"Two bison charging right toward me down a narrow wooded path in Yellowstone when I was 12."- pcc2Open Range Running GIF by Reconnecting RootsGiphy
Uncomfortable in new surroundings.
"My sister has mental health issues."
"We were in a foreign country, driving across mountains on a one lane dirt road with no guardrails."
"She had a complete mental breakdown and threatened many times to drive off the edge."
"To this day, my mom swears my sister wouldn't have done it."
"All I say is, 'you weren't in the car'."
"'You have no idea'."- BlorengeJulius
Lost in the woods.
"Getting lost on 350 acres of woods in southeast Georgia."
"Was found about 6 hours later."
The dog found me hours before the people did.- No_Regrats_42Scared Woods GIF by Brat TVGiphy
A near death experience.
"Was working as a linemen tasked to replace a 16m wooden power pole which requires climbing up to untie the lines from the isolators."
"I checked if the pole had any rot beforehand, climbed up, untied the lines, climbed down, as I was packing my tools up , the pole fell from its own."- LimaRadek
He wasn't who he claimed to be.
"A man claiming to be a meter reader was in our yard and tried the back door AFTER trying the front."
"It was unlocked because there was a field behind us and our gate had a lock, that he somehow got by."
"The meter reader man was nearly eaten by our Great Dane who was dumb and peaceful, except for when she laid eyes on him."
"Our other dog also wanted to kill him and he was up on our trampoline begging us to call the dogs off, which we, my then 11 year old sister and I, refused to do and went to get our dad, who worked from home."
"The guy escaped while we got our dad and my dad let the police know what happened."
"The real meter reader man came the next week."- ApplesintheorchardDog Bouncing GIF by AFV PetsGiphy
Had no idea what they were witnessing.
"I guess watching a loved one have a seizure when I didn’t understand what it was."
"Legit thought I witnessed a death."
"Scary stuff."- Peppapigisgodly
Always look both ways.
"I got hit by a car while in a crosswalk a few months back."
"Had a split second where I saw him coming and realized what was about to happen."
"I thought I was going to die."- jolalolalulu
Big Sister to the Rescue.
"Saved my sisters life."
"We were boating and my parents just kinda assumed we’d be ok with them only out a couple hundred feet."
"I was about 17 and she was about 7."
"I’m laying there chilling and see her slip and fall into the water and just straight up sink."
"Ran over, dove in and pulled her to shore."
"She spit up a bunch of water and was fine but that experience rocked me to my core."
"Not a super crazy story but almost seeing a sibling die has always stuck with me."
"I’ve broken almost every bone in my body, I died one time and was in a coma for a little bit but for some reason this one stuck with me."- Present-Trip5231
Often, an experience that left us scared does make for a good story down the line.
Though whether it was a good enough story to make having gone through the experience worth it, is debatable.
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Having to work for a living is hard work.
Some jobs come with difficulty and two extra sides of stress.
So the last thing people need is unwarranted hate.
I'm so glad I work from home. Writing alone.
I have issues with me, but that I can deal with.
I do hate internet issues.
But that is warranted.
Redditor PM_ME_URFOOD wanted to talk about the jobs where a ridiculous amount of vitriol is all part of a days work. They asked:
"What profession gets an unjustified amount of hate?"
Waiting tables was always the bane of my existence. Customers are rude. Staff is rude. It never ends.
Filthy HoursFail Just For Laughs GIFGiphy
"Trash men. They’re looked down on as dirty and uneducated, but they do a hard job that is absolutely critical to our public health."
"Youth sports officials. I umpire baseball as a hobby and the way parents act is deplorable."
"The parents on the other hand deserve loads of hate sometimes. I was a coach for soccer and volleyball while I was in the Air Force. You would have loved to be a sports official for our leagues at our base. If a parent got sh**ty they are immediately ejected, no questions, and reported to whoever is their higher authority. It almost never happened."
Behind the Counter
"Any customer (client/patient) facing job. They get the abuse that stems from managements decisions, mistakes and incompetence."
"I did customer service for automotive companies at a call center for years. People get so unhinged, between dealerships, management, people calling into the wrong department, angry customers who were itching for a fight over a rental car. The job paid for five free therapy sessions a year, but honestly, it would take every ounce of restraint not to break some days."
"You aren't allowed to defend yourself or hang up, you can't transfer them to supervisors for a call, you technically work for a third party company that exists to keep the customer from ever actually speaking to the corporation. It was the worst job I've ever had, and that's coming from someone who used to work at a seafood processing plant."
"Food service. The workers have to eat too, you know."
"Working fast food sucked. Not because the job was hard. But because people were *icks. For like, no reason. Working in an actual kitchen also sucked. Not because the work was hard, but because you never did it quick enough and your boss was a *ick for like no reason. But at least you didn't deal with customers."
Too much stress...Jim Carrey Omg GIFGiphy
"Defense attorneys. People hate them because they defend violent criminals. However, as one lawyer put it, their job is not just to defend these people; their job is also to make sure that the cops did their job correctly."
I've always wondered about defense attorneys. How do they reconcile their morals?
They're Smart Toowill birth control GIFGiphy
"I live in Germany and currently in my (hopefully) last semester of university to become a pharmacist (4 years of university, one practical year and three exams of state required). A lot of people here think pharmacists are only cashiers and don’t know we get a scientific education. And God help me if I question a doctor's decision."
"I usually just lurk as a guest, but I made a Reddit account just for this. Cooks for public schools. They are constantly overworked, underpaid, and disrespected. Most schools have only a few ovens and microwaves, so school chefs have to either jam unsafe amounts of frozen food into ovens and microwaves, which is a giant fire hazard, or work non-stop from early morning."
"Plant breeders and plant geneticists. Imagine you're a plant nerd and you spend your life studying genetics so you can figure out how to improve food crops. Like, to make them yield more, taste better, be healthier, survive drought, etc. But on the internet, you're apparently trying to poison the world and control the food supply."
"Veterinarians. My doctors CONSTANTLY get yelled at or called heartless when, for instance, we refer them to a hospital more suited to care for the animal than us. Like bro we didn't just tell you know we are giving you options and trying to ensure you seek the proper care. Don't call me a heartless b**tard for that crap."
No Fun InvolvedAngry Neil Flynn GIFGiphy
"Janitors. Trash-related work. Sewage workers. Plumbing."'
I feel for everyone in these jobs. They deserve better.
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Short of having a shopping addiction, no one actually likes spending money on stuff.
Why would you ever willingly give it away? It's your money!
Which might be why it feels so bad when you have to spend money of something that should be free from the beginning. People/ corporations are going to chase that cheddar, though, so there's little you can do besides complain, which frankly might be the best thing the internet is for.
"What should be free?"
Let's get these out of the way first...No, let's get this first one out of the way first.
Hidden fees are the worst.
Hidden. F***ing. Fees.
"Transaction/processing fees when you order a digital product online. Such as a concert ticket, where you pay 6 euro extra while you pay online, and have to print the ticket yourself."
"Or processing fees to pay bills that you need. Duke energy charges a $7 processing fee for you to pay your energy bill. Like wtf."
Pay To Pee
"Public bathrooms! The amount of human piles of poop around because the homeless have no where to relieve themselves!"
"Live in a very tourist-y part of the U.K., all public toilets charge and most cafes/pubs/libraries won’t let people use their toilets. As someone who lives here year round it’s really frustrating and doesn’t seem to make sense."
Want A Better Society? Educate Them.
"College. Or at the very least, college APPLICATIONS. If you're gonna require it for most careers, atleast make it accessible for people. And I just think it's stupid that people have to pay to get rejected."
"Oh god I hate that so much. Same with applying to apartments it’s such a waste of money if you don’t get approved. It racks up quickly too."
It does feel grimy when "official documentation" that is "mandatory" has to be bought and paid for not by the people requiring it, but by the people needing it.
Forcing Us To Pay For Something We're Forced To Have
"ID cards issued by the government. Especially since you need them for almost every aspect of daily living."
"I'm not the biggest fan of free stuf but having to pay for a piece of paper that says "I exist" is ridiculous."
It'll never not feel bad having to pay for something we expect to be free, but it feels ten times worse when it's something you need to get by in life. As in, need to live.
Let's All Agree To Take Care Of Each Other
"All base needs up to a level. I mean stuff we need to survive, eg. power, water,... and things we are required to use to be relevant in daily life internet,..."
"Seeing how now power companies are fuel companies are having THE biggest profit in years while more and more families are pushed into bigger and bigger deths just to get by."
"Same goes for internet tbh, poor kids are just not getting by in school becasue they lack the basic stuff every other kid has to get further in life. I am not saying they need the fastest possible internet with unlimited dl, but give them so they can work for school so the vicious cycle can be broken."
We Need It More Than Anyone
"All mental health services. If you don’t have benefits or a VERY good paying job, they are unaffordable for how often most people really need them. At $120-160/ session even once a week is not affordable for most people these days"
A Fine Line Between Need And Want
"Drinking water, sure. But water is an expendable resource and it should honestly be more restricted when we think about cases like people watering their lawns."
Paying To Live
"Insulin. People are dying because of greedy pharmaceutical companies."
"But We're 'Pro-Life'" - Jerks
"Birth control of all kinds."
"For anyone who b*tches about spending taxpayer money, I'd ask whether it costs more to provide condoms or to house prisoners."
"Giving birth (In the us)"
"As a female US citizen the more I learn about the whole giving birth sh*t the less I want kids. My friend just had a baby, there were some complications. She is now paying off a 14k hospital bill! The lowest I have hears is 8k. 8k just to have a f-cking kid! For a country that is gung-ho about forcing women to have kids they have missed the mark completely."
Everyone is looking for their payout, and unfortunately sometimes we're the ones who have to give it to them, whether it makes sense or not.
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The worst part of having breasts is Florida.
I didn't even say large breasts. Just breasts, any breasts. Florida and breasts are mortal enemies sworn to battle one another into oblivion until the end of days.
In other states, you and your ladies can live a more peaceful life. Here in Florida, it's A Song of Sweat And Fire Ants.
Ever get tiny little jellyfish stuck under your side-boob? Happens here all the time.
Bikinis should come with a "Sand Lice, Your Titty Crease, And You" informational pamphlet.
Wanna jog? Hope you accounted for the fact that the air is soup and will chafe and cauterize your nipples.
Know what limits your field of vision, making you more likely to accidentally step on a snake and/or gator? Boobs.
Know what slows you down as you try to escape the angry reptile from the above paragraph? Also boobs.
Reddit user Saibotnl1 asked:
"What's the most negative thing about having boobs?"
Now take all this stuff they said sucked, and then put it inside of a steam oven filled with mosquitos. That's Florida.
And Florida is incompatibile with breasts.
Cardio Is HardioGIF by VIASWEATGiphy
"I love them but running can be a nuisance even in a good sports bra."
"When I go to work, there is a woman that usually runs on the shoulder of the road. I gasp at how much her boobs bounce. Isn't that doing damage to tissue? Painful?"
"Yes! I literally always hold mine when going up/down stairs so they dont bounce. Running is uncomfortable even with a good bra :/ "
"If it's a sports bra that holds you, it's so tight that it's impossible to get into or out of without a whole team of people like a pit crew."
"If you can comfortably get into it, it won't hold the girls for long."
"Cardio is just not worth all this."
"As a kid I wasn't fit enough for jump rope, but now that I'm older and have the big boobies it feels even more impossible to ever indulge in."
Literally In The Way
"They get in the way!!"
"Lately I've been getting frustrated with exercise. My personal trainer will say to hold something a certain way and I'll try but it's so uncomfortable because my boobs are completely in the way."
"She has small boobs so she doesn't account for them being in that space right in front of your chest."
"My English teacher in 10th grade was drinking water one day when a few drops landed on his shirt. He then complained about getting older and how he never stuck out far enough to get his shirt wet."
"I just sighed."
"4th grade. 4th grade is when I stuck out too much to avoid drips."
"So very much this."
"I refuse to do mountain climbers when my trainer suggests it, she started to get mad saying it's a great exercise. My retort was that I'd really rather not knee myself in the breasts as part of my workout."
"The lady has small boobs and replied that she had never thought of that!"
"Probably growing them."
"It hurts, and if you get big boobs young and quickly, it’s both physical and social agony."
"It hurts to grow them, first of all, your chest aches and bumping them against anything really hurts - and since they’re a sudden, large addition to your body, you’re ALWAYS bumping them on stuff."
"But the social aspect is worse."
"Your female family members comment on them slyly and smirk at your response."
"Your male friends look at you weird and you have to realize they see you as more sexual than girls with smaller chests, even though you literally cannot control this."
"Other girls can be nasty and jealous."
"Eventually I learned to manage all this and I like having breasts now; but from like 11-16 I was so frustrated and upset that I had developed them at all."
Two Volcanosrachael ray boob sweat GIF by First We Feast: Hot OnesGiphy
"The sweat and itch!"
"Also that they're like two volcanos, which isn't especially practical during summers or when you're a constantly hot temperatured person anyway."
"No matter what I try, the skin under my boobs never cools down!"
"Boob sweat is the bane of my existence when it's even a little bit hot outside - and sometimes even when it's not lol..."
"I hate the feeling of sweat on my boobs. I just put tissue between and underneath my boobs to hopefully absorb the sweat so it won’t start to itch and drip."
"I STILL am not able to remove them after a long day. Why?!"
"Why can't I just set em aside for the night, all done. Why hasn't technology advanced to this possibility yet??"
"Absolutely they would. The relief we would get ... oh my god it sounds divine."
"Maybe I wouldn’t be so b*tchy."
"I’d honestly probably only wear them for ren faire, and leave them at home the rest of the year."
"The double standard of girls with small chests and big chests."
"If you have a big chest no matter what you wear or do it's sexual. But for girls with smaller chests they can get away with crop tops or v necks or even swim suits."
"Lol the bigger girls who spent their entire grade school years getting sent to the principal's office for breaking dress code will agree with you."
"Loose shirts will tent and billow up in the wind as you walk-- dress coded."
"Tight shirts that don't tent but cling to your chest-- dress coded."
"And don't even think about anything but a crew neckline, or you'll be dress coded again."
"I always got in trouble for wearing dresses in school, but skinny Minnie wearing something even worse gets by no problem just because she doesn't fill it out the way I do."
ExpensiveHappy Music Video GIF by DJ MustardGiphy
"Bras are expensive and you need regular bras, sports bras, probably something special like a strapless or low back if you have a special occasion or something."
"And don't even get me started on women's healthcare ..."
"Stage 4 breast cancer patient here, and it costs me about an extra $5000/yr to stay alive if everything goes well."
"I just stopped breastfeeding and none of my bras fit anymore."
"I’ve just been wearing sports bras every day because I don’t even know what cup size I am anymore and I don’t want to spend a fortune replacing all of my bras."
"Plus if you choose not to wear bras for any number of reasons, you’re treated as deviant or an acceptable target of inappropriate attentions."
"Laying on your stomach can be tricky."
"Laying on your back can be tricky as well."
"And on your side."
"Just laying in general with big boobs is a hassle."
"However women in my life have found it difficult to get a decent back massage because of this. I've seen plenty of massage tables with head holes, but none with boob support..."
"Semi-suffocating yourself on the beach while trying to get some sun on your back is fun."
"The fact that I look like a walking refrigerator if I wear a loose fitting top, as it billows shapelessly around my body in an odd fabric rectangle."
"But if I wear something form fitting, I look like a lady of the night and am treated as such."
"OMG this !!"
"I feel like all my girlfriends around me have such a fashion sense and can wear things with such grace but I always look as you’ve described. Like either I look like a couch pillow or Jessica Rabbit."
"Sometimes I just want to cut them off honestly."
"Yeah I’ve been wanting a reduction since a was a teen because of the back pain and catcalling, and many people I know with a bigger chest feel the same way."
"I had no idea women hated their boobs so much! It honestly is shining a light on an idea I have never thought of."
Attempted MurderBlack Woman Breast Cancer Awareness GIF by Know Your GirlsGiphy
"They might try to kill me."
"Breast cancer runs in my family and I have to have my first mammogram this year at 36."
"My mom was negative for both BRCA genes but there are 6 others they’ve discovered since she had cancer that we haven’t been tested for."
"Insurance won’t cover me to test unless she tests positive for one."
"Fun fun fun."
"My mom died from breast cancer at 46. I started getting mammograms at 34."
"Luckily, I took the BRCA test and was negative."
"Constantly being sexualized."
"I’m the least sexual person but people assume I’m super sexual because of my body. And I hate it"
"Yup, I'm ace and I honestly just want them chopped off to be rid of the constant sexualization of my body."
"It makes me really uncomfortable."
"My friend in elementary school had a condition where she went into puberty super early and had large breasts by 3rd grade."
"We would walk together to elementary school every morning and get cat called a lot, but we were too afraid to tell our parents because we thought they wouldn't let us walk together anymore."
"She would have teachers make comments about them."
"When we were older she talked about how insanely awful and alienating it made her feel growing up. Her younger sister had the same condition, but went on puberty blockers for it."
"These pendulous bags of hell have destroyed my back."
"Even a decade after a reduction surgery, I remain in daily pain. And now as an added bonus they get to be misshapen, scarred horribly, and completely useless for raising a baby."
"I didn’t realize how heavy they are until I got together with girl with big boobs and woooooow they are heavy!"
"I got C cups in fifth grade and those f*ckers went all the way to G by senior year."
"My posture was/is awful and I've felt like an old woman since I was a teenager. I don't even want babies, so they're never actually gonna be useful either."
See what I mean?
They're kind of awful once they hit a certain size, and that size is pretty much ANY size if you're in Florida.
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